02x14 - It's a Wonder-Phil Life

[bunniefuu]

That's out. Out!

Oh, unfair! Unfair!

Keely, I just got 2 bonus swacks.

Swacks are good?

Ha ha. Swacks...

Ha. Ha. Ha. Hey, I'm tryin' here.

Ok, I'll lay it down for you
one more time.

The server has control of the glorb.

And the receiver sets the dimensional
perimeters with his porke.

After that, it's basically tennis.

So I only cheer when you win the dimension

and get a swack back in the glorb.

Exactly.

I totally made that up!

I don't even know what I'm saying!

It's impossible to follow this game,
and what really hurts...

I'm down to my last bite
of chocolate chip cookie.

Wait.

Yay! Giant cookie!

It is so great having
a best friend from the future.

Are you playin' or are you strayin'?

Whaa!

That's a stir-banger.

Yay?

Yay!

Yay! Yay! Whoo!

Yay! Whoo!

♪ Meet a boy named Phil ♪

♪ And his family ♪

♪ On vacation from
The 22nd century ♪

♪ Got a rented time machine
And they're on their way ♪

♪ To a time way, way, way
Back in the day ♪

- ♪ So now it's Phil ♪
- ♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ Keeping it together
Just as best as he can ♪

♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

♪ 22nd century man ♪

♪ On a holiday Through history ♪

♪ But the final destination
Was a mystery ♪

♪ 'Cause something
On the time machine had blown ♪

♪ So they ended up
Right here in our time zone ♪

- ♪ So now it's Phil ♪
- ♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ Never knew in history
Just where he would land ♪

- ♪ Phil ♪
- ♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

You are one heck of a laser squash player.

Mm-hmm. I bet you could play
professionally if you wanted.

Oh, yeah, sure, I'll just check in

with the local laser squash scouts.

They're always hanging around
to pick for laser dome.

When did Pickford get a laser squash tea...

Oh, I see what you did there.

Laser squash is a future sport and...

It hasn't been invented yet.

You what what? I'm tired of everyone
at school

not knowing that I even play laser squash

or comet race or a hundred other things.

Keely knows.

She's the only one.

I mean... No one even knows
who I really am.

Lucky them.

Pim, he means as an athlete.

Who cares? The whole
athlete thing is so overrated.

This century places
way too much importance

on physical strength

and not nearly enough
on sinister brilliance.

Don't you have your physical fitness
competition at school today?

Oh, yeah.

Today's the day Helka Liftenschlitz
is goin' down.

Helka the Hulka?

[oppressive dirge plays]

[accent] Ah, Pim.

Ready to lose competition today?

I'm ready... To beat
your Tibekistani tushka.

Really? Helka spend weekend lifting


at uncle Vatchek's
discount video showroom.

[upbeat music plays]
No payments till January.

No credit, bad credit...

Is ok!

[music stops]

How Pim to train?

By building a huge trophy case

which I'm gonna need
after today's competition.

Should have spent weekend building
huge muscles like Helka.

[oppressive dirge]

I don't need a weekend.

I have the experimental and barely legal
androider attachment

for my wizard.

One zap gives you the rock-hard
muscles of an Android.

Imagine what 2 zaps will do.

And after president James Buchanan came
Abraham Lincoln.

Now, who'd like to tell us
a little bit about Lincoln?

Mr. Diffy?

I think we'd all agree

that Abraham Lincoln
was a dark, evil man

motivated solely by his own greed.

You don't go down in history as stinkin'
Lincoln for nothing, right?

Well, if they hadn't captured him and put
him away for life,

who knows where we'd all be?

[laughter]

Well, once again, Mr. Diffy

has enlightened us with his unique...

And by unique I mean brrrrrbbb

perspective on American history.

Another 5,000-word essay
should set you right.

[school bell rings]

Phil, that was really embarrassing!

What was up with you in there?

- [beep]
- That explains it.

What?

