01x10 - Episode 10

[bunniefuu]

Been a while since
we've had a flasher.

What? Remember Fidelma
from the bowling club?

Oh, yeah.
Whipped her blouse and bra off

and did a lap of the green
in her white culottes.

Well, it's not often our seniors
make the semifinals, Callum.

What will she do
if they win the league?

So, anyway, your man this morning,
he was on the beach.

Chasing after ramblers,

scared the life out of
the auld dolls.

Help!

Help... Help!

Help!

Help!

I am arresting you
for indecent exposure. What?!

You do not have to say anything...

I can't find my girlfriend.

You should be looking for her.
She could be in danger.

Callum, is there any chance...?!

Yeah, yeah.

She planned a surprise for me,

a romantic night under the stars.

Brought a picnic, loads of booze -

but I think I was
the only one drinking.

She suggested going for a dip.

Naked?

Next thing I wake up like this.

My car's gone, everything in it -
and so's Roisin.

Er, OK, well...look, let's get you
somewhere a bit more private

and we'll take some details down,
like your girlfriend's name,

address, that sort of thing, OK?

I haven't known her that long,
we met online.

Ditto, pal. A week and going strong.

I don't have an address,
but her name's Roisin Quinley.

So, mobile phone,
wallet and your car.

Anything missing from here?

Don't think so.

What if she's been abducted?

Could you do some door to door?

If she's been back,
someone might've seen her.

Peter, have you any
photos of Roisin?

Yeah, loads.

On my phone.

Although I got a new tablet
yesterday -

we were trying out the camera,
just mucking about.

Oh, no.

That's gone too, yeah?

It was still in the box,
right there.

It looks like your girlfriend's
had you over.

I can't believe it.

She was into me.

Like...

..well into me.

No CCTV, but the couple next door

saw a blonde lady come home
last night, in Peter's car.

She woke them up
knocking over a wheelie bin.

Ten minutes later, she's off again.

And the rest of it,
if I know Roisin Quinley.

Siobhan has asked to meet me
at lunchtime.

I've a feeling she wants to
talk about me and her.

She didn't say anything?

Well, nothing specific, no, but...

I mean, I can't think what
else it would be.

I really want to tell
Siobhan about us today.

I hate lying to her,
I hate keeping secrets.

Have lunch then,
see what she has to say.

Regardless of what my ex has to say,
she's still my ex.

Today's a new start for us.

No more hiding.

We think Roisin lured Peter
to the beach,

plied him with drink
until he passed out,

stole his clothes and his belongings

and drove off in his car.

Roisin Quinley only got
out of Falbridge Prison

a couple of weeks ago.

It was burglary and drugs charges
on probation.

Sounds like a catch.

She also deleted her dating profile.

Yeah, you should get
rid of those apps too, kid.

I already have.
Have you not heard?

The cub's courtin'.

Oh, the cougar?
Beth's not that much older.

And it's more than courtin',
all right?

It's the real deal.

It's only been a week!

You can tell us all about her
later, at Barry's charity do.

Oh, believe me, I've heard enough.

But the free bar'll take
the edge off, Marlene. Mm.

Yeah, well, you'd know!

Surprise!

Lil!

For goodness' sake.

Mm!

I had no clue you were coming.

I wouldn't have missed it
for the world.

Hey, Concepta.

How about ya?

How did you hear about this?

Barry and Marlene
couldn't get hold of ya.

A little bird told me.

Nicole!

Oh, hi, Lil. New look?

Turns out blondes
don't have more fun.

Now, are yous two serving, or what?

Give everyone a double on me.

Someone's in the money.

Aye. Got me own company,
selling weight loss supplements.

Great for the old bingo wings.

And the wee pots.

Hey. That's solid muscle.

Actually, I'm in the market
for an investor.

?300 buys you a share in my wee
company - and my undying gratitude.

He should get that anyway.

Given all Barry's done for you.

