[narrator]
January 1853.
From the journal
of Johann August Miertsching,
interpreter, missionary
aboard HMS Investigator
under Captain Robert McClure.
We've been trapped
in a glassy hell
for three long winters.
Starved and frozen
and near death.
Heaven is still here,
but it cannot breathe.
[scribbles]
We are beset
in a region known only
to heretics
and ancient necromancers.
I fear we have punched a hole
in this world clear through
to Hyperborea, that land beyond
the god of the north winds.
[wind blowing]
Boatswain John Boyle
and the gunner's mate John Kerr
were dispatched
to investigate a strange
anomaly
detected in the aurora.
A vortex emerged
and was pulling the sky inward.
Sensing that the threat
was unearthly,
Kerr kept his head low,
but his companion Boyle
looked back
and threw his eyes at the
abyss.
[growls]
[narrator]
His soul was now rendered
the spoil
-of some eternal cosmic w*r.
-[growls]
[John Kerr screaming]
[narrator]
Dr. Armstrong examined
the body of Kerr
and concluded that a fiery bolt
has blistered the man
to his very marrow.
As for the grievous corpse
of Boyle,
the surgeon made
a miraculous discovery.
The man was yet alive,
though but faintly.
He whispered to me his
diagnosis of an undeath
and that Boyle's condition
be kept secret
lest it cause a madness
amongst the crew.
The men have since been buried
in a secretive ceremony
on the Bay of Gods Mercies
and we have all finally fled
the doomed ship.
[]
[door opens, closes]
[steps reaching]
[pens click]
Good morning, Ms. Cameron.
My name is Mr. Da Silva.
This is my colleague
Ms. Ladouceur.
We are with the firm
representing Hollis Cameron's,
your father's,
corporate interests.
I'm sorry for your loss.
How did your father die,
Ms. Cameron?
[sighs]
At some point, a detective
is going to be asking you
these same questions.
He was sucked up into the sky
and he popped.
-Popped?
-Yes, sir.
He popped.
Like a firecracker.
Did your father seem
in any way different
or peculiar leading up
to this moment?
Before he popped.
I guess so.
I mean, we just thought
he was going through
a midlife identity crisis
type of thing.
Ms. Cameron, your father would
hold shareholder meetings
in nothing more than a bathrobe
and slippers.
He would stand in that podium
and not give a sh*t about
what anyone else thought.
So Hollis Cameron was
not the midlife crisis type.
[Ms. Ladouceur]
How did you see this change
manifest itself, Ms. Cameron?
[Diana]
I don't know.
He got into some alternative
therapies
like cupping.
[Ms. Ladouceur]
Cupping?
[Diana]
Cupping.
[]
[air hissing]
Fontano, I had the most
dreadful dream last night.
Oh?
Yeah, I dreamt
my family was en route
and they'd find me like this.
[Fontano chuckles]
No way around that, sir.
[Hollis]
And the nightmares are true.
It would seem so.
I think about you sometimes,
Fontano.
Oh?
Well, I think about you,
and your-- your healing cups,
and all you do.
You got faith in that kind
of thing, don't you, Fontano?
Faith helps, sir.
Faith helps.
But yet it only helps.
I find that
kind of underwhelming.
Hmm.
Fontano, I've been feeling low
lately.
[Hollis]
The feeling is that mud
is seeping into me,
but not into my body,
it's in my mind.
As the years go by,
the mud piles up in my mind,
my character.
Do you think the healing cups
would pull that mud out,
Fontano,
if I had a little faith?
Some believe they can.
[Hollis] Oh.
What do you think of the world,
Fontano?
[Fontano]
What does the world
think of you?
[Hollis]
Do I wanna know?
[scoffs] There have been some
developments.
Oh, all right.
Summary, please.
Yes, sir.
[sighs]
[Fontano] Here we are.
Polaris Magazine.
Exclusive. Next issue. Cover.
Hollis Cameron.
Colonizer or pirate?
-Can I be both?
-[Fontano] More?
[inhales] Keep going.
"Whiskey magnate Hollis Cameron
has fled the public eye
in preparation for the backlash
from his next
business venture."
I never hide, Fontano.
Someone's leaking sh*t
from our operation.
My rivals, they play hardball.
And they got to one
of our researchers.
-[air hisses]
-Possible.
[Hollis]
Do I sue, Fontano?
Is that my move?
That's probably what they want,
though.
Okay.
I want you to take out
a full-page ad in Polaris,
and we'll just
choke it at the source.
[air hissing]
-[tapping]
-[Hollis] Who the hell is that?
Fontana, get the door!
-Yes, sir.
-Thank you.
Oh, f*ck.
[grunts]
Okay, Ian is first to arrive.
Yeah, Ian went in to talk
with my dad.
I went down to the shore
while I still had some light
to work on my sketches.
I could tell something was
going on with Ian and my dad.
Something like what?
[door opens]
[door slams]
[exhales]
[Mr. Da Silva]
Our job, Ms. Cameron,
is to figure out
what decisions your father was
making leading up to this.
[Ms. Ladouceur]
He wrote nothing down.
What Mr. Da Silva is saying
is that we, his lawyers,
are tasked with protecting
the family's business.
You understand? You are going
to need insulation.
We are that insulation.
-Hi, Ian.
-Hey.
You know Fontano, my cup man.
I cup. I only cup.
-I bet.
-How's Diana?
Do you want the long version
or the short version?
Ugh.
My daughter has a spinal fluid
deficiency.
Have I ever told you that,
Fontano?
Yes, sir.
Episodic PRAN disorder.
Right, exactly right.
Exactly that.
Where is Diana?
Oh, she uh, she just wandered
down the hill to see the water.
She's working
on a new nature doodle.
Nature doodle?
Speaking of which,
here is her latest NFthat you have purchased.
I bought this?
-Yep.
-Yeah?
-I bought this?
-Yes.
So this little nature doodle
racket,
it's really taken off for her,
right?
She's becoming
quite the artiste.
Oh gosh.
She must be so encouraging.
[chuckles]
[cracks]
Ow! Fontano!
I think you sucked out
my life force.
[groans]
[]
When did you first suspect
that Ian and your dad
were in cahoots?
When we first got there.
He was in a huge hurry
to meet with my dad,
which was weird because no one
is ever in a big hurry
to meet with my dad.
After you, please.
[gasps]
Hollis, this is really cool.
I'm glad you like it.
So, what is this?
Your uh, secret stash?
Have a seat.
Please.
You much
of a history buff, Ian?
Uh... I like history.
I'm glad to hear that.
'Cause where you're sitting
right now,
what you're surrounded by...
is something truly monumental.
Whiskey's about age.
Twelve years, 18 years.
How old do you think this
whiskey is?
I mean, I'm sure
it's at least 20--
Don't guess. Just ask me.
-How old?
-170 years!
This whiskey has resided
in these very barrels...
for 170 years.
Really?
-Wow.
-Pick up that box, please.
Now open it up.
Pick it up.
What do you think of that?
Is this for real?
How do you--
Where do you find
170-year old whiskey?
I've made a big decision about
the holdings of Cameron Whiskey.
I've decided that I'm going
to put everything,
everything, into this--
this final project.
Everything?
Yeah, I want
to go out with a bang.
Are-- are you sick?
Is everything okay?
No, I'm-- I'm-- I'm fine.
This is why I brought
the family home,
to launch this special final
reserve.
Investigator Classic.
Tonight I'm gonna present
the astonishing story
of this whiskey.
It's a real honor that you
chose to tell me first. Thanks.
Well, my sons,
I don't trust them.
In fact, they just--
they keep comin' up to me
with these stupid,
f*ck', shitty little plans.
-Okay.
-So what I wanna do...
is I wanna make you...
the head
of this particular venture.
