Video Dead, The (1987)

[bunniefuu]

[snores]

[doorbell rings]

[snores]

[doorbell rings]

[rings again]

Go away.

[groans]

- Yeah?
- Well, good morning.

Mr. Jordan?

Uh, yeah-- say, uh,

you wouldn't have a cigarette
you could spare, would you?

Uh, sorry, Mr. Jordan,
uh, I don't smoke.

Uh, how 'bout you?

Sorry, buddy,
but I'm a chewer.

Uh, well, anyway, where would
you like it, Mr. Jordan?

Like what?

Why, your delivery, Mr. Jordan.

Hey, hey, look,
there's gotta be some mistake.

I haven't ordered anything but pizza
in the last six months.

Uh, this is just a delivery,
Mr. Jordan, uh, not a C.O.D.

Whatever it is, it's already
been paid for by the sender.

Yeah, okay, bring it in.

[grunts]

Hm, TV?

Who the hell
would send me a TV?

I don't even watch TV.

[music plays]

[Jordan]
Well, what is this sh*t?

[click]
Ahh.

[music plays again]

Achh.

Talk about ugly.

[click]

What the--

sh*t.

[silence]

[snores]

[buzzing]

[expl*si*n]

Well, you want to handle
this one or should I?

We're still a team, aren't we?

I told ya if headquarters
didn't get their act together,

they'd start mixing up
shipping orders.

What I'm wondering is, what the hell
did we deliver to the...

Institute for the Studies
of the Occult?

[doorbell rings]

[rings again]

We're supposed to be runnin'
a deliver service,

not a wake up service.

Hello, Mr. Jordan?

Holy sh*t!

[rock music plays]

[cab driver]
$23.60.

Are we here?

21 Shady Lane Avenue,
sweetheart.

Just wanted to make sure.

I thought you said
this was your house.

It is, but I haven't ever
been here before.

Actually, it's my parents' place.

Oh.

But they haven't ever
been here either.

[creaks]

Miss Blair?

Yes.

Wanna sign on line 11, please?

Sure.

[giggles]

[door rattles]

[gasps]

Uh.

Jeff!

[laughs]

How are ya, sis?

So, when do Mom and Dad
get back in the country, anyway?

Well, I talked
to a guy at Dad's office

and he said maybe
the middle of next week.

I guess life in Saudi Arabia

isn't all the fun and games
it's cracked up to be.

They say they're back in the U.S.
for good this time.

Great, now that we're grown up
and don't need them,

they'll be around.

Don't hold it against them, Jeff.

We've all got a lot
of lost time to make up for.

So, what about you?

What are you up to?

Well, I start my first semester
at the university

the first of next month.

You got in-- great.

What's your major?

Aerobics.

Aerobics?

Yeah.

You know, aerobics.

You can't major in aerobics.

Well, it may not be higher education,
but it's a degree, Jeff.

And I'm taking it very seriously.

I'm almost afraid to ask you
what your minor is.

- Music videos.
- Seriously?

Yeah, seriously.

[doorbell rings]

Uh, hello, sir, my name's Daniels--
Joshua Daniels.

And I was given this address
by the Hi-Lite Delivery Service.

So?

Well, seems there's been
a mix up of some sort.

It was a package, a crate.

It was delivered here
by mistake some time back.

Sorry, mister,
there hasn't been any package.

- We just moved in.
- You just moved in?

Oh, so, what about the people
who were here before you?

Where can I find them?

You got me, pal.

Look, we're just the kids here,
my folks are out of the country.

But they probably
wouldn't know anyway

since my dad's company
got us the place.

Listen to me, young fella,

I drove up all the way from Texas.

I been starin' at that little yellow
line for three days straight.

You see, it looks like
an ordinary TV set, but it isn't.

More lives'll be lost
if it isn't found.

Yeah, well, I really appreciate
your telling me this,

but, uh... I forgot to brush
my teeth, so I gotta go.

Bye.

Damn fool.

You damn fool!

Who was that, Jeff?

