02x09 - Get Sam Donaldson's Mystery Bag

[bunniefuu]

♪ Big open mouth says ♪

Assume the crash position.

Hold on tight.

Take a deep breath...

For a new kind of cartoon show.

Earthquake!

[Singing ska]

And u.s. Department of education

It's... Kablam!

Where cartoons and comics collide.

Now to take you inside and turn the pages,

Here are your hosts henry and june.

Greetings, kablam-a-philiacs.

I'm henry, and this is...june!

Don't move!

There's a possum on your head.

Possum, schmossum, henroid.

I'm wearing a limited edition replica

Of sam donaldson's hair.

I got it for joining

The sam donaldson fan club.

Sam donald-who?

Uhh! Sam donaldson.

He's america's most dynamic

And misunderstood newsman.

You know, more people get their news

From sam donaldson

Than from any other telejournalist.

What a joke. Who would want to join his fan club?

[Snorts]

How desperate and insecure do you have to be

To start up a club

Just so millions of people you don't even know

Can love and worship you?

Say!

I think you hear me knocking, hankski,

And you know I'm coming in.

Stay tuned for all the latest info

On the hot new henry and june fan club.

Right after this tv treat from sniz and fondue.

Tv: the tiny pygmy shrew will viciously attack

Without any provocation.

You are about to hear the testimony of ex-hikers,

All of whom had their achilles tendons

Sliced into prosciutto striplets[ribbit ribbit]

By the truculent pygmy shrew.

Would you stop? What are you--

Ha! Got you!

I got fondue!

Got me? What are you talking about?

Practical joked you.

I totally fooled you!

[Ribbit ribbit]

Uh, not quite. Now, would you please leave me alone?

♪ Under the moonlight ♪

♪ That serious moonlight ♪

Oh, hi, sniz.

Ihola!

What, no froggy friends today?

Not quite. Hee hee hee!

I want you to try something.

Here you go.

[Burp]

Look! I just yakked in your chair.

Sniz, it's so obvious that's not real stomach sample.

Hold on!

Eeh! Aah!

Let me explain something.

A prank is a seemingly innocent situation

Cleverly twisted to result

In an amusing and unexpected shenanigan,

Not a mindless act of aggression!

Hmm.

Interesting.

[Knock on door]

Yeah. Come in.

Wait.

What in the world of assorted fruits?!

Aaaaah!

Hey! No!

Ha!

Whoo-hoo!

Got you.

Are you out of your mind?

Guess I found my talent arena.

I'm a professional practical joker.

Hardly.

Whoo. You definitely have no sense of humorousness.

And you definitely have no clue.

You are not a practical jokester

And never will be!

Phh! Am too!

And because I value your opinion so much,

I'm going to prove it!

[Drilling]

Minutes to show time!

Hey! Aah!

[Crash]

Fondue?!

Ahh!

F-fondue?

Fondue, speak to me!

[Siren]

I pronounce you criminally insane.

♪ Hey, sad girl ♪

♪ With the tear in your eye ♪

Mr. Bronkowski, you have a visitor.

Got you! Whoo!

Ha ha ha ha!

Fondue!

Ha ha ha! I got you primavera!

Hee hee!

Ha ha! Good one! Good one!

Ha ha ha!

You should have seen the-- you should have--

Ha ha ha ha!

You are truly the prankiest of pranksters!

Ha ha ha ha!

[Laughing]

The funniest of funsters!

[Both laughing uncontrollably]

[Snickers]

Now that sniz and fondue are in the nut house,

They're going to need some good reading material.

May I suggest...

A copy of the official henry and june fan club newsletter?

It's ready?! Hot diggity kablam!

"A day in the life of henry?

"Henry's -alarm chili recipe?

Henry the great, I am, I am?"

There's nothing in here about me!

Where's "june's junior jumble?"

Sorry, june.

I'm just giving the people what they want.

I'll show you what the people want!

This means w*r, you dirtbag!

I'm starting my own fan club...

Right after this nifty adventure

From america's favorite

Injection-molded nimrods--

Action league now!

Uhh!

Narrator: dateline-- the mayoral mansion,

Where his dishonor the mayor

Recklessly exploits a risky technology.

Mayor: ha ha!

Thanks to my new nuclear reactor,

I can have all the cheap, unsafe energy I want!

Look at me, ma! On top of the world!

