Huzzah!
[WILHELM SCREAM]
NARRATOR: Every Renaissance fair
in the United States
came into being because
they wanted to be like George.
GEORGE COULAM:
I got nine years left.
I want to find a companion
and I want to do
my art in my garden.
That's it.
JEFF BALDWIN:
He likes being king.
He's never gonna sell
the festival.
And he's built a world
of pure imagination.
And I'm lucky to be the head
Oompa Loompa.
LOUIE MIGLIACCIO:
I just don't think that
Jeff has what it takes.
Jeff is an actor.
But he's not a business person.
People do think that
I'm gonna take over.
You know, would I do a good job?
Yeah, I would do a good job.
He's ready to make a deal.
I have the money.
Or at least most of the money.
Louie's going to buy
the festival from George.
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[LAWNMOWER WHIRRING]
RUBEN: Yeah,
I'm turning it on now.
[MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY
OVER PHONE]
RUBEN: Yeah, I figured so.
♪ ["HOW CAN I KEEP
FROM SINGING?"
PLAYING OVER SPEAKER] ♪
RUBEN: George
is a real big fan of Enya.
♪ My life flows on ♪
♪ In endless song ♪
RUBEN: At first,
it was just a matter
of playing them in the morning.
♪ Above earth's lamentation ♪
RUBEN:
Just for his morning routine.
And then it just became dragging
on longer and longer until...
-[WATER SPLATTERING]
-RUBEN: Now it plays all day.
♪ [SONG CONTINUES FAINTLY] ♪
RUBEN: The whole day.
For six years.
[WORKERS SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
♪ [SONG CONTINUES FAINTLY] ♪
♪ While to that refuge
Clinging ♪
♪ Since Christ is Lord ♪
♪ Of heaven and earth... ♪
[VOICES MURMURING]
VOICES: Don't sell
the festival, George.
Don't sell. Don't sell.
[OVERLAPPING CHATTER]
VOICE: George!
♪ [SONG FADES] ♪
[SCRAP METAL CLATTERING
IN DISTANCE]
Stand by, I'm rolling,
and in three, two...
GREG: All of you goodly folks,
you have one chance
to share all the wonders
and joy and magic and merriment
that the Texas Renaissance
Festival has to offer.
ACTRESS: And here's to hoping
to another decade
of partnership.
Happy 43rd, Dennis!
It's been over a decade
that folks have been receiving
two free Sunday tickets.
When they bring their metal
to recycle at C&D.
And that's a whole lot
of two-dollar bills
-and a bunch of tickets.
-[CHUCKLES]
DENNIS: When you recycle
your scrap at C&D,
we will pay you in...
...two-dollar bills.
And I'm going to give you two
Sunday tickets to the 45th...
Anniversary of the Texas
Renaissance Festival.
Bethy-poo, have you got
Louie's letter ready?
BETH: Oh, yeah,
I had it ready, uh, yesterday.
We're working on
a letter of intent.
-I should have that
in about two hours.
-GEORGE COULAM: Now listen.
Let me tell you, my dear.
-This is a very simple thing.
-BETH: Yes, sir.
All I'm trying to do is
get him a thing that says,
"This is how much it is."
"This is how much
you're going to pay down."
"And this is how much
is the payout."
-BETH: Mm-hmm.
-"And this is the interest
on the unpaid balance."
-BETH: Yes, sir.
-All I've got to do
is have that.
-BETH: It's right here.
-And I'm done with him.
BETH: It's here.
-GEORGE: Okay?
-BETH: Mm-hmm.
That's for Louie,
the Louie deal.
-BETH: Yes.
-Pie in the sky, Louie deal.
-[BETH CHUCKLES]
-GEORGE: And with him buying,
I'm gonna get
seven million net per year.
-BETH: That's here.
-Mm-hmm.
BETH: That's here.
So, that's--
But that ain't gonna work,
you see.
[CHUCKLES] It's got to be seven.
-I gotta get--
-BETH: Okay, yeah...
-There's no reason to sell it...
-BETH: I hear what
you're saying...
...if I'm not gonna make
as much or more,
there's no reason to sell it.
BETH: Seven, so...
You have to raise the price.
-[CHUCKLES]
-BETH: 'Cause I can't read them
upside down.
I can barely read them
right side up.
♪ [INTRIGUING MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
GEORGE: Louie's family
are businesspeople
and their philosophy is to get
the best deal they can.
[CAR DOOR OPENS]
[MACHINERY WHIRRING]
GEORGE: But you know, I worked
on this thing for 50 years,
so they can pay me
the proper price
if they want it.
[NEWS REPORT
PLAYING INDISTINCTLY]
GEORGE: Fifty years.
That's a long time.
When I got out of school,
I had a master's degree in art
and I couldn't get a job.
I'd been in a festival
in San Francisco.
And I says,
"I'll start one of those."
And so in Salt Lake City,
I started my first
Renaissance festival.
[ENGINE RUMBLING]
GEORGE: But my art,
businesspeople
don't understand it,
just the money.
So the land is
the most valuable.
Eight-hundred and eighty-five
acres, that's a lot of land.
[CASH REGISTER DINGING]
♪ [INTRIGUING MUSIC CONTINUES] ♪
GEORGE: After a few years,
I wanted the freedom to do
what you want to do.
But the only way
you could do it,
is to incorporate a city.
So I bought Walt Disney's book,
and I just did what he said.
WORKER: Tree coming down!
Tree coming down!
BOBBY GILES: King George.
Yep, that's right, that's right.
We just finished over here
clearing some trees.
It's beautiful, George.
GEORGE: Without a dictatorship
of, uh, counties and states,
we became the best festival
in the world.
