01x04 - The Ghost Vikings

[bunniefuu]

MAN:
Look, up on the building!

It's Spider-Woman!

NARRATOR:
And this is Jessica Drew,

who, as a child,
while visiting her father's laboratory,

was bitten by a poisonous spider.

Forced to try an untested spider serum,

Dr. Drew not only saved
his daughter's life,

but unknowingly gave her
incredible spider-like powers.

Dedicated to fighting evil
while weaving her web of justice,

it's Spider-Woman!

[THUNDER CRACKS]

[ROARING]

[ZAPPING]

[SHIP'S HORN BLARING]

[RUMBLING]

[HORN BLARING]

[BOOMING]

Captain! What was that?

I do not know. But look!

[WHIRRING]

It is pulling us in!

Aft to port, all engines halt!

[ALARM HORN BLARING]

This is the French liner Lafayette
off the coast of Norway.

Mayday! Mayday!

[WHIRRING CONTINUES]

My spider-sense was right.
That cruise ship is in big trouble.

I just hope my spider lines can stop it
before it's too late.

Something stopped us from sinking
into the maelstrom.

Now to stop that deadly whirlpool
before it does any more damage.

My protective spider bubble
will keep me safe at this crushing depth.

The disturbance is coming
from that giant fissure.

[WHIRRING]

I may be able to stop it with these rocks.

[WATER BUBBLING]

It's no use.

[RUMBLING]

What on earth?

Thundering tarantulas! It's a Viking ship!

JEFF:
I don't understand you, Jessica.

You take us away from a great story,

the Nobel Peace Prize conference
in Stockholm...

[SNEEZES]

And drag us to this frozen wasteland
in Norway in the middle of the night!

JESSICA:
I tell you, Jeff.

I can feel it in my frozen bones.

It's gonna be the scoop of the century!

We'd get a better scoop
at an ice cream parlor.

Ah, come on, Jeff.

This Viking ghost ship sounds
like real front-page stuff to me.

Why, according to this late edition
of the Norway News,

Spider-Woman saw the ship rise
right out of the sea floor!

Since when do you read Norwegian, Billy?

Besides, Spider-Woman is probably
just after a little publicity.

Why, I'll bet there isn't even
any ghost ship at all.

[CHAIN WHIRRING]

MAN:
We've hooked on to something!

Haul her up!

No ship, huh, smarty?

Uh...

Come on.
Let's get on board and have a look.

[CRACKLING]

WOMAN:
I can hardly believe it.

It's the most incredible
archeological find of all time!

Start snapping
those pictures of yours, Jeff.

The greatest archeological find
of the century

will make the greatest scoop
of the century.

Sure, sure.

[SHUTTER CLICKING]

[CREAKS]

Hmm...

I wonder what's down here.

I hope there's no ghosts
in this ghost ship.

Far out!
I found some sort of treasure chest.

[CREAKS]

I can't open it.

I better bring it topside.

There. I got all the pictures
we'll need, Jessica.

Now, how about we go back to the hotel,
and you and I get a nice hot dinner?

Aunt Jessica, look what I found!

Grr. Something tells me my hot meal
just turned into a frozen dinner.

Pretty neat, huh?
I discovered it in the ship's hold.

Let's find out what's in it.

Oh, no.

JESSICA:
My spider-sense is warning me

that the contents of the box are deadly.

Stop! Don't open that box!

JEFF: Why not?
-It could be dangerous.

JEFF:
There's nothing to be afraid of, Jessica.

Here, I'll show you.

It's just about open.

At last, we've been released!

Now we are free to conquer and plunder
this new world

until all its riches are ours!

Come on, Jessica.

I don't think
it's safe for you around here.

Unless I can find a way
to change into Spider-Woman,

it won't be safe for anyone around here.

Launch the ship!
I'll handle these puny ones.

[CRACKLING]

Someone's got to save these people
from this freezing water,

and Spider-Woman's the one to do it.

A couple of spider lifelines
should do the trick.

[CRACKLING]

[THUNDER RUMBLING]

Thundering tarantulas!
These guys don't want to give me a rest.

We made it!

Yeah, out of the frying pan
and into the fire! Look!

[RUMBLING]

I think it's time for some of my wondrous
web-weaving.

