01x25 - Cat's Entertainment

[bunniefuu]

Ah-hyuck!

♪ H-h-h-hit it ♪

♪ Like father, like son ♪

♪ You're always number one ♪

[both] Yes!

♪ There's buddies There's pals ♪

Yeah!

♪ You always seem to work things out ♪

♪ Can't you see you're two of a kind ♪

♪ Lookin' for a real good time ♪

Whoa!

♪ A real good time ♪

Aah!

♪ Report to the Goof Troop ♪

♪ And we'll always stick together ♪

♪ Always stick together ♪

♪ We're the Goof Troop ♪

♪ The best of friends forever ♪

♪ Side by side wherever we go ♪

♪ We're always ready to roll ♪

♪ Now, gimme a beat ♪

♪ We're the Goof Troop ♪

♪ And we always stick together ♪

♪ Oh, we're the Goof Troop ♪

♪ The best of friends forever ♪

♪ Now we're callin' everyone ♪

♪ Come along and join the fun ♪

♪ Report to the Goof Troop ♪

♪ Baa ba doo da bop baa ba doo bop ♪

Yeah!

[Goofy] all good folks
paint with even strokes.

[sniffing]

All good folks paint with even strokes.

Hiya, Maxie. Ah-hyuck. What's up?

I mean, what's down? A-hah-hyuck.

P.J.'s spending the weekend
at his grandma's,

so I'm taking chainsaw
to the park to play frisbee.

Gonna take Waffles, too?

Waffles? No way, Dad.

Cats are no fun. All they do is sit there.

[meow]

Oh, a perfect Sunday afternoon.

Wife's out shopping,

kids are off kiddin' around...

And it's kickoff time.

And here's the kickoff.
It's up, and it's a long--

We interrupt the football game
to bring you some bad news.

I thought that was the bad news.

Horace the cat, beloved star of cat food
commercials, is dead.

Good riddance. Cats-- Who needs 'em?

Horace, shown here doing
his famous Can-can

in a chock full of mackerel commercial,

will be sorely missed.

Not by me.

I'm standing here with admiral carp,

owner of chock full of mackerel cat food.

Sir, your reaction?

Oh, oh, I am heartbroken.

Horace was one of a kind, totally unique.

Auditions for his replacement are at noon.

-Replacement?
-Yes.

And the fortunate feline
that replaces Horace

will be one rich kitty.

Yeah, right.

No such thing as-- rich?

[male reporter] I'm sure we'll all miss
that little plump, orange rascal.

Ahem, anyway, back to some football, huh?

All right, it's 3rd and 4th at the 25...

Orange and plump, eh?

I wuv kitty cats.

[purring]

Ooh, especially wittle Waffles.

Gonna make Uncle Pete rich,
ain'tcha, honey bunny?

Hiya, Petey.

Oh, uh, Goof.

Glad I ran into ya.

I was inspecting yer cat here.

Don't look good. Tsk tsk tsk.

Well, look at that tail.
See how bushy it is?

Gawrsh!

And his eyes--

Notice how bright they are?

They are bright.

Brighty-eyed and bushy-tailed.

Very bad sign, Goof.

I'd get him to the vet if I was you.

If you were me,

you'd be in the middle of house painting.

But if Waffles is sick, it can wait.

Relax, Goof.

Your old buddy Pete's gonna take him

to the vet for you.

Pete, you're not just a buddy,

You're a pal!

Yeah. Ha ha.

You're not just a Goof, you're an idjut.

[spray paint can rattling]

[spray painting]

[yowling]

[grrr]

Gadfry, heavens no!

[buzzer]

Not even close.

Forget it.

No.

Yes!

He's perfect.

The new Horace.

Ah, yes, my boy,

you're going to be a star.

Now how much am I going to make

off this cat food biz?

Well, let's see.

A national campaign,
billboards, radio, TV.

I'd say your cut would be about...


T-t-two hundred thou-- two hundred thou--

I love that neighborhood!

I want to move in as soon as possible.

Now let go of me.

You'll get paid as soon as I check out

waffles' home environment.

H-h-home environment?

Why, certainly. I have to make sure

my new star is a pampered kitty.

He is a pampered kitty, isn't he?

