06x14 - Raven's Clone

[bunniefuu]

♪ ♪

Yes, Nikki, I know you said you'd pick up
my peacock feathers tomorrow,

but that was yesterday,

and yesterday's tomorrow is today.

[quietly] Nikki, Nikki.
Someone is here wearing my outfit!

Yes, on purpose.
Girl, you know what, I'm hangin' up.

Uh, 'scuse me, I hate to bother you,
but I love your outfit.

Thank you. It's by my favorite designer,
Raven Baxter!

-Yep, that's me.
-[gasps] Raven Baxter!

Yep, still, still me.

-Raven Baxter!
-Okay, calm down, girl.

People are starin'.

I'm Emily. I am your biggest fan.

I love your show.
I love all of your designs.

-I basically wanna be you.
-[laughs] Great. I could use a break.

Oh... They gave me an extra coffee.

Do you want it? It's a latte, double foam,

splash of hazelnut with a caramel drizzle.

Hey, that's my order!

I know. I saw you drink it on your show.

-Do you want it?
-I mean, I texted Nikki

to pick me up a coffee, so.

But there is a 10% chance
she'll read my text

and a 2% chance she'll actually do it,
so I'ma take that coffee.

-I'm gonna get my bags.
-[gasps] Oh, um,

I can help you until Nikki gets here.

Oh, are you sure
you have the time? I mean,

she doesn't get here until, uh, half past

whenever she feel like it.

Yeah, I'm happy to help.

Those are the most beautiful
words I ever heard. [laughs]

But just so you know,
I can't afford to pay you.

-I would never take your money.
-I strike that!

Those are the most
beautiful words I ever heard.

Come on, girl!

[theme music playing]

♪ Ha, ha! Lemme tell ya somethin' ♪

♪ Had my vision all worked out ♪

♪ But then life had other plans ♪

♪ Tell 'em, Mom ♪

♪ It's crazy when things
turn upside down ♪

♪ But ya gotta get up
and take that chance ♪

-♪ New city, I’m finding my way ♪
-♪ It’s gonna take some time ♪

-♪ Yeah, we're gonna be okay ♪
-♪ Ya know I got you, right? ♪

♪ It might be wild, but ya
know that we make it work ♪

♪ We're just fam
caught up in a crazy world ♪

-♪ C'mon! ♪
-♪ It's Raven's Home ♪

-♪ We get loud! ♪
-♪ Yeah, Raven's Home ♪

♪ It's our crowd! ♪

♪ Might be tough, but together
we make it look good ♪

♪ Down for each other like family should ♪

-♪ It's Raven's Home ♪
-♪ When it's tough ♪

-♪ Yeah, Raven's Home ♪
-♪ We got love ♪

♪ 'Cos no matter the weather,
ya know we gon' shine ♪

♪ There for each other,
ya know it's our time ♪

[Raven laughing]

Yep! That's us.

♪ ♪

Hey, Pop-Pop.

Ooh, your first field trip as a chaperone.

-Are you nervous?
-Please.

I've been a parent, a grandparent,

and a Room Parent, so, apparently,

I know what I'm doin'.

Are you sure?
Auntie Rae said that when she was little,

you took her to the same museum
and you lost her.

She wasn't lost.
She knew exactly where she was.

Hey, Mr. B.

Just wanna apologize in advance
for, uh, what's about to happen.

What's about to happen?

-[airhorn blares]
-Wake up, Baxter!

It is Senior Skip Day!

There is "not goin' to school" to do!

-[airhorn blares]
-I'll take that.

I'm gonna see how far
I can throw this thing.

Ivy, it's Skip Day.
I was gonna sleep until 11.

What? That's like three class periods

worth of skippin' you're skippin'.

Yeah, we're goin' to Blimpo's
to get breakfast,

and then we're goin' to Pier 39
to ride some rides.

Ohh, can we get souvenir flat pennies?!

Uh, I didn't get my allowance
in change for nothin'.

[Booker laughs]

Oh... Cheese sticks, yogurt tubes...

Comfortable shoes, ooh!

