Shh...
- I can't read this damn map,
where the hell are we, man?
Come on.
- First of all, you shouldn't
be driving while reading.
And second of all, this
is a map of Massachusetts,
we're in Maine.
- We drove through
Massachusetts?
- Hey Monroe, you
want some peanuts?
- Dude, dude, I told
you I don't want any!
- Stare a little
harder, as*h*le.
- Oh no, no,
I wasn't staring.
- Ronnie, this is the fourth
time you passed something
up to Monroe, just so you
can look at Nicole's boobs.
- I'm driving and I can even
see you staring at them.
- Hey, why don't you stare
at the road there, Morpheus?
- Why doesn't anybody
stare at my boobs?
- I would if you would let me.
- Hey!
- Way to win her back.
- She's in the car with
me, that's a start.
- We're not really
going on a boat, are we?
- I can't believe you came
along just to see Stephen King.
- Why else would I come here?
To sing camp songs and eat
shitty food off of a stick?
- You are such a freak.
- Hey, you okay?
- Hey, it's just music, right?
- Anybody hungry?
- Starving!
- I want to see Stephen
King, we can eat anytime.
- Monroe, umm,
I'm hungry, too.
- Hey guys, why don't we
stop for a little bit.
Man, this diner's
in the middle of nowhere.
Oh look, they
named the place restaurant.
That's clever, what
do they serve, food?
Shut up, Ronnie.
- Just sit wherever you like.
Today's special is
sauteed chicken.
Just be sure you lift the legs.
So you don't scratch the floor.
- Okay, I'm going
to need a chair.
Someone get me a chair.
Thank you, now leave.
- Interesting place.
- As long as they're not playing
your Guantanamo t*rture
music, I'm pretty good.
I wonder if they have a
vegeta--
- Dani!
What did I tell you?
- I didn't mean it, Mom.
- I'm so sorry,
we'll pay for that.
- I think you all better
just leave, Wendy.
- Is there a box that we
can take our food home in?
- It's best if you just go.
- Come on, let's go.
- Hey, you okay?
- Sorry for the disturbance.
That's the trouble with kids.
They're such a problem.
- You know, you didn't
have to kick them out.
- Sometimes the best way
to deal with a problem
is to just get rid of it.
And what brings
you to these parts?
- We're here to do some boating.
- We're here to
see Stephen King.
Do you know where he lives?
- We get a lot of folks
here looking for him,
and I'm sorry to disappoint
you, but he doesn't live here.
Isn't that right, Dale?
- That's right, Dee Dee,
hasn't been here in years.
- No no, I just read a blog
that said he lives around here.
- Well, not anymore.
- Can you at least tell
us where his old place is?
- No idea.
Now look, this is a
boring little town.
If you all are looking
for fun and excitement,
you need to go about 40
miles north, to Deer Lake.
There's more people
there, more things to do.
- There's obviously got to be
fun stuff to do around here.
- There ain't!
People stay home,
watch the sunset.
Like I said, it's a
quiet little town.
- That food was horrible!
- If everything's supposed
to taste like chicken,
why didn't that chicken
taste like chicken?
- I told you we should have
gone looking for Steve.
- It's Steve now?
When did you guys
become best buddies?
- Since I realized his books
were far more interesting
than hanging out
with you people.
- Help you?
- Uh, yeah, we'd
like to rent a boat.
My grandparents, they left
me a place here on the lake,
I thought I'd come up
with some friends and...
- Drink us a few beers,
have us a little fun.
Up top!
Still waiting.
Soul fist, we're
alright, right on.
- I don't care what you do
up at your grandmama's house,
but if you're here to run
a speed boat, 40 miles down
there's another lake,
Deer Lake.
I recommend you go there.
- No, I am not going anywhere
until I see Stephen
King's house.
- Well Mr. King
doesn't like visitors.
- So he does live here.
- The waitress at the
diner said he doesn't
live here anymore.
- Well that's what I meant.
- So why would he
care about visitors?
- I y'all are looking to rent
a boat, we don't rent them.
- What's that mean?
- We don't rent fast boats.
The kind you folks
are looking for.
- Hey, what about this one?
It looks fast enough.
- And cute!
- You don't want that one!
- No, yeah we do.
Monroe, get this one, it's
totally eighties, but it'll do.
- That boat is perfect.
Can't we please rent it?
Just for the weekend?
- Well, alright,
but it'll cost you.
- How much?
- 500.
- Dollars?
- Yep, in cash.
If all you got is
plastic, Deer Lake is--
- Thanks.
Uh, come on guys,
let's huddle up.
Let's see how much we got.
- I'm not paying for
this, water bothers me.
- You will if you want to
see Stephen King's house.
From what I hear, you can
only see it from the lake.
- Did you really hear
that or are you just
trying to get my money?
- Your call.
- Damn you for
knowing me so well!
- Holy sh*t, where'd
you get all that?
