01x02 - Groovy Movies

[bunniefuu]

[class bell rings]

Hey, Nick,
what are you gonna get Mom and Dad

for their anniversary tomorrow?

-It's their anniversary tomorrow?
-Yeah.

-Nobody told me.
-You should know.

I don't have time to get them anything.

I have school all day
then rehearsal all night.

Wait a minute, their anniversary's
not for like four months.

Psych! Gotcha.

-Not cool.
-You are so easy.

And it is just so funny to me
how easy it is.

-What's so funny?
-[Kevin] OK, so I say to Nick,

"Hey, Nick, what'd you get Mom and Dad
for their anniversary tomorrow?"

And then he goes,
"Oh, no, I totally forgot.

What am I gonna get 'em?"
And then I say to him, "Psych!"

And then he goes,
"Not cool."

And then you say to me,
"What's so funny, Kevin?"

OK, stop.
I'm caught up.

I can't believe you fell for that again.

Dude, it's not their anniversary.

[scoffs]
It's Dad's birthday. Duh!

-I'm not kidding.
-I'm not going for that twice.

-Yeah.
-Guys, check this out.

Nick, I think we forgot Dad's birthday.

I forgot last year, too.

Psych!

I am so awesome.

[Stella] Hey, hey. OK.

Do you guys think your mom
will like this for her birthday?

Stella, we just pulled the same scam
like two minutes ago.

[Joe] And I just pulled the same
scam two seconds ago.

Yeah, and I'm not falling
for it a third time.

Besides, that's the ugliest
sweater I've ever seen.

You would never buy that for our mom.
Look at it.

OK, fine.
You win.

I would never get her that.
What I really got her

is this Andre Foulard
silk scarf from Paris.

[accordion music playing]

-Um, Nick--
-That is something she would get our mom.

I know.

-You guys forgot her birthday, didn't you?
-[all] No.

-Absolutely not.
-I got a sweater.

Card.

-I think the school store is still open.
-Good idea.

-[Joe] Mom loves pencils.
-[Kevin] Let's get her a football helmet.

-[theme music playing]
-♪ Yeah! ♪

♪ Hey! ♪

♪ I was sitting at home ♪

♪ Watching TV all alone ♪

♪ So tired of routines ♪

♪ The day goes on and on ♪

♪ So I pick up the phone ♪

♪ Call everyone I know ♪

♪ I say there's gonna be a party ♪

♪ Hit the music, here we go, yeah ♪

♪ You gotta live to party
Bust your move ♪

♪ Everybody's in the groove ♪

♪ Tell the DJ to play our song ♪

♪ Are you ready to rock and roll? ♪

♪ Gotta live to party
Bust your move ♪

♪ Everybody's in the groove ♪

♪ Live to ♪

♪ Party! ♪

[strumming]

I have no idea what to get
Mom for her birthday.

-[beeps]
-[whirring]

Moms shouldn't even have birthdays.
They've been around so long,

they've gotten every single
possible present.

Nice, make sure
to write that in the card.

All right.
Here's something.

"Top five things moms want most
for their birthday."

Excellent.

Number five is a candle
that smells like spaghetti.

She's already got one.
And she's never even lit it.

Are those bite marks?

What?
It smelled delicious.

All right, number four is a
gold monkey-clock that howls on the hour.

-Two birthdays ago.
-[clock screeching]

And it's still running fast.

Number three is a dinner with Joe.

I'm number three?

-What's number two?
-Vacation with the family.

-Hmm.
-What about number one?

-Vacation without the family.
-Makes sense.

-[Mom] Hey, guys!
-Hide the magazine.

What are you hiding?

A woman's magazine?

Um, we're just
doing some research on--

-Women.
-Because we're writing

-a brand new song about--
-Women.

-We're writing it as--
-Women.

Um...

-He means from the female perspective.
-I think.

Uh, so what you got there, guys?

Your dad found
those old home movies

I thought we lost during the move.
I'm so excited to watch these!

[chuckles]

Hey, Mom, um, you know, we already
bought your gift and all,

but we just had a quick question.

Is there anything you wanted
for your birthday?