I want you, Ian, in charge
of this final project.
-Really?
-There's gonna be some shock
among the siblings
around the table
when I tell them
that I've selected you,
-uh, to head this up.
-A shock?
What I want you to do, Ian,
is appear unfazed
at the dinner table, okay?
I want your leadership
to be a fait accompli.
And do not tell
anyone about this.
Not a word before dinner.
-What about Diana?
-Oh, least of all her.
[]
So why don't you fill up
that bottle?
Tonight, we toast you.
[chuckles]
[]
[]
[squeaks]
[]
[Mr. Da Silva]
Let's pivot to the guest list.
So the family is summoned
to dinner to be pitched
this new venture your father
and your husband have secretly
worked out.
[Ms. Ladouceur]
But everybody else
shows up armed
with their own pitch, right?
Your father
must have known that.
He'd already baited them
with this new product.
[Diana]
Not me. No.
I just wanted to focus
on my art and clear my head.
[Mr. Da Silva]
So here's Ian, pretty
unremarkable man
on paper, let's be honest.
But on this day,
he got a little secret that'll
change all of that.
'Cause he's thinking that this
might be the most important day
of his whole mediocre life.
[Ms. Ladouceur]
Aldous, his upstart whiskey bar
Craft House, was failing.
[Mr. Da Silva]
He's just a dilettante
nepo baby,
a trust fund brat who shoplifts
at thrift stores.
That's a bit harsh.
I think the next one's
my personal favorite.
Rex the cowboy.
[Mr. Da Silva] He thinks
he can lasso a win for his
failing restaurant chain.
[Diana]
They both have a fondness
for dead ends.
[Ms. Ladouceur] That's cute.
And he's brought Lovie.
She's an influencer.
I've never met an influencer.
Anybody we're forgetting?
Well, Fontano
was already there.
But he wasn't on
anyone's team.
He was just Fontano.
Just Fontano?
Like he was "just" Fontano?
That's not what I meant.
Sounds like everybody arrived
pretty excited.
Lots of anticipation.
If by anticipation you mean
agony, then yeah, sure.
[]
[horn honking]
[keys clinking]
[sighs]
[sighs]
Is your family triggering you,
Rexy? Yeah.
-Why are we even here?
-[phone rings]
Oh.
Do not answer that.
Oh. Mm.
[sighs]
Yeah, it's me. Talk.
Yeah, I still owe one more post
on that energy drink, okay?
No, I do not have
that kinda time.
What I fail to understand,
Jimbo...
No, I told them I was
gonna bank a series for
them when I got back.
[overlapping yelling]
Can you riddle me that?
Find me
my f*ck' hot sauce...
I literally can't even handle
this energy right now.
...washing g*dd*mn dishes...
-I love you. Bye-bye.
-you son-of-a-b*tch meat sack!
This is f*cking useless.
-[fly buzzing]
-Well, I guess we should
go do this.
Yeah. Yeah.
[clicks picture]
Don't tag me in that.
I'm just not in a selfie mood.
It's not for a post.
It's for me.
So this is your father's
secret hideaway.
[honking]
-Here we go.
-This is not a hideaway.
This is a long weekend retreat.
I'm sorry. Oh!
-f*ck off, Aldous.
-[Lovie] Okay.
What's up, cowboy?
How's the ranch?
[horn honks]
[inhales]
-You must be Lovie.
-[gasps] Oh, God!
Don't talk to her.
I can talk to her.
I know her.
-Oh, you do?
-Yeah, I follow you.
Oh, my God, that's so cute.
Yeah, I'm crafthouse69.
You didn't follow me back.
Yeah, no, I don't--
I don't actually follow,
so it's not really a two-way
sort of--
Oh, is it? No, I'm joking.
I don't do social media.
That's weird.
That's also really rude.
-Lovie, this here's
my as*h*le brother.
-Yeah, I gathered that.
He thinks he runs a whiskey
hipster bar for Dad.
What's the name
of that place again there?
-Craft House.
-[laughs]
Perhaps workshop that.
It's a whiskey library
for sophisticates.
It's not in a strip mall next
to a f*cking Blockbuster.
Blockbuster closed.
Like a really long time ago.
I got something for you.
-You smell bullshit?
-Bullshit here.
-Oh, violence! Violence!
-Jesus Christ!
-You f*cking as*h*le.
-Why? Stop!
Jesus Christ, Aldous.
I will f*ck you up.
I'm not f*cking scared
of you anymore.
You can't b--
I'm all grown up now.
Hey, stop!
This is ridiculous.
-Please, don't do this.
-What are you gonna do, huh?
Rip off your cornea
in one foul snap!
-You're not gonna do that.
-[g*nsh*t]
You guys go help your sister
down that hill.
Or one of you clowns
loses an eye.
Hey, Dad.
So let's look
at the disappearance
of your father.
m*rder. It was m*rder.
You're a bit of a drama queen,
aren't you, Mr. Da Silva?
Are you mocking me?
'Cause I heard a tone.
Point is, something
catastrophic happened
to your father.
Somebody at this little
fam jam soiree
m*rder*d the host.
[Ms. Ladouceur]
Your father.
[Diana]
My father.
[Ms. Ladouceur]
So who has a motive?
-I do.
-You do?
He took my controlling interest
in the company
and handed it right to
my husband without telling me.
-[grunts]
-[Ms. Ladouceur] Ian.
No. No, no.
Ian didn't have a motive.
Ian was motivated to kiss
my dad's a*s.
Mm-hmm.
So, Rex, maybe you had a motive
to k*ll your father.
Yeah, big time.
Rex's favorite phrase
to say was,
"I'm gonna k*ll that b*stard!"
[chuckles]
Yeah, but this is Rex,
not Oedipus Rex.
[inhales]
Oh, yeah? I got your motive.
He didn't do it.
How the hell do you know that?
Sorry.
Why is it never me?
What about the butler?
No, Fontana
did not k*ll my dad.
Somebody k*lled Hollis Cameron,
somebody who was there
that night.
No one k*lled my dad.
[Ms. Ladouceur]
Oh, that's right.
He got sucked up into the sky.
Sucked straight up.
Where he died in a poof.
A pop.
Well, howdy.
What, the sun gonna turn you
to dust or somethin'?
When did you go all in
with this cowpoke routine?
Rex is exploring his vast,
gross, uncharted masculinity.
Would you zip it, all right?
We do not need
to encourage her.
Convey me to the house, please.
Come on, giddy up.
You're all right, let's go.
I'm having a spell!
She has an illness.
We are gonna help her up.
She's tired.
Yeah, that sickness
she's always talking about.
Oh, just come out and say it.
Look, all I'm saying
is where goes the mind,
so goes the body.
Just look at this as*h*le
over here with his asthma.
I assure you, my asthma
is 100% real.
Come on, lonesome dove.
Do y'all know what secondary
gain is?
It's when one benefits
from their condition,
which is exactly what
she's doing right now.
So I cannot,
in good conscience,
assist my sister.
Not everyone is accustomed
to the pull of Earth's gravity.
Well then, maybe you
should cut them strings.
[Aldous] What the f*ck
does that even mean, you d*ck?
[Rex]
f*ck you, Aldous!
Is he being clever?
He's never clever.
Come on, let's go.
[]
[]
[]
How we feeling?
Spiritless.
Did you take your pills?
Jesus, Ian, I said I can't
take those right now.
What?
Um, just been some
developments.
With what?
You'll find out. But I think
you'll be proud of me.
-Is that so?
-Mm-hmm, kind of a big deal.
For us?
Big step up for me. For us.
[]
[camera clicks]
-Oh.
-Hello, Lovie.
Hi.
I've never met a real-life
influencer before.
Oh, well, get that all the time,
but we're just like you.
