01x03 - Pizza Girl (US)

[bunniefuu]

[doorbell rings]

That's for me! I ordered pizza.

That's for me! I ordered pizza.

That's for me! I ordered pizza.

So, where'd you guys order from?

[all] Picarillo's.

That place?
Their pizza's terrible.

[Joe]
Terrible? How could you say that?

It's the most beautiful
pizza in the world.

Now I know why we ordered
from Picarillo's.

Well, you gotta admit, honey,
it's a pretty cute pizza. [chuckles]

[clears throat]
I'll set the table.

-[theme music playing]
-♪ Yeah! ♪

♪ Hey! ♪

♪ I was sitting at home ♪

♪ Watching TV all alone ♪

♪ So tired of routines ♪

♪ The day goes on and on ♪

♪ So I pick up the phone ♪

♪ Call everyone I know ♪

♪ I say there's gonna be a party ♪

♪ Hit the music, here we go, yeah ♪

♪ You gotta live to party
Bust your move ♪

♪ Everybody's in the groove ♪

♪ Tell the DJ to play our song ♪

♪ Are you ready to rock and roll? ♪

♪ Gotta live to party
Bust your move ♪

♪ Everybody's in the groove ♪

♪ Live to ♪

♪ Party! ♪

[cheese stretching]

[sighs]

Well, it is round,
and there's something melted on it.

Yet I can't bring myself
to call it pizza.

I keep chewing and chewing,
but I think it's getting bigger.

That's the jawbreaker.
I ordered that.

-This is unbelievable.
-Dad, where is it written that pizza

always has to taste good?

Picarillo's is
environmentally friendly.

Their slogan: "We use all the stuff
the other people throw out."

All right, is your sudden love
of Picarillo's have anything to do

-with a cute delivery girl?
-Who?

Hey, have some pizza, Frankster.

[sniffs]

-Why do you hate me?
-[doorbell rings]

I'll get it.
Anything to get away from this pizza.

[screams]
What... what are you doing back here?

Delivering pizzas.
It's kind of my job.

-I just texted Picarillo's.
-Me too.

-And send.
-She's already here, dude.

-Oh. Hi.
-What's new, Maria?

You mean since you saw me

Let's see. I raced back to the shop,
grabbed the pizzas...

-[romantic music playing]
-[Maria's voice fades]

Wow. [chuckles]
And all I've done is eat.

I really like your
pizza delivery hat, Maria.

I like your pizza delivery hat
and your Picarillo's t-shirt, Maria.

Well, I like your inner beauty
and your zit-free complexion.

[giggles]
You guys are so funny.

I... I wish I could hang,
but I should get to my next delivery.

-Right.
-Pizza.

There's nothing worse than a cold pizza.

-Bye.
-I think temperature

is the least of its problems!

[rock music playing]

[burps]

[sighs]

OK, if I have to keep
making your pants bigger,

the world is going to have
a denim shortage.

[grunts]
Our pants fit fine.

-As long as we don't move.
-[fabric rips]

OK, if you guys don't
cut back on the pizza,

You're gonna be
going on stage in sweatpants.

Mmm! Good look.

Ooh! Power slides in sweatpants.
Awesome!

You could design us some really cool ones.

-With special pockets to hold our pizza.
-[Kevin] Yes.

Hey, have you guys tried sweatpants?

There's a lot more wiggle room.

Gentlemen, a word.

Apparently, in the last month,
we have spent over $500

on Picarillo's quote-unquote pizza.

-What?
-We have not spent that much.

Yeah, right.

Hey, trying to sleep in here!

OK, now look, I get that you guys
have a crush on the delivery girl.

Crush on the delivery girl?

[all forcing laughter]

This is no fake-laughing matter,
all right?

Pizza party's over.
No one orders any more pizza.

Imagine Dad thinking
I have a crush on the pizza girl.

Just because Maria has hair
as shiny as eggplant.

[sighs]

She smells delicious,
just like toasted oregano.

