01x04 - Chloe

[bunniefuu]

[Laughter]

[Ding dong]

He thinks he hides it, but watch his eyes.

A relationship to frank is like a carton of milk.

They both come with an expiration date.

[Laughter]

[Ding dong]

He said he liked me. Liked me!

I let him see my underwear and everything.

I waited for him by the monkey bars at recess.

I was a fool.

No, don't blame yourself.

It was his loss.

He's the fool.

[Ding dong]

Will you tell frank I dropped by?

[Ding dong]

Say what you will,

But frank and I have an open, honest relationship.

This japan thing, it's just a phase.

Hey...have a drink.

Come on in, girl.

"It's not you, baby, it's me."

And those hideous green nylon shorts

He wears around the house.

Oh, my god, they are so sad.

[Laughing]

[Door unlocks]

Oh, sorry. I was--

Oh, my god.

♪ He's dapper, he's lovable ♪

♪ He doesn't like his life ♪

♪ He's frank ♪

♪ He's a lot like you ♪

♪ He's frank ♪

♪ Leaving for the orient ♪

♪ Frank ♪

♪ Headin' down the staircase ♪

♪ Frank ♪

♪ Gettin' out of dodge now ♪

♪ Breakin' people's hearts now ♪

♪ Frank ♪

♪ Lovable frank ♪

So, you got 2 1/2 days left.

Right.

To get everything in order.

Affirmative.

Why is this man smiling?

What if I told you

I have found a buyer for the frank-mobile.

I would tell you that calling your car the frank-mobile

Is a side of your personality I'd rather not see.

I've had 3 calls already.

[Cell phone rings]

Some doofus tried to low-ball me. Hello?

Man: hey, I spoke to you before about the car.

Right. It's the car guy.

I gotta tell you, I really like what I see.

He likes what he sees.

This is exactly what I'm looking for.

He's begging me to screw him.

When can we meet?

Uh, hold on. You outta here?

Yeah. Sort of a modern concept, frank, called work.

You want to grab coffee later?

Yeah. What's the plan?

You, me, ed, 8:30.

Count me in. Ok, I'm back.

Man: when can I buy it?

Well, I got to pick up my dry cleaning.

I can meet you in front of the coffee spot in about an hour.

Why don't you give me your number in case I run late?

Why don't you try me on my cell phone?

I can give you my--

Actually, my pager's the best way to get ahold of me.

That number is 555...

...6781. Got it?

I got it.

I'll call you in case I'm running late.

I'm never late.

Woman: on your right, a crumpled c*ck napkin

That held the stuffed mushroom chloe was eating

When frank first saw her at the party.

And we are now traveling directly over the receipt

From the chai latte that chloe ordered

When she and frank went "out to dinner,"

Or what in reality was just coffee.

The story grows every time frank tells it.

Hey!

And here...

The newest addition to the chloe collection...

A recent artifact that was recently excavated

Deep from within the bowels of the sofa

■

I present to you... The swizzle stick.

Man: wow!

[Music playing]

♪ He met her at a downtown party ♪

♪ Tell it, girl ♪

♪ She was all dressed up and acting arty ♪

♪ We noticed ♪

♪ He saw her■across that crowded room ♪

♪ Sad case ♪

♪ Sad case ♪

♪ And in a moment his poor heart went boom ♪

♪ Oh, frank ♪

♪ If you get the girl, you don't want her at all ♪

♪ If she blows you off, you're at her beck and call ♪

♪ Now you know just how your exes have felt ♪

♪ Oh, frank ♪

♪ It's ironic, this bad hand you've been dealt ♪

♪ Why can't you see the love that's right in front of you? ♪

♪ Oh, frank ♪

♪ What kind of schmuck pines for a girl he hardly knew? ♪

♪ Oh, frank ♪

♪ Is it you or your brother won't eat my irish stew? ♪

♪ Oh, frank ♪

[Music ends]

Huh?

Woman: the hapi coat...

Shorter than a kimono,

Long enough to guard your privacy.

Worn by men for casual time, as well as festive occasions.

Oh.

Dear frank, this gift is a "since you're breaking my heart,

At least one of us should be happy" gift.

Love, gwen.

No strings attached.

Don't sweat it.

The rest of this day's a no-brainer.

Sell the car...

Pick up the dry cleaning...

Grab some coffee with ed and laura.

I know I want a hazelnut latte, but I'm kind of hungry.

Me, too.

Split a muffin?

Right on!

Right on schedule. Oh!

Pardon me.

♪ Oh, frank ♪

♪ What kind of schmuck pines for a girl he hardly knew? ♪

♪ Oh, frank! ♪

Chloe?

Frank!

I just knew I was going to bump into you somewhere.

I had a dream 2 nights ago where you were teaching me to fly.

Not like soaring, but gliding a couple of inches off the ground,

So it wasn't dangerous, but--

Sexy?