Everything we did,
we're simply copying
how Leonardo and Michelangelo
did it in the 14th century.
In the Renaissance period,
the artists
were revered in society
right at the top.
They were painters, sculptors,
poets, entrepreneurs.
So that's what I wanted to be.
All the things that
the Renaissance people did.
♪ [MUSIC FADES] ♪
[INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER]
Yes, I know Louie wants
to buy the fair, I do.
And I can't fault Louie
for that, you know?
And if Louie could,
you know, I've asked George,
I mean, "Why do you care
about your legacy?
What do you want?"
I don't know
what he tells other people.
All I can do is go on
what he tells me.
But, you know, I don't know
what my position would be
if Louie were to own
the festival.
LAUREN CROFT: Right.
JEFF BALDWIN:
He hasn't had George
as his mentor like I have.
-[PHONE KEYBOARD CLACKING]
-JEFF: It's not like
Willy Wonka,
as soon as he gave Charlie
the chocolate factory,
Willy Wonka says, "It's yours.
I'm out of here, dude."
You know, Willy Wonka
was there with Charlie
-probably for decades.
-[PHONE DINGING]
Teaching Charlie how to operate
the chocolate factory.
Yeah.
♪ [INTRIGUING MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
JEFF: The only place anger
or frustration
is going to get me
is in the unemployment line.
So I'm trying to play
the long game.
You serve the king.
That's the tactic.
And if you do that,
the king will be benevolent,
which he has been.
He always has been.
And he won't sell the place.
[CAN POPPING OPEN]
LOUIE MIGLIACCIO: Really?
That's how much
it's gonna cost me?
Okay. All right.
So you don't know
for sure then, huh?
I've told him, like, I said,
"George, it's hitting
a moving target with you.
We talk about something,
and then you change it."
I think that George's new price
is based on numbers
that are, like, not even real.
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
So what we're trying to do,
what George wanted us to do
is project an average amount
of growth over the year
since 1980,
to try to come up
with an attendance number.
Thirty-eight, eight.
Plus 25, seven.
Equals... It's not right.
LOUIE: Jeffrey's a pushover.
He doesn't want to be
the messenger.
He won't tell George
any bad news.
He doesn't want
to be the bad guy.
'Cause if you're the bad guy,
you get hit.
-JEFF: Here it comes.
-[PRINTER WHIRRING]
[SNIFFS]
[KEYBOARD KEYS CLACKING]
JEFF: Really? That's it?
He's wanting more for next year.
Can you draw something up?
Some Excel spreadsheet
that's gonna show that.
LOUIE: Came from a family
that is all about
emotional belief in yourself.
When I grew up,
my dad was in the military.
And when I was in the Air Force,
I was actually slated
as a pilot.
And, um, I just didn't play
by the rules.
I basically did
some aerobatic maneuvers
in a non-aerobatic airplane.
I didn't break anything,
didn't k*ll anybody,
but was it smart? Hell no.
[AIRPLANE ENGINE REVVING]
LOUIE: But I was able to do it
'cause I was confident
that I could make this plane
fly inverted and in loops
when it wasn't designed for it.
SPEAKER: [OVER RADIO]
Migliaccio, get your a*s
down here, boy.
LOUIE: And it did.
EMPLOYEE: Is the ice machine on,
right now?
LOUIE: We're up.
Let me turn it on.
LOUIE: George doesn't think
I can get the money.
He just doesn't think
I can do it.
The fog, why didn't it start?
And that's okay,
because a lot of people think
I can't do things.
Here, let me try something.
[POWER TOOL WHIRRING]
LOUIE: Um, but I can.
WORKER: Louie,
that ain't working--
-[GROUP GASPS]
-[CRACKLING]
LOUIE: sh*t. f*ck. I broke it.
I f*cking broke it.
Real quick, guys,
if we can fix that.
f*ck.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER
AND LAUGHTER]
JEFF: Guys, it's upon us.
We've got six weeks.
But, you know, before we start,
I just want to say,
Kaltenberger Ritterturnier,
what George really sent me for
is to network,
and it's very valuable.
What Europe taught me is
that we can dream big.
If we can-- And it's just like
George was in his infancy.
If you dream it,
you can make it happen.
You can,
and all we have to do is dream,
and we can't be afraid
of dreaming too big.
Okay, so...
[PAPER RUSTLING]
-JEFF: Uh, tickets?
-♪ [DREAMY MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
EMPLOYEE 1: We are at
-Net income is 975,000.
-EMPLOYEE 2: We got all
of the credit card machines
for parking
and for camping set up.
I will give you a list
of the receipts
that I do not have.
EMPLOYEE 3:
If you have hired somebody,
I need to know who they are.
I need to know that
-so that I can pay them.
-JEFF: I understand.
EMPLOYEE 3: See, some people
got paid on Thursday.
EMPLOYEE 2:
For me, it's the bank.
And we will-- I'm trying to also
get geo-fence in...
[OVERLAPPING CHATTER]
♪ [MUSIC FADES] ♪
DARLA SMITH: Jeff could never
wear the crown.
Because Jeff's a follower,
he's not a leader.
♪ [INTRIGUING MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
DARLA: He's a good soldier.
He's a very good soldier.
But business is not his forte.
So he could never be king.
I know many of these vendors.
I've worked with
many of these vendors
for 30-plus years.
So I understand the investments
that they have.
But when I started
my Renaissance Festival career,
I specialized in exotic animals.
-Mainly elephants.
-[ELEPHANT TRUMPETS]
DARLA: When you're working
with elephants,
it is all about communication.
You have to bridge the gap
between what
you're saying to her
and what you want her to do.
♪ [INTRIGUING MUSIC CONTINUES] ♪
DARLA: It's not just elephants,
it works with people too.
