04x09 - Glitter Gulch

[bunniefuu]

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-[Garfield snores]

-[alarm clock]

[theme song]

[narrator rat]
Nermal's directing

a western movie.


Jon's the sheriff and Garfield

and Odie are his deputies


But maybe not for long...


The evil Dr. Whipple's out

to get them fired


and install his men in their place.


It's all part of his plot

to get his hands


on some gold.

And not just some gold,


but a whole canyon of the stuff.


I can't wait to see how

is going to do that.

[western music]
Sorry folks,

there's no room

for any of you in this film.

Everybody wants to be in the movies.
How do you think the picture's going?

I don't know.

It kind of needs something.

Yeah, you're right.

It needs something exciting.

And today, something loud.

Not that loud.
[moaning]
What are you doing?
Learning my lines.

I could do it with an accent

if you like.


-[moaning]

-That's great, kid.

Let's do the next scene.
Places, everybody!
Can you believe it?

Mrs. Cauldron

got an Emmy Award but not me.

You really deserve one, Garfield.
People, people!
We need you on the set!
Can we do the scene

where we explain about

Glitter Gulch please?

You're the director.
All right, quiet on the set!

This is scene ,

Doc Whipple's office.

Action!

Go out and start a campaign

to fire the sheriff.

I have to get that map

so I can get all the gold

in Glitter Gulch.

Glitter Gulch.

♪So just what is Glitter Gulch♪


♪People like to tell the story

Of a canyon someone found♪


♪As they tell it

There was gold there♪


♪On the ground and all around♪


♪Only one man found the canyon

And he didn't plan to share♪


♪He would grab up every nugget

Everywhere with more to spare♪

[growling]

♪Something made him run in terror♪


♪Something made is blood run cold♪


♪So he came back empty-handed

Never told about the gold♪


♪Only told the current sheriff

And he gave his map away♪


♪And the sheriff locked that map up

'til this day or so they say♪


♪'Til this day or so they say♪


[Herman]

The combination is -...

.

I can remember that.

What do we keep in the safe?

Records and files, mostly.
Unimportant things except for this map.
It's a map to Glitter Gulch.
Glitter Gulch?

The place with all the gold

lying around?

I didn't think it really existed.
Maybe it does and maybe it doesn't.

But the mayor before me

said this map must never fall


into the hands of anyone

who'd try to go there.


And he said that because

the mayor before him said that.


And the mayor before him

and the mayor before him...


I get it.

It sounds like that map is trouble.

Someday, there might be a use for it.

But right now,

don't let any greedy sidewinder get it.


Keep an eye on the office,

I'm going out to search


for the members

of the Mustache Mob.


I have a detailed description

of them here...

"They have mustaches."
I never would have guessed.

Hey, everybody!

We need a new sheriff!

And two new deputies!
Nope. No mustache.
Folks, we really need a new sheriff.
That sheriff has been there too long.
He's only been sheriff for twenty minutes.
Oh.

That sheriff doesn't have

enough experience on the job.

Why the Sheriff's doing nothing!

That ornery Mustache Mob robbed

the First National Bank!

They robbed the Second National Bank!
They robbed the Third National Bank!
Wait a minute.

They haven't robbed

the Third National Bank.


Oh, wait.

That's tomorrow.


They're good. But I'd better

hire a couple more bodies

to help me out.
We left in such a hurry,

I didn't have time to enjoy

the lunch you brought me.


I hope you do. And you can

have some too, Deputy Odie.

What have we got?

I hope it's something

that starts with "L", ends in "ya"

and has "asang" in the middle.
Nope, no lasagna.

But I brought

lots of wonderful things instead!


Tofu! Spinach salad with yogurt dressing!

Veggie Burgers with


imitation cheese substitute!

Alfalfa sprouts! Rice cakes!

And for dessert, more rice cakes!
I thought you said you were bringing food.
This is food.
Good, healthy food.

-And after we're married--

-Married?


This is the kind of meal

I'll cook for you--


-This ?

-Three times a day.

Three?

If that's lunch,

I'm glad I'm not sheriff anymore.

Please. I'm trying to direct.

I don't have much

of a part in this film.


Tell me about it. At least,

you didn't get fired in scene three.


I should have become a zombie.

They work all the time.

If you eat like that, you'll lose this
and you'll weigh a lot less.

Yes. But then there'd be

less of me to love.


Okay, I'm going.

You will eat that lunch, right?

Of course.

[Arlene] I'll be back this evening

with dinner!


An imitation prime rib made

completely out of soybean curd!

I can't wait...

Be careful. Some of that's

getting in your mouth.


Come on.

We're going to eat some real food.


