03x21 - Doggone Jon/Pawparazzi

[bunniefuu]

-[Garfield snoring]
-[alarm rings]

[upbeat theme song playing]

-[Garfield] Hee!
-[remote clicks]

[whimsical music playing]

[Al] Please, Mr. Kennel,
you've gotta give me another chance.

I've given you other chances, Al.

Then give me .
I know I haven't caught many dogs lately.

None. And that's unacceptable.
Especially now.

Did you hear about the new law?

Uh, what new law?

[newswoman]
The mayor's office
has announced a crackdown on dogs

running around without leashes.

Any unleashed dog
will be hauled off to the pound,

and his owner will pay a steep fine.

Oh, not good. Odie's always
running around without a leash.

Odie? Garfield? Anyone?

Odie's out someplace
walking around without a leash.

I better find him before I get tossed
in the pound, and he has to pay a fine.

All right, one last chance,
but only because I don't have anyone else.

I won't let you down.

Oh, for heaven's sake.
I'll be driving around.

If I see one dog not on a leash,
you're fired.

I won't let you down.

Yes, you will.

[groans] I'm so hungry
I could pass out any second.

I know I shouldn't have skipped
my third breakfast.

[whining]

Hi, Garfield.
How many hot dogs? The usual order?

[groans] Okay. All of them.

I don't know if I can wait any longer.
I'm losing consciousness fast.

[barking]

My whole life is flashing before my eyes.

There's that lasagna I ate last night.

The prime rib from last Easter.

It's no use.

I can't make it.

[gasping, coughing]

[Odie whining]

Quick, Garfield. Eat this hot dog. Hurry.

[Garfield munching]

You forgot the relish.

The park is the best place
to find leashless dogs.

Yes!

[barking]

[Al] Drat.

Bingo! Target acquired.

[cheerful music playing]

Nineteen more of these
and I should be good as new.

-Hello, puppy.
-[Odie whining]

You are under arrest
for running around without a leash.

"It's my duty
to advise you of your rights as a dog.

You have the right
to remain silent and not bark.

You have the right to a flea collar.
If you can't afford one,

one will be purchased
before any further scratching.

Do you understand these rights
as I have explained them to you?"

Puppy?

[Al] Hey, cat!

Did you see where the puppy went?

Yes. Hey, that nose of yours
could use some of this.

[Al grunting]

I can't believe
you put mustard all over my nose.

You're lucky I don't have hot chili!

I'll take care of you, cat!
And your little dog too!

[gasps]

[in Terminator voice]
Come with me if you want to live.

You won't get away from me.
I'm too smart for you.

[action music playing]

[Garfield] You see?

Dogs aren't the only creatures that can
spend all day chasing their own tails.

[Odie snickering]

A dog without a leash. That's it!

[screaming]

[crashing]

[growling]

Please, Mr. Kennel. This is my life.

I'm a dogcatcher.

Not anymore, you aren't. You're fired.

You have been goofing off.

You've been eating hot dogs
instead of catching real dogs.

I wasn't eating hot dogs.

Don't lie to me.
You have mustard all over your face.

[Garfield] Shame on you, Odie.

Because of you,
that nice dogcatcher just lost his job.

-[both laughing]
-[Garfield] All right. Let's celebrate.

Vito has a special.
Two pizzas for the price of one.

Does that sound good?

[Odie] Mm-hmm.

[Garfield] Good.
Then I'll eat both, and you watch.

Where are you going to find
anyone else for this job?

Anyone can do it.

I'm tempted to hire
the next person who walks by.

Excuse me. Have either of you seen
a cute little dog around here?

You like dogs, do you?

Sure.

Have you ever considered
catching them for a living?

-What do you do?
-I'm a cartoonist.

Oh. Well, this is different.
This is a real job.

[groaning]

[Garfield, Odie laughing]

Oh, so much for Al the dogcatcher.

I wonder what numbskull
they'll get to do that job now.

[whining]

You're right.
A person would be pretty dumb to--

Congratulate me, guys!
You're looking at the new city dogcatcher.

[barking]

[whimpering]

-[siren wailing]
-[horn honking]

[barking]

[whimpering]

[whining]

Don't worry, Odie.

Jon will be down any minute to feed us.

See you this evening. Gotta go catch dogs.

Excuse me. Breakfast?
We'd like some breakfast.

-[door closes]
-Jon has left the building.

[whining]

Well, looks like we'll have to prepare
our own meals.