- I'm loaded with
disposable income, baby.
- Ewww, I'd rather be f*ndled
by the creepy boat guy.
- Look, we got 360,
who didn't put in?
- Lamont's holding back.
- Hey, black people don't do
the water man, you know that.
- So why'd you come with us?
- To see these girls
in their bikinis.
- Come on Lamont, ante up.
- Ah man, I only have--
- Hey, Lamont, I totally
saw you at the ATM
the last time we stopped.
- Yeah, and didn't we all give
you money for gas earlier?
- Yeah, we didn't
stop since then.
- No money,
no girls in bikinis.
- sh*t.
- Alright, so who's gonna drive
the van back to the house?
- What, what are y'all doing?
- Thanks for
volunteering, Lamont.
- What kind of crazy
white people sh*t is this?
- The kind that results
in you driving the van
back to the house.
- Come on.
- Hey sorry dude,
those are the rules.
Address and directions are
in the glove box and uh,
oh hey while you're at
it, fill up the gas tank.
- Yezz, Miss Daisy.
- Thank you.
Thank you.- Hey,
let's do it, hit the water!
- b*stard.
- Hey Lamont, hurry up,
by the time you get gas,
we'll already be at the house.
- Half naked.
- Ooo, damn!
Hey, where's this gas station?
- Quarter mile north.
- Soul fist.
Thanks, old timer.
- Getting in?
Hello?
Hey, Monroe, check out
the look on Ronnie's face.
- Yeah, he'll be fine.
- Uh-oh.
- Oh no.
- Oh no what?
- Oh my god he got my foot,
I just got a pedicure!
Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew,
ewwwww, oh my god. Blech!
- Hey dude, are you alright?
- Time of my life.
- Let's get you
back to the house.
Hey Lori,
can you grab the back?
- Yeah.
- Uh, that's the house
right up there, Ronnie.
Walk up the path and uh,
find a camp with down spouts.
- Very mature, guys.
Okay, seriously,
you're gonna k*ll me.
- Not a bad idea.
- Wait.
- Don't forget this.
- Don't throw it,
don't throw it!
Got it.
- Yeah baby, ooh rah!
- Let's go wakeboarding,
woooooo, yeah, woooo!
Bye Ronnie!
- Alright, see you guys.
Hope you crash into an iceberg.
Assholes.
You're my best friend.
- Woooo!
- Alright Monroe!
Woo, that was awesome!
Nicole, you wanna try?
- You know I don't
do anything sporty.
- Come on, it's easy,
we'll show you how.
- Come on Nicole,
I'll set you up.
- So, I hear your
parents are dead.
Oh, if it's too personal, I'll
promise not to tell anyone.
- Look, they died when Monroe
and I were little kids.
No one really knows how.
I mean if they did,
they never told us, so.
My grandparents never
talked about it,
and my grandma just died,
so, yeah I don't know.
- Wow.
That totally sucks.
- Yeah, it really,
really sucks.
Once I
find me a gas station,
I'ma find me some new friends.
And some new white b*tches.
Quarter mile, my a*s.
This is some bullshit!
I'm gonna take my black
a*s right back to New York.
I'm the only black dude
in the state of Maine.
I don't even see
any black bears.
The roads aren't
even black up here!
Where the f*ck is
this gas station?!
sh*t.
Whoa, was that a
mother f*cking zebra?
Uh-uh, they eat people!
I've seen enough horror movies.
I'm getting up outta here.
- Don't you think we should
be getting back to the house
to pick up Lamont?
- He's got Ronnie to keep
him company, he'll be fine.
- You just want to be
alone with three hot girls.
- Okay, first of all,
one of them is my sister.
And second of all, I
only need one hot girl.
- Do you guys have a
different color board,
because this one clashes
with my bathing suit.
- And I"m gonna give you
one guess who it's not.
- Oooh, a loon!
- Look, I know I've
been off, and I know
with a little bit of time...
No, hey,
not apart, together.
With a little bit of
time together, I know
that I'm gonna get
readjusted again and,
I really think that--
- She's ready.
- I don't know if I can do this.
Oh my god.
- She's up!
- Okay, okay--
- And she's down.
- She's not letting go...
- Let go of the rope!
- She's not gonna be happy.
- Come on baby, come on baby,
come on, you can make it.
Just a little further.
Aw, sh*t, here we are.
My lucky day, we got it,
we got it, we got it.
Hold on, hold on.
Gas.
A little gas in the a*s.
Gas in the a*s.
Yes sir.
Wicked good gas, reminds me of
last night's Taco Bell, hoo!
- Hey, Monroe?
We got company.
- Hello, officer.
How you doing this
glorious afternoon?
- I was doing fine
until I saw you kids
driving recklessly
around my lake.
- Kids?
- No, Hil.
We're just having a
little fun, that's all.
- Well what you consider
fun, I consider dangerous.
We're 80 miles from
the nearest hospital.
