01x03 - Big Fish/The Dark Side of the Fish

[bunniefuu]

[BUBBLING]

One, two, three, four

Who's that knocking at my door?

Five, six, seven, eight

Hurry up and don't be late

Nine, ten, eleven, twelve

Got a secret I can't tell

Flap your fins
Flip your tail

School's out
Ring the bell

La la la la

Ooh

La la la la

La la la la

Ooh

La la la la

One, two, three, four

Who's that knocking at my door?

Five, six, seven, eight

Hurry up and don't be late

Nine, ten, eleven, twelve

Got a secret I can't tell

Flap your fins, flip your tail

School's out, ring the bell!

[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]

-[CRASHES]
-[MONKEY SCREECHES]

Okay, stylish workout mat,

stylish sweatband, stylish...
[SINGSONG VOICE] Bea.

And we're off. Doot-do-do.

[YELLS] Bea!

[GRUNTS] Bea, Bea, Bea, Bea, Bea,
Bea, Bea, Bea, Bea, Bea!

So, Bea, since Oscar's off studying,
reading a book or something,

guess who you get to spend
the whole afternoon with...

[MIMICS ANGELIC CHORUS]

That's great, Milo, but I'm sort of
on my way to go work out.

I love working out!

-Let's go work out!
-Uh, okay.

Now, Milo, this is an advanced class.

Some of this might be a little tough
since you're just starting, so try to...

Oh, [SINGSONG VOICE] Bea.

See, it's scientifically proven
that guys are strong,

so I will easily be able to do
whatever you little girls do.

Okay, class,

let's start by
lifting half of your tail up like so.

Oh, wonderful.

Ha!

Now raise one fin into the air!

[LAUGHS] Yeah! I think I got it.

Now flip over
and [SINGSONG VOICE] hold! Yeah!

-[CRACKLES]
-Huh?

[GRUNTS]

Since we still have a free fin,

we might as well do some curlies.

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTS]

Let's add some pinkie push-ups
to spice up this routine.

And a-one, a-two and a-three!

[GIRLS GIGGLING]

[GRUNTS]

[BABY CRYING]

Wow.

Coach Salmons!

Why can't I do any of the stuff
the girls are doing?

Oh, Milo, Milo sweetheart.

It just means the girls
are much, much stronger than you.

[GIRLS LAUGH]

I think it's cute how little Milo is.

Quick! How do I get
as big and as strong as the girls?

You just need to do your exercises,

and work really, really hard.

Work hard?! [SCREAMS]

[GROANS]

[MOANS]

Uh, Milo? Can you move your hand?

It's kind of in my lunch.

What's the point, Oscar? Everyone thinks
I'm little and weak, and...

there's nothing I can do about it!

Coach Salmons said you just needed
to work hard and exercise.

You don't understand, okay?

I want to be big and strong

but I don't want to do
all that hard-working stuff.

Milo, what you need
is the proper inspiration,

and that is why it is my duty
as an artist

to create the single
most inspirational song

this world has ever seen.

Come, Oscar.

Ah! We're holding hands.

[MOANS]

Psst! I could not help but overhear
your problem.

I think I might be able to help you.

Please sit.

[SLURPS]

-So, Jumbo Shrimp, what did you...
-Now we travel.

-[WIND BLOWING]
-Dude, where we going?

You know me as a man of science, right?

Actually, Jumbo, I just thought
you were a weirdo.

Then you know I don't exaggerate.

So, believe me when I say
that what I'm about to show you

will blow your mind.

Oh, my gosh! Show me! Show me now!

Milo, us fish grow to fit the size
of our environments,

so, what happens to a fish

when it goes into
a really, really big tank?

It grows big!

-Science?
-Science.

Behold!

It is the big tank!

Wow.

It's all biggie.

See?

My name wasn't always Jumbo Shrimp.

I used to be called Shrimp Shrimp.

And one day I was inside the big tank,

I sat on the chair

and stuff started to happen. [CHUCKLES]

When I came out a little bit later,

I was big and strong.

Yay!

And I never worked out once.

But I must warn you, Milo:

only stay in there 5.03 minutes

or there will be big consequences.

Bye!

[BELL DINGS]

Huh. I don't feel any stronger.

I wonder if it worked.

[GRUNTS]

Huh.

[GRUNTS, YELLS]

[GRUNTS]

[LAUGHS]

I'm biggie!

Now, Oscar, the most inspirational
song in the world

really needs to start out powerful.