Oh, sure.

We pamp him up all the time. [laughs]

[meow-w-w]

Gawrsh, Pete,

Waffles looks terrible...

And orange and awful and orange.

Oh, yeah. It's bad news, Goof.

The vet says Waffles
can't live with you anymore.

He's allergic.

Oh, no! Allergic to what?

Well, to your house.

But...since when?

Well, uh, since you painted it yellow.

He's got pigmentosa
selio-scleosis, you know.

You don't say.

I do say, but don't
expect me to say it again.

Hey, I know. I'll paint the house green.

Ooh-- Green's even worse.

Not as bad as red, of course, or purple.

What about vermilion?

Ohh! Don't ask.

Waffles is allergic to every color

except chartreuse, of course.

And who wants to live in
a chartreuse house?

[crash]

Goof, I want you to know

that Waffles doesn't
have to go with strangers.

He can live with me.

[sniff]

Gawrsh, Pete.

I don't deserve a pal like you.

No, you don't, but here. Sign this.

Okey-doke. What am I signing?

This just says that I own Waffles--

I mean that I'm temporarily
taking care of him.

That man is a saint.

Hey, Dad, how come Mr. Pete
is taking Waffles?

[sniff] Because Waffles
is allergic to us, Maxie,

And it's all my fault

for painting the house yellow.

[sobbing]

[smacking]

Will you quit that, you hairy woodpecker?

[meow]

[sniffing]

Petey, that cat smells.

Well, of course he does, Peg-ums.

If you picked through trash cans all day,

You'd smell, too. Ha ha ha!

Heh heh. That's funny, Daddy.

Ha ha ha ha.

Yes, Daddy is a very funny man, p*stol.

Now give Waffles a bath!

A bath?

A bath?

[yowling]

Dad, none of these cat books

say anything about Waffles' condition.

Never mind that, Maxie.

All we got to do is paint the house
chartreuse.

Okay, but I think
there's something fishy going on.

Oh, calm down, you fuzzy porcupine.

I don't like this any more than you do.

[yowling]

Ahh.

Oh, now, isn't that nice?

Waffles loves his bath, doesn't he?

How cute.

He wants you to scrub his back, Petey.

I'll scrub it with a can opener,

mangy little flea bucket.

All good folks paint with even strokes.

All good folks--

Dad, hold it!

What's the matter, Maxie?

Waffles can't be allergic
to the color of our house.

It says here that cats are color-blind.

Gawrsh, Maxie.

Maybe Waffles hadn't read that book.

Dad...

Or maybe Pete is up to something.

[Peg] after you rinse the shampoo out,

make sure to use the conditioner.

But, Peg-ums,

my fingers are turning to prunes.

Daddy, Daddy, there's
a big man at the door!

I know I'm not supposed
to let in a stranger,

but I saw him through the peephole,

and he's got a funny mustache,

and his name is Admiral Carp.

Who's Admiral Carp, Petey?

Well, he's, uh, just a guy

interested in buying a used RV.

But, Daddy, he said
he was here about the cat.

No, no, honey. Not cat. Uh, caddie.

Yeah. There's this converted '73 cadillac
we just got in.

-[doorbell rings]
-Real honey of an RV.

Oh, yeah.

That big lug nut is up to something.

So Mr. Pete, how is
our little beauty today?

Fine, Carp. I'm just fine.

I was talking about Waffles.

Oh, shh.

I mean, sure you were. I knew that.

Why, he's upstairs. Just had a bath.

And a wax and polish!

He's shining like new, yes, sir!

Excellent.

Has he been out running today?

Oh, yeah. You betcha.

And he's in top shape.

Purrs like a kitten. Ha ha!

Well, I should hope.

Yes, sir. Grips the road like a champ

and do you know why?

Because he's got four on the floor!

Where else would they be?

[Goofy] Pete, we need to talk.

About--

Lousy door-to-door salesmen.

They never let up for a minute.

This can't wait, Pete.

Fine. Wait in there. Be right with you.

Ha ha ha.

Wasn't a salesman after all,

just my goof-head neighbor.

[Goofy] we need to talk about Waffles.

What has this individual
got to do with Waffles?

Well, now, he means Belgian waffles.

