01x19 - Run, Oscar, Run/Mascotastrophe

[bunniefuu]

[BUBBLING]

-[SONG BEGINS]
-One, two, three, four

Who's that knocking at my door?

Five, six, seven, eight

Hurry up and don't be late

Nine, ten, eleven, twelve

Got a secret I can't tell

Flap your fins, flip your tail

School's out, ring the bell

La, la, la, la

Ooh

La, la, la, la

Ooh

La, la, la, la

Ooh

La, la, la, la

Ooh

One, two, three, four

Who's that knocking at my door?

Five, six, seven, eight

Hurry up and don't be late

Nine, ten, eleven, twelve

Got a secret I can't tell

Flap your fins, flip your tail

School's out, ring the bell!

[SONG ENDS]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

[MEOWING, HISSING]

-Oh!
-[BONE SQUEAKS]

[CHITTERING]

MR. BALDWIN: Then fill it up with water
and check the temperature.

It should be roughly 93.35 degrees.

Then I add my bubbly bath oils
and hop into the tub.

Monster attack!
Everyone freak out!

Argh! We're all gonna die!

Just kidding.

Principal Stickler.

That is not a nice thing to do
to a man in my condition.

Anywho, I came to announce

that we have a special student
in this class

-that we would like to celebrate...
-[FIREWORKS CRACKLING]

-...and sound the alarm...
-[HORN BLOWING]

...for this pupil has broken
the school's perfect attendance record.

And that student is...

Fishington, light a fire
under that caboose!

...the tall, sweaty one.

[CHUCKLES] Oh my gosh.

But I skip, like, every other class.

-Not you.
-Hooray!

I mean Oscar.

Whoa, that's me.

I can't believe it.
I finally did it.

Oscar, come up to accept
your award certificate.

And now it's time for you

to get your picture with the fish mayor.

You've made us proud, Oscar.

[CAMERA CLICKS]

I accept this award on behalf of
all students less punctual.

This is the happiest Wednesday of my life!

Whoa, whoa! Today is not Thursday?

Um...

My mistake.
You break the record tomorrow.

[SMASHING]

You've not made us proud, Oscar.

-[GRUNTS]
-Eh, stuff happens.

Fishington here
knows all about disappointment.

-[HORN SOUNDING]
-[FLIES BUZZING]

Look, tomorrow if you make it
into that seat

by the time your name
is called at roll call,

you'll have broken the record again
for the first time.

-easy...
-as...

Pie-thagorean theorem solving.
Whoo-hoo!

[LAUGHS]

Okay, I find math jokes funny.

Stop staring at me, Finberley.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Huh, I wonder who that could be.

Ooh!

Let's celebrate.

Thanks, Milo, but I haven't
broken the record yet.

But you will.

That's sweet, Milo.
Thanks.

But, you know, it's getting late.
I should get to sleep.

I've got a big, important day tomorrow.

I know. That's why I got you this!

A time machine?

Much better.

I got you a fancy alarm clock
with programmable alarms.

Thanks, bro,
but I already have an alarm clock.

Not anymore.
I sold it.

How do you think I could afford
this new alarm clock?

[OSCAR GROWLS]

All right, let's set this thing up.

Ooh, 47 different alarm sounds?

Cool, huh?

Yeah. Which one should I choose?

It's your special day.
You choose.

Okay. Thanks, Milo.

Good night.

[BIRD SQUAWKING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[YAWNS] That's weird.

I woke up before my alarm.

Milo, what time is it?

Seven-thirty.

What? I was supposed to wake up
thirty-seven minutes ago.

-Why didn't the alarm go off?
-Oh, it did.

[LULLABY PLAYING]
Hush, little Oscar, please wake up

You've got to get to school
For your big, big day...

-Told you.
-Why would you record

an inspirational wake-up call
as soft as possible?

Because I love you.

[OSCAR SCREAMS]

[WHIRRING]

[COOING LIKE A BABY]

-Okay, clock check.
-Clock check.

Eighteen-and-a-half minutes left.

Let's go do this thing.

Ha-ha! Yeah!

-Hey, Oscar.
-Good morning, Bea.

I'm so excited for your big day.

Whoa, you're going to school
with your hair like that?

What's wrong with my hair?

I mean, you are going to get
your picture taken for the newspaper.

Oh my gosh.
You're right.

It'll take two seconds.

[HUMMING A TUNE] No.

[HUMMING] No.

I really think we need to go.

Okay, one more second.

-Oh.
-What?

[SCREAMS] Fix it, Bea!
Fix it, fix it, fix it!

We could use this piece of broccoli.

