01x13 - Deputy for a Day

[bunniefuu]

(bright upbeat music)

- I'm sure I did the right thing.

I mean, Jim wouldn't wanna spend a day with me.

The last thing I would wanna do is spend a day with a cop.

♪ It's okay because I don't care ♪

I did the right thing.

Besides, what's so bad about another day at school?

(bright upbeat music)

♪ 'Cause I live right ♪

Wait!

(door banging) Hey!

- [Boy] Booby alert! Booby alert!

- Hey, I didn't think you were gonna make it.

- It was close.

- What is wrong with this picture?

- You are in it.

- What's wrong with the pictures?

And you're the only girl on this bus.

- Got your bag.

Take it. - [Driver] Let go!

Hey, sit down back there!

- What is she doing here?

- Then again,

going for father's take your daughter to work day,

might not have been so bad.

(rock music) (bus engine revving)

♪ And you ain't nothing but a thief ♪

(rock music)

♪ There's a devil standing on my tail ♪

♪ But I don't have to beat him ♪

♪ And there's an angel that is tempting me to fail ♪

♪ But I don't really need him ♪

♪ And the waves just keep rolling along ♪

♪ We can drift if the current prevails ♪

♪ But here we are in this slow boat ♪

♪ Wishing for a sail ♪

♪ Wishing for a sail ♪

♪ A sail, a sail, a sail, a sail ♪

♪ I'm wishing ♪

♪ I'm wishing ♪

♪ I'm wishing for a sail ♪

(dog barks)

(paws pattering) (collar jingling)

- [Sheriff] Hun, have you seen my keys?

- They have to be around here somewhere.

(boots stomping)

- I've looked everywhere.

- Well, they can have just walked away by themselves.

Did you check your pockets?

Hey, is it the 15th today?

- All day.

No sign of them.

- It's father's take your daughters to work day.

- Caitlin didn't say anything.

- Well, I'm sure she just forgot.

- Yeah, she probably did.

- Well, the bus just left.

Hurry, you can run and catch her.

- Really think so?

I mean, maybe she doesn't wanna spend the day with me.

- Of course she does.

Why wouldn't she wanna spend the day with you?

- I just don't wanna force her

into something she doesn't wanna do.

- Come on, it'll give you guys a chance to be together,

just the two of you.

It'll be fun for both of you.

- Gotta find my keys first.

(dog whining)

Found them.

(boots stomping) Come on, Kazu.

(keys jingle) Oh, good boy.

(boots stomping)

(upbeat music)

- What?

- I can't believe you forgot.

I'd do anything to spend the day in dad's office.

- Well, when they have take your butt-head to work day,

I'll be sure to sign you up.

- You don't wanna spend the day with dad, do you?

- I told you, I forgot.

- Riding in the car is great, flicking on the siren,

talking on the radio, it's a total powertrain.

- Look, I know.

I've been in cop cars before. (sirens blaring)

- Yeah, just never in the front seat.

(boys laughing)

- Griffin, check it out.

(sirens blaring)

- You'd think no one's ever seen a cop before.

(sirens blaring)

(door creaks)

- [Driver] Hey sheriff, what's up?

- [Sheriff] Caitlin, you left without me.

- [Griffin] Good morning, Dad.

- Dory was doing laundry,

and found the permission slip in your jeans.

Guess you forgot, huh? - Yep.

- Something wrong?

- Look, enough people in this town think I'm a criminal

without you pulling over the bus and taking me in.

- Sorry, I thought you might get a kick out of it.

I mean, Griffin loves it when--

- I'm not Griffin.

Look, it's okay.

Just forget it.

(car engine rumbling)

(rock music)

(boy burping)

(boys laughing)

- 4.2 seconds, dude.

- Yes! (rock music)

Yeah!

- I can beat it.

- Are you kidding?

You can't beat that.

- Man, this is turning into a regular burp-a-palooza.

- Lets see this. - Time me, Brad.

- Are you Ready?

(rock music)

Go. (boy burping)

- Oh, the sound of take your daughter to work day.

Settle down guys.

And for missing half the class,

there's no point in covering any new material today.

So... yeah.

- Does that mean we can go home?

- [Boy] Yeah. - Sure, why not?

What a great idea. - [All] Alright!

Kidding, kidding.

Come on, sit down.

Actually, what I thought you could do

is a thousand word report,

on the role that stomach gas has played

in 20th century American literature.

- What? Stomach gas...

- What? (indistinct chatter)

- Kidding, times too.

