Omicron k*ller, The (2024)

[bunniefuu]

(dark music)

(sinister music)

(door creaks)

(water flowing)

(sinister music continues)

- [Pippen] Will, take the shot!

Take the f*cking shot!

(g*n firing)

- [Reporter] Well, New

York, it's a great day.

The Covid k*ller is dead.

He was shot by Detective Will Jordan.

But the bad news is the

Copycat Covid k*ller

is still out there,

and he's much more of a vicious

k*ller than Covid ever was.

He doesn't only k*ll at night.

He kills in broad daylight.

So please stay inside and lock your doors.

(uneasy music)

- So this is a bit of

interesting news this morning.

Today is the one year anniversary

of the Covid k*ller's death.

And it seems that the

Covid k*ller has built up

quite the fan base in

the year since his death.

He is currently trending

all over social media.

I guess he got what he wanted, notoriety.

Too bad I can't say the same

about the Copycat Covid k*ller.

No one has spoken a word

about that guy since,

well, right now.

(organs squelching)

In other news, the new Omicron

variant is on the rise.

So when you get the chance,

please get vaccinated

so we can get this pandemic under control.

Speaking of vaccines, you

should also get your flu shot.

The holidays are coming up

and you sure don't want to get sick

and miss all the good food

your family and friends are cooking up.

I sure don't.

(dark music)

(men speaking indistinctly)

- Hey!

What do we got here?

(laughs)

An albino gorilla.

(laughs)

- Take out your wallet

and give me all the money

you've got in your pockets, man.

(uneasy music)

- What the f*ck is wrong with you?

I think he's Ret*rded.

- Hey, we don't need to

be politically incorrect.

We don't say ret*rd. We

say mentally challenged.

- I don't give a f*ck what he is.

As long as he gives us his f*ck' money.

- Yeah, white boy.

Give us your money so you can leave.

- Yeah, you could be on your way.

To the zoo 'cause you're

a filthy f*ck' animal!

(laughs)

- You think this is a f*ck' game?

You mad that I knocked down your candy?

(intense music)

- Oh, sh*t!

- What the f*ck was that?!

- Holy sh*t, bro!

Holy sh*t, man! You see that?

Let's go do this, man!

(man groaning)

(crowbar clangs)

(man groans)

Oh, sh*t!

Oh!

(bat thumping)

(dramatic music)

- So, what's going on here?

- Well, from what I can gather,

it looks like these three gentlemen

tried to rob that individual over there

and they were unsuccessful.

- Huh.

Unsuccessful is an understatement.

- To say the least.

- So did Doughboy over there

supply you with this information

or did you just Sherlock Holmes this sh*t?

- Come on, Cap.

You know we Sherlock Holmes this sh*t.

We're the dynamic dual.

- So has the victim spoken at all yet?

- Not a word.

Think he's in shock?

- He's in shock?

Right.

Okay.

Okay.

Take that man to the hospital

and take the three stooges

here to the morgue.

Oh, and be sure that you send an officer

to keep an an eye on

El Gigante over there.

Well, there's something

about this whole scenario

that rubs me the wrong way.

So what's this?

- I don't know.

Those items were just lying on the ground

when we got to the scene.

Do you think they're relevant to the case?

- What do you think?

- I don't know.

- Everything is relevant to a

crime scene, my dear Watson.

Everything!

Bring these items to

my office immediately!

Ugh.

(dramatic music)

(dramatic music continues)

- Yeah, hold on.

Yeah, wait.

Kayla, your count.

- We have a slight bump on down. Ready?

(uneasy music)

- Hey, don't touch.

You're only going to aggravate it.

- Damn, girl.

If looks could k*ll, you'd be dead.

- Be nice.

You just relax, okay?

And everything's fine.

(uneasy music continues)

- So this is it?

- Yes.

- You never told us how he k*lled her.

Why?

- What do you mean why?

He's a serial k*ller.

They k*ll anybody.

- Not always.

- He was mad at my grandma

just because he bumped

into her in a gas station

and she called him stupid.

- So you've seen him?

- Yes.

- Cool.

- I called him stupid too

because he was big, mean, and ugly!

- So how did he k*ll her?

- One night he followed her home.

She forgot to lock the door

and then he bashed her

head with a big hammer!

- Dang. That's messed up.

But don't worry, Bobby.

The cops will get that son a of a b*tch.

- Excuse me, young man.

Do you think you should be cursing?

- Mind your damn business, lady!

- Really?

This is my place of business.

Get the f*ck outta here!

(thunder crashes)

(laughs)

(crows cawing)

(eerie music)

(dramatic music)

(Edie chanting)

- At the stroke of midnight

when the blood moon's bright,

casting the wickedest spell,

summoning the Covid k*ller from Hell.

The resurrection has

begun for the unholy one!

- [Cultists] Unholy one!

- You paid the price with

your bloody sacrifice.

Chanting from the book,

suddenly the earth shook.

When the rituals is done,

we will have some fun.

Here is where evil dwells

in the deepest of all wells!

- [Cultists] In the deepest of all wells!

- Later on in the dead of night,

this pentagram shall

resurrect the Covid k*ller

by the blood moon's light!

- [Cultists] By the blood moon's light!

(Edie chanting)

(dramatic music continues)

(uneasy music)

- So how are we doing today?

Allow me to introduce myself.

I'm Dr. Frueger.

I'm your primary physician

here at St. Mary's Hospital.

Your name is

John Doe.

Huh.

Seems we have no information

on you whatsoever.

We can start with your name.

What's your name?

How am I supposed to treat you, Mr. Doe,

if I don't know anything about

you or your medical history?

Huh?

I understand now what I'm dealing with.

Good day, Mr. Doe.

Nurse will be in here shortly.

(door shuts)

- Hello.

- Hello.

How are you doing?

- Oh, I'm exhausted. Lotta work.

- I know the feeling well.

You're beautiful.

- Oh.

- So how old are you?

- It's impolite to ask

a lady how old are they.

- That is true.

- I'm ageless.

