02x05 - Jon and the Haunted House/Which Witch

[bunniefuu]

[snoring] [clock ringing]

[upbeat music]

[joyful music]

[phone ringing]

Hello.

[inaudible]

No, I don't want to buy a -year membership in your gymnasium.

[Jon hanging up]

[phone ringing]

Hello.

No, this is not Feinblatt's Deli!

[phone ringing]

HELLO!

No, I don't want a subscription to Pigeon Breeders Monthly.

I already have one.

[Jon growling]

[Odie whining]

I wouldn't go in there if I were you.

I know I'm out of shape,

and I still don't want a -year membership in your gymnasium!

Jon's trying to come up with an idea for a new comic book for Mr. Barker.

[phone ringing]

Ah, the phone again!

[sigh] It's not going well.

I don't care who you are, whatever it is, I'm not going to buy it!

Stop calling me, you idiot! Stop!

Oh... Hello, Mr. Barker.

I just called to see how that new idea's coming, Arbuckle.

It's... It's...

I'm sorry, Mr. Barker, the phone keeps interrupting me.

I can't think.

Jon can't think. There's late-breaking news.

Oh, I understand.

Why don't you do what I do, Arbuckle? Get away!

Go where there's no phone.

I'd love to, but...

I can't afford a trip just now.

Hey, I just acquired an old house up in the mountains.

My business manager bought it cheap as an investment.

I haven't seen it,

but I'm pretty sure it doesn't have a phone.

I can work up there and I won't be interrupted all the time?

Great!

Make arrangements for Arbuckle to stay

in that house I just bought.

But isn't that house supposed to be...

haunted?

This is great, I have to go pack.

Oops! Forgot to eat my pizza.

You can forget to eat your pizza,

but I won't forget to eat your pizza.

The phone won't bother me, nothing will bother me!

We won't leave until I get

a terrific idea for a new comic book I can present to Mr. Barker.

[Odie muttering]

No, I'm not worried about running out of food.

You know that catering truck on the street

at the construction site?

While Jon was packing,

I added on a little...

Well, take a look.

[Odie howling]

[crows cawing]

[scary music]

Mr. Barker's secretary said the key was under the doormat.

Hey, don't act so happy, Odie.

I happen to know that this is...

[crows cawing]

...a haunted house.

[Odie muttering]

Just take a look at the title of this episode.

Could I have a copy of the script we're doing now, please?

"The Garfield Show Episode :

The Haunted House."

[Odie whimpering]

[thunderclap]

Come on, we'd better get inside and rest up.

Looks like a big chase scene on page nine.

Thanks.

[thunderclap]

Oh, this is great.

There's no phone to interrupt me.

I can work without being disturbed.

I don't have an idea yet,

but once I get one, watch out!

[Odie whimpering]

Aw, don't worry, pup. Ghosts can't hurt you.

[Odie sighing]

They can only make you hurt yourself.

[Odie muttering]

[ghostly moaning]

Garfield?

Is that your stomach rumbling again?

[jittery groan]

Just in case,

let's see what the Internet has about ghosts.

[ghostly moaning]

[chattering teeth]

[snoring]

[scary music]

What's the big idea? Stop!

What? Hey! Odie?

Odie, you minus-minded mutt.

Waking me up like that.

There's nothing there.

You woke me up... Just a second.

I'm scolding the pooch for waking me up from a dream

about manicotti.

As I was saying,

you woke me up with no rea-- [stuttering]

Odie, remember I said we had a big chase scene on page nine?

This is page nine.

[screaming]

[pacy music]

Oh... I still don't have a good idea for a new comic book,

but the phone isn't ringing and there's nothing to disturb me.

[muffled] Except for my nutty cat and dog.

What are you two doing?

You two are acting like you saw a ghost.

[scary]

There's no such thing as ghosts.

But he's right here.

Open those overly large eyes of yours and take a look.

He can't see me.

There's no such thing. I looked it up on the Internet,

and nothing you read on the Internet is ever wrong.

[cuckoo clock ticking]

Leave me alone so I can work.

I still need an idea.

Oh my...

You saw the ghost.

I saw the ghost.

Why didn't he see the ghost?

Because... he couldn't.

Human beings can't see ghost cats.

We're only visible to other cats,

and pets of extremely low intelligence.

I have to haunt this house for all eternity

or until I get a human to believe in those ghost cats.

Well, isn't haunting a house a good job?

No, it's boring!

Especially when you go - years with nobody inhabiting the house.

I want to be with my friends.

The other ghost cats.

They've gone on to another more interesting place.

I'm going to get out of here.

I'm going to scare that friend of yours

until he believes in ghost cats.

And I'll help you.

Come on!

Maybe a superhero who throws coleslaw at people?

No, it's been done.