I advise you to slow down,
and lower your voices.
- I'm sorry, I didn't know
we shouldn't show excitement
by laughing so much.
- Are you looking for
me to give you a ticket?
- No, no sir, absolutely
not, we'll be more careful.
- That's a right smart idea.
You kids have a good day.
- But not too good, right?
- Country folk,
way too trusting.
That's my joint!
- That's the house
right up there.
- I don't see the minivan.
- Ah, Lamont probably
got lost again.
Hush...
Hush...
- sh*t!
Ah!
Gin.
- Did you even look
for Lamont, or did you
just lie there reading
your damn book?
- Nearest gas station's
probably 200 miles away.
You know, in a town with
indoor plumbing and cable TV.
- Or cell reception?
This place sucks.
- Are you kidding?
This place is awesome.
No, I mean look, there's
so much stuff to do here,
hiking and swimming and fishing.
You guys all need to lighten
up and go have some fun.
- So, what do we do now?
- I know, let's play
Never Have I Ever.
- What are we, seven?
- Come on Ronnie,
it'll be fun.
- Yeah, we can learn all about
your amazing life exploits.
- Yeah, that you
read about in books.
- At least I can read.
- Burn!
- I'm sorry,
I didn't mean that.
You're hot.
- I know.
- Okay remember if you've
done it, you have to drink.
Never have I ever made out
with someone of the same sex.
Drink.
- Really?
- No, I don't need to know
this stuff about my sister.
- That's what the parents
get for sending me
to all-girl summer camp.
- You did this at Catholic camp?
Please don't tell me
it was one of the nuns.
- Wait, am I the only one
who hasn't kissed a girl?
Ow!
- Okay, my turn.
Never have I ever had more than
two sexual partners in my life.
- That's so stupid, now
everybody's gonna drink.
- Cheers.
Dude, come on!
- No, I didn't even
hear the question.
- Of course you didn't.
- You know what, this
game's stupid okay,
I'm gonna take a leak.
- Come on, Ronnie.
- I bet he's gonna go whack
off to the two of you kissing.
- Gross.- Eww.
- Alright, whatever
it's my turn.
Never have I ever--
- Hey Lamont's been gone
for three hours already.
- Maybe he's getting lucky.
- Yeah, for three hours?
- Just because you could
never last that long
doesn't mean that
someone else couldn't.
- Oh, ha ha.
- Monroe.
- Yeah, alright tell
you what, why don't we
all go to the marina,
we'll see
if Captain Friendly
has seen him.
Is that cool?
- Okay.
- Alright, let's go.
- Fine, but nobody
better puke on me again.
- Wait.
Did you hear that?
- What's wrong?
- I hear something.
- Gross!
- He is so disgusting!
- Hey Ronnie, we're
gonna go to the marina
to check on Lamont,
we'll be back in a few.
We'll leave you to
do your business.
They're all
gonna laugh at you.
Wait, wait.
Guys, it's not what you, think.
An autographed copy of
King's first pop-up book.
I can't believe they
just left you here.
Oh my...
I will show you the
respect you deserve.
Who
invited that weirdo?
I know
he can be annoying,
but you get used to him.
We grew up next to one
another and you know,
his parents looked after us.
Well if he
tries to rub up against me
accidentally one more
time, I'm going to
drown him in the lake.
Uhhhh, what's that?
Ha ha,
now that's a loon.
Oh my god,
creep guy is still there.
What a loser!
- Guess you girls all
want me to go talk to him?
- I'm not doing it.
- I'll do it, I'm good
at getting loser guys
to do anything I want.
- You done on the lake?
- No silly, we were
looking for our friend?
He's about this tall,
and he's wearing--
- n*gro?
- Yeah, that's him,
have you seen him?
- Saw him with you
when you came in here.
- I mean since that time?
- Nope.
- He took the van with him.
Did you see which way he went?
- Went north, to
the gas station.
That way, quarter mile.
- It's so dark out, any
chance we could get a lift?
- Not much traffic around
here, but someone like you?
You could get lucky.
- Forget it.
Thanks anyway.
- Well?
- I think he likes little boys.
- I meant Lamont.
- I don't know if Lamont
likes little boys.
- Did he say where Lamont went?
- Oh, hasn't seen him
and won't give us a ride
to go look for him.
So the gas station's
a quarter mile north,
which means that way.
- I know, I know.
Let's go?
- What are we gonna do?
- Uh, walk?
- I don't feel like walking.
- You can stay here and
wait with Lurch if you want,
but we're walking.
I could
use the exercise.
Don't want to end
up with a saggy a*s.
No offense, sweetie.
Knowing Lamont,
he's probably in Canada by now.
Why'd you
even let him drive?
- Look out!
as*h*le, you don't even
have your sirens on?!
You okay?
- Thanks.
- You kids shouldn't
be around here.
- Sir, I think that's our car.
- What's your name, son?
- Monroe Bachman.