[Ian]
Therefore, the title,
The Displaced Wife,
refers to the unexpressed
desire within the subject.
Desire for what?
Desire as a chronic
condition, Rex.
But it's Diana.
Yes.
Behold.
My committee has crafted a plan
to take Craft House...
global.
Currently losing followers,
but I think it's just
'cause the Wi-Fi is really bad
and, um, I wasn't able
to post a bunch today.
But mostly it's great.
Super fun lately.
Who's it all for, honey?
Oh, it-- well, it's for me.
Take Craft House--
[clears throat]
Take Craft House...
global.
So she wants a divorce.
No! It is a concept, Rex.
A concept in art.
I don't get it.
[]
Behold.
Okay, I'd like to make this
seem more normal if we could.
[Mr. Da Silva chuckles]
We can't.
If we're gonna stick with
the story we need something.
He died in the sky.
How did he get there?
Was it by a slingshot?
A jet pack? What?
"Police know that two murders
occurred during that fateful
Cameron family retreat.
But no one seems
to know what happened to CEO
and patriarch Hollis Cameron.
Not precisely, anyway."
Exactly. No one knows.
He's dead.
What the hell is this?
Behold. When you sever
a leg from a torso,
several things happen.
It's a big limb.
This one's 19 pounds.
19 pounds of arteries and veins,
muscle mass, cartilage,
dozens of interesting bones.
Immediately, the person
goes into shock.
I mean, blood is gushing out.
The heart cannot sustain
any kind of pressure.
And unless a tourniquet was
applied like immediately
to the owner of this leg,
well, he simply bled out.
Certainly, if he received no
medical attention.
This is the leg
of Hollis Cameron.
Hollis Cameron is dead.
It's obvious.
[grunts]
I'm Mr. Denbok, by the way.
[slurps]
Who are you? I've never
even heard of you.
I'm your late father's
crisis manager.
You didn't know that he had one.
You may not even know
what a crisis manager is.
A crisis manager
is a tourniquet.
You look confused.
I'll give you an example.
In 2016, I represented
a certain mayor
from a large Canadian city
who had been found
in a hotel room wearing nothing
but a full oversized diaper.
And I mean, it was full.
[chuckles]
And I kid you not,
there was a blind nun
in the room who had been made
to believe that she was
administering last rites.
Now, I don't know what any
of this means, right?
So I pressure the guy
and eventually he cracks.
And big surprise, diapers
and nuns really turn his crank.
Facts.
You see, I needed those facts.
Armed with the truth, I was able
to repurpose those facts using
simple internet searches.
Diapering, I learned,
is the obscure practice
of refeeding the body nutrients
through what's called
"back voiding."
And so I basically dared
the public
to shame a good man
for using alternative medicine.
And everyone shuts up.
Also, back voiding was
the thing for about a minute.
The point is that on Sunday
he was covered in doo-doo,
and on Tuesday,
he was squeaky clean.
So that's what I'm gonna need.
In order to do my job,
Ms. Cameron,
I'm goin' to need that from you
and your siblings.
The unvarnished truth.
Despite what you might be
thinking right now,
I had great respect for the man
who owned this limb.
Many people did.
He was an admired man.
Do you know who's not admired?
[]
You. No one respects you
or your siblings.
You're a whole category.
That, for me, is fact one.
That's the raw material
for my back void.
All right, guys.
What do you say we rip off
this Band-Aid real quick? Hmm?
I have hired two
of my very finest lawyers
to clear a legal path for me
to make a major unilateral move
with the entirety
of the family trust.
-You did what?
-Oh, Dad.
Are you kidding me? Is this
why you brought us here?
Did you know about this?
What about my
Craft House proposal?
Aldous,
take that f*cking hat off.
-What the f*ck is this?
-I emailed you the offering
memorandum.
-New York, Paris, Sydney. Dad!
-What did you do with it? What?
-Please, please, stop.
-Diana, did you know about this?
-Don't look at me.
-I even have a job
for the webcam girl.
-Influencer.
-Webcam girl's fine.
But I mean, I do,
off the top of my head,
have like a couple ideas
of direct--
Ian, could you take over,
please?
-[Diana] Ian?
-For what?
Oh, so you did
know about this?
f*cking Ian?
Oh, oh,
didn't I tell you guys?
Ian here has been appointed
to be my proxy
on the entire endeavor.
Thank you, Ian.
[applause]
Let's give Ian
a hand, everyone.
I didn't know about this.
[Hollis]
Eyes front. Aldous.
-[Aldous] You made the--
-[Hollis] Aldous, eyes front.
Are you f*cking wearing
eyeliner?
No, I'm not wearing f*cking
eyeliner. Listen.
[Ian] Five years ago,
researchers from New Zealand
discovered
the lost whiskey stash
of fabled explorer
Ernest Shackleton
left behind
in his base camp in Antarctica
in 1912.
The Northwest Group,
our direct rivals, bought it up
and released a blend
aged over 100 years
to great popular acclaim.
-Who the f*ck is playing
footsies with me?
-I crave human contact.
Well, I crave adults,
but we can't have everything.
Do you mind... my love?
In 2011, Parks Canada
discovered the location
of the HMS Investigator,
Captain Robert McClure's
lost Arctic ghost ship that was
beset in ice and abandoned
in 1853.
That's the one
where they ate everybody.
Wrong. You're thinking
of the Franklin Expedition.
Oh, well, look who
knows sh*t now.
-She knows things.
-I know stuff, Rex.
[Ian]
No, Diana's right.
In fact, Captain Robert McClure
was being sent to search
for Franklin's lost ships
when he lost the HMS Instigator.
That's HMS Investigator.
The Investigator was found
preserved in pristine condition
under only four meters of water
in Mercy Bay, Banks Island--
Hold up.
I thought that we were
in the Antarctic.
Two months ago, we invested
in a team of marine scientists
to search for 30 lost barrels
of premium whiskey
said to be stashed
in the vessel's sunken hold.
I'd make a good pirate.
The barrels were found
and are now sitting underneath
this very family complex.
And that's why we're all here!
This will be
my final whiskey release.
It's the end of a very
long career.
Good for you, sir.
Lookit, y'all standing
to make a g*dd*mn fortune,
so that's what you really want,
isn't it?
Right?
Any questions?
Yeah, but aren't we just
stealing these barrels
in the first place?
Like they're not ours.
Who's to say? Hmm?
Whose are they?
It's finders f*cking keepers.
Now, Aldous is right.
He is? No, he's not.
We have made a sizable donation
to the Inuit community
of Sachs Harbor.
So you bought off the locals?
We paid for discovery rights.
Note the difference, right?
Big difference.
That's right, actually.
Colonialism is super in
right now.
And in addition,
we have also invested
in a research expedition
to discover and recover
any lost relics and the bodies
of three dead sailors buried
-at Mercy Bay 170 years ago.
-[pours whiskey]
And a documentary that we will
be co-producing in tandem,
which I will be narrating.
f*ck that.
Rex should narrate.
-Yeah.
-I should.
-Quiet. Quiet!
-Can I sh**t camera?
-[Hollis] Ssh.
-Dad?
Be f*ck' quiet!
[Hollis]
Thank you, Ian.
-[snaps fingers]
-Fontano.
[]
The team is headed up
by renowned
forensic historian
Doc Martin.
And why? Why am I going
to all this trouble?
Because I want you guys
to start thinking
of this as a legitimate
business enterprise.
You know why?
'Cause it f*cking is!
Well, hell.
Sign me up for a sample.
Atta boy.
-Anyone else?
-I'm in.
Excellent! Now we drink.
I actually can't drink
alcohol right now,
which brings me
to a kind of announcement.
Oh, sh*t! I almost forgot.
Now I've got something that
we can really toast to.
[exhales]
-Lovie.