10 years from now I'm still

going to be look like this.

(Detective Rod laughs)

Can you give me something?

- What would you like?

- I like black coffee.

Strong, strong, strong.

Black coffee.

- Anything else?

- Yes.

I love surprises.

- Surprise coming right up.

- Yeah, take your time.

You have all the time in the world. Go!

- I will take my time.

- Go, Go!

(uneasy music)

(toilet flushing)

(Copycat shaking)

- Shh.

Relax, relax.

Relax.

Relax.

I sense something off with you.

You're different.

But our world is beautiful

because we're all different.

How was your childhood?

Your parents loved you?

It's okay.

Somehow I understand you're perfect.

Your pain.

But now you're safe.

You're in a safe place.

I will take good care of you, okay?

You just relax.

Trust me.

(dramatic music)

- What's up, Ma?

- Oh.

Yeah.

Yeah, anybody here heard

from Will Jordan recently?

- Nope.

- You know I don't speak to Will anymore.

- Yeah, yeah, I know that.

But have you at least seen him

in the last couple of days?

- No. Why?

- Well, because he hasn't reported to work

for the past few days and

nobody's heard from him.

- Well, if we hear from

him, we'll let you know.

- Okay.

- I'm assuming that's for me.

- Oh, yeah.

Take these items to forensics

and have them analyze

them for fingerprints.

- Okay.

- Oh, there's one more thing.

- What?

- You guys are now permanent.

- What do you mean permanent?

- Meaning that you are permanent partners.

- Awesome!

- I mean, come on.

You've been partners on

and off for like a year.

I mean, this guy has

been all over the place.

I think he's partnered with

every cop in this precinct.

- I wonder why.

Because I'm cool.

- Yeah, right.

Well, the higher ups are tired of you

ping ponging all over the place,

so you guys are officially hitched.

Hey, congratulations!

- Thank you, Captain, and

congratulations to you too.

- Get the f*ck outta here, Healy.

- Healy, come on.

Where's your other glove?

- I need two?

(machine beeping)

- Stop babying him, Nancy.

- But he needs help.

- He always needs help.

Let me deal with it.

What seems to be the problem, Mr. Doe?

Three days and you still can't speak.

What am I supposed to do?

Guess what it is that you want?

What's that?

Oh, you want strawberries, huh?

Well, strawberries it is.

Everything's coming up strawberries.

Strawberries.

Yum, yum, yum.

Yum, yum, yum.

Strawberries.

(Dr. Frueger grunting)

Strawberries.

- Everything okay in there, doctor?

- Yes, yes.

Everything's fine.

Go to sleep, quiet one.

Better to sleep than to weep.

Sweet nightmares, Mr. Doe.

Sweet nightmares.

(rain falling)

- I'd trip him so that when he falls,

I could jump on top of him

and bash his head with his hammer.

- Are you freaking nuts?

That's stupid.

- No, it's not.

It's a great plan.

- You really think you're

gonna k*ll this guy?

You're like eight years

old. You can't do this.

- Why not?

- Well, for one, k*lling is wrong.

Even if he is a bad guy.

And two, you're a kid.

Copycat's a big guy.

- He'd squash you like a bug!

- Plus, how are you gonna find him?

You don't know where he lives.

- I don't, but I've seen

him one time at the cemetery

where my grandma's at.

He was in the back staring at a tombstone.

When he left, I went

over to the tombstone.

It was the Covid k*ller's tombstone!

So you guys are not gonna help me?

- We'll help you, Bobby.

- What? Are you loco?

- But not to k*ll him. To trap him.

Then we'll call the police.

(chilling music)

(chilling music continues)

(person laughing)

(person laughing)

(person laughing)

(person laughing)

One, two crazy clowns comin' for you

Three, four, you better lock your door

I know, I know. It's not my song.

Copyrights.

But I got my own song.

f*ck you, Freddy.

You can't hide and you can't run

'Cause Krazy Klowny

wants to have some fun

Chopping and grinding to the bone

I'm not ET, you can't phone home

Oh, you don't like the atmosphere?

How 'bout a change of scenery?

(intense music)

Now I lay you down to bed

Before I cut off your bloody head

It's Krazy Klowny time, kids!

You think I need that ax to k*ll you?

(laughs)

That's just for show.

All I need are these bare hands.

(Copycat grunts)

(Krazy Klowny laughs)

(ax clangs)

(crowbar clangs)

I lied.

I did need the ax.

(Copycat screams)

(Krazy Klowny laughs)

(Copycat coughing)

- Are you okay?!

Relax.

I told you you're safe here!

Just breathe, please.

Told you I'm taking care of you.

Don't worry.

- Oh, look, it's Beauty and the Beast.

But don't let anyone ever

call you Beast, Nancy.

(Lori laughs)

- Doctor, be nice.

- For a guy who can't speak,

you sure have a way with the ladies.

What do you say, Nurse Lori?

Is he also your type?

- No. I don't do ugly.

- Unlike you, Mr. Doe.

(bone cracks)

(Dr. Frueger groans)

I dabble in pain.

- Doctor!

- Nance!

Stay in your f*ck' lane.

(Dr. Frueger groans)

Nurse Lori, can you please get someone

to clean up Mr. Doe's restroom?

Looks like he sh*t himself

again and left it everywhere.

- Right away, Dr. Frueger.

Oh!

You're a disgusting piece of garbage.

- Shh.

It's okay. It's okay.

Shh.

Shh.

- Hey, go see what your

boy did in the bathroom.

- No, not again.

Damn, boy, what'd you eat?

Wanna tell me something?

What's up?

(upbeat music)

- What's the deal with the Kit Kat?

- I like it.

- You like it?

- Yeah, it makes for a good combination

with the Simply Lemonade.

- What's the deal, Ma?

I know you didn't call us here

to talk about your two favorite snacks.

- Well, sorta.

The print analysis for my

new favorite snacks is ready.

So cross reference them

with the three amigos

from the crime scene.

- Okay, I could do that.

Anything else?

