01x13 - Detention

[bunniefuu]

-What's this?
-It's the lyrics for the new song

we're recording on Saturday.
Learn it, live it, love it.

But mostly learn it.

Recording on a Saturday?

When was the last time
we did anything normal on a weekend?

Yeah. I just want to be able to go
hang out at the mall.

Exactly.

Wait, I don't wanna hang out at the mall.

Me neither.

[chuckles]

Abby, save some for the fish.

"Captain Salty's Sea Salt 'N' Vinegar
Thick-cut Salt Chips.

Now with extra salty sea salt."

Oh, got it.

Ah. Mmm.
It's all yours!

Thanks.

What?
I think my hair is stuck.

-It's the fire alarm.
-Feels--

Let me just help you out here.

-[screams softly]
-[alarm goes off]

False alarm!

Everyone just stay calm!

Fire! Fire! Go!

Put me down!

Save yourselves!
[shouting]

-[theme music playing]
-♪ Yeah! ♪

♪ Hey! ♪

♪ I was sitting at home ♪

♪ Watching TV all alone ♪

♪ So tired of routines ♪

♪ The day goes on and on ♪

♪ So I pick up the phone ♪

♪ Call everyone I know ♪

♪ I say there's gonna be a party ♪

♪ Hit the music, here we go, yeah ♪

♪ You gotta live to party
Bust your move ♪

♪ Everybody's in the groove ♪

♪ Tell the DJ to play our song ♪

♪ Are you ready to rock and roll? ♪

♪ Gotta live to party
Bust your move ♪

♪ Everybody's in the groove ♪

♪ Live to ♪

♪ Party! ♪

[ringing]

Somebody care to explain what happened?

-Well, my hair got stuck in--
-I've heard enough!

Detention?!
That is so not fair.

You can't give her detention.
It was an accident.

Besides, if it's anybody's fault,
it's mine.

Oh, please, like,
I'm going to give a Jonas detention?

My niece would k*ll me.
[chuckles]

Hey, Joe, can I get a quick photo?

[camera clicks]

Abby, I'm so sorry.

It must be nice to get away with
everything just because you're famous.

We don't get away with everything.
Miss Snart's new here.

Everybody else treats us like normal guys,

regardless of our hotness,
coolness and modesty.

-[chuckles]
-[scoffs]

-Abby!
-[Abby grunts softly]

Abby!

Macy, you have to help me.

The most horrible thing has happened!

Your toenails don't match your purse?

OK, that would never happen.
But, seriously, read this.

Oh, so, they finally figured out

that you've avoided
physical education all this time.

Yeah, my guidance counselor
finally got internet

and realized that "shopper's elbow"
isn't a real injury.

So I have until the end of the semester
to fill the requirement.

-Or it's, "Hello, summer school."
-Then just take PE.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

How much time do you have
to get dressed in between classes?

About five minutes.

There is no way that I can
accomplish this in five minutes.

Stell, I've seen you change
your entire look in the elevator

between the first and second floor.
What gives?

You know I'm lousy at sports.

Oh... [laughs]
Yeah.

Thank you. Well, I don't want
everyone else to know!

It's so embarrassing.

Oh, OK. Well, don't worry.
I'll help you.

Just meet me after school in the gym.

The big red building
right next to the football field.

That's the school dance building.

Also known as the gym.

-I knew that.
-Of course you did.

-Hey, Abby, wait up.
-[sighs]

Abby, I need to talk to you.

Abby, I know you probably think
you got a really bad deal on detention,

but if you please just let me explain,
I'm sure you would understand.

Please.
Abby.

Hey, the doors are closing.

Abby, the doors are...
Can you open the doors, please?

Guys, I can't believe
Abby's getting detention and I'm not.

I don't want her or anybody at the school

thinking we're getting
special treatment for being famous.

I didn't know you had a thing for Abby.

I don't. I just feel really bad
about what happened.

Yeah. And by "feel bad,"
you mean "have a thing for."

Oh, nice.

You know what I have to do?
I have to get detention, too.

