03x04 - Holdeth the Pickle, Holdeth the Lettuce

[bunniefuu]

Wake up the masses!

Assume the crash position.

Hold on tight!

Take a deep breath...

For a cartoon crama-ganza!

Iiiiit's...

Kablam!

Where cartoons and comics collide.

Now to take you inside and turn the pages,

Here are your hosts, henry and june.

And u.s. Department of education

[Yankee doodleplays]

Greetings and good day to ye, kablamers.

Today, we're coming to you from fabulous colonial williamsburg...

Where you'll get a peek at what life was really like

For our nation's founding fathers.

So grab your -cornered hat and join us

As we learn a little about history.

And boost our ratings the colonial way.

Whoops.

Looks like our generator's on the fritz.

Hey, good sir,

Is there somewhere we can plug in around here?

Plug in? What mean ye, brother?

No, seriously. We're about to run out of electricity.

Your words are most foreign to mine ears.

Why don't we just go to our first--

Guess what, melanie. Mrs. Stevens

Gave us an oral report to do,

And I'm doing mine on super heroes.

You can tell me all kinds of jetcat secrets, right?

Sure. But I'll have to k*ll you afterwards.

Really?

No. Not really, todd.

You're my best friend.

I'm not gonna k*ll you. Geesh!

But you'll tell me all your super hero secrets anyway, right?

Wrong again, pal.

Fine. You know what?

I'd rather do my report on a super villain anyway.

[Sighs]

Attention, super villains!

Jetcat's best friend!

Ask me about her secrets!

[Gasps] yikes!

Ow! Watch it!

What do you think of my astro skull?

Your heart was filled with dread, yes?

Uh, I guess.

I am bella kiss,

Kidnapping you into my bellalair.

Go into it now. I refuse you to fuss. Go, go, go, go.

Bella kiss?

Maybe you oughta consider, you know, an evil alias,

Something like zombor or baron lurk!

Or how about--

I am taking great offense!

My name is evil enough!

Now is the time for you to reveal to me

Jetcat's super hero secrets!

Ha. Y-yeah. Well...

Did I mention I'm doing a school report on super villains?

I--i could interview you.

Interview?

Yeah!

You could tell the world your side of the story.

Well, my class, anyway.

Hmm...

[Sniffs]

And so...

I arrived in this country an orphan,

Merely years of age.

[Sniff sniff]

Cruel children make fun of my name

Wherever I am going.

"Bella smella," they would be yelling.

Back home, no such trouble,

But here...

[Trip, splash]

I wonder if todd's seen this one.

Hi, mrs. Johnson. Is todd there?

He's not?

Hmm. I can't believe he's skipping jumbohead.

That's weird.

And then, my poppy says to me,

Bella...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

How about lettin' loose

Of some juicy super villain secrets?

For instance, what's this button do?

Bella: troublenick!

You have activated my cartoon interrupting transmitter!

You are live on television!

Cartoon interrupting?

Wow! That is evil!

Todd!

What are you doing in bella's lair?

Enough of you!

It is time for you to spill beans about that meddlesome jetcat!

Um, well...

The truth is... I don't know any of her secrets!

Liar!

[Echo] liar!

You ask and ask about super villain secrets,

Yes?

Hokey-doke.

I give you secrets.

For your example,

This is what an evil genius might do

To a nasty, lying boy!

Hey, now we're gettin' somewhere!

Ok, this is good material.

Got it!

Thanks!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Aah! No!

[Rumbling]

Huh?

[Blip-blip-bleep]

Aah!

So...we meet again,

Bella kiss!

I thought I told you to put away your twisted toys of terror!

But I'm not finished playing.

Catch!

Uh-oh.

Prepare to be jetcuffed, creepy pants!

My name is bella kiss!

Ow, ow, ow.

You are pinching my evil skin! Ow.

No! Oh! Oh!

Any time you're ready, pal!

Whoa--oh!

Whoo.

Thanks, jetcat.

W-wait a minute.

My notebook!

Where's my notebook?

My notebook!

[Crunch, chomp, crunch]

My report... It's ruined!

Oh, that's a shame.

What am I supposed to say?

Hi, mrs. Stevens. Hyenas ate my homework.

Todd johnson, let's hear your report next.

U-um...

W-well...

You see...

Sorry I'm late, pal.

Now let's get on with that exclusive, live interview, shall we?

Ooh!wow!

Thanks.

You really are a lifesaver

And the best pal a guy could have.

[Smack]

Ow! Watch it!

Hee hee.

We're back, kablaming you almost live

From colonial williamsburg

Where, thanks to some good, old-fashioned yankee ingenuity,

We've solved our little electrical problem.

Way to go, big guy.

Grr!

They may be low on modern conveniences here in the burg,

But there's certainly no shortage when it comes to fun.

Right, june?

Abso-blam-olutely, henry.

And what says fun better

Than freshly-churned butter?