-Mm-hmm.
Would you make me
the proudest man alive
and take my hand
in matrimonial bliss?
[sighs]
[Rex]
Would you marry me?
[Lovie chuckling]
Oh. Um.
[chuckles]
Okay. Okay. Okay.
She said yes!
You heard it. You heard it.
You heard it, she said yes.
No, she didn't.
She didn't say yes.
Can we just please talk
about this later?
-Can we just put a pin in it?
-I'm pregnant!
Oh, good! [laughs]
-I knew the whole time!
-[Lovie chuckling]
-She told me first.
-Pretty sure I was
actually first.
She's the first person
to know,
and then she told me,
so I'm first.
-Is it yours?
-Shut up, Rexley.
This is fantastic news!
Wow!
Guys, this is a great sign!
I told you things were gonna
work out.
And that's a sign.
Family toast.
Family toast,
Fontano, please.
Mm. Thank you.
Down. Down. Yep.
Pour it out.
Yep. Thank you.
To us?
Today there is only us.
-Down the hatch!
-[sighs]
[slurps]
[gulps]
Mmm.
I'm getting wood.
I'm getting a soft,
woody, uh, hit
in the back of my throat,
which is very nice.
Mm.
It could be off-gassing.
[Hollis] That's great.
You guys liked it!
That's a thrill, right there.
[Diana]
The world was upside down.
Everything I loved was sinking
to the bottom,
and everything I despised
was rising to the top.
[Mr. Denbok]
Yeah, but that's just
normal life. You adapt.
Drink a little whiskey,
laugh at yourselves.
I love them. All of them.
And yet three of them
are gonna be dead within hours.
[Diana] Yup.
[Mr. Denbok]
So what happened?
I have no intention
of telling you, Mr. Denbok.
[Mr. Denbok]
Why's that?
You don't think
I'll believe you?
It would be better
for you if you didn't.
[cricket chirping]
[]
[]
-Do I look stupid?
-You don't look stupid.
I don't wanna
look stupid, Ian.
Everybody on the Internet
looks like a f*cking moron.
Why don't you check
for yourself?
Oh, I don't wanna see this.
-It's fine, just have a look.
-Ugh.
The marketing team
worked very hard.
Ugh.
[Hollis]
With over 475 flavor notes
to experience,
every drop
of Cameron Reserve whiskey
is a kaleidoscope of delights.
Keep your bottom up!
Lift your spirits.
[groans]
I mean, I think it's great.
Yeah, it's super.
It's real good.
[groans]
-Do you wanna watch it again?
-No!
Okay.
Well, uh, we got something new
from the research team up north.
Oh, Doc Martin,
what's he say?
Yeah, it's marked urgent.
-Good, what's he say?
-[clicking]
Doc Martin says he's made
an unexpected discovery.
So your dad pulled me aside
and asked me
to influence the brand.
[Rex]
Oh, well, you had better get
a sh*t ton of cash for that.
Yeah.
[Rex sighs]
Can you land somewhere, please?
Your energy, it's like ping,
ping, ping, ping, ping.
Pick a spot.
I am thinking,
if you don't mind.
Okay, well, that's rude.
[sighs]
[Rex] That old f*cking man
is gonna cut me out.
What a f*cking as*h*le.
He hates my guts!
f*ck, I hate him! God!
Okay, Rexy, just breathe.
He's gonna need me, so...
Oh, you think so?
-Yeah.
-[scoffs]
What I need is that whiskey.
You know, Uranus is actually
in retrograde right now.
That's probably why
I'm feeling so weird.
And you're a Gemini,
so you'll be feeling that.
Yeah, I guess that could be it.
[crickets chirping]
I am so excited
about being an uncle.
[chuckles]
Mm-hmm.
What? Did I say
something wrong?
No, you didn't say
anything wrong.
Is there something wrong
with the pregnancy?
No, it's not the pregnancy.
It's just me.
I'm getting weaker.
Is it the illness?
Yeah.
Aldous, they've given me
two to three years.
And that's if everything
with the birth goes okay.
I love you.
And remember,
you are the light.
So I'm gonna ask you
some questions now
and you're going to answer
true or false.
They're not essay questions,
just true or false.
Sound good?
Sounds easy, right?
Oh, I'm going to need you
to answer me.
I need you to say, "Yes,
that sounds good, Mr. Denbok."
Okay. Jeez, good.
Terrific.
Episodic PRAN disorder
is a real illness.
-True.
-Huh? Oh.
I honestly didn't think that
was a real thing. [chuckles]
-It's not a question.
-You're absolutely right.
-Uh, and this is an illness
that you suffer from?
-False.
But I thought you were given
a prognosis of two years
left to live.
-True.
-True?
-And you're pregnant?
-False.
[Mr. Denbok]
But you announced
at this dinner that you were.
True.
So the pregnancy
was terminated.
Do we need to ask these types
of questions?
Maybe that was an essay
question.
-We'll get back to that one.
-Thank you.
Now, if it helps you focus,
Ms. Cameron,
charges are coming
in this case.
And they're coming soon.
They've already charged
Doc Martin.
-Who?
-That's a person?
No one knows who Doc Martin is?
[chuckles]
Well, he's up
on some serious charges.
ill*gal excavation
on treaty lands,
disturbing remains,
grave robbery, also littering.
-Littering?
-Littering is no joke.
So the way I see it,
this business venture
is being helmed by Ian,
the least competent
family member,
and that's saying something.
And it's all based
on an ill*gal Arctic pillage
to sell a whiskey that
everyone believes is crap.
Yes. True.
So it's true
that Hollis Cameron,
a great business mind,
is making a massively stupid
decision?
One that will bankrupt him,
ruin his quasi-pregnant
daughter's marriage
and alienate him from
his children?
True.
So was this suicide?
Scorched earth,
razed it all to the ground?
Did Hollis Cameron
in fact k*ll himself?
-False.
-No, no, no, we like that.
[Mr. Da Silva]
Yes, yes, we do.
Uh, can we stop there
and do lunch?
Go ahead, Doc Martin.
What's the news
from the Hyperborean sea, sir?
We're on the shore
of Mercy Bay, just north
of the 68th latitude.
And just about half a mile out
there is the sunken wreck
of the HMS Investigator.
Yeah, just, uh,
cut to the chase.
Yes, we've completed our exam
of the three graves here
of John Kerr and John Boyle
and also a third,
a straightforward case
of scurvy.
We've managed to conduct
an autopsy on Kerr
and we've made
an extraordinary find.
Oh, yeah? What was that?
John Kerr's body suffered
a kind of immolation.
[Ian]
Like from a fire?
Not exactly, no.
You've got to see this.
It would appear
on evidence that Kerr was
exposed to something
like radioactivity,
or possibly microwaves.
But what if it's like
freezer burn?
[Doc Martin]
Kerr was cooked alive by
a technology unknown
in his time,
and quite possibly our time
as well.
We won't know until we get
the body to the lab,
but we suspect scorching
at the atomic,
even subatomic level.
Jesus!
More intriguing perhaps
than what we have found,
is what we have not found.
The last book from
the mad Moravian monk's journal
is not here.
Oh, Johann August Miertsching.
Don't try to be smart, Ian.
Miertsching survived
and upon returning,
his journals were entered
into the historical record.
That is all but one,
the final volume,
which we believe would shed
some insight as to the fate
of Kerr.
This missing journal,
in Miertsching's own words,
"was buried with
our three lost souls
in the Bay of Gods Mercies
so the dead may read
what the living must not know."
[scoffs] That guy was f*cking
batty, huh?
-He was a deeply religious man.
-We need that journal.
The journal wasn't the only
thing that was missing.
The remains
of the boatswain John Boyle
were removed from his grave.
-Huh.
-That's odd.