I'm good, Ma. Thank you.

I'll see you later.

(Healy sighs)

What are you doing?

- Hey.

Your mom's a real funny lass.

- Yeah, she's a real f*ck' comedian.

(intense music)

(Copycat screams)

- What are you doing?

Get your Sasquatch a*s off the-

(neck cracks)

- What the f*ck do you

think you're doing, huh?!

(Copycat screams)

(jaunty music)

Well I asked my woman what could I do

To give her happy the

whole night through

She said the only

thing I want from you

Is a little, little

bit of your big bamboo

She likes a big, big bamboo

Bamboo

Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay

Working for the Yankee dollar

When I give my woman some sugar cane

Sweet for my sweet, I did explain

She give it back, to my surprise

She said she like

flavor but not the size

She likes a big, big bamboo

Bamboo

Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay

- We got the prints.

- Okay, and?

- There are two fingerprints

on the evidence items.

The first one is unknown,

which I'm assuming belongs

to the guy who survived

because they don't match

any of the three dead guys

from the crime scene.

Now brace yourself, Ma, because

the second print is a doozy.

- All right, come on, let it out.

This ain't a f*ck' game show.

- The second print belongs to Will Jordan.

- Will Jordan?

- Yep.

- Holy cow.

How?

Okay.

Go to Will's apartment right now.

- Okay.

- And Brock.

- [Brock] What?

- Hurry.

- They don't call me

the Flash for nothing.

- Yeah, then go, vamoose!

(eerie music)

- [Brock] Get in.

- Oh, sh**t.

Hey, Brock!

You're gonna wanna come see this!

(intense music)

(organs squelching)

- You know Will and I didn't

always see eye to eye,

but he was my friend.

- I was hanging out

with him two weeks ago.

- I know you guys had your differences,

but me and Will, we were cool, man.

- We gotta get this

Copycat son of a b*tch.

- Copycat? What are you talking about?

I thought the guy in

the hospital did this.

- The guy in the hospital is Copycat.

- Oh.

You think?

- Healy.

Call my mom.

Tell her about Will.

I'm gonna comb the room.

- Okay. But do you have a comb?

- What?

- I said, do you have a comb?

To comb the apartment?

- Healy, call my mom!

- Oh, okay.

Hello, Captain?

This is Healy.

- Yeah, yeah. Did you find Jordan?

- Yeah, we found him.

- Oh, good. How's he doing?

- He's dead.

- What?

- He's dead.

- Oh.

- Hello, Cap?

Cap?

- Yeah, yeah.

- What do you want us to do?

- Go directly to St. Mary's Hospital.

I got an officer stationed

outside that psychopath's door.

I'm gonna tell him to wait

there until you guys get there

and arrest Copycat.

- Okay, Cap.

- And hurry!

- Cap said-

- To head straight to St. Mary's Hospital.

- How'd you know that?

- Because that's where Copycat is.

- Oh, yeah.

- Hey.

(dramatic music)

- Dispatch.

Dispatch, this is

Detective Brock Callahan.

Please warn Detective Rod

that the patient that he is guarding

is in fact the Copycat Covid k*ller.

Tell him to do not engage.

I repeat do not engage.

He is very dangerous.

Yes, tell him to wait for backup.

Wait for backup. Do not engage.

- Look who it is, Mulder and Scully.

- sh*t. LOL.

- What, you lost so many brain cells

you speak in acronyms now?

- You think you're a funny guy, Brock,

but this crazy Mexican

don't take from a Boricua.

I ain't no punk a*s b*tch.

- [Blake] Hey, chill out.

- Excuse me, George Lopez.

I got a case to solve

and a k*ller to catch.

- Bendejo Flash.

- What's her deal? She dead too?

- She's just unconscious.

I was just gonna try-

(Nancy screams)

- Where the f*ck?!

- Wake her.

- [Nancy] Who are you?

- You okay?

- Yeah, I'm okay.

But he just k*lled her.

- [Brock] Yeah, I noticed that.

But what happened to Detective Rod?

- [Nancy] I don't know.

- [Blake] I think I found him.

- Damn!

- Talk about having a bad day.

- [Brock] Everybody around this guy died.

- [Blake] Except for her.

- Frueger.

Dr. Frueger.

- What?

- He is after Dr. Frueger.

- Who the f*ck is Dr. Frueger?

- Dr. Frueger!

His doctor!

(phone ringing)

His doctor! Dr. Frueger!

- [Brock] Go get her! Go after her!

- I got her!

Hey, get over here!

(phone ringing)

- Okay, what's the story?

- We got here too late.

He's gone.

He k*lled Detective Rod and a nurse.

- m*therf*cker!

- Damn, she got away!

- Grab Blake and Sanchez

and come straight here.

- All right.

- Holy sh*t.

Wanna see a real crime scene,

you gotta check out the bathroom.

- More bodies?

- Nope. There's sh*t everywhere.

Looks like a giant's a*s exploded.

- He's not just a serial k*ller.

He's also a toilet bowl k*ller too.

- Give us a moment, please.

Thank you.

Everybody come in and take a seat.

Healy, close the door.

Okay.

Healy.

Sit the f*ck down.

The reason I called you here

is because this Copycat

Covid k*ller bullshit

has got to stop.

It's gotten outta hand.

I mean, on top of this lunatic

walking around k*lling people,

including two of our own,

well, now we got a weird bunch of people

that are calling

themselves the Covid Cult.

- The Covid Cult?

- Yeah. Yeah.

This organization's sole purpose

is to resurrect the Covid k*ller.

- Come on, Cap.

I know you don't believe

in all that stuff.

- f*ck no.

But I know that there are people

out there that do believe.

If we don't put a stop to this,

they are gonna start

influencing these people

into committing a lot

of crimes to the point

where we won't have the

manpower to stop them.

This is where you guys come in.

I want Healy and Brock to

stay on the Copycat case

as the lead detectives.

And I want Blake and Sanchez

to stay on the Covid Cult investigation.

Any questions?

- I'm good. Can I leave?

