01x03 - Shaggy Busted

[bunniefuu]

Will you be cool?

Avenger, have you seen that file,
the one l was just looking at?

lt was big, yellow, and legal looking.

This place is a mess.
You know what we need? A clerk.

A clerk.

What?

Come on, it's just an assistant.
Not a partner like you.

Who's my eagle?

Night!

Debbie, send in the next candidate.

-Debbie!
-Hate.

Take a seat.

ls that your bird?

Can l touch it?

Does it bite?

-How about we start with your name?
-Peanut.

So, your last job was at....
l don't see anything listed.

-l used to work at a baltimization plant.
-Baltimization?

Oh, yeah.

You see, the Japanese claim
it increases sexual potency tenfold.

They call it....

Really?

Do you know?

Pazazza.

So, you quit that job?

Actually, l believe
l was fired from that job.

There was the m*rder of a supervisor.
Nothing proven.

l just thought it was better to move on.

There's something about you.

lt's a good something, though.
Definitely a good something.

Thank you, Harvey.

Hello?

Yes. l see.

That's no good.

What say you come down here
first thing in the morning.... What?

Don't worry.
A night in the pokey never k*lled anyone.

Builds character.

-Remember me?
-And me?

-And....
-Here, let me just do it.

Okay, stop pulling. lt's gonna bind.

So, consider that your first lesson
in lawyering.

Clerk.

The job. lt's yours.

-Congratulations.
-Well, gosh, that's great.

-Do l get a g*n?
-Sure!

as*ault and battery.
Yeah, you never use that.

Larceny? No. So, that about covers it.
Any questions?

Your 10.:00 is here. Fred Jones.

Send him in. Fred Jones?

Fred Jones. How are you, buddy?

l'm fine.

Listen, we've got a bit of a problem,
the g*ng and l.

g*ng stuff. Listen up. What happened?

Last night, we were out at this
old abandoned cotton mill and--

l know. One of your homies
took one in the bobo.

No. Actually, Shaggy
and Scooby were arrested.

lt was awful.

Now you see why banging doesn't pay?

l'll take the case.

But first, you're gonna have
to lose the colors.

We'll have your pals out of here in no time.

-You blew it, Birdman!
-Rot in hell, Birdman!

Fellas.

Daddy is gonna be home real soon.

Guys, meet your new attorney,
Mr. Birdman.

-Now, which one of you is Shaggy?
-Like, l am.

Okay, that's your street name.
What's the name your mom gave you?

l've seen this before.
Profiling. Two young men...

in a van....

lnappropriate laughter.

So, let's have it.

-Like, have what?
-The truth!

When you're ready to rap.
When you're really ready to get real.

You've got my number.

l know the way it looks.
But that's just the way they are.

Yeah. They always act that way.

Sprechen Sie sexy.

-You mean to tell me they weren't--
-Hi.

-Nope. They're just stupid.
-l'll see what l can do.

Hip pocket.

Spyro. This seat taken?

No reason. l just had a drama question.

This wouldn't have anything to do with...

those two poltroons
you're representing, would it?

-Now that you mention it--
-No deal. Good morrow.

Come on, sit down. Let's talk for a minute.

-So, where did you go to school?
-Choate.

Good school.

-Still keep in touch with your pals?
-Not really.

-And law school?
-Yale.

Does this interminable questioning
have a purpose?

Just two colleagues
getting to know one another.

So it's not outrageous
when one of them asks the other...

-to cut him a tiny deal.
-Never!

l'd advise you
to clean up your clients, Counselor.

Put ties on them.

Because, soon, Lady Justice....

Now l see why the buddies never call.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,
we all lived through the '70s.

The clothes, the music.

The heart-warming,
but rarely amusing Ziggy cartoons.

Now, later, who are we
to look at these two fine young men...

and say,
''You there, l sit in judgment of you.''

On you? No. Of you.

-l think not.
-Mr. Spyro Gyro, your turn.

Good eve, sirs.

Knowest thou why l have
asked thee to tarry?

By leave, sir, no.

Hath we some wrong done?

Shaggy, take flight.
lt's the devilish apparition!

Tell us, Officer...

did you find any incriminating material
in the van?

Affirmative. Yes.

-Such as?
-Five, six pizza boxes.

Eye drops, some clips.

Do you mean this young lady's hairpins?
You'll have to do better than that, Officer.

There was this incense, Jamaican Love.

And, l might add...

if we arrested everyone
in possession of this product...

there would be a lot fewer people
Jamaican Love tonight.

So, Miss Dinkley...

how would you characterize
your friends' odd behavior?

When they get nervous, they laugh.

-And they're always hungry. That's it.
-Nothing further.

Miss Dinkley, describe for us
what we're seeing.

That would be us investigating something.

And this?

Well, l don't really remember.

Let's see if we can refresh your memory.

Your Honor, people's 18.

This. This.

This. This.

This. These.

And, of course, this.

You know, Scoob, it just dawned on me!

Scooby Dooby....

Those clips are all taken out of context!

You're just trying to make us
look goofy and paranoid.

Goofy?

Paranoid?

Nothing further.

l'm feeling willy.

l'm feeling wily.

Mr. Birdman, l don't mean to be rude...

but shouldn't you have known
about that tape?

That's why you're there, kid,
and l'm here. Experience.

lt's the only thing
that separates us from the animals.

Well, that and product placement.

You know, if we could find the monster
and capture him...

the police would believe our story.
And then they'd drop the charges.

Honey, all this
power of deduction stuff is cute.

But l've got two lives in my hands here.
Two souls dependent on me...

giving the performance of my life
tomorrow in that courtroom.

-Scotch?
-Hell, yeah! Let's get stinko.

Your Honor, l have here in my hand
defense exhibit....

What were we up to? Three? Four?

We caught him ! We caught the monster!

Mr. Birdman, you better have
a damn good explanation for this!

He does, Your Honor.

We caught this man running around
the old cotton mill, scaring people off.

Old man Backov!

Back off!

l would have succeeded, too...

-if it hadn't been for those--
-These meddling kids.

No! That damn cotton market!
Don't you tell me!

All these hip-hop rats,
damn likely wool wear...

for crying out loud! Hip-puz, yes.

Wait a minute. What the hell am l....
Nobody wears dungarees anymore.

So l did what any sensible farmer
would do.

l switched crops!

So, wait a sec.

-Are you trying to say--
-What? Soybeans!

Puppy power!