I would like to underscore
the fact that I am
standing in the most
desolate corner of the globe.
There are no grave robbers
here.
Well... let's make a note of
that, but honestly, up there,
there's Arctic f*cking coyotes
and bears and sh*t, right?
So anyways, really,
more mystery, please.
Right? Whiskey loves infamy.
[chuckles]
Rexy, this is what you do, okay?
The whiskey is sh*t.
Hollis knows that
and he's just-- he's in
denial, okay?
As soon as that booze gets out,
its value will just sink
like stone.
It's classic.
I've seen it before.
You... are right.
Yeah. I know.
So what do we do?
Simple. Get it through
his thick skull
that it's just the brand
that matters, okay?
Drain the barrels,
fill it with some no-name hooch,
and shove it
in your restaurants.
Sell it by the shot.
That's the golden goose.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
I f*cking love you.
Yeah.
[]
[exhales]
[]
[]
[]
[]
[pouring]
[sniffs]
[snoring]
[snoring continues]
God.
[sighs]
[sniffs]
[]
[sniffs]
[squeaking]
[squeaking]
[spits]
[grunts]
sh*t.
It's not coming out.
Oh, sh*t!
Stop.
No!
[screaming]
No!
-Jesus! f*ck!
-[shushes]
[Rex]
Oh, Jesus. f*ck.
[screaming]
[grunts]
True. That f*cking happened.
-Pretty much true. Yeah.
-Okay, good.
'Cause I wanna make sure that
I'm right in the facts here.
And you're saying
that the fact is this,
Fontano didn't k*ll your father?
-True.
-Dad loved that little guy.
Yeah.
Yeah, he was his cupper.
You have to trust your cupper.
Cupping is very intimate.
Well, you know,
like intimate intimate.
Yes, Rex, I know.
Okay, so maybe Hollis
loves his cupper,
but did his cupper love him?
That I do not know.
So, true and false?
[Lovie] Okay.
Fontano slipped and fell.
[Rex] He wanted a sip
of that whiskey.
-[Mr. Denbok]
Something your father forbade.
-[Rex] That's true.
And while he's in the cellar
getting a sip out of the barrel,
he slips.
-[snaps fingers] Bingo.
-[whistles, mimics a thump]
[pants]
Okay.
You heard that, right?
I didn't hear a f*cking nothing,
but I did have a very important
-dream about that whiskey.
-Okay, Rex--
I hope Dad understands,
but he cannot sell that sh*t.
What is this,
a family meeting?
Are you guys
talking about me?
Why does everybody
around here think
they're so important?
I definitely heard
someone screaming.
Okay, yes, right?
Like a full-on frickin' scream
is what I heard.
Dad, we need
to talk about that whiskey.
That sounded like Fontano.
You cannot sell
that f*cking poison.
It will ruin
the Cameron brand for good.
Look, the way I see it
is we have one way
out of this thing.
What are you banging on about,
you g*dd*mn distracting
f*cking chicken?
Okay, Rex wants to refill
the barrels with cheap whiskey
and sell it in the restaurants.
-Lovie, what are you doing?
-It's fine. Look, we like
keep all the folklore,
but just not the whiskey,
'cause apparently it's sh*t.
-It's crap, she's right.
-Yeah, yeah.
So it's an acquired taste.
g*dd*mn it!
Where is Fontano?
I heard him!
The sound came from
downstairs, so...
We should probably check
the cellar.
Oh, wow!
[]
Okay, that's Fontano.
[Aldous]
And what the f*ck is that?
That's gotta be the missing
corpse.
What?
We have a missing corpse?
Yeah, he's a-- he's a seaman.
-A what now?
-[Ian] A seaman.
We were drinking real seaman?
Well, more of
a sample of the seaman,
but yeah, I suppose.
Jesus, it looks like a f*cking
m*rder scene down here.
-Yeah, well, it's not.
-Oh, it's not? It's not?
I'm pretty sure
this is a crime scene.
It's not a f*cking crime scene!
-It's not a crime scene.
-Well, who is it?
[Ian] This would be the body
of Sailor John Boyle,
preserved for 170 years.
-[Rex] Jesus Christ.
-It's a pickle.
I'm calling the f*cking cops.
-No, no, no.
-On who?
-On this.
-This is not a crime scene!
Did anyone check
if he's napping.
-[Rex] It's a crime scene.
-This is so f*cked up!
-Everything is under cont--
-[door shuts]
[voices muted]
[]
[distorted speech]
I am not losing
my f*cking
El Paso wristwatch
over this sh*t.
[Ian]
Diana, what are you doing?
[distorted speech]
[distorted speech]
She's fine. She's fine.
Just-- just call the cops.
[distorted speech]
What are you doing?
Upstairs!
Please.
I'll take her.
[]
-[door opens]
-[Hollis] Jesus.
[door closes]
Fontano? You dead?
[Aldous gasps]
[Rex] Jeez.
-[Ian] Oh, God.
-His knife.
God damn, this John Boyle guy
stinks to high hell.
You're never gonna get
the smell out of this house.
[Aldous gags]
Get it the f*ck outside.
What about Fontano?
Huh, he smells fine.
[takes deep breaths]
[indistinct whispering]
[]
[exhales]
sh*t.
[takes deep breaths]
[Aldous]
We should be wearing gloves.
f*ck off, Aldous.
All right, on three.
[Diana]
Lovie, you okay?
[inhales, exhales]
What is that?
It's the journal
of Johann Miertsching.
What? [exhales]
I'm not a detective.
I mean, I guess I have some sort
of obligation to report say
a m*rder or a threat, you know,
that kind of thing.
And there's no attorney-client
privilege here.
That's what
I got the beagles for.
They cover us for that.
What I'm trying to say is,
you have zero to fear from me.
I'm not afraid of you,
Mr. Denbok.
Good. Good.
Then I'm gonna be completely
honest with you, Ms. Cameron.
Objection.
I have to advise against that.
So I thought I had this kind
of serviceable idea of events
in my head.
Kinda figured it out on my own.
I still need your truth,
of course, whatever that is.
But I want this to work
for both of us, okay?
So pay attention.
Now's good, Patty.
So the family insults Fontano
up on the roof.
Your father won't let him toast
with the rest of you
and no one sees this
as demeaning.
It's just the Cameron way,
right?
Agree? Disagree?
So I think Fontano
k*lled your father.
And I think Ian,
who had a pretty good motive
for defending the big man,
he interferes.
And Fontano, who's avenging
the servant class
or whatever, he's very
passionate about this,
Fontano winds up k*lling Ian.
That's what happened.
-So who k*lled Fontano?
-Well, we know that.
He slipped in the cellar.
Isn't that right, Diana?
Diana?
[snaps fingers]
Did you wanna
tell me about that?
I'm gonna need a little bit more
than what I'm getting.
Fontano slipped.
Okay, good. I mean,
it's kinda weird, though.
[laughs]
This guy, pretty healthy,
pretty fit guy,
he's just walking along
a smooth concrete floor
and whoops, down he goes.
Actually, that's exactly
what happened.
[Mr. Denbok]
Okay. Maybe.
-No one's down there with him,
right? He's alone?
-He was alone.
But the barrel's broken, right?
Barrel's all busted up.
Yeah. He was angry.
The whiskey was a part of that.
That's good. That--
that fits with my whole
servant's revenge angle.
But see,
now I got this problem.
You're lying to me.
I make up sh*t for a living.
That's my job.
You don't!
See, I watched this
recorded video call
between your husband
and your father and Doc Martin.
And on this call, Doc Martin
reveals a big mystery
they've uncovered at the dig.
All I know is there was whiskey
in the basement
and Ian was gonna
make an infomercial.
Doc Martin reveals
on this call that there are
certain items that should be
at the gravesite
that are missing.
