02x22 - Back to the Future (Not the Movie)

[bunniefuu]

Good morning. It's 8:15

and time for the H.G. Wells
morning news digest headline munchie.

I'm Keely Teslow.

Today's top story...

The results are in
for yearbook voting.

May I have the envelope, please?

[running footsteps, stumbling]

In the category of funniest
student in a classroom or a hallway...

The winner is...

Tony Ronkonkimo.

Congratulations, Tony.

In other categories,
best dressed...

Archer Slickman.

Cutest couple...
Keely Teslow and Phil Diffy.

What the...

♪ Meet a boy named Phil ♪

♪ And his family ♪

♪ On vacation from
The 22nd century ♪

♪ Got a rented time machine
And they're on their way ♪

♪ To a time way, way, way
Back in the day ♪

- ♪ So now it's Phil ♪
- ♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ Keeping it together
Just as best as he can ♪

♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

♪ 22nd century man ♪

♪ On a holiday Through history ♪

♪ But the final destination
Was a mystery ♪

♪ 'Cause something
On the time machine had blown ♪

♪ So they ended up
Right here in our time zone ♪

- ♪ So now it's Phil ♪
- ♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ Never knew in history
Just where he would land ♪

- ♪ Phil ♪
- ♪ Phil ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

♪ Phil of the future ♪

♪ He's a 22nd century man ♪

In, uh... l-lunch, uh...
For lunch, uh...

Keely Teslow and Phil Diffy?

The end. The end.

Cutest couple.

That's what it says.

Cutest couple?

I know. It's crazy, huh?

- It is?
- Is it?

I don't know. You just said it was.

If you say it is,
then I say it is.

Am I saying it is?

I don't know. Are you?

I don't know what I'm saying!

- Cutest couple?
- Cutest couple?

We do kinda hang out a lot.

T-Together.

Yeah.

So someone could
mistakenly think that we are...

One of those things.

Yes. They... they
definitely could.

Mistakenly.

Unless...

Do, uh...

Do you wanna be a couple?

- No.
- No.

- Do you?
- No.

- Yes.
- Yes?

- I do.
- Me, too!

Yay! We're a couple!

Shh!

Oh.

Phil.

The whole school
just voted us cutest couple.

I think they know.

Right. W-Well, um...

What are we supposed to do now?

I think we're supposed to...

Hug or...

Kiss or...

Something. I...

Well, what do you suggest?

- Kiss?
- Cool.

Oh, Phil!

[whispers] I don't want my first kiss

to be in front of
the entire school.

Right.

Well, we could hold hands,

you know,
while we walk to class.

- That'd be nice.
- Yeah.

Uh... here... to...

- Just...
- I'll go over, if you...

Yeah. Around.
Don't pull my finger.

Cool! Whew.

[exhales] You OK?

No.

Me neither. Let's go.

- Oh...
- [laughs]

- Oh...
- Uh...

Ow.

[romantic music plays]

Hey, you.

I got you something
for our 2-hour anniversary.

Thanks.

Oh, don't tear the paper.

Save the bow.

Open it from the other side.

Gimme that.

It's just a little
something for you to...

Picture us together

that can frame our feelings.

Well, I wonder what it could be.

Salt and pepper shakers.

I didn't see that one coming.

It's supposed to be
an engraved picture frame.

Well, they're engraved.
"To Maude. Thanks for spicing up my life.

Love, Chico."

It's supposed to be romantic.

Well, it is romantic.

Here. Look, whenever we're apart,

you think of the salt,
I'll think of the pepper,

and we'll know that
we're supposed to be together.

Ohh...

That's why you're meant
to give me my first kiss.

Which we still didn't get to do.

No. We sure didn't.

[school bell rings]

[beep]

Aah!

Hey, Pops. Doing some
time engine work, huh?

How's that little project going?

It's looking good.

I think I'm getting
closer to fixing this thing.

Whatever you say, Soda Pop.
Need some help?

Actually, Pimsicle, this is a pretty
complicated machine.

I don't really think
it's a place for a little girl...

This goes right here.

And I'll bet this doohickey
snaps on right here.

Oh! It's nearly 5:00!

You've got some
television to watch, young lady.

And if these arrows that say "attach wires
here" mean anything,

I'll bet these wires
attach right...

- [beeping]
- Here.

Just because everything lights up

and it hums like
a finely-tuned machine

doesn't mean this
thing's working.

