05x25 - A Country Cousin Christmas

[bunniefuu]

Look, Mama. Here are the stockings.

Here's Santa.

And here's the tree.

Who are you talking to?
Is that my favorite cousin, Betty Jane?

Cousin Rae.

How's my girl doing
on her first Christmas away from home?

Aw, thanks for asking.

Yeah, you know, I miss Nia and the snow.
Christmas in Chicago was a--

I-I was talking about Alice.

I knew that.

Well, Auntie Rae's taking me to see
The Nutcracker and then ice-skating.

Oh, so your swamp done froze over already.

We're going to Pier 39.
It's not real ice. It's just plastic.

Well, I gotta go, Mama.

I gotta finish
my gingerbread affordable housing complex.

Well, whatever happened to just
a good old-fashioned gingerbread house?

Oh, come on, Betty Jane.

This is San Francisco.
Nobody can afford a house here.

Merry Christmas.

I miss you.

I miss you, too. Love you.

What are you doing to my building?

It's an inspection.

Roof's good.

♪ Ha ha!
Let me tell you something ♪

♪ Had my vision all worked out ♪

-♪ But then life had other plans ♪
-♪ Tell 'em, Mom ♪

♪ It's crazy when things
Turn upside down ♪

♪ But you gotta get up
And take that chance ♪

-♪ A new city, I'm finding my way ♪
-♪ It's gonna take some time ♪

-♪ Yeah, we're gonna be okay ♪
-♪ You know I got it, right? ♪

♪ It might be wild
But you know that we make it work ♪

♪ We're just fam caught up
In a crazy world, come on! ♪

-♪ It's Raven's Home ♪
-♪ We get loud! ♪

-♪ Yeah, Raven's Home ♪
-♪ It's our crowd! ♪

♪ Might be tough
But together we make it look good ♪

♪ Down for each other like family should ♪

-♪ It's Raven's Home ♪
-♪ When it's tough ♪

-♪ Yeah, Raven's Home ♪
-♪ We got love ♪

♪ 'Cause no matter the weather
You know we gonna shine ♪

♪ There for each other
You know it's our time ♪

[laughs] Yep, that's us.

[Neil whispers] Hey.

Are you sure about this, dude?

Just watch the door. All right?

I can't wait another second
to open my gift.

I asked my dad to give me some new Waves.
I gotta see if he came through.

If you'd have told me
you're opening a present before Christmas,

I never would have done this.

-Neil, relax.
-How can I relax?

Remember?

"Sees you when you're sleeping.
Knows when you're awake."

Are you afraid of Santa?

No. I'm talking about your mom.

I'll wrap 'em back up.
She'll never know I opened it.

[chuckles]

Check it!

-You wanna smell 'em?
-Obviously.

-What are you doing?
-[both scream]

-It was his idea.
-It was his idea.

I thought you were my mom.

That's ridiculous.
I sound nothing like your mom.

And you were supposed to be up here

getting your donations together
for The Chill Grill holiday drive.

And now I do sound like your mom.

Now that I know I'm getting these,
I can finally get rid of these.

Air Gordons?

Yeah. Grandpa Vic went shopping
without his glasses again.

[Raven] Hey, Booker!

[Neil gasps] She's coming.
Okay. All right.

[screams] Uh, don't come up, Mom,
'cause I'm coming down.

Nothing going on up here.

Just-- Just three friends kickin' it.

Definitely not up to anything.

Smooth.

Oh, that's so cute.

Did Booker make it when he was little?

No. He made it this morning.

[doorbell rings]

-Surprise!
-Surprise!

Come and give your here
granddad a hug there.

-Hey, baby. Oh.
-There. There.

Mama, Grandpa Delroy,
what are you all doing here?

Well, I just missed my baby girl so much,

I couldn't stand the thought
of spending Christmas without her.

[chuckles] Well, I wasn't expecting it,
but hey, I'm glad you're here.

I'd be glad too
if you offered your guests some snacks.

I'm starving.

I can't believe you came.

We can all spend Christmas together.
This will be so cool.

This trail mix is dry. [spits]

That-- That's because it's potpourri.

Oh, it's potpourri. Ah, she fancy, huh?

She got that fancy trail mix.

[hums]

Oh, okay, well. Well, well.

-Delroy!
-Hey.

What a nice surprise.
What are you doing here?

Well, I was dropping off my bag to my room

but then I got distracted by
that, uh, full moon.

Very funny.

-What you doin' with all them boxes?
-These are donations.

Tonight, I'm hosting
the annual Chill Grill holiday drive

and, you know, trying to give back.

Oh.