Narrator: meanwhile, at spin cycle nuclear reactor,

The mayor's power drain puts an innocent schoolgirl

On a collision course with danger.

Girl: darn it. I wish I were a superhero.

Then I wouldn't have to go to school.

[Alarm buzzing]

[People screaming]

Girl: oh, no!

A nuclear disaster!

Ew! Gross!

Narrator: starring...

The flesh...

He's super-strong

And super-naked.

Thunder girl...

She flies like thunder.

Stinky diver...

A former navy commando

With an attitude as bad as his odor...

And meltman...

With the power to, um... Melt!

Today's episode...

We find our heroes at action headquarters,

Ready to respond to an impending nuclear nightmare.

Action league away!

Far away.

Wait. There's nowhere to run.

That reactor is about to blow,

And when it does,

It will wipe out every living organism on the planet.

Gee, I guess we'll have to go to europe, then.

Show some spine, you action weenies.

You heard bill the lab guy.

We got to pull the plug on that blasted reactor.

Now, let's move out!

Narrator: meanwhile...

Hello, smarter image?

I'd like to order your electronic pants presser,

Mustache trimmer, mr. Latte...

[Alarm]

Well, if it isn't those meddling action idiots.

Ha ha! This ought to cut them down to size!

Uh-oh! We've got company.

Goody! I love company!

Stinky diver: whew! Now, that was a close shave.

Ow!

Hey!

Not any fun. Jeez!

Narrator: as the league goes to pieces,

A radiated lab girl goes haywire.

Daddy, what's happening to me?

Ha ha! Don't worry, sweetheart. It's called puberty.

Your body is changing in strange and wonderful ways.

Oops.

That's perfectly normal.

Narrator: meanwhile...

The water level is dangerously low, sir.

If we don't shut down the reactor now,

It's going to blow.

Thank you for your opinion, gunderson.

Why don't you take the rest of the day off?

Aah!

Aah! Run for your lives!

Uh-oh. Here's trouble.

Europe, here I come!

Narrator: will one man's greed destroy a perfectly good planet?

With the league members dismembered,

Can anyone stave off the earth's destruction?

Stay tuned for the action-contaminated conclusion of...

Hey, kablamoids. Stay where you am.

There's cartoons to cram.

Still to come, prometheus and bob,

The brothers tiki,

And when we return, more action league now!

Right here on kablam!

Narrator: a reactor, critical mass.

A league, critical mulch.

With the fate of the earth hanging in the balance,

All eyes turn to an intrepid lab guy.

There's nothing I can do.

Girl: maybe there's something I can do.

Quarky?

Not "quarky," daddy.

Superteen!

Superteen, away!

Uhh!

Man: quarky-- I mean, superteen,

Get down from there, or you're in a load of trouble.

Load?

Load! That's it!

I think I found the problem.

That does it.

Freakish mutant or no freakish mutant, you're grounded.

Nuclear power, say hello to teen power!

Aah!

Uhh!

I hate mondays.

Narrator: moments later...

Flesh: we're here. Hooray for us!

Good work, bill the lab guy.

It wasn't me. It was my daughter.

Look, guys. I'm a superhero, just like you.

Yeah, right. Nice try.

Flesh: that's a good one.

Hey, quarky, isn't it a little early for halloween?

The name's superteen.

Right. Got it.

Superteen. Check.got it.

Narrator: the end.

Friends, if you like action league now!

Then you'll want to join henry's fan club now.

Just for joining, you'll get an "I heart henry" iron-on patch

Of your favorite kablammy host--me!

And for a limited time, I'll throw in this special offer...

Chock-full of mystery things

Known only to, you guessed it--me!

Hello.

The june fan club is only offering one gift item,

But we think you'll agree it's a very special one.

Ladies and gentlemen, the henry doll.

Ha! How pathetic.

You can only get members by using me.

True, henroid, but like you said,

I'm just giving the people what they want.

Ow!

Ouch!

Yikes!

The henry doll is great fun

For june fans of all ages...

Just like our next cartoon, prometheus and bob.

Narrator: what you are about to see is top-secret.

It is a videotape recorded , years ago

By an alien using a remote-controlled camera.

It shows his attempts to educate a cave man.

They have been code named the prometheus and bob tapes.

Tape -- farming.

Uh?

[Speaking alien language]

Uhh.

Ahh!

...hey! Hey, what?!