Oh, honey, I have everything I need

as long as my family's safe,
healthy and together.

Mmm.

Why does she have to make it so hard?

-[Joe] Hey, Dad.
-Yeah?

What'd you get for Mom?

Well, I remember last year?
I really nailed it.

[chuckles]

Thanks, honey.

How am I gonna top that, right?

But then it hit me;
island birthday party.

Right? I'm gonna rent an island,
preferably volcanic--

No more shmancy parties!
I just want a little

get-together like a normal family.

[clicks]

Oh, my.
You guys are so cute! Come watch!

[Mom exclaims]

I just got an idea
for Mom's birthday present.

I think we're thinking
the same thing, bro.

We transfer all the home movies onto DVD.

And we get an otter
that can play the trumpet.

-No, just the DVDs.
-Then we're not thinking the same thing.

We re-edit the whole thing, right,

and then play it for everybody
at the birthday party.

That's awesome.
Plus, DVDs, they'll never get ruined.

-That's true.
-[Mom] Sweetie, you have to see this.

You were the cutest
little boy in the world!

-Oh, thanks, Mom.
-I know I was!

How old am I?

[Dad on video]
Come on, Nicky.

[all] Aww...

[Dad on video]
Come on, Nicky. One little smile.

-Give me a smile.
-Not gonna happen.

-Mm-mm.
-[Dad] Little smile. Go ahead and smile.

I was waiting until I had all my teeth in.

So what's your excuse now?

[Dad]
Where's the smile? Where's the smile?

Where's the smile?
Where is the smile?!

Only kid I know that didn't smile
while eating birthday cake.

[Dad] Give me a smile.
OK, give me a smile.

-Give me a smile!
-[Mom] Smile, Nicholas.

Smile.
[cooing]

What were you doing behind me?

What? I was just making funny faces
to try and get him to laugh.

Like this.
[babbling]

-[all laughing]
-Works now.

-I like the end part.
-That's good.

Oh, look, it's our last
Christmas in the old house.

[Joe] Play it again.

Wow, that's my old drum set.

That's the same drum solo you do on tour.

Play it again.
Play it again.

[Kevin]
Nice dance moves, Joe. [laughing]

Did you have to go
to the bathroom or something?

[Kevin]
Yeah.

[horse neighs]

[Joe]
Hey, it's Kevin's first girlfriend.

[Nick]
Wow, those are big ears.

[Joe] On the horse, too.
Dig the lasso, Kev.

Go, cowboy Kev.

[muttering]

[Mom and Dad cheering]

And that is the same way
you get dates today.

-At least I get them.
-No, you don't.

-Yes, I do.
-Oh, hey, first Christmas

in the firehouse.

Do you remember when
Grandma burnt those cookies

and we had to call the fire department?

-Yeah, and then our phone rang.
-[all chuckle]

-Man, time goes by so fast.
-Yeah, it really does.

[Joe sniffs]

-Are you crying?
-What? No.

A bug flew in my eye.

[Kevin sniffing]

-Are you crying?
-Yes.

Oh, it's OK.
This is really emotional stuff.

[both chuckling]

Oh, honey, I can't tell you
how much I love these movies.

-I'm sorry.
-Oh, boy.

-Here we go.
-Here you go, Mom.

Yeah, it's not sad crying.
It's happy crying.

Yeah, I just love you guys.

Hey, all.
I wanted to run these designs by...

-Oh! Home movies.
-Mmm-hm.

-Happy crying?
-Yeah.

-Yeah.
-Where's me?

-These are from before you were born.
-Frankie out.

-[singing]
-Kevin!

Hi, Daddy!

[gasps]
Is that Joe?

What is your hair doing?

Did you cut your hair
or did somebody chew it off?

[all laugh]

All right, then. Well, I think
we've seen enough tonight.

Actually, I don't think we have.

Oh! Look at that adorable little girl.

[gasps]
Look at those eyes and that hair.

Look at that smile. Is that not
the cutest smile you have ever seen?

-Stella, that's you.
-I know.

What do you want me
to do with these tapes?