Let's see.
I'm thinking lasagna, ravioli, rigatoni.

Pasta. Part of your nutritious breakfast.

Fortunately, Jon left the refrigerator
crammed full of food.

[screaming]

It's time to put an end
to Jon's new career

and my new lack of food.

[barking]

[munching]

Three more.

So that's where all our food has gone.

Jon's using it as bait.

This is not good, Odie. Not good at all.

While Jon's catching dogs,
our plates go empty.

-[sobbing]
-Huh?

All I ever wanted to be in life
was a dogcatcher.

When I was a small boy,
all the other kids would play with dogs.

I just wanted to catch them.

-[Al sobbing]
-[Odie whining]

One year for Christmas,

my Uncle Nathan gave me the cutest
little c*ck spaniel you ever saw.

It had soft ears and big, sad eyes.

I threw a net over it
and took it to the pound.

Odie, we've got to get that man
his job back.

Which means we have to get Jon fired.

We need a dog he can't catch.

[whining]

You know the old saying I just made up:

When you want the perfect dog, get a cat.

I know it's here somewhere.

Oh! There's that old
department store mannequin.

That'll come in handy
for the final scene in this episode.

Right now, I'm trying to find…

Ah! Remember this, Odie?

[whining]

It's that dog costume
I wore back in season one.

Remember that cartoon
where I ate all that lasagna?

[whining, barks]

Hey, not bad.

Arf, arf. Woof, woof.

[barking]

Arf, woof. Woof, woof, bark, bark.

[barking]

Bowwow. Woof, woof. Yip, yip.

Didn't know I could speak
a foreign language, did ya?

Hey, this magnet will be useful.

Now you stay here.

We can't have you
walking the streets without a leash.

Jon would lock you up.

[barking]

Okay. I'm off to catch me a dog catcher.

Woof, woof, arf.

[barking]

Meow! Meow, meow! Meow! Meow!

Observe the amateur dogcatcher

thinking he can attract a dog
with a rotten cat impression.

Oh well. It's showtime.

Arf, arf! Bark, bark, bark!

[Jon grunts]

Missed!

So, that's how you wanna play, smart guy?
Wait till I catch you!

[action music playing]

[chattering]

Hey, watch it!

Signor Arbuckle.
May I show you to a table?

Signor Arbuckle! No! Not in my
ristorante!

[Vito] Please! My lovely restaurant!

No, no, no! Look out!

I'm sorry. You looked like a dog.

[action music continues]

[grunts]

-[screaming]
-[crashing]

[car horn honking]

[Vito sobbing]

My restaurant! My restaurant!

[laughing]

Vito, that was one
of the funniest shows I've ever seen.

[laughing]

Oh, really?

Eh, there is a modest cover charge
for the entertainment.

[action music playing]

That dog is as agile as a cat!

Woof, woof.

[grunts] You're mine!

You're wrong.

[screaming]

[thud]

Okay. Time to get caught.

-Yip, yip, yip.
-Gotcha!

Ha ha. I'm too smart for you.

Yeah. Way too smart.

[snoring]

[intriguing music playing]

There's the keys to this hotel.

[giggles]

[barking]

No, no! Get back in the kennel!

Sounds like Arbuckle's
caught a lot of dogs.

Hiring him was the smartest thing
I ever did.

[barking]

-Stop!
-[yipping]

Oh! Mr. Kennel! I'm sorry!
I don't know how the dogs got away, but--

Arbuckle! You're even more incompetent
than that idiot I fired!

-[Kennel] I'd better get him back.
-[Jon] But, Mr. Kennel!

So, Mr. Kennel
not only offered me my job back,

I got a raise.

The guy he replaced you with,
he must have been really terrible.

I'll say. I wonder what he's gonna do now.

[sighs] He's going back
to being a cartoonist.

[Odie humming]

[laughing]
That's the puppy that got me fired!

If he's not on a leash,
he goes to the pound.

And this time, he can't escape!

Huh?

I told you that mannequin
would come in handy in the last scene.

[whimsical music playing]

[Garfield sighs, snoring]

[Jon] Garfield!

Garfield!

Garfield, could you come downstairs
for a minute?

[groans]
No, I cannot come downstairs for a minute.

I'm doing something more important.
Sleeping.

[Jon] It'll just take a minute, Garfield.

Garfield! Well, I guess I'll have
to resort to the secret weapon.

[whispering] I just made lasagna.