-[NOTE PLAYS]
-[SINGSONG VOICE] Love it.

-MILO: Hey, guys.
-[BOTH GASP]

OSCAR: What happened, bro?

You look like a gigantic muscley thumb.

Oh, why thank you, Oscar!

Yup, I've been working out really hard
for the past couple of hours.

[GASPS] Milo.

The mere thought of me
writing an inspirational song

has inspired you to exercise?

I think... I think I'm going to...

Cry!

-[GRUNTING]
-Never, never before have I seen

a short little seed

blossom so quickly into a big,
strong petunia!

Yup, thanks to a lot of hard work.

Wow, Milo, I'm impressed.

You were little and weak
and now you're not.

-You go, Milo.
-[ALL CHEER]

-BEA: Yeah, you go!
-Hey.

The girls don't think I'm weak anymore,

and I bet they'd think
I'm even more not weak

if I got a little bit stronger.

[BELL DINGS]

[GRUNTING]

[GRUNTS]

-[YELLS]
-[ALL CHEER]

Hey, everyone, Milo said
he was going to lift the statue

and then he did.

-He's so strong.
-[ALL CHEER]

Hey!

If these kids think I'm strong now,

I'll bet they'd think
I was even more strong

if I got really strong.

[BELL DINGS]

[GRUNTS]

Ah! [LAUGHS]

[GRUNTING]

I'm not even gonna turn around.

[SIPS]

Hey, y'all, Milo done made a shortcut
to Mr. Baldwin's classroom.

He's strong as a baby duck now.

[ALL CHEER]

Hey!

If they think I'm really strong now,

I should get super strong!

[YELLS]

-[STOMACH GURGLES]
-Oh man,

I shouldn't have eaten
all that fish turkey for lunch.

[SNORING]

[DING]

[YAWNS]
I must've fallen asleep or something.

I should... I should get out of here.

[GRUNTS]

Hey, I'm stuck on something!

[SCREAMING]

[CHOKING]

I... I've got to get to Oscar and Bea!

They'll help me!

[SCREAMING]

[THUNDERING FOOTSTEPS]

[YELLS]

[SCREECHES]

[SINGSONG VOICE] I'm so excited!

I cannot wait to debut

the most inspirational
song in the world to Milo.

Me neither. Wow, Bea,

I guess one could say that you and I
make sweet music together.

-[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]
-[THUNDERING FOOTSTEPS]

-[MILO YELLS]
-[ALL SCREAMING]

It's a gigantic navy boy monster!

[ALL SCREAMING]

Milo need help!

A gigantic navy boy
is attacking my school?!

I knew this day would come.

Miss Fishington,

sound the alarm for the secret army!

[ALARM BLARING]

Huh?

Ah! Ooh! Ah!

-Oh!
-BEA: Wait a second!

That's not a gigantic navy boy!

That's Milo!

Principal Stickler,

that giant is a student at Freshwater.

A student?

Secret army, back into hiding!

I warned you about this, little mister.

Uh, Milo, what's going on?

Guys, look, I might have been using
a shortcut to become big and strong,

instead of exercising,

and now I'm gigantic and I'm sorry.

There is only one way to reverse
the intricate mutations

caused by the big tank.

Ah. There.

The only way to reverse it

is by using the shrink tank.

You'll be good as new
in... 36 hours, Milo. [CHUCKLES]

But what am I supposed to do for 36 hours?

BOTH: Listen to the most inspirational
song in the world.

-[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
-[SINGS] If you're feeling tired

Or a bit lazy

Just turn on this song

And listen to Bea

Bea inspired,
Bea inspired

Bea inspired,
Bea inspired

Bea inspired,
Bea inspired

Bea inspired!

-Bea inspired
-Bea inspired

-Bea inspired
-Bea inspired

-BEA: Bea inspired
-OSCAR: Bea inspired!

[SPOOKY MUSIC PLAYING]

-[BATS SCREECHING]
-[YELLS]

"Bunnies are good,
bunnies are great,

"I wish I was a bunny."

I love bunnies!

Boy, do I love bunnies!

Well, bunnies are truly radical!

Amazing poem, Esmargot. I am moved!

All I can do in this world is try.

-[APPLAUSE]
-Oscar, you're next.

Oh yeah! All right, bro, it's poetry time.

I'm gonna rhyme the patootie
out of this one.

Yeah, I know you will, bro.