- You two can.

Blake and Sanchez stay.

So...

- What's up, Cap?

- We got a tip that this cult

has been spending a lot of

time at St. Michael's Cemetery,

right next to the grave

of the Covid k*ller.

If you could catch these individuals,

we could charge them with

desecration of a grave site

and put an end to this whole fiasco.

- Sounds like a plan.

- Go get those guys.

- We got this, Cap.

(energetic music)

- Welcome back to another exciting episode

of "Late Night with Graham and Edie."

I'm your host, Graham Jones.

- And I'm Edie Carmichael.

- And we have a lot of exciting

news you don't want to miss.

But first, the m*rder rate is

on the rise in New York State.

I bet you thought that

when the Covid k*ller died

that the murders would stop.

Well, you thought wrong.

Just as there's a new

variant of the Covid virus,

there's also a new variant

of the Covid k*ller.

This is a new Copycat Covid k*ller.

The Copycat Covid k*ller is

much like the Omicron variant

in many ways.

Much weaker, pathetic, and ineffective.

The Copycat Covid k*ller.

I mean, what a joke,

to steal another serial k*ller's identity.

So pathetic.

- I know. Serial K*llers

in general are pathetic.

They only do it for the attention.

But to copy another serial k*ller?

That's just pitiful.

- I know, like, get your

own identity, you big idiot!

(laughs)

- [Edie] Well, in other news,

another serial k*ller causing mayhem

in the streets of New York

is the infamous Clown k*ller,

who once again butchered

an old man walking home.

(eerie music)

- Cool mask.

You like skeletons?

Okay.

That'll be $10.80.

Do you want your change?

You don't talk much, do you?

as*h*le.

(eerie music)

(car starts)

- [Healy] Wow, what a great funeral.

Right, Jimmy?

- Yeah, but nobody calls me that anymore.

- Yeah, I know.

But since it's a special occasion,

I figured maybe we can call each other

by the nicknames we had when we first met.

You, me, and Will.

- Okay, Bagels.

(Healy laughs)

- That's the spirit, Jimmy.

I knew I'd get a smile outta you.

- Pull over. I wanna show you something.

- Okay.

Wow.

Is this for us?

- Yeah.

I wanna make a toast in

memory of a Will B. S. Jordan.

- A non-alcoholic toast?

- Well, we are two recovering alcoholics.

- This is true.

- You see that?

That's peace.

Will used to bring me here

all the time and tell me that.

I never knew what he

meant by that until now.

- Well, now he's resting in peace.

You know, you never told me

why Will and you stopped talking.

- He filed a report against me,

claiming I was a corrupt, r*cist cop.

- What?

Why would he do that?

- It was a misunderstanding.

This happened during the summer

of the Covid k*ller Fiasco.

We got a report on the radio

that a woman was being mugged

on Zerega Avenue in the Bronx.

My partner and I were in the

area, so we checked it out.

When we get there, there's a woman there,

she's pointing at a man

and she's screaming,

"The Covid k*ller! The Covid k*ller!"

so we chased after the guy

and we apprehended him.

Will Jordan, super cop,

arrives on the scene

and thinks we're profiling

the perp because he's black.

- [Healy] Get the hell outta here.

- I will admit that I did

use an unnecessary amount

of excessive force.

But you gotta understand,

we were under a lot of

pressure from Mayor de Blasio

to catch the Covid k*ller

by any means necessary.

Those were his exact words.

It didn't help that my stupid

a*s drunk druggie partner

was wearing a MAGA hat when

Will arrived on the scene.

You know what's funny?

- What?

- It wasn't even hers.

She took it off the perp and

put it on her head like a joke.

So Will arrests me and my

partner and lets the criminal go.

- He arrested you? Like with handcuffs?

- No, with f*ck' peanut butter.

Of course with handcuffs.

Anyway, you wouldn't

believe what happens next.

- What?

- [Brock] The real Covid

k*ller pops up outta nowhere.

- Dang.

- It was so weird.

He just appeared on

the scene like a ghost.

- What did Will do?

- Him and his partner chased

after the Covid k*ller.

That was that.

He never apologized to me.

That's the way Will was.

I'm sure he would

apologize to me eventually,

but he's never gonna get that chance now.

'Cause of this f*ck' Copycat.

- Don't worry, Brock.

We'll catch him.

We'll catch him.

- Voorhees?

- No, Bates.

- How you doing?

My name's Detective Blake.

That's my partner, Detective Sanchez.

We spoke over the phone.

- Yes, yes, right.

So you want to hear

about the the six weirdos

that were hanging around The

Covid k*ller's grave site?

- Yeah.

- Follow me.

(uneasy music)

But like I told you over the

phone, there's not much to say.

The other afternoon, I

was coming back early

from my lunch break and

I see these six people

leaving Victor's grave site

and they were all dressed up

in these matching hooded robes.

- Did you speak to them?

- No, they creeped me out and they left.

- Did you ever see 'em again?

- No.

- Look, behind you.

Look over there.

- Excuse me. Can we ask

you people some questions?

Hey, come back here!

- They're pretty fast.

- Or we're really slow.

- Man, I'm no spring chicken,

but what's your problem?

Let's get outta here, man.

(thunder crashes)

(eerie music)

- Looks like your boy

hero done sold us out.

- Okay, what does that f*ck' mean?

Okay, we paid him good f*ck'

money to keep his mouth shut.

- Oh, yeah.

Oops.

- What do you mean, "Oops?"

- I kind of forgot to pay him.

- Okay, wait a second.

Are you saying kinda, or you didn't?

- Well, I was about to go

pay that son of a b*tch,

but I forgot I hadn't

sharpened my kaiser blade.

- Steve. Oh my God.

Steven, you're f*ck'

sharpening your f*ck' blade.

What does that have anything to do

with paying f*ck' Harold?

- Well, I figured if things went south,

I might have to use it to cut him.

- What?

What do you mean?

What do you mean go south?

He's a groundskeeper.

He's not a f*ck' FBI agent!