Somebody's goin' on
the sixth-grade field trip

-to the Natural History Museum.
-You know it, girl.

And this year, we're doing
a scavenger hunt.

The winner gets a Natural History Museum
coffee mug.

You know, at first,
I'm gonna use it for pens,

but when I'm old enough,

I'm gonna drink so much coffee out of it.

Oh! You cannot leave the museum
without seeing the Rat-Man.

-Neil... We have talked about this.
-NEIL: Hm?

There is no Rat-Man.

-What's the Rat-Man?
-The year was 1941.

They found him frozen in ice in the Andes.

He was on display at the museum,

but he was so terrifying,

that they had to put him
down in the basement.

And he's still there to this day.

[airhorn blares]

I was gonna back over
this thing with my car

when I realized this could be useful

keepin' the whole group
together at the museum.

Plus, this is way more fun
when you're the one usin' it.

[airhorn blares]

It's gonna be a long day.

♪ ♪

The producers made it seem
like I was yelling at Nikki on the phone,

but in actuality, I was trying
to cancel my gym membership.

They wanted me to come down there.

Now, if I wanted to go to the gym,

I wouldn't be cancelin' my membership.

[laughs] That is the best story!

You said that about the last story.

That's because I hadn't heard this story.

-This roller coaster just keep goin' up.
-[Raven laughs]

What's with these transit cards?

Oh, that's for my design
for the SMET Gala.

-The theme is "Found Fashion."
-The SMET?

That's the most prestigious
fashion event on the West Coast.

I know! And it's always
been my dream to go.

I can't believe it's actually happening!

Ooh, is this your outfit?

Yes, it's a work in progress,
but what do ya think?

This top with a hoop skirt?
I'd live in that.

And then when I died,
I'd get buried in it.

[Raven laughs]

Raven, check it out. I'm here before 9:00.

-It's 12:30.
-I'm here before 1:00.

-Who is this person?
-Oh, this is Emily. She is a huge fan.

This happens all the time.

Yes, you can get a selfie with me.

A huge fan of mine. I'm showing her
how we do things around here.

Oh, actually, how I do things
and where you sit.

I'm havin' so much fun.
Any chance I can stay and help?

I already sorted all the buttons
in the button bucket.

-I hope you don't mind.
-Well, we do mind.

The nerve of some people.

♪ ♪

Hey, I'm glad you got me outta bed.

Riding rides is the best.

Yeah, this is way better

than going to Kate Boozler's
Skip Day party.

-Kate's throwin' a Skip Day party?
-Mm-hm.

Riding rides sucks!

Oh... I know it was part of the plan,

but now I'm starting to regret
eating that entire Blimpo Bucket

before getting on a ride
called "The Hurler."

[whooshing]

Neil was right! There is a
[echoes] Rat-Man!

-You guys, I just had a vision.
-[Neil gasps]

Was it Ivy barfing? She barf on you?!
She barf on me?! Ivy!

No, it was Alice.
She was, she was screamin'

about somethin' called the Rat-Man.

-[gasps] I knew it was real!
-What are you talkin' about?

The year was 1941--

Nope, not doin' that again.

It's just some urban legend
Neil was telling Alice about this morning.

Well, whatever she saw,
it freaked her out.

I'm sorry, you guys, but I'ma have to skip
Skip Day. Alice needs me.

Oh, you guys don't have to come with me.

Uh, and miss the Rat-Man? Are you kidding?

Hey, I'm only going there
to prove Neil wrong.

And the museum won't make me barf.

♪ ♪

Ten, 11, 12. Oh, no.

Alice, Alice, have you seen Aiden?

-[airhorn blares]
-Dang it! He's got my airhorn!

It's his first field trip
as a Room Parent.

That explains why the back
of his shirt is so sweaty.

Okay. We've got a picture of a meteorite,

a picture of a trilobite,

and a picture of you dropping coprolite

when you found out it was fossilized poo.

Why is that the one thing you're allowed
to touch in this entire museum?

Because it's funny.

Okay... Ooh! Only one thing left to find

and then we win this scavenger hunt!

