01x09 - Horror Show

[bunniefuu]

(upbeat acoustic music)

(horse galloping)

(loud guitar riff)

- [Griffen] Testing, One, Two, Three.

Check, check.

(horse whinnies)

(heavy guitar music)

♪ Terror, terror everywhere ♪

♪ It's haunting me, it's in my hair ♪

♪ I can't sleep for fear and dread ♪

♪ Get outta my life, get outta my head ♪

- [Caitlin] Hey.

- Hey!

- You guys are way loud.

- [Both] Thanks!

- We're thinking of starting a band.

- Yeah, that's just what the world needs.

More bad rock.

- No, it's alternative rock.

- Well, whatever. Don't quit your day job.

- I might have one.

(guitar riff)

- A job?

- Yeah, it's got, uh, responsibility,

advancement opportunities.

- So what's the gig?

- Usher at High River Theater.

- No way.

- That's so dorky.

- People want to have a good time

when they go to the movies.

I show them to their seats.

It's like I'm sharing something cool with them.

Two hours of happiness.

- So when do you start?

- Well, I have to go meet the manager today,

but that's just a formality.

- Well, great.

Then you can let me into the movies for free.

- I would never do that.

It's against my principles.

- Well, excuse me.

- Go from the top?

- Yeah.

(heavy guitar music)

- [Caitlin narrating] Principles.

Where am I living?

On the planet of the do-gooder freaks?

Besides, it's not like I don't have any.

It's just that my principles

are different from other people's.

(upbeat rock music)

♪ There's a devil standing on my tail ♪

♪ But I don't have to beat him ♪

♪ And there's an angel that is tempting me to fail ♪

♪ But I don't really need him ♪

♪ And the waves just keep rolling along ♪

♪ We can drift if the current prevails ♪

♪ Here we are in this slow boat ♪

♪ Wishing for a sail ♪

♪ Wishing for a sail ♪

♪ A sail, a sail, a sail ♪

♪ Wishing, wishing, wishing ♪

♪ For a sail ♪

(rock music)

- Come along, Lala. Yeah, come on.

Come on, Lala. It's okay. It's okay.

Yeah, it's okay.

Geez. Llama's are usually very sweet-tempered.

- He used to be.

He's had a complete change of personality.

- Whoa. Okay.

(llama grunts)

Has he had much contact with humans?

- He was my son's pet,

but he's gone to college now.

- Hm. Well, I'll run some tests

and I'll let you know if I find anything.

Hey, we're going to get you all fixed up,

aren't we, Lala?

Thank you.

- I'll keep your resume on file.

- Thanks.

- So, do you have to wear some geeky uniform?

- I didn't get the job.

He hired someone else.

- You're kidding. How come?

- I don't know. I'm responsible, smart,

I know a whole lot about movies.

The Wrath of the Lizard Man.

A horror classic made in 1958.

(eerie music)

This is so cool.

The original was molded to fit the actor's hand.

- You should take it.

- Yeah, right.

- Come on. They owe you.

They're not hiring you.

Besides, it's a victimless crime.

- There's no such thing.

- He didn't see you.

Come on, I've lifted lots of stuff.

Five finger discount. Nobody saw me take 'em.

Nobody missed 'em.

Just like nobody's going to miss

the lizard man's hand.

Come on.

(patrons chatting)

(fast guitar music)

- I can't believe I did that.

- Come on. Let's see it.

- This feels really weird.

- Why?

- I took it. It's not mine.

- Come on. It's not anybody's.

It's just some old Halloween costume.

- Yeah.

You have made the lizard man very angry.

- Griffen!

- Huh?

- Griffen, you dork! Get away from me!

No, no, no. Stop it!

Get away!

(llama growling)

(high violin music)

- Lala!

(upbeat rock music)

Whoa, whoa!

Eight years of veterinary medicine

and I'm chasing a llama wearing a bed sheet.

Yes.

Okay. You are one ornery little beast.

This is supposed to be your nap time,

don't you know?

Everybody else at the clinic is sleeping.

Hey, maybe that's what's wrong with you.

You got insomnia?

(microwave beeping)

- Honey, I know you didn't want to talk

about your job interview before, but

- And I don't want to talk about it now.

- You're giving the llama warm milk?

- Yep. It's a natural sedative.

I used to give it to Griffin

when he was little.

He was afraid to go to sleep

because he thought there was

a big cabbage hiding under his bed.

- Mom!

- Yeah, Mr. Cabbage Head is so scary.

- I happen to have a very rich imagination, okay?

- Right.

(door closes)

- [Jim] Hi.

- There you are.

I kept your dinner warm for you.

Where were you?

- Oh, there was a robbery at the High River Theater.

(plate smashes)

- I'm such a klutz.