Okay, I've got an idea.

Here's what you do.

[whispering]

Yeah, that'll make him believe in ghost cats.

That's cute, Garfield.

But it's not going to make me believe in ghosts.

That's not funny, Garfield.

He's never going to believe.

We're not giving up.

You need to be with your friends,

and I need to be where there's Chinese food.

[humming]

[screaming]

You can stop making those silly noises, Garfield.

There are no ghosts!

[scary music]

Please, don't get my new shirt wrinkled, Garfield.

And there are still no ghosts.

[bouncing]

Very cute, Garfield.

But there are still no ghosts.

It says so on the Internet, remember.

It's no use.

He'll never believe in ghost cats.

Oh yes, he will.

I'm going to have a brilliant idea.

-You are? -Yes.

Let me just check the script and see what it's going to be.

Could I borrow a copy of the script for this episode again, please?

Scene , scene ...

That's a good idea I'm going to have.

Follow me. Thanks!

Jon is not going to believe in ghost cats until he sees one.

But he cannot see me.

No.

But he'll see me.

[laughing]

Oh, it's no use.

I'll have to tell Mr. Barker I don't have an idea

for a new comic book.

[mewing]

[ghostly moaning]

[scary music]

[screaming]

[chattering teeth] It's a ghost cat!

[echoing]

A human being believes in ghost cats.

I'm free!

[barking]

[screaming]

[ghostly moaning]

[screaming]

I'm up here in the mountains, getting a look at this house I bought.

One of my cartoonists is here, and I...

[Jon screaming]

Arbuckle! What's the meaning of...

A ghost cat!

A spooky, terrifying ghost kept going: "Booo, booo, booo!"

Sorry, Mr. Barker, I haven't been able to come up with...

Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh!

A ghost cat?

That's a terrific idea for a new comic book!

It is?

Kids like ghosts, kids like cats.

Arbuckle, you're brilliant.

According to the script,

Jon sold his boss a new idea,

and our friend the ghost cat is freed from haunting this place.

A happy ending.

[honking] But not happy enough.

"Wide shot.

Vito's Pizza truck pulls up

with loads of steaming hot pizzas

for the clever cat."

Every script can use a few improvements here and there.

Keep scrubbing, Odie.

[joyful music]

[upbeat music]

[snoring] [clock ringing]

[upbeat music]

[Odie muttering joyfully]

Oh, hi, Odie.

I'm just about to take a test called "How Brave Are You?"

First situation: a poisonous snake is coming at you.

I'm not afraid.

A giant grizzly bear is attacking.

I'm not afraid.

A man-eating lion is loose.

I'm not even afraid of a cat-eating lion.

An army of monsters and werewolves and vampires is attacking.

I am absolutely, definitely, utterly not afraid.

[Jon] Oh, Garfield.

My nieces Drusilla and Minerva are coming to visit.

[screaming]

[chattering teeth]

Lock the doors! Bar the windows! We have to move to another country!

Help!

Help!

Snakes and bears and monsters can only eat you.

These are Jon's nieces!

Don't you remember them from last season, show ?

[both] Let's play dress up!

We hate it.

[Odie howling]

[screaming]

[doorbell]

That must be them.

We have to hide!

Under Jon's bed! Quick!

[both] Hi, Uncle Jon!

Great to see you, Minerva and Drusilla.

No, I'm Minerva.

And I'm Drusilla.

[both] We're Minerva and Drusilla.

We want to play with the kitty cat!

[both] He's so cute!

Kitty cat! Meow!

Where is Garfield?

Don't worry, Odie.

Even if we have to stay under here the rest of our lives,

I'm prepared.

I knew Jon's nieces might come back,

so I stored crates of canned lasagna.

Gee, I wish I'd brought some for you.

[Odie muttering]

What can they do to us?

They can dress us up in doll clothes

like they did last time.

But I am determined.

I'm absolutely not going to let them do that to me again.

Ah!

No! Stop!

Help! Don't!

Call the humane society!

Call somebody!

The worst part is...

I don't even look good in this color.

Wait, kitty cat!

I have a bridal gown for you to try on! You'll be so beautiful!

We want to play with you!

-Come back! -We have more dress up to play!

Come back!

Kitty cat!

Kitty cat!

We want to dress up the kitty cat!

This is not good.

Let's dress up the kitty cat!

Ladies, you know how hard it is to run in high heels.

[screaming]

Oh, my goodness!

I mean, badness!

[Drusilla] The kitty cat can fly!

Let's dress him up as a flight attendant next!

My, you're a plump one.

Almost big enough for my oven.

I'm sorry, Mrs. Cauldron.

Is she a witch?

She looks like a witch.

Maybe I am,

and maybe I'm not.

But my, you're an adorable little girl.

