01x02 - Quit Your Job

[bunniefuu]

End of the g*dd*mn business day,

Right when marcel is supposed to call,

And where the hell are you?

I'm downstairs. I'm just parking.

The most important call of the year,

And you leave me to twist in the wind?

Take a deep breath, roger. I'm on my way.

I swear to g, if he calls,

I'm patching him through to you. You deal with it.

Fine. I'll do it.

And another thing-- we gotta have another little powwow, frank.

Huh? We gotta talk about your level of commitment these days.

Sure.

Then we can talk about me quitting.

That's right, babe.

Quitting.

The big "q."

Not watchin' your bony back anymore.

[Gasps]

So, when do we get to talk about my exit strategy?

Aaah!

♪ He's dapper, he's lovable ♪

♪ He doesn't like his life ♪

♪ He's frank ♪

♪ He's a lot like you ♪

♪ He's frank ♪

♪ Leaving for the orient ♪

♪ Frank ♪

♪ Headin' down the staircas♪

♪ Frank ♪

♪ Gettin' out of dodge now ♪

♪ Breakin' people's hearts now ♪

♪ Frank ♪

♪ Lovable frank ♪

Hey. You getting a new car?

I'm moving to japan.

Why?

[Japanese music plays]

It is the season of change.

You want change, get a haircut.

This is a nice car.

Is there--is there anything I should know?

About japan?

Do I look japanese?

Maybe. I don't--

My family left vietnam.

We floated on a crate for 21 days.

We ate the bottom of an old gray boot and the family goat.

Oh, god. I'm sorry.

Ha ha ha ha! No.

Actually, I grew up in pasadena.

You gotta lighten up a little, man.

Yeah. I guess.

So what'd you do, you get a k*ller job over there?

I'm gonna teach english.

Oh. Like executives, rich wives?

Not sure yet.

Well, how's it pay?

I don't know.

You got your head up your a*s, or you doing this on purpose?

Hey.t do you do, anyway?

Well, I run marketing and acquisitions

For a small edutainment company

That reformats existing medical material

Ind-rom libraries and on-demand internet data

For niche audiences.

So, chloe, would you like another drink?

Hey, sleepyhead.

Glad you could make it.

T.g.i.f. Thank god it's frank.

Oh, frank, could you sign this for helen?

That cough is back.

Oh, hey. I got the pictures from the company picnic.

[Pitchpipe toots]

♪ Oh, we're your family ♪

♪ Your fake family ♪

♪ And we fake really care about you ♪

Message 1: let's talk about canadian distribution.

Message 2: don't forget about your 2:00

Which has been changed to 3:00.

Read me.

File 2: file me.

File 3: just hold me.

Message 3: dr. Frank, we need you in surgery.

Yeah, right.

[Laughter]

God, I would love a one-sentence job.

I bet those guys have them.

I fight the sea.

I bring toys to the children.

I work for my dad.

[Telephone rings]

This is frank.

This is laura. You sound like you're hiding.

It's starting to feel that way.

So, japan?

Can we not talk about this on the phone?

Suit yourself.

So, japan?

How'd you find out?

I have my sources.

Have you told roger?

Not yet.

What are you waiting for?

A nice, smooth opening.

So what's new?

Aaaaah!

I'm gonna take a little time for me, rog.

And you're really gonna be a teacher?

Absolutely.

Don't look at me like that.

I just want to do something simple with my life

So when someone asks me, "what do you do?"

I can say, "I teach.

I am tcher."

Oh. So this is about getting babes?

This is about doing something useful.

And you're ready to walk away from all of this?

Hey, don't forget. We're having an off-site retreat

On ethics and nutrition.

♪ 'Cause we're your family ♪

♪ Your fake family ♪

Home ♪nd we don't really want to

I'm already out the door.

Then you should go see roger right now.

Do the deed.

Yeah, easy for you to say.

I mean, quitting is like breaking up.

You're the king of breaking up.

But this isn't my girlfriend. This is roger.

I have no clue how to play this.

Should I just go for the big showdown?

Guess what?

Or do I try something sweet and non-confrontational?

My son will not be working here anymore.

Are these mints?

Maybe I should just figure out a plausible lie.

Right now I have to think about the baby.

Ooh.

There's got to be a way he can just cut me loose.

Sweet jesus, a flesh-eating computer virus.

Don't be a hero.

Get out of the building!

First he'll blow up, then he'll get depressed.

And I'll spend all my time and energy and brain cells

Trying to make him feel better.

It's this sick ritual we have together.

Remember the good old days when women were more complicated?

You're still more complicated. Roger's just a big baby.

[Clears throat] roger wants you now...

And I'm telling!