Another few seconds, and that village
would have had a lifetime's supply of ice

delivered free of charge.

Now that it's safe, I better spider-split.

I wonder what stopped that avalanche.

Wait a second, Jeff. Where's Aunt Jessica?

Oh, no. There she is.

Aunt Jessica! Are you all right?

Other than being a bit water-logged,
I guess so.

That does it, Jessica.

How many times have I got to save you

before you realize
this business is too rough for a woman?

[SNEEZES]

Aunt Jessica, look!
The Viking ship is getting away!

Danger or no danger,
we've got to do something.

But, Jessica!

Quick, into the jet-copter.

Rodin, scanners indicate treasure below.

RODIN:
The wealth of that city will soon be ours.

Drop anchor.

[CLANKS]

Halt! You cannot enter
the Tower of London.

Stand back, or feel the wrath
of my cosmic thunderbolt!

[CRACKLING]

[WHIRRING]

Be warned! No one approaches
the queen's crown jewels!

[GRUNTING]

The jewels belong to the Vikings now!

JESSICA:
Those ghostly plunderers

have stolen the crown jewels!

I've got to find a way to stop them.

It's no good, Jessica.
We've lost the ghost ship.

BILLY:
Nice going, Jeff.

Now we'll never find them.

Maybe we will, Billy.

I have a hunch they're over London.

We'll need more than a hunch.
They could be anywhere!

You may be right, Jeff.
Now drop me off on the highway below.

I'll get our photos to the airports
and get us some assistance.

Good idea, Jessica.
You'll be a lot safer down on the ground.

Pick me up in an hour, and be sure
to get some good pictures over London.

Yeah, sure. London.

[SNEEZES]

Now to go after those Vikings...

At spider speed.

BILLY:
Holy cow! Aunt Jessica was right!

You'd better move in close
for some good shots.

Oh, I don't think
that's a good idea, Billy.

I... I mean, you'd be safer if we stayed
at a distance and used the telephoto.

BILLY:
Jeff! Look, it's Spider-Woman!

Rodin, prepare to take on treasure!

You'll have to take on me, first.

That will be a pleasure, pale one.

You won't be so happy
when you're wrapped up in my spider lines.

Oh, no.
What a time to run out of web fluid.

Oh, no! Spider-Woman's in trouble!

My venom blast will cool that
Viking temper of yours.

[ZAPPING]

[CRACKLING]

Take her below!

Throw her into Valhammer's
magic time chest.

[CREAKS]

VIKING:
We'll have no more trouble from her!

[VIKING LAUGHING]

[WHIRRING]

Jumping spider webs! Where on earth am I?

I think I better take
a spidery surveillance.

Sounds like someone's
doing a little partying.

ALL:
Valhammer!

Silence!

Good news comes from my magic mirror.

It seems the three Vikings
I sent to raid the future

are having far greater success
than I ever suspected.

VALHAMMER:
In their ghostly future form,

they are unstoppable!

Valhammer, if the wealth is so great,
the taking of it so easy,

why don't we all go into the future
and take over this new world?

An excellent idea, Orik.

We shall do just that.

But what of this clever spider-like woman
that Rodin has made warning of?

You wouldn't be referring to me,
would you?

It's the spider warrior!

Stop her!

[WEAPON CRACKLING]

You have met your end, stranger!

Speaking of ends, mind if I take this one?

[THUDS]

[GROANS]

I'll stop her.

No, she's mine to destroy!

[BOTH GRUNTING]

Gee, I've never had two men
fighting over me before.

You're an excellent warrior, stranger,
but you made one fatal mistake.

[CREAKS]

[GROWLING]

I hope you enjoy my ravenous pets.

I'm certain they'll enjoy you.

[LAUGHS]

VALHAMMER:
Belik, prepare the Viking fleet

for a conquest of the future!

JEFF:
It's 2:00 a.m.

Jessica was supposed to be here
a half-hour ago.

Maybe something happened to her!

Nah. She probably decided to stop at some
heated hotel while we freeze out here.

Jeff, look! It's the Viking ghost ship!

Maybe they kidnapped Aunt Jessica.

JEFF:
I guess there's only one way to find out.

[GROWLING]

This hanging around makes me think
I'm in the wrong business.

[GROWLING]

One more raid, and we return to the past.

That city below looks to possess
a king's ransom!