[ELEPHANT TRUMPETING]
Six of the vendors
have to design
a 14th century pub.
And we're going to have
ten different c*ck
with all these stories
behind it.
And then they'll all be fancy,
and they'll have, uh, swag
in the top of the cup.
DARLA: We need to come up
with the history,
and the development,
and this king, and his wife,
and the magical peach,
and the wizard,
-and the...
-GEORGE: Well...
-Now...
-DARLA: Mm-hmm.
-...the vendors understand this.
-DARLA: Absolutely.
-And they're going to do it.
-Mm-hmm.
-That'd be fabulous.
-DARLA: It would be, I agree.
A lot of people,
they want to keep their head
below the grass
because if George notices you,
he's going to make you
do something big.
And as my relationship
with George grows or what not,
it's not as dangerous for me
to be noticed.
♪ [MUSIC CONCLUDES] ♪
-♪ [AMBIENT MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
-[PEN SCRIBBLING]
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
[SIGHS]
George.
VICTOR: [OVER PHONE]
Hey, George, you called?
Yeah, I can't find, uh,
Naomi's file.
[OVER EARPHONES]
Have you got her phone number?
VICTOR: Yes, sir.
GEORGE: Okay, let me have that.
Yes, sir.
Okay, thank you.
[HUMMING]
I need to make
a phone appointment with Sarah.
No, this is Natalie. Naomi.
[LINE RINGING]
-NAOMI: [OVER PHONE] Hello.
-Naomi?
[NAOMI SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
This is George.
Have you got time
to talk for a little bit?
Well, okay.
I just-- Okay. [CHUCKLES]
I need to know about your, uh,
what you want
from our relationship.
Do you want to have fun
and laugh and talk and...
Okay.
[NAOMI CONTINUES
SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
♪ [PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
Okay.
Well, I think it would help us,
you know, to understand
each other better
and have a chance
for a... a, you know,
a longer relationship,
if we can do that.
[NAOMI SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
I didn't understand.
Well, none of it.
I didn't understand your words.
[NAOMI CONTINUES SPEAKING
INDISTINCTLY]
You see,
you talk too fast. [LAUGHS]
You gotta say, "George,
I must talk very slowly
and pronounce
my words very clearly."
[SCOFFS, INHALES]
Okay.
Well... [CLICKS TONGUE] Okay.
-[NAOMI SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
-Bye-bye.
-♪ [MUSIC FADES] ♪
-[PHONE BEEPS]
JEFF: Entertainment.
Auditions are underway.
In fact,
they start here in an hour.
So we've got stage acts
coming out from everywhere.
Okay.
I just need your marketing plan.
JEFF: I've got
next year's marketing plan
with me right now.
It's interesting.
Paper brochures
are much more desirable now
than they were five years ago.
Jeffrey, all you have to do
is have a thing
that had every g*dd*mn penny
in there and says,
"We're getting good value
out of this
and it stays just like it is."
-JEFF: Yeah.
-That's all you have to do.
-JEFF: Gotcha.
-GEORGE: Do we send an email
to our customers?
JEFF: We do.
We have an enormous email blast.
-One just went out.
-LAUREN: We sent one yesterday.
Okay. Wait a minute. [CHUCKLES]
-JEFF: One just went out...
-GEROGE: Is that in here,
in this?
There's no thing for e-blast.
-JEFF: Yeah. E-blast.
-Is it what it's called?
-E-blast?
-JEFF: Exactly what it is.
-Uh-huh.
-E-blast.
E-blasting.
Bring me a copy of the e-blast.
-Gotcha.
-GEORGE: Okay.
We need to talk about your wife.
All we gotta do is have
a new entertainment director.
JEFF: I talked to Brandi
about it.
The entertainment plan is here.
We've got it taken care of.
What is that?
Jack Thurman,
worked as a festival director
at the Holly Weird Film Festival
in Los Angeles, California.
-Founder
and artistic director...
-GEORGE: Now wait a minute.
-...of non-profit theater.
-GEORGE: What?
-This is an application.
-JEFF: Entertainment director.
It's a very--
It's very promising.
-This is application for...
-JEFF: Entertainment director.
-Entertainment director.
-JEFF: Yeah.
GEORGE: This is who you need.
JEFF: It's got a great resume.
-I'll talk to him.
-Okay.
And that...
And we're done, right?
-Yeah.
-[GEORGE CLEARS THROAT]
GEORGE: Okay.
They've started mining.
JEFF: I want Brandi
in that position.
But right now, I can't.
I can't.
[GEORGE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
JEFF: Is it worth me putting
my position on the line
to make sure
that she has that position?
She'll agree that it's not.
He's the king.
We're going to side
with the king.
-[BIRDS CHIRPING]
-♪ [INTRIGUING MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
JEFF: Good morning!
CROWD: Good morning!
JEFF: My name is Jeff Baldwin
and I am the general manager
of the Texas
Renaissance Festival.
On behalf of our owner,
George Coulam,
the management staff,
I'd like to thank you
for coming out today.
My assistant director,
not my assistant director,
it's going to take
some getting used to
because I'm recently made
the general manager.
-[CROWD APPLAUDS, CHEER]
-Thank you.
JEFF: My wife Brandi
is gonna be leading you
through these exercises.
Remember, in this theater,
there is no fourth wall.
Make big choices.
Acting is all about choices.
How we walk, how we talk,
how we stand, how we move.
Choices.
Big choices get you noticed.
I want energy,
I want quickness. Go.
-[IMITATES g*nsh*t]
-BRANDI BALDWIN:
Don't think, don't think.
Just go, just go.
Just go, faster.
JEFF: George made up his mind.
It's that easy,
it's that black and white.
I don't have the final say.
