01x19 - Cold Shoulder

[bunniefuu]

-[Kevin] Guys!
-Whoa.

Sorry, guys.
Hey, I just got a text from Anya

saying that she is going to be coming
to our school to be an exchange student.

You know, Anya, the president
of our Scandinavian fan club, Anya?

The strong, blonde one?

The really strong, really blonde one
that I can't stop thinking about.

[sighs]

-Oh, that Anya.
-Yeah.

You two were really crushing
on each other when we toured Scandinavia.

Well, you know, all the long walks,
the dancing, the romantic dinners,

the regular dinners...

it really was the best
two-and-a-half days of my young life.

Remember how bummed you were
when the tour ended,

and you thought your heart
would never be... mended?

That rhymed!
Wait a second,

do you really care
or are you just writing a new song?

-I care.
-Then what are you writing?

Do you want to go on tour again or not?

So she's coming all the way
to America to go to this school?

And to see me.

-Kevin!
-Anya!

Kevin had, like,
three milkshakes for lunch,

so, I think we should
get out of here before he blows.

Yeah.

-[theme music playing]
-♪ Yeah! ♪

♪ Hey! ♪

♪ I was sitting at home ♪

♪ Watching TV all alone ♪

♪ So tired of routines ♪

♪ The day goes on and on ♪

♪ So I pick up the phone ♪

♪ Call everyone I know ♪

♪ I say there's gonna be a party ♪

♪ Hit the music, here we go, yeah ♪

♪ You gotta live to party
Bust your move ♪

♪ Everybody's in the groove ♪

♪ Tell the DJ to play our song ♪

♪ Are you ready to rock and roll? ♪

♪ Gotta live to party
Bust your move ♪

♪ Everybody's in the groove ♪

♪ Live to ♪

♪ Party! ♪

I really think you're going
to like the atrium.

It's like having
the outside on the inside.

An outside-inside-outside...

-You're right, I love it.
-[laughs] Oh, good.

Look at Kevin. He must be freezing.
I mean, his lips are turning blue.

That always happens when he likes a girl.

Or forgets to breathe.

You know, I've really missed you since
we ended our tour in Scandinavia.

Me too. Do you know what else
I've missed since Scandinavia?

-No!
-Yes!

[both]
Our song!

[pop music playing]

She dances just like my grandma.

Well, back when she had her own hips.

[students laughing]

No one would dance with me
like this back home.

They think I'm different.

You know, me too.

You know, we have
a Winter Wonderland Dance coming up.

[students laughing]

-I made you a present.
-Really?

Mm-hmm.

It's an outside on the inside.

In an outside-inside-outside.
[giggles]

You know, now I'm happy
on the inside and outside.

[piano ballad playing]

♪ London's nice, but it's not sunny ♪

♪ The desert's hot
'Cause there's no rain ♪

♪ You can laugh, but it's not funny ♪

♪ I found a place
Where my heart will stay ♪

♪ Tokyo's fast, but I'm not winded ♪

♪ New York's cash, but that's OK ♪

♪ Italy's a priceless memory ♪

♪ Just go walk the streets of Spain ♪

♪ But I found ♪

♪ That I left my heart ♪

♪ In Scandinavia ♪

♪ Left my heart ♪

♪ In Scandinavia ♪

♪ Left my love inside of her arms ♪

♪ Yeah, I left my heart ♪

♪ In Scandinavia ♪

♪ In Scandinavia ♪

[scats]

♪ Yeah, I left my heart ♪

♪ In Scandinavia ♪

See, you know,
I feel like we're really alike.

Except you have blonde hair,
and I have brown hair.

And I'm wearing a dress,
and you're wearing pants.

And your name's Anya,
and my name's Kevin.

-[bell ringing]
-Let's go.

Ooh.

[rock music playing]

Excuse me!

Someone posted unauthorized photos
of the guys on my Jonas website.

Look.

[phone beeping]

Oh, hang on. I'm not really sure
how to use my new smartphone yet.

-[barking]
-Oops, I think I just bought a puppy.

Ah, here's my website.
Look at these photos.

Ooh, I'm in the middle of sneezing there.

Look at this one.
I'm in the middle of a yawn.

Hey, but I still look pretty good.

Ow.

There's obviously
undercover paparazzi at school.

Maybe we should handle this
like they do on Crime Scene Cops.

First, you need the cool shades,
then the cool camera angles.

When we get our hands
on the guys taking these photos...

it won't be a pretty picture.

-OK, that was cool.
-Shh.

You'll ruin the moment.

Now everybody look serious
in a different direction.

Maybe we should spend
less time looking cool

and more time looking
for the guy who did this.

Good thinking, detective.

Maybe it's a janitor
hiding a camera in his mop!

I'm keeping my eye on you.

Hey, lunch lady,
why are you walking so fast?

Delivery for Kevin!

From a little lady called Anya!

"Dance will the to me you with go!"

I think she speaks in broken cookie.

"Will you to the dance go with me?"

-Close enough.
-Hey, Anya's asking you to the dance.

