01x12 - Frantic Romantic (US)

[bunniefuu]

-[dance music playing]
-[people chattering]

[motorbike approaches]

[crowd cheering]

Wait, let's not be those guys
who wear their sunglasses at night.

Maybe we should be those guys
for about ten seconds.

Yeah.

-[theme music playing]
-♪ Yeah! ♪

♪ Hey! ♪

♪ I was sitting at home ♪

♪ Watching TV all alone ♪

♪ So tired of routines ♪

♪ The day goes on and on ♪

♪ So I pick up the phone ♪

♪ Call everyone I know ♪

♪ I say there's gonna be a party ♪

♪ Hit the music, here we go, yeah ♪

♪ You gotta live to party
Bust your move ♪

♪ Everybody's in the groove ♪

♪ Tell the DJ to play our song ♪

♪ Are you ready to rock and roll? ♪

♪ Gotta live to party
Bust your move ♪

♪ Everybody's in the groove ♪

♪ Live to ♪

♪ Party! ♪

She's not my girlfriend!
I don't even know Fiona Skye!

Yes, and that's for the record.

[phone beeps]

[phone ringing]
♪ Live to party ♪

Hello?

Now they're calling from Celebrity Dirt.

No, Fiona and I
are not involved in any way.

Why are all these reporters
asking about Fiona Skye?

-Who is she?
-She was in that horror film

Scream Till You Die Screaming,
or Cry Till You Die Crying.

Either way, it was horrible.
I remember being there

and laughing till I died laughing.

[laughing]
Yeah, 'cause I... laughed.

[phone ringing]
♪ Live to party ♪

I don't know her!
Leave me alone!

Oh! I'm sorry, little boy. Don't cry.
You have the wrong number.

I just made a little boy cry.

Hey, nice shot of you and Fiona Skye
with your arms around each other.

I don't remember this.
Wait a minute.

[crowd cheering]

Hold the door, handsome.

I don't get it.
What's the big deal?

She put her arm around me
for one picture.

A million girls have done that...
and every one special.

Seriously.

Hey, looks like somebody's
got a new dance partner,

a new boo, a new shorty.

The only shorty in my life is Frankie.

It says here you're so crazy
about Fiona Skye

you gave her a diamond necklace.

-How could they say that?
-Well, there's a picture

of you giving her a diamond necklace.

[crowd cheering]

Did somebody lose a necklace?

Oh, thanks, gorgeous!
You're my hero.

This is ridiculous.
It was her necklace.

I'm just the gorgeous hero
who picked it up.

I wouldn't worry about it, you know.
Another day or two,

this'll disappear from all
the magazines and all the blogs.

[phone chirps]

-And all the vlogs.
-[phone beeps]

And all the tweets.

[rock music playing]

There's like 100 reporters
and photographers outside.

Really?
They never bother us at school anymore.

Maybe it's because one of us
is dating a girl,

and they're going to
kiss until they die kissing.

Will you guys cut it out?

There's nothing going on
between me and Fiona Skye.

Everybody on the Jonas fan site
wants to know what's going on

between you and Fiona Skye.

-[groans]
-It's all just gossip. None of it's true.

Joe, no one's gonna take this seriously.

-Don't even talk to me.
-Aw, Stella.

Oh, I know you.
You're famous!

Oh, my gosh.
You're Fiona Skye's boyfriend.

OK, hold up.
We were at the same club.

-They took a picture of us.
-Giving her a necklace.

It was her necklace.
She dropped it. I picked it up.

-Oh.
-Wait a minute. Are you jealous?

Jealous?
[chuckles]

No, no. Why would you even go there?
Maybe you're jealous.

-Of what?
-Exactly.

-Of what?
-OK, now I'm totally confused.

[all] Us too.

Honestly, I hope I never see her
or hear her name ever again.

[Fiona]
Joe! It's Fiona!

Move, move, move!