Everybody knows that.
I have to put faith in
"Ultimately,
it's gonna work out."
It's not what I want.
♪ [MUSIC CONTINUES] ♪
JEFF: Let's see about
some fun with dialects.
All right. Fun with dialects.
-Um--
-JEFF: And stereotypes
are your friends.
-Yeah.
-JEFF: So immediately
I start thinking Austrian.
[IN AUSTRIAN ACCENT]
I go Arnold Schwarzenegger.
I go to those stereotypes
that help lead me. Spanish.
[IMITATES RICKY RICARDO] "Lucy,
you have some splainin' to do."
Stereotypes work.
[STEREOTYPICAL FRENCH LAUGH]
-[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
-BRANDI: Hiring a person
to do a job
because they are more
than experienced to do that job
is not nepotism.
Now, how do you
move up and down
the evolutionary ladder?
There's no right
or wrong as to--
You know, Brandi says
there's no right or wrong,
but there is one way
to be wrong,
and that's by denying.
By denying what they tell you,
by not accepting it
and going with it,
or just deciding
to do something else.
People who play that game
with wild abandonment...
-[BOTH GRUNT]
-...and are willing
to completely get rid
of their self-conception
and look incredibly stupid
playing those games,
that's the person
who's gonna succeed.
It's gonna work out fine, babe.
-[CHUCKLES]
-It's gonna work out fine.
Will it be different?
It's always gonna be different.
Babe, we are in act five
of King Lear.
We're in act five.
[ACTRESS VOCALIZES]
JEFF:
Today we have specialty acts.
Amazing.
You are cast as a fairy.
[BOTH GRUNT]
[VOCALIZES]
JEFF: Let's hope, you know,
that we get something
out of it in the long run.
George has always
been good to me.
-BRANDI: Mm-hmm.
-Always been good to me.
Has he?
[ECHOING LAUGHTER]
JEFF: Guys, I had a lot
of talent up there today.
It's like you guys have been
working together for years.
I'm so impressed by this group,
I can guarantee you
I'm gonna cast
every single one of you.
-[ACTORS CHEER]
-Okay?
-So my hat is off to all of you.
-[ACTORS APPLAUD]
-♪ [MUSIC FADES] ♪
-[APPLAUSE STOPS]
GEORGE:
Jeffrey's taken the cure.
I think Jeffrey
just told his wife
that it just wasn't gonna work
and this is the way
it has to be.
I mean, I respect the guy.
I mean...
It's a lot.
-You know what I mean?
-But Jeffrey's learning.
He's in a, you know,
he's an unfinished book.
He's trying to learn. He's--
Empirically,
he's thinking things out
like a normal person,
but he's learning that sometimes
that doesn't work.
And so you take a big gulp
and you go on.
Right.
GEORGE: Here we go.
Here we go.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
♪ [GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING
OVER SPEAKERS] ♪
-POPE: Hi!
-Here's Cynthia.
POPE: Hi, I'm Pope.
-Did I say your name wrong?
-POPE: Uh, it's Pope.
-Pope!
-POPE: Yeah, hi.
-Why did I think
you were Cynthia?
-[POPE LAUGHS]
Um, I'm not sure.
-[CHUCKLES] Okay.
-[POPE LAUGHS]
-Sit down over here.
-POPE: Sweet.
-[SIGHS]
-How are you?
-Okay, how are you?
-POPE: Good.
-[LAUGHS]
-Are those your natural breasts?
-[LAUGHS] They are.
-GEORGE: Okay.
-All natural.
-I've had problems with dates
and they said
they were natural breasts,
but they weren't. [CHUCKLES]
Oh, how did you
figure that out?
Well, because then
we had a date, and, uh--
[BOTH LAUGH]
And she...
[LAUGHS, MUMBLES INDISTINCTLY]
-"Lady, those are plastic."
-[LAUGHS]
So I have a--
you know, a... a fear.
♪ [DREAMY MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
-POPE: Well, you're good.
-GEORGE: Those are good?
-POPE: Yep.
-GEORGE: Okay.
POPE: What are you
looking for in someone
that you want to date?
Well, just like
any normal couple.
-Mm-hmm.
-Just, you know,
"Hi honey,
what was your day like today?"
And you'd say, "Okay,
well, this, this, and this."
And you tell me
what your day was like,
and then in between that,
we just screw
the sh*t out of each other,
-and you have a nice cl*max.
-[LAUGHS]
Huh?
I'm sure you could get me there.
"My God. Oh my God.
-Yeah. Oh, g*dd*mn right!"
-[LAUGHS]
"Oh, that's just perfect."
Oh, you said,
"Oh, God, this is it."
-Madly in love.
-[LAUGHS]
GEORGE: Where do you live?
POPE: Um, I live
in San Francisco right now.
You just came out here
to meet me?
Yeah.
And who bought your ticket
to come here?
I did.
-You paid for your own ticket...
-Mm-hmm.
-...for God's sake?
-[LAUGHS]
Well, I have this theme park
called the Renaissance Festival.
Mm-hmm.
Have you been to the one
in San Francisco?
No, I haven't.
Well, that's where
I got the idea
for the Renaissance Festival,
was at the San Francisco one.
Oh, cool.
I've been
in the business 55 years.
POPE: Yeah. Whoa.
-That's a long time.
-That's a long enough.
-POPE: Yeah.
-That's long enough.
POPE: [LAUGHS] Aw.
Well, are you trying
to retire soon?
A what?
Were you planning on, like,
continuing the festival?
Say what?
Are you planning
on continuing the festival?
Oh! I want to sell it.
[SIGHS] I got this guy,
and they were negotiating
and talking,
but I--
Doesn't have enough money.
But he...
he's got a little bit.