And my, you're an adorable little girl.

And my, you're not!

And my!

You're not exactly Miss Universe yourself, lady.

Ah, girls, let's let Mrs. Cauldron get home with her shopping, okay?

Oh, thank you.

And maybe you'll come and visit me some time, little ladies.

Let's take you girls inside and read you a story.

We want to hear a story about a witch!

Yeah! We want to hear Hansel and Gretel!

-It's got a witch in it! -Hansel and Gretel it is.

Odie, if you laugh at the way I look,

if you so much as giggle...

Good.

[sniggering]

[laughing] [groaning]

He's right.

"Hansel and Gretel followed the bread crumbs

to the house of the wicked witch." [crashing noise]

"The wicked witch invited them inside

and offered them gingerbread."

Don't just stand there.

We have to prepare to defend ourselves.

That story can't last forever.

I'm going on a spying mission

to find out what the enemy is up to.

"The evil witch tried to push Hansel and Gretel into the oven,

but they were too fast for her."

Never mind the fortress.

It wouldn't keep them out, anyway.

I've got a better idea.

I need to go to the market so I can make dinner.

Keep an eye on Drusilla and Minerva, Garfield.

I'm counting on you.

You made this mistake before.

Kitty cat! Where's the kitty cat?

This is the moment of truth, puppyface!

-We have to act fast! -[Odie barking]

Yoo hoo?

We have a nice prom dress for you to try on.

Look, Drusilla!

You're Drusilla. I'm Minerva.

Oh, right. I can't tell us apart.

There's candy.

Mmmm, this is so good!

Bread crumbs like in that story.

We'll lead them to Mrs. Cauldron's house.

Oh, you came to visit me.

Oh, that's so sweet of you.

Come in, we'll have tea.

I like tea.

I want hot cocoa.

Oh, come in.

We have so much to talk about.

That'll keep them away while I do something of vital importance.

[Odie muttering]

Of course, a nap.

[joyful music]

[yawning] Poor Mrs. Cauldron.

Such an odd lady,

always dressing up like a wicked witch.

Hey! What if she is a wicked witch?

Nah.

There's no such thing, and besides,

it isn't Halloween.

[yawning] I think I'll just get myself some good, good...

[snoring]

[evil witch laughter]

Bubble, my fine potions!

I just need to add some...

eye of newt,

three ounces of raven toenails.

And the final ingredient,

two identical bratty nieces!

Help!

You mean old wicked witch!

You wouldn't do this if Garfield was here!

Well, your friend Garfield isn't here.

And even if he was,

he'd be too fat and lazy to help you!

[both] Garfield, help!

Where are you? Save us, Garfield!

Help us! We need you!

She's a witch!

She's a wicked witch

and she's going to do wicked witch things to Jon's nieces!

I've just got to save them.

[upbeat music]

Wait a minute. Do I?

[Minerva and Drusilla] Garfield!

-Yes, I guess I have to. -[Minerva and Drusilla] Save us!

Garfield! Help!

This is it. Goodbye, Drusilla.

I keep telling you. You're Drusilla.

I thought I was Minerva.

It doesn't matter.

You're both ingredients.

[evil laughter]

Unhand those annoying children!

Hey, do I know how to make a big entrance or what?

Oh! [laughing]

This is perfect!

I have a recipe that calls for a goat.

And where do you think you're going to get a goat at this hour?

Abracadabra!

[laughing]

Aaaaah!

Sure, do it the easy way.

[horror music]

[screaming]

[evil laughter]

[screaming]

[evil laughter]

You ever thought of trading this thing in for a vacuum cleaner?

[screaming]

Have a nice landing!

[evil laughter]

[Jon] Garfield!

Garfield! [bleating]

[screaming]

What happened? Where am I?

Garfield, where are Drusilla and Minerva?

The evil witch is putting them into a twin casserole!

I have to save them!

Drusilla! Minerva! Don't worry!

Garfield's coming to save you!

Don't put them into your recipe, Mrs. Cauldron!

Don't...

Oh, hello, pussycat.

Did you come to join us?

We're having tea with Mrs. Cauldron.

And we're learning all sorts of interesting things.

You knew it was a dream sequence all along.

Why didn't you tell me?

Thank you for a lovely conversation, Mrs. Cauldron.

And all the things you taught us.

Oh! Come back and visit just any time, dears.

Thank you for coming to get us, Garfield.

Mrs. Cauldron convinced us.

We shouldn't make you play dress up anymore.

Aw, gee.

I guess everything turned out great after all.

He'll make a great goat.

Let's make him into a big one!

[both] Abracadabra!

I don't feel like lasagna for dinner tonight.

For some reason, I have a... [bleating]

...craving for old tin cans.

[mewing]

[upbeat music]