- I got the two Lincolns mixed up.
- Huh?

Yeah. In 2049, they tried to clone
the original Lincoln,

and things went, well, a little bad.

The clone started using the whole honesty
thing to take advantage of people,

paying in only pennies, gambling with
people's medicine money...

Scared the heck out of little kids with
his twirling, hypnotic eyes.

Abraham Lincoln had twirling,
hypnotic eyes?

No, but Abraham Linclone did.

[whistles]

[bluesy harmonica tune]

Guess you're still down about the whole
Lincoln thing?

[continues playing]

Ok, give me that!

Give you what?

I'm not going out there.
Everybody's laughing at me.

I know so much more than them, yet I come
off some dumb.

I'm always doing
or saying something wrong.

But you always find a way out of it.

Yeah, and it's exhausting.

Making up excuses, hiding gadgets,
chasing replicants?

I can't take it anymore.

I know it's not easy,

but don't you think you're being a little
over-dramatic?

Overdramatic?! Every day I have to hide
who I really am!

Every day I have to jump through hoops

to cover up the fact
that I'm from the future!

Have you not been watching
the past 2 years?

- Hey, what are you...
- He's on his way.

I love you all! Even you! Yes,
yes, even you!

How am I supposed to pass for a...

[deep voice] Guidance counselor?

[back-up beeping]

Mr. Hackett, look, a baby eagle!

Oh, look! Oh!

Wow.

I have had some really wild hairstyles.

Oh, and... And you have been through a lot.

Tell me about it.

[Bluesy harmonica chords]

[crowd] Helka! Helka! Helka! Helka! Helka!

Helka! Helka!

After this competition, she'll never make
fun of me again.

Helka...

Crisky minkle!

Where Pim get such mus-kles?

These? I've always had them.

They've just been hidden under my
signature layered look.

I don't like to intimidate people.

Now move or be moved!

I need bigger dumbbells.

These'll do.

[crowd gasps]

[applause, chanting] Pim! Pim! Pim! Pim!

Pim! Pim! Pim! Pim!

Pim! Pim! Pim! Pim!

Pim! Pim! Pim! Pim!

[muttering] Stop...

Ah-ahem! Sleeping on school property

is against the rules, Mr. Diffy.

Ever since Seth Walsmer

sleepwalked into Miss Brickle's
health class.

Sorry, Mr. Hackett.

Why are you so exhausted?

Could it be that you're
tired of hiding something,

something about the Diffys that you know I
will find out sooner or later?

You know what? Yeah.
I am tired of hiding something.

I'm tired if hiding the fact that...

I'm from the future!

What did you just say?

Phil?

You just told him you're from the future,

and that's the worst crime
a time traveler can commit!

Ow! Mom?

Ha ha ha ha. No.

I... am the time keeper.

You look... Just like...

Never mind that! Now,

I'm going to roll back time

so that you can not say
what you just said!

Ow!

I don't want to roll back time.

I'm tired of hiding the fact that
I'm from the future.

Do you have any idea what you're saying?

Yes... no... I don't care! Ok?

I want to find out what it would be like
if everybody knew.

What did you say?!

I'm not... From here.

I'm not from some other planet.

I'm from the future.

I knew it! I knew it,
I knew it, I knew it!

I knew it! And I'm gonna be the one

who reports you to
the authorities, buster!

Oh, I get it.

[closes door]

You're not really from the future.

You're just trying to get me to make
a fool of myself

by saying that you are.

I'll prove it to you.

[electronic squeal]

Oh, my!

You really are from the future!

This is amazing. I... I can't believe it!

He's beautiful!

[mouths words]

Can I keep him?

He's yours.

Yippee! [Giggles]

You know... 2 is such a couple.



- Yippee!
- Yippee!

Thought we'd just eat in...

Hi, vice principal ha-a-a...

Don't you just love these new mirrors

they just put up in the broadcast lounge?

