01x06 - Mobab

[bunniefuu]

- Mother, have you seen
my blue velvet warm-up suit?

- Isn't it in
your exercise drawer?

- Well, now, how will I know
that unless you go open
the drawer and look?

- Honey, can't you
do that yourself?

- Well, yes, but then what
would be the point of me
asking you to do it?

- I want you to know that I've
spent my whole saturday

Cooking and cleaning
and plunging toilets--

- I want my warm-up suit!

- Hey, are you guys fighting?

- No, dear. Your father's
just behaving like an a*s.

- Well, you should know.
You married one.

- Yes, I did, and I'm
starting to regret it!

- Where are you going?
It's time to feed my stomach!

- Feed it yourself!
[Door slams]

- Well, brak, it looks like
once again I am the winner.

- [Humming]

- How's it going, girls?

- Hey, hey, hey, zorak,
who's that guy with you?

- Allow me to introduce myself.

I am mobab von hoffman.

Perhaps you've heard of me.

- I sure have--
just a second ago,

When you said,
"I am mobab von hoffman."

- Heh heh heh!
You're not very bright, are you?

- Who wants to know?

- Ah, that's what I love
about meeting new people.

They're not as smart as I am.

- Heh heh heh heh!
Ain't he a riot?
I met him at the club.

- Yes, the gentlemen's club.
Gentlemen only, please.

- Can I join?
I'm a gentleman.
Watch this.

[British accent]
allow me to peel
your biscuit, grandmama.

- I'm sorry, but zorak took
the last available membership,

Following the untimely passing
of colonel noseworthy.

- Heh! Yeah.

It took him all night
to die. Heh heh.

- Brak, tell your father
that his puppets had
a little accident.

- They're not puppets,
they're marionettes!

- Not anymore.

- Ahhh!

And who is this vision
of exquisite beauty?

- Funny you should ask.

♪ That's my mom ♪

♪ She goes by the name of mom ♪

♪ "M" is for her razzmatazz ♪

♪ "O" is for the way she talks ♪

♪ The other "m"
is there because ♪

♪ You can't have a mom
without "ms" ♪

Ah!

- What a lovely name--

"Mom."

How it rolls off the beak,

Like sweet spring rain

Kissing the plump,
ripe skin of a nectarine

As it begs to be plucked
and devoured.

- Oh, what a wonderful
compliment.

I'd almost forgotten
what one sounded like.

- Oh, what do you mean?

Just yesterday I say
you were a lucky woman...
To have a man like me.

- You self-centered boob.

You have the brightest star
in all the galaxies,

But you can't see past
your own greasy mustache.

- You know what?
You're right.

Mother, my mustache needs
grooming. Hop to it.

- Ooh!
- Come on.

I don't have all day.

- Oh, dear lady, let me
take you away from all this.

I'll show you the wonders
of the universe.

- Come to think of it,
I could use a little time away

From...some people.

- Well, you're not taking
billy whiskers.

He stays with me.

- Baaa!

- Mom, are you really going away
with this german gentleman?

- Why, yes, dear,
I think I might,

And I'm not sure
when I'll be back.

- Oh, I get it.

- Shall we go, my darling?

The universe beckons.

- Ooh, mobab.
The player has played.

- Dad, she's gone!

When I said I got it,
I was trying to look smart!

But I'm not smart!
I didn't get it at all!

- Brak, stop bawling.

She probably
just outside the door,

Preparing to crawl in
and beg me to take her back.

Ok, she's gone.

[Wailing]

- It's your fault, zorak.

If you hadn't brought
that brutally handsome
gentleman into this house,

I'd still have a mommy!

- And I would still have
a robust woman

To carry my coffee beans
to the roasting facility!

- I feel so abandoned!

Who's gonna take care of us
till mom gets back?

- What? What are you looking at?

- Hmm. I wonder...

- And how are the men
in my life today?

- Fantastic.
I grew 6 inches last night.

- Oh, you!

- I grew 6 inches, too, mom!

- I need new pants.

- Who's for johnnycakes?

- What the hell are you doing?!

- Why, I'm tending to
the needs of my loved ones.

- Come on!
We're gettin' out of here!

- Mama! Don't leave me!

- Good-bye, son.

- Aw, man!

That's the second mom I lost,
and it's not even lunchtime!

- What are you talking about?

- I'll tell you, dad,
in song.

♪ Good old mom ♪

♪ With cookie crumbs
in her hair ♪

♪ I miss her so ♪

♪ Who's gonna acid-wash
my jeans? ♪

♪ Who's gonna pork
my pork and beans?

- ♪ Who will rinse
my mustache clean? ♪

♪ Wherefore art thou, mom? ♪

- I've always said there's
nothing quite as romantic

As strolling the 42nd moon

Of dymexion

During the season of glarnenna.

Don't you agree, darling?

