01x07 - Fail Fish/Funny Fish

[bunniefuu]

[BUBBLING]

-[SONG BEGINS]
- One, two, three, four

Who's that knocking at my door?

Five, six, seven, eight

Hurry up and don't be late

Nine, ten, eleven, twelve

Got a secret I can't tell

Flap your fins, flip your tail

School's out, ring the bell

La, la, la, la

Ooh

La, la, la, la

Ooh

La, la, la, la

Ooh

La, la, la, la

Ooh

One, two, three, four

Who's that knocking at my door?

Five, six, seven, eight

Hurry up and don't be late

Nine, ten, eleven, twelve

Got a secret I can't tell

Flap your fins, flip your tail

School's out, ring the bell!

[SONG ENDS]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

[SQUEAKS]

And that, class, is how Shellington
won the battle of water in the loo.

Look at the bunny!

-It's so cute!
-Milo!

It's not bunny-looking time.
It's learning time.

Yup, I knew that.

Hey, friends.

Scootchy-scootch.
Scootchy-scootchy-scootch.

You, uh, all settled in there, Milo?

One second. A-scootchy, a-scootchy
A-scootchy- scootchy-scootchy!

-Okay.
-Oh, good.

I wouldn't want you
to be uncomfortable.

Oh, I appreciate that, Mr. Baldwin.

Now then, after flushing the enemy,
Shellington went on to...

Milo, pop quiz. Tell me what I just said.

[KISSES] Oh, you're French you say?
Ooh-la-la!

-Milo!
-Yeah, yeah, I'm good.

-See me after class.
-BOTH: Uh-oh.

We need to talk, Milo.

Oh, are you having trouble
with the ladies again?

Of course, but this time
we need to talk about you.

Whoa! I ain't no lady.

Milo, you're failing this class.

If you can't focus enough
to pass tomorrow's test,

I have no choice
but to hold you back a year.

[GASPS] Hold me back?

Ah, I get it!

You think that I am so awesome

that you just want to keep me
around here for another year.

I mean, let's face it, we have
shared a lot of laughs together.

I stopped laughing in 1986.

The fact is you need to study, Milo.

Study like you've never studied before,
because you have to save myself...

I mean, yourself,
from another year of this.

Do you understand me, Milo?

You know, for a guy who doesn't laugh,
you sure make some funny jokes.

[LAUGHS] I'm gonna go get some lunch.
Do you want anything?

Milo, I'm... I'm serious!

[SQUEAKING]

-[SCAT SINGING]
-Oh my gosh, Milo.

What happened with Mr. Baldwin?

Does he have lady trouble again?

Yes, and he said he's gonna hold me back
unless I pass tomorrow's test.

But secretly I think
he can't bear to part with me.

-Hold you back?
-[GASPS] Milo! That's horrible news!

-Why?
-I don't think you understand.

if you're held back...

...it'll ruin your chances
for a good college!

And we'll lose you as a friend.

Well, somebody's being
a little... [SING-SONG] dramatic.

Guys, don't worry. We're best buds.
School can't get in the way of that.

Not true, Milo.
The code of the schoolyard says

"fish in different grades
cannot be friends."

What? That's crazy talk.

-[MALE VOICE] He's right.
-Oh, hi. And you are?

Don't you remember? I'm Kevin.

No.

The four of us were the best of friends,
and we went on many adventures, see?

KEVIN: Like when we went outside
of the tank in water suits.

[CHUCKLING] Or when Milo got a dog
Or the time we saved Christmas.

But because I was held back,
no one remembers me.

Oh my gosh! This is serious!

I don't want to lose you!
You have to help me learn!

Don't worry, bro. You can count on us.

Yeah, can't nothing
break up this band of bros...

And one sister, who's not related.

In fact, not a sister at all.

Details, details. [SING-SONG] Doodley-doo.

-[ALL LAUGH NERVOUSLY]
-Hey!

Oh, hi. And you are?

[SOBS]

All right, Milo, are you ready to study
harder than you've ever studied before?

[SCOFFS] Do you know
who you're talking to?

I happen to be an expert
study... er... ing guy.

And I can absorb
any information given to me,

Like this history lesson.

-[CRUNCHING]
-[LOUD GULP]

[BELCHES] Ah!

Now the information will
be absorbed by my body,

and in three hours it will leave
to make room for more information.

Mmm.

Wait, what were
we talking about again?

[GROANS] We're gonna have
to try some new tactics.

Okay, Milo, it's obvious just sitting
there and studying isn't going to work.

Tell me about it.

So, I thought we could
liven up the studying

with the power
of the [DRAMATICALLY] theater!

Places, everyone. Places.

Hello, great and noble fish of this land.

We come from a place far away
and we are sick and very hungry.