You can hardly see them, 'cause we clean
them really well.

Really well!

Relax, Keel.

[whispers] There's three of them.

- He knows.
- He knows?

- He knows.
- You know?

I know. I know. I know.

Oh!

I've decided not to hide it anymore.

I'm gonna tell everyone, and I'm
gonna say it loud.

I'm from the future, and I'm proud!

Cool.

[thud]

Um, sorry. That was a bit much.

Phil, thank you so much
for letting me be the first

to break your big secret
to the entire school!

Keely, you're my best friend. When I tell
the whole world,

you'll be right there next to me.

That'll make my whole
broadcast journalism career!

You promise?

I promise.

Ok!

[exhales]

In 5, 4,



I interrupt your class day with a totally
awesome news bulletin!

Welcome to my show...
Live with Keely Teslow.

I'm Keely Teslow.

With me right now is H.G. Wells student...

And my best friend... Phil diffy!

- Hi, Phil!
- Hi, Keely!

As I understand it,

you have something you want to tell
the student body.

That's right. I came here on live
with Keely Teslow...

Y-You're... Keely Teslow...

Thank you.

...t-to tell everyone that, um...

That I'm from the future.

That's right. I actually
live in the year 2121.

My family and I got stuck here
while time traveling.

[commotion]

Perhaps you'd like to share with us

one of your unbelievably
cool futuristic devices.

Sure, Keel.

This is a wizard, pretty much standard
fare in the future.

Like kids today would have a PDA.

Correct. The wizard
can be used for something

as complex as a... Molecular
recomposition.

Or, should the situation call for it,

the wizard can be used for something
as simple as...

Phil, still a cactus here.

Thank you.

Now, the wizard is also a great
communication device.

Uh... in fact,

my parents don't know

that I've decided to tell everyone.

So maybe I'll break the news to them
over the wizard.

This'll be more interesting
for your viewers

- and... safer for me.
- [dialing]

[beep]

- Hey, Phil.
- Hi, dad.

- Hi, honey!
- What's up?

Um, you... Are gonna
think this is so crazy...

Weird... strange... but in a good way.

I don't have all day, Phil.

I've gotta fix the time engine
in the time machine

so we can time travel back to the future
where we're from.

We're on live TV, dad.

- Haark!
- Haark!

[laughs] Harrk.

Has he lost all reason?

They'll be beating down our door
before you can say...

[pounding on door]

I love you, honey!

Not now! We've gotta hide!

[pounding]

It's Neal Hackett!

[knocking]

Aah!

Aah!

Two Hacketts! We're doomed!

Actually... There's three of us.

The other me is attending an emergency
student inquisition

and picking up a little
crab pate for a party

the three of us are having later.

Vice Principal Hackett...

It's...

N-Nice to see yous.

Your secret's out, the Diffys!

We know you're from the future.

No! I mean, not really.

I mean, just a little bit.


It's hardly even worth the trouble
of turning us in.

Turning you in?

Oh, no. You silly folks!

We're not here to turn you in.

We've come for autographs
and pictures!

Which one of me has the camera?

Oh, hmm. Sorry.

Lean in close.

That's great.

Can we do another one?
This is my good side.

You say nothing wrong, do you?

Then please explain
sudden muscle proliferation.

Being from the future, my body and brain

are a lot more advanced than you guys's.

I can achieve in minutes
what takes you months.

- [feedback]
- In fact...

[nervous laugh]

Oops.

Pim Diffy, we find you are guilty

of using future technologies
to make cheating.

[kids] Boo!

The student board has spoken, Pim Diffy.

According to H.G. Wells' by-laws,

you are hereby given 16 demerits

and suspended from school for 30 days.

What?!

And one thing more...

- [upbeat music plays]
- For lowest prices on today's technology,

visit uncle Vatchek's
Discount Video Showroom.

But please to remember...

This is it.

In a few minutes, the whole world will
know about the Diffys.