I'm on my way.

Do the deed, frank.

[Bell rings]

He's on the phone.

You throw the first punch, you get him on the ropes

Before he knows it's a fight.

When he starts to dce, you trip him.

If he tries to hide, you rip him.

You're my pit bull, boy.

All right, you gotta go pow, pow, pow!

You grab that opening, you don't let go.

Yes, yes, yes--

Get the hell out of here!

Go, go, go, go.

Now, do it, do it, do it!

You're an animal!

Howam I supposed to defend you to people

If you don't tell me what you're doing?

Who's upset?

I'm upset. Anton says

He's 2 weeks behind on the interface.

Oh, that's old news. Anton pulled an all-nighter.

He's only 3 days late.

Then there's this pie of junk.

Look at this border, looks like pigeon crap.

We haven't done color correction yet.

This is just a mock-up.

We're supposed to be teaching kids about their bodies.

Jimmy looks like he's ready for a hip replacement.

The audience is kids. The body's adult.

It was always adult.

Trust me. This is a solid piece of work.

It's k*ller, isn't it?

We done good.

This could be our breakthrough product.

Announcer: the canal of denial.

Really turn things around.

Sony, polygram, even disney.

They'll be waiting in line to swallow us up.

When should we call the new ad agency?

Announcer: the guilt bone.

Uh, the sooner the better.

So, what's new in frankville?

Announcer: the backbone.

Oh, little bit of this, little bit of that.

Actually, I think there's one big headline

That we probably need to get into. Um--

Assistant: I've got marcel.

Put him through.

Marcel: roger.

Hey, marcel. I've got frank here with me.

Bonjour, frank.

Hey.

Marcel, you get a chance to look at the proposal?

Oui.

What's it gonna be? Uh, we'd love to have you on board.

It'd be a good fit for everyone,

But, you know, either way we're going to be

Locking down european distribution,

Really moving ahead this week.

So, uh, the sooner you can let us

Know your position, the better.

I have only glanced at it,

But I already have some questions.

All right, then I'm going to put you in touch with frank

Because frank is our rainmaker, he's our answer man.

Dern digital is one of the foremost leaders in new media.

W

We've already cornered the medical edutainment niche.

We have more to offer than a top-heavy megacompany

Because we're streamlined, we can turn the ship fast.

Our vision is to tackle the convergence of different markets

And create real, identifiable brands.

[Honk honk]

Marcel: I'm going to be coming into town next monday.

Things keep moving around, but maybe I can have dinner on tuesday.

I'm putting it in the book.

You like sushi?

I'm not going to be around.

What?!

I'm going to japan.

Fantastique! That's my very next stop.

You'll be there friday?

Uh, yeah.

Which hotel?

Uh, staying with friends.

Call my office. We'll spend the day together.

Good night, gentlemen.

That was brilliant. Ha ha ha.

You just got us $2.3 million, huh?

Frank, frank, frank, frank!

Of course, we can't really afford to send you to japan,

But just the perception that you're "frankie fast lane,"

Of course he wants in. We'll just find a way to build on the lie.

It's not a lie.

It's fine. You spin it any way you want it.

I'm going, roger. I'm moving to japan.

You're what?

I'm quitting. Effective immediately.

Hit something.

I'm quitting. Effective immediately.

Now what was that, a love tap?

Come on, you little sissy!

I'm quitting, effective immediately.

Nice...real nice.

But I can't work with a quitter.

What's going on in there?

Frank's quitting.

Why?

Sort of a male biological clock thing.

I don't get it.

Well, frank got out of college 13 years ago.

You don't need an m.b.a.

There's a pot of gold just waiting for you, laddie.

And he started building the big resume.

Product development, market representative,

Brand expansion architect.

Everything about frank, it looks good on paper.

Just don't scratch the surface.

I'd like to introduce you to a witty gouda.

And don't ask for specifics.

This is poko the slippery dragon.

They love him in taiwan.

We're betting you'll love him, too.

And above all, don't talk to his parents.

Tell me again.

I write what people say as they die.

For what?

It's called skullthump.

How many people?

Just one, but he gets k*lled about 500 different ways.

Oh.

It's a role-playing game. It's the next big thing.

8 Jobs in 9 years.

And each ended like a sonny bono ski trip.

Of course, everybody else was making the really big bucks.

I'm painting my house and I accidentally mix

A new kind of waterproof solvent, and now I'm rich.

I was shaving. I cut myself,

The blood turned to single malt scotch, and I'm rich.

Laura: so dern digital was really his last best hope.

Are you my new content evangelist?

Absolutely.

Get ready for the new media rocket ride.

[Fanfare music playing]

Uh, anybody got a match?