Some totally gnarly dude.

He was trying to talk us
into buying a TV or somethin'.

- I got rid of him.
- Huh.

[female] I want you...
...think about you all night.

Make love to me, Jeff.

I want you.

I want you to come
into the attic with me, Jeff.

Come into the darkness.
[laughs]

[sighs] Come on, already,
there's work to do.

Look what I found in the attic--
a TV.

Great, now we have three.

Come on, there's a lot to do
before Mom and Dad get here.

I wonder if this is what
that old buzzard was talking about.

- Hello, there.
- Ah!

Oh, I didn't hear you comin'.

I'm your new neighbor.
Welcome to Shady Lane.

Oh, thanks,
I'm Jeff, Jeff Blair.

I'm April-- don't you hate it?

Sounds like the smell
they put on Kleenex.

I was just about to get
something to drink.

- You wanna come in?
- All right.

- Do you mind if I take the dog in?
- Yeah, sure.

Mind if I take the dog
off the leash?

He's wearing my arm out.

Sure, I love animals.

Me too, but I don't count
poodles as animals.

Funny you should say that.

I hate poodles too.

Uh, how 'bout a nice glass of fresh
water for a change of pace?

[barks]

So, where are your parents?

Well, right now, Saudi Arabia.

They're moving back to the States.

My sister and me
are kinda helping out--

gettin' the house together.

[barks]

[growls]

[growls back]

[dog cries]

Huh?

Chocolate?

Look, why don't you
calm down?

He can't of gotten far.

You don't understand, he likes
to chase skunks in the woods.

And when he finds them,
he tries to mate with them.

Only, skunks don't like
to mate with poodles.

So, they spray him
and then he really gets turned on.

[Jeff] Chocolate.

[April] Chocolate?

Chocolate.

Chocolate?

Chocolate.

Chocolate?

Chocolate.

He's gotta be out here
somewhere.

Do you have any concept
how big these woods are?

Don't you find it a little creepy
living in the m*rder house?

Living in the what?

Geez, you mean nobody told you?

Told me about what?

About the man that used
to live there, Mr. Jordan.

He was a pretty famous writer.

Anyway, he was m*rder*d.

In our house?

Come on, this is a joke, right?

Uh, I think we better keep
looking out for the dog.

Chocolate.

Chocolate?

Chocolate.

Chocolate!

Chocolate.

Chocolate!

Oh, no!

What?

There!

Oh, Christ.

Looks like a heart attack.

My goose is cooked.

I could get reform school
for this.

Hey, it wasn't your fault.

But this is Abe
and Beverly Turkow's poodle.

It was never supposed
to be let off the leash.

They never had any kids.

They worship this thing.

Well, if it's so important, they
should have it stuffed and mounted.

[buzzing]

Gonna take one hell of a story
to cover my a*s on this one.

Hey, I've got it.

- You do?
- The dog swallowed a ball.

You were walking
the dog on the leash

and some total jerk
threw the ball to the dog

and he accidentally
swallowed it.

All we have to do is push the ball
down the dog's throat.

They'll never know the difference.

That is really sick.

You think it'll work?

[phone rings]

Hello, Ellison residence.

April?

Oh, April, uh,
one minute please.

Who is it, Maria?

It's for April.

April?

It's for you.

Okay, I got it.

Hello?

Hi, it's me.

Jeff, I'm glad you called.

It worked, you really saved me.

I really owe you one.

So, they bought it, huh?

Like a charm.

Only there's one little thing
that you should know about.

You know how I was supposed
to tell them

someone threw
the ball to Chocolate?

Well, they asked me who and your name
just kinda popped into my mind.

My name?

I'm sure-- don't worry.

Mr. Turkow didn't think
he'd press charges.

Press charges?

Don't worry, he won't.

Besides, the important thing
is that it worked

and, well, I'm gonna
make it up to you.

You are?

Yeah, I am.

Well, my folks won't be
out of town forever.

Why don't you come
over to my place?

[giggles]
I'm sure I can't.

