01x08 - That Ding You Do

[bunniefuu]

Hey, guys, check it out,

there's a new
"How well do you know Jonas?" quiz

in the new Teenster magazine.

Let's see how well I know Joe.

Yes, no, yes, no, armadillo.

Ah! Five out of five.

I'm a "Real Joe-nut!"

Hey, your favorite snack
is not cherry pudding.

Yeah, it's chocolate tacos.

Mmm.

And your favorite color
is not "medium spring green."

It's electric indigo.

We need to straighten
Teenster magazine out.

We should do that.

You know what,
we need to write them a letter.

Uh, anybody have a pen?

-No.
-Hold on.

-[girls shrieking]
-Excuse me, girls!

Does anybody have a pen?
Incoming!

-[pens whooshing]
-Clear.

-Wow.
-Our fans are the best.

And freakishly accurate.

"Dear Teenster magazine..."

-[theme music playing]
-♪ Yeah! ♪

♪ Hey! ♪

♪ I was sitting at home ♪

♪ Watching TV all alone ♪

♪ So tired of routines ♪

♪ The day goes on and on ♪

♪ So I pick up the phone ♪

♪ Call everyone I know ♪

♪ I say there's gonna be a party ♪

♪ Hit the music, here we go, yeah ♪

♪ You gotta live to party
Bust your move ♪

♪ Everybody's in the groove ♪

♪ Tell the DJ to play our song ♪

♪ Are you ready to rock and roll? ♪

♪ Gotta live to party
Bust your move ♪

♪ Everybody's in the groove ♪

♪ Live to ♪

♪ Party! ♪

[bell rings]

-[buttons clicking]
-As president of the Jonas Fan Club,

I'm trying to decide
which new Jonas picture

to post on the Jonas Fan Club website.
Help me pick?

-[phone chimes]
-Yes!

OK, pouty and intense Jonas...

Or goofy and adorable Jonas?

-[phone chimes]
-[laughs] Ms. Sherman just barfed

all over her desk
and went home sick.

[sing-songy]
No algebra test today!

You weren't even listening to me.

Um, I don't have to listen to you
because you say the same thing every day:

"Jonas, Jonas, Jonas."

You can't go two seconds
without talking about them.

-[phone chimes]
-Well, we all have our obsessions...

Except for Jonas.
They are so mentally fit.

I don't have any obsessions.

What are you talking about?
Look at you.

You're addicted to texting.

Your thumbs are turning into
tiny sumo wrestlers.

-Really?
-Mm-hmm.

I'm not addicted to texting.

In fact, I bet I could go
longer without texting

than you could go
without talking about Jonas.

-Bet?
-And the winner?

-Wins.
-You're on.

-[bell dings]
-Starting in five seconds.

Jonas, Jonas, Jonas,
Jonas, Jonas, Jonas!

[classical music playing]

-[groans]
-Look at her.

Have you ever seen anyone so beautiful?

Look at how she plays.
Such passion!

Punch me in the arm
so I know I'm not dreaming.

[groans]

Not dreaming, because that really hurt.

Unless you're dreaming that it hurt,
so that was a dream-hurt.

[thuds]

Did that dream-hurt or regular-hurt?

[mumbles]

-Hi.
-Hi.

-Can I carry that for you?
-Sure.

[grunting]

Have you considered a forklift?

-So what's your name?
-Angelina.

Angelina, like "angel"
with an "ina" on the end.

Yeah, my mom calls me Annie-bug.

My little sister calls me Annie-bu-banny.

But most people call me Angie.

What's your name?

Really?

Well, you know mine.

Joseph.
Joe for short.

My brothers call me Danger.

My mom calls me Joe Bear,
but let's keep that between us

because I don't want that
leaking to the media.

The media?
Oh! I know who you are.

You're one of those brothers
in that band that goes here.

Yup, Jonas.

Me, Kevin and Nick...
the guys staring right at us.

So, do you want to grab
something to eat sometime?

[sighs]

-No, thanks.
-Why? Don't you eat?

Look, you're famous.
You have a posse.

You probably play to thousands
of screaming fans.

Tens of thousands. [chuckles]
Isn't that cool?

Not really. I just don't go out
with rock star types.

But I'm a nice rock star type.

[bell rings]

-I have orchestra.
-OK.

Bye.

So you're going out with cello girl.

No, she says because I'm a rock star,
I must be some kind of jerk.

What? In my experience, girls like guys
because they're rock stars.

Sometimes I wonder if that's
the only reason girls like me.

Well, that and my boyish charm.

Guys, this is serious.
I think I like her.

Like, really like her, like her?

-Like, really like her, like her.
-Really?

-Like, yeah.
-Whoa.

All right, then we'll help you
show her the sweet,

down to earth,
panda-loving guy you really are.

-I do loves pandas.
-I love koalas.

Oh, they're so emo.
They get all that eucalyptus,

so their breath is so minty fresh.

