01x13 - Rafeefleas

[bunniefuu]

So that's the story, men.

We gotta catch
this clever, notorious

international jewel thief.

Or he'll give the neighborhood
a bad name.

whoosh

screech

A hole in, uh..

Duh, one.

[theme song]

♪ Top Cat ♪

♪ The most effectual Top Cat ♪

♪ Who's intellectual close
friends get to call him TC ♪

♪ Providing it's with dignity ♪

♪ Top Cat ♪

♪ The indisputable leader
of the g*ng ♪

♪ He's the boss he's a pip
he's the championship ♪

♪ He's the most tip-top ♪

♪ Top Cat ♪

♪ Yes he's a chief he's a king ♪

♪ But above everything ♪

♪ He's the most tip-top ♪

♪ Top Cat ♪

[Patrick whistling]

[instrumental music]

[sighs]

Anchovies, mushrooms

tomatoes, mozzarella.

Someone is playing my song.

But I can't join in the chorus
on an empty pocket.

This calls for a financial
report from the membership.

[drums music]

And the six ball off the ten
into, like, uh, the side pocket.

[drums music]

Huh?

[beeping]

Gotta cut, fellas. Like, all
the ba*ls in all the pockets.

I'll, like, uh, dig you later.

I'm a stranger in town, my dear.

And I wonder if you'd direct me
to your apartment.

[drums music]

Huh?

[beeping]

Excuse me.
My call service is paging me.

Don't move. I want to remember
you just as you are.

thud

Hmm! Men, they're all alike.

Come, come, Fancy.

You used to have the fastest

goodbye kiss on the East Side.

And you, Choo-Choo,
what kept you?

Cross-town traffic. I had
to travel against the current.

One, two, three, four.

Alright, someone is absent.

'Whoever it is,
hold up their hand.'

Uh, it's Benny, TC.

[Top Cat]
'It's always Benny.'

'Who saw him last?'

I saw him, TC.
At the museum last night.

- The museum? Benny?
- Yeah.

There's a new exhibit they're
working on with a big sign.

- "Watch this space."
- 'Yeah?'

So, Benny was just
standing there.

- Watching the space.
- Watching the space.

- Sure. When was this?
- Around closing time.

Say, maybe he got locked in.

I just hope he didn't wind up
in a jar of alcohol.

[Benny]
'Here I am, Top Cat.'

Shh.

[Top Cat]
'Well, the missing link
himself.'

What's wrong with your foot,
and why are we whispering?

My foot's asleep.

I don't wanna wake it up

unless it's important.

He don't wanna wake up his foot
unless it's important.

How about that?
Listen, you kooks.

Have I ever called a meeting
in the middle of the afternoon

if it wasn't important?

'Well, have I?'

Never mind. Just face
into the wind and sniff.

[sniffing]

'All together now, once more.'

[all sniffing]

[in unison]
Ahh.

Hey, that smells great.

Man, like, uh, 2000 calories.

Indescribably delicious.

[sniffing]

Yum-yum!

Uh, somebody tell me
what I'm missing.

My sinuses is clogged,
all eight of them.

Pizza. Nice, hot,
appetizing pizza.

Pizza? Gee,
you make my ears water.

Good, now how would
everybody like

old Top Cat to treat you
to all the pizza you can eat?

- Hey, swell!
- That's great, TC.

Good, good. Alright, now
let's see how much money I have.

Who's first to feed
Top Cat's kitty?

[Choo-Choo]
'I got only 20 cents, TC.'

Well, it's the thought
that counts, Chooch.

And how much are you
thinking of donating, Fancy?

I got a quarter, but I'm saving
it for sentimental reasons.

Yeah, well, I'm sentimental.
What are your reasons?

I'm, uh, saving
for a diamond engagement ring.

What? You, the tabby hunter
of 10th Avenue.

Giving girls engagement rings?

I wasn't planning to give it.

I was just gonna tease them
with it.

Yeah, well, pay now, ply later.

- Spook?
- Sorry, dad. Uh, flatsburg.

Like, uh,
make the scene without me.

Don't be silly, boy.

When Top Cat pays, we all eat.

Brain, how much are you
subscribing to the pizzathon?