Seriously guys, look since the girls aren't here

we're nixing classes today

and everybody's hanging out in their home room.

But as a bonus,

I booked the gym for you guys all day.

- Are you kidding again?

- Sadly, yes.

(teacher laughing) Gotcha.

- I love take your daughter to work day.

(upbeat music)

- I can't believe the first thing you did was get donuts.

- Well, I don't usually do this,

but I thought you might get a kick out of it.

Is that okay?

Or do you want a muffin?

- It's great.

The one good thing about cops is the donuts.

I mean... - It's okay.

I'll take it as a compliment.

- [Garth] Jim, don't forget its your turn to get the donuts.

- So you don't usually do donuts, huh?

- I told Garth we'd be stopping.

Usually I'm at the office or on patrol.

- Oh, I believe you.

- Jim here, go ahead, Garth.

- [Garth] We got a 614 over at the Anderson Ranch.

- [Caitlin] What, some cows broke a fence?

- [Sheriff] They wandered on the neighboring farm land.

- [Caitlin] That sounds like a real emergency,

think we should call for backup.

- [Sheriff] Funny.

(upbeat music)

- [Sheriff] Caitlin, don't touch that.

(sirens blaring)

- Loose cows, run for your lives.

- Caitlin, I know you're just trying to be funny,

but this isn't a toy.

- You used the lights to stop the bus.

- Well, I wanted the bus to pull over.

- You could have honked.

(car engine rumbling)

(cow moos)

- [Anderson] My cow's didn't break your fence.

- [Al] Put up the fence, or I have your cattle impound.

- [Anderson] But we had a deal.

- [Al] But nothing, you're lying.

- [Anderson] I fixed your lousy fence.

- [Al] Cows still bust through and chow down on my crops.

- My cows didn't break your lousy fence.

- Come on guys.

- He's lying.

Dust for hoof prints.

- Would you please calm down.

- Gee, it's a regular NYPD move.

- Caitlin.

- Jim, if he wants my cattle out,

tell him he's got to fix his fence.

- I do, every week,

and his cows still bust through and chow down on my crops

- Okay, if you two wanna get the law involved,

here's what will happen.

I'll round up whatever cows are on Al's property

and I impound them.

And Al, you could get hit with a court order

telling you to tear down this rickety old fence

and put up a new one.

My advice, split the cost of a new fence.

And Don, take Al out for dinner,

make up for his lost crops.

Shake on it.

I'll help you both round up the cattle.

(cows mooing)

- Dinner better be good.

(cows mooing)

- Wanna give us a hand Caitlin?

- I don't think herding cows is really my thing.

- It's easy.

If they give you any trouble,

just give them a whack on their behind.

- What if the cows get mad?

- They won't, they wouldn't hurt a fly.

- Hurt a fly?

They just wrecked a fence.

I don't think so.

Besides, it's a dumb deal anyway.

Al shouldn't have to keep Anderson's cows off of his land.

Anderson should keep his own cows on his own land.

Tell him to put up a new fence, and get his own stupid cows.

- She's got a point, Jim.

- But we had a deal.

- But nothing.

Put up the fence or I have your cattle impound.

(rock music) - Here we go again.

- Hey, yo! (ba*ls bouncing)

- Nice sh**ting Cole. - Yeah, just warming up.

- Hey, listen up, listen up.

(ball bouncing)

Listen up, all you would-be Shaquille's, hey.

- [Students] Would be?

- Now they say that in B-ball,

there's more than having a great slam dunk.

You need balance, grace, and coordination.

So I've taken it upon myself to bring in a special trainer

for you guys today.

- A trainer?

This is just like the pros.

- I wonder if it's anybody we've heard of.

- Hey, the name Michael, mean anything to you guys?

- Yeah, right.

- Think about it,

since he's retired what else is he gonna do?

- Hey, hey, hey, this isn't English class.

You got to pay attention, okay?

So let's give a warm welcome

to the one and only, Ms. Tretziak.

(all applauding) (horn music)

- Micheal, huh? (laughing)

(all applauding) (horn music)

Whoo!

(all applauding)

- Thank you.

Return at this end.

- I was kind of hoping I could stay and study your approach.

- Mr. Watson, no one studies me.

I am not a work of fiction.

(students cackling)

- [Student] See ya. (ball bounces)

(footsteps pattering)

Shoes off.

Eyes to the front.

You do speak English, correct?

- Yeah, but...

- You were not expecting Ms. Tretziak?

- Not exactly.

- Who were you expecting?

- You know, someone a little--

- [Ms. Tretziak] Tougher?