And she smells delicious,
like toasted oregano. [sniffs]

-You just said that, didn't you?
-I miss her.

-Enough to sing about it?
-Oh, yeah.

-[rock music playing]
-[whistling]

♪ Love ♪

♪ Showed up ♪

♪ At my door ♪

♪ Yesterday ♪

♪ It ♪

♪ Might sound cheesy ♪

♪ But I've wanted ♪

♪ Her to stay ♪

♪ I fell in love ♪

♪ With the pizza ♪

♪ Girl ♪

♪ Now I eat pizza ♪

♪ Every day ♪

♪ Oh! ♪

♪ I fell in love ♪

♪ With the pizza ♪

♪ Girl ♪

♪ Now I eat pizza ♪

♪ Every day ♪

♪ I ♪

♪ Was stuck ♪

♪ In a box ♪

♪ For so long ♪

♪ Now I say ♪

♪ That the pizza girl ♪

♪ She's the one for me ♪

♪ Yeah! ♪

♪ I fell in love ♪

♪ With the pizza ♪

♪ Girl ♪

♪ Now I eat pizza ♪

♪ Every day ♪

♪ Oh! ♪

♪ I fell in love ♪

♪ With the pizza ♪

♪ Girl ♪

♪ Now I eat pizza ♪

♪ Now I eat pizza ♪

♪ Now I eat pizza ♪

♪ Every day ♪

♪ Oh! ♪

That was fun.

Even as a giant, she's beautiful.

If I can't order from Picarillo's,
how am I gonna see the pizza girl again?

Duh! I'll just call Maria and ask her out.

Not if I call first.

I got you both beat.

-[cell phone rings]
-Hello.

Hey, Joe,
Can I have the number to Picarillo's?

-[grunts]
-Everybody hang up!

Nobody is asking Maria out.

May I remind you about
the Jonas Book of Law, Kevin?

-[blows]
-[coughing]

Sorry, guys,
a little too much fake dust.

Amendment three, subparagraph "A,"
line six.

"It was a dark and stormy night.

Fireball the Pony,
was lost inside Box Canyon..."

-This is the wrong book.
-What happens to the pony?

"If more than one member
of the band Jonas

is crushing on the same girl,

absolutely no member
may ask out said crushee,

or said member risks destroying the bond

that makes them
awesome bandmates and brothers."

Yeah, we don't want to
destroy our awesomeness.

But what if the crushee
is the beautiful and adorable Maria?

-Then we have a problem.
-How do you solve a problem like Maria?

There's no problem.
the Book of Jonas is clear.

None of us are going out with Maria.
Agreed?

No more bad pizza.

No more tight pants.

[all] No Maria!

[all groan]

[rock music plays]

[Joe]
Well, well, well.

Good evening, Mr. Nick.

If I didn't know any better,
I'd say somebody's dressed for a date.

Perhaps with a girl I like to call Maria.

Can't a guy get dressed up
for his evening snack?

Oh, please.
I can smell your body spray from here.

[sniffs]
What is that, "Le Babe Magnet"?

For your information, it's called "Growl."

[scoffs] And I think you're the one
trying to ask Maria out on a date.

Pizza coupons.
Care to explain these?

Certainly.

You present those when you pay
for your pizza and you get a discount.

-It's actually really cool...
-I know what they are.

-Hey, guys.
-What's behind your back?

Flowers.

-I'm trying to attract bees.
-But you're allergic to bees.

Yes, true, but if you don't wanna
give me more time to come up with

a better excuse,
then I'm gonna go with that one.

Looks to me like we're all trying
to sneak-date Maria.

What happened to amendment three,
subparagraph "A," line six?

We've never not obeyed
the Jonas law before.

We're lawless.

We're outlaws.

Maybe we should all ask her out.

And may the best man impress her...
the best.

Absolutely.

You're right.

-Well, I'm gonna run to the door now.
-Yeah, me too.

I think that's a good idea.