Lasagna?

[grunts] Did someone say lasagna?

Oh.

I'm sorry. I lied about the lasagna.

Hey, some things in life
are too important to kid around about.

I need a good photo of you.

I don't care why you lied about lasagna.
That's a felony in most states, you know?

I need the photo because I'm entering you
in a contest on this TV show.

Do you have a pussycat?

Are you a pussycat?
Well, either way, you should know

about the Positively Perfect
Pussycat Pageant.

Why would I care
about winning this contest?

First prize is ten tons of money.

Okay. Question answered.

If you have an adorable cat,
send a photo to me,

television's Brandon Scoop.

I'm going to go send your picture off.

Wow, ten tons of money.
That could buy tons of ribs.

Hi, Odie.

[yipping]

There's a contest
to find the best-looking cat in the world.

And you know who's gonna win?

[whining]

Hi, Garfield! Can't talk to you now.

I have to go mail in my entry to the
Positively Perfect Pussycat Pageant.

Yeah.

-[whining]
-[snarling]

[thud]

[announcer]
And here's your host,
the hottest guy with the hottest news,

Brandon Scoop!

I'm not gonna win the contest.

Nermal's gonna win the contest.
Nermal always wins the contest.

…and so am I.

Tonight on the show,
we'll be featuring these hot stories…

A new rock star released
his first CD this morning.

It was a hit by lunchtime,
a golden oldie by dinner,

and now, he's planning a comeback.

Are there too many inside jokes
on animated TV shows these days?

Cartoonist Jim Davis says yes.

And just why
was the governor of this state

photographed the other day
wearing a zebra costume?

All this and more on tonight's show.

"This honor comes as such a surprise.

I wasn't expecting it."

Nah, not sincere enough.

"This honor comes as such a surprise!
I wasn't expecting it!"

Nah. Needs more fake modesty.

"This honor comes as such a surprise.
I wasn't expecting--"

But first, the winner of the Positively
Perfect Pussycat Pageant.

We received million entries,
and our judge personally studied

every single one of them.

And here is our judge,
Mary Margaret Freen.

[quivering]

Ms. Freen, did you really study
all million photos?

-Yes! million cat photos!
-[cuckoo sound]

Photos of cats.

Black cats! Brown cats! White cats!

Do you know what it's like
to look at million photos of cats?

No, I can't say that I do.

I see cats everywhere I look now.
There's one over there.

And up there!

And there's , of them in my handbag!

Screeching and meowing! [screaming]

Ugh, would you just give it to Nermal
and get it over with?

And do you have a winner for us?

Here. This is the winner.

Now let me out of here.
The cats are after me.

The cats are after me! [screaming]

And now the moment
you've all been waiting for,

the winner of

the contest and the ten tons of money

-is…
-Nermal.

Nermal.

Garfield.

Garfield. See? I told you it would be--

[gasping]

That's right.

The winner of the Positively Perfect
Pussycat Pageant

is a cat named Garfield,
who belongs to a Mr. Jon Arbuckle.

Garfield wins the ten tons of money.

You won, Garfield! You won!

I won, Garfield! I won!

[all cheering]

So our congratulations
to Garfield Cat and…

Excuse me?

There's been a mistake.

[whispering]

Really? Well, you're the judge.

Ladies and gentlemen,
there seems to have been

an error.

Garfield is not the winner.

The real winner is…

Nermal!

That contest is rigged.
It's a stupid, fixed competition.

I wouldn't take that crummy prize
if they begged me.

[gasps, laughing]

It's such an honor to win
this wonderful, important award.

[sighing] I knew it. I knew it. I knew it.

[Brandon]
So, Nermal is the winner,
and Garfield is the first runner-up.

[whining]

[sighs] I'm going to bed. Forever.

If anything should happen to Nermal,
say if he was disgraced,

then Garfield would become the winner.

Hear that, Odie? I've still got a chance.

[whining]

We turn now to our next item.

The disgrace and resignation
of Governor Throttlebottom.

All we have to do is make sure
Nermal disgraces himself.

How do we do that?

-[whining]
-Hmm.

[Brandon]
Photographers who staked out
the governor's mansion

took this photo of him
and posted it on the Internet.

The public was shocked and outraged.

I am shocked and outraged.

Oh yeah, I am very shocked
and even more outraged.

He must resign immediately.

The governor called a press conference
and attempted to defend himself.

I did not dress up in a zebra costume.

I have never dressed up
in a zebra costume.