I never thought this would be
such a big deal,

and I definitely didn't think it would
escalate this quickly.

I'm really happy for you, but I kind miss
being the only one who knew.

I felt special.

Keely, no matter how many people know,
you'll always...

Uh, Keely, please be a lamb. We need you
out of the shot.

Wait. No, no, no, I promised Keely
she'd be able to-

Uh... Peter Williamson is here.

Peter Williamson of world news today?

Wow. Keel, I...

No, it's ok. I mean...

Hey, you're a star now.

You deserve a real star reporter.

We go nationwide in 30 seconds, people!

During lunch, we'd all hop on our skags

and fly to whatever country
we wanted food from.

Whoo! Whoo!

Whoo! Phil, Phil, Phil, Phil!

Phil, Phil, Phil! Go, Phil!

What are you doing here?

Giving you one more chance to turn back...

Ow!

Time!

Are you kidding me?

It's better than I ever imagined.

Everybody hates Pim
and loves me... it's perfect!

Perfect? Are you sure?

Ok, I know I haven't been able to spend
enough time with Keely,

but... still, I...

Thank you.

Pim, no one's cheering you.
Put your arms down.

I can't.

Apparently, it's one of the side-effects
of the androider.

I knew I shouldn't have
gone in for that 93rd zap.

Honey, I thought you knew by now

that shortcuts usually wind up costing you
more than they give you.

You can make it without them.

As long as you keep in mind
that the only person

you have ever have to compete with...

Helka?

I know. Pim.

You know, you might
be able to lower your arms

if you got rid of those muscles.

I can't! I used a little more than the
not-recommended dosage.

I don't know when my muscles are gonna
start returning to normal.

[deflating sound]

Of course.

Hey, Phil, you look spiffy! Where's Keely?

I don't know. I've hardly
seen her at all.

I haven't spent any alone time with her.
Gotta go find her.

Ah, ah!

All right, settle down, everybody.

I know you all wanna party like it's 2199.

[laughter]

He's funny. I am.

Go ahead.

I just wanted to say
on behalf of myselfs,

Principal Tillywack, the faculty,

how proud we are to have

Phil, Phil, Phil of the future

and his family here at H.G. Wells.

Whoo!

Keely, wait! Where are you going?

Can't have a party without my best friend.

Phil, I... I just don't
think there's room in your life

- for me anymore.
- What?

Besides, you've got a million
new best friends now.

You're not gonna miss one old one.

But Keely...

- Phil! Phil! Phil!
- That's not true.

Phil! Phil! Phil!

Kelly, wait... wait! Don't go anywhere.

Phil! Phil! Phil!
Phil! Phil! Phil!

Phil! Phil! Phil! Phil!
Phil! Phil! Phil! Phil!

I don't want all this
if it means I lose Keely.

Hello?

I wanna roll back time!

I want it all to stop!

I want it all to stop!

Stop...

Ahem! Sleeping on school property

is against the rules, Mr. Diffy.

[yawning] I'm sorry,
Vice Principal Hackett.

Why are you so exhausted?

Could it be that you're tired of
hiding something,

something about the Diffys

than you know I will find out
sooner or later?

I, uh...

I just didn't get
enough sleep last night.

There's nothing to find out.

Oh.

Ok.

Can't we just eat in...

Oh, hi, Vice Principal Hackett.

Well, good afternoon.

Bon appetit.

Everything ok?

Yeah.

In fact, everything's a little better
than I thought.

I figured we could eat
in here instead of, you know,

eat with everybody else.

Thanks.

I know it must be
really hard for you, Phil.

I mean, you're this great guy,

you're good at all these things...

Man, are you smart.

You must want everyone
to know who you really are.

No. One person's enough.

[applause, cheers]

What's going on out there?

One of these days, she's gonna blow it

and everybody's gonna find out
we're from the future.

But... not today.

- [beep]
- Uhh!