That'll prove to Abby that we don't
get special treatment here.

All right, just as long as you don't turn
this into one of your big old productions.

-Kevin, get me a blueprint of the school.
-Why would I have one of those?

-How about a scale model of the school?
-You got it.

-This is our current position.
-All right, I just gotta think of a way

that will get me into enough trouble
to get me into detention.

-I'm on it.
-[keys beeping]

But won't get me kicked out of school.

-Oh.
-[beeps]

Hi, yes, I'd like to cancel that order
I just emailed you about.

Yeah, for the 20 goats
and the wheelbarrow.

It's not gonna work out this time.

But I still need the ducks for Saturday.

[rock music plays]

Ooh, this is nice.
It's really spacious.

Love the hardwood floors.

Thanks again for helping me, Mace.
I mean, I know this can be a challenge.

Oh, that's what best friends do,
they help each other.

Like the time I broke my ankle
and you painted my toenails,

so they'd look good
when the boys signed my cast.

[both] Aww.

OK.
So let's find out what you're good at.

We're gonna start with something easy.

[Stella]
Oh! [chuckles]

Um... that's something easy?

Sure!
Try it!

Uh-huh.

Stella, are you trying it?

-Yep.
-Oh, isn't it fun?

-Mm...
-This is, like, my favorite thing to do.

You're gonna be so awesome.
[chuckles]

Phew!

That was fun!

-Oh, please.
-What?

Good afternoon, everyone.

Let's start with silent reading:
chapters one through 11.

[popping]

-Who's doing that?
-It's me, Miss Snart. [chuckles]

I'll just send myself to detention.

Actually, I was gonna
send this to my grandma for her birthday.

You just saved me a trip
to the post office!

You may skip homework
for the next three days.

[students murmuring]

You know what, everyone?
Joe has made me so happy.

-I'm gonna give a pop quiz!
-[students groan]

That sound is the sweet nectar
that I thrive on.

Hey, Kevin, what did you
get on question number three?

I'd really like you to tell me
the answer to that.

Eyes on your own paper!

[whispers]
It's "mitosis."

[beeping]

[phone playing rock music]
♪ Everybody, bust your move... ♪

Oh, that's me.
[chuckles]

♪ Everybody, bust your move... ♪

Nope.

Huh. No.

Hello?
[chuckles]

[groans]
How are you guys doing?

♪ Everybody... ♪

Hello. You've got Joe.
No, this is a perfectly good time.

I'm just hanging out at school.
[chuckles]

-Excuse me!
-Yes, Miss Snart?

Is that the new Jonas ringtone?

Can you beam it to my phone?

Sure.

[groans]

It's just, like, whatever I try,
I just can't get detention.

Just give me the word, man.
I can have 20 goats here by lunch.

No, thank you.

Hello, Vice Principal Smetzer.

Don't try to charm me, mister.

I'm not impressed by your
rock and roll dimples.

Willful disobedience of school signage.
Detention!

-Oh, no.
-Oh, yes.

OK, well, that rules out anything
that requires a racket...

any kind of ball, an opponent,
a scoring system or movement of limbs.

[groans] There has got to be
something that I can do.

Ooh, what about "bow and arrows?"

If you mean archery,

that requires strength,
and discipline and precision.

And even if you had
strength and discipline,

you'd still need precision.

How hard can this be?

-Well, that was very good for a beginner!
-Oh, please.

[Kevin] OK, a little higher on the left.

A little lower on the left.

Up a little bit on the left.
A little down on the left.

A little up on the left.
Almost there. Almost there!

No. Down on the left.
Nick, is this my left

-or your left you're looking at?
-It's the same left!

Yes! I got detention tomorrow!

Now Abby will see
I get punished like everybody else.

Plus, once she's in there,
she'll be a c*ptive audience.

-She'll have to listen to me. Ha!
-Whoa, whoa, whoa.

-What do you mean tomorrow?
-[Kevin] You know, the day after today

-or the day before two days from now.
-Also known as the same day

we have to record the vocals
for the new record

-or we miss the deadline.
-Oh, I forgot about that.