And the doc seemed very
freaked out about this.
A missing journal, for one.
That journal, I assume you
found in one of the barrels?
It's a bizarre read,
full of all kinds of crazy
sh*t, let me tell you.
Or maybe you can tell me.
See, I'm getting
frustrated, Diana,
because I think
that you've read this.
All about some lights
in the sky sh**ting down,
frying people alive.
It's some crazy
w*r of the Worlds type sh*t.
And to be honest,
I don't know what to make of it.
Do you?
Johann August Miertsching.
That's him.
Johann August M--
-How do you pronounce that?
-Miertsching.
Miertsching.
See? You do know.
So you find his missing journal.
That's great.
Did you know a sailor's body
was missing?
The body of boatswain John
Boyle is missing from its grave.
Missing. Like that journal.
So...
No, we just found the journal.
[Mr. Denbok]
For f*ck's sake,
you're lying to me again!
Don't lie to me, Diana!
I have got so many bodies
that I need to account for,
so if you could just help me
account for this one!
Did you find the body
of John Boyle?
We took it outside.
-[Hollis] Let's go.
-[coughs]
[Rex] I got it. Go!
[grunting]
[Aldous] Oh, my God.
[gagging]
[grunting]
[Aldous gagging, coughing]
Rex, why don't you take
the bandages off
that thing's face
and let's get a look at it.
[takes deep breaths]
[]
[creaking]
Ugh.
Good God.
[whimpers]
-[Rex] f*ck!
-Oh, my God.
[]
Two bodies in the cellar
and you decide
to remove only one.
The one that's been dead
for 170 years.
Were you even sure
Fontano was dead?
Nobody called an ambulance?
Just, "Hurry up, let's save
the fossil guy!"
It reeked and my dad
just wanted it out of the house.
-So what'd you do with it?
-It moved.
-You can't say that.
-She can't say that.
Ms. Ladouceur]
It makes you sound crazy.
What do you mean it moved?
It came to life
right in front of us.
After it moved, it lit up
the yard electrically.
-Its essence--
-[Mr. Denbok] Its essence?
Something shot out
of it into the sky.
-The dead guy's essence
shot out into the sky?
-Beyond the sky.
Look, I know you're trying
to make me sound ridiculous.
[Mr. Denbok]
Am I doing that? Am I making
her sound ridiculous?
I don't wanna talk about
this anymore.
-I don't blame you.
-Can we try workshopping
a believable story?
Let's just go with his idea.
A servant kills master plus one,
slips on spilled whiskey,
sounds good.
Great. Can I go now?
So we have some problems.
We have
a living corpse in the yard,
a dead corpse below us,
and your sister, your daughter,
is unconscious and pregnant!
We need to call an ambulance.
-Yes.
-No. Okay, she's fine.
She does this literally
all the time.
Did you really
just f*cking say that?
You do not f*cking know
what this is!
I'm gonna kick
your f*cking a*s!
Stop, stop! Stop!
Just tell me why
I shouldn't call the police
right now, Hollis.
I'll tell you why
you shouldn't call the police.
And you should listen to me
because I am the CEO
of this company.
I'm the patriarch
of this family.
I have a unique perspective
on all this.
And I got the most to lose.
In the basement what we have
is criminal exposure.
Criminal exposure.
And for that, we're gonna
need a story.
-What's the f*cking story?
-What's the f*cking story?
The story is-- the stor--
the story is, uh, Fontano.
I don't even think
Fontano was here.
Right?
I never-- I didn't see him.
I don't think we even saw
Fontano tonight.
There you go.
That's the story.
-Oh, my God!
-Wow!
That's-- that's so f*cked up.
Guys, we still have most
of the whiskey, okay?
-We can still--
-Shut up, Ian!
The whiskey's over, man.
Over.
-Over?
-Yeah, it's over.
I got insurance.
It'll take care
of all that sh*t.
All right. Let's move
on to the next story.
The sh*t show in the backyard.
Let's go.
I think we got off
on the wrong foot.
I apologize for being flippant.
It's sort of my style.
I'm sorry.
Crisis manager is like
one rung below skip tracer
in Dante's Inferno.
Still a bit higher than
cryptocurrency CEO,
so that's a point of pride.
I'm not gonna lie.
Pride's a sin, Mr. Denbok.
See? I'm going to hell
either way.
[]
[pulsating]
-[creaks]
-[all gasp]
Guys, it-- it can see us.
We're behind glass.
Quiet. You don't know that.
[growls]
[]
[Mr. Denbok]
So John Boyle's standing
in the yard?
Not John Boyle.
I wouldn't call it that.
Okay, what would you call it?
[Hollis] What am I
looking at here, Ian?
-It's a mummy.
-A mummy.
No, it's an ice mummy.
More like an ice mummy.
-A laser-blasting ice mummy.
-f*ck's sakes.
It's a laser-blasting ice mummy,
for f*ck's sake!
[growling]
[Aldous]
What's it doing?
Guys, it's looking at me.
[inhales]
[growls]
-[exhales]
-[Hollis] Jesus Christ!
Let's get him inside, Rex.
Dad, is Aldous dead?
[]
Guys, he's gone.
So it goes pew, pew, pew
like it's firing what,
photons out of its face?
Its mouth, actually.
Like a laser beam?
Describe this for me.
-Are you making fun of me?
-I wouldn't know
where to start.
I'm sure this is all very
f*cking amusing to you guys.
No, it's okay.
Let's keep going.
Okay. Okay, sure.
Can we at least have
a lawyer present?
Oh. Oh, no, no.
Yeah, no, that's good.
Okay, cool.
So we're all f*cked!
[sobs]
So this part of the night,
it upset Rex.
He was upset.
How about you?
Look, Diana, if this
is the story that I'm getting,
then let's get it right.
How did you feel?
I thought
that I had lost him.
I thought
that Aldous was gone.
But he wasn't, was he?
That's a very complicated
question, Mr. Denbok.
-[Hollis] Come on, Aldi.
-[Ian] Still breathing. Come on!
-Come on, bud. Please. Hey.
-[Ian] Please, God.
[Hollis]
Hey, Aldous!
[gasps, breaths heavily]
Aldous? What's happening?
[Hollis]
Come on, buddy. Aldi.
[speaks gibberish]
Oh, Lord.
It fried his brains.
[Lovie]
Okay, we need to get
to my car and leave now.
Dad, where's the g*n?
Uh, the g*n's in the study.
On it.
[computerized]
You're okay, Diana?
You're [gibberish].
[whimpers]
Come on, Aldous.
[Hollis]
Move. For God's sake.
[]
Guys!
Guys, it's here.
Get in the car.
Get in the car!
Get in the car!
[Rex]
So what's our story now, Dad?
f*ck the story.
Go. Move. Move.
-[Lovie] Go, go, Rex. Go, Rex.
-Jesus Christ, it's coming!
[Ian] I got it.
[g*n clicks]
The g*n's not working, guys.
Get in the car.
-The g*n's not working!
-Get in!
-[Diana] No, Dad!
-[Hollis] It's okay, sweetheart.
He made his choice. Drive!
-[Lovie] f*ck!
-Turn on the car!
f*ck. Go.
Start the g*dd*mn car.
What the f*ck is that?
Did you take the safety off,
you f*cking--
-[screams]
-[Rex] Dad! Oh, sh*t!
-Come on. Turn it on!
-I can't!
[engine revs]
Yes! Yes! Yes! Drive!
[glass shatters]
[Ian] Oh, sh*t.
[engine sputters]
It's dead.
Wait, where'd it go?
Where'd it go?
[panting]
-[growls]
-[yells, whimpers]
[Rex] Jesus!
Jesus, what-- oh f*ck!
What the f*ck?
-Oh, my God!
