01x08 - It's About Who You Want to Be

[bunniefuu]

Am I shiny?
I don't wanna be shiny.

One minute, Miss Alexander.

Yes. Okay. Thank you.

Hi, honey. I'm about to do my TED Talk.

- Mom?
- Yes?

Don't freak out, please.

Grandpa got arrested.

What? No. No, no, no, no, no.

What do you mean?
Where are you? Are you okay?

I'm fine.

The cops brought me home,
but they took Grandpa downtown.

Miss Alexander?

Yes.
Okay. Yes.

I'm sorry. I just have to, um--

Finn, I'm glad that you're okay.

And I will call you
as soon as this is done.

Okay?

Next.

Oh.

Thank you.

Um, welcome to this TED Talk.

Um, so let's talk about
How To Fix Your Picker.

Okay?

This is a woodpecker.

See? Right there.

And he's up there because I used to be

really, really bad at picking peckers.

Okay.

Um, but I don't--

Uh, I'm not--

I-I don't, um--

Something just happened.

And, um--

Okay.

I'm just gonna--

I'm just gonna get
very real with you all.

Um--

One minute ago
I got a call that my dad,

who is on parole,

and who lives with me and my son,

after spending 17 years
in a federal prison,

Is under arrest.

You know, people always say

that your parents do the best
that they can.

What I'm-- What I'm trying to figure out

in this very moment is

what do you owe a parent
whose best wasn't good enough?

So let's talk about that.

Oh, God, no.

Morning.

No, stop. Please. Really?

You gonna come get me out?

No, not today.

You sure now?

'Cause I think
you kinda like having me here.

And I think you wanna come get me.

No.

Who do you think you are?

Your subconscious obviously.

See, this is your psychology sh*t, mama.

Live by the couch, die by the couch.

Of course, I feel guilty.

A daughter is supposed
to bail her dad out of jail.

That's like chapter one
in the My Dad's In Jail handbook.

I did not know you read that book.

I skimmed it.

Paigey, Paigey.

No. No, no.

I'm not getting you out of jail.

I do not owe you that.

I am gonna have my Wednesday

because that is what I owe myself.

Well, okay.

Then don't let me stand in your way.

You go and you live your Wednesday.

I will. Thank you.

You are more than welcome.

You're very polite for a subconscious.

Manners.

Very important.
I always told you that, Paige.

Manners.

- Mom.
- Hey.

We have to go get Grandpa.

Oh, God.

We went over this last night, Finn.
I am not getting him out.

Why not?

Because I gave him one chance,
he betrayed me.

But it was my fault.

No.
I should have been driving.

No. Do not blame yourself.
It is not your fault.

It's the one time I asked him to drive.

No, it's not the one time.

It is every single time
that has led up to this one time.

Why are you like this?

Because, Finn, I've seen this movie
and I know how it ends.

Spoiler alert, somebody dies in the end.

And that somebody
is the part of you that trusts people.

- Imma go visit him then.
- No!

Absolutely not.
You are not going to a jail.

Also, you have to be 18
to go by yourself, so-- Heh.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- You won't even visit?
- Nope.

I am going to live my Wednesday!

I'm going to spin.

What are you doing today?

- You're going to spin?
- I am.

Well, enjoy your Wednesday.

Where are you going?
Where are you going?

Where are you going? Where are you going?
Where are you going?

Yo, man, you going to call someone

or just stand there?

I’ll call who I want
and I’ll stand where I want.

You understand, youngblood?

Sorry, man. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Go-go ahead.

This is your life, people.
You're unstoppable!

Yes, I'm unstoppable!

- You are?
- Yes!

I'm definitely stoppable.

Like I'm gonna stop right now.

No!

Let's go, b*tches. No stopping!

I'm right there with you, baby girl!

Can’t stop, won’t stop!
Never gonna leave you, girl!

Come on, baby. Whoo!

Whoo!

Yeah, girl, you got this!

Whoo!

No, no, no, no, no!

Oh, now you're just flirting.

Thank you.

You alright?

I guess.

I'm surprised your mom let you come.

She hated this growing up.

Yeah, well, two different people.

You go first, sweetie.

I'll be right here.

- Okay.
- Okay.

I'm just having a really bad day.

How can that be?
You are a TED Talker now.

- Oh.
- How'd it go?

Uh, it went, you know,
I said some things,

not what I planned to say,
but I said them.

People liked them, I guess.
I don't know. How would I know?

Because they either booed or clapped.

Real simple.

Mm! Mm!

Now that is a jammy cab.

I saw your TED Talk.

You were so good.

But I have one question, Paige.

I mean, girl,
you were so honest up there, baby girl.

Then why you keep lying to my boy Mal?

Why you can't be that honest with Mal?

Uh... f*ck.

Okay. Um--

Esti, can I tell you something
without you judging me?