(slow bass music)

- What was stolen?

- Oh, a part of a costume.

- Come on.

- It's an original from an old horror movie.

It's really valuable.

- It's unbelievable what some of that stuff goes for.

Hey!

- So, uh, have any suspects?

- Come on, Griff.

You know I can't tell you that.

- That means he's got nothing.

- Maybe not yet, but I will.

Perpetrator always leaves something at the crime scene.

No matter how smart he thinks he is.

- He was looking right at me

when he said the thief always leaves evidence.

He knows it's me.

- Come on. He does not.

(knock on door)

- Griff. Can I talk to you?

- I'm gonna confess.

- You can't.

If you confess, that makes me

an accessory to crime.

With my record, that could be really bad.

- I never thought of that.

- Look, I know what I'm doing, okay?

(knock on door)

- Griff.

- Stupid door. Always sticks.

- So, uh, you were at the theater today?

- I was.

- For your interview.

- Oh.

Oh, yeah.

- Are you okay?

- Uh, he didn't get the job.

- Griff, that's too bad.

- Jim, I think Griffen wants to be alone right now.

- Yeah. Alone.

Alone would be good.

- Okay. But you know, I'm always here for you.

If you want to talk.

- No. Nope. Nothing to say.

(relaxing string music)

- You're so tired. There you go.

Sweet dreams, sweet dreams.

(llama grunts)

I know.

(ominous, suspenseful music)

- No. No, I didn't do it!

I didn't do it. Get away!

(woman screams)

Lizard man!

(Griffen yells)

(llama squeals)

(TV program plays)

Get away.

- Lala! How did you get in here?

Honey, are you okay?

- Yeah, I was just having a nightmare

because that stupid hairball was licking me.

(llama groans)

- He likes you.

That is weird. Come on now.

Come on.

- It's not weird.

Everyone likes you.

- The theater manager doesn't.

- Look, just because he doesn't hire you

doesn't mean he doesn't like you.

Besides, he doesn't see you the way we do.

- Really?

How do you see me?

- You got guts.

- I'm afraid of my own shadow.

- Griff, just admitting you're afraid

shows you're strong.

You face what scares you.

You don't run away from it.

You got a good brain and a big heart.

You say what you mean, and you mean what you say.

- Dad.

I'm not who you think I am.

(melancholy piano music)

- All right, when no one's looking,

I'll give you a signal and you put the hand back.

- And none of this ever happened.

My life becomes normal again.

- [Caitlin] Oh no.

- What?

- They hired a security guard.

There must be more valuables inside.

- We're never going to get the hand back now.

Oh no.

- Hey, guys.

- It's okay.

You're the perfect son. Remember?

- Yeah. Used to be.

- Hey.

- Dad?

- Manager says you were here yesterday,

right after school, when the costume was stolen.

Look, I have to check you out. You know that.

If I don't, people will think I'm protecting you.

- Yeah. Right.

Well, uh, Griffin and I had study hall

last period yesterday.

So, uh, we got out a little early

and we came over here.

We were here an hour before the movie started.

You know who you should really be checking out

is the new usher.

- Griff?

- Yeah.

- I'll do that.

And in the meantime, why don't you both stop by the office?

(sneaking bass music)

- It's game over. He gave us up.

- Caitlin.

Thanks, guys.

(door closes)

- I've never lied to my dad before.

- Come on.

- Okay, once when I was five

and I flushed a peach down the toilet

and flooded the whole upstairs,

but I didn't know any better. Now I do.

- Hey, I was looking for you.

- Oh. Hey, what's up?

- Griff, I got the usher job.

- What? I didn't know you applied.

- I was going to tell you. I wanted to tell you.

I just knew how much you wanted that job.

Doesn't even matter now. I'm gonna get fired.

Someone took something from the theater.

They think I did it.

- Oh, Brett.

- Later, man.

Your dad's waiting for me.

- It's okay. We can fix this.

- How? Caitlin, he's my best friend.

He's gonna get fired because of something I did.

- Yeah, well it's either him or us.

- Us? All you care about is you.

- And the only person you should care about is you.

You heard your dad. If you get busted,

he's not going to protect you.

You'll have a record, and no one will ever

trust or respect you again.

- Just stop, okay?

(brooding guitar music)

- It's every man for himself.

I have to take care of me,

because nobody else will.

This is supposed to be my new start, remember?

Don't look at me like that.

(hawk caws)

♪ Get outta my life, get outta my head ♪

♪ Blind date ♪

- I didn't know you were coming over.

How'd it go?

- I mean that song really rocks. Play it again.

(guitar music)

♪ Haunting my dreams ♪

♪ Blind date ♪

♪ Making me scream ♪

- I took the lizard man's hand.

- What?

- I don't know what came over me, okay?