And he's taken our money before.

- Don't call my blade stupid.

- What?

- I said don't you call-

- Oh. Oh, no. No, no, no, no.

No, I heard what f*cking you said,

but it's f*cking ridiculous.

In fact, you know what?

You can go f*ck' sharpen your

g*dd*mn motherfuckin' blade

and you can shove it up

your f*ck' redneck a*s!

- Oh, snap!

- b*tch.

- Your blade is stupid.

- All right, let's go.

Okay?

And next time we're coming at night

so we don't confront the fuzz.

(eerie music)

- Not this malarkey again.

- Same sh*t, different day.

(upbeat music)

- Hey, Nat.

- Hey, Bryan. You're here early today.

We got some new girls auditioning.

We just opened up.

Though it's just me.

I'll take care of you.

- No worries, Natasha.

Right now all I need is a drink.

- Don't worry, sweetie.

I got you.

Follow me.

- Oh, Natasha, I'll follow you anywhere.

- [Natasha] You're gassing me.

- Nah, you're hot.

- You tell that to all the girls.

- Well, every girl here is super hot.

- Oh, so now they're super hot.

What the f*ck am I, chopped liver?

- Come on, now. You know what I mean.

- Whatever, Bryan.

(upbeat music continues)

I'm just gonna go and shake

my non-super hot a*s on stage.

So, is that super hot

enough for you, Bryan?

- Of course, Nat. You're the sh*t.

- No. Horseshit.

- Look, look. Come on, Nat.

- Delicious, you're here!

Come here.

So this is the infamous Bryan.

I want you to take him back

and show him a good time.

- Oh, Bryan.

It will be my pleasure.

(upbeat music continues)

I've been waiting to tackle you, Bryan.

- Oh yeah? I bet you have.

- [Delicious] Yeah.

- Oh yeah. Come sit on Daddy's lap.

Right here.

All the girls say that

you have the biggest

wallet.

- Hey, yeah, yeah.

I have other big things too,

if you know what I mean.

- [Delicious] Oh, yeah?

- Yeah.

- Well, let's see.

You like it, big Daddy?

- Oh, yeah, Mami.

- Do you want me to turn around?

- Oh, hell yeah, Mami,

let me see that gorgeous face of yours.

- You're my little b*tch, right?

- Oh, yes.

I'm your b*tch.

All right.

- I'm gonna make you come so hard

you're gonna scream like a little b*tch.

- Yeah, that's what I like to hear.

(chilling music)

Oh, yeah.

Ooh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, oh, yeah. I like that.

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

(screams)

- Damn, you actually

screamed like a little b*tch!

(eerie music)

- So this m*therf*cker

disrespected me, right?

So I picked up my sh*t,

I hit him over the head.

Bang!

Went straight down.

And I said, "Let that be a

lesson to you, Crooked Eye."

(all laughing)

- Crooked Eye. I love that guy.

Every time you tell the story, Guchedo,

it just keeps getting better and better.

- What the f*ck you doing here, pig?

- Want me to unload

this g*n in your cabeza?

- Yeah, yeah, you're gonna

unload your little g*n

into my quesadilla.

Go sit down, minions.

- Okay, okay, okay.

Calm down, now. Calm down.

Me and Detective Healy,

we're compadres now.

No, you go and take care of business.

- What's up, Captain?

- That's not my name

anymore. I'm The t*rror1st.

- You're a t*rror1st?

- No! I'm not a t*rror1st.

I'm The t*rror1st.

That's my new g*ng name.

- Your new g*ng name? What

are you talking about?

You used to be the captain

of the police force

and now you look like

a disgusting pervert.

- And you look like

Porky Pig, m*therf*cker.

- Yo, guys, guys, guys.

Let's keep it real with the Shmeal.

Look who it is, my favorite gringo.

Rockstar, cop wannabe.

- [Healy] Oh, stop.

You're making me blush.

- You know that I love you.

Even though you're a pig.

- You know you're my favorite gangbanger.

- That's kingpin gangbanger to you, Porky.

- Look who's talking.

Go sit down, you pipsqueak shrimp!

- Okay, let's have a drink.

Get him a chair.

- Sure.

- You're not gonna k*ll me though, right?

- Yo, Healy.

- Yeah?

- You got any brown sugar?

- No. What do you want brown sugar for?

- I don't know, let's see, my coffee.

- Why would I carry brown

sugar around in my pocket for?

- f*ck it, I don't know.

- So you want a shotgun, right?

- I need a sawed off shotgun.

- Oh, yeah, you told me on the phone.

Take care of him.

So what do you need a shotgun for?

- I have to take care of a very big man.

- Very big man like yourself?

Yeah, get the f*ck outta here, Porky.

(all laughing)

(chilling music)

- We'll use the rope.

(urine tinkling)

(chilling music continues)

(Copycat breathing heavily)

- Now!

(Copycat grunts)

(Copycat groaning)

- Oh my God. I think we k*lled him.

We didn't k*ll him. He

probably just passed out.

- He's old. That's what they do.

They pass out.

- He didn't pass out.

We knocked him the f*ck out!

- We should call the cops.

- I don't wanna get in trouble!

- Don't worry, Bobby.

You're not going to.

(intense music)

(Copycat groans)

(Copycat groaning)

- Later on in the dead of night,

this pentagram shall

resurrect the Covid k*ller

by the blood moon's light!

- [Cultists] By the blood moon's light!

(thunder crashes)

(dramatic music)

- No! Do not touch that mask.

- Why? It's a cool mask.

I want it.

- No, Steven.

Because that mask must remain untouched

in order for the rituals to work.

- Yes, Empress Edie.

- No, shut up, Steven!

I am the empress.

I am the necromancer.

- [Cultists] The necromancer!

(dramatic music)

- We're closed.

(Copycat breathing heavily)

Sorry, buddy.

We're closed.

(Copycat breathing heavily)

Listen, buddy, you're

starting to creep me out.

You gotta get the f*ck outta here.

Do you want something?