- Of course.
- Okay.

I slept with Bill.

What the f*ck is wrong with you?

What? You said you would not judge me.

Did I? I don't recall.
Yes.

Oh. Also, I think
I have to break up with Mal.

Okay. Paige, slow down.

I-I think you span too hard. "Span"?

- Spin?
- Spun?

The point is, exercise is dangerous,
and we're never doing it again.

And you cannot break up with Mal.

He is too fine to break up with.

You haven't even heard the worst thing.

My dad got arrested,
and he's still in jail.

Ohh! I know.

Paige, and you're just,
you're sitting here

spanning, spinning, spunning
and drinking wine?

Okay, what-what the f*ck are you thinking?
Do you see this?

This is my "what the f*ck
are you thinking" face.

I'm thinking that he obviously did
something he promised he wouldn't do.

So I have to do what I promised
I would do when he did that thing.

Like let him rot in jail?

Um, yeah. Is that so bad?

Uh, yeah?

Ugh.

Hi, Grandpa.

Hey, Finneas.

You know, I'm not sure

your grandma should have
brought you out here, man.

I don't want you seein' me like this,
you know, locked up.

Not good for you, son.

Oh, do you mean like adult content?

That doesn't bother me.

Yeah.

How's your mama doing?

She's doing alright?

Oh, man, man, man.

I have gone and done exactly

what she was most afraid of, Finn.

Driving without a license is, like,
not even that big of a deal.

I should have known better.

I made a mess.

I hurt your mama.

And I hurt you.

No. We need to get you outta here.

I am not your problem.

Do not worry about me.

I'm not worried.

It's actually more of a strategy question.

Because, you know, I'm a gamer.

Yeah, you are.
So--

How do we defeat jail?

So what did he do?

I don't know. He got arrested.

That's what he did.

It matters what for.

Oh, really? Does it, though?

Yeah, of course, it does.
What if he's not guilty of anything?

Oh, my gosh.

Are you the one with the TED Talk?

About your bad dad?

Oh.

Uh-- Wow.

- Were you there?
- On Twitter?

Girl, I was so moved.

Oh. Oh, thank-- Thank you. What are you--

What is she talking about?

b*tch?
What?

You're going viral.

Huh? What? Are you kidding?

What is-- What is happening?

You have over 71,000 views.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What do I do?

Get your sh*t together
'cause you're blowin' up, girl.

Um--

Esti, I love you very much.

But I have to go talk to Mal.

- Bye. You can--
- Uh, yeah, I got it.

Thank you.
Thank you.

Bye.
- Bye.

I'm so sorry to drop in
on you like this.

I know. I got the notification
your dad was picked up.

Technically I can’t tell you that,
but I just did, so--

How are you?

Uh, I'm alright, I guess.

So how's your dad?

I'm not actually sure how he is.

Uh, I haven't spoken to him.

Huh.

So you haven't gotten him out yet?

No. And I'm not planning to.

But also, I need to tell you something.

Uh--

Um--

I had sex with Bill.

Oh.

Wow. Um--

Okay. I was not expecting that.

Me neither.

Um--

And I didn't do it
because I wanna be with him.

You know, I did it because
I'm just really trying to figure out

who I am and what I need.

And this is how you go about it?

Um--

So we're done.

I wanna be in love with you.

I feel like I should be in love with you
because you're so good.

You're so wonderful.

I hope that you know that.

That-that there is literally nothing wrong
with you whatsoever at all ever.

But I'm, uh--

Hmm. I'm-I'm just not there.

Paige, this is about your dad.

Okay? He got arrested.

And now you're reacting.

No, no, it's not about my dad.

I mean, yes, him getting out
and coming to live with me

and now getting arrested
has made it super-duper clear

that every choice I've ever made
in every relationship

is really because I've never dealt--

Oh, my God. Yeah.

Yeah, you're right. It's maybe
a little bit about my dad, but--

Yeah, yeah, I don't know
if you believe this or not,

but you deserve to be with somebody great.

You really do.

But no one great
is gonna put up with any of this.

So, whatever you have going on,

I hope you figure it out.

Where have you been?

Oh, I'm going to my room.

What's happening? Why are you here?

He asked me to take him.

Take him where?

Ugh.

Did you take my son to jail?

Paige.
I thought it was okay with you.

What would make you think that?

All of our happy memories
visiting Leavenworth?

Finn!

Finn, get down here!

You went to jail without my permission?

Yeah. And I'm glad I did.

Hope you enjoyed your Wednesday.

How could you?

This is the one thing
I never wanted my child to experience.

The one thing!

Oh, I know it was hard for you.

Oh, God.
I was there, Paige.

And it was hard for me, too.

I think that you should go.

Bye, Finn.

Can you believe this b*tch?

She's trying to tell you
she knows how you feel?