I got a recipe
he's been wanting to borrow.

It's a little hobby called cooking.

Uh, back in a sec, Carpie.

You okay, Pete? You seem a little jumpy.

Yeah, I'm fine.

It's that guy out there.

He's a... tax collector.

Pete, an honest man has nothing to fear.

What's that got--

Right. Good one.

[rip]

Now, about Waffles...

Oh-oh...

Hold that thought, Goof.

You know, before your husband came along,

I thought Horace was irreplaceable.

Oh? And who is Horace?

Peg!

Horace was the name

of his old station wagon. Yeah.

Don't bring it up again.
He gets too emotional.

All right, Petey. If you say so.

[Goofy] Pete!

Oh...

Okay, Goof, spill it out quick.

What is it you want?

Well, Max and I think

that maybe Waffles isn't
allergic to our house

And maybe you're up to something.

Me? Up to something?

Like what?

Well, like, uh...

Maybe...

Gawrsh. I don't know.

You don't know?

I take your cat in
as an act of friendship,

then you turn around and accuse me

of trying to pull a fast one.

I've never been so hurt in my life.

Forgive me, Pete.

I don't know what I was thinking.

Boo-hoo-hoo!

Yeah, yeah, I know.

I didn't even know you could think, Goof.

It's all right. That's fine. Good enough!

I'm convinced! Okay?

You're getting water stains
all over my shoes.

Whew. One down, one to go.

I'm real glad you
stopped by there, Carpie!

Ah, yes. I am, too.

Gave me a chance to see
Waffles' home environment.

And I am pleased to say that I--

A canine. Oh, dear. Very bad.

I do not approve

of dogs and cats living
together or cohabitating.

I don't even know what that is.

Sorry, Pete, but I'm afraid
our deal is off.

But wait! This ain't my dog!

It's, uh--why...

It's Goofy's!

Here, Goof! Chainsaw's your dog!

He is? Gawrsh, thanks, Pete.

By the way, I know what's goin' on here,

And I just got one thing to say.

[gulp]

This is the most honest man I know.

He always pays his taxes.

Thank you for that scintillating bit
of information.

Well, so long, fellas!
Thanks for stoppin' by!

Strange. Waffles seemed a lot more
orange yesterday.

You want orange?

[spray paint can rattling]

[spraying]

[coughing]

[Pete] There!

Ah! Excellent!

He can do the Horace Can-can, can he not?

Why, sure, sure.

This cat can Can-can like a champ--chump.

See you bright and early.

Make sure my star gets
a good night's sleep.

You know, Max, we was wrong about Pete.

And here is Admiral Carp

with his latest discovery--Waffles.

Uh, D-d-dad,

I really think you should see this.

We should never have accused
him of doing something wrong.

Dad! Don't you see who that is?

[gasp] I don't believe it!

It's Pete's tax collector!

Dad! Wake up and smell the larceny!

The lucky Waffles is shown here

With his owner Pete.

Pete?

Gawrsh, Maxie.

I don't know how to tell you this,

But I think Pete stole your cat.

All right, Pete, give him back!

Oh, but, Peg-ums, it ain't that simple.

It's like this--

Daddy, did you really steal Maxie's cat?

Well, stealin' is such a...

A harsh word, p*stol, honey.

Well, that's just what you did!

Well, guess what.

You signed a written contract

Saying Waffles belongs to me!

Dad!

Aw, who reads the small print?

Anyhow, I got a verbal
contract with Waffles

sayin' he's Max's!

Ha! Your verbal contract

ain't worth the paper it's written on.

Is too!

Says who?

Says me!

What you gonna do about it?

[Peg] Hold it, Pete.

Hold it. Hold it! Hold it!

Why don't we just ask Waffles

who he wants to live with?

Whatever you think is fair, Peg-ums.

How's that idea grab you, Goof?

Grabs me fine.

Come on, boy.

You want to be with me, don't you?

It's up to you. Spend your life as a Goof

or a rich and famous TV star.

There you have it! He chose me!

Bye, Waffles.

Hey, don't feel so bad, you Goofs.

I gave you chainsaw, didn't i?

You what?

I've seen you pull some stunts, Pete,

but this is the pits!

But, sweetums, Waffles
chose me fair and square.