[SING-SONG] La, la, la, all better.

Let's go.

There's the school.
And we have 15 minutes.

[SIGHS] I'm gonna make it on time.

Ooh!

Um, Jocktopus,

can you scootchy-scootchy
that thing out of the way, please?

Jocktopus is tying new shoes.

Over, under, and through the loop.

Next shoe.

Over, under, and through the loop.

Uh, we'd better go around.

Next shoe. Next shoe.

Next shoe. Next shoe.

Argh, this is ridiculous!
Let's just ask him to move.

No way.
He's a monster.

Nonsense.

I'll just ask politely.

Excuse me, Jocktopus.
[GIGGLES]

We're trying really hard
to get to school on time,

but you're kind of blocking our way.

So could you just please
scootch to one side

so we could get through the door, please?

That was politely put and what you ask
is completely reasonable.

[GIGGLES] Oh, well, great.

-Jocktopus throw you now!
-What?

[GRUNTS]

[SCREAMING]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

-[ALL MOAN]
-What are we gonna do?

We're so far away.

We'll never swim back in time.

Who said anything about swimming?

[HONKS HORN]

Clamantha? Why?

How'd you know we were
all the way out here?

Oh, I just knew.
[LAUGHS MANIACALLY]

Uh, you guys, I'd rather
take my chances swimming.

Ohh.

Ugh. Guys?

She's right, Oscar.
It's the only option.

[MOANING, TEETH CHATTERING]

Oh no, my hair thingy has fallen out.

Can you get it for me, Oscar?

No.

Hey, you just missed our turn.

Sorry. Distracted.

[MOANING]

[CLAMANTHA MOANING]

[MOANING INTENSIFIES]

Okay, Clamantha, here's another turn.

Just slow down and don't miss it.

That's it! Give me the wheel.

-Okay.
-[ALL SCREAMING]

-[SIREN WAILING]
-Oh no.

[TIRES SCREECH]

Man, police sirens are loud.

You should have had one of those
wake you up, Oscar.

[METAL JINGLING]

Good morning, Fish Officer.

Will you please roll down the window?

Oh, I'm sorry for her driving, sir,

but we're kind of
in a tight situation here.

Are you refusing to follow police orders?

No, sir, we're just trying
to get to school on time.

Oh, so what we have here

is some loose-driving Sallys, huh?

[GROANING]

Some fun-time Frankies?

-[GROANS]
-Some laugh-it-up Larrys, huh?

Some good-time Charlies, huh?
Some giggling Garys, huh?

Some ridin'-around-town-in-my-fancy-car

thinking-I'm-the-coolest-kids
in-the-world Beckys, huh?

[WHIMPERING] Sir.

-You sassing me, boy?
-No. No, of course not.

I'm sorry but we're in a really big hurry
because we're late for school.

Oh, so what we have here
is some sass-backing Margarets, huh?

-Some yap-flapping...
-You don't understand!

There is a certificate with words on it
at stake here.

Are you touching me?

[METAL DOOR RATTLING]

[WHISTLING]

Quick, Oscar,
how much time till roll call?

Ten seconds.

Okay, okay, let's just
put our heads together and brainstorm.

[STRAINING]

-[LOUD POP]
-[MILO MOANS]

It's eight a.m.

As of this moment,

my attendance is... imperfect.

[SIGHS]

Oscar, I know what will cheer you up.

[IMITATING MR. BALDWIN]
I'm a pregnant seahorse.

[LAUGHS] That's pretty good.

Oscar, you weren't in your seat
when I called your name.

In my seat!

Stickler only said I had to be in my seat
when my name was called.

My name starts with "o."
Oh, but we're still in prison.

Not for long, bro.

Fish Cop, I demand to see a judge!

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Objection, Your Honor.

I'm innocent, I tells ya.

The butler did it!

Can't argue with that.
Not guilty.

Quick, we've no time to lose.

-[MR. BALDWIN] Koi.
-Here.

-Luke.
-Here.

Milo. Milo?

Absent.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Os...

Osabella.

-Osabella.
-Here.

Never noticed you before.

[CRYING]

Os...

-Osajennifer?
-Here.

Seriously, who's coming up
with these dumb names?

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

And now for our final "o" name,

the boy with the perfect attendance...

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[OSCAR PANTING]

...whose name is...

-Oscar.
-Present!

Well, look at that.
Right on time.

-[FIREWORKS CRACKLING]
-[YELPING]

[YELPS] Those are loud.

Congratulations, Oscar.

You've beaten
the perfect attendance record.

Come up and take your picture
with the mayor... again.

Wow.

