02x02 - Bully

[bunniefuu]

Well, here we are, zorak--

A couple of working men
using their working man feet
to walk to work.

Less talkin,' more
walkin', donkey boy.

Hey. When did you
get in my supply wagon?

I don't know.
Half-hour ago?

You better not be
sitting on my
art supplies.

Ah, don't worry.
I threw those out.

What? You what?

You don't want me
to be uncomfortable,
do you?

No, I suppose not.

Oh, that's all right.
I can buy more

With all the money
I'm gonna make.

Hey, what are you
gonna do with
your money, zorak?

Hmm...

What am i wearing?
What are you wearing?

[Unintelligible]

Oh, and they're pierced?

[Unintelligible]
all 5 of them?

Oh, sweet mama.

Hurry up, jerk.
I got money to make.
Mush!

All right, step up.
Who's next?

I believe I am, sir.

Then get in.

Wait, wait, wait.

Did you put
your lunch money
in the box?

Yes, sir.
I'm paid up for
the whole week.

Did you sign
the waiver?

Yes. Did you see where
I wrote, "please do not
strike the ears"?

They're still healing.

Yeah, I read it.
Here we go.

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
Ow! Ooh, my ears!

Hyaa!

You promised not
to hit them.

[Laughs]
sucker!

[Laughs]

Ahhh!

[Crash]

Next! Ha ha!

Where's your
lunch money, jerk?

Yes, about that.

My parents stopped
giving me lunch money

When they discovered
I was being victimized
by a bully.

Huh. You get
an allowance?

Why, yes, of course,
but I'm saving that
to buy the new

Binky doodles
action figure.

No, you're not.
Ha ha!

Oh! Ooh! Oh!
Oh! That's improper!

Ah! Not there!
Oh!

That's some money!

Oh! Eee!

That's some money!
That's some money!

Jackpot!

[Coins fall on ground]

Hey, zorak.

Be right with you.

Yaaa!

Ohh!

[Crash]

See you next week.

How's business
today, buddy?

Never better.
How about you?

Not so good.
I haven't had
a customer all day.

I don't get it.

Why do these guys
come here just to
let you beat on them?

Look, they're
gonna get it
no matter what.

This way,
I don't have to
track them down.

They line up,
give me their money,

My fury is
unleashed,

They're on
their way.

Everybody wins.
Except for them. Ha!

But don't you feel bad
about pummeling
these poor schmoes?

Pffft. No,
why should i?

Oh, that's right.
You're a remorseless sinner.

Oh, well, I guess I'll
close down early.

No one wants to be
drawn as a carrot
when they're bleeding.

Yeah, I'll catch up
with you later.

I got a couple more
customers. Next!

Yeah, I guess
that would be me.

Hmm. I must have
rearranged your face

Pretty good
last time.

I don't even
recognize you.

That's 'cause I'm
new in town, chief.

The name's
roy "butchy" tuffington.

The "butchy" is
in quotation marks,

And don't you
forget it!

Ooh, I won't.

That's right,
you won't.

Ok, what's the drill
here, chief?

Well, it's simple,
really.

Your money goes
in the box.

My fist goes
in your face.

Your blood goes
on your shirt.
Ha ha!

Say, you got
a sweet little
operation here.

Centrally located,
low overhead,

Plenty of stiffs
to shake down.

Yeah, I won't mind
taking this racket
over one bit.

I can start immediately.

Now, get lost
or get tossed.

You want to
take over, huh?

Step into my office.
We'll discuss
the terms.

Yaaa! Ooh!

Hyaa!

Yeah, one of these...
Chicago style.

Aaah!

Don't hit me
anymore!

[Gasp]

That's right,
and stay gone.

If I see ugly face
in the street again,

I'll make it
into face soup,
with this!

Oh, my poor zorak.
I shall follow him
and offer comfort.

Not so fast, there,
space cat.

Don't forget to make
your appointment.

Appointment?
For brak?

You don't want to
beat up brak.

Brak is lovable.
Here, I'll show you.

♪ Who is
a dapper gentleman ♪

♪ With eyes of green
and permanent teeth? ♪

♪ Everyone knows
he's not a jerk ♪

♪ Your new buddy brak

♪ He'll make your bed,
shine all your shoes ♪

♪ Play him at chess,
you'll never lose ♪

♪ Brak doesn't know
how to play chess ♪

♪ But he knows how
to play dead, oh ♪

♪ When he plays dead,
the people think ♪

♪ He's really dead,
'cause he's really good ♪

♪ Oh, won't they be
so very surprised ♪

♪ When they find out
that brak is alive! ♪

You're ready for
a tiny blue cyclone
of pain, brother.

Here, friend.
Let me offer you

A complimentary
drawing of yourself
as a carrot.

Oof! Doh.

Hey, mother,
what do you say

We head on down to
the mall today?

The mall? You've never
been to the mall
in your life.

Well, I just
feel like today
should be the day.

Maybe we could stop by
this lady broadbottoms,
see what's shaking.

Lady broadbottoms?
What are you looking at?

"All women's clothing
half off."

I wouldn't mind
seeing that.

It's a sale, dear.
The clothes are
half-price.

Oh, I see.

I liked it better
my way,

In my world of
sexy fantasy.

Hi, mom. Hi, dad.

Hi, table I slept
on last night.