- You staying at the
old Bachman house?
- Yeah, it was
our grandparents'.
- We're worried about our
friend Lamont Jackson,
I mean is he alright?
- The n*gro fella?
- Yeah, if it was 1950.
- Well I'm afraid the
news ain't good, miss.
- What do you mean?
- Does he have any
family in the area?
- No, no what happened?
- Anyone that we can call?
No, please sir, can you
just tell us what happened?
- Well it seems that he
was attacked by an animal.
We need someone to
identify the remains.
- He's dead?
I'll do it.
- I'll go with you.
- No.
You don't want to see that.
- Normally, we have
you identify the face.
We haven't found it yet.
You okay?
- Can we just do
this quick, please?
- Dodd, which one has the arm?
Damn it Dodd, those
are the intestines!
- Sorry Sheriff, check
the one to the right.
- I think that's him,
that's his tattoo.
- Alright, then.
- What kind of animal
attacks a man at a gas staion
in the middle of the day?
- Well we have wolves in
this part of the state.
- A wolf attacked him?
- Yeah, something wolf-like.
- He see what did this?
- No.
- His office is right there,
and he didn't see anything?
- Your friend went
inside, paid for his gas,
and he came out and
went back to the car.
- And between the
building and the minivan,
my friend was torn apart
by a wolf, and that guy
didn't hear or see anything?
- He was out back.
He didn't hear a thing.
- I thought you said
Lamont paid inside.
- Wait, son.
Sheriff?
- Just let him
ask his questions.
- You didn't hear anything?
- Nope.
- How is that possible?
If you're getting ripped
apart by an animal
you'd be screaming pretty
f*cking loud, wouldn't you?
- Lower your voice, boy.
And watch your language.
- I was out back,
couldn't hear anything
but that loud rap music.
Even if I was out front,
I probably couldn't
have heard anything.
- Nice quiet little town
you got here, sheriff.
- What are we gonna do?
- I don't know.
I don't know what
the hell's going on.
- Hey, why'd you guys ditch me?
- Not now Ronnie.
- What happened?
Where's Lamont?
- Where's Lamont,
Lamont's dead!
- Ha, must be my birthday.
- It's not a joke
Ronnie, he's dead.
- Wait, you mean metaphorically?
You alright?
It's okay.
- I just can't
believe he's dead.
What the f*ck, get away
from me you f*cking sicko!
- What?
- This jerkoff tried to kiss me!
- What the f*ck, Ronnie?
- Hey, we all grieve in
different ways, right?
- And you grieve by making out?
- I thought there
was a connection.
- The only connection
is bringing my foot
to your ba*ls, you creep!
I'm not staying in the same
house as this as*h*le anymore!
- Way to go, as*h*le.
- Why am I the as*h*le, alright?
It's not like I'm the
one who k*lled Lamont.
- Can you just, can you just
go somewhere and chill, please?
- Where, into the forest
with the man-eating wolf?
- Hey if it's a man-eating
wolf, you should have
nothing to worry about.
- Fine, I'll just
go sit and read.
- He's gonna read a
Stephen King book to chill?
- I'm so sorry about that.
Ah man, I never thought
that he'd try to
make a move on you now,
Ronnie surprises even me
sometimes, I guess.
- Is this all supposed to be
part of him growing on me?
- What?
What?
Fine.
I'll go apologize.
You know, it is possible
for someone to love me.
- You know just, just
seeing Lamont there,
like knowing I
couldn't do anything...
- Monroe, I love you.
- What was that?
Oh great,
a really good idea.
Ronnie, wait!
Ronnie!
Ronnie!
- You are a
backstabbing hypocrite.
- No wait, wait.
- What happened now?
- What happened is I go
back there to apologize,
and this guy--
- No, it's not what you think--
- This guy's making
out with Nicole.
- Oh, I was not!
- What happened?
- What happened is your
boyfriend was making out
with the girl that
I was gonna marry.
- Oh gimme a break.
- You were making
out with Nicole?
- He thought that she
was gonna marry him?
- No, yes, not really.
Lori, Lori, Lori, you've
gotta let me explain.
- Don't!
- Lori!
Lori, wait, hey!
- Get your hands off
of me, you as*h*le.
At least I'm
not the as*h*le anymore!
- Just stay out of this, Ronnie!
Come on, please
just let me explain.
- You left me to go to Iraq
for a year, and I wait.
Then you come back, you tell
me you need some time alone.
And I wait.
Then, you tell me you
wanna stay friends,
and I wait some more?
Finally, you invite me
up here, and now this?
I was f*cking waiting for this.
- Hey, hey.
She kissed me.
- So you did kiss her.
- No, no, no, you're not
even listening to me.
- Listen to you?
I don't ever want
to see you again.
You know what?
No wonder they discharged
you for being crazy.
f*cking as*h*le!
as*h*le!
- Where's Lori?
- She ran off into the woods.
- Wait, you left her alone?