And I will never dress up
in a zebra costume. Next question.

Governor, is there any truth to the rumor

that you sometimes
dress up in a kangaroo suit?

No, just in a zebra costume.

[Brandon]
Ten minutes later,
he submitted his resignation.

That's it, Odie.

We just have to get a photo of Nermal
that will bring disgrace upon him.

[barking]

[Nermal humming]

It's simple. We wait until Nermal does--

-[whining]
-Huh?

How long will that take?
Not long. I know Nermal.

He'll disgrace himself
in a matter of minutes.

Hi, George. How about an autograph?
Here ya go.

Huh?

[Nermal humming]

Nope. Not disgraceful.

Hi, I'm Nermal.

And I just won a contest that says
I'm best-looking cat in the world.

Like that's not obvious.

You don't look that cute to me.

Well, first prize in this contest
is ten tons of money.

Oh! You know,
you're starting to look cuter to me.

[whining]

Still not disgraceful.

We've been following him for four hours,
and he hasn't done one disgraceful thing.

A lot of things to make decent people ill,
but nothing disgraceful.

-[whining]
-[alarm blaring]

Help! We're being robbed!

Odie! The bank's being held up.
And look who's doing it.

Nermal. Nermal's robbing the bank!

Robbing a bank. That's disgraceful.
Now I need to get pictures of it.

[snickering] Look this way, Nermal

Say cheese. [laughing]
This is disgraceful.

Good work, cat! You protected the money
this dastardly bank robber dropped

while trying to escape.

I'm certain the new governor

will want to give you a medal
or name a holiday after you.

-[Nermal] Yay!
-[sighs]

The newspapers will want those photos
to show what a fine,

non-disgraceful act this hero did.
Good work.

Ah! [growling]

[growling]

[whining]

I'll tell you what we're gonna do now.

I didn't wanna resort to this,
but we're gonna go see cousin Coslough.

-[whining]
-Nermal's cousin Coslough.

If anyone knows a dark, forbidden
secret of Nermal's, he's the one.

[action music playing]

[coughing]

But he's your cousin.

Don't remind me. Rotten kid.

Always talking about
how he's better than anybody.

"I'm Nermal,
the cutest kitty cat in the whole world."

[coughing] Worse than the measles.

You must know
one real disgraceful thing about him.

Oh, I know one all right.

Most disgraceful thing
you could ever imagine. Come here.

[whispering]

[gasps]

Oh, it's perfect. Perfect.

[panting]

[straining]

That's where he keeps it.
Let's see where he goes now.

[yipping]

[humming]

[suspenseful music playing]

[whining]

[suspenseful music continues]

This is disgraceful.

Absolutely disgraceful. So disgraceful.

Hey, there's nothing wrong with
dressing up like a zebra once in a while.

I mean, lots of folks do it.
Me, the governor, lots of folks.

[Brandon]
A shocking revelation about the
winner of our Perfect Pussycat Pageant.

Caught on camera in a zebra costume,
and the public is shocked and outraged.

I am shocked and outraged.

It's like the governor,

except this time,
I'm not as outraged as I am shocked.

He must resign immediately.

[Brandon]
And only minutes ago,

Nermal did resign as winner of the…
whatever the name of the contest is.

Under our rules, first prize,
including the ten tons of money, goes to…

-Garfield.
-[applause]

Garfield!

So, Garfield. I congratulate you
on your victory and Nermal's disgrace,

and now we'll present the ten tons of--

-[judge] Wait!
-[audience gasping]

There's been another mistake.

It's those cats. They made me do it again.
Everywhere I look, they're distracting me.

Like that one and that one.

[whispering]

So, Garfield isn't the actual runner-up?

I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!

Here he is.
Here's the real winner right here.

[both gasp]

Isn't he the most beautiful cat
you ever saw in your life?

[audience cheering, applause]

-Hmm?
-Just give me the money.

[coughs]

-[dramatic music playing]
-[cheering]

-Oh well. I still have my looks.
-[Garfield] Hi, Nermal.

Sorry about the disgrace thing.

It's okay. At least it's in the family.

-Could I ask you a question?
-Sure, go ahead.

[clears throat]

Where do I get
one of those zebra costumes?

Oh! A guy makes them in Hong Kong.
You special order them.

It takes about eight weeks.
You specify the direction of the stripes,

whether you want black on white
or white on black. Plus, make sure you do…

[upbeat theme song playing]