"An artifact that can only
be found at this museum."

The only exclusive exhibit is
the mummy of Ramses the Great.

How will we win if everyone
picks the same answer?

There might be another way.

I heard there's something called
a, a Rat-Man in the basement.

Is it a man-sized rat or a rat-sized man?

Oh! Or is it a man on the bottom
and a rat on the top?

-[gasps] Or maybe--
-Bree, Bree, Bree! Y-You're spiraling.

Come back to me, okay?

It doesn't matter, as long as
we're the ones who win and not Dylan.

You're not gonna win 'cause
I'm gonna find the Rat-Man first.

Dylan, what have I said
about eavesdropping?

If I'm remembering the conversation
I overheard last Thursday,

you don't like how good I am at it.

Aiden, come back with that bone!

Alice... Can you guys
help me put these back?

Aiden is tearin' through this place like
a bull in a china shop.

-[distant crash]
-Dang it! He's in the china shop!

♪ ♪

-[crunching]
-[loud chewing]

Gah! Nikki! Will you stop crunching?!

Well, I can't swallow them whole.

I'm not a snake.

Oh, no.

[sighs] My fastener's broken
and it's the last one.

Nikki, hand me that chip clip.

Okay, but if I open them,
I'm just gonna start eating them again.

Let's see, if this goes around
here like that.

Ooh! Yes! Your girl just took
bein' that and a bag of chips

to a whole new level.

-Here's your dry cleaning, Raven.
-[Raven gasps]

Oh, thank you, Emily.
You have been crushing it today.

I've been crushing it.

No, you've been crunching it.
There's a difference.

What are you doing?

Getting Raven coffee,
picking up her dry cleaning.

-You're acting like a, a--
-An assistant?

No, I'm her assistant
and I don't do any of that.

Maybe that's the problem.

You don't appreciate the fact that you get
to work with Raven Baxter.

That's not true. I'm rarely at work.

Then I guess no one would miss you.

Uh, have you guys seen my shears?

They're in your scissor drawer.

I got, I got a scissor drawer?

You do now. It used to be
Nikki's chip drawer.

[gasps] I know where that is.

What happened to my chips?

Oops.

You better go get the vacuum.

Joke's on you.
I don't even know what that is.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Wearing a mask to your first gala.

Perfect? Ridiculous?

Or perfectly ridiculous?

We need to talk about Emily...
I don't like her.

What are you talkin' about?

She's nice, she's helpful,
she's enthusiastic.

I know. Annoying, right?

You have to get rid of her.

I think she's trying to steal my job.

[gasps] So, she is available?

When do you think she can start?

-Raven!
-I'm kidding.

She's just here to help me get ready
for the Gala. She's harmless.

Raven, now that you're famous,
you need to be careful about

who you let into your inner circle.

I'm inner circle famous? I like it.

You don't know anything about her.

First, she's getting your dry cleaning,

next, she's selling your yacht
to Bella Hadid behind your back.

Sounds like somebody's jealous.

Why would I be jealous? I have a yacht.

No, you're jealous of Emily.

Can we talk about this later, okay?

I have to get ready for the Gala.

Did you pick up those peacock feathers

-I asked you to get?
-Of course, I did.

I did. They're in my bag.

I swear they were in here.

-I don't know what happened.
-I don't have time for this today.

-But--
-No, no, no.

You know what? Why don't you just go home?

Emily and I got this.

I usually love leaving work,

but for some reason,
this doesn't feel right.

Let me get that for you.

I have a yacht.

♪ ♪

First chance I get, I'm down in that
basement winnin' this scavenger hunt.

We have to get a pic of that
Rat-Man before Dylan does.

Alice, do you know where these two go?

Oh, well, that one's the raptor's femur,
so it goes in his leg,

and that one's a half-eaten chicken wing,
so it goes in the trash.

Well, that explains why it
smells like barbecue sauce.

-Hey, there's Alice. She's okay.
-Yeah, of course, she's okay.

There's no such thing as the Rat-Man.

Uh, you won't be sayin' that when
the Rat-Man's eatin' your face.