Barry...

Would you like to rehearse
your speech now or later?

Concepta has my speech.

She's cutting it down
with her sharp tongue.

Just because you raised
a couple of quid

doesn't mean we need to hear
your life story.

And it's just a great opportunity
to earn money doing nothing.

Plus, you get a free month's
supply of Lil's Pills.

Not for me, hon.

I'm eating healthily,
doctor's orders.

You sick, hon? No.

We're having fertility tests done.

Trying for our first baby.

Aye.

With any luck, I'll be a da soon.

You'll have to find someone else
to flog those to.

We're not into those
pyramid schemes, hon.

She doesn't know, then?

Know what?

That you've got a kid already.

So, Peter's card was used 0900 hours

at the ATM on Main Street
this morning.

?300 was withdrawn.

That's promising.

Roisin might still be in the area.

Then someone local
could've seen her.

Only me.

Hiya, Ma.

Not interrupting anything, am I? No.

Ma.

Have you seen Roisin Quinley
recently?

Can't say that I have...

..but that sister of yours
got wind of the free bar.

Lil's here?!

Can you believe that?

I doubt she's just
here for Barry's award.

She's got her eye on
the main chance, that girl.

How did Lil know?

Cos we couldn't get a hold of her.

No idea - but she's flashing
the cash, all right.

She got a round in.

And I missed it?!
Where's the justice?

Go and see her. We can spare you
for a couple of hours.

I'll just finish this
incident report, OK?

Yeah, I should get back
to work as well.

Not a fan of Marlene's sister?

Never mind about Lil -
it's Siobhan I'm worried about.

Finn's meeting her in a bit.

Do you think she's going to
tell him about the cancer?

She better had.

I'm choked, keeping that quiet
the last few days.

I was mortified, I tell ya!

Lil!

Hey!

Oh!

Oh, I love the new do!

This is her. The wee wild child.

Anyone looks wild next to Marlene.

Nice to meet you, Lil. I'm Leila.

What are you having, then?

Oh, nothing, thanks. I'm trying to
track someone down, actually.

Oh, you'll never guess who.

Roisin Quinley.

Oh, no.

Well, you won't find her in here.
She's barred.

Stealing from customers
after they'd had a few.

Our Lil can't stand her, can you?

They used to be best mates.

Cheeky mare ran off with my fella.

We were engaged.

He gave her my ring -
and what's worse,

she wore it.

For shame.

Remember the engagement party here?

The families.

Rougher than a badger's bum.

And then, to top it all off,
they made up these malicious lies

about our Lil stealing
the engagement presents.

Where might I find this Roisin?

25 Greencopse Lane.

I've been up there a few times.

You wipe your feet on the way out.

Here you go.

Peanut butter and jam,
for old time's sake.

Nice one, sis.

So, how long are you
sticking around?

We don't all want to grow roots,

live and die in exactly
the same spot. Mm.

Now you sound like Ma - flighty.

She always said you had a spiteful
side, underneath the girl guide act.

Well, she should've tried
loving me, then,

instead of dropping me
when you arrived.

Och, she lost interest in both of us
when something else came along. Mm.

New man, new job, new home.

Boohoo.

Life's tough, then you die.

So, um...

Charlie Bear not want to
visit his brother?

Mum only bought us those
because she messed up again.

Binned mine when I moved.

Oh, OK.

It's your life.

I only pry so I know you're OK.

I worry.

Aye, me too.

Not much has changed since school.

"Hockey's hard.

"Miss Matthews showed me
how to swing my stick.

"She's so pretty..."

Stop... You've been hoking!

I didn't have to.

Your old diaries are in the same
place, you eej...

Ow! That was really sore!

What are yous up to in here?
Ow! She hit me!

Hey, cut that out, you.

Or I'll get the castor oil
and the big spoon.

I'm surprised at you,
Marlene Pettigrew...