Well, since you in such a giving mood,
why don't you give me that 20 you owe me?

I don't owe you 20 bucks.

I distinctly remember
giving you $40 last year.

So, now it's 40?

Victor, stop being so cheap
and let me get that $60 you owe me.

I gotta get down to The Chill Grill.

Oh, cool, I'll meet you down there.
I'll take that $80 out the register.

I thought you were going to help me
with these boxes.

Yeah, for sure, for sure.

Nor-- Normally, I would.
You know, I would.

But, um, I got a bad back
and a trick knee,

and honestly [scoffs]
I really don't want to. [laughs]

Ugh. I love this time of year.

[orchestral Christmas music playing]

-[door opens]
-[Betty Jane grunting]

[record scratches]

What in the holly jolly Christmas
is going on here?

[Betty Jane grunts, cackles]

Betty Jane, where did you get that tree?

[pants] I chopped it down from next door.

You stole the neighbors' tree?

[Betty Jane pants]

You can't own a tree, Raven.

Nature belongs to everyone.

You know what? I'll make sure I tell the
cops that when they're looking for you.

My Alice has had a real tree every
Christmas since the day she was born.

You can't have
a down-home country Christmas without one.

Well, yes, that is true.

But I wasn't planning on having
a down-home country Christmas.

I was planning on having
a San Francisco Christmas.

Well, good thing I'm here.

I'll have this place countrified
in a minute.

Oh, that's nice, Betty Jane. Thank you.

But I already have the decorations up, so

Whoo! It looks like, uh,
this-- this area's free. [laughs]

Now, don't you touch that tree.

I haven't had a chance
to de-squirrel it yet. Mm-hmm.

Santa, give me strength.

Ivy,
the worst thing in the world happened.

-Your sneakers are missing.
-My sneakers are missing.

Wait. How'd you know that?

Because your grandfather
accidentally brought them down here.

And because you're shallow.

I don't even care
that you called me shallow.

I'm just glad I know where they are.

-Where-- Where are they?
-Right over there.

Neil? What happened to that box
I left on the counter?

-Oh, I wrapped it.
-Why would you do that?

[scoffs] I'm an elf, Booker.
It's what we do.

My Waves were in there.

Don't stress.
I know exactly what the box looks like.

I wrapped it in red,
green and white paper.

Why are they all wrapped in red,
green and white paper?

'Cause those are the colors of Christmas.

And you call yourself an elf.

What in

Okay, well

[sighs]
The smell of pine is kinda nice, I guess.

What is that?

Sticky.

[grunts]

Come on, man.

[Alice] Okay, Auntie Rae. Ready to go.

[grunts, chuckles]

Should have seen that coming.

-[Alice] Ta-da!
-Oh, wow. Don't you look nice.

-Thank you.
-[Raven chuckles]

I'm so excited to go to The Nutcracker.

I have been practicing my fancy clap.

Oh, well.

Let me help you with that.

Ow! Sweet Santa's sleigh! That hurts.

[muttering]

Alice, what are you wearing?

You can't go fishing dressed like that.

Where are you going fishing?

Well, I saw a pond next door.

Figured I'd catch us
some Christmas dinner.

That's my neighbors' Zen garden.

It all tastes the same
with some tartar sauce.

Come on, Alice.

Mama, why don't you come to the ballet
with us?

Oh.

Oh, um

No-- No, I'm-- I'm a--
I'm gonna go ahead and go fishing.

Besides, it would be a shame to waste
a pocket full of night crawlers.

No. You know what? Alice is right.

You should definitely go to the ballet
with us.

-O-Okay. If you're sure?
-I sure am.

Why don't you go change clothes?
We'll wait.

Oh, no need.

These are my fancy waders. [laughs]

All right. Let's skedaddle.
Come on. Let's go.

No. Wait, no. We-- We can--
I got-- I got some--

[Betty Jane babbling]

I've got some extra clothes.

I can't believe you got us kicked out
of The Nutcracker.

[stammers] It's not my fault.

We sat through half the ballet,
and I did not see one nut get cracked.

Not an almond, a walnut, a hazelnut,
a pecan, a macadamia nut, a pistachio.

There were peanuts at the concession.

Well, they're technically more the legume.

Well, Auntie Rae says
that the ballet is an acquired taste.

And your Auntie Rae used to also eat glue.

Ah, it wasn't glue!

It was paste.

How about we get into
some more comfy clothes, hmm?

-Yeah.
-Auntie Rae, you can make some hot cocoa.

And Mama,
you can read me a Christmas story.

Well, that's a good idea, sweet pea.

I need to get out my waders anyway.

Uh, I think a few of the worms
done found their way out my pocket.