- Uh, how much do you need?
- How much do you have?

Uh, counting my lucky dime,
uh, 13 cents.

[Top Cat]
'Thirteen is an unlucky number.'

'Get rid of that hoodoo.'

Does that put us
over the top, TC?

It doesn't even put us
over the bottom, Chooch.

And speaking of the bottom,
we now come to Benny the Ball.

- Will you take a nickel, TC?
- Get the lead out.

Sixty-three cents.
Just enough, counting sales tax.

Benny, don't move!

'Shoo! Scat! Scram!'

What is it, TC?

Some kind of poisonous looking
bug. I think I k*lled it.

Uh, it was just
a nice old ladybug.

Now it'll rain.

Man, like, I never saw
a ladybug that big.

Maybe it's a black widow.

[Top Cat]
'No, you're both wrong.'

'It's some sort
of costume jewelry'

'that some joker hung
on Benny for a laugh.'

Hey, yeah.
Like, dig all that gold.

It's probably an emerald.

No, it's only paste and brass.

Probably made in occupied China.

'Sure. Look at all that foreign
propaganda on the bottom.'

'Here, Fancy. Tease your
girlfriends with this.'

You mean, I should tell them
it is emerald?

Please, even your fiances
aren't that stupid.

Tell them it's a rare beetle cut
chartreuse diamond.

Now, where was I?

You were taking us
all to dinner, TC.

Oh, yeah, alright,
now pay attention, lads

while I explain the rules

of our free pizza
eating contest.

Uh, I still don't understand

how TC can feed us
all for nothing.

Read the sign, man.
Like, uh, read the sign.

It says,
"All you can eat for 60 cents."

Uh, yeah, but TC said he'd
return our original investment.

[Fancy]
'Hiya, fellas. How do I look?'

[Brain]
'Uh, hiya, Fancy.'

'And how's an old derby,
sunglasses'

and a broken billiard cue

gonna help get us
a free lunch?

Man, like, if TC told us
it was gonna rain soup

you'd only bring a fork.

You gotta, like,
believe all the way.

Excuse me,signore

aren't you
who owns this pizzeria?

Right you are, laddie boy.

And what is it
your dear hearts cry out for?

The anchovy, mushroom,
or pepperoni?

You're Pedro?

[chuckles]
Short for Patrick.

[chuckles]
You're hungry, I take it?

Whist, it's not for myself
I'm asking.

I'm only the advance agent
for Dunkel Heimburger.

Dunkel Heimburger?

[Top Cat]
'I see the name
is familiar, lad.'

'That's right,
Dunkel Heimburger.'

Syndicated newspaper columnist.

The world's
best-trained gourmet.

'And number one
comparison food shopper.'

- Dunkel Heimburger?
- Oh, you are lucky.

Open just a few hours
and already your establishment

is about to become a mecca
for pizza lovers.

[speaking in foreign language]

You mean, Mr. Heimburger
might write my place up?

Play your pizzas right,
and tomorrow morning, lad

your tomato sauce
could be splashed

all over the front page.

Of course, Dunkel is particular.

Your pies must have
lots offreniky.

"Freniky," you say?
Is it anything like garlic?

No."Freniky" is a French word
used by gourmets.

It means containg, uh..

snap snap

Well, I could only tell
if your pizzas have it

if I sample some.

Would you, now?

Just a bite to see

if they have enoughfreniky.

Me? Oh, I couldn't.
It's unethical.

Dunkel Heimburger
likes to keep an open palate.

I wouldn't tell him you told me.

What part of the old sod
are you from, lad?

'Lough of Glendougal
in old County Down.'

[speaking in foreign language]

My grandmother
came from right next door

in old County Up.

- Oh, really?
- No, O'Brien.

[laughing]

TC has sure been in there
a long time.

Yeah, I'm hungry.

He's on his fifth pizza.

It's his sixth, but who counts?

Uh, maybe he forgot about us.

TC wouldn't forget us.
He's got our money.

And the lucky dime makes 63.

Mr. Heimburger
likes to pay in advance.

So if the food disagrees
with him, he can stalk out.

Of course, now that
I've helped sort out

the pizzas withfreniky,
you'll have no trouble.