(chilling music)

Please don't k*ll me.

I'm sorry I called you an as*h*le.

I'm a rude person. I'm sorry!

(chilling music)

(cashier screams)

(eerie music)

(light music)

(door knocking)

- Six feet!

I don't mean to be disrespectful,

but I've caught Covid before

and I am not trying to

catch that sh*t again.

- No worries. I understand.

- Cool.

But wow, you guys actually came.

- Why wouldn't we?

- Because nobody believes me.

I get calls all the time from

people who claim to be cops,

and then when I go to open the door,

I get a bag of sh*t thrown in my face.

- I know that feeling.

- Well, we are real cops.

And I want to believe you

because if what you're saying is true,

that leads us one step closer

to catching the Copycat Covid k*ller.

- Well, I am telling the truth.

Like I said in my video,

I don't have any proof,

but I can tell you exactly what I've seen.

- Go ahead.

- I was looking out my window.

My boy Floyd was sitting right here

and the stripper lady was right-

- Wait a minute, wait a minute.

There was a man sitting here?

- Yeah. Why?

- Well, because that's another witness

that was actually outside and

not looking through a window.

- Well, yeah, but that guy's gone.

- What do you mean gone?

- He disappeared right

after that incident.

- That's weird.

- Stay weird.

- Just finish the story.

- So like I was saying,

stripper lady who lives over there in N5

was talking on her phone.

She looked like she was

trying to find her keys.

She looked scared.

Then right when she found her keys,

the Covid k*ller came out of nowhere.

I don't know if she saw him,

but she jetted right into her apartment.

I thought it was gonna

attack her, but he didn't.

He just walked right by.

It was so strange.

But what was even stranger

was right after that,

Copycat k*ller came out of nowhere

and walked right into her

place and closed the door.

And I guess that's when he k*lled her.

- That is a very strange story.

Almost unbelievable.

- See, I knew it.

I knew you weren't gonna believe me.

You're not gonna throw a

bag of sh*t at me, right?

- No.

I'm just trying to understand

their relationship.

Did it look like they knew each other?

- Well, and I'm just guessing here,

I don't think that Covid saw Copycat,

but Copycat had to have

seen Covid walk by the lady.

- Yeah.

- What's on your brain, partner?

- Copycat wasn't copying the Covid k*ller.

He was trying to outdo him.

- Yeah.

- He was angry.

Probably jealous.

So that means the people Copy k*lled

were going to be Covid's next victims.

But Copy got to them first.

For some reason, he's obsessed

with the Covid k*ller.

- Yeah, but how did Copy know

who Covid was gonna k*ll?

It's not like he had a list.

- Serial K*llers usually

stalk their victims

before they k*ll them.

- So that means copy was following Covid

while he was stalking his next victims.

- And since Covid only k*lled at night

and stalked the women during the day,

Copy had plenty of time

to beat him to the punch.

- Bingo.

- Why do serial K*llers

make up all these rules

they have to follow?

Like, they make it so

much harder for themselves

for no reason at all.

- Because they're stupid.

But Copycat's not like that.

He has no rules.

He kills anyone anywhere.

- Yeah, he sure k*lled that

bathroom back at the hospital.

- Cemetery.

First thing tomorrow.

We have to check out the cemetery.

- [Healy] Why?

- If Copy's obsessed with Covid,

he's probably gonna visit his tombstone.

- Why would he do that?

- Because people who have

obsessions with other people

usually can't let go.

Even when the person dies.

He's probably going to visit Covid's grave

to get some closure.

Thanks for your help, Corkster.

That's my card.

You have any more information, call me.

- You got it, my brother.

Oh. Oh.

Have a good day!

(eerie music)

- Just you and Graham Jones, Teddy.

Just you and I, bud.

We don't need no co-anchors.

We're gonna fist f*ck this industry.

We're gonna take ourselves to the top.

Just you and I.

You ready, Teddy?

Don't worry.

I'm not gonna let Copycat get you.

All right?

We're not scared of no little

copycat k*ller, now are we?

f*ck him.

Don't worry, buddy.

Taking all this in?

Get it up in there.

Get up there, all right?

(eerie music continues)

- Oh, great.

Mork and Mindy's here.

- Cool! I like those guys.

- What are you guys doing here?

Cap said this was our case.

- We're not here for the cult.

By the way, Guillermo, shouldn't

you be with Jimmy Fallon?

- Jimmy Kimmel, you idiot.

- Man, all those white

Jimmys look the same.

- Brock thinks Copy was

here visiting Covid's grave.

- For what?

- Brock thinks Copy needs some closure.

- You gonna analyze that for prints?

- I already know whose

prints are on that mask.

Leave that mask exactly where it's at.

I don't want the cult

knowing that we came back.

- Are you coming back?

- No.

Copy's not coming back.

That's why he left the mask.

So there's no reason for me to return.

- Okay, Batman.

Oh, I'm sorry, Flash.

Hey, Healy.

- Yeah, what's up?

- I heard your bandmate

got attacked by Copy.

Is he okay?

- Yeah, he's okay.

He just got his guitar

broken, but he's okay.

He didn't get hurt or nothin', thank God.

- Okay, good.

- What are you still even a cop for?

If I was in a band, I wouldn't

be working this sh*t job.

- I like being a cop.

I like to help people.

See you guys later.

- That guy's a f*ck' weirdo.

- Nah, he's a genuinely nice guy.

I mean, a little naive, but nice.

- Alright, softy.

So what's next, partner?

Stakeout?

- Yep.

Day and night.

These guys are tricky.

What's that?

- I found it on the floor.

- [Blake] By Covid's tombstone?

- No, I found it over there.

- That's the groundskeeper's hat.

- [Sanchez] Yeah.

- When we get back, take it to the lab.

- All right, partner.

I'm on it.

(eerie music)

(crows cawing)

- So then she says, "Is

that your p*nis or what?"

(Edie laughs)

- You're so funny, Graham.

- I know, I know.

- And conceited.

- Of course.

I'm Graham Jones.

- I kinda like it.