I just, I had this totally mental moment.

I thought it'd all just go away,

but then they went after you and

- Griffen, you have to tell your dad you stole it.

He'll go easy on you.

- No, he won't. You don't know him.

- Griff, I need new skates.

That's why I need this job.

If I lose it, I don't play hockey this year.

- It's more complicated than you think.

- She's in it with you.

- That figures. You're protecting her.

I've known you since kindergarten.

- Don't make me choose between you and her.

- So I guess we have to do something.

- We?

I think you've done enough.

- I took it. Not her.

We've got to work together. Okay?

- I think I have a way we can fix this,

but there's a slight chance it could get ugly.

Are you in?

(heavy guitar music)

(suspenseful guitar music)

- [Griffen] Come on.

Hurry up.

- Security guard's gone.

- Okay. The guard does his rounds every six minutes.

That's all the time we have to get the glove back.

Come on, what's taking you so long?

I thought you said you've done this before.

- I have.

(suspenseful, sneaking music)

(movie monster roars)

- They're just checking the print.

- Man, we gotta split.

- Would you just chill out?

- We have to do this.

(movie explosions firing)

(metal cans clang)

- [Manager] Who's there?

(fast guitar music)

Who's there?

(movie expl*si*n fires)

- Now what?

- Well, I guess the back door's out because of the manager.

Um, the front door?

- No, that's no good. The security guard's due back.

- That door.

- Hey, that door leads to the roof.

- All right.

I gotta put the lizard man's hand back.

- We'll wait for you, man. See you on the roof.

Wait.

Put that with it.

- Brett Stephens is an innocent man?

- You put "man"?

- It sounds more dramatic.

(tense violin music)

(movie monster roars)

- Aw, man. He's gonna get Griff.

What are we gonna do?

- I gotta create a diversion.

- Are you nuts?

- I gotta help my friend.

Hey!

(upbeat ska music)

- [Guard] Hey!

- Come on.

(movie expl*si*n fires)

- [Guard] Come back here, you little thief!

- Man, I gotta fix this.

- Sheriff Lowe?

- [Jim] Yeah? Go ahead.

- I've got a break-in at the movie theater.

- Oh no.

It's stuck.

- Hey, Caitlin! Are you up there?

You gotta get down from there!

- Brett, take off!

- Just use a tree!

- I can't. It's too far!

- It's not as far as it looks. You can do that.

Come on!

Come on, come on!

Put your foot on the next branch.

It's just below it.

- I can't believe I'm doing this.

- Okay. That's good.

Come on. You can do it.

Yeah, you're doing fine.

- This is so stupid.

- Let's go. You're, like, right there.

All you have to do is jump.

- Oh, gross.

- Caitlin.

- Go.

- [Brett] But Caitlin, you gotta let me help, too.

- Well, there's no use in all of us getting caught.

Take off, Brett.

(sneaking orchestral music)

Griffen!

(officers talking)

(door creaks)

- I didn't think you'd come back.

- Yeah. Well, I'd love to chat,

but the law is here.

- Well, I first saw him over here.

In the lobby, over here.

- Well. The hand's back.

- Without a doubt, without a shadow of a doubt,

this has been the worst experience of my entire life.

- I'll ditto that!

- Hey.

- How you doing?

- But I gotta say, I learned something.

- What? That crime doesn't pay?

- Not to mess with the lizard man?

- No!

That you're pretty complicated.

You think it's okay to steal stuff,

but you came back to get me.

- Well, you're not the only one with principles.

- Yeah, I can see that.

(faint rock music)

- Hey, isn't that our song?

- Looks like Dori finally got the llama to sleep.

- Man, I never took our song as a lullaby.

- I don't know.

I always thought your music was a total yawn.

- Hilarious.

You know, she hates it when you touch her hair.

- Griffin.

- Uh oh.

- Don't touch me.

Guys. Seriously.

That's not funny! No!

- [Caitlin narrating] I did go back for Griffin,

but Brett stayed around for me.

If it weren't for them,

I never would have realized that there's no such thing

as a victimless crime,

or that there are people who are worth

going back for.

- Guys, stop!

♪ You show up at the door ♪

♪ Weird clothes and a total bore ♪

♪ My parents love you, they would ♪

♪ Buy you a soda then you should ♪

♪ Blind date ♪

♪ Get outta my life ♪

♪ Blind date ♪

♪ Find someone nice ♪

♪ Blind date ♪

♪ Far away from here ♪

♪ Blind date ♪

♪ Get rid of my fear ♪

♪ Blind date ♪

♪ Haunting my dreams ♪

♪ Blind date ♪

♪ Making me scream ♪

♪ Blind date ♪

♪ Why'd I say yes ♪

♪ Blind date ♪

♪ Get me outta this mess ♪