[CHANTING]
Oscar, Oscar, Oscar, Oscar!

Hey, good to see you again.

[CHANTING]
Oscar, Oscar, Oscar!

Well, it looks like everything turned out
a-okay for everybody.

[GRUNTING]

One... gajillion!

Ha-ha! Don't try to keep up, boys.

I'm all muscle.
[GRUNTS]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

[SNIFFS]

[CROWD CHEERING]

GECKCOACH: Come on, ladies.

Let's stomp these broads
like the fish they are.

[SLURPS] Yeah!

-[GRUNTING]
-[BALL BOUNCING]

[GROANING, YELPING]

[CROWD GROANS]

Oh, doodle.
They scored again.

Come on, keep it together, team!

They are not that intimidating.

[ROARS]

[GROANS]

Come on, Koi.
You're our best player.

-Let's show them what we got.
-Rarr!

-Finberley!
-I'm open. Ow!

[GRUNTS]

sh**t it, Koi! sh**t it.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[CROWD GROANS]

-[MUSIC PLAYING]
-[CROWD GROANING]

[WHIMPERS]

-Time out. Time out.
-[WHISTLE BLOWING]

Oh, and the Fighting Fish Hooks
call their final time out.

-[KOI GRUNTS]
-I know, Koi, but we can't give up now.

If only our team mascot
was here to pump us up.

Where is he?

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome

the Freshwater High School color guard!

Boo!

And our school mascot

the Fighting Fish Hook!

-CROWD: Fish Hook, Fish Hook!
-Look at the crowd, Oscar.

MILO: They love us.

I don't know how much longer
I can do this in secret.

Not this again, Milo.

We do all the work out there,
and the team gets all the praise.

It is time for us to get some street cred.

No way, Jose.

If everyone knows it's me in the suit,
I'll get stage fright.

I'll never be able to perform out there

with their eyes piercing my soul
like plus-two elven daggers.

-CROWD: Mascot, mascot!
-It's not fair

to keep this much talent a secret.

It's not fair.

Just keep it between me, you,
and Bea, okay?

All right.

ANNOUNCER: Where's that mascot?

Oh, there he is!

ALL: Whoo-hoo!

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

Ooh, it's the mascot.

He's my favorite.
[GIGGLES]

-Who do you think it is?
-Nobody knows.

-Perfect timing.
-[MUMBLES]

You're right, Koi. We never lose a game
with our lucky mascot.

Hmm.

CROWD: Yay!

[CROWD CHEERING]

[GIGGLES]

[CROWD CHEERING]

Oh, that rotten mascot.

ANNOUNCER: Bea lines up her shot.

Do not even try, fish.

You can't get the ball pa--
Hey!

ANNOUNCER: Oh, look at this!

The mascot is taunting the geckos.

What do you think you're for to doing.
I will bite you in--

ANNOUNCER: Bea Goldfishberg
looks poised to take her shot.

Oh! Oh, is it--?

Oh, that three-point shot puts them over!

The Fighting Fish Hooks win!

[CHEERING]

How can we crush Freshwater's spirit

when that annoying mascot
is so incredibly inspirational?

We must get rid of him, Coach.

Then we shall emerge victorious.

But, Tamara, nobody knows
who the Fighting Fish Hook really is.

Don't celebrate yet,
you fish.

There's still one more game
in the championships.

Hey, you guys did great out there.

Thanks a lot, mascot.
Wink-wink.

[CHEERING]

[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]

MILO: I can't deny my peeps any longer.

-OSCAR: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
-MILO: They want to see the real me.

-Milo, wait.
-I'm busting out of here, bro.

No, Milo, don't.

[YELLS] I'm the heinie!

Jumbo, look.

Milo's the caboose? Incredible.

Only Milo could scoot a patoot like that.

That's right, baby.

I'm the mascot, I'm the mascot.

[CHANTING] Who's the head?
Who's the head? Who's the head?

OSCAR: Ohh!

Whoa, it's Oscar.
Oscar's the head.

Oscar, you decided to
come out of the suit too?

My brother and I are the mascot,
everybody.

[CROWD CHEERING]

Argh! Buh-gawk!

Boo!

Now I've got your number, jerk.

[LAUGHING]

[OSCAR SOBBING]

Oscar, are you okay?

[SOBBING] I can't do this anymore.

I can't perform out there
now that everyone knows it's me.

Why did you have to expose us to everyone
and ruin this for me?

Hey, I ruined this for us.

No, Milo, you did this for yourself.

And now you're gonna have to go out there
and be the mascot alone.

[GASPS] But you're the brain

and I'm the heinie.