Oh.

Oh, I'm sorry you're sick, Esmargot.
Do you need a tissue?

She's not really sick, Finberley!
It's a play.

Actually, I am kind of sick.
I'm always kinda sick. [SNEEZES]

-Ew.
-Pull it together, guys.

We have to teach Milo.
Clamantha, your line, please.

-I'm a clam.
-No! [GROANS] This is all wrong!

[SIGHS] The line is...

[CLEARS THROAT] In 1620,
the pioneer fish of our tank

came together to celebrate
the first... [SING-SONG] Fishgiving.

Do you see what I'm doing there?
[SING-SONG] Fishgiving!

Are you learning anything, Milo?

A long time ago, there was a sick
cowboy who wanted some turkey.

Right? That's it, right?
That's the answer?

Oh, wait, that's not it.
I'm gonna lose you guys forever!

Oscar, you can help me, right?

I believe so, but my study technique
is a little more scientific.

Whatever it takes.

Okay, close your eyes
and follow the sound of my voice.

[WAILS]

We are traveling through time!
[WAILS]

Stop. We've reached our destination.
Now open your eyes

And behold, the siege of Fishtroy!

OSCAR: Jumbo and Albert will lead
the Greek fish invaders.

Opa!

And I'll command the fish Trojan defense.

Oh!

Here we have the archers and the mighty
Spearmen defending our fair city.

Versus Achilles and the mighty Ajax.

Two armies locked in combat
over the most beautiful fish in the world.

-Bea?
-[STAMMERS]

-No! Uh, Helen of Fishtroy.
-Oh, that was my next guess.

Give us Helen.
We're super tough fish.

What do you think, Milo?
Are they strong enough to take her?

I don't know.

But they've got a robot. It's obvious.

Of course it is,
but you've forgotten one crucial detail...

I have no idea
what's going on here!

[SIGHS] I'm sorry, guys.

I really wanna pass the test.
It's just nothing's working.

Well, we've covered the basics.

Maybe you're just
an untraditional student.

-You shut your mouth!
-No, no, no, what Bea means is,

maybe compared to other kids
your brain works differently.

Oh, forget it. I give up.

All these facts and dates,
they just don't stick to my brain.

It's like my brain is made
of non-stick spray,

which was invented on May 4th, 1986.

-[BOTH GASP]
-Milo, how did you know that?

MILO: I learned that when we were
almost run over

by that can of non-stick spray
last Fishtober 13th.

-That's amazing.
-MILO: It was like the time

we were almost eaten by that jellyfish
inside the aquarium last June 30.

[GASPS] Did you know that
jellyfish are 95 percent water?

What? That means I'm, like,
only 5 percent jelly.

What?

MILO: Or that other time on July 31st
in the sewage treatment center...

Wait, Milo. How can you remember

every detail of every time
you almost got us k*lled,

but not remember one history fact?

[GASPS] I got it!

That's the untraditional
way that Milo learns.

[GASPS] When his life is threatened!

BOTH: We have to k*ll Milo. [LAUGH]

Uh, I don't like
where this is going.

[SONG BEGINS]

Final exam, final exam

It's time to get ready for the final exam

Final exam, final exam

It's time to get ready for the final exam

If you wanna pass, you'd better know

How coral forms, why seaweed grows

How flowers get food
Is one you can't miss

Photosynthesis

Final exam, final exam

It's time to get ready for the final exam

Final exam, final exam

It's time to get ready for the final exam

Final exam, final exam

It's time to get ready for the final exam

Final exam, final exam

You better be ready
For your last chance final exam

You'll do fine if you put in the time

Just keep your head down
Put your nose to the grind

Literally.

[SONG ENDS]

BALDWIN: Test time.

-[ALL GROAN]
-CLAMANTHA: Yay!

Ah, you can smell the anticipation.
[SNIFFS]

Oh, smells like fish. Wait a minute!

Something's off. Hey, where's Milo?

Has anyone seen Milo?

I'm here, Mr. Baldwin. [COUGHS]

I'm just gonna need a little help
getting to my desk, that's all. [GROANS]

-What happened to you?
-He's been studying really hard.

I'm so filled with knowledge
right now that... it hurts!

Studying, huh? Well, I want to believe it
so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.

[GASPS]

[GROANS]

[MILO MUMBLING]

-Done!
-I'll take that.

Now let's see here.

-[MILO WHIMPERS]
-[BEA GASPS]

-[HEAVY BREATHING]
-[WHIMPERING]

[LOUDLY] Do you mind?

What'd I get? What'd I get? What'd I get?

Well, Milo, you got a...

good enough grade to pass!

-I'm good enough?
-Just barely.

-You're barely good.
-Whoo-hoo!