Me?! Scrapping with your own flesh
and blood -

and you in uniform.

What are yous like?

Takes me back, I tell ya.

So, you didn't tell us -
how did you find out about today?

Wouldn't you like to know? Mm.

Any joy?

I've spoken to Roisin,

but she says she's never
heard of a Peter Hughes,

let alone had
a naked picnic with him.

There's none of Peter's
property in her possession,

and no hits or alerts
on the car either.

Marvellous. Don't worry.

I've set up a video ID parade.

Take your time.

She looks a bit like her,

but, no,
Roisin's got way better hair.

I wouldn't take any of them out
if you paid me.

You know this isn't a dating site,
right?

She's not there.

Would you like to take another look?

Do you think I wouldn't
recognise my own girlfriend?

Either there's another
Roisin Quinley scamming people

or someone's using her name.

Well, whoever's done this has
probably set up that dating profile

with the intent of stealing
from the men she meets.

Which means it's likely that Peter
wasn't the first.

Let's set up an E-FIT.

It'll give us a much clearer picture
of what our suspect looks like.

And, Cal, can you run
a search for any similar cases?

Yeah, on it.

I better go.

Good luck.

Er, listen, I don't think I'm going
to make it to Barry's do.

Er, I've to get back to Belfast
for an appointment.

There's something
I really need to get off me chest.

I'm seeing someone.

What?

Yeah.

I mean, who?

Leila.

From work.

Yeah, I know who she is.

Finn, sorry,
I need a minute, mate, I...

Well, I'll leave you to it, then.
I gotta go.

Wait...

You said you wanted to talk to me!

Sorry, mucker.

It's just, um...
Lil knows about my daughter.

How?

She's mates with Chanel Kelly.
The kid's ma.

I'd no idea.

And you think Lil's going to blab
everything to Nicole?

I don't want to take that chance.

You're going to have to decide,
mate, who you're more frightened of.

Ronan "the Machete Man" Kelly

or Nicole.

You mean losing Nicole.

You need to tell her, mate,
as soon as you can.

Before somebody else does.

Hey.

How was Siobhan?

Well, I've told her.

Which is good.

She was OK?

She couldn't wait to get
out of there.

And that's it?

Sorry.

Ah, suspect's E-FIT's in.

Doesn't that look a bit like...?

Lil.

Marlene's sister?

So, why don't you seem surprised?

Because it's not the first time.

The night of Roisin Quinley's
engagement party,

my ma caught Lil, here,
smashing up Roisin's car.

I let her go,
to spare Marlene and Barry.

So, that rumour...

There was never any evidence

that she'd stolen
their engagement presents.

But you suspect she did.

More than suspected.

I let Lil go, and it was a mistake.

I can't do it again.

Where did you disappear to?

Lil?

Was it you pretending to be
Roisin Quinley?

What are yous doing?

Throwing a party I'm not invited to?

Lilian Pettigrew, I'm arresting you
on suspicion of theft.

You do not have to say anything,
but it may harm your defence

if you do not mention
when questioned

something you later rely on
in court.

Anything you do say
may be given in evidence.

I'm innocent, Uncle Barry, I swear.

Are you out of your mind?

My stepdaughter is no thief.

Then she's got nothing to
worry about.

I've never met Lil, but does it seem
like the sort of thing she'd do?

Niamh?

Mum's going back to Belfast.

For good.

Dumping me.

Callum and I can go conduct
the interview with Lil.

Yeah.

Why do I never know what's going on?

She was meant to be staying here.

With us.

You know your mother,
she's a strong-minded woman.

Mum's not strong, it's all put on.

She's taking tonnes of pills,
crying all the time over nothing.

What pills?

Like she'd tell me!

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Hey.

I just don't get it, Dad!

What made her change her mind
so fast?

Lil.

This is Police Constable
Callum McCarthy.

Nice to meet you.

You understand
the charges against you?