- She didn't want
me to be near her.
If it hadn't been for
Nicole kissing me I--
- If you hadn't invited that
perverted friend of yours--
- Shut up, both of you.
Such an
as*h*le, such an as*h*le!
I'm done, I'm not doing
this sh*t anymore, I'm done.
Shhhh...
I can't believe
this sh*t, four years.
Aarrgh, such an as*h*le!
Shhh...
- Monroe.
Is that you?
Monroe?
Monroe, this isn't funny.
Monroe?
Hush...
- Is someone there?
Who's there?!
- Hush...
Lori, where are you?!
- Lori!
Lori, where are you?
Lori!
Lori!
- Lori!
Lori!
- Oh no, oh no, oh no.
Oh no!
I'm so sorry Lori,
I'm so sorry!
- No!
No!
No!
- What was it, was
it another wolf?
- I don't know, we just need
to get back to the house.
You two need to go back
to the house, right now.
- What are you going to do?
- Get back to the
house right now.
Hush...
- Why doesn't anybody
stare at my boobs?
- I only need one hot girl.
- No wonder they discharged
you for being crazy.
- You're not bringing
her inside, are you?
I can't be inside
with a dead body.
- I'm gonna bury her.
- Are you crazy?
- I'm not leaving her out here.
- I'll go to the barn
and get a shovel.
- Do you want me to help you?
- No.
I'll get Ronnie.
- Ronnie.
Ronnie?
- Forget it, I'll just,
I'll go to the barn
and get the shovel myself.
Just lock the doors?
- Jesus, what the hell?
- Oh god, I'm so sorry, I
thought y--that somebody
was following me.
- Yeah, I was following
you, didn't think
you'd try to k*ll me for it.
- Something happened to Lori.
- What happened?
- Her skull was crushed in.
- How bad of an argument
did you guys have?
- It wasn't me, you idiot.
- Oh, an accident.
Don't worry, I'll
corroborate the story,
but you let me keep Nicole.
- There's something so wrong
with you, you know that?
- Yeah.
- Look, don't tell the girls
this, but I don't think
it was an animal, I
think she was m*rder*d.
Something bashed
her, her skull in.
- f*ck me.
- Look I need your help,
come with me, I ...
I need you to help
bury the body.
- Cool.
- Where the hell have you been?
- I was burying
Lori, you know that.
- Not you, him.
- I was with Monroe.
- How did you know
where Monroe was?
- I saw him leaving the barn?
- The girls didn't
tell you where I was?
- So?
- When we came back from the
woods after finding Lori,
where were you?
- I was here?
- I called for you,
you didn't answer.
- I was out back.
- Ronnie, what were
you doing out there?
- Clearing my head?
- Well you didn't
hear Lori screaming?
- Of course I heard her
scream, half of Maine
heard her scream, I just figured
she was yelling at Monroe.
- What's out there?
Is it really a wolf?
- Monroe thinks it's a k*ller.
I mean a k*ller wolf,
as we've clearly seen,
with the wolfy fangs.
- You think Lori was m*rder*d?
- It just didn't look
like an animal did that.
- So you think Lamont
was m*rder*d, too?
- I don't know I'm,
I'm still trying
to put all the pieces together.
- We have to call the sheriff.
- With what phone?
What if we go to a
neighbor's house?
- Good idea!
- Nicole, wait, wait!
- Can someone help us?!
Please!
- Shh, shh, have you seen the
people in this town, Nicole?
- Can anyone help us?!
What's wrong with these people?
- I have no idea.
- Don't you think it's
strange that of this
is happening where
Stephen King lives?
- What was Lori wearing
before she left?
- God, not now Ronnie.
- No no, when we buried her,
she had on a sailor cap,
did she have that on before?
- What the f*ck
does that have to do
with anything, you pervert?
- If you would just listen
to me, you would learn
that in the Stephen
King short story
The Man Who Loved Flowers,
a character wearing
a sailor top was
k*lled with a hammer.
- Lori wasn't
wearing a sailor top.
- How do you know she
was k*lled with a hammer?
- Guys, this is my girlfriend
you're talking about.
- Well technically,
ex-girlfriend.
- Look stop, I didn't say
Lori was k*lled with a hammer,
I just said that
the character was,
and her head was
crushed like it.
- Her head was crushed?
- Ronnie, you're not helping.
- Okay, well,
what about Lamont?
- What about Lamont,
what about Lamont,
did a character get k*lled
by an animal in what,
Stephen King's 210th novel?
- Well, wolves do k*ll
the kid in The Stand.
- Ronnie!
- You're right, he
was under the control
of the Dark Man,
Randall Flagg.
- Ronnie.
- Look, how did Lamont die?
- You are being morbid.
- Just tell me how he died!
- f*ck you, Ronnie.
- You want to know
how Lamont died?
He got torn limb from
limb in the minivan,
and they found pieces of
him in the front seat,
pieces of him in the
back seat, and whoever
or whatever did this took
his head along with him,
are you happy?