-I'm not losing my friends!
-[CHEERING AND LAUGHING]

And I'm not losing anymore
hair due to stress.

-Oh, Milo, I'm so proud of you.
-Yeah, bro, you really pulled through.

Oh, I couldn't have
done it without you guys.

One thing though, it's sure gonna be hard
to say goodbye to that French girl.

She was smokin'.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

[BIRD SQUAWKS]

I love this show.

I know, I could totally
watch it, like, all day.

MILO: It's so much better
than last season.

[BIRD SQUAWKS]

Yeah, the cat never learns. [LAUGHS]

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

[BIRD SQUAWKS]

[MEOWS]

[CAT HOWLS]

[MEOWS]

[LAUGHING]

Cat in a bucket!

[WEAKLY] I'm gonna... pee myself.

I already did. [LAUGHS]

Mmm.

Dude, why aren't you laughing?

[SHRIEKING] What does it matter?
Why do you care?

Just get off my back, okay?

-What was that all about?
-Maybe you should go check on him.

-[TYPING]
-Oscar. Are you okay?

-OSCAR: I'm fine.
-[GASPS] You're blogging!

Everything is not fine.
You only blog when you're upset.

Just go back and watch your show.

-Do you need a hug?
-Not today.

Come on, talk to me, man.
Let the power of the hug open your heart.

Hey, is everything...
Oh my gosh, Oscar's blogging!

Oscar, listen to me.

Whatever is troubling you,
you'll make it through, I promise.

I don't want to talk about it!

-Should I use the face?
-It's the only way. Just be gentle on him.

BEA: [ROBOTICALLY] Oscar, look at me.

-Bea?
-No, Oscar, don't see Bea,

the beautiful and talented woman.

Just see computer screen,

the unjudging face
you can tell anything to.

I... I... I don't get it!

I don't get what's so funny
about that show.

That's it? You didn't laugh
at the cat? No biggie, man.

I don't get what's so funny about
most things you two laugh at.

It makes me feel kind of
different and stupid.

[ROBOTICALLY]
Computer screen is sorry for you.

-Yeah, you should probably stop that.
-Sorry.

Oscar, don't worry.
I mean, yes, a good sense of humor

is number one
on a girl's list of hot-guy traits,

but you have other good qualities.
Like tidiness.

Oh, and that thing you do
with the soap.

[SOBS] Please help me.
Help me to laugh.

-You think we can do this?
-We have to do this...

-for Oscar.
-For Oscar.

For me!

MILO: Just, just relax your face.
Just relax.

Now I was thinking about your condition.

and you know how some
people are color blind?

MILO: I think maybe you are funny blind.

So I got you these
special glasses to help.

Ah-ha, now you're ready for the masters
to teach you what's funny.

I hope this works.

Okay, Milo, here's your script.

No, thanks.
I'm more of a wing-it kind of guy.

Improv! I could do that.

Knock, knock.

-It's your line.
-What?

-It's your line.
-Oh, okay. Read me in again.

-Knock, knock.
-Little old lady who?

-Thank you and good night.
-No!

See? This is why we need a script.

-But scripts are for suckers.
-Somebody call me?

[SUCKING]

Am I supposed to be laughing yet?

No, hang on. Come on, Milo.
We've got to do this for Oscar.

Right, for Oscar.

Why do you keep doing
that pausey thing?

Visualization. I imagine I am
a very funny comedienne,

about to tell a joke
at a packed nightclub.

Oh.

Well, I'm gonna imagine that
I'm a surfing polar bear.

[GROWLS] Hang ten!

Milo, we have to tell the joke

or else Oscar will never
know how to be normal.

[SIGHS]

[TYPING]

Now let's see--
how to find "sense of humor."

Here we go.

Hurry up!

[CAT HOWLS]

Again! Again! Play it again! [LAUGHS]

[FLUSHING]

-Oscar, no!
-It's no use, Milo.

I'm never gonna learn
how to laugh at anything.

Hmm. Hey, you remember that time

when you bet me I couldn't
fit 20 apples in my mouth?

Yeah, you sure do love apples.

And grapes. They're healthy.

But I knew there was no way
I was gonna fit them all in

so I just pretended to do it.

-You what?
-I pretended.

I gave you 20 fish dollars for that.

Exactly. See?

If you pretend to laugh at everything,

everybody will think you have
a great sense of humor.

-People will like me...
-Yup, yup, yup.

...if I just pretend
to laugh at everything?

-Laugh at everything.
-I'll do it!

[LAUGHS WEAKLY]

Hmm, that sounds like a dying hamster.

-Try again.
-[FAKE LAUGH]

-No, come on. You can do better.
-[LAUGHS]

-Laugh like you mean it!
-[LAUGHS]

Bigger! Be a man! Give me a big-man laugh.