No. Not exactly.

So, what are you doing?

Well, I'm about to sell my car and move to japan.

For real?

In 3 days.

Oh.

3 Days?! He can't leave now,

Now when we've just found each other again!

I know I should have returned his calls,

But, please, I need a second chance!

Is this chloe's fantasy or franks?

You have to ask?

That is so cool!

My friend zerena was in japan for 3 months

And made $800,000 as a shiseido model.

I was up for that job,

But my heart stopped for 3 full minutes during the bikini wax.

Ha ha ha!

Do you have a hapi coat?

My friend alejandra says they're going to be the next fashion craze.

She's got a whole store full of them.

You've been there!

Come on. I'm buying you a hapi coat.

[Gong]

Stop not for the cherry blossom

When the shadows of the day grow long.

Look, chloe, I really have to sell my car,

But if you want to get a drink tonight,

Maybe I can teach you to float backwards.

I want to buy you a hapi coat.

Let's get hapi.

[Giggles]

♪ Frank has plans today ♪

♪ But they just won't stick ♪

♪ He'd blow off his friends for this chloe chick ♪

♪ It's so sad to see how frank is lovesick ♪

♪ Frank needs to do more than just think with his-- ♪

Hey!

Hey, chloe, it's frank.

It was a great, great night. And morning.

I still haven't gone to sleep yet.

If you get a chance, give me a call.

Hi?

Save me.

Oh, my god, I can't believe it's you!

Quentin, this is my friend...

Frank.

I can't believe this. I've been trying to reach you

Ever since walt got out of intensive care.

I was in prague. Is walt ok?

I'm sorry. I don't mean to be rude,

But could you excuse us for a minute?

Thanks.

Oh, god. [Laughs]

Freedom and fresh air.

I'm pretty sure he had tuna for lunch.

Thank you so much.

Chloe.

I didn't catch your name.

Hi.

Hi, chloe.

So...

Ladies and gentlemen, I call your attention

To the ego-defying act taking place high above the big top!

I give you the amazing frankini!

What brings you to troy's party?

We met in bali. It was so amazing.

Sounds great. I love fiji.

Mmm, fiji's too commercial.

So what was bali like?

Some pollen spore scraped my cornea.

I was blind in one eye for a week.

So you only got to see half the island.

Did you get to wear an eye patch at least?

I still have it.

Arr, matey! Arr!

Ha ha ha!

You feel like getting out of here?

I am so in the mood for a jumbo decaf latte.

I know the perfect place.

I haven't seen you in months.

We really let things slide.

Well, you know, I called you.

I was busy! I went to thailand!

I had the flu! I was teaching yoga!

My cat had kittens!

Hey, that's cool. No big deal.

Just curious.

So...

Are we still on?

I am so starving.

There's a wrap and smoothie place I keep wanting to try.

And it's right next door to the vintage lunchbox store.

God, this is going to be a great day.

Should be a blast.

Hi, chloe. C'est moi, le frank-man.

Hey, call me back, or I'm gonna ask your machine out.

♪ Frank's wasting this day ♪

♪ He's not being cautious ♪

♪ How sad can he get? ♪

♪ It's making us nauseous ♪

♪ He just will not stop ♪

♪ Despite our entreaties ♪

♪ If he gets any sweeter ♪

♪ We'll get diabetes ♪

I guess the worst it ever got for me

Was when I followed her around all day long like a puppy dog,

Completely abandoning the things I needed to do.

I hear you.

Ooh, that's rough.

I stood up my friends...

I dropped the ball on a business transaction...

And I have 8 blue shirts I may never see again.

We've all been there.

Can I get an amen?

I know that sounds pretty pathetic.

What was she wearing?

That hot little blue sundress.

Uh-huh.

Spaghetti straps?

I love that one.

So how come japan?

It's a long story.

Still worried you'll wake up one day

And oh, my god, you're 50?

I love her.

Who is she?

I love her.

God, you have your act so together.

I'm too much of a free spirit.

I don't know if it's that together, believe me.

This whole new media thing sounds so cool and cutting edge.

Day after day, it's so predictable.

I could wake up one morning and my, god, I'm 50.

You know, on wednesdays,

I read to mrs. Gorchek, this elderly blind woman.

Wow. Good for you.

Well, it's part of my community service,

But we'll talk about that another time.

She says she spent 40 years making mistakes,

20 Years regretting them, and now she's finally living her life.

I'm not gonna do that.

Exactly.

I want to enjoy my mistakes.

I'd just like to know when I make mine.

I know exactly what you mean.

You do?

That way you can clean them up right away.

Oh, no. It's more like...

I don't know.

I just wish every day could be like this one.

Maybe they will be.

[Sighs]

Chloe...

You're like no one I've ever met.

Booey!

Booey?

Booey!

[Laughing]

Booey, this is my friend frank.

Hi. Nice to meet you.

Sweet. My grandpa's name is frank.

