03x06 - Sexy New Brak Show Go

[bunniefuu]

- Hmm. What's this?

The risia profit corporation
has now become
the richest company

On the face of this globe.

Why do I keep reading
about people whose dreams
of instant wealth come true

Who are not me?

I hate this friggin' rag!

- Hello, dear.
We're back.

- I just k*lled
the newspaper.

- Hey, papa,
look at my new cereal.

It's called risia profit
frosted happy morning

Super crunchy
action go! Food time
breakfast go.

It goes cracky cracky
click click!

Ooh! Bang bang
bang bang bang!

Boom boom boom!

[Imitates motorcycle speeding]

Ooh! Clicky clicky
clicky clicky!

Go, clicky, go!

- Risia profit, eh?

I think I remember
reading about them
in my paper...

Back when I gave a damn!

- Look here, family.

The rear of the box
says I can star
in my own tv show.

All I gotta do
is open the box.

Dad, can I open the box

Even though it's not
a recognized meal time?

Can i? Can i?
Huh? Can i?

- Ask your mother.
- Mom, can I open the box?

- Ask your father.
- Dad, can I open the box?

- Ask your father.
- Dad, how about that box?

- Say it like a princess.
- Father, may I open the box?

- No, no, no.
Princess the cat.

- I don't do her.

- Then you don't open the box,

But I love you very much.

- Love don't mean crap, dad,
if I can't open my cereal.

All I want to do
is open the box

And you won't let me
open the box.

- Go ahead
and open it, honey.

- Thanks, mom.
You're a pal.

[Alarm]

- Konnichiwa.

My name is mr. Kiori.

I represent
risia profit corporation.

Congratulations,
young catlike creature,

You are now the star
of your own television program.

- What did you just say?

- In a nutshell,
to conserve precious time,

Congratulations, star, tv.

- Fan-frickin'-tastic.

Can I eat the cereal now?

- Excuse me,
my name is dad,

And I represent this blossoming
teenage cash cow.

What kind of money
are we talking about?

Let's work a deal.

- No, no, tiny doll man.

The deal
has already been worked.

The act of opening the box
constitutes a perpetual

And legally
binding agreement

Between the opener
and risia profit corporation.

Risia profit retains
ownership of the program,

Anything related
to the program
in any way whatsoever,

And all revenue
produced by the program

Throughout the universe
for all eternity.

Litigation will ensue
based on slightest provocation.

- As long as we get something.

Eh, by the way,
I've forgiven my newspaper.

[Sigh]

I can't stay mad at you, baby.

- Young man,
are you familiar
with the phrases

Product placement,
media saturation,

And shameless invasive marketing
and branding tactics

Disguised as
mass entertainment?

- No...

But I swallowed
a house key once

And we had
to camp out in the yard

Till it came out
the other end.

I think you know
what I'm talking about.

A-ha ha ha ha!

- Ha ha.

Put that in your
television show, tough guy.

- Yes,
that's a wonderful idea.

You are both charming
but astoundingly imbecilic.

That is known
as "star quality."

- Cool.

Hey, I have an idea
for my show.

You want to hear it?

- I am pretending
to listen to you.

- Ok, well,
it's all about a family
of streetwise black people

Living together
in dinosaur times.

Who knows how they got
there? Who cares?

All's I can tell you
is that they show
those dinosaurs

How to put it over
on the caveman.

- Sorry, the format
has been preapproved.

The show will be about
you and your family
living happily

As you enjoy our charmingly
ubiquitous products.

Chodroms, dress the set.

Ok, we're ready to go.

Just act naturally
and say and do everything
I order you to say and do.

- I have a question
about the script, please.

- That's not a script, dear.

That's their
mail-order catalog.

- Right, but shouldn't
there be more lines
in here for me?

- Ok, folks, let's have
some shiny fun today,

And remember
to look pleasurable

As you discuss
our wonderful products.

- Hey, everybody!

I swallowed the keys again!

Ha ha ha ha!

- We're not doing that gag.

- I thought you guys
were digging the key bit.

- No, it tested
velly poorly at focus group.

- What?
- Ha ha ha ha.

I was evoking a tired
and offensive stereotype
for my own amusement.

Thanks for indulging me.

Ok, here we go.

Rolling cameras and...
Action!

Again, I say, action!

- What's my line again?

- Hey, everybody!

- Hey, everybody!

- Cut!
- What do you want from me?

I'm not perfect.
I'm a catboy!

- Indeed. That is your appeal.

But I'm thinking
maybe the line needs some work.

Let's try, "hey, risia profit
preferred customers!"

Ok, great.
Here we go.

- But that's one
of my catchphrases.

You know, "hey, everybody!"

"Yeah, buddy!"

"How you doin', buddy?"

My audience is gonna expect
one of those.

- They will like
this new line better.

It is designed to arouse
deep feelings of spending.

- Ok.