[school bell ringing]

Stella!

Hi.

You're a girl.

-Uh... last time I checked.
-How do I impress one?

-Just existing pretty much does it.
-Wait, wait, wait.

Why do you need advice
on how to impress a girl?

I'm going up against two real playas,
and I need every advantage I can get.

OK, well...

I always find it impressive
if a guy cooks for me.

Cooking... excellent.
What do they usually cook for you?

Well, it's never actually happened,
but I think if it did, I'd be impressed.

-OK. Does cereal count?
-The thought counts.

-I'd eat the cereal.
-[banging]

-[Kevin shrieks]
-Oh! Sorry.

Mm-hmm.

I...

[whispers]
Sorry.

[groans] Yeah, that was awesome,
thank you very much.

Stella.

I need some advice.

I'm trying to get close to a girl.

-A specific girl.
-Oh.

The problem is,
there are these two other...

mac daddies who are also trying
to get close to this girl.

Wait a minute.
My Stella senses are tingling.

[dramatic music plays]

Would these two mac daddies
happen to be Kevin and Joe?

Mac dang it, you're good.

Emergency Jonas meeting
in three, two, one.

What is this I hear about
some girl you're gonna ask out?

[bow tightening]

-Who told you that?
-Uh... Mac and Daddy.

-So, who is she?
-You don't know her.

-Is she pretty?
-No, she's hideous.

Why else would I ask her out?

[grunts]
Come on, just tell me who she is!

Ow! Why, are you jealous?

No, of course not.

-Is it that new girl in Home Ec?
-Is it Macy on the archery squad?

Wait a minute.
It's that pizza girl, isn't it?

Are Mac and Daddy still in trouble
or can we please go now?

No, no, no, have a seat.

Let me fill you guys in
on a little female 4-1-1.

One guy likes a girl, cool.
Two guys like a girl, even better.

Three guys like a girl, jackpot.

But when all three of those guys
happen to be brothers,

well, she just bought herself
a ticket on the crazy train.

What are we supposed to do?
We all three like her.

Well, all three of you better un-like her.

We talked about it.
We can handle it.

Wait, you guys think you can handle
going after the same girl?

Remember when the three of you fought over
the same teddy bear

you had when you were kids?

-Mr. Bumble's mine!
-I got it first.

-I'm the oldest.
-Mr. Bumble likes me better!

Ow!

-Ooh.
-Hmm.

Yeah, that was one of the few times
we really got mad at each other.

Yeah, and it tore you apart for a month.

And this isn't a teddy bear.
This is a pizza girl. A real girl.

With real arms.

Guys, she's right.
We can't go there again.

Good. I'm glad you've come to your senses.

Come on, Macy.

I like pizza too, a lot.

OK, we cannot all go out with Maria
at the same time.

-We'll end up fighting.
-I wish she could just come over,

then hang out, and then she could decide
who she likes best.

You're such a dreamer, Kevin.

How about if we ask her to come over,
hang out and decide whom she likes best?

-Nick, you're a genius.
-I know.

Hey!

[rock music playing]

[sniffs]
Are you wearing my cologne?

-Maria should be here any minute, OK?
-[sighs]

-Best behavior, right, gentlemen?
-OK.

But what if one of us starts to flirt?

We should have a code phrase.

Something like, "The phone's ringing."

Oh, I'll get it.

No, that's the code phrase.

If one of us says,
"The phone's ringing,"

that means you're hitting
too hard on Maria.

[doorbell rings]

I'll bet that's Maria.
I'll get it.

No, I'll get it.

Let's get it together.

-Hi.
-Hi, Maria, so glad

you could come hang with us.

You know, it felt weird coming over here
without pizza, so I brought some pizza.

-Awesome.
-You're so funny.

Maria, if I could rearrange the alphabet,

I'd put "U" and "I" together.

The phone is ringing.

-I don't hear a phone.
-Me either.

I'll be right back.

Maria, do you like motorcycles?