Booey is a champion snowboarder.

He taught me everything I know.

She was such a grommit.

Total sketch and hook, rollin' down the windows.

You know chloe. [Snort]

Once I got chloe baby to bone out her method,

She could bust some fat air,

Burger flip, stomp a good landing.

She is sicko.

How about you? You ride, man?

Oh, not since I blew out my knee.

Oh, that's beat, yo.

Yeah. Whoa.

How was the jam pipe half-session at the x?

Weak. So much chatter on my stick I bailed.

Cratered into a bank right off.

Oh, no!

It was lame. My team floated me a new sled, though.

That's too bad.

That is bad. Congratulations.

Thanks. I gotta motor. Here.

I'll see you.

Nice to meet you, frank.

Live long and prosper.

Chloe, it's frank.

Just a wet, dark thursday.

Thought we could sh**t the moist breeze.

■■Tis i■s■t■omu■c■ un

You know, if you're around next week,

There's a gallery opening I really think you'd like.

Whoa! Did she just ask us out?

I think she asked us out!

But we're leaving for the orient.

Orient-shmorient. I'm not going anywhere.

Oh, of course you can't come to the opening.

You're leaving.

I've always wanted to climb mount fuji.

The energy on the top is supposed to be amazing.

Did she just say she wants to come with us?

I think she wants to come with us.

Does this mean we are leaving for the orient?

Orient-shmorient. She wants us.

Yes!

Whoa! Oh!

Help!

Frank squared!

I thought that was you up there.

Thank god you were hovering obsessively.

Your pseudo-stalking totally saved my life.

Aaaah!

Mount fuji!

Oh, good, you've stayed.

He only wants what he can't have.

Vienna sausages and tang.

Aaaah!

Drama queen.

Hey.

The shadows grow long. The cherry blossom fades.

Ix-nay on the en-zay. I'm with oe-chlay.

Chloe, hey. It's 2 a.m. Sorry if i--

I guess I still think of you as a night owl.

Well, if you get this, I'll be up for a while.

This was such a great day.

Thanks so much.

You have a fab time in japan now, 'kay?

B.m.w...

That stand for "break my window"?

Hey, send me a postcard with mount fuji, 'kay?

Wait!

Hey!

But you said you liked me! Liked me!

I'll come with you to japan!

Unh!

Wait!

I never got my hapi coat.

You can pick one up in tokyo. They've got tons.

Maybe we can get together for coffee or something tomorrow?

Sure.

Great. So how--

Stop!

Sure. Call me.

Right.

Does she even have your number?

Oh... She has his number.

[Snickering]

[Harmonica playing]

♪ Don't walk out of my room ♪

♪ With your head hangin' low ♪

♪ I don't have much time, girl ♪

♪ I got someplace to go ♪

♪ There are daydreams in my backpack ♪

♪ And rumors down the hall ♪

♪ So just tell me the truth, babe ♪

♪ Don't tell me that you'll call ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm a-goin' east, girl ♪

♪ And the sun is risin' west ♪

♪ I'm headed for the high road ♪

♪ Tomorrow in my vest ♪

♪ The windows are all open ♪

♪ And I'm dancin' on the wall ♪

♪ So just tell me the truth, babe ♪

♪ Don't tell me ♪

♪ That you'll call ♪

[Playing harmonica]

Car guy: hey, man, I'm still waiting at the coffee spot.

[Beep]

Yo, beemer boy, I'm waiting.

[Beep]

Where the hell are you, man?

[Beep]

Listen, a-hole, I waited all day for you!

You and your crappy car can eat me!

[Beep]

Laura: laura, ed, coffee, 8:30.

You, m.i.a. What up?

Gwen: hi, frankie, it's gwen. Are you there?

If you're there, pick up.

Pick up, pick up!

Ok, I guess you're not there.

I know you had a really busy day

And I hope you got all your stuff done,

And I hope that you got my package,

And I hope that you liked it.

If you don't, I have the receipt,

But I really think that's it's great.

Well, if you don't like it, I guess that i--

Hi, boys and girls.

Know what it was like out there today?

Kids: a mess!

Let's take a look at our satellite.

Low pressure activity in this region

Is causing a mass of cluelessness up north

With alternating fronts creating high pressure confusion

That's turning into a raging storm of neuroses

Right about now! [Snickers]

Chloe! It was just great to see you.

Really great. That's all.

Just a "no strings attached" message. Be well.

So grab that umbrella, boys and girls,

He just called her again,

And that means a real downpour's on the way,

And what does that make frank?

A baby!

A baby!

Getting warmer!

A crybaby!

A crybaby!

Waah! Mama!

Wow.

A brand-new day.

A what?!

♪ He's tired, he's worried ♪

♪ He never got the girl, he's frank ♪

♪ He's a lot like us, he's frank ♪

♪ Leaving for the orient ♪

♪ Frank? ♪