He's got ten million
put down, but...
-[SIGHS]
-POPE: Hmm.
Well, won't you miss being king?
sh*t no.
[POPE CHUCKLES]
I hope not.
Okay.
-[CAR ENGINE STARTS]
-♪ [MUSIC STOPS] ♪
♪ [SOFT MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
GEORGE:
She was very pretty girl, but...
it's not gonna happen.
Here's 85-year-old man
with 24-year-old
beautiful princess.
They don't understand
what I want.
They haven't read
a lot of poetry
about love and relationships
and sex and...
There's nothing to talk about.
So there you go.
Life in the dating
of Georgie Poo. [CHUCKLES]
♪ [MUSIC FADES] ♪
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
-GAYLE: [ON TAPE] Say hi.
-Hi.
-GAYLE: [ON TAPE]
Say hi, George. [LAUGHS]
-Hi, George.
We're playing
with your new video camera.
GAYLE: [ON TAPE] I carry it.
He just paid for it.
WOMAN: [ON TAPE]
We're having fun.
GAYLE: [ON TAPE]
I am now videoing the house.
GAYLE: Sometimes George
remembers the worst,
then I always remember
the good times.
GAYLE: [ON TAPE]
I'm gonna go video
George naked until...
Oh! He's tee-teeing,
cute little thing.
[CHUCKLES]
We were married
for 12 to 15 years, off and on.
Whenever we split up,
I still cared
about what happened to him.
But he could care less
if I got ran over by a truck.
GAYLE: [ON TAPE]
Don't be getting out of the pool
and showing your nudity.
GAYLE: He can be so kind
and generous
and considerate one minute,
and then the next minute...
it's all about him.
He could punish you.
-[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
-♪ [PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
GAYLE: He had to be in control,
and when he lost control,
that's when
his other personality came out.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER OVER TV]
[SLIDE PROJECTOR
WHIRS AND CLICKS]
DARLA: If he had
just stayed with Gayle,
he would have been
a lot different.
PAUL: My wife and I were quite
literally his only friends.
-HONEY: For years.
-PAUL: For years.
But the only things
that George cares about now,
he cares about power
over the people.
Power and control.
HONEY: Very simple.
He's got to control everything.
GAYLE:
I don't know what changed.
I don't know why
he's got to have that
with everybody.
PAUL: After 35 years,
we were told,
"We're not renewing
your contract."
And we were forced to sell
our operation at the festival.
And it was done.
[SLIDE PROJECTOR CLICKS]
PAUL: My question to him was,
"Why?"
I think everybody deserves
a reason why.
He never said.
[SLIDE PROJECTOR CLICKS]
PAUL: And now...
HONEY: He has, um, no one.
No one in his life.
[SLIDE PROJECTOR CLICKS]
PAUL: Nothing but the festival.
[SLIDE PROJECTOR CLICKS]
♪ [MUSIC FADES] ♪
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
-♪ [TENSE MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
-GEORGE: Okay, here we go.
GREG: [OVER RADIO]
Good morrow and well met.
It's a beautiful morning here
in Newmarket Village.
My goodness.
Is it time for the festival
to begin already?
HEAD GUARD: Men, and women,
I'm going to be conducting
a guard post inspection.
I'm going to be talking
to each of you in turn.
I'm going to be making sure
that your uniform details
are just so.
That your bearing is correct.
And to make sure
that you're motivated
for today's tasks.
Do you understand that?
-GUARDS: Aye, Chief.
-Marvelous well.
[BLINDS WHIRRING]
[COFFEE MACHINE WHIRRING]
HEAD GUARD: Feeling motivated
about today's tasks?
-GUARD 1: Yes, Chief.
-HEAD GUARD: Outstanding.
-♪ [MUSIC STOPS] ♪
-[BABBLES LOUDLY]
[BABBLES, BLOWS RASPBERRIES]
[CONTINUES BABBLING]
[BABBLES AND BLOWS RASPBERRIES]
♪ [MUSIC RESUMES PLAYING] ♪
GREG: So goodly friends,
wake up, put on your lederhosen.
-It's time to celebrate
Oktoberfest...
-Uh-oh.
...and we're going to have
a glorious time. Huzzah!
Lens just fell
out of my glasses.
You got a pair
of glasses up there, Eddie?
EMPLOYEE:
Welcome to the largest
Renaissance Festival
in the United States.
[SCANNER BEEPS]
EMPLOYEE: I have programs here
for five pounds,
maps, menus, showtimes,
all that you need and much more!
GEORGE: We're supposed to be
on an inspection tour
of the campground.
-Is that correct?
-[EDDIE RESPONDS INDISTINCTLY]
Okay.
Then we got to inspect
the campground.
Edward.
-EDDIE: Yeah.
-Back up.
-[EDDIE SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]
-Back up!
sh*t. [CHUCKLES]
EMPLOYEE: Good day, milord.
How art thou?
Let me see your handout sheet
for what you give them
when they come in.
This is the booklet.
It has a map
of the grounds inside.
-Very good. Okay.
-EMPLOYEE: Thank you, sir.
-You pass.
-EMPLOYEE: Have a blessed day.
-Thank you.
-EMPLOYEE: Thank you.
No hat.
Call Laura.
Now, you see why I suffer
from the gross inadequacies
of the human race?
-You have a prime example.
-[LINE RINGING]
LAUREN: [OVER PHONE] Hello?
Yeah, I just went
to the campground gates.
She doesn't have a hat on.
LAUREN:
She didn't have a hat on?
Are they supposed to have a hat?
LAUREN: I will find out.
That is a great question.
-I will definitely ask.
-In the 14th century period,
it was the rule that people
had functions like this
and everybody had to wear a hat.