- So, my place or yours?

- Yours.

I wanna see how the magnificent

Graham Jones resides.

- Of course you do.

Oh, and Betty,

you or your friend are

welcome to join us tonight.

- Keep trying, Graham, and

maybe one day you'll get lucky.

- I guess maybe you're

not drunk enough tonight.

- We will never be that drunk, Graham.

- Just you and I.

Off we go, my fair lady.

(women laughing)

All right, give me that.

- Here you go.

(Graham and Edie laughing)

- Oh, wait, where are my car keys?

Oh, oh, wait.

Here they are.

Oh, excuse me, sir. My apologies.

- Whoa, you're a big guy.

You're like a skyscraper.

- Well, good day, sir.

Watch out for King Kong,

you big vanilla gorilla.

(Edie laughs)

Nice mask. That'll stop the spread.

(Graham screams)

- [Edie] You're so funny, Graham.

You should've been a comedian.

(intense music)

(Edie screams)

(energetic music)

- This just in.

Last night, two more

people were brutally k*lled

by the ruthless Copycat Covid k*ller.

And sadly, those two

people were news anchors

Graham Jones and Edie Carmichael.

They worked here at DKE News.

They were my colleagues,

they were my friends.

That brings the body count to 11 people

in just three short weeks.

Surveillance footage confirms

that this was indeed the

Copycat Covid k*ller,

who's wearing a new mask with an image

of what looked like skeleton teeth.

The media is now referring

to him as the Omicron k*ller,

because much like the variant disease,

this new k*ller is even more deadly

than his predecessor, the-

Listen, I don't give a f*ck

what you Generation Alphas

call this m*therf*cker!

You need to find him and

you need to k*ll him!

- Cut the feed, cut the feed!

- I'm trying, I'm trying!

- Hurry, this b*tch is losing it!

- I think this b*tch is

gonna cost us both our jobs!

Ah, f*ck it!

- He's a f*cking disease

and we need to wipe him out!

(TV beeping)

- [Both] Ta-da!

- Introducing the new Warlock.

- Okay.

- What? You don't like it?

- It's fine.

But the two of you need a f*cking life!

- Get a f*cking life!

- Oh, snap!

- What the f*ck are you doing?!

- I'm cutting the

watermelon like you said.

- Okay, I told you to use a knife.

Not a f*ck' sword!

- It's not a sword, it's a kaiser blade.

Some folks call it a sling blade,

but I call it a kaiser blade.

- You know what, Steven?

You really are a special kind of stupid!

- Not as stupid as you think I am, Edith.

- Yeah? Well, you know what?

Stop doing stupid sh*t!

- Okay, so, when are

we gonna do the ritual?

- We're doing the ritual in a few days

when the blood moon is near.

- The blood moon is near?

- Yes.

And this time, we're

doing it during the day

because those cops are

expecting us at night.

- But you just said we need to do it

when the blood moon is near.

- Yes! We're doing it

when it's near, okay?

We're not doing like

some Hollywood bullshit

when it's out and it

appears, okay, Steven?

We're doing it when it's near

because that's when it's a success.

- Yes, Empress Edie.

- She is the empress.

(eerie music)

- Hey, Healy.

- Yeah?

- Put the lights on for me.

- I can't do that. It's my squad car.

- But I think it's sexy.

- Still, I'm a police officer

and I could get in trouble.

You said after our fifth date

that you would put the lights on for me.

- [Healy] I said that? Really?

- Yes.

- This is our fifth date already?

- Yes!

- Wow.

- Besides, it really,

really, really turns me on.

- Turns you on? Really?

- Mm-hmm.

- All right, then!

(sirens blaring)

(eerie music)

- [Erica] Healy, help!

- What is it? What is it?

What's the matter? You all right?

- No, I'm not all right.

- What's the matter? I

heard you scream for help.

- I do need help.

I'm horny.

(Erica laughs)

- Oh, that's something

that I can help you with.

Why don't you come over here

and show me your nine millimeter?

- [Healy] Let me get some of

that vanilla milkshake, baby!

(Erica laughs)

Sexy!

- Later on in the dead of night,

this pentagram shall

resurrect the Covid k*ller

by the blood moon's light!

- [Cultists] By the blood moon's light!

(dramatic music)

(knife slices)

(sirens blaring)

- Everybody freeze!

- [Sanchez] Freeze!

- f*ck you, m*therf*ckers!

- Stop!

- Put the g*n down and we won't hurt you.

- Don't get one step closer

or I'll blow your f*ck'

brains out, b*tch!

- There's two of us and only one of you.

You know how this is gonna end.

- Ah, f*ck it!

(g*n fires)

(g*ns firing)

- [Sanchez] Everyone, stop right there!

I'm gonna k*ll all you m*therf*ckers!

- [Blake] You have a

right to remain silent.

Anything you say can and

will be used against you

in a court of law.

- You have the right to an attorney.

If you cannot afford an attorney,

I have the right to put my

foot up your cult's a*s.

Now, m*therf*ckers.

You have any questions?

- [Blake] Sanchez, enough.

(eerie music)

(Erica moans)

(dog barking)

(Erica moaning)

(dog barking)

- m*dget, shut up!

(dog barking)

(dog whines)

(dark music)

Cindy, is that you?

Cindy?

Cindy, are you here?

(footsteps thumping)

Cindy?

(eerie music)

Cindy, are you here?

Cindy, are you f*cking with me?

It's not funny.

(Copycat breathing heavily)

(Erica screams)

(intense music)

(eerie music)

(light music)

- Hey, partner. What's the dealio?

- [Brock] My mom wants

to see us right away.

- I'm ready. Let's go.

- Before we go, I have

to use the bathroom.

- Of course.

Mi casa es tu casa.

- Thanks. I have to leave a sh*t.

- Take a sh*t.

- What?

- Take a sh*t.

You said you gotta leave a sh*t.

You mean you wanna take a sh*t.

- I'm not taking it,

Healy. I'm leaving it.

- Oh.