Wait, wait. Where are you going?
Out door is that way.

Okay.

Hey. Have you found my shoes yet, Neil?

-Neil?
-Hmm? [clears throat]

-What are you doing in there?
-You know when you try to find something

and it's always
in the last place you look?

Yeah, I decided to start there.

-Any luck?
-No.

Turns out,
when you start with the last place,

it becomes the first place.

And it's never there.

Back at the enchanted restaurant,

while the two buffoon elves searched
in vain for the missing present

the beautiful, brilliant elf brought
Christmas cheer to all the children.

The end.

-We want Santa. We want Santa.
-We want Santa. We want Santa.

-We want Santa.
-We want Santa.

You guys better find those shoes fast.

I am all out of stories.

[scoffs] I guess I could sing.

Ivy, you can't do that.

These kids have already been through
too much.

If only I knew which box it was in.

Wow. New Waves. Just what I wanted.

Are you having another vision
or did you just cut one?

It was a vision.

But let's step this way.

Guys, I think I know
how I'm gonna get my shoes back.

I really appreciate you coming down
to help out.

And you wore your ugly Christmas sweater.

What do you mean "ugly"?
What do you mean? This is my Sunday best.

[laughs] But, you know, Betty Jane
made you one just like it. Remember that?

Where did you put it?
Did you give it away?

No, no. That's my favorite sweater.

I wear it all the time.

Favorite sweater, huh?

Hey, hey. You smell that ham, right?

It smells like
you trying to change the subject.

Come on. You should try it.

I call it "Victor's famous glazed ham."

Let me see what this tastes like.
[munches]

It is good.

It's a little too good, actually.

Hey, you know what it tastes like?

This tastes like my ham.

It's "Delroy's famous ham!"
You done stole my recipe.

-I did not.
-Yeah, you did.

Just like you stole that gravy boat
all them years ago.

Oh-- Oh-- That was a misunderstanding
between the girls.

Misunderstanding. Mister Meat.
It's all the same to you, ain't it?

Ain't it, brother?

Hey, hey. Santa's a thief.

Merry Christmas.

Santa's a thief. That's my glaze.

Delroy, you can't tell people
that Santa's a thief.

Okay. Santa's a liar.

He should confess.

I am not confessing
to something I did not do.

Put yourself on the naughty list.
Put it on the naughty list, bro!

[chuckles] There he go.
You know, that's my glaze.

I call that, uh,
"Delroy's happy holi-glaze."

[coughing]

[Raven] What is going on?

[coughs] You had too many commercials
on your TV fire,

so I thought I'd light a real one
to read to Alice.

What? You can't light a fire
in that fireplace.

It's decorative.

Why did you come down here
and ruin everything?

I was just trying to give Alice
a down-home Christmas.

You're not down home, Betty Jane.
This is how we do Christmas here.

Wh-- What?
With fake fires and robotic trees?

It's better than pinecones
and raccoon tails.

-It is not.
-It is.

-No, it is not.
-Yes, it is. My hand--

[Alice] Will you two please stop it!

Uh-- I don't want to do Christmas at all.

[Betty Jane stammers]

-See what you did.
-See what you did.

h*! Merry Christmas.

h*, h*, h*. Merry Christmas, little girl.

h*, h*, h*. h*, h*!

Merry Christmas.

I hope that's a toy,

'cause if it's a ham glaze,
it's not his to give away.

Delroy, get out of here.

I'm just saying, it's not his.

Hey. That's the kid from my vision.

He's gonna get my shoes.

Well, how are you gonna get 'em back?

Easy.

We'll, um, swap him this.

[scoffs]
You don't even know what's in there.

Okay. Well, then I'll sweeten the deal
with a little money.

Can I borrow some money?

Hey

-Lamar.
-Lamar. [chuckles] I knew it.

I saw your name on the nice list.

I'm Booker the elf from the North Pole.

I thought elves were short.

I'm there to get the stuff
off the top shelf.

Listen. [chuckles] There was
a little mix-up at the workshop

and Santa gave you the wrong gift.

So, how about I trade you this?

Why would I wanna do that?

Because then you'll get this present

and $5.

Here you go.

[Booker laughs]

I got it, I got it. Yes!

What the--

[gift paper crinkling]

Wow, new Waves. Just what I wanted.

This is the best Christmas ever.

Oh, so you had your sneakers in your hand
the whole time.

Now that's the last place I'd look.

[stammers] Did you talk to Alice?

She didn't open the door,
but, um, Tasha told me to go away.

Aw. This is such a mess.

I just wanted to give Alice
a little taste of home.

Just miss her so much.