Anyway, you're not
gonna believe this--

my dad is sleeping
with the maid.

It's so gross.

Anyway, I gotta go.

Call me again tomorrow.

Girls.

[click]

[Jeff] Go for it, dude.

[screams]

Come on.

What a piece a junk.
[click, click, click...]

That's more like it.

Too bad your little girlfriend
couldn't come over

and keep you company tonight.

[laughs]

Damn, you don't know what
they put in this stuff nowadays.

Jesus.

How did you get in here?

[giggling]

I can't believe
this is really happening.

Mm-mm.
[giggles]

You know, Jeff,

I've been waiting

such a long, long time
for this moment.

Such a long, long time.

You have?

Yes, Jeff, I have.
[giggles]

Mm-mm, Uh.

[giggles]

[laughs]

Hey, where are you?

I don't get it.

Why are you leaving?

Next thing you'll be asking me
for my phone number.

How do I get in touch with you?

[laughs]

There's someone
in the room with you.

[Jeff] No!

Uh.

Why did you k*ll her?

You don't know...
what you're messin' with.

Why in the hell don't
you leave it alone?

Who is she?

They look just like you and I.

But inside... inside they're--
they're different.

They have no soul.

Who are you?

They call me the garbage man.

I dispose of human garbage.

Why are you telling me all this?

Because you're in danger.

There's been a little accident.

An escape.

They are very real
and very dangerous, Jeff.

Be careful.

No, wait.

- What do I do?
- Take the TV...

and lock it in the basement.

And do one more thing--

Get a mirror

and put the shiny side
next to the screen.

[chuckles]

A mirror.

That's it for me.

Oh, man...

Oh, God.

[thinking]
Come on.

Come on, come on.

Uh!

[pants]

Oh, oh, Jesus!

Oh, God, I must be
losing my mind.

[disposal activates]

[grinding]

What are you doing, Jeff?

It's 6:30 in the morning.

Me?

Uh, just cleaning up, Zoe.

You're acting really strange, Jeff.

Me?

[giggles] Yes, you.

Where's the hallway mirror,
by the way?

Th-- the mirror?

I don't know anything
about the mirror.

Okay, what's going on?

Nothing's going on.

Honest.

You are acting really strange.

That's the way I am.

I'm a strange person.

Dad, I'm leaving for school.

[snores]

[sniffs]

[blender starts]

[snoring]

[prays to herself]

[growls]

[woman whimpers]
[ghoul growls]

Huh?

Who is it?

Who's there?

[ghouls growl]

[screaming]

[radio] Coconut fudge delights--
are you ready?

Start with one cup flour,

then add one teaspoon
baking soda,

next, add two whole eggs,

and then one egg yolk.

And next,
be sure to stay tuned.

We'll be right back.

Oh, honey, you're gonna love these--
coconut fudge delights.

Mm-mm.

Well, that concludes
today's recipe.

Be sure to tune in tomorrow

Finished, what about the coconut?
- for more Cooking Fun

- What do I do with the coconut?
- in Mike's Kitchen.

[buzzes]

[gasps]

[water runs]

Honey, remember
the stock that Filipe,

the busboy at the country club
told me about?

You'll never guess
where it's at now.

Of course, you made me
put the money in the bank.

Wish you'd let me wear
the pants in this house.

Jesus, honey, when was
the last time you had a shower?

You stink.

Oh, oh.

[screams]

[siren]

Sounds like they're headed
for the end of the road.

April.

[siren grows louder]

[tires screech]

[ambulance radio]

[tires screech]

- Jeff.
- Are you okay?

They're dead, Jeff--

both Dad and Maria.

Listen to me, April,

we have to get out of here.

Go someplace that's safe.

What about the police?

If what I think
happened here is true,

it's gonna be a long time
before they figure this one out.

Wish I could make
time fly forward

and be ten years from now
and this would all be just a memory.

[doorbell rings]

You're back.

Mister, I sure hope
you're gonna welcome me in.