No, I'll be saying,
"Help, a Rat-Man is eating my face."

Alice, look, your grandpa's busy
licking sauce off his fingers.

-Now's our chance.
-Outta my way.

I've got a scavenger hunt to win.

Hey, you can't sneak away
from the field trip!

That was my plan!

We have to keep an eye on Alice.

-Yeah.
-Yeah, definitely.

Uh, Booker?

-We lost her, didn't we?
-That was faster than usual.

♪ ♪

Emily, thank you so much
for being my model.

It's so much easier to make alterations
when it's on someone.

Wow. [laughs] You look like me in that.

-I do, don't I?
-Yeah, and if I didn't know any better,

I would think you were me. [laughs]

You free next week? I got jury duty.

It's a federal offense,
but I'm open to it.

[phone chimes]

Oh, I need you to take off the dress.

I gotta get ready for the Gala.
Thank you so much for your help.

-You want me to go?
-Yeah, there's nothing else for you to do.

It was so nice meeting you, Emily.

Guess my dream of being
Raven Baxter can't last forever.

Or can it?

Emily, did you put these
peacock feathers in the closet?

What?! I didn't sabotage Nikki.

What?! I didn't say anything
about you sabotagin' Nikki,

but now I think you sabotaged Nikki!

Oh, you look so disappointed in me.

That's better.

-RAVEN [yells]: Emily!
-[bangs on door]

You better let me out of this

incredibly well-organized closet!

Boy, if you weren't dangerous,
I would put you on full-time!

♪ ♪

Huh, Alice, give it up.

I'm gonna find the Rat-Man first.

You know, there's no evidence
that the Rat-Man even exists.

We have to keep looking.

If Dylan wins this scavenger hunt,

we'll never hear the end of it.

Actually, all we'll hear is the end of it

because that's the part where he wins.

No Rat-Man here.

Dylan, check it out.

-Ancient emojis.
-[both laughing]

That one's you after
you lose the scavenger hunt.

Oh, yeah? Well, I would say
this one looks like you,

-but I don't wanna offend the mask.
-[both laughing]

Did I just cross into a universe
where the two of you are friends?

-No way!
-You take that back!

Whatever.

There's something over here
I think you need to see.

[intense music playing]

Is it this thing that looks
like a, uh, large coffin?

'Cause... I don't think
I need to see that.

♪ ♪

Nikki, call me back. You were right.

Emily stole my outfit,
locked me in a closet.

[sighs] Hope I never see Emily again.

[clears throat]
Hi. I am Raven Baxter. I'm on the list.

Hm... It looks like
Raven Baxter's already inside.

No. No, because I am she
and she is me and me is outside.

Sorry... We can't let you in.

Now, this is the vision that gags me.

[gasps] Oh, snap.

Emily's right there struttin' around.

Who does she think she is?

Oh, right... Me.

♪ ♪

You know what? Um, there's been a mistake.

Not on the list.

How many times do I have to say it?

Well, I guess just twice.

Yes! There you are. Welcome to the SMET!

EMILY: They said I had
to cancel it in person.

If I wanted to go to the gym,

I wouldn't be cancelin' the membership.

That's my story.
And she not even tellin' it right.

♪ ♪

Okay, Dylan... You pry off the lid,
I'll take the picture.

Nice try, Alice.

You pry off the lid,
I'll take the picture.

Well, I-I'm not gonna fall for that.

Well, I'm not gonna fall for it.

[Alice yells]

Oh, sorry.

I could tell this was going to be
a classic Alice-Dylan back-and-forth.

Thought I'd speed things along.

[grunting]

It's empty?

-I don't get it.
-I do.

You made up that story to keep me
from winnin' the scavenger hunt.

If I made it up, why would I be here?

[scoffs] You tell me.
You the one who made it up.

[rattling]

[ominous music playing]

[kids yell]

-Who was that?!
-Whatever it was,

it's between us and the door.

[high-pitched]
Bree, if it's scary, keep it to yourself.

♪ ♪

[kids screaming]

-Neil was right! There is a Rat-Man!
-Get him!