-Nick, a little up on the right.
-Would somebody please

get me something to hang this with?

Thanks.

How'd I do?

Hi.

-I got detention for you.
-Yeah, I remember.

That's why all my friends
are at the mall and I'm not.

I meant I got myself detention
because I accidentally got you detention.

I just wanted a chance to explain things.

All right. My brothers and I
are regular guys with regular dreams.

Hold on a second.

Can you take it from the bridge?

[dramatic song playing]

You see, we come from
a small town in New Jersey.

-[door opens]
-We didn't grow up with much,

just love and fresh air.

-[door slams]
-Welcome to detention.

[fast music playing]

I see you're getting
to know one another...

[chuckles]
Which is odd because...

[shouts]
There's no talking in detention!

Luckily, I do have a solution.

-No... But...
-[Smetzer] No arguing.

-Also, no texting. No note passing.
-[beeping]

And no morse code, Gary!

I want complete
and utter silence in this room.

-Am I understood?
-Yes, sir.

That was a trick question!

[shouts]
I said silence!

I am going to be in my office.

But don't try any malarkey.

One peep and you'll spend
the next four weekends

helping the school janitors
scoop squirrels out of the pool filter.

That's right.

I'm quick and I'm quiet,
so don't try any malarkey.

I'm like a detention ninja.

I could show up anywhere.

-[gasps]
-Oh, yeah.

OK.

And surprisingly, no to hop scotch.

OK.
How am I supposed to bend down

and pick something up
while I'm standing on one foot?

I mean, what am I, a spider monkey?

That's every sport recognized
by this school district.

No, no, no, no, no, no.
No, Macy, that can't be!

If I don't pass PE, I'm gonna
have to make this up in summer school.

I mean, there has to be some sport
that I can get credit for!

Like, what about...

What about this?
Isn't this a sport?

No, that's clapping your hands
over your head.

What about this?

I'm not sure what that is,
but you're scaring me.

-You know what I can do?
-Huh?

I can do this!

No, you can't.
It's like this.

I can't even sit.

[gasps]
Where'd you guys come from?

A small town in New Jersey.

-What's up, troublemakers?
-[students] Shh!

-What are you guys doing here?
-We have to record the new vocals.

The record label needs it
by the end of the day today.

If Mr. Smetzer hears me,
I'm getting suspended.

-That's a chance I'm willing to take.
-Me too.

Oh, thanks a lot, guys.
Fine, I'll do it, OK?

-Just gotta talk to Abby first.
-Your apologies take forever.

-We'll talk to her for you.
-Wait. Guys...

Hi, Nick. Kevin.
Look, Joe feels really bad

about getting you into trouble.
He wants to apologize.

Oh, so he sent over two spokesmodels?

Wow, must be really nice

not to have to do
any dirty work yourself.

Oh, look, the chapter's about forgiveness.

I don't get it.
Why do you wanna go out with... her?

I don't wanna go out with her!

Did I hear talking?!

Hmm.

Something's not right here.

Hmm...

Ah-ha!

[laughs]

Yes.

There we are.

[rock music playing]

Stella, I'm sorry.
I feel like I let you down.

No, no, no, no.
You did everything you could.

You're amazing.
It's not you, it's me.

-I'm a failure.
-Stella, you are not a failure.

Sports just aren't your thing.

Yeah?
All right. I've gotta go.

I've got volleyball practice,
and we haven't won a game all season.

Well, it's no wonder.
I mean, look at your uniforms.

The shorts are bulky,
the top is too tight.

I know. Every time I wear this,
I sweat like a pig.

I'm mean, I glisten like a pig.

Well, yeah. That's because that kind
of fabric doesn't breathe.

Not to mention the frumpy factor.

I mean, if you don't look good,

-You're not going to play good.
-I play good.

But do you look good?

Hmm.

Hey, Abby.

Abby? Abby, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry you think I get
special treatment around here

-because I really don't.
-[scoffs]

I mean, the only person
in the whole school

who gives me special treatment
is Miss Snart.