Aha.

No one is tougher than Ms. Tretziak.

(rock music)

Shoes off,

eyes to the front.

(rock music) Faster.

(rock music)

So, seems we have our work cut out for us.

(rock music)

- [Sheriff] So how was the--

- I thought this was a free country.

- If you wanted to share your opinion with me,

you could have done it in private.

- [Garth] Sheriffs office.

- But my way is so much more fun.

- It took an extra half hour to convince those two,

to fix that fence.

Keeping peace between neighbors is part of my job.

As an officer of the law, you have to follow orders.

You were told to help herd cattle,

your opinion wasn't needed.

I just didn't think it was fair that--

- They did, that's what matters.

You may not have agreed with it,

but sometimes that's part of the job.

It's part of a lot of jobs.

You have to accept it.

- I understand the concept of following orders.

I just choose not to when I don't agree with them.

- Well maybe entering this pile of data into the computer

will help you see the light.

Have fun.

I'll be back in about an hour.

- Donut Sale.

- You better start typing.

I've got a better idea.

You like Gin Rummy?

- Legs on the bar.

(students grunting)

(Nutcracker by Tchaikovsky)

- Definitely not g*y.

- What a waste of time.

I could be home right now watching TV.

- I know, what does ballet have to do with hoops?

In order to play basketball, you need to have a basketball.

This is just stupid.

- It hurts too.

- You, you love to talk, hmm?

- No, not at all.

(chuckles) Okay, truthfully, yes I do love to talk.

- You think you have nothing to learn

from Ms. Tretziak, huh?

- I was just kidding.

- Ms. Tretziak does not kid.

- No kidding - Legs down.

I have a proposition.

I will accept that you do not need my help and believe.

But first, you must prove your skills.

- [Student] Oh, let's go, boy.

You think you can accept that challenge?

- Now show me what you can do.

(Nutcracker by Tchaikovsky)

(chains jingling)

- What's going on here.

- Oh, I think Garth's almost done typing.

- Garth, why are you typing?

- 'Cause he's awful at cards.

- You were playing cards?

- It all happened so fast.

- Leave those alone, please.

They're antiques.

(chains jingling) - Oops.

- We don't have keys for those.

- You want me to try to pick it?

It's legal, if you're a cop.

- I don't wanna damage them.

We'll go to a locksmith.

I don't care how much you complain,

and I don't care how many stunts you pull.

If you wanna be in this office,

then you have to follow orders.

- I told you, I don't follow orders.

- [Sheriff] Then you won't learn anything here.

- I don't wanna learn anything here.

- So what's the point of doing this?

- I don't know.

You pulled me over.

I was on my way to school.

I didn't even wanna come here.

- I thought you just forgot.

- I didn't.

I've done my time at police stations.

I don't need to do anymore.

- Look, I know you've had bad experiences,

but I was hoping this could be different.

Hoping we could even have some fun together.

- Getting ordered around isn't any fun.

Face it Jim,

outside of liking donuts, you and I have nothing in common.

Next time, pull over Griffin.

- Fine, if you don't wanna be here,

I'll take you back to school.

(rock music)

- [Caitlin] You expect me to wear these all day?

- It's not my fault the locksmith is off for lunch.

- It's not mine either.

- Look, you put them on.

You're gonna have to deal with the consequences.

You'll get them taken off after school.

- I can't walk around like this.

- There's nothing I can do about a Caitlin, I'm sorry.

Until 3:30, you're stuck with them.

- No. (chains jingling)

Now you're stuck with them.

- [Garth] Jim, we've got a possible 413 off Asheville road,

approximately two miles south

of where it crosses the highway.

- Brush-fire. - Cool.

- Call the fire department. (indistinct)

We'll deal with the cuffs later.

- I hate take your daughter to work day.

- Come on, bro.

C'mon, you can do this.

- Whenever you're ready, Talker.

No free-throws.

Fast break leg up, begin.

- [Student] Let's go, boy.

(indistinct chatter)

- Nothing but net.

(rock music)

(ball dribbling)

(students cackling)

- Nice going, MVP.

- MVP?

- Most valuable pinhead. (students laughing)

- This is what I will teach you.

(orchestral music)

(ball bouncing)

That is how you do a dunk.

- [Students] Yeah, yeah, boy.

Whoo!

(sirens blaring)

- [Sheriff] It's not a brush fire.

- [Caitlin] Maybe someone's inside.

- I need you to radio Garth and get an ambulance here, ASAP.

Press this to talk.