Well, I hope you and Waffles
are very happy together

spending the night in the garage!

Oh, but, cinnamon apple--

[meow]

Oh, quit starin' at me,
you miserable waste of fur!

I'm thinkin'!

[meow]

["Can-can" playing]

No.

If I can Can-can, you can Can-can!

Hey!

[Goofy] don't you fret none, Max.

We're not givin' up without a fight!

Waffles made his decision.

He'd rather be with Mr. P.

That's why we got to make Waffles

remember the good times.

How?

[crash]

Home movies! Ah-hyuck!

[Pete] Well, it ain't so bad
havin' no one to talk to.

[muttering]

I got 250,000 big ones comin'!

Hey, you, why aren't you eatin'?

Your contract says
you're supposed to be chubby!

[meow]

What? Now you want to be fed?

Ooh, you dirty rotten
loud little bag of hair.

I'll make a pair of gloves out of you.

Now take teeny, tiny bites.

Make sure you don't choke now.

[crash]

What's that big Goof up to now?

[Goofy] hey, uh, Maxie, you remember this?

It's the time we took
Waffles to the fish market

on all-you-can-eat day!

Brings back some memories, huh?

[meow]

And here's the time

you and Waffles made
a sand castle out of me!

I sure wish Waffles was back home

where he belongs!

[Max] yeah. Me, too.

What do you say, boy?
You want to come home?

[meow]

[Pete] Hey. Steak and lobster, Waffles.

Come inside. Plenty more
where that came from.

Better luck next time, ya Goofs!

[phone rings]

Yeah?

Pete, Admiral Carp here.

We need to get Waffles'
cat food commercial

In the can, so to speak.

The sooner we do, the sooner you get paid.

Uh, you're talkin' my language, Carpie!

Excellent. We'll film him
doing the Can-can

Right on your front lawn.

Can-can? When-when? Not tomorrow!

No, don't be silly.

Whew.

We're doing it tonight.

Tonight?

Let's go, Pete.

Center! It's showtime!

Isn't this exciting, Maxie?

They're making a genuiney
television commercial!

Yeah, with my cat.

Waffles Can-can commercial, take 1!

[meow]

Carpie, I don't think

Waffles is up to doing
the Can-can tonight.

Well, he better be.

No Can-can from him,

No 200,000 big ones for you.

Action!

The poor cat's bunions
have been acting up,

And his dogs have been barking up, and--

What? He's doing it.

[jazzy version
of Offenbach's "Can-can" playing]

Carpie, he's doin' it!

Well, of course he is, you ninny.

Okay, Waffles, now go to
the bowl of chockful of mackerel

And eat it.

And...action.

[sniff sniff]

Yuck. Ecch.

Why isn't he eating it?

Well, he's just stuffed

From havin' a big din-din, that's all.

Waffles, just take a bite.

Just a teeny bite for the commercial.

No way. Yuck! Pee-yew!

No, no, no. It's not pee-yew.

It's delicious. Look.

Yummy, yummy. Oh, goodie, goodie.

What have you been feeding this
cat, Peter?

Steak! Lobster! Caviar!

I've got the food bills to prove it!

I've been hoodwinked! You ruined him!

How do you expect a cat

to go back to eating mackerel by-products

after tasting steak and lobster?

Uh, chainsaw likes it!

What did you say?

A dog eating chockful of mackerel?

Ah, yes--the cat food so delicious,

even dogs love it.

Waffles is out. Chainsaw's in!

I'd like to get him
under contract immediately.

But chainsaw's my girl.

No, he isn't. You gave him
to Maxie, remember?

The rotten, no-good--

All right, Carp. Waffles did the Can-can,

So you still owe me!

Why, you're quite right, my dear fellow.

A deal is a deal.

There's your 200,000 big ones now.

Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy!

Let me have it!

Hey, hey! Wait a minute!

This is kitty litter!

Of course. What did you think

You're getting paid in, dollars?

Waffles, if you come home,

I'll never say cats aren't any fun again.

What do you say? Forgive me?

[rowr]

I--I guess not.

You want to play frisbee?

Uh-huh.

You got it!

[meow]

♪ Gimme a beat ♪

[theme music playing]

Yeah!