Uh, you know, put 'em down
anywhere, I guess.

Nick said he's going to find a place
to transfer them to DVD later.

-What do you got there?
-It's a little extra present for Mom.

-A do-it-yourself birthday cake.
-Very classy.

How about we make the cake for her?

But we don't know how to make a cake.

I may not be an expert,

but I did bake a few dozen
cupcakes when I was five.

Got that second-place ribbon
for my banana bread when I was 11.

Let's not forget my
floating coconut flambé.

Gentlemen...

let's bake a cake.

-[timer pings]
-OK, we are ready to start.

-Yes.
-You get a bowl.

-Yep.
-You pour in the batter.

-Yes, sir!
-I'll pre-heat the oven.

Let's do it!
Go team!

We are rockin' Mom's birthday.

-Batter up!
-Hey, batter, batter, batter!

-More batter.
-More batter!

-What?
-Weird.

It's like a mysterious bottomless bowl.

That's not a bowl!
That's a colander.

-What's a colander?
-Something only you guys

would call a mysterious
bottomless bowl.

A colander has holes in the bottom.

-Uh-oh.
-[Joe] Oh... whoa.

We need... we need towels! Hurry!

What is that smell?

-Someone left the cooktop on!
-Fire extinguisher!

[screams]

Oh, tell me that's not what I think it is.

-All our home movies.
-Oh, no.

-We k*lled them.
-["Taps" playing]

-What is going on here?
-Oh, I don't know. I just got here.

Are those our home movies?

-We're so sorry.
-Mom.

You're sorry?!

-Mom, I--
-How can you be so irresponsible?

-But, Mom, we can explain.
-How can you explain

ruining all of our memories?

-But--
-Those are our home movies.

And now they're gone forever.
[crying]

We're very disappointed in you boys.

This... this is great broccoli, honey.

[boys]
Awesome. Really. Love it.

-It's some of your best work.
-[watch beeping]

Oh, well, it's been another
five minutes, boys.

Time to apologize to your mother again.

-Go ahead, Nick.
-Mom...

we feel horrible about
ruining the home movies.

I know you do.

-We are so sorry.
-I know you are.

Apparently, a colander is some
kind of bowl with holes in it.

I know it is.

And I love you boys more
than anything in the world.

Why does she have to make it so hard?

We batter, burn and foam all her memories
and she forgives us?!

Yeah, and she'll never mention it again.
She'll be all sweet and loving.

-It's going to be t*rture.
-We should just move out.

Let 'em raise Frankie in peace.

Wait a minute.
I've got an idea.

We can't save the videotapes,
but we can save the memories.

Kevin, it sounds like
you've got a scheme in mind

and we're supposed to ask you what it is.

Oh, right, me. OK.

Um, we get a camera,
we build some sets,

we have Stella help us out
with some costumes,

we reenact our home movies

-and then we videotape 'em.
-Genius.

And I thought it was going to be
something completely ridiculous.

I'm proud of you.

Stop hugging me now.

No, all right.

[Kevin]
Cut, cut, cut!

Just, something doesn't feel right.

You're playing too good.
And you need to dance

-like you need to go to the bathroom.
-But I don't have to go to the bathroom.

[clock ticking]

OK, I really gotta go now.
Do this.

Perfect. Action!

Cut!

[Joe]
All right. Action, Kevin.

Nice.

Did you have those boots
on in the original movie?

I do now!

[Joe]
Kevin with lasso, take one.

[loud crash]

-That's not it.
-[Joe] Kevin with lasso, take two.

-[shattering]
-[Joe] Take six.

-[grunts]
-[Joe] Take ten.

-Here we go.
-[loud crash]

-[cat screeches]
-[Joe] Kevin with lasso, take 13.

Are you gonna count every single take?

[Joe] Are you going to miss
every single take?

That's right.
Here we go.

[Joe]
Cut. Print.

All right.
[clears throat]

All right, good.

All right, action.

Trick or...

-Trick or...
-It's trick... trick or treat.

Everybody says trick or treat.

I want to take my character
in a new direction.

You're a Halloween cowboy.
There are no other directions to take it.