Because you would look great
in my sidecar.

That sounds really cool.

-Phone is ringing!
-There's no phone ringing.

I think you've done
too many rock concerts.

Poor guy.

I hope you're hungry, Maria.

I cooked for you.
Hope you like Crunchy Cats.

[beeping]

[Kevin's voice]
Kevin likes Maria.

Kevin likes Maria.
Kevin likes Maria.

It's just my new ringtone.

Did you just call him?

Um... yes.

I wanted to tell him
that I wrote you a song.

-Oh.
-What? The phone is ringing.

The phone is ringing. The phone
is absolutely, way, way ringing!

♪ I fell in love ♪

♪ With the pizza ♪

♪ Girl ♪

♪ Now I eat pizza... ♪

Can we see you in the kitchen, please?

Not cool, man. That "Maria" song
belonged to all three of us.

We sang it when we were happy.
We sang it when...

All right, that was
the only time we sang it.

Yeah.

Well, I wouldn't have had to sing to her
if you hadn't brought out the motorcycle

and how you wanted
to take her in your sidecar.

Well, I wouldn't have had to
bring up the motorcycle

if Captain Suave over here
hadn't bust out the Crunchy Cats.

You started it. "'U' and 'I' together."

Like you could really
rearrange the alphabet.

[Maria]
Guys, look, all of this attention

is kind of flattering, but mostly weird,
so I think I should just go home.

-Oh, Maria!
-No!

Oh, guys, she's right.
It's like Mr. Bumble all over again.

She's like a stretched-out teddy bear.

Wait, Maria.
We're sorry about tonight,

it's just that we've never broken
the sacred Book of Jonas Law.

-The sacred book whatty-who?
-It's 600 years old.

OK, fake phones ringing,
Mr. Bumble, Jonas Law?

I feel like I bought myself
a ticket on the crazy train.

If it helps, we can explain.

It's just that all three of us
really like you.

We could share you.

I'm out of here.

[sighs]

I don't think explaining ourselves
was the way to go.

So, who's up for some Chinese food?

Hey, hey, hey!

How would you like it if I dropped
one of your songs on the floor like that?

Sorry.

I can't believe we were
about to turn our backs

on the sacred
Book of Jonas Law all for a girl.

Even if it was Maria with her...
her hair like silky strands of mozzarella.

She was a big part of our lives.

OK, wait, pop quiz:

-What color are Maria's eyes?
-Blue?

-Brown.
-I'm pretty sure she had two.

Name one thing she did
besides deliver pizzas.

She rang the doorbell.

-She smelled good.
-She delivered garlic bread.

Hello.
Don't you guys get it?

How can we get it if you
keep asking us questions?

You guys are fighting over a girl
you hardly even know.

I mean, this isn't about Maria at all.

I guess we did get
a little overly competitive.

Yeah, and you guys
aren't about being competitive.

You're about teamwork.

That's what makes you a great band.

OK, now we get it.

-No, I got it a while ago.
-Me, too.

I was waiting for you guys to catch up.

We promise we won't be so competitive.

I promise not to be
as competitive as these guys.

Dude, there's no way you're gonna be
less competitive than me.

-Oh, really?
-First one down the poles

-is the least competitive.
-No, no, no, no.

-[Nick] I got down first.
-[Kevin] Yeah, but I only used one arm.

[Joe] I looked the most awesome
coming down the pole.

We solemnly swear never ever
to let a girl come between us again.

No matter how cute, funny,
or how little we know about her.

-[Joe and Kevin] Word.
-I'm proud of you guys.

You know what?
I'm more proud of us.

My middle name is Proud.

My middle name is
I'm More Proud Than Joe and Nick.

It's a really long name.
That's why I don't use it that often.

[doorbell rings]

You know, when you think about it,
I mean, It's pretty silly

how hard you guys fell over someone
you didn't even know. [chuckles]

Who ordered from the Juice King?

I did.

[romantic music plays]

Wow.

[scoffs]