02x03 - A Allan Adventure

[bunniefuu]

Huh?

Oh, Allan, last night
was amazing!

Okay.

Oh, Allan! Hello.

Fancy running into you here.

Oh. Hi, Mr. Landlord.

I was just wondering if you
wanted to hang out with me

and smoke weed, and fill
our bellies with diet soda,

and play Burnout Revenge
for the PS2.

No, thanks.
I have to go to work.

Suit yourself!

So yeah, that's pretty much it.

That's the job.

Everything I just said.

Holy moly, this is gonna
be the coolest job ever!

Ha. Yeah, you know what, Pim?

Usually you and I have

like opposing views on stuff.

but I think we're on the
same page on this one, man.

I'm-- I'm genuinely excited.

Hi, Allan. Bye, Allan.

Oh, Allan!

I actually have a very
exciting job for you, too!

I just ran out of those
little metal things

that hold paper together.

The F are they called again?

You know, the thing
that's all like--

Paper clips?

Yeah, that's it!

If you could fetch some for me.

I might have a special
reward for you.

Hmm. What's that reward?

Well, if I told you
it wouldn't be a surprise, Allan.

Now would it?

No, I guess, not.

Okay, I'm gonna go
get those paper clips then.

Cool. Cool.

I really hurt my finger
doin’ that paper clip bit.

Yeah, no, I-- I saw.

Ah, excuse me?

Wait, wait, wait. Hold on, man.

I'm j-- I'm in the middle
of something here.

I just need some help.

I am warning you
right now, dude.

Keep screwin’ around,

and bad sh*t's
gonna happen, man.

You don't need to be rude.

Okay, what's up, man?
What do you want, huh?

What's goin’ on?
What do you need, man?

Don't get nervous now, man.
What?

Ask your-- ask your question.

Go ahead. What? What?
What’s up?

Look, as*h*le, I’m just
wondering if you have any--

-as*h*le?
-Yeah, as*h*le.

as*h*le?
Did you call me an as*h*le?

Yes, I did, because
you’re being an as*h*le.

-Bro, what do you mean as*h*le?
-Why didn't you help me?

I'm in the middle
of something right now.

f*ck you, don’t you work here?
I’m just a customer!

You-- you walk up to me
and you’re gonna just

start buggin’ me
with stupid questions.

I-- I'm not bugging you.

-I'm just asking if you just...
-What do you mean? What?

Armzo, who told you
to stop stacking

with your six arms?

Sir, do you know where I can
find some paper clips?

Paper clips?

No, sorry.
Unfortunately, we're sold-out.

Sold out?

Hmm, is there somewhere else
where I can get them?

Hmm, the only place that
might have ‘em

is that computer repair shop
over in Crimeville.

-Oh, thanks.
-Anytime.

And, Armso,
if you screw up again,

you're going back
to the psych ward!

Thanks, man.

Thanks for getting me
in trouble,

two-armed piece of sh*t.

Sure thing!
Hey, good bye, spider.

-Good bye!
-Good bye!

-Bye-bye.
-Keep stacking!

-Bye, bye.
-Keep stackin’!

-Bye-bye.
-Bye-bye.

-I will, I will. Bye-bye.
-Good bye.

Get out of here, man.

Whoa!

No, please don't rob me!
Please!

Whoa, hey,
I am not here to rob you.

I just wanna buy
that box of paper clips.

Oh, yes.

Huh, my last box.

No, unfortunately,
I cannot sell these to you.

For, you see, these paper clips
are absolutely perfect

for tinkering with any machine
I've come across.

I've never found anything else
with this unique shape.

Uh, sorry if this is rude

but why don't you just
use your long nose?

What? That-- that's ridiculous!

I've never heard of such
a thing.

Though, I suppose tryin’
couldn't hurt.

No, this can't be.
I-- I-- I must be dreaming.

Oh my God!

This actually works!

This somehow works better
than the paper clips!

My business
is going to thrive now.

Here, you-- you can have
the paper clips for free.

I don't even need them
anymore.

They're yours.

Oh, uh, thank you.