[electronic voice]
All circuits operating at 100%.

I.E., this thing's working.

Maaaa!

So this whole time
we could have gone home,

but you deliberately kept us here?

No! Of course not!

Yes! But I have a good reason.

Don't we all like it here?

I mean, we've had such a good time
in this century, right?

Barb, you love
all the ancient dinner recipes...

And the ancient remedies
for food poisoning.

And Pim, you... you've really come
out of your shell!

Remember the sensitive
little girl you were back in 2121?

You almost never plotted to diabolically
take control of the earth

and bend its people
to your every whim.

Oh, Lloyd, I don't know
if I should be angry or ecstatic.

Well, come here. Come here.

Come here!

Dad, get us back to 2121
by this time yesterday,

and there's a cool million
in it for ya.

Cool million paid out
over 40 years.

Some restrictions apply.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Before this family
does any time traveling,

this thing needs a test run.
It could be very dangerous.

Then put on some
clean underwear and get goin'!

I just need to put this back in
the time machine.

You guys stay inside just in case.

If anything goes wrong,

I love you guys.

Oh! Make sure my brother doesn't get my
collectible astronaut cards.

The time machine's actually gonna work!
This I gotta see!

Pim, you know you're not supposed to be
near a time machine

when it goes into flux.

Aw!

Luckily, your dad knows
what he's doing.

[engine powers up]

I'm guessin'.

I'm gonna miss him.

Gotta say, dad had his moments.

He was...
A big-hearted man, an honest man.

- A tall man.
- Pim.

Just sayin'... And that guy at the grocery
store thinks you're cute,

and he is rich!

[humming]

[loud sniff]

Hello, wonderful family!

Sweet, sweet Pim.

Eew!

Isn't everything
more colorful today?

Phil, we've got some great news.

So do I.
Keely and I are... Together.

Honey! Oh!

That's so wonderful!

In a horribly sad
and heart-wrenching way.

What? Why?

We're goin' home, ace.
Still up for that hug?

I'm sorry.

Sweetie, your dad
fixed the time machine,

and he's on a test drive.

Why does he have to
fix the time machine now?

Keely and I are... oh! A thing!

[engine hums]

Well, she's purring
like a time-traveling kitten now.

I just have to make
a couple of adjustments.

We're outta here!

Dad, when can we come back?

Come back? But...

We're never coming back.

Why not?

Due to all the mishaps
caused by time machines,

there are new restrictions
on time travel.

It's called "Thanks To The Diffys Law",
which is weird!

When we get back to 2121,
it's for good.

I call shotgun!

[romantic music plays]

- Please stop.
- [needle scratches]

Keel, we...

We need to talk.

You have the sweetest
way of putting things.

Good. Remember that.

Let's sit.

That was nice.

Mm-hmm.

So...

What do you wanna
talk about, hmm?

About this couple thing.

Oh! It's my clammy
hands, isn't it?

The Teslows are notorious for
their clammy hands.

Curse their Cossack genes!

No, no, no,
your genes are great...

I mean, your hands are great...

You have wonderful,
outstanding hands.

Oh.

Then what's wrong?

Um... I don't know
how to tell you this,

so I'm just gonna say it.

My dad fixed the time machine,
and we're going home.

And?

And...

That's it.

Oh! Tch! Thank goodness!

You scared me for a minute.

Did you hear what I just said?

Phil. The time machine's been fixed

many times by your dad.

Why did you put air quotes around dad?

Did I?

Eh. Sloppy finger work.

It's for real this time.

The time machine's really
fixed... for real. Really!

My dad tested it,
and we're going home.

Oh.

When are you leaving?

Tomorrow morning at 8:30.

My dad wants to be
in the eighth dimension by noon

to beat time traffic.

Phil, we finally
get to be a couple, and then like...

A day later you're leaving?

I'm sorry.

Keely...

Keel...

[running footsteps]

Well, it's the last meal I'll make this
century, and I think it's my best.

Are you kidding?!
I can actually eat this!

[doorbell rings]

Come on in! Door's open.

Like we care if they
ransack the place or not.

I've already packed up
all the bellybutton lint and lobster.

You know how much genuine bellybutton lint
is worth in the future?

Money doesn't grow
on trees, you know.

Apart from the robotic
money-growing trees.

Hey, Keely.

What?

You... called me Keely.

That's your name, isn't it?

Now I'm not so sure.

Anyway, I came to say goodbye.

What?