-[grunting]
-BOOKER: Stop, stop it!

Stop! Wait, stop! Stop!

-Wait, that sounds like Booker.
-The Rat-Man's a shapeshifter?!

-Hit him harder!
-Stop, stop, stop!

Alice? What are you doing down here?

We were trying to get a picture of
the Rat-Man to win the scavenger hunt,

but there is no Rat-Man.

Sadly... There are only rats
and there are only men.

All right, come on.
Let's get back to the field trip.

Looks like all three of us are
gonna lose the scavenger hunt.

Wait. Hold up.

Who, uh...

Who wants to take a pic with the Rat-Man?

Ooh! I do.

-He meant the kids.
-Oh.

[kids chuckling]

-[camera clicks]
-All right, come on.

Let's get back before Grandpa Vic
realizes you're gone.

You know, Dylan,
you really surprised me today.

I expected you to ditch us
when the Rat-Man showed up.

I wouldn't do that to my friends.

-Friends?
-Or you.

Friends or you.
Two totally separate groups.

Well, I wouldn't do that to you either,

but... I will beat you up the stairs
and win this scavenger hunt.

-See ya! [laughs]
-Hey!

-Those three kinda remind me of us.
-[door shuts]

I call Alice.

No, you can't be Alice. I'm her cousin.

Well, obviously, I'm a total Bree.

Ivy, there can't be two Alices.

You know, you sound like
such a Dylan right now.

You take that back!

♪ ♪

EMILY: "Signed, Raven Baxter."

Because that is definitely who I am.

-Raven, I got your voicemail.
-How'd you get in here?

I walked right in.

The security guards are
busy looking for someone.

Look over there. Look at that faker.

You know what? I got a plan.

You gon' sweep her legs
and I'ma drop a 450-splash

on top of the T-Rex's top rib.
You smell what I'm cookin'?

-I have a better idea.
-Yeah, but if it's a wrestling move

before 2003, I'ma need you
to explain it to me.

Hey, Emily.

-Oh, snap!
-Uh-uh! You don't say that.

That's my line. I say that.

What is going on here?

This woman is pretending to be me.

[high-pitched]
What?! You pretendin' to be me!

I'm going to have to see some ID.

-Here, I got it right--
-Here.

-Oh.
-[gasps]

You made a matching purse.

-Miss Baxter, you are good.
-RAVEN/EMILY: Thank you.

Hey.

Let's see what we have here. Mm!

My driver's license, my credit card.

Ooh. Blimpo's Rewards Club.

One more stamp and I get
a free lemon pie. [chuckles]

Oh, no, you don't.

You can take my identity,
and you can take my outfit,

but, girl, you ain't takin' my pie.

-Gimme my pie! This lemon is good--
-That's enough!

-I know how to solve this.
-Okay.

Hey, Raven, love the outfit you made.

Thank you. I worked very hard on it.

If you made it, you must know what you
used to secure the skirt.

Of course, I used a fastener.

-[crowd applauds]
-Uh-uh-uh. No, no, no, no!

No, because the fastener
on the skirt was broken.

-[crowd gasps]
-Right, so I used a grommet.

-Uh-uh.
-A snap?

-No.
-A button?

You ain't right.

Uh, a zipper, safety pin, gum?

I, Raven Baxter, used a chip clip!

[Emily gasps]

[nervous laughter]

Listen, I may have gotten
a little carried away today.

-Security!
-Oh, please, I'll take it from here.

You think you can come up in my house
pretending to be someone else?!

I am gonna drop you
like last season's hemline!

Sorry you didn't get to wear your outfit.

Oh, I'm sorry I sent you home.

I get it. Emily seemed like
the perfect assistant.

Turns out I don't need
the perfect assistant.

I need you... That didn't come out right.

It's okay. I was raised to hear
insults as compliments.

That makes so much sense.

♪ ♪

Aiden... Aiden, where are you?

Aiden... If you can hear
my voice, make a sound.

[airhorn blares]

Come on, man! I wanna go home.

♪ ♪