[narrator rat] ♪
Here in this town

It was hardly a secret♪


♪Where you could get

The best food anywhere♪


♪For a good pizza and good things now

And then could get rowdy at Vito's♪


♪Sometimes a fight would erupt in a bang♪


▼He made a rule when you walk

Through the doors there♪


♪You have to check

All your lemon meringue♪

Hey! That last slice is mine!
It is not. It's mine!

There were eight slices

and you've had your four.


There's nothing lower than a guy

who steals another guy's slice

of pepperoni pizza with extra cheese.
Oh, yeah? Go for it!
Stop, stop!

There'll be none of this

in Vito's place of business!


Out, out! And never darken

my swinging doors again!


I hope that's not

how they always serve dessert here.


Greetings. Welcome to Vito's.

Do you have any pies on you?


If I did,

I'd have eaten them by now.


That deputy has the reputation

for loving Italian food.

I know he'll be here soon.

You know what to do

and in case you don't,

I've hired someone else.
He'll be along any second now.

Leave it to me, Doc.

I'll take care of him

right after I perform.

We're not having much luck

blackening the name

of the sheriff and his deputies.

Keep at it.

We must get them fired.

[western music]

Nope.

No mustache here.


I'll have an order of everything

with everything on it

and a side of everything.
And the same for him.
I will prepare your meal
right after I introduce the entertainment.
People, people!

Welcome to Vito's. I am proud

to introduce our star attraction,

the song stylings of Miss Kitty Litter!
[country music]

♪If you're feeling all fatigued

Let us get you all intrigued♪


♪You won't feel all down and drained♪


♪Once you have been entertained♪


♪All we ask for is a chance

Let us sing and let us dance♪


♪Pick a seat in any row♪


♪Sit right down

And watch the show♪


♪To forget about your aches

Here's what we advise♪


♪Try the pizza Vito makes

While we vocalize♪


♪A spotlight, a curtain

And not a single mime♪


♪We will all make certain

You have a happy time♪


♪Now people say our dancing's great♪


♪So light on our paws♪


♪If you like it demonstrate

With some cheap applause♪


♪We're so glad to see you

That we are all aglow♪


♪We will guarantee you

That you enjoy the show♪


Well, hello there.

Mind if I sit?

I believe you just did.

I'm Deputy Garfield

and this is Deputy Odie.


I know who you both are.

I hope you like what I do.


You sure sing purty,

Miss Kitty Litter.

Say, is our food ready?
That's Big Bad Bruno,
the meanest cat for miles around.
Watch yourself, Deputy.
Welcome to Vito's, Signore.

We request that if you have

any pies on you


that you leave them

here at the door.

I'm looking for the new deputy.
I'm looking for you, cat.

I hear tell you're the fastest

eater in the west.


Well, you know how people exagerate,

say silly things--

I'm faster!
I beg your pardon?
I'm faster and I'm here to prove it.
I'm challenging you to a showdown.
Lasagna at ten paces.
I can't believe it!
You're on, Bruno.

Get ready to put your lunch

where your mouth is.


[narrator rat]

Garfield's the deputy in this town.


But the thoroughly rotten

Dr. Whipple's out to get him


and Sheriff Jon fired.


Whipple hired the lovely

Miss Kitty Litter to help him


reach his goal. And now,

another Whipple employee,


Big Bad Bruno, has challenged

Garfield to a contest


to see which of those

is the fastest eater in the West.


Please folks, no wagering.


[Nermal]

Don't call us. We'll call you.

[ringtone]
Phone call for you, Mr. Director.

I don't have time. We're about

to film the big eating contest.

It's the head of the studio.
Hi, Boss.

It's going great

down here on the set.


This is going

to be the best movie you ever--


Oh, you have?

You don't? Oh...


You're right.

It needs something.

I'll work on it. Bye.

They don't like

what they've seen so far?


They think it needs something

and they're right.

Zombies?

I'm still trying to find a place

to use my zombie


and my ninjas. I paid a lot

of money for those ninjas.


All right,

people and whatever else you are!


This is scene , Garfield and

Big Bad Bruno's eating showdown.


Lights!

Camera!

Pasta!
Very well!
This is a contest to determine

who's the faster

eater in all the west!

We all know who's going to win!
It's going to be Deputy Garfield!

Quiet, Rufus.

Now, remember the rules.


The loser has to move back east

and live on nothing but raisins

for the rest of his life!

On your mark...

get set...

Eat!

♪For the next hour

Lasagna was eaten♪


♪Two men competing

For honor bestowed♪


♪One of them would be

The west's fastest eater♪


♪That was of course

If he didn't explode♪

I could take either one

with half my mouth

tied behind my back.

Looks like Bruno's starting to weaken...

The winner! And still

fastest eater in the west!

Deputy Garfield!
Garfield, you won!

You ate six hundred

and twenty-seven lasagnas!