Milo, I'll always be your other half,

but I just can't be your head anymore.

Oh, man.

What's a heinie to do

alone in the bathroom?

Oscar, wait.

There is no downside to this,
no downside.

Milo--
[YELPS]

Oscar!

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

We got him, girls.

We got the silly mascot.

[LAUGHING]

That was such a huge downside to this,

a huge downside.

[SCREAMS]

ANNOUNCER: It's the final game

and the last chance for Freshwater High.

They're going to need
all the help they can get.

So where the heck is the mascot?

[BUBBLING, SPLASHING]

I am hungry.

Maybe we can eat that mascot
when they're finished with him.

-[BELL RINGING]
-GECKO TEACHER: Come on, ladies.

Class time, ladies.
Class time.

-[BELL RINGING]
-Halt.

Nice backpack.

-Thank you.
-Come on, ladies.

[GROWLING]

Ooh, hall monitor, literally.

-A-cha-cha-cha!
-[OSCAR WHIMPERING]

Without you,
your team will have no spirit and lose.

You monster.

What's gonna happen to me?

You will sit here comfortably
until the game is over.

You may watch TV or use the internet.

That's actually quite nice.

-We have wi-fi.
-Awesome.

But it's dial-up.

[SCREAMING] No!

Oscar?

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Oh, that must be the veggie pizza
I ordered for you.

Hello?

Hey, hall monitor!
This student's skipping class.

-[GROWLING]
-Whoa, girl, easy, easy.

[ROARS]

[SCREAMING]

Oh my gosh, Oscar,
what did they do to you?

Uh, they're making me play video games.

Those savages!

This is all my fault, Oscar.

I thought for sure you would've
wanted the fame as much as I did,

but I can see now
that what I did was wrong.

Uh-huh, I'm listening.

Oh, um, and I should have
respected your privacy.

And?

And-- And I think

you're the most awesomest brother ever.

-And?
-And...

BOTH: And...

-Don't make me do it, Oscar.
-Do the thing.

No, not the thing.

Anything but the thing.

Do it.

Oh, if it'll make you forgive me,
then fine.

[SINGING] Baby legs, baby legs
Look at my baby legs

Baby legs, baby legs
Check out my baby legs

Yay, I accept your apology.

Man, you play dirty.

But everyone still knows
it's me in the suit.

I'm so terrified.

Hush, child.

When the two of us unite,
nothing can stop us.

Trust me.

Now we just need to find a quick way home.

I'm not a student!

-[GROWLING]
-[CRASHING]

Works for me.

ANNOUNCER:
The geckos are pressing their offense,

and they score again.

Yes!
[LAUGHS]

-[YELPS]
-I hear you, Koi.

I don't know where Milo and Oscar are.

[LAUGHS] You miss
your bushy-haired friend, don't you?

What do you know that I don't, sister?

How to do this.

[TENSE MUSIC]

[MUMBLES]

Koi's right.
That is disgusting.

-OSCAR: Hey, air breathers!
-Ow!

-Oscar!
-GECKOS: Oscar?

[TRIUMPHANT MUSIC]

What's this? Oscar has finally
showed up to the game,

-proud and naked.
-[WOLF WHISTLING]

I'm not naked.
I just don't have my costume on.

Rah!

Team, capture the mascot
before the fish score point.

MILO: Hey!

You ready, Oscar?

[CROWD CHANTING]
Oscar, Oscar, Oscar, Oscar!

Oscar, they're cheering for you

because they know you can do this.

CROWD: Oscar, Oscar, Oscar!

What? No. No!

[SCREAMS] No!

-Ahhh!
-They're back.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[CHEERING]

Ugh, so much spirit.

So hard to concentrate.

Koi, take the shot.

[GROWLS]

ANNOUNCER: The Fighting Fish Hooks win!

This cannot be happening to me.

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

Curse you, stinking fishes,
and all your fish mommies.

Forget you, fish.

We'll be back next year.
[CACKLING]

Well, it's like I always said,

a heinie's just a heinie
without its brain.

Whoo! Hot dog!

I'm the real brains of this outfit.

OSCAR: Whatever, Larry.

Oh, someday I'm gonna grow up
and become so beautiful.

Look, Mouse. That caterpillar grew up
to be a beautiful butterfly.

-Yeah, yeah, I don't really care.
-[GASPS]

O.M.G., Mouse.

I'm starting to molt.
This could be it.

This could be where I finally grow up.

[GRUFF VOICE] How do I look?

Mouse? Mouse?

Whoa, I guess I'm such a hottie,

she can't stand being in the same room
with me anymore.