Stay calm, stay in the truck and you'll be fine.

- I have to stay in the truck.

- You know what I mean.

(footsteps pattering)

- Garth? (dramatic music)

- Can you hear me?

I'm gonna get you out.

- Garth, are you there?

Where are you?

What's wrong with the stupid thing?

- [Garth] Take your thumb off the button

when you're listening.

- Yeah, yeah, I hear you.

Listen, we need an ambulance here, ASAP.

- [Garth] Copy that.

We'll be there as fast as we can, just hold tight.

(dramatic music)

- Tell him to hurry.

(dramatic music)

No, gasoline.

Jim! (dramatic music)

(windscreen shatters)

Jim!

(chains jingling)

Man, there's gotta be something in here I can use.

(dramatic music)

Stupid pen.

- (indistinct) Out, out!

(Nutcracker by Tchaikovsky)

(speaking in foreign language)

- Griffin!

Griffin you're supposed to be a flower unfolding.

Where is your passion?

- Man, be quiet.

You're getting on my nerves.

- Don't get mad at me, okay?

I'm just trying to help you out with your hook shot.

- Focus leads to passion.

keep trying.

(dramatic music)

- Yes!

(windscreen bangs) (dramatic music)

Man, come on.

(cuffs jingling) Yeah.

Jim! (dramatic music)

- I told you to stay in the car!

- Jim, there's a gas leak.

You're gonna have to hurry.

- I know!

Get out of here.

(dramatic music)

- [Caitlin] You can't carry him yourself.

Let me help you.

- Caitlin, get out of here.

(dramatic music)

It's gonna blow!

(car engine blasts)

(Caitlin screams) (all thud)

- Is it over?

- It's over.

- (indistinct) Up!

Higher, stretch your knees!

Yes, that's so. (orchestral music)

Stretch your knees a little more.

Oh, that's better.

(orchestral music)

There is room for improvement.

- Ms Tretziak.

- Griffin, you now have the moves of a dancer,

but more importantly,

you have the soul of a basketball player.

So now, show me that soul.

(ball bouncing)

- Actually, I don't really know if I--

- You wanna see some soul?

I got you soul.

(ball bouncing)

- No, I'll show you some soul.

(ball bouncing) (dramatic orchestral music)

(ball bouncing)

- You have the souls of basketball players.

Next time, we'll teach you the shots of basketball players.

- Next time? - Next time?

(footsteps pattering) (sirens blaring)

- Caitlin, I'm proud of you.

- Well, I didn't really do anything.

Just disobeyed another one of your orders.

- I was getting to that.

You should've stayed in the car.

- Well, what was I supposed to do?

Just sit there?

- Caitlin, what you did

was one of the bravest things I've ever seen,

and I am proud of you,

but you could have been seriously injured.

- But I couldn't just leave you.

- Caitlin, if anything had happened to you...

above everything else, your safety was my main concern.

You shouldn't have disobeyed me.

You should've stayed in the car.

- Okay.

(footsteps pattering)

- It's been a long day.

I'll take you home.

- Are you going home too?

- Well, I got a report to fill out.

I'll stop by the hospital to see how the driver's doing.

It could be a late night.

- Well, actually, I think I left my backpack at your office.

I might as well go in with you,

besides, I think I still have some stats to input.

- Let's get to work.

(upbeat music)

(doors bang)

(keyboard clicking)

- Hey Jim, do you do stuff like this a lot?

- Like what? Herd cows?

There was a bad accident a few years ago.

Luckily it doesn't happen very often.

- Still can't believe how loud it was

when that truck exploded.

- Yeah, my ears are still ringing.

Hey, you never told me how you got out of the handcuffs.

- Well, you know, it was pretty cool.

At first, I freaked out.

I thought maybe because they were old

that I could snap them.

This morning, the last thing I wanted to do

was spend the day in a Sheriff's office,

but tomorrow it'll feel weird not being here.

And then it like flew out of my hands

and fell behind the seat so-

I knew what a difference a day makes,

who knows,

maybe someday I'll even become a law abiding citizen.

Hey, stranger things have happened.

The little metal thing.

(rock music)

♪ Wishing for a sail ♪

♪ Wishing for a sail ♪

♪ A sail, a sail, a sail, a sail ♪

♪ Wishing for a sail ♪

♪ A sail, a sail, a sail, a sail ♪

♪ Well, all right ♪

♪ I'm wishing ♪

♪ I'm wishing ♪

♪ I'm wishing ♪

♪ I'm wishing ♪

♪ I'm wishing for a sail ♪♪