"Somebody reboot me,
my shift key is stuck

"Blue screen of pain, endless misery

"Waiting for the cursor to move,
but it never will

"For the mouse is unplugged

"And I die."

Thank you.

[CRICKETS CHIRP]

Why is everybody so quiet?

Needs more bunnies!

Yeah, more bunnies. That's what it needs.

Bunnies?!

There's nothing poetic about bunnies.

Poetry should be a vehicle
to express real emotion,

real serious stuff.

I mean, come on, fish!

Oscar, you're even sweatier than usual.

-Maybe you should go lie down.
-You want my woobie, bro?

Is there nobody who understands me?!

Oh, my tortured soul.

I've gotta get out of here!
[SCREAMS]

Well, all right. Next up is Albert Glass.

"Bunnies, bunnies from here to there

"I love you bunnies everywhere."

Yeah! You nailed it, Albert Glass!

-Whoo!
-Hmm.

What is the deal with bunnies, man?

Bunnies have ruined a lot of lives

with their irrepressible
cuteness-ss-ss-ssa.

[GASPS] You nailed it,

pale kid that boos the cheerleaders
at pep rallies.

Why are you acknowledging
my existence all of a sudden?

I saw your performance in there,

how they mocked you,

how they couldn't hear
the truth of your message.

My card.

Uh, thanks, Mr. Van den Doom,

but I don't need any accounting advice.

Mr. Van den Doom's my dad.

Turn the card over.

Oh, uh, this side.

Yes, yes, the dark side.

"Razor V. Doom,

master of the macabre."

That sounds super serious.

Yes, because life is serious.

[CELL PHONE PLAYS DIRGE, BEEPS]

-[WOMAN SPEAKS]
-Uh, no, Mom,

I told you three times
I want tiny pizzas tonight.

-Yes.
-[BEEPS]

Wow, nobody really does
understand you,

just like me.

I must know everything!

Please, no physical contact.

Just know that you are not alone.

There are those of us who understand
the darker side of emotion,

who reject the appeal of bunnies,

who live outside the realm of the norm.

Whoa!

How did you all fit in that tiny shadow?

The shadow runs deep
for those who are aware enough to see.

Oh boy, am I aware!

Yip-yippee ki-yay!

Yeah, we'll have to work on that
if you're going to hang with us.

Why didn't I do this years ago?

It feels so right!

Mmm, mind the smile.

Oh, hey, is that a new kid?

-So mysterious.
-Gir-rl.

[BOTH GASP] It's Oscar.

Bea, his face is all sickly and pale.

Oh, my gosh. No, Milo.

I think that's makeup on Oscar's face.

No, Bea, only clowns wear makeup.

Milo, I wear makeup.

I calls 'em as I sees 'em.

Hello, young fish.

What did you do to your front teeth?

Filed them down to have fangs.

-And your clothes?
-Dark like my soul.

Ezariah Bubblethorn.

Yes, Razor?

-Ezariah Bubble-what?
-[LAUGHS]

Dude. Oscar...

That's not my name anymore, Milo!

It's Bubblethorn.

We are going to convene in the library

to bare our tormented souls.

We'll be waiting by the radiator.

Don't you see?

These guys get me
in a way no one else could understand.

Oscar. Dude, pump the brakes.

You're acting like
some kind of funky chicken.

No, Milo.

Maybe I'm just acting like the real me.

[MOANS]

The abyss beckons.

Welcome, partners in misery,

to the third bi-weekly meeting
of our poetry group.

Your ideas are safe here.

There will be no judgments.

Bleak Molly, commence your
poetic offering.

"Dear rainbows, please hang up

"And try your call again

"For I am busy."

I feel your pain, sister!

I've read better poetry
on a bubblegum wrapper.

I thought you said no judgments?

Hmm, is that a blonde hair?

[GASPS] Don't look at me!

-[CRIES]
-Bubblethorn,

your time to shine.

Oh, my gosh, you guys, I'm so nervous

to share my thoughts with my new friends.

-Begin.
-I mean, I'm just so excited.

-It means so much to me...
-Just begin.

...to have people who understand, really.

I've been really searching.
I mean, this is really super important.

Mmm.

[NERVOUS CHUCKLE]

[CLEARS THROAT]

"The raven descends on my laptop

-Pecking, pecking!
-[RAVEN CAWS]

"I shut my laptop
and the raven flies away."

-[RAVEN CAWS]
-Thank you.