Serving the famous
Dunkel Heimburger is an honor.

Let's make it, uh, on the house.

[Top Cat]
'You are persuasive.'

Well, I'll send Dunkel right in.

But don't tell him I alerted you
or bother him for autographs.

'You know the Irish.
Very close mouthed.'

Oh, uh, I forgot.

Sometimes after Dunkel's
had a few pizzas

he likes to stroll around
the block and rest his stomach.

But if he fancies your pies,
he'll be back to sample more.

I could almost guarantee it.

How will I recognize
Mr. Heimburger?

'Well, he wears a derby hat'

'scarf, dark glasses,
and he carries a cane.'

I couldn't make up my mind

whether I liked the sausage
or meatball pizzas best.

So, I had one more of each.

Okay, Spook, your turn
to be Dunkel Heimburger.

Bon appetite!

The cane!

Like, uh, thanks, dad.

Meatball in the side pocket.

When do I get my turn, TC?

I'm hungry.

You ate just


Ain't you got no sense of time?

Sure, TC.

But my stomach can't tell time.

Oh, that's good, Benny boy.
Very, very good.

Let me see now.
Did I return everybody's money?

Yeah, TC, then you won it
all back from us

playing heads or tails.

Yeah, Brain,
this is a lucky coin

you have here, alright.

Would you chaps care to pitch
pennies on credit for a while?

And how did you rather fancy

the red-pepper pizza?

Do you have anything
in a slower speed, Mac?

'Like, uh, mushrooms
at thirty-three and a third?'

Where you been, Fancy?

You look like the cat
that got the canary.

Next best thing.
I got a new chick.

- It worked.
- What worked?

That pin Benny found.

You know the beetle-cut
chartreuse diamond.

I just flashed it once
and she melted.

Where's the end
of the chow line?

Spook's finishing his turn now.

[Choo-Choo]
'If you ask me, he's a nut.'

Who? Spook, Fancy or Benny?

That guy who runs
the pizza joint, Patrick Dibble.

I can't understand how a dope
like that can afford..

Patrick what?

Dib...ble.

Spell it.

D-I..

Bibble. Dibble!

[chuckles]
Isn't that funny?

Boys, Choo-Choo's
playing a joke.

He's trying to make us think
that the man who runs

Pedro's Pizza Palazzo is,
in reality, Patrick Dibble.

Who spells his name
the same way Officer Dibble

'who has promised to run us
out of the alley'

'if he caught us
in any more shenanigans'

'spells his name.'

You do have a droll sense
of the macabre.

He's his cousin,
on his mother's side.

Yeesh!

A million pizza palaces in town

and we have to pick
on the one operated

by Officer Dibble's cousin.

[Spook]
'Like, hi.'

Uh, whose turn is it
to put the bite

on the cube for the free pizza?

Spook, Spook, do you know
who that cube is?

Sure, he told me.
Officer Dibble's cousin.

Dibble lent him
his retirement dough

like, uh, to buy the joint.

And speaking of the Dibble,
uh, here he comes now.

[humming]

Officer Dibble reporting.

[indistinct chatter on phone]

Uh, no, sarge.
No trace of them.

Well, I know it's my beat,
but it just happened.

How could I make
an arrest so soon?

[indistinct chatter on phone]

What do you mean,
"Irresponsible?"

If there's any crime
in my precinct

I'm one hundred percent
responsible.

'I get blamed for everything
that goes on around here.'

thud

I surrender, Dibble. I didn't
know the gentleman was related.

I'll pay for everything,
of course.

Hello, TC.

What are you talking about?

Yeah, uh-uh, what are you
talking about?

I'm talking about
a slippery scoundrel

with sticky fingers.

I'm talking about breaking
and entering, grand larceny.

Grand what? Now, let's not
get carried away, Dibble.

The whole thing couldn't amount
to more than 12 bucks, with tip.

Twelve bucks? Ha!

It's a million-dollar job.

Hey, wait a minute.
This may be right up your alley.

'You've got a g*ng.'

A g*ng? A small social club.

How would you like
to help me, Top Cat?

You want me
to turn on my cronies?

Be a stool pigeon?

Your g*ng didn't do this.

This job was too big
for your guys.

