01x12 - Testing

[bunniefuu]

(upbeat guitar music)

- So, that'll be the melody,

it'll be really driving with the bass.

Hello.

(dog barks)

How about you?

Could you detect a little Navon in there?

A hint of The Cranberries, maybe?

(dog barks)

- I was listening,

it's not awful.

- Really?

- Yeah, is question seven right?

- No, the circumference equals 2 pi r,

not 2 pi r squared.

All right, let's go over it again.

- No, it's stupid.

- You have to study, this standard skills test

is big time important.

By tomorrow our futures could be sealed.

If our scores are high,

we'll get into good colleges.

If our scores are low,

we'll end up with totally lame jobs

like proofreading a phonebook.

- You mean I'll end up with a lame job.

For your information what I do

when I leave here is none of your business.

(upbeat guitar music)

Two pi r, total geek speak.

Like who cares?

It has nothing to do with anything.

Why do I have to learn this stuff?

Why can't I learn this stuff?

(exuberant music)

♪ There's a devil standing on my tail ♪

♪ But I don't have to beat him ♪

♪ And there's an angel that is tempting me to fail ♪

♪ But I don't really need him ♪

♪ And the waves just keep rolling along ♪

♪ We can drift if the currents prevail ♪

♪ Here we are in this slow boat ♪

♪ Wishing for a sail ♪

♪ Wishing for a sail ♪

♪ Sail, sail, sail, sail, sail ♪

♪ I'm wishing, I'm wishing ♪

♪ I'm wishing for a sail ♪

(somber guitar music)

♪ Celebrate the journey that you travel ♪

♪ Be courageous I'll be waiting for a sign ♪

♪ That it's really you, angel of mine ♪

♪ Fly away as far and as fast as you can ♪

♪ You'll be safe until I get there ♪

- Come on boy, come on.

(horse neighs)

It's just a bridge, come on.

(calm guitar music)

Come on.

(horse neighs)

Come on.

You're afraid to cross it, aren't you?

Where you came from there weren't any bridges, were there?

Just like where I came from,

there weren't any IQ tests.

Whoever invented them anyway.

Everyone's always trying to prove how stupid you are.

(upbeat music)

- Chop, chop people, 1 hour 25 minutes.

You should be on section two by now.

- What are the main exports of Puerto Rico?

So obvious, sugar and Ricky Martin.

- Which train would arrive at High River first?

Come on, man.

Why would I have to know that?

Call the train station,

they have people to do that.

- What is a quarter?

Two dimes and a nickel.

- C-A-I-T-L-I-N.

- Phonebook proofreader.

- Why did you say?

David wants to put a circular hedge

in the middle of his property?

It measures 100 feet by 200 feet.

What is the circumference?

D.

- No.

The conference equals two pi r,

not pi r squared.

- C.

(upbeat rock music)

♪ Just for a guy in the eleventh grade ♪

♪ Duh love, uh-uh ♪

♪ I'm so over you ♪

♪ Duh love, uh-uh ♪

♪ We're really through ♪

♪ Duh love, uh-uh ♪

(frantic drum music)

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, stop.

- What?

- Where does it say drum solo?

- I was improvising.

- Look, if we're going to audition

for the diner's talent night,

we need to nail down two songs.

- Since when do you get to call all the shots?

- Because I wrote these songs.

- I could write something.

- You can't even read music.

- I can too.

- Okay, J flat.

- Nice try, it doesn't exist.

- Eric, come on, man.

These songs are great,

Griff knows what he's doing.

You want to play back up

to Mr. Big honking talent here, fine.

Not me.

I'm gonna audition by myself as a solo act.

- Wait, we can't break up yet,

we don't even have a name.

- I thought of one, The Model Citizens.

- Nah.

- I got one, Bad Hygiene.

- Chromosome.

- Bad.

- Let's do it.

(upbeat music)

- The result of the skill tests are confidential.

They are for your eyes only, okay?

Your eyes only.

Listen, we need to talk about this, okay?

- Another D, tough girl?

I don't believe this.

She got a higher score than all of us.

I demand a recount.

- Do you mind?

- Hey, Griff, what did you get?

- Hey, give it back.

- Griff, you're in the lowest 30 percentile.

- Caitlin's in the top 10.

- Griff, even I did better than you, man.

That's unbelievable,

I thought you were smart.

- Oh, there you are.

You did really well.

- Whatever.

- You have an excellent mind, Caitlyn.

- You gave me a D in grammar.

- Well, and if you started to apply yourself,

you could raise that up to an A in no time.

I'd like to suggest that every morning before class,

you check in with me and we'll go over

the previous night's homework.