- Yes, it--it's
all been very nice,

But I really think
that I should just--

- ♪ My love ♪

♪ She's a very sexy lady ♪

♪ The kind you can
take home to mommy ♪

♪ Will you marry me? ♪

- Mr. Von hoffman,
I can't marry you.
I'm already married.

- Unhappily, I might add.

- Don't let
appearances fool you.

I love my husband very much.

- Then why did you
leave him to accompany me
on this romantic junket?

- I wanted to make him jealous.

I--i'm sorry about all this.

Now, if you could just take me
home to my family--

- Oh, no. That would be
quite unacceptable, thank you.

I have plans for us.

Ha ha ha ha!

Big, big plans.

Ha ha ha ha...

- Oh, dear.

- Brak, have you finished
straightening up the kitchen?

- Aye, aye, captain diddy.

[Flies buzzing]

- And the, uh, living room--
is it still on fire?

- Yeah, but I think I might
have it contained.

- Well, then, I think we're
getting along just fine
without your mother.

Don't you?
Hey, look at this:

"Handsome monster
stealing women."

- Hey, dad,
that looks like mobab!

- It does, doesn't it?
Oh, look!

The exploding circus is coming
to town, one night only!

I think we should go to that.

- Dad, don't you understand?
Mom's in danger!

We have to save her!

- Ai!

- Hey, give me 10 bucks.

- Zorak!
Mobab has momnapped mom!

We need to know
where he lives, right now!

- Ah, certainly.

I think I could provide you
with that information.

- Thanks, buddy.
I knew I could count on you.

- I would think
a gentleman of my stature

Would require
a fee of, say, $50 to fund
my evening's entertainment.

- Zorak, we're talking
about my mom's life here!

- So we are, so we are.

It's always hard
to put a price on life,

Especially one's mother.

So how about 75 bucks?

- I have $3.00 in change.
Take it or leave it.

- You, sir, have a deal.

Mobab lives
in a cozy little cave,

And I'll tell you
how to get there.
You got to go round...

- Heh heh heh heh!

And so, my darling,
any moment now,

You will emerge
from your cocoon,

Transformed into
my ideal woman!

And you'll be mine,
all mine!

Ha ha ha ha!

- Oh, hello there,
handsome monster!

Would you like to take me
to the picture show?

I'll show you a good time.

- Brak, what are you doing here?

- Brak? Oh, no!

My name is gloria--

G-l-o-r-i-a.

- Brak?
- What?

- What would you have done
if I had succumbed
to your advances?

Are you prepared
for my kind of love?

- Well, I wasn't gonna
let you score or nothin'--

- That's a terrible costume.
Terrible.

I can see the stitching.

- We didn't have much time!
We did the best we could!

- Well, your plan,
such as it was, has failed.

Mom is mine now.
You'll never see her again.

Never! Ha ha ha ha!

Ah.

- Oh, mother,
if only you were here,

I would pepper the cheek
of your choice

With special kisses
of sadness and regret.

- [Sighs]

- For much like the melon

Who doesn't stop
to thank the fertilizer

For making it fat and delicious,

I have neglected you.

- [Muffled grunting]

- What was that?
- I heard nothing.

- [Muffled grunting]

- I didn't hear that, either.

♪ La da dee dee dee... ♪

- Aah! Mobab!

- W-why, mother!
What a surprise.

Heh heh heh!

I thought you were having
your ink changed today.

- You've got a woman
in there!

You know how I feel
about cocooning in my house!

- I'm 35, mother!

I live in your basement!
I'm lonely!

- Well, no wonder you're lonely!
Look at you! Not a hair on you!

- What are you gonna do, mother?
You're not gonna take away
my tiny pies, are you?

- You have seen your last
tiny pie, young man!

- Oh, please don't, mommy.

I'll sing your favorite song.
Ahem.

♪ You know how your sonny bunny
loves his tiny pies ♪

- Aw, shut up!

- Dad, did you hear
what she said?

There's a woman in that cocoon!
You think it's mom?

- Well, she is a woman.

Hey, who do you think
I should talk to

About getting one
of those pies?

- We need to get her
out of there.

- I'm not touching
that thing.

- But, dad--
- my back hurts.

[Rumbling, cracking]

- It's hatching, daddy!

- Uh-oh.

- Mom?

- You know, mother, I meant
everything I said back there.

- [Squawks]

- Hey, dad, how long you think
mom's gonna be like this?

- I don't know,

But I think I'm going to bunk
with you for a while.

- Hey, look,
there's my school.

- Yes, and over there's
the gentlemen's club.

- I rode with colonel noseworthy

In the haberdashery campaign.

[Clearing throat, stammering]

- Screw you!

- [Chuckling]
what a sport!

When I said that I rode
with colonel noseworthy

In the haberdashery campaign,
you told me to screw me!