02x12 - History of Cats/Dog Days

[bunniefuu]

[snoring] [clock ringing]

[upbeat music]

[joyful music]

Welcome to those of you in sorry need of education.

Today we will explore the history,

the legend of the most superior animal on the entire planet.

Ta-dah!

Not even close.

Of the one million species that inhabit this planet,

none elicit or deserve more respect and admiration

than the cat.

Sore loser.

Clearly, the cat, known scientifically as felis catus,

is the most regal animal on the Earth.

We can trace the history of the cat back to prehistoric times.

A time when saber-toothed cats roomed the land.

The mighty sabertooth was master of the land,

a great hunter

graced with keen senses of sight,

hearing and smell.

When he spotted a delicious prehistoric mouse,

his feline instinct sprang into action.

As his primitive cat cravings took over,

he became a crazed beast,

and nothing could stop him.

Sadly, the sabertooth was wiped out , years ago.

Here's our next lesson. In ancient Egypt,

cats were worshipped as gods.

As well they should be, then and now.

We worship you.

We adore you.

We love your hat.

You rock.

Thank you, thank you.

Really, you shouldn't.

What am I saying?

Yes, you should!

And now, we dance.

[Egyptian music]

Ah, those were the good old days.

Back when they knew how to treat a cat right.

Check this out.

Back in the Middle Ages, the king of Wales said

that cats were not only cute and clever,

but also valuable.

From this day forward,

I decree that all cats

are to be honored and protected!

They are cute, clever,

and, most important,

they are excellent at catching mice!

Boo! Hiss!

Get him off!

Notice how cats love to eat mice!

Relax, I'm not going to eat you.

Thou shalt not?

No. Just playeth along.

[mouse screaming]

[applause] I've got to get a cat!

[acclamation]

So began the myth that cats eat mice.

They don't?

Of course not.

Use what little common sense you have, pooch.

Here's a mouse and here's a pizza.

Which one would you rather eat?

It would be wrong, very wrong,

to think the only value of a cat is to rid the world of mice.

No!

In fact, cats have been behind, if not directly, responsible for

some of the greatest moments in history.

For instance, back in the Arabian desert,

a long time ago...

Here, my cat, I have packed your food,

in these handy bags made from the lining of sheep's stomach.

In here are some mice.

[ironically] Oh, yummy.

Mice for me to eat.

And in this one is some goat's milk.

Oh, that's a little better, but not much.

Couldn't we stop off for Chinese food?

The nearest place is only , miles away.

Enough nomading for one day.

We stop here.

Boy, was it a hot one today.

Since I'm not about to eat mice, I guess I'm stuck with this goat's milk.

[tinkling]

Hey, something's wrong with this stuff.

It solidified into ripened curds of soured milk.

Does anyone have a cr*cker?

Yes.

Triple yum!

I believe I just invented a new food.

[all mice] Give me some of that!

This is a great invention.

I shall call it... cheese!

Now he's giving cats credit for inventing cheese!

That's ridiculous.

Everyone knows cheese was invented by a mouse.

But aside from inventing cheese,

cats have made other great contributions to the world.

For instance...

Florence, Italy, .

The guy at the easel is Leonardo Da Vinci.

Yes, yes!

I can see it coming together now!

Not what you'd call a masterpiece.

Stop, gatto!

Stop, little topo!

You will ruin the great painting I am doing,

which is destined to hang forever

in the galleries of the world.

[screaming]

[crying] My beautiful painting!

Hey, calm down, Lennie.

It's not that wonderful.

I could paint a better painting with my tail.

Now, what shall I paint?

I know, your sister Shirley.

[Da Vinci] Terrible!

But the people who buy art have so little taste.

Good, gatto, good.

What can I give you as a reward?

Well, hundreds of years ago,

my ancestors invented cheese.

I was wondering if you, being Italian, of course,

could combine it with tomato sauce,

and layers of flat pasta noodles.

Then bake for, say,

one hour, in a degree oven?

Now a cat created lasagna!

And painted the Mona Lisa.

.

The study of the great composer

Ludwig van Beethoven.

Nein, nein, nein!

It's all wrong!

Oh, hello, Amadeus. [purring]

Have you caught any mice, today?

[first notes of Beethoven's Fifth Symphony]

[purring]

Wait! Do that again.

[singing first notes of Beethoven's Fifth Symphony]

Oh, brilliant!

Thank you, Amadeus!

You deserve a tasty reward!

That's the truth.

A cat was responsible for Beethoven's Fifth Symphony.

Brilliant!

[mouse] He's taking credit for everything!