Because I'm just about
the only chance that you all got.

[door closes]
Jeff?

- Zoe, this is--
- Daniels, Joshua Daniels.

This is the man who came by
yesterday morning.

I think we should at least
hear him out, Zoe.

Sure thing
you should hear me out.

Now that four people's dead
and gone already.

Does he know something
about the murders, Jeff?

And there's no doubt about it.

It was the video dead.

Video dead?

Somebody better
tell me what's going on

and they better
tell me right now!

I'll tell you what I know.

It's the TV.

I picked it up at a house sale.

My wife lost her life
because of it.

And she weren't the only one.

But exactly how does
a TV set k*ll somebody?

The TV don't k*ll nobody.

It's what comes out
of the TV does the killin'.

Well, then why didn't you
just destroy the thing?

Oh, sister, don't you think I tried?
But you can't.

It sneaks into your brain and...

plays tricks.

Most I could do was package
it up and send it on.

That has got to be
the most far-fetched story

I've heard in my entire life.

Jeff,

you're not buying this, are you?

Listen, sister,
the slaughter's begun already.

You look the other way,
you might just end up

gettin' a nice sized bite
taken outta your rear end.

Look, mister!

You just watch your mouth!

You can't come into my house
and just start--

Stop it!

Stop it, the both of you.

I can't take it anymore.

Oh, let's go upstairs
and get you moved in, okay?

You can sleep
in my parents' room tonight.

Women.

She's been through
a lot for one day.

[growls]

She's upstairs
taking a bath, Jeff.

I want him and his video dead
out of here before she's through.

I reckon a damn fool's
runnin' your family, boy.

[gasps]

[thunderclap]

[growls]

Oh, my God.

[growls]

Help.

Jeff?

Jeff.

Zoe, what is it,
what happened?

They got her, Jeff.

They got her.

She may still be alive.

Come on!

[Joshua] No!
No, Jeff.

Don't go, damn it.

What do you think I'm here for?

I'm here to end this
once and for all.

And I'm countin' on you
for a little help.

You go out there now,
I'm not get even that.

'Cause you'll be dead.

So, whatta we do?

We start by collectin' mirrors--

every one you can find.

Big, medium, small--
just get me mirrors.

Now!

Well, that's every mirror
in the house.

It sure is.

Now what happens?

We set tight 'til sunup.

If you're goin' out huntin',

helps to be able to see
what you're after.

You have to be crazy.

I can't believe I've let this go on
as long as I have.

We're gonna call the police

and we're gonna get out
of here, right now!

Tonight!

Sure, go and call the police.

Hello, officer, we got
some dead people in my house.

Yes, sir.

Sure are still up
and walking around.

He's got a point, Zoe.

Well, if the cops won't believe us,
then at least we can get out of here.

He's got a truck,
I saw it parked outside.

Just forget April ever existed?

- I didn't mean that.
- And what about Mom and Dad?

They're gonna be living in this house
pretty soon too, you know?

[Joshua] Runnin' away
ain't no solution.

I tried that once.

Folks is dead 'cause of it.

I'm listening, mister.

[Jeff] But why mirrors?

The reason
for the mirrors is simple.

The dead can't stand
to look at themselves.

Same goes for when a living person
come up again' one of 'em.

When a living person shows fear,

it all comes home again

that they're different.

All they want to do is k*ll
the only thing they can never be.

The living.

But what if a person could keep
from showing fear?

Wouldn't he be safe?

Keep from showing fear?

Only two ways of doin' 'em in.

At least as far as I know.

First is to trap 'em in a place

from which there is
absolutely no escape.

Then they go crazy.

Eat themselves.

And the other way?

The other way
is much more simple.

Since they think they're alive,

by attacking them
like you would the living

with g*ns, knives, anything,

for a time, they can actually
be convinced they're dead.

To make that death final, however,

they must not be buried.

But left instead to be reclaimed
by mother nature.

Then will this all be over?

Will they really be dead?

Then they'll be
where they belong--

in death.