Excuse me, excuse me.
Move.

What are you doing at my school?

Why is there a photographer?
And why is he taking a picture of us?

I came to visit you, honey.

And what good is a hug
without a photographer?

-Take it.
-OK, excuse me,

but just who do you think you are?

"The scariest thing in this film

-is Fiona Skye's acting."
-[Fiona] Whoa. Paolo!

"Fiona Skye, the girl with Joe
that everyone wants to know."

OK, she's not with Joe,
and I don't want to know.

No offense.
I bet you're a very nice girl.

[pop music ringtone plays]

You've got Fiona.

[groans] When will you reporters
stop hounding me?!

Yes, honey.
I'm with Joe right now.

That is between me and Joe.

We want to keep this whole crazy,
delicious thing private.

But don't forget I have a new
horror movie coming out next month.

It's called... [gasps]
Don't Turn Around!

And I play, "Girl That Turns Around."

I see what's going on here.

You're romantically linking yourself to me
to help your career.

OK, I admit maybe that's where
this whole thing got started,

but now that I see you here without
the distracting flash of the cameras...

I could really see myself
falling for you.

No offense, but I'm not interested.

-Are you sure?
-He is absolutely positive.

Who is this person, Joey?
Is this your girlfriend?

-[both] No.
-Great.

Be a doll and get me a decaf cappuccino
and maybe a... a low-fat for yourself.

Ahh. We're gonna walk away now.

Coast is clear.

I can't do this anymore.

I just read a whole page
of my history book.

She's driving me crazy.

Really? According to this blog,

you guys have secret nicknames
for each other.

You call her "Fifi"
and she calls you "Pookins."

-Pookins?
-I cannot believe they printed that.

Now they're not secret anymore.

-Now you gotta go find--
-There are no nicknames.

She's making it all up
to help her career.

I just wish there was a way
we could get rid of her.

You know, Joe, if you need help
getting rid of this girl,

I could always talk to her.

And by talk, you mean rip her hair out?

If by hair,
you mean those cheap extensions?

Why can't we just ask Big Man to help?

Yeah, that's a great idea.

No, put me down!
Put me down right now!

"How Jonas picks up girls."

Yeah, why does Joe
have to be such a media magnet?

I can't help it.
It's the curse of the cool.

Wait a minute.
That's it.

If Fiona thinks that being
connected to you makes her look cool,

-then what if you weren't cool?
-But I am.

-But what if you weren't?
-But I am.

-But what if you weren't?
-Hey, what's up?

-But I am.
-OK, can we just move past this part?

What if Fiona thought you were so uncool

that it actually made her look bad
to be seen with you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I mean, she wouldn't be interested at all.

-She'd run for the hills.
-Exactly.

So we know she lives in the hills.

[rock music plays]

Wow. This place is fantastic.

You know, I was
a little bit surprised by the invite

after the way Joe was avoiding me.

You've really won him over.
He's crazy about you

and wants you to meet the Joe
that no one else gets to see.

Yeah, the relaxed, stay-at-home,
chillin'-with-the-peeps Joe.

Paolo, take lots of pictures.

Of me, numbskull.

[sighs]

So this is the mini recording studio
and this is Nick's area.

[whirring]

Cute.

And over here is the juice bar.

And this is my favorite.
It's my space.

-Yeah, that's pretty awesome.
-[clicks]

OK, and the main event, this is Joe's.

This is Joe's bed?

Joe?
Where are you?

-[Joe, nerdy voice] Bathroom.
-Ah, you know Joe,

so fanatical about his appearance.

[sniffs]

Joe?

[nerdy voice]
Hi, Fiona.

What is going on?
Is this some kind of joke?

[wails]
I told you she wouldn't understand!

You really hurt his feelings.

C'mon, Joe.
Come on out and see the pretty bells.

You've got to be kidding me.

You should really say that you're sorry.

I'm sorry?

Thank you, Fifi.