You know,
this is my first Christmas without Nia.

So I get it. I would've showed up too.

I would've called first, but you know

[chuckles] Who am I kidding?
I wouldn't have called first.

[both laugh]

I have showed up
to multiple places unannounced.

Mostly in a disguise.

Well, when I saw how happy she was
without me on the video call,

something in me just-- just snapped.

-[sighs] I know that sounds selfish.
-It is not selfish, Betty Jane.

You actually did the most selfless thing
you could do.

You sent her up here so she could
take advantage of a great opportunity.

Yeah, well, I'm just afraid
of losing my baby girl.

[sighs]
I'm worried she's gonna stop missing home,

missing me.

That's not gonna happen. She loves you.

And she knows that you love her too.

Yeah, well, we ruined her Christmas.
What we gonna do?

I'm sure if we put our heads together,
we can think of something.

You're not funny.

Hey, Booker. Wait.

-Are those my Waves?
-No.

It's your football.
You traded your sneakers for it.

Like, literally, like, two minutes ago.

-Remember?
-Yes, Neil. I remember.

Hey, Tall Elf.

Boring Elf explained
exactly what happened.

Really, Lamar?

I'm pretty sure I called myself beautiful
and brilliant.

I like to keep it real.

You could've just told me, you know.
Here you go.

Thanks, man.

I really thought I wasn't gonna be able to
wear these after the break.

I got the perfect 'fit picked out too.

First, I'ma wear my Swoop Tens on Monday.

Then, I'ma wear my clear soles on Tuesday.

And just when they think I've leveled up
as far as I can go,

I say, "Bam! [chuckles]
I'm riding the Waves."

Wow, you're lucky.

I've never had
a pair of new sneaks before.

My mom thinks being able to buy food
is more important than style.

Yeah, parents are weird like that.

It's cool. Still got my Air Gordons.

Air Gordons?

Yeah, it's mostly what people give away.

It's all good. They still fit.

Kind of.

Merry Christmas.

Hey. Wait.

Merry Christmas.

-Are you serious?
-Yeah.

Everyone should know what it feels like
to rock a fresh pair of kicks.

Wow.

Thanks, Tall Elf.

-That was very nice of you, Booker.
-Yeah.

Well, you know what feels better
than getting something you want?

Giving it away
to someone who really needs it.

Thanks, Santa.

I won't stand by and watch these
good people eat any more of your lies.

Delroy, come back with that ham!

[both laugh]

-You ready?
-Mm-hmm.

-Okay.
-[clears throat]

I sure wish Alice was down here.

I know. We can't possibly eat
all this candy by ourselves.

[Alice] You're not fooling me.

What kind of candy we talking about?

You have to come down and find out.

[groans] This feels like a trick.

It is.

My sweet tooth is nothing but trouble.

Wow.

[gasps, stammers]

This is amazing.

Your Auntie Rae and I did it together.

Yeah. We wanted to apologize
for how we acted earlier.

Oh, we didn't mean to upset you,
sweet pea.

I was just afraid
that now you're here in the big city,

you'll forget all about us back home.

And I should've understood that.

Mama, I'll never forget where I came from.

I was just excited
to spend Christmas with my family.

My whole family.

[Betty Jane] Oh.

[Victor] Delroy, drop--

Drop that ham.

You're gonna have to pry it
from my cold, yet honest, hands.

Dad, what's going on?

Delroy thinks
I stole his ham glaze recipe.

Now, you know I don't think. I know it.

-G-Give me that ham. Give me the ham.
-Oh, he convinced you.

[sniffs]
This is Grandma's candied ham glaze.

Yep, that's Grandma's.

Really?

All these years I was thinking I came up
with it and it was Mama's all along?

Mm-hmm.

I'm sorry, Delroy.

Oh, you should be. That's my recipe.

-How?
-When I came to Mama in a dream, I said,

"Mama. Hey, Mama. Why don't you
put some cherry glaze on that ham?"

And you know what? She did it.

Now I know you're lying.

You weren't a dream baby.
You were a nightmare baby.

Oh, I'ma nightmare all up in your dreams
tonight. Watch out.

Oh, you wait.

Mama, Auntie Rae,
am I gonna be that crazy when I grow up?

-Yeah. Yeah. That's gonna happen.
-Yes, baby. I'm sorry. Yeah.

-That's-- Mm-hmm.
-That's your future.

There's another present.

It's to Booker.

What?

Another pair of Waves?

Who gave me these?

Another pair? Who gave you What?

-What happened to the first pair?
-I, um--

Maybe it was Santa.

[bells jingling]

[Santa] h* h* h* h*!