-[LAUGHS LOUDLY]
-Whoa, too big.

You don't want people
to think you're a psychopath.

-[LAUGHS]
-Better.

MILO: Is it chocolate or is it butter?

And that's when he said, "that's not
tapioca pudding. That's shampoo."

[BOTH LAUGH]

[LAUGHS] Whoo!

He thought it was pudding.

-[OSCAR LAUGHING]
-Oscar, you're laughing.

-I am.
-Good for you.

[LAUGHS]

[LAUGHS]

[SONG BEGINS]

When you smile
The world is yours

Always in style, never a chore

Yes, when you smile

Your heart, it glows

And all you need
is right beneath your nose

Yes, when you smile from ear to ear

-[BELCHES]
-[SINGING] Just like a child

It grows more every year

'Cause when you smile

Life's at your feet

Oscar's smile just can't be beat

[SONG ENDS]

[LAUGHS]

-Looking good, Oscar.
-Thanks, ladies.

I was down in the dumps since
my dirt pile got knocked over.

But your laughter made me
all happy-like again.

[LAUGHS] Sounds great.

If we laughed at anything,
I guess it would be you.

-Thanks, guys.
-Oscar, I want to see you in my office...

To tell you about the award ceremony...

In which I present you with
the most popular student award.

-[CHEERING]
-This is the best day of my life.

Milo, I just want to thank you
for teaching me how to laugh.

-Or at least how to pretend to.
-[LAUGHING]

Move it, guppies!

-Wha!
-[OSCAR LAUGHING]

[TEETH CHATTERING]

[OSCAR CONTINUES LAUGHING]

[OSCAR LAUGHING]

Me and you, three o'clock!

Jocktopus will punch that
smile off your face.

[HYPERVENTILATES]
This wasn't supposed to happen!

I just wanted to fit in,
not get creamed to a pulp.

[PANTS] Got to run away.

-[SCREAMS]
-Don't you go nowheres.

Yeah, Jocktopus gets cranky
if he doesn't do his daily punching.

I like raspberry cake.

-Hike!
-[OSCAR SCREAMS]

-Oscar!
-Are you okay?

-Yeah, I think so.
-Okay, everybody relax.

Good idea.

-Are you...
-...bananas?

I thought that maybe
if I laughed at everything

I'd be more fun to hang out with.

That is the stupidest
thing I've ever heard.

That's what I said!

Oscar, I like you the way you are.

That's what I said!

Milo, Oscar needs our help right now.

Wait, Oscar. I've got it.

You can just pretend to laugh.

Uh, yeah, that's the same idea
that got me into this mess.

I know, but this time
it'll be even more genius.

[WHISPERS]

Where is he?
Jocktopus's time is valuable.

Milo: Oh, Jocktopus!

-Are you sure about this?
-Have I ever been wrong?

I'm doomed.

Oscar is ready for his pummeling now.

Never has a pummeling felt so good.

-[LAUGHS]
-You still think this is funny?

[LAUGHS]

[OSCAR LAUGHS SHAKILY]

[OSCAR GROANS]

-[LAUGHS]
-What's wrong with you?

What kind of freak
likes getting bullied?

Go ahead, Jocktopus.
Give him your worst. Oscar loves it!

-[LAUGHS]
-Seriously, you're freaking Jocktopus out.

[LAUGHS] Whoo! Whoo!

Stop it!
Stop laughing at Jocktopus!

[ALL LAUGH]

[SPITS, LAUGHS]

[LAUGHING]

Why are you all
laughing at me?

[SOBS]

-[LAUGHS WEAKLY] Is he gone?
-Yup.

Good.

Man, laughing at everything
sure was tiring.

And painful.
Don't forget painful.

You did it, Oscar. You survived.

-I knew you could do it.
-Yeah, I guess I did.

You know, as Jocktopus was smashing
my head on the ground,

-I realized something.
-Gravel is hard?

Yes, and I don't need to laugh
to enjoy my time with you two.

You like me for me
and that's all that matters.

That's what we've been saying, silly.

Guys, guys, the show is on.

[MUFFLED MEOWING]

-[BEA AND MILO LAUGHING]
-OSCAR: I still don't get it.

[SQUEALS] Those fish are crackups!

Hey, why aren't you laughing, mouse?

[GASPS] Your sense of humor's all
messed up just like Oscar's.

No, I get the jokes.
I just don't think they're funny.

Sheesh! Well, what do you think is funny?

-[SNAPS FINGERS]
-[CIRCUS MUSIC PLAYING]

-[HORN HONKS]
-[LAUGHS]

-MOUSE: Now that's entertainment.
-[HORN HONKING]