Hello?

Why would you do this now, right before the roll-out?

Roger, you're in great shape for the roll-out.

Well, I thought I was.

This is a personal choice. It's a--

I taught you, I trusted you.

I've been grooming you, you ungrateful turd.

Grooming you for this desk, god damn it!

You try to work for anybody else

I'll sue your d*ck off!

There is nobody else.

I am teacher.

Oh, yeah, sure, frank. Go teach the children.

Teach them to be quitters.

Teach them to walk away when they're this close.

Roger, we've been this close for 5 years.

[Deflating hissing]

Oh, yeah, you're right.

Oh, I don't know if I'm right.

Well, I mean I'm right about me, what I want to do.

Not necessarily the overview.

I don't know what I'm doing.

I can't get any kind of domestic distribution.

Foreign sales are zilch.

My wife is pissed off at me, I'm spending all her family's money.

Nobody's having any kind of sex at my house.

[Thinking] I gotta get out of here.

I should just get up and leave.

[Gong] zen warrior must not linger at gateway.

Is this the toilet? Are we in the toilet?

Must not linger.

Please. Must learn english.

More ginger?

Rog!

You're not in the toilet.

You are nowhere near. You are halfway up the mountain,

And only a few people can follow you.

The money guys, your in-laws, they can't see the big picture

Because you are still painting the big picture.

That's what you do.

Gets lonely, frank. Being way out in front.

You're gonna be fine. Don't give up the dream.

So I've got you for 2 more weeks, right?

Um, 2 days, actually.

What, you're trying to k*ll me?

Look, I'll pull it all together before I go.

Wow. Let's talk strategy.

Frank: I'll hire and train my new replacement.

I'll finish the marketing plan.

I'll put together a whole new distribution proposal.

I'll delegate final production responsibilities to laura and estelle.

Roger: don't forge

We need a mission statement tailored for the germans

And one tailored for pbs.

Aaaaah!

I'll write it. I'll write it and you flurf it up.

And you need to close marcel.

Marcel's gonna be in tokyo. I'm in kyoto.

Frank, you promised. Just close the deal.

It's our last, best chance.

All right. I'll see what I can do.

My man.

God, I hate when he does that.

I need a cup of joe.

[Door closes]

Excuse me.

Hello. I gotta take a leak here.

Awesome what you're doing, man.

I wish I had the guts.

I can't imagine this place without you.

[Romantic music playing]

If you need help getting your stuff organized...

[Funk music playing]

I got it covered.

Well, we want to take you out for sushi and saké.

Oh, maybe rent some kurosawa films.

Just a big sayonara blowout.

♪ 'Cause we're your family ♪

♪ Your fake family ♪

♪ And we won't let you walk away clean ♪

If frank is leaving for japan in 72 hours

And the average time of a sushi-saké- sayonara frank party

Is 2 1/2 hours, plus 90 minutes of a hangover,

Or 3.47% of the time he has left,

And the average time that he's known his co-workers is 1.5 years,

Or 4.4% of his life to date.

How likely is it that he'll want to spend even more time

With people he doesn't really care about?

Wow, it sounds great. Maybe not tonight, but definitely before I go.

Actually, I've got a lot on my plate.

I mean, jeez, I've barely got enough time

To spend with my friends.

Oh. Sorry, mr. Popular.

Hmmph. Banzai, hotshot.

That was really unnecessary.

In japan, do you off your shoe

Before you put your foot in your mouth?

You know, frank, you can be whatever you want to be.

I want to be a tiger.

I'm easy to work with, I've got a lot of fresh ideas.

Sounds great. Wish I had a company.

Here's to poor old frankie, conjugating verbs in kyoto.

I pulled out of the edutainment business just before it took off.

Now I sell my blood for string cheese.

[Groans]

All: good morning, teacher.

Frank, please explain basic rule of past participle use.

Right. Past participle.

Forget about the rules. You know that zen thing you do?

Getting very in, right there, with the moment?

Now, do that with the verbs. Be the verbs.

Announcer: it's zen-o-phonics,

A shocking breakthrough in language learning.

It's the educational product of the millennium.

Learn a foreign language in 60 tranquil seconds.

Be the grammar. Know the grammar.

After 10 minutes, I was able to read a b*mb squad manual

And defuse a nuclear device at the american embassy.

Announcer: try zen-o-phonics. Invented by frank.

Ha ha! You did it, frankie, me boy!

Only way to find pot of gold is to search for pile of dirt.

Someone's been drinking too much saké.

Drunken leprechaun must never throw stones.

Oh, bite me, yojimbo.

Take it outside.

Message: hey, frank.

The emperor called.