- Oh my god.
- Wait, if he was torn apart,
how do you know it was him?
- I saw his arm, the
one with the tattoo.
- Wait, his arm was severed?
- Yeah it was, at the
shoulder, like a chicken wing.
- Jesus Christ, Monroe.
- No, he wants to know,
so I'm telling him.
- I don't wanna know.
- I think it should
have been ripped off.
- That's enough!
I'm not listening
to any more of this!
- Was his arm cut
apart, or torn off?
Was the flesh ripped or sliced?
Ooo, were there bite marks?
- I'm not having
any more of this
conversation with you, okay?
- Then how do we know
it was an animal?
If his arm was sliced, then
somebody, not something
did this to him, and your
suspicions might be right.
We could all be
in serious danger.
- Don't you think two
of our friends dying
qualifies us for serious danger?
- No, not just serious danger.
Stephen King danger.
I think Lamont was
cut apart by a k*ller
with a very sharp knife,
and his body parts
strewn about the car, just
like in Strawberry Spring,
from the King
collection Night Shift.
They couldn't find
his head, either.
- For crying out loud
Ronnie, why would anyone
try to k*ll us?
- Oh my god, that's it.
- What's it?
- Crying out loud
That's it, crying out loud.
Did you notice anything
odd about this town?
- Well besides the fact that
people keep getting k*lled?
- Yeah.
Like the fact that it's
disturbingly quiet?
- This is ridiculous.
- Is it?
Think about it.
Everyone in this town
is always whispering.
The warden telling
us not to have fun?
The ambulance drove by
with no sirens blaring.
- I bet you Lamont was
playing his radio all loud
and he got capped 'cuz of it.
- And Lori was so mad at me.
- Mad?
She was yelling all over
the place, calling you
an as*h*le, screaming
at the top of her lungs.
Which I'm guessing didn't
make the k*ller very happy.
- Why would anyone k*ll
just to shut people up?
You need to stop
hanging out with him.
Hey, Nicole?
Hey Hil, Hilary.
Just keep your voice down.
Just in case.
- Hilary, please tell me
you know what's going on.
- I wish I did, but I don't.
- Do you think
we're safe in here?
- I don't know if
we're safe anywhere.
- But we're still safer
inside than out, right?
- I think so.
Why don't you take a shower?
I'll watch the door.
Hush...
- Whoa, whoa, what
happened, what's going on?
- Is everyone alright?
- I saw something outside.
I can't be here anymore,
I'm not safe here anymore.
- It'll be okay.
Monroe will protect us.
He's a w*r veteran.
Shhh...
- Oh, Jesus, what the f*ck?
- Ronnie?
It's okay.
Just Ronnie.
- What the hell are
you doing out here?
- I was taking a leak.
- You were watching me
shower, weren't you?
- No, I was taking a leak.
- You come near
me again, and I'll
claw your f*cking eyes out.
- You're disgusting.
- I was taking a leak.
- Well, it's better to
have a pervert out there
instead of a k*ller, right?
- I still don't want to
be trapped in this house.
I feel like we're sitting ducks.
I wonder if we can make
it to the boat easily.
- Shh, shh, shh, what's
the matter, why does
everyone keep screaming?
- Lamont's head is
in a window sill.
- What?
- Where's Ronnie?
- What happened?
- You stay the
f*ck away from us.
- What is with your
family and stabbing me?
- Where were you just now?
- In the bathroom, where
I just came out of.
- I thought you took
a leak in the woods.
- Okay.
You got me.
I was watching Nicole shower.
- I'm going to vomit.
- You don't leave our sight
again, do you understand?
Stop doing that!
- Are we just gonna
leave his head out there?
- We can bury it tomorrow.
- I'm sure as hell
not gonna touch it.
- Just wait 'til tomorrow
morning and we can
find the sheriff, okay?
- Hey Lover Boy, why don't
you join us down here?
Everyone floats.
Down here, we all float.
Soul fist, redrum!
- What is it, what's wrong?
- Where's Nicole?
- God, you're kidding me.
- She's probably still
asleep in her bed.
- What, with that
head in the window?
Nicole!
Nicole!
- You don't think she
went for the boat, do you?
- Why the boat?
- She thought it would be safer.
- Oh, god.
What?
Oh, f*ck, the
front door is open.
Come on Ronnie, let's
go, it'll be safer
if we go together.
- It'll be safer
if we stay in here.
- Ronnie.
- Or we could all go together.
- She started the boat.
- I don't see her.
- Me either.
Oh my god, I can't
believe she left us.
- Oh god, no she didn't.
Nicole?
- Beach World.
The main character ends
up going on a planet
filled with sand and ends
up shoving piles of sand
down his throat.
- You did this to her.
- Hilary.
- You're never around
when any of them die.
Or when Lamont's head showed up.
- Not around, I was in the
cabin when Nicole died.