VIKING:
Aye.

Drop anchor!

[CRACKLING]

They'll soon know the fury of the Vikings.

They've left the ship.
Now's our chance to check it out.

JEFF:
Wait a second.

-How are we going to get up there?
-Follow me.

Jessica better be around here somewhere.

I don't like getting scared to death
for nothing!

BILLY:
Wow!

There must be a zillion dollars' worth
of loot down here.

Yeah, but not a sign of Jessica anywhere.

[JEFF SNEEZES]

I gotta do something about this cold.

This is the box
those Vikings popped out of.

And there seems to be some sort of
sticky web stuff on it.

Hmm.

I wonder if...

[DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES]

Oh, no. The Vikings are back!

Dump it into the hold.

[WHISPERS]
We'd better find a way out, and fast!

It's time to go home to the past!

[WHIRRING]

Wait! It's Valhammer!

VALHAMMER:
We have a change of plans.

Do not return to the past.

I shall bring the entire Viking fleet
into the future,

and we will conquer the new world!

Open the magic chest, and the warrior
fleet will come through the time warp.

VIKING:
Aye, Valhammer.

Conquer the world? We gotta do something

Yeah. Quick! Help me with this box.

When Valhammer
and the rest of our warriors arrive,

the riches of this world will be ours!

The time chest, it's gone!

When I get my hands on the scoundrels
who stole it,

they'll wish they'd never been born!

Thanks.

[SNEEZES]

There they are, Rodin!

Catch them!

Let's get out of here!

Quick! Toss it overboard!

They're getting away!

[HELICOPTER BLADES WHIRRING]

Hang on!

Hoist anchor!

We're going after them!

The time has come to conquer the future.

ALL:
Get ready for the Vikings!

What's happened, Valhammer?

The time chest must be closed.

Until it's open, we can't get
through to the new world!

My sticky spider pads are slipping off
this sooty chandelier.

[GROWLING]

If I can just squeeze out another
few drops of my web fluid... Oh!

Sorry to spoil
your dinner arrangements, fellas.

SPIDER-WOMAN:
Galloping garden spiders!

Billy and Jeff are in trouble!
I've gotta move fast.

[THUDS]

[WEAPON CRACKLING]

Look! The spider warrior has escaped!

Step on it, Jeff. They're gaining on us!

We're closing in.

Ready the light harpoon.

[WHIRRING]

What was that?

I don't know.

But something tells me we're going
to find out whether we want to or not.

JEFF:
Hey! We're losing power!

BILLY:
Oh, no! They're reeling us in!

I've got to get back to the present.

VIKING:
There she is!

She's headed for the magic mirror!

Block the mirror!
She must not get through.

Four against one, huh?

A double venom blast
should even the score.

[WHIRRING]

After her!

So you think you can steal from
the Vikings and get away with it?

You'll soon see why we are feared
as ruthless Norsemen!

Tie them to the anchor chain.

[KNOCKING]

The time chest!

Valhammer and the warrior fleet
must be ready to conquer the new world!

The spider warrior!

Sorry, pal.

I've got enough to take care of
without you bugging me.

Stop her!

Oops!

I think I jumped too far.

[WEAPON CRACKLING]

There's no escape for you now.

I've got you this time.

Whoa!

Looks like I've fallen into sudden wealth.

We have her now!

No!

Now that those villainous Vikings are back
where they came from,

a high-powered venom blast
will keep them there.

[WHIRRING]

Atta way to give it to them, Spider-Woman!
You're the greatest!

Without you, we would have been lost!

Speaking of lost,
I wonder where Jessica is.

Don't worry.

If my spider-sense is correct, you'll find
her at the Norge Hotel in Sweden.

SPIDER-WOMAN:
I can't wait to get there and take a rest.

JEFF:
I don't understand you, Jessica.

I thought you were going to get help
and meet us back at the copter.

You weren't there when I returned,

so I came back to Stockholm
to cover the Nobel Prize conference.

You mean you were lying here like a queen
while I almost bit the dust,

stopping those ruthless Vikings
and their time chest?

Oh! Thanks for reminding me.
Look what I found.

Stop! Don't open that chest!

[CREAKS]

I found it in an antique shop
in the hotel lobby.

I couldn't resist it. [GIGGLES]