But, sorry, her dad wasn't in jail.

Her boyfriend was.

And you can leave a boyfriend
anytime you want.

But a dad?

You're stuck with him forever.

Wait, wait. Stop.

You stop. I'm ranting.

No, no, I'm just getting something
that I wasn't getting before.

I think that I need to talk to you.

I think that there are things
that you need me to say

in order for you to feel safe.

I'm listening.

Oh, man.

I'm so sorry for everything
that you've been through.

That your mama left you

and you had to stay
in all those foster homes.

That your dad went to prison.

And I am double, triple sorry
that I have not been there for you

in the way that I should have.

Come here.

People are going to leave you.

But...

I will never ever leave you again.

So you can relax.

Okay?

You can go play. Go be a kid.

You don't-- You don't have to
take care of me anymore

because I'm gonna take care of you.

Okay.

So what changed?

Um, I just decided
I wanted to be the kind of person

who got my dad out of jail

more than I wanted to be
the kind of person who didn't.

Hi.

We're here to post bail
for Edwin Alexander.

Says here he was discharged at 4:36 p.m.

Can they just do that?

They can if someone who
knows someone makes a call.

Okay, he's out. He's out.

So we'll find him. Thank you.

How about a refill?

I'd love one.

I wanna thank you, man.

No need to thank me.

It was a bullshit charge
and I'm just not down with bullshit.

Can I come in for a second?

Uh--

I was hoping you might
let me stay for a couple days.

You know, just till I get--

No. I just didn't wanna be
a burden on Paige, you know.

I get it. I'm sorry, but no.

Edwin, I'm your caseworker,
I'm not your friend.

You know, I was thinking
we were almost kinfolk.

We were.

But not anymore.

You okay, man?

No.

No, I'm not okay,

because I broke
the number one rule of my job.

I got personally involved with a client,

and my clients
are not the kind of people

that you wanna be personally involved with

because hurt people

hurt people.

She ended it, didn't she?

Yeah.

She ended it, but not because of me.

You know why she ended it?

Because she can't
take in the love of a good man.

She doesn't recognize it
walking down the street.

And you know why?

Because she’s never
g*dd*mn seen it before.

And you know why?

Because you abandoned her
when she was three years old.

And then you kept on abandoning her.

And then every time you took her back,

you taught her that men
are unreliable,

untrustworthy, and selfish.

That they will continue to use her
to feel good about themselves

and hurt her and leave her.

That is what you did.

And now she is paying the price.

And so am I.

I ain't got no excuses, man.

Um--

I don't have anyone to blame but myself.

I should have known better.

I should leave, man.

Yep.

If you wanna stay at the halfway house,

legally I'm required to take you in,

- but it's up to you.
- No, no. It's okay.

Thank you for everything.

Yeah.

Paige, don't worry. Don't worry. I just--
I won't be here but a minute.

I'm just gonna get a few of my things
and then I'll be out.

Come in.

You okay?

Yeah, baby.

No. I'm alright.

I was just a little bit worried.

Yeah.

Paige, look here.

I know how hard
the last 24 hours have been for you.

And the fact that you
went through all that 'cause of me--

But I promise you,

you won't go through that ever again.

I'll just get my things and Imma move out.

Where are you going?

I-I got a spot. For now.

Paige, I--

I never should have let you open up
your home to me in the first place.

I shouldn't have put you in that position.

I wasn't ready.

I hadn't proved to myself
that I could stay out of trouble.

You didn't do anything.

Well, wait now. That's-that's not true.

Now I'm sitting in that jail cell
and I'm realizing, right,

that everything I have done
up to this point

- leads me right back to that jail cell.
- Not true.

No, no, Come on. Now, listen to me.

Your grandpop's got work to do.

Please, but you
don’t have to leave here.

- Does he, Mom?
- It's not up to your mother.

I gotta make my own way, son.

I gotta get a job.

I've gotta find a place to live.

And I gotta make my own money.

If I don't do this,
I will never be able to trust myself.

Come on, man.

Come on. Come on.

Okay, I'm gonna,
I'm gonna go get my stuff.

I go-- I gotta get my stuff.

Imma go get my stuff.

Mom, he's--

It's okay. It's okay.

He's not going forever.

He's just going for now.

No!

But the thing is,

nobody is a perfect parent or person.

No one means
to hurt the people that they love.

But life is messy.

And being human is hard.

So I think all we can do
is try to make our mistakes sacred.

Make them mean something.

And I think that that might start
with radical honesty.

Even if it doesn't make sense
to anyone else but you.

Hey, what are you doing?

I thought maybe you could
teach me your card game.

I feel like I'm ready to learn.

Maybe later.

'Cause in the end,
it's not about what you owe someone else.

It's not even about
what you owe yourself.

It's about who you want to be.

Need a lift?

What's good, y'all?

Woo-hoo!