- What, you mean like parole?

- No, I mean like a little extra tutoring.

Your intelligence is a gift, Caitlyn.

Do not throw it away.

- He is such a hypocrite.

- I thought you liked him.

- What did you get again, 39%?

I can't remember.

- Oh, I gotta go.

- You turn the corner, Caitlyn,

there's no going back.

- Griffin.

Man.

(upbeat music)

- How long have you been doing this?

- You know, a while.

- You guys just started playing.

- No.

- We've been doing this for...

- Two weeks.

- Six years.

We're really talented.

- Tell you what boys.

Why don't you come back when you're a little older.

- Okay.

- Wait a sec.

Okay. Look around here.

We were the same age as the people who eat here.

- True.

So, what do you play?

- Alternative rock.

- Sound anything like Garth Brooks?

- Well, um, maybe sometimes.

- Yes.

Yes we do, actually.

- That was brute force, man.

- Garth Brooks?

Way to go, Griff.

- Hey, we got the audition, didn't we?

- We? Yeah, right.

- You know, this could be our big break.

- Once people hear our music, we'll be huge.

- Yeah, we could be.

- Yeah, just next time,

think before you open your big mouth.

(Caitlyn knocking on the door)

- Hey.

Look, I know you're in there.

I can smell your feet.

- So, now you're Watson's little pet.

- What happened with the test anyway?

- Obviously, it's flawed.

I mean, look at your score.

- Hey, it's not my fault that you're an...

- I'm a what?

An idiot? A half wit? A simpleton?

- You think you're the only one that brains?

Look, just because I blow off school

doesn't mean I'm stupid.

- Oh, really?

- Why did I even bother?

(exuberant music)

- Who's hungry?

- Fine, I wasn't hungry anyway.

- You know, those skills tests don't mean anything.

- She scored in the top 10 percentile.

- That's fantastic.

- You just said they're meaningless.

- Caitlin, we're really proud of you.

- Thanks.

- They mean nothing, you guys.

Nada, zip, zilch.

- He scored on the bottom 30%.

- That's impossible, he's an A student.

- Griffin.

- You know, sometimes they don't mean that much.

- Yeah, especially when it means

I'm smarter than your son.

- Homer was a poet and a great epic storyteller,

but he wasn't the only giant among bards.

Milton was known as the English Homer.

So, who would be known as the American Homer?

- Griffin.

- Simpson?

(class laughs)

- No.

- Caitlin.

- I don't know.

- You didn't do your homework.

- No.

- Well, you can do it during your detention after school.

- Genius.

- I knew the answer.

I was just covering for you

so you wouldn't look stupid.

I guess I was too late.

- Caitlin, so I wouldn't look stupid.

Yeah, you'd be the judge of that.

- Hey, that's enough you two.

Looks like the detention will be a family affair.

(Wilson coughing)

I need (coughs)

Water.

- So I wouldn't look stupid?

If I needed anybody to cover for me,

and I don't,

it certainly definitely, absolutely,

would not be you.

- Why?

Because then you'd have to admit that we were equals,

that now I'm not your poor little messed up cousin.

- You'll always be messed up.

- You hope I will be.

So that you can feel good about yourself.

Teaching me your little brain games,

well I got news for you.

I know who I am now.

- So what? You're total slacker.

- I am not.

- No matter how much you learn,

you're never going to do anything with it.

You're gonna be getting Ds your whole life.

- Yeah? Well, you write loser music.

And you're the only one who thinks it's any good.

(Exuberant music)

- Hey, it's not 4:30 yet.

(calm guitar music)

- Who's my boy, huh?

You don't care if I'm smart, do you?

Griffin hates me now.

Like I care.

I'm talking to you when you're not listening.

I know what you're after.

Your treat.

Come on,

good boy.

Come and get it.

Good boy, come on.

Just take one little step.

Come on, be brave.

Come on.

(upbeat rock music)

- What?

- It's not how it goes, man?

- Yes it is.

I wrote it, I should know.

- No, you're singing the first verse.

- We already did that verse.

- We did?

- Yeah, come on, focus.

- What is with you, man?

- Nothing, everything's cool.

Let's take it from the top.

(upbeat music)

- This has just taken us by surprise,

nobody expected this.

- From either of them.

Since Griffin got this low mark,

he's actually been acting dumber.

- Really?

And Caitlin's quite a conundrum.

I've never had a student with so much talent

who has been performing so badly.

- You ever taught a student

who's been through what she has?

- No.

And perhaps because she comes from such

an unstable background,

she requires a different approach.

- We have to try to motivate her too,

obviously she has a gift.