Hey. How about a taste?

Patience is a virtue, good lady.

Ok. Henry?

I'm with an actual colonial water-carrier.

Tell me, sir. Exactly what is it that you do?

[Chewing]

[Spitting]

I carry water.

Dateline: bill the lab guy's laboratory,

Where a genetics genius unveils a molecular miracle.

[Arf]

[British accent] blimey! I'm seeing double!

Ah-ha. No, mr. Diver. It's a genetic duplicate

Created by my very own cloning device.

Does it collate, too?

Quiet, you naked nincompoop!

Bill, I don't like it.

Not one blasted bit.

You're playing with more fire

Than a fire-eater at a fire sale!

Spoil-sport.

Sorry, old friend.

But science shouldn't meddle with nature.

Now, how about that heart transplant

You promised me?

Look, guys. You can see yourselves.

All: ow!

You action imbeciles will see a lot more of yourselves

Once I get through with my evil plan.

Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Today's episode...

We find the chief celebrating his successful surgery.

Ooh-wee. My arteries are cleaner

Than a spit valve on a saxophone.

Good job, lab guy.

Now, remember. It's important to keep your stress level down.

Aaahhhh!

Holy mother of mothers!

All: hi, chief.

Oh, no. I was afraid of this.

No, you weren't, you pointy-headed geek!

I was! You morons! What did you do?

We didn't touch anything. Honest.

They're eerily accurate in every way.

[Sniffing]

Peeyoo! You can say that again.

You fellows look familiar. Have we met?

Meanwhile, at the breakable fine china depository...

Ha-ha. While those action dupes

Trip all over themselves,

I'll steal all the incredibly breakable fine china

In this rickety wagon.

[Barking]

Back at action headquarters...

Finally. Someone to talk to around here.

You mates are my kind of blokes.

Hey! Quit looking at me cards, you rotter!

What? No one calls stinky guy the cheater.

Blimey!oomph!

Take that!

You can't do that to him.

I mean me.

[Punching and shouting]

It's mine!ever heard of salad?

Trust me, thunder thighs.

You don't need it.

Hey, good-lookings. How about going

Break-dancing tonight with me, myself, and i?

Ooh-ah! Yeah. Get down.

All: break this, chumps.

Ahhhhh!

Ok, fellas. Spot me.

I'm going for the record.

Ooomph.ooomph.

Ouchies!ouchies!

Quit clowning. Huh?

Aaargh!

[Ruff ruff]

What is it, boys?

The mayor has stolen all

The incredibly breakable fine china?

Blast it!

Don't worry, chief. I'm all over it.

Thunder thighs-- I mean, thundergirl, away!

Ow!

You had the--i called it.

Ow! Ow!ow!

Is the league out-numbered by its own idiocy?

Will his dish-honor get away with

His fine china chicanery?

I'd tell you, but they won't show me the script.

Find out in the action-clone conclusion of...

Go wake your grammy. There's more ka-blammy!

Still to come...

Prometheus and bob...

Life with loopy...

And when we return,

More action league now!

Right here on...

Double trouble,

The league in rubble.

As a plate-pilfering politician

Makes his getaway,

A lone lab guy

Must stop the cloning chaos he's created.

This better work, lab guy,

Or it's back to the pharmacy for you.

Moments later...

[All arguing with each other]

Quiet, you nitwits!

Get your rears in gear!pronto!

Or you're in more trouble than

A barracuda at a bar mitzvah!

A ski jumper at a skeet sh**t!

A jackrabbit on the jersey turnpike!

All chiefs: now move out!

A-ok. Yes, sir.no problem, boss.

[Squealing tires]

Follow me, g*ng. I know a shortcut.

All: action league away!

You gotta admit.

It is shorter.

Mayor: who's the lucky boy getting away with

All the incredibly breakable fine china?

Me-e-e-e-!

Then again, maybe I'm not so lucky.

[Crash]

Ow!

So that's what they meant by "incredibly breakable."

Chief, I've learned my lesson.

Man should not meddle with nature.

What are you, nuts?

Thanks to you, the next time I need a new heart,

I've got tickers to choose from.

[All laughing]

The end.

Boy. That sure packed

An action-stoked wallop, didn't it?

The league rules.

Don't they, driver?

I would rather plucketh out mine eyes

Than bear witness to such blasphemy.

Ouch. We're lucky enough to have with us

One of the actors who plays a part

In the whole colonial experience.

Say hello to...

Coachman goodman pennywhistle, at your service.

Right...so, goodman.

How does an actor prepare for the role of a coachman?

I prepareth as I do every morning.

By blessing the abundance of food

The harvest has provided.

We needeth you to knock off thine act, bub.

I am but a simple coachman.

No, you're not. You're a lousy, third-rate actor

Who couldn't land a bit part on babylon .

Your words confuse me.

Oh yeah?

Well, then, maybe the name on your driver's license

Will help clear things up.