-Unlike yours.
-What?

Trust me.

I don't smell anything.

I saw this excellent new Jo...

I'm sorry, Jonas what?

-No... jo-ging suit.
-[elevator dings]

You know, for when I go jo-ging.

I love those t-shirts I saw Ni...

-Ni-who?
-Ni-obody.

Mm-hmm.

It's just a matter of time
before you say something about the Jonays.

It's pronounced Jona...
Nice try.

How is this so easy for you?
I bet you're closet-texting.

[gasps]
No! I just happen to have willpower.

And just to ease your suspicious mind,
why don't you hold onto this?

-You're gonna break.
-Nuh-uh.

Without my little
phone screen to stare at,

I am seeing so much more of the world...

-Hmm.
-And it is beautiful.

Macy, you have brown eyes...

and a little something in your teeth.

-Right there.
-Oh...

OK, when we see Angelina,
we give Joe the signal.

What if the signal is
we stand completely still?

What kind of signal is that?

The best kind, because it's so subtle,
no one will even know that it's happening.

Is that the signal?
Is she coming?

No, I am just demonstrating.

How am I supposed to know
the difference between the signal

-and when you're just standing still?
-True. Hmm.

OK, when I do this...

is when I'll give the signal
which is this...

[rock music playing]

How did this magazine get in my locker?

I have no idea.

Ah.

But take a look. On the cover it says,

"Joe of Jonas a, regular guy."

And there's a picture of me bowling
in rental shoes, size nine regular.

-[chuckles]
-Regular people don't have their faces

on the cover of magazines.

Stella! This is my friend Stella.

We've been best friends
since I was three.

Stella, can you please tell her
what a regular guy I am?

Macy, why don't you tell her?

I... I... I don't know
who you are, mister.

I don't know that
you're a giant rock star

and that you wear
size nine regular bowling shoes!

Leave me alone!

Classic Macy.
I can't wait to tell...

No phone.

[whispers]
No life.

This isn't going well for me, is it?

Look, Joe, last year I went out with a guy
who was also a star.

He was a champion mathlete,

and all I would do was replace
the batteries in his calculators

and sharpen his pencils.

I would never be like that.

I hate calculators,
and I don't have a pencil.

-[girls shrieking]
-[gasps]

[pencils thudding]

I just think that
it wouldn't work out between us.

But I like-like you.

[Joe]
Look, Amy from Boise writes,

"Joe, even though we've never met,

I know you're a very kind
and generous person."

And look, she would know
because she signs it,

"XOXO-XOXO
Heart, heart, smiley face."

Joe, I know you like Angelina,
but she's just one girl, OK?

Unless she has an identical twin

in which case I am mistaken
and I apologize.

And, dude, it is time to move on!

I don't want to move on.
I've never met a girl like her.

She's passionate,
and talented and beautiful.

So who's passionate,
talented and beautiful

besides your mother?
[chuckles]

[whispers] She can hear
everything through those holes.

This girl at school.

She thinks because I'm a rock star,
I must be some kind of jerk.

Your mom and I have worked very hard

so you wouldn't turn into
some kind of rock star jerk.

All right?
And if I do say so myself,

I think we've done pretty well
with all you boys.

It's just that she won't even
come within a mile of me.

No, she won't come within a mile
of the person she thinks you are,

not who you are, because who you are,

not the person she thinks you are,
is who you really are.

-What?
-You're not a jerk, all right?

Just be yourself
and she'll realize she's wrong, OK?

Even if you do just the littlest thing,
a woman will appreciate it...

[loudly] Because women are perceptive,
sensitive and intelligent.

-Dad, Mom's at the park with Frankie.
-Oh, yeah, that's right.

[loudly]
Never mind!

[rock music playing]

[discordant notes playing]

Fortissimo.

Excuse me.
Hi, I'd like to join the orchestra.

[blows clarinet]

-[thuds]
-[note plays weakly]

I'm sorry, I don't allow
late adds to the orchestra.

You'll get no VIP treatment here,
young man.

-Unless...
-Unless?

Well, there is one particular
percussion instrument

for which I've yet to find a sucker...

-[chuckles] Candidate.
-Lay it on me.

They don't call me Danger for nothing.

[♪ "The Blue Danube" playing]

[whispering]
What are you doing here?

I just came over to say hi.
Hi.

Did you join the orchestra
just so you could flirt with me?

Of course not.

It's one thing for you
to ask me out in the hallway

and not take no for an answer,
but I'm serious about my music

and you're interrupting
the whole orchestra!

-[music stops]
-I don't want to go out with you!

[girl coughs]

Man, I wish that song
was three seconds longer.

[♪ "The Blue Danube" playing]

-What's the emergency?
-This is not working.

I joined orchestra and Angelina
hates me even more for it.

I guess then we're gonna have to
talk you up in front of her,

Tell her how awesome of a guy you are!

[music stops]

-I didn't do that right, did I?
-No.