-[growls]
[gasps]
What is it doing?
Oh, my God. It's hideous.
[growls]
[Rex] That ice mummy
is batshit crazy.
-Yeah.
-[growls]
That thing
was in a barrel, right?
Yeah.
For 170 f*cking years.
A barrel of whiskey.
[growls]
-It's drunk!
-It's drunk!
Drunk it's.
[Ian]
f*ck this sh*t.
[growls]
Safety is off
this time, bucko.
[laughs]
-Dammit!
-[growls]
We're gonna need a smaller g*n.
Hey, barrel b*tch!
[growls]
What's Dad doing?
Come on!
Yeah, I'm right here!
Come on! Come get me,
you mummy f*ck!
-Come on!
-He's luring it away.
Come here.
Let's do this, buddy.
Come get me.
Hey, guys, this thing's
so f*cking slow!
Jesus Christ, come on!
You can do better than that.
Come get me, man!
I got a shot.
I got a shot on him.
-Don't sh**t him, Ian!
-No, you're gonna hit
f*cking Dad!
[Hollis]
Jesus Christ, you're ugly.
Holy f*ck, man.
[growls]
[mummy growling]
[sighs]
I'm listening, Ms. Cameron.
I'm trying.
Surely you understand
how all this sounds.
Believe me, this is not
the story I wanna tell.
But you are.
If I tell this story
to a detective
or to the press
or it gets out somehow,
then not only am I
gonna be called crazy,
it's going to be super tempting
to think that Rex,
Aldous and I...
--That you k*lled your father.
-That we k*lled everybody, yeah.
But you didn't, did you?
All right, hold up.
Time out, guys.
I think that it's, uh,
big picture time.
It's getting up soon, okay?
That's your big picture.
I'm for serious, all right?
Maybe this thing
is exactly what we need.
Okay, yeah,
this should be great.
-Tell us more.
-[chuckles]
-What's so funny?
-Rex called an emergency
family meeting.
He had a theory?
Rex doesn't have theories.
He figured since this thing
was drunk,
I mean, it was stumbling
all over the place,
throwing up light pulses
all over the yard,
this thing was hammered.
He thought
that it would be
easy to capture it.
[Mr. Denbok]
Capture it? How? Why?
Like with ropes and a bucket,
like Elmer Fudd.
[chuckles] Got it.
He wanted to take this poor,
intoxicated creature
-and like tour
the country with it.
-Sell tickets.
The whiskey was crap,
we weren't gonna sell that.
Dead or alive,
we get this thing
and people will come
from all over
and pay big bucks
to see this freak.
It's not a freak,
it's a living creature.
No, no,
keep going, keep going.
And where's your husband
at this point?
What's he think
about all this?
Ian was starting
to get desperate.
Desperate?
More desperate.
[crickets chirping]
There he is.
[growling]
[Ian]
What's he doing?
I don't know.
You really think this
is gonna be enough?
Metal stops laser beams, Ian.
[scoffs]
[mummy growling]
I'm just gonna wing it.
Yeah.
That poor drunken b*stard
won't remember a thing.
[]
[]
[mouths] Now.
[growls]
-[screams]
-[Rex] Oh, sh*t!
[Ian] Rex!
[whimpering]
"9 January, 1853.
Doctor Armstrong has noted
a cosmic event,
and the aurora has filled
the northern sky."
[mimics beeping]
[computerized]
Let's go to the forest
and touch the caterpillars.
Do not touch them,
they are pickled with poison.
[Diana] "12 January,
boatswain John Boyle
has fallen ill.
The doctor has recommended
amputating parts of his feet."
[Mr. Da Silva]
I think us entering this
statement as factual evidence
as opposed to
diminished capacity motion
is a big mistake.
-[growls]
-[Rex] Oh, sh*t.
sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t,
sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t!
[whimpering]
Oh, sh*t. Oh, sh*t.
[horn honks]
"13 January, 1853."
[computerized]
The ancient peoples looked
through our eyes.
[Diana]
"A devil of discord
seems to have fixed
-his abode among us."
-[laughs]
[Ms. Ladouceur]
We know this version.
It's not credible.
We need to manage the client
and we need our own protection.
Fine, that's what I've been
telling you.
Let's just go with
the cupper did it in the pantry
with the letter opener,
like Mr. Denbok said.
[computerized]
What are they doing?
[Mr. Da Silva]
Great, perfect.
Let's just proceed from there.
Enough of the drunk ice mummies
in the high Arctic.
Hollis Cameron was not
of sound mind.
[Mr. Denbok]
It's not that simple.
[computerized]
Don't do it, Rex.
-[mummy growling]
-Huh?
[Diana]
"14 January. 15 January.
My lot has been cast among
half a hundred devils.
The fury of the captain
was terrible.
16 January.
Positively inhuman."
Is Diana here of sound mind?
Diana is not gonna
tell that story.
"17 January.
A white pulse
that us men of God
recognize as His holy fire."
[growls]
[computerized] No.
-[growling]
-f*cking sh**t it!
The madness consumed
Hollis Cameron
and ended in the death
of three people.
That's where we start.
And that's where we end.
Jesus Christ, Rex!
-No!
-[g*nsh*t]
[growls]
[Mr. Denbok]
Okay, but just humor me
for a sec,
'cause I'd like to start here.
"9 January, 1853,
Dr. Armstrong has noted
a cosmic event in the aurora
has filled the northern sky."
What's Miertsching describing
here, Diana? Any ideas?
[Diana]
"I myself witnessed
the thing come.
An unholy electric gargoyle
fell through a column of light
that bound heaven unto hell
to take up occupancy
in the innocent vessel it found
in John Boyle."
What did you do?
"A fiery bolt
from the firmament came
to reside in John Boyle."
It is a mystery indeed,
and the key to it, I fear,
lies within
Miertsching's missing journal.
Missing, we know,
because its mad author believed
it contained a revelation
so searing, so hellish,
that the very words imperiled
the soul of the reader.
[Mr. Denbok]
Something strange happened
at Mercy Bay.
Something burnt
John Kerr alive,
and something took the body
of John Boyle long before
you three stooges did.
And I think that same something
tore your father's leg off.
The same thing Ian shot at.
Now, why did he sh**t at it?
That wasn't part of the plan.
[Diana]
It got scary.
But no one was shot
except for the--
I'm warning you,
don't say ice mummy.
-No, it wasn't an ice mummy.
-[Mr. Da Silva] Good.
Because it has a name,
doesn't it, Diana?
[mummy growling]
[roaring]
-[whimpers]
-Ever heard of a Hyperborean?
You're on shaky ground here,
Denbok.
Wikipedia's heard
of a Hyperborean.
Despite of what you may think,
we hold controlling interest.
An unholy electric gargoyle.
That's what Miertsching
called it.
This was no ice mummy.
"A race of superhumans living
in the high Arctic,
they appear over and over again
through centuries, millennia.
The ancient Greeks
described them.
Northern peoples
encountered them.
They walked among the Gauls
and the Thule Society believed
ice moons
with frozen Aryan sperm
crashed into Atlantis
in the North Sea,
which the Nazis decided was
established scientific fact.
So what are all these people
describing here?
Cosmic healers?
Devils? Aliens?
Electric gargoyles?
No, no, do not sh**t it. No.
[Mr. Denbok]
Ladies and gentlemen...
I give you the Hyperborean.
[sighs]
[whispering] Okay.
We have to do something.
We have to whatever it takes.
We tried with you,
Mr. Denbok, but fact is
you don't have the same
protections you had under
Hollis Cameron,
'cause he died.
You've left us no choice.
[Mr. Da Silva] As trustees
of Cameron Holdings,
we are releasing you
as an employee.
-Releasing?
-You're fired!
[Ms. Ladouceur]
You may leave.