Unhand my wallet, you knave.

Stand and deliver, mr.--

[Laughing sheepishly]

Goodman pennywhistle.

Coachman.

Whose idea was it to come here?

Don't look at me.

Look at our next cartoon, instead.

, Years ago,

An alien videotaped his attempts

To educate a caveman.

The prometheus and bob tapes.

Tape number ...

Come on, come on, come on.

That's it.

[Yelling]

Hey. Hey.

Get out of here!

[Monkey squealing]

Ok.

Here we are.

[Grunting questioningly]

Uh-uh-uh.

Go ahead. I'll be over here. All right?

I'll leave you alone. I'll leave you alone.

[Gulp]

Are you all right?

Yeah.

Hey!

Ah!

[Laughing]

Argh!

Hey!

[Laughing]

Owww!

[Crying]

Oh, bob!

Oh, you...

Hmmm?

All right.

[Giving instructions]

All right?

Ha!

[Giggling]

Hey!

[Toilet flushes]

Hey!

[Amused] hey, hey!

Ha ha ha!

Wow. I didn't think we could top

The butter-churning, but we did.

This is the dullest thing I've ever seen.

When you're right, you're right, henry.

Hey, kid.

What do you do for fun around here?

We wash our clothes with rocks.

Hey. Do you do that in a pond or something?

June, we could go swimming.

Swimming leads the soul to trouble.

Grrr. Trouble-shmouble.

Just show us the pond.

Last one in's a dirty, rotten redcoat.

They be naked! Naked, I say!

[Hollering]

Hey, look. A mob of angry town-folk heading this way.

[Hollering]

Do you think maybe they're coming for...

Adult swim?

Phew. Summer again.

Amazing how fast the seasons change.

It doesn't seem that long ago

That loopy and I were out here making snowmen.

Or, in loopy's case...

A snow lady.

So, what's with the ice cream?

Don't touch. I'm making her brains.

Ok, well, go easy on the nuts, dr. Frozenstein.

Don't listen to him, snow lady.

You and me are going to have fun this winter.

You bet your blizzard, we are.

Come on, loopy. I'll race you to the ice rink.

Whoo-hoo!

Well, I've heard of heat stroke,

But loopy must have had cold stroke.

Because she hung out with that

Big pile of snow all winter long.

Loopy, this is fun.

Can we do it again tomorrow?

We can do it every day, snow lady.

We're gonna be friends forever.

But winter was on its way out,

And warmer weather meant sayanora,snow lady...

Or so we thought.

Look out, everybody.

Barbecue season is here.

Pounds of frozen steaks coming through.

Hey, now. What's she doing in here?

But, dad. She'll melt if I take her out.

Now, pumpkin, I know she's your friend,

But it's time to say good-bye.

The snow lady's gotta go.

But--but where?

Radio: got the summertime blues?

Come on down to winterworld indoor theme park.

The place to go for snow, snow, snow!

Bingo!

The next morning, loopy set off.

Wow. So this is summer.

Look at all the pretty colors.

Yeah, well, summer's gonna be a bummer

If we don't get you to winterworld, and fast.

[Whistling]

Hey, hank. Can you give us a ride to winterworld?

Sure, loopy. Hop in the back.

Just gotta make a quick stop along the way.

Ok, guys, hang loose

While I unload a couple of popsicles.

Ooooh. What is this place?

It's called a beach, snow lady.

Not the kind of place you'd wanna--

Snow lady?

Loopy. Over here.

I like the beach.

It's so nice and warm here.

I feel tingly all over.

Snow lady! You're melting!

We gotta get back in the truck!

Oh, no!

Hey, hank! Come back!

Need to borrow your wheels, dude.

It's an emergency.

Loopy?

Snow lady: whoo-hoo!

Come on, come on!

Loopy, what's a hot tamale?

Snow lady, wait! Don't eat that!

Iay carumba!

My stomach's melting.

Snow lady, come on!

Hang on, snow lady. We're almost there.

Uh, loopy?

Am I gonna make it?

Listen, snow lady.

We've made it this far.

I'm not gonna let you down now.

P.a.: Your attention, please.

Winterworld is closing in seconds.

Oh, loopy.

It's wonderful!

There. Better than ever.

Thanks, loopy... For everything.

You don't have to thank me, snow lady.

That's what friends are for.

I...

I'm gonna miss you, snow lady.

Wait. Loopy, listen.

I've got an idea.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Presenting winterworld's latest attraction,

Loopy and the snow lady!

[Cheering and applause]

Gosh, june. It's hard to believe

That our day in colonial williamsburg is almost over.

Sure is, henry.

When I think of all the people we've met

And the fun we've had--

[Hollering]

Look at it this way, june.

At least something exciting finally happened.

[Slurp]

Mmm. Fresh-churned butter.

See you next time, kablamolonials.

Could one of you psychos do the honors?

Henry and june: good-bye!

Join us again next time,