We're not leaving

until tomorrow morning at 8:30.

You'll come by then, right?

If you don't mind,
I'm gonna miss that.

Just knowing that you're leaving
is bad enough.

It would be too hard
to actually have to watch you.

By you leaving,
I obviously meant all of you.

- Oh, sure.
- Right.

Anyway...

Goodbye, I guess.

Wait...

- Keely!
- [door closes]

You know, you could
chase after her.

The Diffy men
are known for that.

What's the point?

We're still leaving tomorrow.

You really care about Keely, honey.
Don't you want her to know that?

It would just make it worse.

I'm gonna go to bed.

Boo hoo! Phil's gonna miss his girlfriend!
Wah wah wah!

[cackles]

Wow.

I think I hate myself.

Barb!

What are you doin'
with that hammer?

I thought I might
try to open a coconut.

I was in the mood for a coconut.

What are you doing
with your hammer?

Uh... also a coconut.

It's funny, right?

What's going on?

- Nothing.
- Nothing.

You guys were about
to destroy the time engine.

No, we weren't!

Coconuts!

Look, I appreciate it,

but... you can't have everyone make
that kind of sacrifice

for me and Keely.

Look, this family's going back
to the future, where we belong.

Hey, buddy...

Your mom and I are so proud

of how you've grown
into such a responsible young man.

Well, then you better go back to bed
before you see me start crying.

[laughs]

What's going on?

Hey, sweetie.
What are you doin' up?

Um... I came...

OK. Who else used
the coconut excuse?

Yeah. Coconuts. Me, too.

I'm off to bed.

Wow. Lloyd, you really
fixed this place up nice!

A little paint, some duct tape,

bit of plasmic
turbo edging, you know.

Shouldn't you all be wearing
your snazzy time-traveling jumpsuits?

- No!
- No!

Keely's really not coming.

I'm sorry, sweetie.

Sometimes it's hard to say goodbye.

Lloyd!

I told you to take
this trash out 200 years ago!

I... I have to get this... here...

Good morning.

It's, uh...



morning... wrap-up digest...

Whatever.

I'm Keely Teslow.

[murmuring]

- Time crumpler.
- Check.

Field stasis.

Check.

Atmospheric stabilizer.

[sniff sniff]

Check.

In other stories, the H.G. Wells
cross-country team

was finally found
at the Canadian border

after taking a wrong turn
at the salt shaker.

I mean...

Albuquerque.

What's wrong?

In other Phil-related st...

[commotion]

Phil.

I can't not say goodbye to Phil!

Oh!

Sorry, son, but we gotta lock her down.

Next stop, 2121!

Wait! Stop!

Phil!

Goodbye, Phil.

Lloyd, you need to take
the next space ramp

if we're trying to reach
the eighth dimension.

Yes, dear.

[sighs] Keely.

Dad, we need to go back.

What? We can't go back.
I already set the coordinates for 2121.

No. I need to say
goodbye to Keely.

I know how you feel, son,
but I'm afraid...

I'm begging you!

I dreamed of begging.

Was it for mercy?

Look, all I need is 5 minutes.

At 8:15, she'll be
in school reading the news.

Please?

In other Phil-related st...

I mean...

I can't not say goodbye to Phil!

[door opens]

Phil!

You're still here!
Does that mean you're not going?

No. No. I'm still going.

Oh.

I didn't want to leave
without saying goodbye for real.

Then, uh...

Good...

[cheering]

...bye.

Golly!

I gotta go.
My dad's waiting in the time machine.

[needle scratch]

Uh...

Oh...

Time... machine ride...
At the amusement park.

Goodbye.

In the future,
will you wait for me?

Really? 'Cause...
Well, you'll be really, really old.

But that shouldn't matter.

See ya, pepper.

See ya, salt.

In, uh...

In other news...

Oh, we all know
nothing's gonna top that.

Well, tell us. How did it go?

I told her how I feel,
and it didn't make anything any worse.

Well, if everybody's
done saying goodbye to everybody,

does anybody mind
if we start time-traveling now?

Fine. Let's go.

I'm just saying,

we're gonna hit traffic
in the age of giant insects.

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh.

What are you two... Uh-oh.

That's 3 uh-ohs.
What's the matter?

I think we forgot something.

You know, we could
just keep going.

Lloyd.

[sighs]

[engine powers down]

[reverse beeping]

[chanting]

Ahh!

Hello!

Anybody... home?