- Were you?
Because I'm pretty
sure I fell asleep.
Were you awake the
whole night, huh?
- I think I fell asleep
for a little while.
- Long enough for
you to k*ll Nicole.
- This--you gotta be kidding me.
Monroe.
- You come near me, I will
stab you in the throat.
Is that in any of
your f*cking books?
- You believe me I mean,
whoever k*lled Nicole
took the boat and drove
off, you saw that.
- I told you not
to leave our sight.
- Yeah, but it's not like--
- I told you not
to leave our sight.
- You need help with that?
- No.
This doesn't look
good for you, Ronnie.
- I can't believe you
think I k*lled our friends.
- Friends?
You hated Lamont.
- Well not as much as
I hate other people,
so that puts him in
my friend category.
- She's right.
You're never around
when they die.
- Neither are you guys.
- Yes, but we've
always been together
whenever the killings occur.
- So maybe you're
both the K*llers.
I mean, why would I k*ll
Nicole, out of all people?
- To bring some sick
fantasy to life.
- I was asleep next
to you, you think your
Army Power Ranger
senses would detect
someone moving around.
- Everything fits.
- Everything does not fit.
- You read all those
Stephen King books.
- So what, I also
watch a lot of porn,
you don't see me f*cking
Tori Black, do you?
- Get in my f*cking p*ssy, yeah!
- Okay, not that I
wouldn't if I could,
so probably not
the best example.
- I think I believe him.
- Of course, who
wouldn't f*ck Tori Black?
- Oh my god Ronnie, I think I
believe you're not the k*ller.
- Oh, thank you.
- Why would he k*ll them,
what does he have to gain?
- Like I said, to bring some
sick Stephen King fantasy
into his boring,
pathetic life.
- Look, I know he's pathetic.
And disgusting,
and perverted--
- Hey, sitting right here, okay?
By the way, it's that
kind of mean-spirited talk
that turns people
into serial K*llers.
- Yeah, and it's comments
like that, that are not
helping your situation.
Alright, how are we
gonna settle this?
- Club him over the head and
wait for the sheriff to arrive.
- Well, we're not getting a
unanimous vote on that one.
- All we need is a majority.
- Alright, enough.
We'll just watch each other
until the sheriff arrives.
- What if the
sheriff never comes?
- What if the
sheriff's the k*ller?
- What if you're the k*ller?
- Then Lamont would have
been the first to go.
- Look, assuming it's not
Ronnie, which I might,
perhaps, maybe believe--
- Might perhaps maybe?
- Then who are
the other options?
- I don't know, what about
the creepy pedophile guy
at the marina, or the
creepy waitress, or anyone
in this town prefaced
with with the word creepy?
- I guess there's the
game warden that we saw
on the lake yesterday.
- Yeah, the creepy game warden!
He probably took the boat.
I mean, anyone in this
town could be the k*ller.
Anyone.
- Who knows?
Maybe just living in
this q*eer little town
with nothing to do is enough
to drive somebody crazy.
- All work and no play
makes Jack a dull boy.
- Apparently someone really
wants it quiet around here.
- If he's telling the truth,
and I'm not saying he is,
but if he is, that means
someone else is out there.
- Yeah that's true, we
need to protect ourselves.
You know if there's
anything that I learned
when I was in Iraq--
- Iraq?
I thought you were a line cook.
- Yes, so was Steven
Segal in Under Siege,
do you doubt him?
I was a line cook in a
Ranger regiment, okay?
- Great, we can k*ll
him with your lasagna.
- Okay, regardless.
The best defense
is a good offense.
- Monroe's right.
We have to catch him.
- We need to set a trap, we
need to attract him in some way.
We need to come up with
some plan that would appeal
to his sick and
twisted imagination.
- I know.
Let's set something up out
of a Stephen King story.
- Oh, why didn't
I think of that?
- Because you have a tiny brain.
- Actually, if he's
trying to k*ll us
using identical murders
from King novels...
- He'll love the simplicity
of having it set up for him.
- I gotta admit, it's
a pretty good idea.
Can you come up with
anything better?
- We need to use your
grandparents' Stephen King library.
- Why do our grandparents
have a Stephen King library?
- How long is this
gonna take, Ronnie?
- I think I got it.
You guys remember Last
Rung on the Ladder
in King's Night Shift?
I feel sad for people like you.
It's a story about
a brother and sister
who climb a ladder
to go to a barn?
- Well that's a good start.
- The sister climbs up the
ladder, she gets stuck,
dangling on the top rung.
- I'm not throwing
myself off a ladder.
- No no no, the brother
ends up saving her life
by putting hay at the bottom.
- So, no one dies?
- Well, when she
grows up she ends up
throwing herself off a building.
- I'm not dangling
from a ladder.
- Look, you don't have to.
We don't have to be
completely accurate.
Just trust me, I'm
not gonna let anything
happen to you, okay?