Uh, hey,
risia profit customers--

- Preferred customers.
- Preferred customer.

- Hey, son,
why aren't you outside

Playing with a risia profit
lucky fun sport tasty
fortune latex glow ball

With your friends
in a lucrative, young,
active male demographic?

- Fantastic, dad.

- I think this was a bad idea.

- Cut!

- I'll say.
I can't carry all of us.

- I think I know the problem.

It's your eyes.

They're not right
for television.

- But I like my eyes.

- You'll like
the new ones better.

Surgeons!

Excellent.

You now have
the profit-inducing eyes

Of a large cartoon hamster.

- I don't think mine work.

I can't see anything.

- That is not a worry to me
as you have no lines.

Action!

- Who's thirsty for some
risia profit acidic fizzing
sexy good lime drink?

- Cut!
- What?

- Brainstorm!

- We will now hear
a song from dad

And delicious risia profit
acidic fizzing sexy
good lime drink.

- I can't see anything.

- You want us
to just make up the words?

- The words are on
the monitor screen before you.

I also encourage
those in the audience
to join in.

- Do I have
to wear this can?

- Yes, sexy good lime drink.

Now you will karaoke!

- ♪ Risia products

- ♪ Number one

- ♪ Super party

- ♪ Lots of fun

- ♪ You like the girls?

- ♪ They like you, too

♪ Oh, yeah

- ♪ When risia

- ♪ Goes out with you

- ♪ You're sure to be the one
with all the hair on his chest ♪

♪ Oh, yeah

- ♪ I got a soda, man

♪ You like the girls?

- ♪ Risia products give you
all the sexy pleasure best ♪

- ♪ Oh, yeah

♪ I blow soda on me

- Ouch.

Are your peepers
still not working, mama?

- It doesn't matter.

I don't need hamster's eyes

To see that
we're being exploited

For commercial gain.

- Hmm...
One adjustment to make.

- Son, why don't
you tell your mother

How much you like mowing lawns
with the risia profit motorized

Super sexy chop-and-go
blade grassy yard repurposer?

- That's not my mom.
That's a bottle.

- Don't you talk to
your risia profit fresh smell

Fancy duty joy
scrub shower cleanser like that.

- Cut!
- No, you cut.

What have you done
with my mom?

- Forget about old mom.

New mom now contains
scrubbing action particles.

Good for whole house.

[Growls]

- Who's this clown?

- Clown? Oh, no.

This is marumatu,

Terrifying star
of new risia profit
corporation

Mass movie audience
action production,

"Marumatu versus
kagichi swamp tigers--

Risia sponsored
baseball playing team."

- Marumatu!

It's marumatu!

Run--

To your local
risia profit multiplex.

Marumatu!

- Out of the way, numb nuts.

A-ha ha ha ha!

Who was that?

- That was famous
risia profit spokesman

And active musician
cheap trick.

- Oh, yeah?

Well, I want you
to want this.

A-ha ha ha ha!

- Aah!

- Sayonara, sack-smackers.

- Oh, hey, zorak.

You have
a new squirt g*n, too.

Let's have a squirt g*n w*r.

- I got you!
Ha ha ha!

Now squirt me
as I run away.

♪ La la la la,
la la la la ♪

Aah! Aah!

Aah!

- Huh. Kiori, baby,
I can't work like this.

- I understand.

This is a heartbreaking tragedy
of financial proportions,

But we must go on.

Money doesn't sleep
and we have only one more shot.

- Sir, I don't think
I can continue.

I just saw a perfectly
charming movie monster
m*rder*d by my best friend.

I must now take my leave.

- So you see, brak,
risia profit corporation
products make life better

In every way.

What's that, mother?

Oh, yes, risia corporation
has defeated its impotent
western competitors

By exposing

Their inferior technologies
and disgraceful work ethic.

Ha ha ha ha!

Long live risia!

- Cut! And that's a wrap.

- You'll never know
what channel it's on

If you keep
switching channels.

- No, no.
You have to keep moving--

Take these b*stards
by surprise.

[Romantic music playing,
bed springs squeaking]

Eh, this looks intriguing.

- Oh, yeah.

The surgery is a success.

- Ooh, I've seen this.
This is hot.

- Mmm. Baby.

- Oh, doctor!

- Oh, nurse.

- Come on, dad.
Find the show.

[Speaking japanese]

- Risia! Super cool!

...cool. Risia!

- Ha ha ha ha!

- Ha ha ha ha!

[Speaking japanese]

- Dance, robots! Woo!

Dance, dance, dance.
Dance, dance, dance.

[Speaking japanese]

h* h* h* h*!

- That's a good brak show.

- Who wants to trade
for a zorak destroyer card?

- What have you got?

- I've got a super go clarence,

And a scratch 'n sniff sisto
from season one.

- Throw in american voice mom
and you've got a deal.

Let it go, dad.