[clears throat]
Okay, fine, we'll leave.
Patty, let's go.
[]
You'll regret this.
Your ties to the company
are now cut!
Ms. Cameron, we'll be in touch.
You know you're not
the first people to abandon
the investigator.
Get it? That's what McClure
and his crew did.
They abandoned
the HMS Investigator.
[chuckles]
Well, you're not
an investigator anymore!
So don't add fraud to your
growing list of problems,
Denbok!
[door slams]
[Diana]
Can they do that?
Sorry.
Do you want a job?
I'm serious.
Did you meet a Hyperborean?
You met a Hyperborean.
We met a laser-blasting
ice mummy from outer space.
For f*ck's sake.
[growling]
[]
Did you see that?
[Diana]
We watched it leave.
It went up, straight up
like a bolt of lightning
and then it came straight
back down.
[distorted] Ahh!
[distorted]
What was that?
[distorted]
It was an alien.
[Diana]
We could see that it had
left our atmosphere.
There was this other light
up there waiting for it.
And when the two lights met,
the creature was knocked
back down to Earth.
[expl*si*n]
[]
Why would the light do that?
Because the Hyperborean
was too drunk.
Wait, what are you saying?
The drunk driver
got pulled over.
[growls]
[]
Dad? What happened?
It tried to leave.
Couldn't get off the planet.
[grunts]
[g*n clicks]
[]
[growling]
[]
[speaks indistinctly]
HMS f*cking Investigator.
[gasps]
[distorted speech]
Huh!
[]
[g*nsh*t]
-[Lovie] Oh!
-[sighs]
[]
Well, well, well.
I wonder which government
is gonna pay the most
to cut you up.
All right.
Say goodbye, kid.
[]
[computerized]
Ian... is dead.
[]
[slurps]
Might as well make that 911
call now, Lovie.
Nope, everything's dead.
[computerized]
It wants to go home.
It wants to go home.
Hold up a second, guys.
I feel like I need to say
a couple of words
to mark this occasion.
This night, we vanquished
a creature from outer space.
It's a pretty big deal.
More importantly,
the family is intact.
Y'all made it through.
That means the world to me.
But, yes, we lost a couple
of good men.
So I would like to take
a moment now, please,
for my butter cupper--
my butler cupper, Fontano.
Guys, we don't have a story
to cover all this.
I'm not terribly worried
about that.
'Cause any bullshit
we come up with is gonna be
more believable
than the f*cking crap
that happened this night.
So we've got criminal exposure.
But I'm gonna get a couple
of my very best criminal
lawyers on this case.
[roars]
[screams]
[expl*si*n]
[horn honks]
[gasps]
Oh.
Oh, f*ck.
[]
Okay.
[growls]
Your dad was a bit
of an iceberg, wasn't he?
It just seems like whatever
he had going on,
he always kept it just below
the surface.
Hollis Cameron
was a ruthless man.
He was cruel. He was a thief.
He came from a world that
was cold and capitalistic.
He wasn't a saint.
[Diana] No.
But he was kind of my dad.
Yeah. Kind of.
And I loved him.
Of course you did.
[crickets chirping]
Can you take me to the water?
Your sister's illness...
What of it?
Makes you defensive
to talk about.
My sister was fragile.
But I would never say
she was weak.
And what did
your father think?
[Aldous] I happen to know
it consumed him.
[Mr. Denbok]
There's one thing
I still don't get.
And what's that?
[Mr. Denbok] Well, even if
I buy all this stuff...
I still don't see
what Hollis's endgame was.
He wanted to go out
with a bang.
My father was a high roller
with a huge pair of dice.
He didn't do endgames.
[Mr. Denbok]
Mm, I don't know about that.
[]
[Diana]
I don't really know how
to preserve my father.
I don't know how
to remember him.
Isn't there some way
to save a small part of him?
You know, like the part
that I can still remember?
The part that's just for me?
I want that part.
I think we do that
with everyone.
I just wish my family
wasn't so ugly.
And whatever version
gets out there
will probably
just make us uglier.
And we'll deserve it.
That's maybe why you should
work with the lawyers.
Aldous would know what to say.
[both chuckles]
[Diana] It would be obnoxious
and narcissistic,
and I know it wouldn't be
the truth,
but he would have some spin.
No one would believe it,
but at least he would move on.
I've been thinking all day
about your--
your fourth birthday.
How excited we were,
me and your mom,
that-- that we had that--
that year with you
we didn't expect to have.
In the morning she got up
and ran to your room...
and you were gone.
We went downstairs
and you were nowhere.
We looked out
the kitchen window...
and we saw your shirt sitting
beside the pool.
We were scared.
And then we went outside
and we froze
because we didn't wanna see
what was in the pool.
And then we heard
the most amazing thing
I have ever heard
in my life.
-We heard you laugh.
-[both chuckles]
-And you were swimming!
-[chuckles]
But you didn't know
how to swim.
[both chuckles]
There you were.
It was like a--
it was like a miracle.
And we knew right there that
you were gonna grow up.
You're gonna be a great mom.
[Mr. Denbok]
I finished up with your
siblings, by the way.
[Diana]
Yeah. Think they'll go
to the lawyers?
[Mr. Denbok]
Actually, I got the feeling
that they'll listen to you.
Whatever it is you decide.
Were you serious?
[Diana] About what?
Hiring me.
Sure, why not?
True or false. Ready?
Did you suffer from the chronic
life-threatening illness
episodic PRAN disorder?
PRAN, EPD for short,
but yes, true.
[Mr. Denbok]
And do you currently suffer
from EPD?
[Diana]
I do not. False.
And were you pregnant
on the night of the murders?
Please, Diana, true or false?
True. What does this have
to do with anything?
And are you pregnant now?
False. I'm not.
Okay, what if your dad really
is the hero?
What if he planned this whole
thing, and I mean everything?
[Diana]
I don't understand.
What's the news
on the Hyperborean sea, sir?
I've made a big decision about
the holdings of
Cameron Whiskey.
I've decided that
I'm gonna put everything,
everything,
into this-- this final project.
Mr. Denbok] What if he knew
that John Boyle's body
was in that barrel?
That it lay dormant, undead?
Hollis] My daughter has
a spinal fluid deficiency.
Have I ever told you that,
Fontano?
[Fontano]
Episodic PRAN disorder.
[Hollis]
Right, exactly right.
Exactly that.
[Mr. Denbok]
And what if he knew it was
actually a Hyperborean?
A creature from another
realm with
extraordinary healing powers.
And he knew you,
his daughter, the type
of person that she was...
that this lost creature
would reach out to you.
You, Diana.
Not your brothers.
You.
Because you're kind
and intelligent.
Pregnant and sick?
Exactly. That you would
reach back.
What if Hollis Cameron put
everything on the line
to find this being?
His company, his reputation.
I mean, he paid
for it with his soul.
It was a long shot, a Hail
Mary,
but he risked everything
to save you, his daughter.
I really like that story.
How long do you have left
to live?
A long time.
[]
[pulsating]
[birds chirping]
What's up?
Oh, God, guys!
I'm really hungover.
Like bad. Oh.
That whiskey's f*cking rank.
Where the hell's Fontano?
I need a bath drawn.
Make me a tea.
[inhales]
[]
Why is there a kid there?
Rex?
Why is he looking at me?
[]
[sighs]
[]
I can't believe Dad's gone.
[sighs]
That means you're next in line
for the family business, Rex.
Honestly, I don't want
it anymore.
Do you?
But I know somebody
who'd be great at it.
Either of you have any effects,
you know,
from the mummy alien a*s water?
A bit of a headache, but...
Actually, I-- I feel great.
Like I feel the best I've ever
felt in my entire life.
Hmm.
[pulsating]
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Hyperborean, The (2023)
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