Wait... you know what? Do you mind?
This one's got "me" written all over it.

[laughs]

I think I'm gonna bake her
three cakes that spell "yes."

You know, Anya's the first girl
that I've met that really gets me.

Well, we've met a lot of girls.
It was bound to happen.

Sometimes it's hard
being the different one.

But with Anya,
we're both the different one.

So we're the same... in that
we're different from all the others

-That are the same.
-That... that's good.

-Good.
-You didn't get it, did you?

Oh, no. No.

You know what else I like about her?
She speaks her mind.

And if she's mad, she says so.

Happy, says so.
Hungry, says so.

Tired, says so.
Sad, says so.

Gassy... says so.

Doesn't feel like talking,
she says so.

[dance music playing]

[all laughing]

I'm sorry, Kevin.
Now everybody is laughing at us.

I shouldn't have lifted you
so you could grab that balloon.

[scoffs] Don't worry about it.
They laugh at everything.

And they're just jealous
because we got the balloon.

-[thermos hisses]
-[coughing]

-Oh, what is that?!
-Lutefisk.

It's a Scandinavian seafood pudding.

It's like taking fish heads
and mashing them with lots of guts

-and making it plenty gutsy.
-Really?

It's like drinking fish.

No, don't... oh.

-Aah.
-[gags]

-Maybe we should go dance now.
-Oh, OK. Here.

It's cool.
I'll just stand here by myself,

which everybody loves to do at a dance.

[dance music playing]

That's Molly Myman.

She's a former member
of my Jonas fan club.

I bet you she's the one
posting the awful, terrible,

embarrassing photos of you guys.

They're not that bad.

We used to argue about the website.

Molly thought that the word "Jonas"
should be in big type,

but I thought that it should be
in really big type.

Molly Myman has the motives
and the means to mess with your webpage.

Why are you talking like that?

Talking like... what?

Guys, there are new
unauthorized photos on the website.

[scoffs]
These were taken inside your house.

Which means it's an inside job.

Which would rule out Molly, the janitor,
and anyone else at school.

I guess home sweet home ain't so...
sweet.

-Shall we?
-We shall.

[all laughing]

[groans]

[clattering]

That was awesome.

[laughs]
I'm thirsty now.

I'll go get us some punch.

Why does everyone
keep laughing at me?!

Well, I think they're laughing
because in America girls don't really..

throw their boyfriends around.

Like when I just danced with him?

-Yeah.
-But they laugh at him a lot.

Like when I...
when I hug him off the ground

or when I give him
piggyback rides to class.

And then there's the food.

Now I understand.

Oh, wait. No, Anya!

Anya!
[groans]

Where is Anya going?

-I don't know.
-Anya gave us this note for you.

"Anya, I break you up with."

I'm usually really good at this.

I don't know what
she's trying to say here.

"I break up with you... Anya."

I liked it better the other way.

[people chattering]

[sniffling]

-Hey, Anya.
-Hello, Stella.

-I broke up with Kevin.
-Yeah, I know.

Your note was delicious.

And he's really upset.

Kevin needs a wonderful
American girlfriend.

You know, I bet I could totally
turn you into a totally awesome

totally American girlfriend.

-Really?
-Absolutely.

-Ohhh.
-[giggling]

-[bones cracking]
-Oh, neck... neck bones. Neck bones.

[groans]

We gotta find out who's been sneaking
those photos of us from inside this house.

Look at him!
Sitting there all innocent and Dad.

-How's it going, Dad?
-Terrific.

I just cut the band
a monster deal that is bigger--

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's great.

Where were you between the hours
of 8:00 and 11:00 Saturday morning?

Well... Frankie's soccer game.

-Prove it.
-I have witnesses.

Oh, really.
Who?

You guys.

He's right.
We were there.

I remember that now.

So, unless you fellas
are going to charge me,

I do have an appointment back
in the world of the normal.

-[chuckles]
-Hey, Dad?

-Yeah?
-Don't leave town.

OK.

-What are you doing?
-[sunglasses crunch]

[trash can rattles]

-How's it going, man?
-Not good.

I can't figure out
what went wrong with me and Anya.

Well, you guys were going out,
and then she broke up with you.

But why? Why? Why?

Everything was going so good
back in Scandinavia.

Maybe you should go back
to Anya's country.

No, I'd miss you guys too much.

We'd miss you too.

Wait a minute! If I could make it
so being here reminds her of home,

maybe she'll remember
how happy we were there.

You should study up on Scandinavia and do
whatever you can to make her feel at home.

If I bring Norway her way,
maybe she won't go away.

Thanks.

[rock music playing]

I'll find you,
you evil undercover paparazzi.

[beeping]

[rapid beeping]

Oh, no, my new phone is taking pictures

and uploading them
to my website by itself.

[gasps]
The evil undercover paparazzi... is me!

OK, when I am done with you,

you are going to feel like
the perfect girlfriend for Kevin.

First lesson, I am going to teach you
how to walk gracefully.

Watch me.

-Wow, that's beautiful.
-I know.