And so everybody
that works in the festival
has to have a hat on.
Clearly states in section two,
paragraph four.
LAUREN: They should have a hat.
I will make sure
everyone out there gets a hat.
GEORGE: Okay.
This is Mario's parking.
Tradition is we always stop
and say hello to Mario.
Then we ask Mario,
"How many people
are coming to the festival?"
And Mario's one
of the best guessers.
-Mario?
-MARIO: Hey, Mr. George.
-Twenty-four.
-GEORGE: Twenty-four thousand?
My God, I hope so.
I hope-- That'd be damn good.
-I... I think so. Going 24.
-GEORGE: Okay.
Thank you, Mr. George,
for everything.
-GEORGE: Okay.
-Thank you.
GEORGE: Call Jeffrey.
-[LINE RINGING]
-JEFF: [OVER PHONE] Yes, sir.
Okay, we're on
for eleven o'clock?
JEFF: I've got the carriage
waiting here for us.
LAUREN: We're on the way.
Bye-bye.
GEORGE: There's my statue.
Well, he made me
a lot better looking.
The projection is?
EMPLOYEE 1: Eighteen thousand.
Eighteen?
-Mario said 24. Okay.
-EMPLOYEE 1: Mm-hmm.
-EMPLOYEE 2: Your majesty.
-Good afternoon, your grace.
GEORGE: Thank you, ladies.
[HUMMING]
-♪ [MUSIC TURNS CALM] ♪
-[LIVELY CHATTER]
♪ [MUSIC STOPS] ♪
[LIVELY CHATTER CONTINUES]
LOUIE: [IN BRITISH ACCENT]
Good day indeed.
Hello. Hello
Are you having a good time?
Perfect, perfect.
Hello, milord.
Good day, good day.
Good day.
ACTOR: Welcome to the Ren Fair!
It's our first day!
Hi, you dressed up
for our first day?
-Wonderful!
-ACTRESS: Milords and miladies!
Welcome to this
wonderful kingdom!
-♪ [EXCITING MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
-[PHONE BUZZING]
LOUIE: This is Louie.
-[MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY
OVER PHONE]
-Hold on.
Good day, good day. Space Force.
Are you from the future, milord?
Excellent, excellent.
Yeah, okay, I'm not really
supposed to be on the phone.
Um, you know, 'cause
we're in costume, yeah.
I know you're busy, so--
But yeah,
so at the end of the day, man,
it's a good deal.
It looks good, it should work.
I'm excited about it,
and I think
there's support for us.
♪ [EXCITING MUSIC CONTINUES] ♪
All right, here we go,
boys and girls!
Coming up!
We're running out of time.
I don't want to wait.
George is at the point now
where he's ready.
Trust me,
it's definitely worth it.
Spending habits have changed
and with Live Nation up 63%,
Disney's up 73%.
People are really spending
money out at these parks.
Hello, milady.
When I see you smile,
I can take
over the world, milord.
This is a throwback,
and I think it hits
the emotional heart of humans.
And that's where we need to be.
It's hot. [GROANS]
Oh, can I get some water?
-Milords of the day!
-LOUIE: People come in
and they feel like
they're truly part of a village.
That's what people
are craving for.
[GROANS] Who has my water?
It's just a matter
of growing it,
making it more efficient
from a financial standpoint
to generate cash
for the investors.
I got to take this off.
God, it's too f*cking hot.
Make things more interactive.
Holy f*ck. I really feel sick.
Take what we do...
-[SIGHS]
-♪ [MUSIC STOPS] ♪
...and just push the envelope.
I got hydration!
♪ [EXCITING MUSIC
RESUMES PLAYING] ♪
ACTRESS:
...to become king or queen
in this wonderful kingdom!
LOUIE:
I'm like George, I'm impatient.
♪ I can't stop this feeling ♪
I want it now.
Yes, milord!
I want it f*cking done now.
Hip, hip, huzzah!
Hip, hip, huzzah!
Just explain it to Dad and Mom.
I'm not gonna let
anybody lose money.
We have to have a deal
that's gonna be able
to pay for itself.
-Love you too.
-MAN: [OVER PHONE]
I'll talk to you later.
All right, thanks.
Go to go. Bye.
♪ Who is going
to be the next king? ♪
♪ The next king! ♪
-[VOCALIZING]
-Yup.
Give me a dollar!
ACTOR: Make a hall
for the carriage!
Make way for the king!
Make way for the king!
♪ [ACCORDION TUNE PLAYING] ♪
ACTOR: Make way!
JEFF: ...without upselling
that top.
[HORSE WHINNIES]
Good crowd we had
when the gates open today.
There were probably 300 people.
-Yeah.
-You know, I feel lucky today.
DARLA: Yeah?
I think so far things have been
running so very smoothly.
Amazingly so.
Good, so all right.
We're on the ball apparently.
-Moving in the right direction.
-JEFF: We are.
Definitely moving
in the right direction.
George, you know
what we've done really well
over the last couple of years?
Is putting in all these tables.
All these places
for people to sit
because there's so many
festivals across the country...
Are these guys are working
out here with these tents?
-DARLA: You like that?
-Yeah.
-DARLA: This is what
I've been working on.
-Very nice. Very nice.
Oh, those are nice tents.
Super good, man.
DARLA:
I've been talking to the vendors
and they say,
"More traffic already."
They can tell there's more
traffic through here already.
GEORGE: Oh, yeah, Darla.
Very nice.
DARLA: Thank you, sir.
That kettle corn smells good.
I think even,
you know, in the future,
there might even be one
at the other end of the fair.
-Let's go that way.
-DARLA: To the right,
please, if you could.
We're done.
-Okay.
-DARLA: You want to buzz
by the Thirsty Pirate
real quick?