- I'm gifted, I'm underprivileged.

Wouldn't it be great if you could save me.

- Caitlin.

- Why don't you just write an article

about me for one of your vet journals?

Because that's how you're treating me.

Like some specimen you can put

under a microscope and analyze.

- Caitlin, that's not fair.

- You don't understand.

This is your whole future.

- Would everybody just stopped talking about my future?

I don't care about my future.

(frantic bagpipe music)

- All right, so the first two verses of "Duh Love uh-uh",

They segue in the mouth.

- Got it.

- Right?

- Next.

- Oh, no.

- You forgot your guitar?

- What? Are you trying to sabotage us now, man?

- No.

- Next.

- We're sunk.

- No, we're not. No, we're not.

- Oh, we're not.

What are we gonna do then, brain ball, huh.

♪ Tossed it away like it didn't matter ♪

♪ She said her love wasn't a charade ♪

♪ It was just for a guy in the eleventh grade ♪

♪ Duh love, uh-uh ♪

♪ You'll hurt me no more ♪

♪ Duh love, uh-uh ♪

♪ Just walk out that door ♪

- I'm really sorry, you guys.

- It's okay,

I never really thought we could do it anyway.

- Well, I did.

I'm gonna make it happen for me.

I'm going to go back in there

and audition by myself as a solo act.

- All right boys.

- See you guys later.

- See you later.

- Good luck, man.

(upbeat drum music)

- I can quit school in two years,

then you and I can take off and see the world.

But there's lots of rivers to cross if we do that

so you have to cross this one now.

Come on.

Come on, you can do it.

Well, we're not leaving here until you do.

♪ Gave her my heart on a silver platter ♪

♪ Tossed it away like it didn't matter ♪

♪ Said her... ♪

What are you doing here?

- What are you doing here?

- I'm trying to teach Bandit how to cross bridges.

- How hard could that be?

- You think you can get him across?

Be my guest.

- Watch this?

Okay, Bandit, here we go.

Come on Bandit.

(horse neighs)

What is your problem?

He's really stubborn.

- Are you so blind?

He's afraid.

- Blind, that's it.

Hey, take off your scarf.

- What for?

- Maybe he won't be afraid of what he can't see.

- Okay.

- Good boy.

- That's a good boy.

Aren't you smart.

You did it.

- All right.

- That was a really great idea.

- Thanks.

What if he wasn't really afraid of the bridge?

- Yeah, he didn't to totally freak out on it.

- What if he was afraid of what was on the other side?

Like someone we know.

- What's your point.

- Remember how Watson said

there's no going back for you now.

- Yeah.

- It's like you have to go forward.

- So it's like I have to cross a bridge,

but I'm too freaked out to do it.

- Yeah.

- Up until two days ago, I was a total slacker.

- And you were pretty good at it.

- And now it's like I'm this brain,

but I'm not really.

- How do you know?

Up until today, Bandit couldn't cross the bridge.

- So it's like who I think I am

isn't really who I could be.

(upbeat music)

- Kids, Mr. Watson just brought this over.

- It's your exam.

- Oh, whatever.

I'm so beyond grades.

What do they really tell you about a person?

It's how you apply your...

89? Yes.

- We asked the school to look at it again.

First time they graded the test,

the correction template was put on wrong.

- So almost all your answers were right,

they were just graded incorrectly.

- I'm back.

- I scored four points higher than you.

(upbeat guitar music)

Objects fall how fast?

- I'm not telling.

- Thirty something.

32 feet per second.

- Squared.

- Squared.

- Here, now you have to help me.

- It's too dorky.

- Come on.

(upbeat guitar music)

(Exuberant music)

- So, learning stuff seriously is scary.

If I'm trying and I fail, I have no excuse.

But living down to people's expectations

hasn't been so hot.

Maybe I'll try and live up to them.

(upbeat music)

♪ Gave her my heart on a silver platter ♪

♪ She tossed it away like it didn't matter ♪

♪ She said her love wasn't a charade ♪

♪ It was just for a guy in the eleventh grade ♪

♪ Duh love, uh-uh ♪

♪ I'm so over you ♪

♪ Duh love, uh-uh ♪

♪ We're really through ♪

♪ Duh love, uh-uh ♪

♪ You'll hurt me no more ♪

♪ Duh love, you left me sore ♪

♪ Duh love, uh-uh ♪

♪ I'm so over you ♪

♪ Duh love, uh-uh ♪

♪ We're really through ♪

♪ Duh love, uh-uh ♪

♪ Not gonna do that dance ♪

♪ Duh love, just give mo one more chance ♪