Well done, Bubblethorn.

That was miserable.

You really think so?

Oh, you guys are the be...

[ALL MOAN]

I will have the blackened chicken,

the black beans,

the black olives,

-the black...
-And for you?

-[MIMICS CAT HISS]
-I'll have the ambrosia salad, please,

-with sprinkles.
-Mmm.

What? What did I say?

Bubblethorn,

I'm bumping with your attitude.

My attitude?
But I love being here with you guys.

Yes, it's all lollipops
and bunnies with you, isn't it?

Bunnies? No! I... I told you
I don't like bunnies!

I've had it with them!

It's just hard work
to be serious all the time!

I don't know.

I thought I saw real darkness in you,

but now I'm not so sure.

No, please!
I want this more than anything!

Your mascara is running.

A sign you bleed the darkness.

But we cannot know for certain
until tonight's initiation.

Initiation?!

Oh, does that mean
endless poetry readings forever?

Yes,

something like that.

[BOTH MOANING]

Bea! Bea! Bea!

Psst! Bea!

-Milo?
-Fresh ball!

[GRUNTS]

You didn't have to sneak in, Milo.
Gym is coed.

[LAUGHS] Coed.

Bea, Oscar's in trouble.

I'm in the middle of a game, Milo.
[GRUNTS]

Hit me, Bo Gregory!

Coach Salmons,
the ball done talked to me again.

Seriously, I heard that tonight...

-Hey, Shellsea.
-Eww.

... tonight is the big
initiation ceremony.

Oscar is gonna become
one of those clown guys forever.

We can't lose him forever.
We have to do something.

-Like what?
-Something.

-Hot dog!
-[WINDOW SHATTERS]

Best of luck on your journey,

talking volleyball!

[WOLF HOWLS]

Let the initiation ritual begin.

Yay!

Uh, I mean, moan!

Hair gel,

spooky contact lenses,

and a temporary tattoo.

[SCREAMS]

I mean, hey, that was miserably easy.

We are not done yet.

There is one final challenge.

Anything. I'll do anything.

You must renounce
all things that represent

the happiness of your old life.

And you must throw them into the pit.

[BOTH MOAN]

What's in the pit?

The worst thing
you could possibly imagine.

[FOGHORN BLOWS]

No, even worse than that.

Oh jeez, that sounds pretty bad.

Uh, I don't know if I have anything
to throw in the pit.

I didn't really come prepared.

-It's okay.
-We got you covered.

Bea? Milo?

As you can see, I'm dressed just like you.
[CHUCKLES]

What are you guys doing here?

We heard your initiation was tonight.

So, I did a little research
on this whole initiation ritual

and we wrote a poem,

hoping it would be meaningful enough
to throw into the pit.

A poem?

[CLEARS THROAT]

"It's okay to be serious

"And it's okay to be sad..."

"But, please don't forget
the friends that you had..."

"We love bunnies,
we truly, truly do..."

"But not as much as we miss you."

You... you wrote that for me?

-Come back with us, Oscar.
-Yeah, dude!

Let's go have some serious fun.

Um, uh, I'm touched, guys, I really am.

I mean, it's kinda like you understand me.

-BOTH: Duh.
-Mmm.

I find nutrition facts
to be better poetry than that bile.

You know what, Razor?

You said you accepted me
for who I am, no judgments,

but it turns out
you're the most judgmental of all.

So, what are you saying?

Uh, I'm saying you're judgmental.

Oh, that's cool.

I'm also saying

I'm no longer Bubblethorn.

In fact, I never really was.

I am Oscar, friend of Bea and Milo!

-Mmm.
-[ALL SCREAM]

By the way, our band
is playing the Hokey Poke

next Tuesday at 8:00. See you there.

[ALL SCREAM, THUD]

-What the...
-Bunnies!

Bunnies?

That's the worst thing Razor
could possibly imagine?

Maybe bunnies aren't so bad after all.

-[SCREECHES]
-[SCREAMS]

-[JACKHAMMER RATTLING]
-[HAMMER POUNDING]

What have you got going on
down there, Mouse?

In mere seconds,
I'll be doing anything I want.

Look, fish get to swim, snakes slither,

but have you ever heard of...

-[JET ROARING]
-...an animal who can fly?

[SQUAWKS]

Birds can fly.

I know, Snake.

I know.

SNAKE: Ooh, bats can fly too.

MOUSE: Yeah, I get it.