-Let's buzz by, yeah.
-GEORGE: No.
We'll do that next weekend.
DARLA: Okay.
We'll do that next weekend.
We can head back
to the front, please.
Thank you.
ACTOR:
Make way for the carriage!
-[LIVELY CHATTER]
-♪ [PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
DARLA: Okay, George.
GEORGE:
Yeah, touch base with Louie.
Can you do that?
-I'll make it work.
-GEORGE: Okay.
I'll touch base
with you tomorrow, George.
If you need me for anything,
just let me know.
-Okay?
-GEORGE: Okay.
-Have a good lunch.
-[CAR ENGINE STARTS]
DARLA: It's very obvious,
to me anyway,
that there are parasites
on this fair.
It's the ones
that think TRF is theirs.
Jeff's an artist
and he's been involved
with this fair
for a very, very long time.
He's been an asset
for a very, very long time.
But what we need
is someone to be the boss.
♪ ["HUNGARIAN RHAPSODY NO. 2"
BY FRANZ LISZT PLAYING] ♪
LAUREN: [OVER PHONE]
How was the carriage ride?
-JEFF: He was in good spirits.
-LAUREN: Good.
-JEFF: You know?
-LAUREN: Good, good.
JEFF: He was complimentary
of everything.
You know, George,
I mean, if he finds fault,
-he will point it out.
-LAUREN: He will comment.
JEFF: Is there time
for us to get sweets?
-[INDISTINCT CHATTER OVER TV]
-BRANDI: Yay.
JEFF: Oh, boy.
It's Lauren with butter bars.
Yeah, this guy
is really good with coffee.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Mitch, come in.
I have one bone
to pick with you.
-JEFF: Okay.
-Very serious.
The first two costume contests,
-I know. [CHUCKLES]
-...we had the best costumes,
bar none, and you gave it
to our friends...
-[PHONE DINGS]
-...who had these green costumes
that hadn't been
even finished out.
And after you made
that asinine decision...
[CHUCKLES]
This is the same story I tell,
just from a different angle.
Uh-huh.
-[PHONE DINGS]
-MITCH: ...everybody came up
to us and said,
"There is something wrong here
-because you always
have the best costumes."
-[PHONE DINGS]
JEFF: I gotta tell you that
the year before...
-LAUREN: Hey, Jeff.
-...didn't we send you
to England
round the trip
with British Airways.
-[LAUGHS]
-WOMAN: England?
MITCH:
Day before fair, a year later,
I go to the post office
and I get a...
-[PHONE RINGING]
-JEFF: Can you take that,
Lauren?
-[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
-LAUREN: Hey, Neal.
Hey, I've already-- They've...
Uh-huh. Give me one second.
Um, we are currently
in a room with--
[GROUP LAUGHS]
-What happened to the..
-Uh, two guests.
-Jeff.
-LAUREN: Hey, Jeff.
I'm gonna need
to cut this party short.
We have some work
we need to deal with.
Okay, we need the room.
I gotta take care
of some business.
[LINE RINGING]
-JEFF: Karl, I need you.
-KARL: [OVER PHONE]
Okay, where you at?
JEFF: Somehow
the Navasota Examiner got wind
that the water supply
was no good.
BRANDI: It's already
at Houston Chronicle.
It's at the Chronicle. Here.
JEFF: Yeah,
it's at the Chronicle now too.
[MOUSE CLICKING]
JEFF: All right,
we all know it's a lie.
We're safe. We're good.
We were good.
It's just a lie that some idiot
posted on social media.
♪ [WHIMSICAL FRISS PLAYS] ♪
-Hello pirates...
-[CROWD CHEERING]
...and welcome
to the Thirsty Pirate Pub.
[WATER HISSING]
That's unbelievable.
How could this be
even happening right now?
We had a brand-new system.
-Not even a possibility.
-[CROWD CHEERING]
No, it wasn't my fault,
for sure.
It had to be...
Whose fault was it then?
JEFF: George,
the water has always been safe.
Always.
It was an anomalous test.
In fact, we even have
a statement
from the health department
saying that the water
is perfectly safe.
We're retracting it right now.
♪ [MUSIC SWELLS] ♪
-[CROWD CHEERING]
-♪ [MUSIC CONCLUDES] ♪
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
JEFF: I thought
we did everything right.
BRANDI: But the thing is,
is that now you know
if something
like this happens again...
JEFF:
People aren't going to read
through to the end
of the article.
People are going
to read the headline.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
George will just say,
"I f*cked up."
And that's what matters to me.
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
-DARLA: Hi, George.
-GEORGE: Darla.
Okay.
You probably noticed
we're suffering a lot
of Jeffrey's f*ck.
-DARLA: Little bit.
-GEORGE: A little?
-[DARLA SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]
-GEORGE: Jesus Christ.
DARLA: I'm trying to be kind.
GEORGE: Well,
he just let a lot of things
all slip through the thing,
and he was off
at Joy Land somewhere.
Darla, we're looking for
some managers to help him.
-DARLA: Gotcha.
-GEORGE: Can you do that?
-DARLA: Okay.
-GEORGE: We'll explain that
to him.
DARLA: Mm-hmm.
GEORGE: Okay?
-GEORGE: Okay?
-DARLA: Okay.
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
Co-GMs.
Yeah.
Co-GMs, Jeff and Darla.
And who knows? Who knows
if that's where the...
where it'll stop.
Maybe because
I don't trust anybody,
I don't think
it will stop there.
DARLA:
I'm the co-general manager
of the Texas
Renaissance Festival.
♪ [PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
DARLA: We've decided that
it's going to take two people
to actually help run this show.