No! Hey! Stop!

Come on, guys!

Wait! It's me!

What's all this talk about cats doing this

and cats doing that?

You make it sound like cats have done everything good!

Hey, I can't rewrite history. Can I?

That's all you've been doing here.

Tell them the truth, Garfield.

Well, it mostly happened like--

The truth!

Or we'll let Jon know how many pizzas you put on his credit card last month.

All right, all right.

[hawking]

Ladies and gentlemen,

there were a few details I left out

of the stories I just told you.

Hey, something's wrong with this stuff.

It solidified into ripened curds of soured milk.

This stuff is tasty.

-I think I've died and gone to heaven. -Tasty!

I think we should call this stuff

cheese!

Cheese? Why?

Because...

it looks more like cheese than anything else I can think of.

Okay, everyone.

Let's record this moment in history.

Everyone look at me and say "cheese"!

And that story about Leonardo Da Vinci,

well, it was true what I said.

Sort of...

[crying] She's ruined!

Yeah, sure looks that way.

Maybe you should try painting clowns or Elvis on black velvet.

Hey, I know how to fix that!

[classical music]

Actually, it's not bad.

Not bad at all.

[phone ringing] Hello?

Yeah, he's here.

It's for you, the Louvre, in Paris.

They heard about your new painting--

News travels fast in the world of art.

Hello, the Louvre?

Why, that is the greatest art museum in the world!

Little topo, I want to reward you.

I want to cook something wonderful for you.

Well, I had this idea for something called lasagna.

Lasagna? No.

No one will ever want to eat something called...

lasagna.

Who knew?

And then that story about Beethoven and his Fifth Symphony...

Amadeus! There is a mouse in here!

Boy, for a guy who doesn't hear so good,

he's good at hearing mice.

Hey, take it outside, fella.

Now I have to chase him, I guess.

[upbeat music]

Ah, it's no use!

I do not even know how to start my fifth symphony.

Maybe I should skip it and move on to my sixth.

[first notes of the Fifth Symphony]

Wait!

That is it!

[singing] Ta, ta, ta, taaaa

Genius! Thank you, little mouse!

Thank you!

So you see,

though cats have made their contribution to history,

and so have mice.

Garfield,

that was terrific.

We misjudged you.

You're a pretty honest cat.

Yeah, it takes a big cat to do something like that.

Thanks.

-Bye. -Thanks.

So long.

[Odie muttering]

No of course we're not going to put that stuff about mice on the air.

We'll edit it out and just show the part about how great cats are.

This DVD is the show we just did.

I'm supposed to send it to the networks so they can

broadcast it to the whole country.

But I won't.

That one goes in the trash.

Instead I'm sending them this one,

in which I edited out the mice stuff

and just left in the part about how great cats are.

[Odie muttering]

No, it's not unfair, it's just sneaky.

Besides, name me one smart thing mice have ever done.

Well, for one thing, we're really good at switching videos.

[laughing]

[joyful music]

[upbeat music]

[snoring] [clock ringing]

[upbeat music]

[Nimbus] Yeah, I'm flying over Earth.

I decided to stock up on my favorite Earth food.

They call them marshmallows.

I got a whole cargo hold full of them!

[alarm ringing]

[computer voice] Error. You opened the storage hold.

There goes your supply of marshmallows.

[Nimbus] Oh no! I have to get them back!

[dropping sound]

[sniffing]

Good to see you again, Odie.

You wouldn't have seen something falling from the sky, would you ?

[Odie muttering]

[Odie barking]

Oh, thank you, Odie!

You deserve a reward!

This is a Forever Doggy Cookie.

It's yours.

[Odie muttering]

[crunchy sound]

Interesting cookie, is it not?

It reconstructs itself after each bite.

Thus, you never run out of cookie.

Right?

You might want to hide the cookie in that hole there.

[teleportation sound]

Farewell!

[Odie muttering]

Maybe I shouldn't have given him that cookie.

Might it not have an unpredictable effect on an Earth dog?

Nah!

[snoring]

The most unpleasant invention in the history of mankind.

The doggie-tongue alarm clock.

Go annoy Jon.

[Odie moaning]

[whining]

It says here that the longer you have pets,

the more you start to take after them.

That's a theory some doctors have.

It's not true.

Hi, Odie.

[giggling]

I'm happy to see you too, fella.

I have some literature in my car about this idea

of owners taking on the characteristics of their pets.

I'll be right back with it.

Gee, if I start acting like my pets,

I hope I take after Odie and not Garfield.

I don't think I could eat...