You're the first girl
to bring out the real me-me.

-[sneezes]
-Ew!

[groans]
Can you get me a tissue?

Oh. That's the box
I put all the used ones in.

[grunts]

Here you go.
You're gonna need these.

I'm contagious.

Hey, you guys, did you...
Whoa! Joe?

Hi, Daddy.

-Uh, why are you--
-This is Fiona Skye.

Joe has decided to reveal
his true self to her

no matter how bad the publicity

would be for him
or anyone connected to him.

-Ah, I get it. Yeah, I see.
-See?

-Has he told you everything?
-Dad, Dad. Appreciate the help,

-but I think we should--
-No, I got it.

-Eyebrows? Fake.
-OK.

Dad, hey, Mom, you know,
cooked something for you.

-[Dad] Oh.
-[Kevin] Left something for you

-on the stove.
-Are you sure?

Yeah!

Joe, I'm gonna put your burger
in the blender.

He's got most of his teeth.

I don't know why
he's so afraid to use 'em.

[Kevin] Yeah, we know.
It's a sad thing.

OK, I get it.
I mean, we all have our little secrets

and our public personas.

I mean, you would scream if you saw me
first thing in the morning.

I could scream right now.

But with you,
I know I don't have to put on an act.

And if you can love me for me,
then everybody else can, too.

Paolo, get this shot.

Everybody else?
As in everybody else?

I want the whole world to know about us.
[chuckles]

This is the Joe you're going to be
romantically linked to.

I haven't seen him this happy
since he became a fifth-level wizard.

And it's all thanks to Fion...

-Yes!
-We did it!

-That's right.
-She's gone.

Joe-Joe-bear, got your burger.

Dad, she's gone.

Oh, I just...

[sniffs]
Mmm.

That's, uh...
Nope, nope, no.

You had to see the look
on Fiona's face when she saw me.

And when I told her I was going to go out
as the real Joe in public,

the girl ran for the hills.

We're pretty sure she lives there.

-Yay.
-I can promise you that's the last time

we're gonna be seeing Fiona Skye.

-Hi, Pookins!
-[all] Oh, no.

Paolo posted the pictures
he took at your house

and the fan sites are on fire!

-What?
-"Fiona brings out the real Joe."

-[pop song ringtone plays]
-[clears throat]

Hello.
Fiona.

No, no, no! I specifically said
that my romance with Joe

should be kept private.
And you can print that.

[clears throat]

[snaps fingers]

-[screams]
-Wow.

You should've been in
Scream Till You Die Screaming.

That would've been good.

It's hopeless.
No matter what I say or do,

all the magazines are talking about
is my romance with Fiona.

Not true. They also mention
that you are a world-class nerd.

Thanks, Nick.
That'll do.

Then we've gotta get them
talking about something else.

-Because the best way to end one rumor...
-Is by starting another.

-Mm-hmm.
-You are a genius.

You don't get to be head
of the #1 Jonas fan club

without knowing how to deal with gossip.

Well, then where
did we go wrong, professor?

To get Fiona Skye to leave you alone,

you tried to make yourself
less attractive.

-So?
-There is absolutely no way

-you can make yourself less attractive.
-Told you.

What you need to do
is make the sites and mags believe

that you've found someone
more attractive than Fiona.

"Joe dumps Fiona for mystery girl."

Yeah, well, you're going to need pictures.

And that means we'll need a mystery girl.

We can put Nick in a wig and a dress.

[chuckles]
No, we can't.

Yeah, you're probably right.

That's more publicity
than we're looking for.

Um, there's gotta be somebody.

Oh, no.
No. No. No.

[camera clicking]

[Macy]
Great. Now take her hand.

What do you want me to do with it?

Hold it.

Now, look at her like you're in love.

Is that your in-love face
or did you just eat a bad taco?

OK, moving on.

Now you're skiing down a big hill.

Smile. The wind is in your face.