Well, you know the kind
of unskilled help

you get these days.

I want you to
keep your eyes open.

Sniff around, and if you hear
anything suspicious, holler.

Sort of a private-eye

ear-nose-and-throat
operation, huh?

Right. Will you do it?

Dibble, for you, anything.

But what's in it for me?

Well, I'll put it this way.

If this crook ain't caught,
I'll be transferred.

'And you'll get one of those
eager-beaver cops'

'that walks softly
but carries a big stick.'

So that's the story, men.

We gotta catch this
clever, notorious

international jewel thief

or he'll give the neighborhood
a bad name.

whoosh

screech

A hole in, uh..

Duh, one.

Uh, what's this clever,
international jewel thief

like, uh, done, TC?

He snatched a million-dollar
antique from a display case.

According to Dibble,
it's a jade scarab

'with the inscription'

"To Nefertiti, from Tut,
with love.

April 1350 B.C."

whoosh

clink

Another hole in one.

What's jade, TC?

[Top Cat]
'It's a hard green jewel.'

What's a scarab?

A scarab is a bug-shaped doodad.

So when you say jade scarab

you mean a piece of junk
costume jewelry

that looks like a beetle-cut
chartreuse diamond?

Right, Chooch.

A hole in, like, one, TC.

And when you say clever,
you mean Benny the Ball?

Of course not.

Benny's not.. Benny!

'Benny, where were you
last night'

'while the museum
was being robbed?'

Sleeping, TC.

Good. You see,
you're too suspicious.

Where were you sleeping?

On nice, soft velvet pillows.

Uh-huh.

Did the velvet pillows

have glass windows all around

like a display case
in the museum?

Then you're the clever,
notorious

international jewel thief.

- I am?
- You stole the scarab.

I did?

We gotta turn Benny in, TC?

Of course not.
Benny's innocent.

He never knew the scarab pin
stuck to his coat

'when he went to sleep
in the display case.'

So?

So, we return the scarab

to the museum
and everything will--

[Fancy]
'Hey, what about Shirley, TC?'

Shirley? Shirley who?

The "Shirley who"
I gave the jade scarab to.

Looks like we'll have to, like,
snatch the scarab from Shirley.

Yeah, and un-snatch it
back to the museum.

But, uh, that'll be dangerous.

I know, there'll be police,
and night watchmen

and burglar alarms,
but I think we can handle them.

That part's easy.
Who's gonna handle Shirley?

Yeah, I'm Shirley.

FBI, ma'am.

- FBI?
- Federal Bug Investigators.

We had a report of bug smuggling
in this area.

Bug smuggling?

That's right, ma'am.

Some ugly th*gs
have been lugging in rug bugs.

Rug bugs? Ugh!

[Top Cat]
'Uh-oh, there's one now.'

hiss hiss

Got him. Those things
eat sweaters too, you know.

Are you crazy?

This is a very rare,
expensive jewel.

Oh, no, ma'am. That's
a common everyday rug bug.

They just pretend to be jewelry.

'Protective coloration.
Very smart, those insects.'

But this was given to me
by Fancy, my fiance.

A fellow about this big,
with shifty eyes

a silk foulard and lots of
after shave lotion?

That's Bugsy Fleagle,
the bootleg-insecticide king.

He gets these plagues going

and then he moves in
and sells his hot insecticide.

I can't believe it.

Why would Fancy
do a thing like that?

Well, he claims he does it
for his wife and kids.

You mean, my fiance
has been married?

Well, I'm not one
to spread old wives' tales.

I just wanna get one of those
bugs as evidence against him.

But if you wanna keep it
for sentiment, it's okay.

He gave one
to the girl next door too.

Poor kid,
she's already come down

with the portorackasacky fever
those things carry.

Well, wear it in good health.

Thanks for k*lling
the publicity, captain.

I-I'm sure my plan will work.

If this international
jewel thief

thinks he's got away
with the jade scarab

he'll be back again tonight
for the rest of the collection.

Only this time,
I'll be waiting for him.

[Spook]
'A museum at night is,
like, uh, strictly weirdsville.'

[Choo-Choo]
'Yeah, dad, real creepy.'

Shh.

Did you, uh, have any trouble

getting the scarab
back from Shirley, TC?