Oh, honey.
Is zorak still
sleeping in your bed?

Yeah, only he
calls it
his bed now.

Ah, he's a pushy
little pork chop,
that one.

Why is zorak hiding
in your room, brak?

'Cause this
new kid in town,
butchy tuffington,

He beat him up
real bad.

Ha ha ha!
You don't say.

Yeah, butchy said
if he sees zorak
on the street again,

He's going to
kick him

Right where the
biscuits are baked.

Oh...

What biscuits?

Zorak's biscuits.

Zorak: shut up about
my biscuits.

Brak, you need to
get zorak to face up
to this new bully,

Or you're never going to
get your room back.

But what am I gonna
tell him, dad?

My mother always said,
"a kiss and a hug
will defeat any thug."

Which head did
she say that out of,

The one she sits on
or the one growing
out of her neck?

What did you say to me?

I can't remember.

I moved on, darling,
and so should you.

Brak, if you want to
help zorak,

You need to go upstairs,
look him in the eye,
and say,

"Wake up, little penguin.
Penguintopia is open
to the public.

"Are you going to hide
in your little snow cave,

"With your terry cloth robe
on, sniffing fish cakes

"And drinking
coconut-flavor beverages,

"Or are you
going to beat your
alec baldwinesque chest

And swing from a tire
like the king of
the penguins?"

I'm on it, dad.
Like taking down
a tugboat.

My name is brak,
and I'm here to tell you

That your problems
are quite over.

Hey, what happened
to my bed?

Yeah, that's
my funk.

Leave it alone.
It's resting.

Well, where did it
come from?

You really
wanna know?

No, I suppose not.

So tell me
what happened.

You go by
my booth today?

Yeah, I had to
reschedule my beating
for tuesday.

Reschedule?
What's that crap?

There's no
rescheduling.

Oh, no, butchy's
quite flexible.

If you have
a reasonable excuse,
he's very accommodating.

He's ruining
my business.

Oh, I wouldn't say that.

Butchy's running some
specials that really
have people talking.

For instance,
today's butt day.

All he can kick
for $4.99.

Try beating that price.
Ha ha ha!

He's giving it away!

Oh, and did I mention that
if butchy does happen
to break something vital,

He knows all the physicians
in the area?

That's it.
I'm getting my
booth back.

I'm not sure if
anyone wants that.

Everybody says butchy's
about the best bully
we ever had,

Way better than
puffycakes.

Puffycakes?

Yeah, that's you.

Butchy thought it
would be funny
if he renamed you.

[Laughs]

This crap ends
right now!

Stay here
with the funk.

Good luck, puffycakes.

You're next.
[Door slams]

Thank you, butchy.
Bye.

Yeah, come back
next week.

I'll pull the rest
of your hair out.

Hey, look.
It's puffycakes.

I was wondering
when your biscuits
would drop.

I'm going to
crack you open
like a crackling sausage.

Hey, that doesn't
even make sense.

Not to you, maybe.

That's what I'm
saying. Explain it.

Come on.
Let's just fight.

Bing. Bing. Bing.
Boom. Boom. Bing...

Ow. Ahh. Ow...

I've had my
biscuits kicked.
Ha ha ha...oh.

How'd it go, buddy?

He kicked my a*s,
is how it went.

Mom: oh, dear,
your eye looks horrible.

Can I get you
something for it?

Yeah, how about dinner?
Send it up to my room.

Your room? Oh, dog.

Well, it looks like
zorak's going to be

Living here
from now on.

Mother, pack up
our belongings.
We're moving.

We're doing
no such thing.

Hello, thundercleese.
I'm sorry I can't
stop to talk.

I have business.

Uh.

Ha ha ha...

Is that the best
you can do, remulon?

Yes.

Then prepare to
taste my rage.
Yaaa!

Oh, no.

Excuse me.
Is your name butchy?

Yeah. What of it,
sweet cheeks?

I'm not moving
out of my house.

What are you
talking--ow, hey.
You hit me,

You fat hag.

[Gasp]
I will...teach...you...

Some manners,
young...man.

Wah! I'm gonna go tell
my freakin' parents.

Yeah, you do that,

And tell them
if they want to
make a run at me,

I'm raring to go,
'cause I'm a gamer,
pal!

Pardon me for asking,
but does this mean

You're the new bully?

No, clarence.
I'm just brak's mom.

Now, you go home
and tell your folks
I said hello.

Yes, ma'am.

And that's just how
it happened.

I don't know
what came over me.

Holy crapper, mom.
I didn't know you
had it in you.

Of course, I would've
done it myself,

But you know how it is
with my pants.

They have a mind
of their own.

Wait till zorak
hears about this.

What, my pants?

Zorak: where's my supper?

You're not getting
any supper, mister.

What you are getting
is your keister
out of my house

Before I give you
what I gave butchy

Got it?

Zorak: yeah, whatever.

I'm sorry, baby.
Where were we?

[Unintelligible]

Oh, oh, yeah.

Uh, what's that?

[Unintelligible]

Oh, I'm just wearing

This blue vest
and some gloves.

Yeah, they're
kind of tight,

Because of my
bulging muscles.

[Unintelligible]

Oh, you like that word?
Bullllging.

I can say it again.
I can say it all night.

Bullllging. Bullllging.