My job is regardless
what's going on
with the Willy Wonka situation,
I will keep this company afloat
and I will keep it
moving forward.
We're kind of at a pivotal time
because I have yet to see
a fair successfully handed
from one person to another.
If George can relax enough
to let Louie come in,
and he and I work together,
and let us take
that burden off of him,
then that would be
the best-case scenario.
-LOUIE: Hey, Darla.
-DARLA: Louie.
LOUIE: I have a question
for you. I'm not sure
-it's the right time to ask.
-DARLA: Absolutely.
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]
-[CAR DOOR CLOSES]
-♪ [PENSIVE MUSIC CONTINUES] ♪
♪ [MUSIC FADES] ♪
ANNOUNCER: [OVER TV]
This best of seven
has become a best of three
to decide a World Champion
in 2022...
JEFF: Darla wants my job.
Louie doesn't give a rat's a*s.
And they're working together?
JEFF: Yes.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
The term that I wanted
to take to George...
is that they are thick
as thieves.
[CROWD CHEERING OVER TV]
I'm worried.
I think that sometime
this weekend,
George will sign something.
Something in the end
I think he'll regret.
I just have to
point it out to George.
I just have to
point it out to him.
Either you pursue something
that you've given
the last 43 years of your life,
or you let somebody come in
and just throw away everything
that happened before.
I'm not gonna
let someone come in
and throw away everything
that happened before.
I'm not.
I'm not.
I've been true-- [SCOFFS]
I've been truer to him.
I have.
I've been truer to him
than I was my mother.
BRANDI:
What do you mean by that?
[SIGHS]
[BREATHES DEEPLY]
Well, I've had to be.
My mother,
I could push her away to a home
and not have to deal
with the situation.
With George,
I don't think there's anyone
who cares for him.
They don't.
BRANDI: But do you think
he even appreciates that?
I know he doesn't.
So is it folly?
Of course it's folly. My--
[SCOFFS]
Of course it's folly.
Of course it is.
♪ [PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
Of course it is.
[CRYING] Goddammit.
Why is it so important?
[SNIFFLES]
Why is it so important?
Why can't I just go in
and leave it when I go home?
Why is it so important?
[SNIFFLES] And it's slipping.
-[SNIFFLES]
-BRANDI: What's done is done.
It's not like you're
gonna convince him.
♪ [MUSIC FADES] ♪
GEORGE:
The big meeting is tomorrow.
Louie thinks he's got
the money together.
His family are going to come
and kick the tires
and see if they want
to buy the festival.
[LAUGHS]
Very exciting moment for Louie.
♪ [INTRIGUING MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
This is his day in the sun.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
GEORGE: Yes, his mother
and his father and his aunts
and uncles have some money
that they could put up
as collateral for loans
from the bank to him
to make the payment.
Jesus Christ. This is his dream.
This is the thing
that he dreams about.
DARLA: He's going
to bring you on, Louie.
George is headed to you.
Right now.
By the food booth there,
by the new...
-LOUIE: [OVER PHONE]
So you see him?
-Yup.
-LOUIE: All right.
Let's do this.
-DARLA: Want me to get him?
-LOUIE: .
-DARLA: Okay.
I got him.
[PHONE KEYBOARD CLACKING]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
DRAGON: Jeffrey,
you're running out of time.
-[RADIO STATIC]
-JEFF: Make good choices.
DRAGON: It's now or never.
You must speak to the king.
DRAGON: No more playing
the long game, Jeffrey.
You know what you have to do.
LOUIE: My family loves it
out here because it's fun.
They know the possibilities.
Based on a deal,
it's a f*cking win-win.
We can give him more upside
than he's ever had as long
as I've been here.
Because it's never been managed
with good people.
We all know what George wants,
except for one person.
George wants to retire,
but if George retires
and somebody buys it,
somebody's left out.
DRAGON: [ECHOING]
Jeff!
LOUIE: I'm not here
to f*cking inherit something
and play games
and be a yes-man. f*ck that.
I'm here to make decisions,
to make the best thing
for this place,
and I want to do that
and I want to pay for it.
I got the numbers
in f*cking line.
That's what I did.
♪ [MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY] ♪
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
[CAR DOOR CLOSES]
BETH: Jeff's here.
-GEORGE: Jeff is here?
-BETH: Yes, sir.
GEORGE:
Is there anybody else with him?
Is he just by himself?
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
Okay, Mr. Jeffrey.
George, I'm one of those actors
that as much as I can act,
I cannot lie.
George, I don't want you
to do this deal.
I don't want you to sell.
-[CHUCKLES]
-JEFF: I want this place
to go on
as you envisioned it.
As I like to think
we envisioned it.
I mean, is sometimes change
a good thing?
Yeah, I know that change
can be a good thing,
but it has to be
the right person.
[INHALES SHARPLY]
George, don't sell.
Don't sell to Louie.
I'm afraid that once
you are no longer the owner
of the Texas
Renaissance Festival,
you're not the king anymore.
You are...
normal.
♪ ["HOW CAN I KEEP
FROM SINGING?" PLAYING] ♪
♪ My life flows on ♪
♪ In endless song ♪
♪ Above earth's lamentation ♪
♪ I hear the sweet
Though far-off hymn ♪
♪ That hails a new creation ♪
♪ No storm can shake
My inmost calm ♪
♪ While to that refuge
Clinging ♪
♪ Since Christ is Lord ♪
♪ Of heaven and earth ♪
♪ How can I keep from singing? ♪
♪ [SONG CONCLUDES] ♪
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01x02 - Make Big Choices
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Ren Faire follows an epic power struggle at the Texas Renaissance Festival, after its founder announces his retirement.
Ren Faire follows an epic power struggle at the Texas Renaissance Festival, after its founder announces his retirement.