If it's anybody but her,
I get punished like everyone else.

Hello. I'm filling in
for Vice Principal Smetzer

who had to go home
for a family emergency.

His mother's bath was overflowing.

Joe! What are you doing in here?

And the two remaining two-thirds of Jonas!

Did you prank up some mischief,
you little rascals?

[sighs]

Stella, I have great news!

I talked to my volleyball coach
about our frumpy uniforms

that are making us lose.

And she said if you can design

she can give you full PE credit.

Macy... I love you!

[squealing]

-Thank you! Thank you.
-You're welcome.

So can you do it?

Just watch me.

But first...

-I need some dynamic music.
-[rock music playing]

♪ Oh, yeah! ♪

♪ Living life, life in the fast lane

♪ Not that bad, no, we can't complain ♪

♪ Who's to say
That we won't keep it real? ♪

♪ Yeah! ♪

♪ Hold on tight
Don't you dare let go ♪

♪ Now's the time
Let the whole world know ♪

♪ You can shine bright
But still keep it real ♪

Stella, this is amazing.

Look how free I am,
yet, as cute as a button.

[sighs]
Whoever says you aren't an athlete

hasn't seen you with a pair of scissors
and measuring tape.

Thanks, Macy.

Coming from you,
that really means a lot to me.

[both] Aww.

[Macy sighs]

So one down, 11 more to go, right?

Oh, yeah.

♪ Oh, yeah! ♪

Now before taking over for Mr. Smetzer,

I was helping out at the varsity girls'
swim team victory party.

So I need someone
to go pass out pizza and towels.

Any volunteers?

Mm, eenie-meenie-miney...

Joe!
Have fun!

You know what,
I think I should probably stay here.

I mean, I walked on grass.
I should think about what I've done.

Are you disobeying
a direct order from a teacher?

Yes, I am.

And I think you should
give me more detention.

[Abby] Wait.

You really don't expect
special treatment?

No, Abby, that's what
I've been trying to tell you.

Cool.

I'm impressed.

Do I have another volunteer?

I'll do it!

Have fun. And when the party's over,
grab a gift bag and just go on home.

-Abby, but--
-See ya!

That girl is just no good.

I know Joe doesn't want
any special treatment,

but we kind of have a new song
to finish recording.

Do you mind if we do it in here?

Do I mind?

This is a detention room, young man.

I can't believe you even asked me that.

Sorry.

The acoustics are way better in the hall!

You rapscallion.

-[rock music plays]
♪ I try to turn on my TV ♪

♪ To get you out of my head ♪

♪ Feeling something deep inside ♪

♪ That I just won't admit ♪

♪ It's not like I don't ♪

-♪ Wanna commit ♪
-♪ Wanna commit ♪

♪ I just don't know why ♪

♪ I can't stop feeling like this ♪

-♪ Tell me why ♪
-♪ Why, why? ♪

♪ Does it hurt so bad? ♪

-♪ Tell me why ♪
-♪ Why, why? ♪

♪ Does it make me mad? ♪

♪ Tell me why ♪

♪ Tell me why ♪

♪ Now I can see the storm's ♪

♪ Not gonna clear ♪

♪ Not gonna clear ♪

♪ Drenched in my pain ♪

♪ And all of my tears ♪

-♪ Tell me why ♪
-♪ Why, why? ♪

♪ Does it hurt so bad? ♪

-♪ You make it hurt so bad ♪
-♪ Tell me why ♪

-♪ Why, why? ♪
-♪ Does it make me mad? ♪

[all cheering]

[classical music playing]

Now this is how
we should spend a Saturday.

No recordings, no detention.

Nick, can you move
a little bit to the left?

Perfect.

Yes!

Hey, Nick, keep an eye on me.
I think I'm cheating.

Voilà!
My masterpiece, she is finished!

Whoa.
Very realistic, Kevin.

Merci.

So I sat and held that book
all day for this?

-I'm not even in it.
-Yes, you are.

-That's my finger!
-You recognized it!

I'm better than I thought.