03x03 - First Base

[bunniefuu]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

beaver sure you don't wanna pancakes oh

thanks mom but Dad it's those pancakes

that help put me on this diet the first

place no and you're doing so well

I'm very proud of you hey guys where's

your brother

look and you know how sensitive a kid

his age can be so when he gets down here

let's just try not to discourage or make

fun of them well I think I can handle

that how about you mom what are you

talking about Kip he buffed his shoes he

reeks of Cologne and I think there's a

crease in his pants

baby got hit harder than the head and we

thought it's soccer I think he likes a

girl little Oliver Oliver and a girl no

way it's not that long ago I caught him

eating out of a garbage can

dad the guy's voice changed now how long

can you expect a kid to think that's

sticking his hands and what cement is

the big time I think I know who the girl

is

do you remember last week when you had

to go to the principal's office because

you put a tuna sandwich in your gym

shoes Oliver likes Betsy Martin did you

do a lot worse her father owns his own

jet ski

[Music]

Kevin it's okay to use a spoon slugger

look at you two you are so useful it's

hard to believe you have a daughter my

age Kelly you are not getting your own

phone yes I know dad it's a reward I

have to earn um I was wondering if maybe

I could have a little party well sure

honey your birthday's coming up well I

didn't mean a birthday party so I was

thinking about an adult party like you

guys have except I invite kids and no

one would have to drive mr. hat go home

I'm gonna get a boy-girl party all do

you know dad age isn't the issue here

it's maturity no please it's all right

with your father

oh I don't see any reason why not sure

hi Jill JJ he said to get you to 2k VIP

I'd have to threaten to become a

manicure fine

how could you tell her she could have a

boy-girl party wait you said it was up

to me yes but I didn't think you'd be

dumb enough to think yeah dumb enough

Maria and she was standing right next to

you if you didn't want to have a party I

was in my mind reader a peek at the ugly

underbelly of the quintessential

American family what do you want any I

thought I'd install that smoke alarm I

promised you last week that was last

year but thanks hey don't worry about it

I had to get out of the house anyway

Kurt had that look in her eye if I don't

hung around another minute she'd have

made a move on me

don't flatter yourself Eddie I'm sure

Gert has better things to do with her

day

well if it isn't Bonnie Prince Charles a

Buddha hunt

well like I talk to you alone ain't no

problem who else would want to hear what

you gotta say Eddie get a ladder and a

noose so what's up well you think you

know your own kid and then one morning

you wake up and they're not the person

you thought they were tipped Ernie in

for cheating when he can't eat poignant

I wish it was that simple Oliver's got a

crush on Betsy Martin hey if you play

your cards right maybe you're down to

let us use these jet ski I'm really

growing up yeah I know what you mean not

five minutes ago Kelly was in here

asking if she can have a boy-girl party

you're not letting her are you well sure

well I didn't want to but you know Mary

Ellen she can't say no to the kid Kelly

yeah little Oliver what are you guys

griping about if we were South Americans

would all be grandparents by now come on

guys it's human nature it's not as if

you can lock your kids up forever God

knows I've tried

yeah I know any I was just remembering

my first crush I remember mine miss

Landers I remember the first set of

bones I wanted to jump jerilyn

Cunningham first girl in our class to

wear a bra but that was Mary Ellen

Kleenex

[Music]

look at her she's wearing my second

favorite outfit today the only one I

like better is that little blue jumper

with the pink nisab

keep it up cleaver and I'm gonna barf

all over your shoes

sorry Duffy just I like the way she

dresses and smells and the way or tongue

hangs I was playing four square skirts

so much you just march in there and tell

her I couldn't do that I mean the only

things that's in there is stuff like

would you get four problems six and hey

there's a bug on your leg Oh simple

see there's only three things girls like

to talk about

that's horses cats and themselves hey

you know so much about girls hey I have

three sisters they all keep Diaries go

in there and dazzle me with how much you

know about horses and cats and before

you not you'll be dodging your in-laws

[Music]

however come on sit down

[Music]

so what's going on I saw a dead cat once

deep I was eatin garbage out of this big

trash can and there was Jen what I bet

me wait I saw a dead horse once to

Oliver I just mopped that floor I'm

sorry grandma I'll go back out and come

into the front it's okay

Oliver I found something very

interesting in the mailbox today grandma

I don't care what that bus driver said I

was not the one making the train noises

while we were going over the tracks I'm

sure you weren't I think it's an

invitation to Kelly's boy-girl party and

Betsy Martin's invited too

really I mean uh well I guess I could

drop in if I don't have anything better

to do

[Music]

[Applause]

do you dress yourself or did the closet

explode give me some time I mean I'm

used to picturing you as this little

goof with a shirt button wrong and scabs

all over his elbow Kip guys like that

don't get invited to real boy girl

parties

my little brother doesn't seem all that

long ago I was invited to my first

boy-girl party really what was it like

oh it was great

Freddie hid in the fireplace all night

but I had a blast dance with Laurel and

Baker practically the whole night he

danced slower fast mostly slow after her

stitches broke you know the best part

you get to take home some food oh we all

made a circle and started playing spin

the bottle that was great I kissed

Connie

lorilynn Cheryl boy that Cheryl could

kiss suck the gum right out of my mouth

can't do kissing hey go to that party no

way

[Music]