[clock ticking]

[snores]

[chomping]

[screams]

Uh!

Oh.

Have yourself a little nightmare?

Seemed so real.

Are you leaving now?

Sun's up, sister.

What's in your bag?

I found it.

Jeff?

We're leaving, Zoe.

We're gonna take care of this
once and for all.

Just wait here
'til we come back.

Just promise me
you'll be careful.

Promise me
you'll come back.

Of course
I'll come back, Zoe.

Come on.

You're making a big deal
out of nothing.

These are the keys
to my truck.

If we're not back
by ten minutes to sundown,

take it and get
the hell outta here.

[birds hooting]

Does everybody in Texas
wear a hat like that?

What's wrong
with my hat, boy?

Aw, never mind.

[labored breathing]

[snap]

Ah!

What the hell is wrong
with you, boy?

Jesus Christ.

Don't you ever sneak up
on me like that again.

I didn't sneak up on you, boy.

You sneak up on me
like that again,

you know what's gonna
happen to you?

No, boy, you tell me.

Death and destruction.

Okay, boy, whatever you say.

And that's another thing.

My name isn't boy.

It's Jeff.

Think you can handle that?

Okay, boy. [guffaws]

Go ahead, have your fun.

Cow sh*t.

What'd you call me?

I called you cow sh*t.

You call me boy,
I call you cow sh*t.

Okay, cow sh*t?

Okay, I get your point.

Let's just call each other
by our proper names.

No more cow sh*t,
no more boy.

You can call me Mr. Daniels.

Thank you, Mr. Daniels.

[Jeff] Hey, through here.

This looks like a shortcut.

I think we best
slow up for a while.

Are you okay?

You look like you're
gonna have a heart attack.

Never mind about me.
[coughs]

You said there was
an old shack out here?

Can you take me to it?

Yeah, I think so.

- April!
- Are you nuts?

If they find us
before we're ready for 'em,

[chuckles] you won't be alive
for that girlfriend.

She's not my girlfriend.

She's just a friend, that's all.

You seem pretty concerned
for just a friend.

Oh, forget it.

I have to take a leak, anyway.

[unzips]

Jesus.

[zips up]

We've got some company,
Mr. Daniels.

Huh?

Where, are you sure?

[Joshua] Get him
before he gets you.

Easy now.

Again, try it again.

Phew, these arrows
must be warped.

I think you're warped, boy.

- [groans]
- Good shot!

This one's for April.

[groans]

[Joshua hoots]

Good shootin', boy.

I got one.

I actually got one.

You sure as hell did, Mr. Blair.

Will you look at that stupid
son of a b*tch?

Not alive.
Can't feel nothin'.

Stick a couple a arrows in it--
thinks it's dyin'.

So, now what happens?

Best get my bag, Mr. Blair.

We got a little touch-up work to do
on this one yet.

Yeah, sure.

[groans]

Here ya go.

[grunts]

Oh, God.

I never said
this would be pretty, Mr. Blair.

Well, you're not going
to believe this,

my all-time-- absolute all-time
favorite horror movie

is the Texas Chainsaw m*ssacre.

I've seen it six times.

This ain't no game, Mr. Blair.

Damn it, I know
this isn't a game.

Look, I saw him first.

I shot him.

It's only fair that I get to use
the chainsaw.

I don't suppose you want me to show
ya how to work this baby.

Use this?

I told ya, I've seen
the movie six times.

Stand back and watch
the master at work.

[chainsaw starts]

[Joshua] Oh, all right!
All right! [hoots]

[Jeff] I think I'm gonna be sick.

You done yourself proud,
Mr. Blair.

[Jeff] So, how long
will he stay like that?

Isn't an exact science.

We best just move on.

There's plenty more
where that'n came from.

There it is.

There's some bells in here.

Copper bells.

Tie 'em to these branches.

Don't ask me how or why,

but when the dead are around

those bells start rattlin'
like an earthquake.

There's a bear trap in there too.

Put that someplace
where it'll do some good.

Right.