What about a zombie cowboy?

A zombie cowboy would say,
"trick or brains!"

I can't work under these conditions!

-Dude, I was just kidding, man.
-You want to go see a play?

[Joe] Let's do this, people!

Lights.

-Snow.
-Whoo...

Stella.

Perfect. OK, grab the eggnog.

OK, I'm not doing this.

What?

We all know what's gonna happen.
I drink the eggnog,

my headgear makes it spill
down the front of me

and I get a rash on Christmas.

Will you talk to her?

Stella, this is one of our mom's
most cherished memories.

Roll 'em.

All right, here we go.
Here we go, here we go.

[all] Merry Christmas!

-[Kevin] Yeah! Whoo!
-[Nick] Whoa!

-Whoa! Cut, cut! What are you doing?
-My mouth is bigger now. I'm sorry.

Why do you hate our mother?

-Roll 'em.
-[Joe] OK, let's do this.

-Here we go, here we go.
-[all] Merry Christmas!

-Awesome!
-Happy?

-I think I could see that again?
-You know, I just don't

think it was good enough.
I think we need a second take.

Back to one.

-[Joe] Sorry, just wasn't good enough.
-Ew...

OK, here's the scene:
Nick's second birthday,

the candles...
Wow, that's a very large high chair.

OK. Um, the camera's over here...

Where's the camera?

-Joe?
-I didn't touch it.

That has everything we shot on it.

Find it!

[light jazz playing]

[shutter clicking]

[grunts]

-Not it.
-We've ruined the original home movies

and then we lose the new ones.
We're incredible.

Frankie, where is it?

-Where's what?
-The video camera.

Silver and black about this big?

-That's the one.
-OK, I got about $16.

Joe, Nick, what do you got?

-I don't want money.
-What do you want?

I want to be in the movies.

But you weren't born yet.

Well, I'm born now.

What's going on?

Mom...

We know how upset you are
about the home videos.

-I'm not upset.
-Boys, your mom is not upset.

-[no dialogue]
-Mom, you are k*lling us with kindness.

-All right, I'm upset.
-[boys] Thank you.

But what good does it do
to take it out on my boys?

You didn't mean to...
cut out a mother's heart.

Well, we realized we can
never replace the home videos

-that Joe destroyed.
-Me?! You poured the batter!

-You got the bowl with the holes in it.
-It's a "colynder"!

-It's a calendar.
-It's a colander!

Guys, what's this all about?
We've got guests coming any minute.

[Nick]
Mom, we redid the home movies.

[piano music playing]

[banging]

[laughing]
I don't believe it.

Trick or...

Trick or...

[laughs]

Oh, I was so...
[grunts]

I can't believe you did this!

-[Stella] Dinner!
-[boys] Turkey!

[shouting]

[Stella]
Sit down. Please sit down.

-[boys humming]
-[indistinct] Boys!

Is that me?
Is that me? Hold on.

[all]
Happy thanksgiving!

-Uh-oh.
-Sad crying?

Happy crying?

Proud crying?

You guys are amazing.

-I love you so much.
-Thank you.

This is absolutely the best
birthday present I have ever had.

And you know what?
I think I may even

like the new home movies
better than the old ones.

[all chuckle]

I can't wait to see what
you guys ruin next year.

Please don't ruin anything next year.

-What's this?
-Frankie wanted to direct.

Do I have great boys or what?

Yeah, you've got
the best boys in the world.

OK, everyone,
it's actually not over quite yet.

We have a special feature to show you.

What?
What special feature?

-Oh, you'll see.
-[chuckles]

Very special.

-[clicks]
-[whimsical music playing]

-[all] Awww!
-No, no, no, no!

[laughing]

[Stella] Oh... that was my mom's dress.
I love that dress.

It's too bad it doesn't fit me.

-Too small?
-[sighs]

-Too big.
-Ah.

[Stella] Wait a minute.
I told my mom to erase this tape.

Maybe somebody made a copy.

Oh, no, you didn't.

Yeah, you better run.

-Oh boy.
-Oh!

-I'm wearing heels!
-[thuds]

[Joe screams]