All right, now swoosh to a stop.

Ha! OK, now a big hug.

Uh, all right. Well, hug high.
And his arm...

No. Uh, you're getting
a little tangled there.

[sighs]

OK, now, gaze into each other's eyes.

And closer.
And closer.

And closer.

-Now kiss her!
-[both] I'm done.

I'm just saying
I think it was a little rude

to go down the slope in front of me.

-We weren't really skiing!
-They posted the pictures and the story!

My first credit in a major magazine!

-Look.
-"Photos by Missy Mesa." Missy Mesa?

-Close enough.
-OK, let me see. Let me see.

"Joe leaves Fiona for fake blonde."
Fake blonde?!

I'm in the big time now.
I had to spice it up.

Besides, no one will know
you're the mystery woman.

-Ah, the mystery woman.
-Bye.

[gasps]

I knew it was you the minute
I saw the fake blonde hair.

-OK, you know what? That's it.
-Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You think the press is just gonna
drop me and focus on you?

They always side
with the wounded girlfriend.

-You're not my girlfriend!
-Of course, I am.

That's why you bought me this...
diamond bracelet for my birthday.

Wow.
I'm a big spender.

And all I got for my birthday
was a macramé guitar strap

that said "Rock on!"
Thanks a lot.

OK, you know what?
You cannot keep this up.

Sooner or later, people are
gonna realize that this is all fake,

and what are you gonna say
when the press asks you

what it is about Joe
that you love so much?

Easy.
His fame, his success, his fans.

All superficial.
They're gonna see right through it.

Really?

And what will his "mystery woman"
say she loves about him?

[scoffs] OK, I'm not going to pretend
to be in love with Joe.

But if I was, I would say...

the way he flips his hair
out of his eyes,

and the way he grins
when he gets nervous, and...

his heart.

Well, it looks to me
like we have a love triangle

the press is going to
suck up with a straw.

[groans]
I can't live like this!

Ooh, that's good.
"Joe can't live without Fiona."

Will you please just go away?
I am begging you.

Oh, don't beg, honey.
It's not pretty.

Guess what else isn't pretty?

Who are you?

I'm Missy Mesa:
blogger, Jonas Fan Club president

and, as of today, the owner
of a very rare Fiona Skye photo.

Or should I say...
Bertha Snerkus?

My ninth grade yearbook photo?
Where did you get that?!

From my newest fan club member.

Oh, and here's your hat.

[chuckles]

I think the only headline that will
prevent this photo from being released

is, "Fiona Skye breaks up with Joe!"

Paolo, after all you've done for me,
this is how you repay me?

Don't speak to me.

Way to go, Macy.

Oh! I'd better hurry

if I'm want to be the first
to post about your break-up.

Stella, so, do you really like all those
things you said you like about me?

Oh, um, I don't really
remember what I said.

Oh, yeah,
I think it had something to do

with the way he flips his hair,
you know, out of his eyes, like...

It looks better with...
not my hair.

Did I say that?
That's funny, I don't remember.

It was like two minutes ago.

Yeah, I think you also mentioned
that you like the way he grins

when he's nervous.
Kinda like this.

All right, it doesn't
look good on my face. I get it.

You also said
you think that I'm super-hot, so...

-OK, I did not say that.
-Yeah, she didn't. She didn't say that.

-Yeah, you did.
-I so did not.

Joe, now it's your turn.

-What?
-[Nick] Yeah, Joe,

tell us three things
you love about Stella.

Well?

I gotta go.

Oh, yeah?

Well, your smile's nothing special,
you know.

Oh, who am I kidding?
He's adorable.

-[dance music playing]
-[crowd cheering]

OK, I'll admit
it would have been kinda cool

to be known as the "mystery girl"
in Joe's life.

[woman]
Hey, it's the fake blonde!

Hey, the fake blonde has a name!

It's Stella Malone!

You can thank me later.