Not a bit, Fancy.

She even gave me something extra
to go with it.

A bump on the noggin.

Which way to the jewelry
display, Benny?

It's in the room after
the prehistoric monsters, TC.

Yipe!

Shh-shh.

Don't be silly, Spook.
That's just a pile of old bones.

- Hey, TC, look.
- 'What? What?'

[Choo-Choo]
'I seen those two
before on television.'

[Top Cat]
'Impossible, Chooch.
They're from prehistoric times.'

Yeah.

Probably from the late

Cretaceous-Pleistocene-Mesozoic
period.

Yeah. Ha, ha, like I said.
Well, here we are.

Is this the display case
you slept in, Benny?

This is it, TC.

Alright. Let's replace
the bauble and get out of here.

Spook, the scarab.

Oh, uh, did I, like, have it?

- Fancy?
- Not me, TC.

Me either, chief.

Uh, I ain't no jewel thief.

Benny?

I was just keeping it
for safekeeping, TC.

[Fancy]
'Hurry up, TC,
I hear footsteps.'

[Top Cat]
'It may be Dibble. Let's hide.'

Hey, that's not Dibble.

He's too sneaky
and squeaky for Dibble.

He acts more like a..

[in unison]
'Clever, notorious,
international jewel thief!'

screech

The jewels, they're gone.

Hey, Dibble, he went that away.

Don't try talking yourself
out of this one, Top Cat.

I'm taking you in for--

Don't run, boys. Panic!

[Dibble]
'Come back here,
you jewel thieves!'

[whistle blowing]

Uh-oh, the gendarmes.

In here is a good hideout.

[Top Cat]
'Keep going, fellas!'

Halt, TC! Halt!

Or I'll, I'll, I'll,
I'll be awful mad at you.

[whistle blows]

[chuckles]

What a setup.

With this disguise, I just
stroll away with the loot.

[sniffing]

Anchovies, mushrooms

mozzarella.

Mmm! Pizza.

Alright, TC, what did you do
with the jewels?

But I've been telling you,
Dibble, I'm not--

Hey, cousin, come on in.

I've got a celebrity
I want you to meet.

None other than
Dunkel Heimburger himself

the world-famous gourmet,
uh, gourmet.

Dunkel Heimburger?

[Patrick]
'This is the sixth time
he's been back to try my pizza.'

But I left the Dunkel Heimburger
outfit in the trash can.

[Dibble]
'Come on, TC.
Let's go in and have a look.'

[Top Cat]
'That's him, Dibble!'

'He's the one
who stole the jewels!'

[Dibble]
'Stop him! Come back here!'

thud

[Choo-Choo]
Pardon us, sir.

'But aren't you
the clever, notorious'

'international jewel thief?'

As Officer Dibble's press agent,
you can quote me as saying

"It was a triumph of efficient

police investigation
over lawlessness."

Officer Dibble
runs a tight alley

and deserves at least
half the reward.

And you can quote me as saying

"I never would have
caught this rascal

"without the full assistance

of these fine,
law-abiding citizens."

Who, I am sure, will use
their half of the reward

to pay an outstanding
restaurant bill.

And they never
would have caught me

if I were not full
of these lead pizzas.

And if I had it

I'd use my half of the reward

to hire a good doctor.

[groaning]

Now then, be sure
you get the address right.

And put in there,
Polish weddings

Chinese New Years' dinners

and bar mitzvahs a specialty.

And now, Top Cat,
the pizzas are on Pedro.

'Ha, ha, short for Patrick.'

Well, make mine a mulligan-stew
pizza, Patrick, my boy.

[all laughing]

[theme song]

♪ Top Cat ♪

♪ The most effectual Top Cat ♪

♪ Who's intellectualclose friends ♪

♪ Get to call him TC ♪

♪ Providing it's with dignity ♪

♪ Top Cat ♪

♪ The indisputable
leader of the g*ng ♪

♪ He's the boss he's a pip
he's the championship ♪

♪ He's the most tip-top ♪

♪ Top Cat ♪

♪ Yes he's a chief he's a king ♪

♪ But above everything ♪

♪ He's the most tip-top ♪

♪ Top Cat ♪