All set.

And do you mind tellin' me
what's going on?

Not at all.

We're settin' a trap.

A trap?

Great.

What are we usin' for bait?

Oh, no.

There's no way
I'm goin' through with this.

Cut me down.

But son, you'll be
completely safe up there.

Cut me down right now, Joshua.

You wouldn't talk to me that way
if I was down on the ground.

It's not like I'm leavin' ya
up there alone.

I'll be right in the shed--

pickin' 'em off one by one.

Now, be silent.

On one condition.

I don't like conditions.

Give me the chainsaw.

At least that way if they get to me,
I'll have a chance to fight back.

Okay, you got a deal.

[bird hoots]

Are you sure you got
a clear shot from there?

[laughs]

[bells ringing]

Joshua, something's happening.

Joshua!

Oh, sh*t.

Joshua!

Come on, you as*h*le!

[growls]

[shotgun blast]

[growling]

Joshua!

Joshua, come on!

[chainsaw starts]

It's about time.

Uh, uh!

Oh, sh*t.

Oh, oh.

Coming, Mr. Blair.
Hang on.

Be off, be off!

Be off or you'll wind up
like all these others!

Be off!

[hoots and laughs]

We did it, Mr. Daniels.

We wiped them out.

Uh!

We sure as hell did.

We sure as hell did, Mr. Blair.

Now, we'd better load up

and track that little lady down.

[owl hoots]

[animal hoots and cries]

She's gotta be
out here somewhere.

[chainsaw idling]

[Joshua]
Eeahh!

Think she went far?

How the hell should I know.

You're the expert,
aren't you?

[growls]

[whimpers]

[Joshua moans]

[growls]

Uh!

Ow!

[click]

[chainsaw revs]

[moans]

Uhh!

April.

[growls]

[grunts]

[sighs] Jeff where are you?

[thinking]
Jeff,

Went for help.

Zoe.

- [growling]
- [Zoe] Oh, no.

Oh!

Oh, God.

Oh.

Oh, no.

[growls]

Oh!

[heavy breathing]

Uh!

[groans]

[roars]

[screams]

Go away.

[clunk]

[scraping]

Oh, please, stop.

[door closes]

[sobs]

[voice of Joshua]
When a living person shows fear,

all they wanna do is k*ll.

[voice of Jeff] But what if a person
could keep from showing fear?

How nice to see you all.

[Zoe giggles]

Oh,

won't you come in?

I hope you'll enjoy this.

It's a recipe that's been
in my family for generations.

[Zoe]
Mm-mm.

[gasps]

[Zoe]
You want me to sit?

[growls]

Oh, how silly of me,
I almost forgot.

Would you like--
a drink?

A nice warm drink?

[growls]

[breathes heavy]

Oh.

Here.

There.
[giggles]

[voice of Joshua]
To k*ll 'em,

trap 'em in a place from which
there is absolutely no escape.

Then they'll go crazy.

Eat themselves.

[grunting and groaning]

Dancing, let's go dancing.

Of course, this isn't
the proper place for dancing.

The best place for dancing
is in the basement.

Or didn't you know that?

Of course, for true dancing

uses a live orchestra.

But for tonight
this record player should do.

[laughs]

I almost forgot the-- the record.

Yeah.

So, uh, I left them upstairs,

but I'll go get 'em

and then I'll come right back.

Okay?
[grunts]

I--

Uh!

[groans]

[whimpers]

[grumbling]

[groaning]

[music plays]

[caws]

I just don't understand
what could have happened.

Just pray
it's not drugs, dear.

I've been a
good father to them.

Now, remember what
the doctor said, dear--

we have to treat her
just as if she were well.

Good morning, darling.

I hope you slept well.

Heck, I slept like
a ton a bricks.

I always sleep best
in the fall.

Well, we're off to do
some shopping, honey.

But before we go, we have
a little surprise for you.

We brought it from home
for you, dear.

Your father and I hope
it keeps you company.

Sorry.

[growls]

[Zoe screams]