The theft of Peter Hughes' car,
tablet, mobile phone,

bank card and cash from an ATM.

No, I don't understand.

Because Peter gave me those things.

Sorry, I... I can't do this.

One moment, please.

That's my...girlfriend.

What?

You've been dating Marlene's sister?
No, no.

I was dating a blonde girl
named Beth.

Or I...I thought I was.

What's going on?

Niamh says you've been upset.

That you're taking pills.
What are they?

Ah, just 50 milligrams
of none of your concern.

I know you're angry with me,
Siobhan, but she's worried sick.

Well, if she'd asked me
I'd have told her.

Multivits, probiotics,
the contraceptive pill.

Or is that TMI?

Was that for...?

For you?!

No, Finn -
sorry to burst your wee bubble

but not all the ladies
of Norn Ireland are queuing outside.

I thought you were single.

Well, I'd been
seeing my personal trainer.

Had a wobble.

I mean, the guy's ten years younger
and fit as a butcher's dog

and I felt old.

I thought I was wasting my time,
but he's convinced me that I'm not.

So that's what
I wanted to tell you today.

Does Niamh know about him?

Och, I can do without the judgment.

She'd have me in fluffy pyjamas

and watching boxsets
with a boring old fart.

She thinks you're dumping her.

To be honest, I am.

I want to live a little.
Is there something wrong with that?

This isn't you, Siobhan.
There's something else going on.

What, cos I'm happy?

Well, that says a lot.

So, you leaving has got
nothing to do with Leila?

Finn, there was a reason
our marriage failed.

I'd be mad to go back there.

Put your keys through the letterbox
on your way out.

I should never have let Lil move
back in with her mother.

That's why she went a bit wild.

They learn by example.
That's for sure.

It wasn't your fault.

Oh, she was 15.

She needed love and stability.

You were grand. You had your start
in the police college.

She had a...a flaky mam
and Roisin Quinley on her shoulder.

Would you keep still?

Ach, why bother?

My day's ruined anyway.
Don't be daft.

I bought a new blouse and I don't
do that for just anybody.

Lil said she was innocent, so
I'm sure she'll be out soon enough.

Yeah, but the girl will be in bits.

I'll make a wee investment
in this business of hers.

That'll put a smile
back on her face.

You were saying the items you're
accused of stealing were gifts.

I'm not a thief.

Make sure you tell Callum that.

Let's start with the tablet.

Peter bought that for me.

OK, so, this morning,
you left him drunk and naked

and used his debit card
fraudulently.

No.

I took the exact amount that he was
investing in my business.

He gave me his PIN number.

Look, Pete's just jealous,
trying to stitch me up.

Jealous why?

I broke up with him last night.

Told him I'd fallen
for someone else.

Someone I really care about.

Is that why you took Peter's phone
and clothes?

Drove off in his car?

We left our stuff in a bush
while we went swimming,

his must still be there -

and I took the car
to stop him drink-driving.

Haven't had a chance
to return it yet.

You should be thanking me
for keeping the roads safe.

Lil insists
she misunderstood your intentions,

and when we checked the beach, your
clothes were there, like she said.

Did you give her your PIN number?

Well, that was just so she could
fill up the car one time.

So, she also had access
to your vehicle?

Can I just get out of here now?

Will you make a statement?

Course I won't.

I'd look like a total clown.

Another satisfied customer.

I aim to please.

Not long now. We can go to Nicole's
free bar together, as a couple.

Is Siobhan going?

Well, apparently Siobhan has
a fella in Belfast.

So she couldn't care less.

You don't think she might just be
saying that, to save face?

If Siobhan wants to play games,
then let her.

Only me.

Sure, why ring the bell when you can
barge in without warning?

You still haven't told him
about the cancer.

You saw Finn today.

I didn't want his pity.

Couldn't stomach it.

Besides, I'm leaving.

Go, then.

Your kids are used to seeing
the back of your head.