How did you get your bones
to move like that?

-Oh, you just pretend you don't have any.
-Oh!

And canceling my afternoon plans.

[whirring]

The world's largest population of reindeer
can be found in... ?

-Scandinavia!
-Bingo.

-Yes!
-OK.

The reindeer crossing sign
is the most popular souvenir in...?

-[bell dings]
-Scandinavia.

What region starts with "Sc"
and ends with "andinavia"?

-Is this a trick question?
-Surprisingly...

-No.
-Come on, Kevin, come on.

-Scandinavia?
-Yes, yes!

-[Joe] How can Anya not be impressed?
-[Nick] I don't know.

-[Kevin] Hey, Joe, come here, try this.
-OK, fine.

-I'm so proud of you.
-Thanks, man.

This girl is his.

Is this what I think it is?

Yeah, lutefisk pudding.

Eww!

I didn't really know how to make it
so I just put some fish in a blender

-and chopped, serrated, diced.
-Why would you do that?

Too many scales?

When you're on a date, it's always nice
to start with a compliment.

For example, I might say to you,
"You have a wonderful smile."

-Thank you! I have six teeth too many.
-What?

-Uh, uh...
-Oh.

Good, thanks.
Now you go.

Go ahead, compliment me.

Uh... mm-mmm.

[exclaims]

You have very big hands
for such a small girl.

Oh, yeah? They found sharks
with less teeth than you.

I mean...
I think you're really starting to get it.

Let's move on.

[rock music plays]

Kevin?

Ah-ha...

Um, whoa, hey.

I was gonna say
I had a surprise for you,

but I think you beat me to it.

-Have you seen Anya?
-As a matter of fact... I have.

I turned her
into an American girl for you.

Hey, Kev.
What's up, bro-ham?

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Um, we didn't rehearse that greeting.

Uh, what's with the fake dog?

I'm totally allergic to real dogs,

but I totally wasn't
going to let that stop me

from having the totally perfect
American girl accessory.

What about all the stuff we worked on?

Oh, I found much better stuff
in this magazine.

Anya, what happened to you?

Oh, my name's not Anya anymore.
It's Kimmy.

I changed it. With a little,
you know, heart over the "I."

[clears throat]
Why are you dressed like that?

-I wanted to make you feel at home.
-[laughs] Like my grandpa's home.

-[giggles]
-Anya?

Kimmy. Kimmy.

Right, Kimmy. Um...

I think I liked the old you better.

Oh, well, I'm still the old me.

But the new me
just looks fantastic in this outfit.

Right, Bootsy? Yes! [giggles]
Bye.

You broke Anya.

[Nick]
Poor Kev. Losing Anya must really hurt.

I feel terrible.
Even this ice cream tastes lousy.

That's because it's the leftover
lutefisk I put in the freezer.

[groans]

[car zooms]

Kev, Stella feels really bad.

She was just trying to help
Anya become a good girlfriend.

The whole fake-dog-diva thing
is Anya's deal.

Guys, relax, trust me.
I am so happy

I found out who the true Anya was
sooner rather than later.

Can you see me with Kimmy
with a heart over the "I"?

Great attitude, bro-ham.
[chuckles]

Hey, guys, look who's staying
with me for the week.

This is Samantha Saint Jean,
the president of your French fan club.

[French accent]
Bonjour, Samantha. I love your fries.

Samantha is here
for the International Mime Festival.

No way!
I love to mime!

Especially over here in my invisible box.

[sound of door opens, closes]

I am not staying here for this.

Yeah, let's go get some very visible food.

Really? So, we're just gonna
leave him in there?

Guys!

[thuds]

[whistles nonchalantly]

Hey, Macy, how's it going
with the paparazzi case?

Oh, I found the undercover paparazzi,

so you guys don't need
to think about it anymore.

-All done.
-Good work, Macy.

-Case closed.
-Just one more thing, Macy.

OK.

You know, we took one of those
unauthorized pictures

from your website and blew it up.

It turns out our little
undercover paparazzo

accidentally took a picture of his...

or her hand.

Does that nail polish look familiar?

Thinky Pinky Pink.

A lot of girls wear Thinky Pinky Pink.

-I think.
-Hmm.

Well, then we took one of the pictures
and blew it up even larger.

On the hand we noticed
a limited-edition Jonas fan-club ring.

Know anyone who wears that ring?

[Macy sighs]

[high-pitched] No.

Interesting.

Well, then we blew up the picture
a little larger.

-[sighs]
-[Joe] And we noticed

-a reflection in the ring. [exclaims]
-OK, it was me.

But this thing is brand new,

and I didn't know how to use it.
Please don't hate me.

Don't worry. We know you would never
do anything like this on purpose.

And I guess this is what happens when...

you don't read your instruction manual.

What are you doing?

-[clattering]
-[grunts]

-[crunching]
-[grunts]

Ahh...

-[sighs]
-I guess you could call

what I just did to your glasses a real...
eye opener.

You're right.
This is fun.

You're not as cool as me.

But... yeah.

Totally.

Do you have any glasses?