[Grunting]

[Speaking alien language]

Huh?

...what?

Bob?

What?

[Yelling in alien language]

[Screech]

Ohh!

Hey, you little rat...

[Yelling in alien language]

Ah.

Ah.

Ah! Ah!

[Sobbing]

Ohh!

[Moaning]

Calm...calm down. Calm down.

Bob.

[Speaking alien language]

...and now I take that.

Hey, bob. Calm down.

Uhh.

Aah!

[Speaking alien language]

Aah!

[Screaming]

[Screeching]

Welcome back, folks.

I would like to take this time

To apologize profusely for my behavior today.

May I interject to say "ditto?"

This fan club rivalry has really gotten out of hand.

Well, said, fellow co-host.

We both know there's a much more mature way

For us to settle our differences.

Both: to the robotic fighting machines!

Prepare to taste hot metal fury!

Ivamos a la playa!

That's spanish for "my lasers, his face."

Male voice: prepare for a message from central command.

Female voice: we have received word

Of a possible downed craft in your sector.

Please investigate and report back.

Male voice: craft identification complete.

She's one of ours!

Rescue team, go!

♪ The brothers tiki ♪

♪ The brothers tiki ♪

♪ The brothers tiki ♪

Male voice: commander's journal.

We've landed near some bizarre place of worship.

Bingo! Maverick craft located.

Initiating rescue.

Tikinaut away.

Commander: tikinaut secure?

Check. Terra firma confirma.

Prepare for release.

Check.

You're on your own.

Remember, no hot-dogging.

Yeah, that's check-adelic, chuck.

That's commander chuck.

Possible hostile alien.

You want a piece of me?

Huh? Do you?

I didn't think so.

Oh...hah!

It looks quiet...

Too quiet.

Aah! Nothing but ashes!

Ashes! We all fall down!

What's happening? Come in, tikinaut. Come in!

Man down! Man down! Mayday! Mayday!

I'm on my way.

Aah!

[Mumbles]

Aah!

Commander: whoa!

[Thud]

[Exhales deeply]

Come on, brother. Stay with me.

Breathe, darn you!

A very heroic display,

But obviously I need no assistance.

Hmm. This atmosphere is perfectly breathable.

Breathable?

Ahh...i was starting to humidify

In my nether regions.

Ahh...

Sheesh.

Commander's journal.

The entire crew of the downed craft, I fear, is lost,

Victims of some unforeseen evil.

I will now perform a brief ceremony

For our fallen comrades.

What mysteries lie beyond this life?

What grand scheme awaits us?

Why now, where now?

Commander: what now?

I wasn't finished yet!

Time to totemize!time to totemize!

Prepare to taste tiki wrath, unholy beast!

[Latin music playing]

It's jamming our system.

Got...to...fight the beat!

Engage freeze mode-- will you stop dancing?

Huh?

Hmm.

Commander: go, go, go, go, go!

Commander to ship, code red!

Perimeter breach in progress.

Initiate auto-defense mode.

Weapons engage. Prepare to fire.

Fire!

Aw...

The ship! This is bad.

Man: ok, honey! Now, stand back

While I fire this baby up.

[Moaning]

[Screaming]

Possible final entry.

Ship destroyed.

We are marooned.

Only hope is to lay low

And wait for rescue.

Must survive by our wits.

Ooh!

Peekaboo! I see you!

[Snoring]

Help me!

And u.s. Department of education

Captioned by the national captioning institute --www.ncicap.org--

We interrupt our regularly scheduled program

To bring you a special report.

Here now, the dynamic, misunderstood sam donaldson.

The fan club w*r continues to rage,

Shattering the once tranquil set of kablam!

This is some of the worst animated fighting

In a bloody century of cartoon conflicts.

But what can you expect?

In a world where everyone gets their minutes of fame,

They're bound to spend of them

Acting like hooligans.

Sam's right, june.

Of course he is, henry.

You know, more people get their news from sam donaldson

Than from any other telejournalist.

June, we've let our lust for fame go to our heads.

What do you say-- truce?

Truce.

Most eloquent.

In other news tonight, members of my hot fan club

Can now receive their very own

Sam donaldson robotic fighting machines,

Just like the ones diane and I use on primetime live.

Oy vay.

Well, that's about all for today, folks.

Thanks to all our fans for watching.

So until next time...

We'll catch you on the kablam!side.

Announcer: join us again next time,