Do you think I want Niamh and Shay
to see me get sick?

I'm not running away,
I'm protecting them.

And I promise you this,
if you tell anyone I'm sick,

I'll take them to Belfast

and you'll see them once a month,
if you're lucky.

Don't be ridiculous.

You need your family around.

You think you can do this alone?

You don't want Finn?

Finn doesn't want me.

That's why I'm going.

Give the man a chance.

You left him for someone else...

He's sleeping with your pal Leila.

He's your son
and she's living with you.

How could you not know,
when you're so nosy?

What I want to know is what you had
planned for PC McCarthy.

I didn't know who Callum was
when we met.

Just fancied him.

And he's a sweetheart.

I don't come across many of them.

Then he told me about his job -

and his sarge, Marlene.

Yep.

OK to come in?

Just a silly misunderstanding, sis.

Isn't that right, Finn?

Really?

Yeah.

She'll be out of here,
once I've done this paperwork.

I ought to have an apology.

And Barry.

Your lot ruined his day.

So, about Barry.

He won't be investing
in your company, OK?

He doesn't have the money.

But he just can't say no to you.

But, look, if you're stuck for cash,

why don't you come home
for a wee while? We'd love that.

And you know if you're
ever in trouble...

Er, did I miss something?

Because I thought I was being
released without charge -

and here's you
talking like I'm a criminal.

Ahem.

Hi, Barry.

Uncle Barry.

These eejits have finally
set me free.

Now I know how poor
Nelson Mandela felt.

Oh, hi, Callum. What about ya?

It was all a daft misunderstanding,
exactly as I told ya.

Where's Leila?

I want a hefty word.

I'll see you outside.

I'm sorry, Cal.

But at least you know I'm innocent.

Of theft, maybe.

Not cheating.

Not faking an identity.

Beth? Roisin? Lil?

I don't even know who you are.

Were you even a natural blonde?

I just fancied a change.

On the same day Peter Hughes
reported you.

Yeah, funny that.

Everything between us was real.

What difference does a name
or hair colour matter?

We'll go to Uncle Barry's do
together and we'll tell everyone...

You're not serious!

You made an absolute mug of me.

This was over the second I saw
your face in that interview room.

Lil.

Hang on.

Key.

Lilian.

They won't trouble you again.

Come on, let's celebrate.

Whew.

Could this day get any worse?

Ah, there's still time.

She told me her name was Beth.

At least now I understand how Lil
found out about Barry's do.

And there's me planning
to ask her to move in.

You were?

Yeah, I know. Too soon.

She could do a lot worse.

And, here, look,
for what it's worth,

she really does like you.
I can tell.

Yeah, I'll survive.

Just wish I hadn't gone into
so much detail about our sex life.

Aye.

It's pretty awkward.

Yeah.

Let's, um...

Let's not talk about it again, eh?

Yeah.Great.

What is it?

Siobhan?No.

The trial in Nottingham.

It's off.

What?

Yeah. The g*ng all pleaded guilty.

I don't have to testify!

It's over.

No more hiding. You're safe.

I can go home.

To see my family.
Yeah, of course you can -

you can do whatever you like.

We should celebrate tonight.

We could tell everybody about us.

No.

It's Barry's do.

Let him have his moment.

Yeah. Well, maybe
after the ceremony.

I can whisk you off somewhere
fancy for dinner.

Well, actually,
the car's in the garage,

so you'd have to whisk me off.

Clint! You gave me a fright!

What are you doing
bursting in on me like that?

I wish I'd told you sooner...

..but it didn't seem
so important at the start,

and then all of a sudden it was.

You want kids so bad.

I'm already a dad.

You've got a kid?

Before me?

Yes. Of course.

One drunken night, before I met you.

You're a daddy?

To?

A boy or a girl, Clint?

Er, a girl. She's a wee girl.

A daughter.