[Jon barking]

Odie...

Get this through that thick doggy skull of yours!

I told you to leave me alone.

[Jon moaning]

No, Jon, I will not throw the stick so you can fetch it.

[Jon moaning]

[Liz] I found the article, Jon.

It says pet owners rarely act like their animals.

[Jon barking]

Jon?

Ew!

I think he wants you to rub his belly.

Jon, this isn't funny. This is...

[Liz barking]

[doorbell]

Why do I have the feeling that whoever this is

is going to make things worse?

I have a registered letter for Mr. Ar--

Stop it, Odie! You shouldn't... [Herman barking]

For some reason, the mailman has gone out to bite mailmen.

Odie!

Somehow, I have the idea you're responsible for this.

[Odie muttering]

I have to figure out what's happening.

I'd better go to the one place where you can find out

anything you want to know about anything.

The Internet!

I'll do a search for "Silly Cartoonist acting like sillier dog."

[all barking]

[Odie muttering]

I found a chat room with people who watch this cartoon.

"Garfield doesn't know Odie slurps transmit alien dog disease lol."

So that's it!

"Garfield reading our online chat to figure out what's going on.

Away from keyboard!"

[laughing]

By the way, Odiefan, you misspelled my name!

I before E!

If their slurps pass on this dog thing to others,

I'd better keep them all in the house.

Wonder where I can get a flea collar that fits Jon.

[grinding noise]

They got away!

[dramatic music]

I have to stop them before it's too late.

[screeching]

It's too late.

[growling]

Down, boy! You're not a dog.

You're Jon's insurance man.

[angry barking]

[dramatic music]

He was like this the time Jon filed a claim, too.

[barking]

There, there, good insurance man.

Good boy.

But I'm really too late.

[barking]

[cat screaming]

Looks like an emergency.

Maybe the governor can do something.

If I am re-elected, I promise that I will rid this city

of all the stray animals that are roaming our streets!

See how much the government employees love me.

They even lick my face!

[growling]

[barking]

You know, that's the most intelligent speech

he's given in eight years.

Look, I know you don't do this very often but think.

Did anything unusual happen to you lately?

[muttering]

Our friend from outer space came by and gave you a weird cookie?

[Odie muttering]

Earth is doomed!

Nimbus is probably a bejillion miles from here now.

I'll never be able to find him and get him to undo this.

Greetings, Garfield.

Nimbus!

I was worried about what effect that doggie treat would have on Odie

so I came to check on him.

But I see he's fine so I'll be on my way.

-[teleportation sound] -Wait!

No, wait! Don't go!

[Garfield screaming]

Let me in! Let me in!

Do you know what's going on all over our city?

Take a look.

What do you make of these reports

that a strange epidemic is turning every human being

on this planet into a dog?

[barking]

In other news,

city firemen report long lines at most hydrants.

It all started with Odie and that cookie you gave him.

I'm sorry but there's nothing I can do.

There is no antidote.

[teleportation sound]

Every person and animal on Earth will soon be a dog

once someone licks them, even you.

This is terrible.

Wait. I've been licked today by Odie

many times!

And I'm still me.

You haven't been infected?

That might mean cats are immune.

Quick! Stick out your tongue.

I need a sample of your saliva to create an antidote!

I've sampled your cat spit

and synthesized a breakdown of its molecular structure.

You folks in the chat rooms probably understand this.

[beep] [device running]

[computer voice] Antidote successfully created.

Great!

Now, we have to spray this all over

everyone who's been licked!

[computer voice] Begin spraying antidote.

[barking]

I don't know what happened.

[barking]

[common chatter]

[barking]

[common chatter]

-Did you? -I don't know. I was terrible.

[joyful music]

[common chatter]

[barking]

What? That was absolutely...

[computer voice] Antidote successful.

All humans have been decontaminated.

One more thing I must take care of.

Sorry, Odie, but you can't keep the forever doggy cookie.

It would create another contagion.

[sad moaning]

But you can have these instead.

[barking]

How does a forever doggy cookie work?

Oh, like this.

You take a bite. [crunchy sound]

And then the cookie restores itself.

Then you take another bite.

[crunchy sound]

And the cookie restores itself.

They wouldn't happen to make...

No, there is no forever kitty lasagna.

Rats!

Farewell again, my friends!

Come on, Odie. Let's go eat.

I know it's weird, guys, but...

I have this craving for Odie's dog food.

Nimbus said it might take a while to wear off with some people.

[Odie muttering]

Well, until it does,

I guess you have to walk him for a change.

[Odie muttering]

[upbeat music]