03x05 - Enter the Hump

[bunniefuu]

How you doing there,
stinky monkey?

[Making monkey sounds]

[Laughs]

- Can you even begin to imagine

How humiliating this is for me?

- How about that?
A talking monkey.

Throw him a banana.
Maybe he'll dance for us.

- Ooh!
- Dance, monkey!

- I'm an ape,
you impudent humanoid.

- I said dance!
- Ooh!

[Growls]

- Let's go, brak.

This particular
attraction bores me.
- Wait.

Would you like to see
something that will excite you?

- They have that kind
of stuff here?

- Oh, yes.

Go into that building
over there.

- It says, "do not enter."

- But it doesn't say that
you should not enter, does it?

- Good point, cornelius.

Why would anyone try to stop me

From enjoying whatever's
in that building?

- Things that will excite you.
- Exactly.

We must go right now, brak.

I have good feelings about
that forbidden building.

This does not excite me.

This is nothing but a pack of
glowing, mutant animal freaks.

- Yuck. It smells like
europe in here.

[Rumbling]

[Roars]

[Splat]

- I think these animals
are sick.

- I'll tell you who's sick.
Me, of lying talking monkeys.

I'm going to sue that punk.
- [Growling]

- Did you hear that, dad?

That camel's trying
to tell us something.

- Yeah, I know what he wants.

A long drag
off a sweet cigarillo,

Blended with the finest of
rich turkish turkweed.

[Inhales]

Ahh.

Here you go.
Have a toke on me,
you stupid beast.

Aah!
[Stammering]

I'm falling!

[Crash]

- Are you all right, dad?

- Oh, yeah.
I'm great.

I think I'm going to
live here now,

'Cause it's so dark
and cold and--

Oh, my god, I'm being
bitten by bats!

Aah! B-b-by glowing bats!

And that's why father-son
outings are bullcrap!

- Aw, man.
- [Sigh]

I knew we should've
gone to the c*ck.

- I didn't know
what to expect with that.

- Roosters, is what.

Brave roosters,
living on the edge,

Facing death
and making us money.

- Did you tell the doctor

That the animals
that bit you were glowing?

- What doctor?
Brak did this.

I ain't going to no doctor.

Bunch of fat-brained
voodoo jive cats,

Clubbing their
golf ba*ls around,

Drunk on alcohol.

Doctors? Heh.
[Spits]

- Honey, if those animals
were radioactive,

You might be seriously ill.

- I'm fine, baby.

[Shivers]

All I need is a little rest.

[Crickets chirping]

- Mother, I think we need
a new mattress.

[Roars]
my hump was very
uncomfortable last night.

- Yeah, it's a pain
when they're humping--

Oh, sweet dr. Wocknobble!

Dad, you got a hump
on your back!

- You should've seen a doctor.

Maybe they could've
stopped this.

- Stopped what?
My transformation?

No way, yoko.
I like the new me.

Did I give you a hard time

When you got all fat
and had that stupid baby?

[Roars]

Ahem. Now, could I have
some water?

I'm friggin' parched over here.

- Fine, I'll get you a glass.

- No, no.
A glass won't do it
for daddy anymore.

I'm going to need the hose.

You see, my hump is
capable of storing


Huh!

- Dad, you can fly!

- Well, not exactly,

But I can hang
upside down indefinitely.

Oh, and I can see things
in the dark,

Especially bugs,
which I now eat.

- Water storage, night vision.

Dad, you've been blessed
with amazing new powers!

- Yeah, so?

- So you can do great things.

I'm talking about change, baby.

Making the world a better place
for everybody.

- What would that involve?

- Well, it'd be
a lot of work, but--

- Do I have to leave the house?

- Yeah, but--
- pasadena.

- But, dad--
- I put my hump on the line
for no strangers,

Especially if I
have to leave the house.

Huh. Uh-uh.
Not interested.

- Say, friends, do you have
a dehumidifier I can borrow?

- Ah, space ghost.
What are you doing here?

- Oh, I live here.
- What?

- Yeah, I've been
living in your basement
for the last 3 weeks.

It's quite moist, thus my need
for dehumidification.

- I want you out of
that basement immediately.

- Hmm. I was afraid
you'd say that.

It was a risk coming up here,

But I took it
because I'm a superhero.

Space ghost is the name.

- Hey, george, did you know
that my dad had superpowers now?

- Yes, I do, my child.

I heard all about it,

Through the air ducts.

You can hear everything
through there.

- I was just telling him
that he should use
his amazing gifts

To help everybody.

- Yeah, whatever.
Space ghost,

How much money do you make?

- Sir, that is a rude question.

But I like it!

Because the answer is, a lot.

A super lot.

- Then why are you
living in our basement?

- Uh, because I'm
very bad with money.

I recently purchased
a remote desert theme park

I named "kingdom of muscles."

My employees are all
steroid-gobbling ex-convicts.

- Wow, that sounds awesome!

- 'Roid rage is not
awesome, young man.

It's terrifying.

That's why I'm hiding
in your basement.

- [Whispering]
they're after me.

- You need to leave.

- Of course I do, milady.

America needs me.

Good day, all,
and peace be with you.

- [Roar]

Uhh. Mother, I'm a little
tight back here.

How about giving
the old hump a squeeze?