Alright, here's the plan.
We're gonna go in the
barn, you're gonna
climb up the hayloft,
start making lots of noise,
start pushing things
around, pretend like
you're looking for something--
- Sing, scream, then he'll
have to come get you.
- How do you know it's a he?
- Or a she.
- Ronnie, is there something
you're not telling us?
- No!
90 percent of serial
K*llers are Caucasian men
between 25 and 35 years of age.
- And don't you fall
into that category?
- Don't you?
- Hil!
Guys.
I don't care if it's a
he, or a she, or an It.
- Oh god, not the clown.
- We're gonna go into the barn.
We're going to hide, and
when the k*ller comes out,
I'm going to stab him.
- What, no!
- No?
- I mean, if we k*ll him,
we're no better than he is.
Look, maybe he needs help.
Maybe he was hit by a car and
hasn't been the same since.
Look, whoever did this
doesn't deserve to die.
Great!
Alright, let's go.
What now?
- It's not that we don't
trust you, it's uh,
it's just that--
- We don't trust you.
You already told us how
to catch the k*ller so,
if you're not him, you should
have nothing to worry about.
- Yeah, except the maniacal
maniac on the loose!
- I'm willing to bet that if
you're tied to that chair,
the k*ller never shows up.
- Really.
Now you're willing to
bet your life on it?
- Get the rope.
- Hey wait a second,
it's not my fault
that Jean-Claude van Suck
over here f*cked up again.
- Sit in the chair, Ronnie.
- Okay, look, I didn't
mean it, I didn't mean it.
I'm sure you didn't mean
to get your platoon k*lled.
- Sit in the god
damn chair, Ronnie.
- Okay, just not too
tight, I don't want to
have any circula--
I want my apology
steak medium well,
smothered in a grilled
I'm sorry onion, ow!
- Shut, up, Ronnie.
- No wait.
I know who the k*ller is!
Ow!
It's Stephen King.
The k*ller is Stephen King.
No, I'm serious,
it really is--
- You're an idiot.
- Mmmph, hmmph!
- What?
- Just climb the ladder and
wait for my signal, okay?
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
Don't worry, sis.
The old Monroe is back.
Go on.
Hush...
- Come on!
Come on, where are you?
I know you're here!
Quiet...
Where are
you, come on already!
- sh*t sh*t sh*t sh*t Hilary!
Hilary watch out!
Hilary, he's coming!
Hilary!
- Noooo!
I'm gonna f*cking k*ll you!
I don't care who you are!
I'm gonna f*cking k*ll you!
- I never read any of the books.
But I bet you never
expected this ending.
- AHHHH!
- What the f*ck, Ronnie?
- I'm sorry, Monroe.
I just can't let you
k*ll Stephen King.
- He k*lled all of our
friends, you as*h*le.
- Well then,
we'll turn him in.
At least he can keep
writing from jail.
Monroe, please, stay away,
you're scaring me, okay?
- I'm not gonna hurt you.
- Please stay away.
- I'm gonna bash your
brains right the f*ck in.
A shovel?
Really?
You hit me with a
f*cking shovel, Ronnie?
- I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
- You are a disgrace!
You are a disgrace to your unit!
You are a disgrace to your Army!
You, Lieutenant,
are a disgrace
to the United States of America!
Come here, Private.
Where are you, you
little shitbag?!
You little maggot!
Where you hiding?
Hello?!
I'm gonna get you!
I'm gonna find you!
Where's Ronnie?
Fire in the hole!
- Incoming!
Broken arrow, broken arrow!
- We're taking fire,
our new coordinates
are November, Delta,
five six six niner!
- Get the medic!
Goose is down,
goose is down!
- We're taking fire!
I know what you're trying to
do, but it's not gonna work!
Hilary was right.
You are so pathetic.
- Shhhh....
- Enjoy, folks.
- Can you tell us where
Stephen King lives?
- Sorry to disappoint
you kids, but uh,
he doesn't live here.
Isn't that right, Dale?
- That's right, Dee Dee,
hasn't been here in years.
? School kids,
laughing away
♪ With not much to say
♪ No worries, no
responsibilities
♪ And they were so young
♪ Two kids finding their way
♪ Through love and through pain
♪ Discovering what
it is to breathe life
♪ And they were so young
♪ Those kids have
ones of their own
♪ Look to build a home
♪ And everything
that encompasses it ♪
- We have a nice quiet
town around here.
Do I make myself clear?
Consider yourselves warned.
? Now I'm drifting away
♪ With no more to say
♪ Then suddenly now do I realize
♪ We are so young
♪
♪
♪
♪
Welcome to our World! Where we serve you cookies to ensure you get the best viewing experience on our site.
Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?
Register or sign in here: ucp.php?mode=register
Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?
Register or sign in here: ucp.php?mode=register
You Can't k*ll Stephen King (2012)
Moderators: Maskath3, GabrielAlejo2341, sidolanters