Oh my God! Oh my God!

That was annoying.

What the...

I steal these things, man.

Hey, give them back!

Land this helicopter
and give my paper clips back.

Shut up, man.

This helicopter ain't stoppin’
until I'm in Tijuana, man.

Hmm.

This is the Unites States
Air Force.

You've entered restricted
airspace,

and are being intercepted
by an armed air defense fighter.

Acknowledge immediately.

Oh, acknowledge this.

f*ck you, man.

What the hell are you doin’
out there, man?

What are you doin’, man?

Oh, we goin’ down, boy!

Oh, Siri, call the hospital, man.

It's getting cold
and my belly aches.

Huh?

Hmm. Mm.

Ugh, god dammit.

Oh! f*ck, that was nice!

Yar, I finally got me booty!

Yar! Shake sands, babies!

Yar, there's a red scallywag
trying to pirate us pirates!

-Where are my paper clips?
-I don't know.

I'm sorry I did all that stuff
back there.

Please, I f*cked up.

Just, please, help me.

I'm just trying to do my job!

Thank God, finally.

What the f*ck?

“If thou wishes to obtain
the paper clips,

thoueth shall come to 221
Meep Boulevard,

apartment 17-B."”

Wait a second,
that's my apartment complex.

Hello?

Hello, Allan.

Are you looking for these?

Wait, it was you who bought up
all the paper clips?

It was all a ruse,
you pathetic little ant.

For, you see, I, the landlord,
was the mastermind

the entire time!

Every single thing
that's happened to you

over the last 24 hours
was orchestrated by me

and my insane mind!

Wait, so even when I got robbed,
that was you?

Yes, all delicately coordinated
beforehand,

using paid actors
and animatronics.

What about the skeleton
chopping off the Bigfoot's head?

Yes, all me.

The whole thing cost me
$750,000,

and over eight months
of planning,

just to lead you right here
into the palm of my hands.

Why would you do this?

To make one simple request.

Okay, what is it?

I was just wondering if you
wanted to hang out with me,

and smoke weed and fill
out bellies with diet soda,

and play Burnout Revenge
for the PS2.

How about I come knock
your block off,

and take those paper clips
from you?

Uh, uh, uh!

If you lay your filthy paws
on me,

I'll blow this entire city
to smithereens!

So what will it be, Allan?

Ha, I'm totally
pawning you, dude,

this is embarrassing!

You're not even trying.
C-- come on!

Really try to actually beat me
this time.

I am trying.
You keep ramming me.

No, you-- you're not actually
trying, are you?

I mean, maybe if you
really, really tried.

These paper clips
are absolutely perfect

for tinkering with any machine
I've come across.

By the way,
I'm not a flashback.

I actually died

like not long after you
left my store.

Anyways, I should be getting
back to hell now.

You suck!

It's like
you're not even playing!

What the--
What have you done?

I turned off your b*mb,
you psycho.

I have brought great dishonor
to my ancestors.

Dude, that job we just
went up to,

the one we
just got back from,

that was probably the coolest,
and-- and craziest,

and most fun adventure
we've ever got.

Yep, I-- I agree, Charlie,
I think-- I think

I'm completely changed
after that.

And yeah, I think we--
we won't be able to beat it.

It was just
the best one ever.

The best adventure yet.

-Ever. Yeah.
-Yup, yup.

Uh, excuse me, Mr. Boss.

I got those paper clips
you wanted.

Oh. Thanks, Allan!

Well, like I promised,
here's your reward.

Open your hands up, son.

That's a little version of me,
Allan.

I want you to have it.

Uh, I--
I don't really want this.

I mean, I'll-- I'll take it
if you don't want it, Allan.

-Uh--
-If you don't want that.

I mean, yeah, for sure, here.

-Thanks, man.
-Take it.

I'll put it right there.

I-- uh, if that's alright
with you, Mr. Boss.

If Charlie has it instead.

I-- I mean you already
gave it to him,

but it's your gift, man.

Do whatever you want with it.

You wanna-- yeah.

Allan! You will hang out
with me again!

Goblin caught on tape.