- Squeeze it yourself.
I'm going to clean out
the basement.

- Hey, see if he left
any flies down there.
I'm starving.

- You heard space ghost, dad.

There's money to be made
superheroing, for them
that knows how to.

- I do like money.
Never said I didn't.

- Great. Then what's
our first move?

- Huh!
Well, if I'm
going to do this thing,

We need to find someone
to do all the work.

- Like a partner.
- Exactly.

Someone I can control
from this chair.

And they'll have to
understand that

The danger is all theirs,
and the money is all mine.

- Got it.
- I ain't taking
no shots to the chest.

That's for the partner.
- Double got it!

- And no women.
The hump has no time
for sexual adventures.

Only money.

- The hump?
- That's my new name.
You dig it?

- Dig it? No.
I love it!

- Good. Oh, and I'll need
a hump phone

To direct my superslave.

- I will get that phone
for you, hump.

- I am going to be
the richest superhero

Never to leave his own kitchen.

Now, get to work.

[Buzzing]

- Huh! Hello.
You've reached the hump.
State your emergency.

- Yeah, my daughter's having
a birthday party on saturday.

Are you available for rides?

- Madam, my powers
are not suitable for children.

Unless they're rich.
Are they rich?

- Well, no, but--
- [roar]

Call back when they're rich.

Ah, my faithful butler
has returned.

Tell me, galveston,
have you found me
a worthy superpartner?

- [Sigh]
here's the deal, hump.

- In butler speak,
if you don't mind.

- Oh, right.
Ahem.

The fact is, I spoke to

Everyone from hammerhead man
to otto von smashenfacen

To snacksy the kid.

- And?

- Well, they laughed.
A lot.

- A super lot.
Aah!

- [Roaring]

- Huh! You mean to tell me

Not one superguy
wanted to join the hump

In his
financially rewarding battle
against badness and whatnot?

- But I did find one gentleman
who was interested
in joining forces with you.

- Ah. That's what I'm saying.
Bring him on.

- Ok. Come on in, sir.

- I'm coming.

Evil is on the way.

- He's not exactly a good guy.
- Yeah, so?

- Wait for it.
You don't want to miss the evil.

Aha! Evil has arrived
in this kitchen.

Behold the slug.

[Laughs]

- Right on, man.
- Oh, no.

I've forgotten my power orb.

I'll just go back to my grotto.

- No, no. That's ok.
We get the idea.

- But I really feel
more comfortable with it.
I really do.

- Sure you do.
Now, my manservant galveston

Tells me you're interested
in my unique powers.

- Oh, yes.
You see, slugs need water,

Which you have
in abundance, yes?

And your night vision
will guide my nocturnal mayhem.

Mayhem!

[Laughs]
I love it.

- Huh!
- I love it.

- Exactly what kind of mayhem
do you perform?

- In the dark of night,

I creep into my victims' gardens

And feed on the tender leaves
of their beloved plants.

No leaf is safe from my wrath!

[Laughs]

- Huh!
You get the hell
out of my house.

- All right.
You don't have to yell.
I'm going.

- Brak, this loser's
the only dude you could find

Who was interested
in working with me?

- 'Fraid so.
I did my best, humpty.

- I'm leaving a trail
on this floor.

Good luck cleaning it up.
[Laughs]

Aah!
- Ahh. What do you want?

- I understand you're seeking
a crime-fighting partner.

I'd like to offer my services.

- Really?
- Of course not, you idiot.

I'm here to laugh at you.
Look at that hump.

[Laughs]

- Huh!
[Roars]

- [Laughs]

[Crash]

They said you roar
like a camel,

But I didn't believe them.
I didn't believe them.

- [Roar]
- you're k*lling me.

[Laughs]

- How about this for you?
You like that?

Bring that home to your mother
for sunday dinner!

- [Buzzing]
- dad, the hump phone's ringing.

- It's probably just
the birthday lady.

Tell her the little jerks
can ride the hump for 40 bucks,

But the party comes to me.

- Ahem. Galveston here.
To whom is this?

- This is the commissioner.

We need the camel man
desperately.

There's a pack of
thirsty old people,

Trapped upside down in a ceiling
of a dark cave.

The camel man
is their only hope.

- Can you bring them here?

- Of course not.
They're trapped.

- Then buzz off.
- And they're rich.

- [Roar]
I'm on it.

The hump.
He rides!

Huh! Huh! Huh!

Aah!

Huh! Aah!

Yaa!

- [Indistinct shouting]

- And so I refreshed
the old geezers

With my sweet hump nectar

And led them
out of the darkness.

They paid good money
for it, too.

- Wow! That sounds awesome!

- Yeah, and those old geezers

Told me there were
other thirsty geezers

Trapped in the dark
all over the place.

We're going to be rich.

- You the fella
what's saving my old people?

- Why, yes, my toothy
young admirer.

Would you like my autograph?
What's the name?

- Bitin' larry.

- That's an interesting name.

Why do they call you--ow!

- [Roar]
- my hump!

- Looky here, ma.
Merle haggard's fixin' to play
at the civic center.

You go and get us some tickets.
Go on, now.

[Roar]

- I'm going to bite you back
someday, larry.

- Larry?
You call me "hump"

When you talk at me, boy.
[Roar]

[Woman singing indistinctly]