Yeah, that makes sense.

(Krazy Klowny laughing)

- You still watch these

stupid YouTube videos

we used to make?

- Yes.

- Are you going to work?

- No.

- Then why are you

dressed as Krazy Klowny?

- I love being a clown.

Ever since I was a little

boy I wanted to be a clown.

There's something very

intriguing about being a clown.

- And creepy.

- You mean scary.

It is.

It is scary.

- So how'd your date go with Erica?

- Oh, it went great.

I think I'm in love, brah!

(eerie music)

- That's good.

I'm happy for you, Healy.

Me, I'm in love with the chase.

I'm in love with putting

scumbags behind bars.

Or in a f*ck' grave.

- Well, someone's gotta do it.

- [Louise] Well, it's about time.

You guys took long enough.

- Yeah, Brock had to

leave a sh*t in my house.

- What?

- So what's going on?

On the phone you said it was urgent.

- I think we got that m*therf*cker.

- Who?

Omicron?

- No, your fairy godmother.

- Of course the Omicron.

Anyway, we got a lead

from St. Mary's Hospital.

This security guard got

surveillance footage

of a giant man wearing

a skeleton Covid mask

entering the hospital on

two separate occasions.

Oh, and he said that both times

the guy just walked around

the hospital suspiciously

and then left.

And he said that the guy looked angry.

- Frueger.

- What?

- The nurse.

The nurse said, "I think

he's after Dr. Frueger."

- And you're just remembering this now?

God damn it, Brock!

We could've got that

son of a b*tch days ago!

- Ma, you gotta understand.

There was a lot going on that day.

We had just discovered Will's

dead body, God rest his soul,

and then you send us to the

hospital to look for Omicron.

We get there, he's gone,

and k*lled two more people.

On top of that, I gotta deal

with the Hamburglar over here.

Then Nurse Nancy wakes up freaking out.

"Omicron's after Frueger."

And then you call me on the

phone, "Bring the whole crew."

It's a lot.

So, excuse me, Ma, if it

kinda slipped my mind.

- And let's not forget all the sh*t

Omicron left in the bathroom.

- What?

- Oh, yeah, apparently Omicron

defecated the entire bathroom

with his sh*t before he left.

- Okay.

So find out who this Dr.

Frueger is and contact him.

'Cause we gotta get to

him before Omicron does.

- Okay.

- And now listen. Listen to me.

With all the information that we now have,

there is no doubt that we

are gonna catch this guy

in the next couple of days.

When you catch him and you

know it's either him or you,

I want you to look him

dead in the eyes and say,

"This is for Will Jordan,

you variant scum,"

and then sh**t that m*therf*cker

right between the eyes!

- How about I say, "Hasta la vista, baby."

- No.

No.

This isn't a movie.

Just say what I told you, Brock.

- If it's not a movie,

then why am I saying a cool

line before I blow him away?

- What if you say, "Goodbye, nio?"

- What?

Why?

Why would he say that?

- Because that's what "Hasta

la vista, baby" actually means.

"Goodbye, nio."

So he should say, "Goodbye,

nio," and then sh**t him!

- I'm not saying that corny a*s line.

- Corny?

You wanna say a cheesy line

from a 90s Schwarzenegger movie

and you're calling my line corny?

- Arnold Schwarzenegger is

the greatest action hero

who ever lived.

- Wrong. John Wayne is.

- John Wayne?

- Yeah.

- What f*ck' meds are you on?

- Your f*ck' mother's meds!

- Don't talk about my

mother, you f*ck' troll!

- Then don't talk about

my medical condition!

- Stop!

Are you guys super stupid?

I don't give a f*ck.

I don't give a f*ck if you say

"rubber baby buggy bumpers."

Just get the son of a b*tch!

- Nice.

"Last Action Hero."

- Brock, get the outta here and

take special needs with you.

- Don't worry, I'm gonna

get that m*therf*cker.

- I just wanna apologize

to you, Ms. Callahan.

I got so worked up before.

I'm so sorry.

I didn't mean it.

- Aw.

Thank you, Healy.

But I could give two shits

what you say about me.

I got no feelings.

Hey, you wanna do me a favor?

Catch the Omicron k*ller.

- Don't worry, Cap.

When we catch the Omicron,

I'm gonna b*tch slap him

like he was Chris Rock.

- Groovy.

(eerie music)

(g*n c*ck)

(suspenseful music)

(g*n fires)

(intense music)

(Copycat and Brock groaning)

(Brock coughing)

(Brock coughs)

(Copycat shouts)

- Hey, big guy!

Get away from him, you b*tch!

(Copycats breathing heavily)

(g*n clicks)

(g*n fires)

Now you got no leg to stand on!

Brock!

What cool line you gonna say now?

- You have the right to remain silent.

- Classic.

- Anything you say can and

will be used against you

in a court of law.

You have the right to an attorney.

If you can't afford an attorney,

one will be provided for you.

Do you understand these rights

that I've just read to you?

With these rights in mind,

do you wish to speak and

answer any questions?

- Goodbye, nio.

(eerie music)

(ground breaking)

(intense music)

(intense electronic music)

(Graham groaning)

Fat f*ck!

(Graham groaning)

Can't k*ll me, fat boy!

I'm Graham Jones, b*tch!

Omicron

Covid Psycho k*ller,

k*ller, k*ller, k*ller

Omicron

Covid Psycho k*ller,

k*ller, k*ller, k*ller

Ha ha ha ha ha

Ha ha ha ha ha

Ha ha ha ha ha

Ha ha ha ha ha

Omicron

Covid Psycho k*ller,

k*ller, k*ller, k*ller

Ha ha ha ha ha

Ha ha ha ha ha

Ha ha ha ha ha

It's the most fun I ever had

Making people beg for their lives

Please don't k*ll me

Please don't k*ll me

Please don't k*ll me

Ha ha ha ha ha

Ha ha ha ha ha

Demented mind

Too many personalities

All at the same time

One crazier than the next

Hmm

Who should k*ll next

(eerie music)