SHE LAUGHS

I can take her shoe shopping.

We can get our nails done!

I thought you'd k*ll me!

I mean, yeah, I should...

..but it's kind of reassuring.

There's nothing wrong
with your wee swimmers, and...

I'm a step-mummy!

It's complicated.

Um, her other half doesn't know,
and he really can't.

Says who?

You're her daddy.

We're going to do the right thing!

Found Charlie Bear in Peter's car
with the rest of your stuff.

I knew you'd never get rid of him.

You overestimate me.

Soz about your diary.

I was only having a laugh.

So, um, what else did you see
in there?

Nothing I didn't already know.

So, you're g*y.

Why keep it a secret?

You think Barry'll disown you? No.

You scared? No!

You are so.

You're as terrified
of relationships as I am.

No-one can leave you if you're not
together to begin with, right?

Well, we've Ma to thank for that.

All the "uncles", different houses,

new rules, step siblings -

and just as you've learnt
to love them,

you're saying goodbye to them again.

You should be out there,
living life, sis,

falling for some gorgeous
hot l*sbian lover.

Well, you should be staying out of
trouble - but, look, here we are.

Anyway, thank you.

For not blabbing.

Aw, give over, you big melt.

We're flesh and blood.

Got each other's backs forever.

Well, you played me like a fiddle.

I'm sorry.

Siobhan didn't tell Finn
she's sick today,

because she found out
about you and him.

Remember when I told you
about my mum?

She passed away.

When you were 12.

It was breast cancer.

And I know times have changed,
and I'm sure Siobhan will be fine,

but I wouldn't have anyone
go through that on their own.

Not on my behalf.

That's why I'm leaving.

Thank you.

You are cutting it fine.

How's about ya?

Oh, Shay.
I knew you wouldn't let us down.

I can't lie, Nan.

I'd still be out fishing,
but the drama queen called.

Saying Mum's away off to Belfast.

You know, no warnings, no goodbyes.

You should be used to it now.

Mum's had more departures
than Belfast International.

OK, everyone, gather forward.

Ready to go.

OK, great, everyone gather round.

That's it, fill all the space.

Now, folks, our Barry.

Come on, Barry, come to the stage!

Over the past few years,

Barry has secretly raised

over ?100,000 for our hospital.

There are families here whose lives
he has changed for the better.

And, to present him with his award,

Inspector Finn O'Hare!

On behalf of the people
of Port Devine,

we name you, Barry Pettigrew,
Local Hero of the Year!

Hi, Cal, wish you were here.

Cheers! Cheers!

Mm!

Callum! Where've you been?

Grab yourself a wee drink.

Yeah, I'm on duty. Where's Finn?

I don't know.

I knew you couldn't stay away.

You think I'm here for you?

Ah, come on - it's over with Peter.

I wouldn't lie to you.

Is that what you said
to the four other men

whose bank accounts you emptied?

I don't know what you're
on about, but...

..I can't love a guy
who doesn't trust me.

It was fun while it lasted, eh?

Have I entered the Twilight Zone?

You've been strange with me
for days - and lovely to Siobhan.

I've no idea what you're on about.

Yes, you do.

Well, it's none of my business.

Ma, that has never stopped
you before.

Leila's flying to Nottingham.

I'm sorry, love,
but you need to be told.

She's leaving.

Why?

Because...she found out
your wife has cancer.

Siobhan has gone back to Belfast
for her first treatment. Alone.

Shay, I need your car keys.

Dad, what's the craic?

That's got to be about Mum.

It's about Lil.

Four more victims of theft and fraud
identified her as a suspect.

I think we should bring her back in.
Arrest her, then.

But how do I tell Marlene?

Tell me what? Finn!

Finn... Finn!

Finn!

You should've told me sooner, Ma.

I'm not going to forgive you
for this.

Where are you going?

The airport or the hospital?

Finn, are you OK?

Finn, Finn?

Oh!