Is there anything you want to say?
Yeah...

Hey, Bruno!

Are you going to finish that?


Please, please!

No brawling in my
ristorante
!


Tell him.

He's the one brawling!

When I get my hands on you...

How about if we have a nice,

peaceful discussion?

Now look what you've done.
Seven years bad luck.

Please, please!

My poor pizzeria!

Hey!

Where are you?

Who turned out the lights?

You're my hero, Deputy!
Garfield... I have a little gift for you.

Just to show my appreciation

for all you fine lawmen do.


It's in my dressing room.

Come on back in a few minutes.

Excuse me.

Could I tell you why

we need to get rid

of Sheriff Jon and his deputies?
Get rid of 'em?

That Deputy Garfield's

the greatest hero I ever seen.

Give that fella a raise, I say.
Having any luck?

None.

The town loves Deputy Garfield.


Then we'll have to find some

other way to get rid of them.


Zeke... Luke...

you sure all this is worth it?

Wah! Sure it is.

Dr. Whipple...

he'll pay us real good


once he finds his way

to Glitter Gulch.

Glitter Gulch?

Someone's fixin' to find

the way to Glitter Gulch? Ha!


You see those three clowns

that just went by?


They think they're going

to find Glitter Gulch.


Glitter Gulch? The canyon

where there's gold lying all around?

That's just a myth.

No, it ain't!

Glitter Gulch is a real place


and I oughta know on account

of I'm the guy who found it.

Fifty-seven years ago, I did!
And if they ever do find it,

boy, are they in for a shock.

All them lizards...

"Lizards?"

There's nothing in my copy

of the script about lizards.

The actors are ad-libbing again!
They keep not following my script.
Hey!

I was up until : a.m. writing this!

Read the lines!

What's the next scene?

Garfield goes to the dressing room

of Miss Kitty Litter.


Oh, and then comes the big runaway

stagecoach scene.


That's good.

But we're still missing something...


Honey, you're wasting your time

cozying up to Deputy Garfield.


He's sweet on Miss Arlene

the schoolteacher.

He can't like everything about her.

Well, I hear he's not wild

about her cooking.

She cooks healthy and...
You saw out there how he eats.
Good luck with him.

Miss Kitty Litter?

You asked me to come back here.

Yes.
All this mess.

This is what I get for being

in a spaghetti western.

Excuse me.

Some people outside told me

Deputy Garfield was here.


I have his post-lunch

midday snack for him.


It's a health food sandwich

with all sorts of vegetables

pretending to be meat.
If you're looking for the deputy,
he's back in the dressing room.
Thank you.
So you said you have a gift for me ?

Yes. You've inspired me so much

with your great heroism

that I wrote a song for you.
A song?
Oh... I was hoping for food.
Then you will love my song.

♪Ever since my eyes first found you♪


♪A moment I will not forget♪


♪I wanted to spend my time around you♪


♪And be your very special pet♪


♪But you

Have given me a clue♪


♪And to win your heart over

I know just what to do♪


♪I'll cook you marinara

I'll cook you Bolognese♪


♪From here to the Sahara

No one's better at these♪


♪I'll make you fettuccine

I'll make you pizza pie♪


♪I'll be your magic genie

If you'll be my guy♪


Now, could we talk

about a little old safe

in the sheriff's office?

There's something in there

I'd like to--


[Arlene]

Is Deputy Garfield in here?

I have his--
Sorry to intrude.

Arlene, wait!

It's not what you think.


Let her go.

She has healthy food for you.

I have cannelloni.

Tell Deputy Garfield

I never want to see him again.


I'm going to go get

on the stagecoach


and move to another

sleepy little western town!

No mustache.

That Mustache Mob must be

miles away from here by now.


Miss Arlene!

Miss Arlene!

Wait!

The stagecoach?

To move to another town?


I've got to go get

on that stagecoach.


Deputy Garfield just went

to get on the stagecoach!

The stagecoach?

That would be a perfect way

to get rid of him.


I know a shortcut

to get there before he does!

Men! Mustaches on!
Hop on board, little lady.

Looks like you'll be

my only passenger.

We'll be leaving in a minute.
Thank you.

Now, we just sabotage

the stagecoach

and no more Deputy Garfield.

How do you sabotage

a stagecoach?

I know. I used to work on one.

These horses are trained to go

wildly out of control

if you make this sound.
[clicking]
Hey, wait!
I'm supposed to be driving that rig!

Now, see what you gone

and done, you idiot.


Yeah! The Deputy

ain't even aboard yet.

Well, sorry!
Help! Help, Garfield!
Awesome! I wrote this.

We're too late!

The stagecoach has left.

[Nermal] Cut!
What an exciting moment!
Let's cut here and take five!
Now?