Excuse me, the only annoying noise
I allow in here is by the orchestra.

Cool.
In that case, sign us up.

[whispers]
Trust me.

Really? Three professional musicians want
to join my orchestra all on the same day.

Is this a joke or...
Oh, I get it. I get it.

Ooh, I'm being Punk'd, right?
All right, I'll play along.

Um... what do you guys want to play?

Anything by Mozart would be nice.

[Kevin] Oh, and if we could stay away
from "Peter and the Wolf."

Wolves scare me and I'm not so sure
about that Peter either.

I meant which instruments?

-Oh, that. Um...
-Oh, yeah. OK.

[chuckles nervously]

Here, try this one. Remember,
it's the side with the strings on it.

[chuckles]
Yeah.

[playing fast]

Yeah, hey, um... you're in.

-Whew!
-Everybody, make room for Kevin.

Come on, everybody.
Slide down. Move.

[thuds]

Well, cello there.

See what I did?
I put a "hello" and "cello" together.

Joe's a really great guy.

How about you?
What can you play?

-What have you got?
-Piano.

[jazz music playing]

This one goes out to Angelina
in the string section.

♪ My bro, he's the kindest
Guy that I know ♪

♪ He likes to take things slow ♪

♪ He's just a regular Joe ♪

Welcome to the orchestra.

[Nick] Huh.

Thank you.
I'll be here all period.

All right, all right.
Settle down, people. Settle down.

Now, as you know
the school recital is coming up

and our version of "The Blue Danube"
sounds like cats in wet cement.

Yes, I'm looking at you, violins.

So, if we could please
just get through it once

with no one hurting themselves. And...

[♪ "The Blue Danube" playing]

[sighs] Four years of dentistry school
down the tubes.

[rock music playing]

Thirty's your limit, bro.
I'm cutting you off.

Don't count, man!
That's not cool.

Hey, guys.
What's up?

-Did you bring the stuff?
-What stuff? Send.

Joe is in crisis mode.
I texted you over an hour ago.

I needed you to bring
the rainbow-sprinkle doughnuts

-and the coffee ice cream.
-Texting, texting...

That's all that anybody
ever talks or texts about!

Don't you realize there are
other ways of communicating with me?

Try writing me a note for a change!

Huh? Huh?

[panting]

"Stop yelling at us."

[laughing]

I'm fine.
Everything's fine.

Sorry about the yelling.

Ice cream and doughnuts, coming right up.

Stella, you do realize you do not
have a cell phone in your hands, right?

I may not have a cell phone,
but at least I have my sanity.

Send.
[laughs]

I only joined the orchestra
so I could impress Angelina,

-but we've just made things worse.
-We?

Joe, music is the one thing
you and Angelina both love.

Show her how passionate you are
and she'll come around.

How can I show her my passion
for music with this?

All right, let's not be so quick
to judge the triangle.

In many ways,
you and the triangle are a lot alike.

Three-sided?
Made of metal?

Really annoying?

No, disrespected.

-Put down!
-Misunderstood.

-Right.
-Yeah, totally!

And he's made of metal?

Tonight's the big recital
and I'm only in a semi-sweat.

With any luck, we'll be able to fill
a whole row in the auditorium.

Mr. Phelps,
we've made a couple of adjustments

-on "The Blue Danube."
-Whoa! A few adjustments

to "The Blue Danube"
on the night of the concert?

We were wondering if the orchestra
could give it a try.

Oh, what the heck. They can't fire me,
the principal's my mommy.

Go ahead. Hand them out.

Let's try it.
It can't be worse than what we've got.

Instruments up, here.
Here we go. And...

[♪ "The Blue Danube" playing]

One, two...
One, two, three, four!

[rock version playing]

[cheering and applauding]

I rock the triangle so hard.

-You're welcome.
-Cello girl, 4:00.

-Hi, Joe.
-Hi.

Your solo was amazing.

Sorry I was kind of a snob there.

Do snobs eat chocolate tacos?

-We're gonna go grab some.
-Chocolate tacos?

-They're my favorite!
-Mine, too.

They're not your favorite.
They're my favorite.

[groans]

Remember what Teenster magazine said?

[groans]

Never mind.
It hurts too much to care.

[Nick]
What's up, Macy?

It's... it's...

the boys who shall not be named.

[stuttering]

-What?
-What? What?

[running footsteps]

I can't take it anymore!

Yes! Yes! Good.

Texting good. OMG!

Oh, I'm here, baby.
Mama's here.

-I'm never gonna leave you again.
-You're texting!

-You're texting!
-Yeah, I cracked, OK?

You win.
Just leave us alone.

I can talk.

Jonas, Jonas, Jonas!

[laughs and gasps]

Joe of Jonas!

Can you sign my program
from last night's performance?

Sure, why not?

-Does anybody have a pen?
-[girls shrieking]

-Oops.
-[brothers] run!

-[screaming]
-[pens whooshing]