I know how you feel Holly when I went to

my first boy-girl party I was petrified

look at me now yeah you've been home

every Saturday night for the past four

weeks hey when you're frightened that to

like mind you need Saturday's to recover

would your friend same thing you were

afraid of a little party not afraid and

who says if a guy likes a girl he had to

dance with her and kiss her why can't he

just follow her around until she slugs

him look you're gonna learn to dance and

I'm gonna teach you dancing his

coordination if you can hit a baseball

you can dance if you can play soccer you

can dance every dance is like he played

goalie last week for wasting our time oh

really I don't even know we're having a

party the only reason they got with

dance with you is if he was getting cash

[Music]

guys people always get screwed on

dancing because they have no idea what

to do with their hands actually if you

just think of everyday stuff and you act

it out to the feet you got it not I'll

show you you bring the groceries in and

you pull them all on the shelf

you're bringing the groceries in and you

put them on the show oops I dropped one

oops I drop why not you fold your

laundry fold your clothes come on let's

see you strut your stuff can't do that

what are you looking stupid too late for

the party

he can't even name the seven continents

can't you Australia South America North

America Middle America

get out of here Kelly come on Holly you

gotta try new things in life

oh yeah the moment Daddy Brussels

sprouts start with the basics okay hey

wait a minute this is what they're doing

prison movies just shut your trap in

Apollo one and two and three and four

[Music]

well there's nothing like waxing the

kitchen floor to bring the family

together I'm sorry mom I wasn't thinking

I was trying to erase the picture of Kip

and Oliver slow dancing beaver you're

just going to have to accept the fact

that Oliver isn't your little tip

anymore you know when I look at Oliver

now it reminds me of when he was little

and he finally learned how to tie his

shoes well I was glad that he learned

but I was kind of sad that I'd never be

able to tie him again for him but don't

you worry beaver when he gets his laces

tied in knots he's still gonna need you

to untangle him mom is the years go by

you're getting more and more

philosophical well when you watch these

floors many times as I have you develop

a better understanding in the world here

maybe it'll work for you too

[Music]

you think after the tenth dance they get

the idea yeah you know you can do this

bliss hey Betty hi having a good time

let me be blunt your mere presence cares

sucking the life right out of this

partner you make yourself guess if we

did leave maybe they would be more

comfortable Kelly honey come here say no

I'm done dancing before tonight yes we

your father and I want you to know that

you've never given us any reason not to

trust you so we're gonna go upstairs to

our room and let you kids enjoy

yourselves

I thought you guys would never thank you

that's very nice of you

well that's the kind of people we are

have fun kids easy to stop was finally

pulling now how's your chance for what

do I have to tell you everything

go ask Betsy wetsy to dance and get this

party rolling how come I gonna do

everything first because usually you're

the one that's stupid enough to do it

and that this time the butt stops here

I'll just have to ask Betsy to dance

wait a minute better not one dance with

you and she'll probably end up hating

boys the rest of her life

[Music]

hi hi it's me Oliver you're not going to

tell me about the dead cat again are you

just really not much more to tell um

would you like to uh could you do me a

favor

that depends well my cousin Kelly is

really in the dumps cuz her party's such

a dud well but if you and me started

dancing or something she wouldn't be

afraid to show her face at school on

Monday I guess I can't do that

poor Kelly

[Music]

it's awful quiet down there maybe you

should run down and take a peek

what am daughter's social

development you know it's starting

already

before you know it boys will be calling

at all hours of the night showing up on

our doorsteps with their hormones of

fire wanting to drag Kelly off down to

the quarry Oh boys and may feel aren't

like that are you kidding boys are the

same everywhere they doin say anything

to get what they want from a girl quiet

down there

[Music]

you hit the jackpot big boy thank you

for a lovely evening Kelly

[Music]

okay you're next Kelly uh maybe you

better go next I have to make sure the

ice cream is properly sized thank you

mom Kelly her closet hideaway oh wait

[Music]

nice winter coat look Duffy do you

really want to do this don't you sorta

but not with you yeah I can understand

that okay when we walk out of here

look dreamy-eyed and a little dizzy that

way they'll think we did the dirty deed

and everybody's happy

well did you what do you think Wow quit

slobbering and spin cleaver

[Music]

it's a line or spin again

[Music]

would you like the lay on or off

I think off like you're better uh you

know I'm like my grandma says these

plastic hangers are no good cuz

everything always slides awesome

you scared Oliver well yeah sort of but

it's not the same sort of scary is when

the teacher announces a pop quiz I know

what you mean but I still rather kiss

you than any other guy that's at the

party and I well I'm sort of glad that

it's you two because well I think you're

pretty okay for a girl

[Music]

[Applause]

that wasn't so bad want to do it again

[Music]

koalas I was just uh showing Betsy here

my goal in the dark watch yeah it was

okay I guess well so what'd you do

uh usually I ate danced eat some more

then it was time to go home

where's your friend Betsy there Betsy

yeah I might have seen her there oh I

understand

I guess there's some things you'd rather

not talk about with your father

yeah pretty much

I did

[Music]

good night Ally

[Music]

tonight at 9:00 Eastern on the

superstation dive deep into the North

Atlantic as National Geographic Explorer

reveals the secrets of the Titanic and

relives the last hours aboard including

never-before-seen video now Kenny Rogers

preaches patience and coward of the

county next on the superstation

[Music]