01x05 - The Kingpin Strikes Again

[bunniefuu]

MAN: Look, up on the building!
It's Spider-Woman!

NARRATOR: And this is Jessica Drew,

who as a child,
while visiting her father's laboratory,

was bitten by a poisonous spider.

Forced to try an untested spider serum,

Dr. Drew not only saved
his daughter's life,

but unknowingly gave her
incredible spider-like powers.

Dedicated to fighting evil
while weaving her web of justice,

it's Spider-Woman!

[ROARING]

Well?

The bank's right over our heads, Kingpin.

Excellent.

With my infallible planning,
this heist should net us a cool million.

[CHOMPING]

You know what to do, boys.

[DRILLING]

Quick, to the vault.

[METAL CLANKING]

Ah... How delightful.

Robbing banks is getting so easy.

It's almost criminal.

Speaking of criminals, Kingpin,
your little crime spree is over.

Whatever you say, spider-lady.

Give her the cash, Bouncer.

[JANGLING]
Sure, boss.

I'm afraid I'll have to bounce your check.

[GROANS]

I'll take care of her, boss.

My spidery web spiral
will snag that gangster.

[WHIRRING]

[MUFFLED SHOUTING]

Who says money can't grow on trees?

This'll shake her up.

[DRILLING]

Trembling tarantulas! I can't hold on.
[GROANS]

You won't be bothering us no more.

Well, now, if you don't mind,

we'll continue with our little heist,
spider-lady.

I do mind.

And the name's Spider-Woman,
if it's anything to you.

It isn't. [LAUGHS]

[COINS JANGLING]

I'll put you behind bars
if it's the last thing I do, Kingpin.

I'm afraid not, spider-lady.
No one's ever going to catch me,

because I'm the greatest criminal mind
of all times.

[LAUGHING]

JESSICA:
That no-good Kingpin has struck again.

Wow. And according to this headline,

Spider-Woman said he got away
with a million dollars.

The Kingpin claims to have
a concrete alibi.

Says he was eating dinner
at Madame Wong's.

Boy, Spider-Woman sure is baffled.

-I sure am.
-What did you say, Jessica?

Well, I, uh, I said I sure am glad
I'm not in Spider-Woman's shoes.

Don't worry, Aunt Jessica,
you'll never be.

Well, maybe not.

But if we can get some good hard evidence
on that Kingpin character,

we may be able to help Spider-Woman
put him in the slammer.

JESSICA: Spinning spider-senses,

I'm picking up a strong image
of the Kingpin.

I've got to get the goods on that bad guy
before he robs the city blind.

JEFF: Come on, Jessica. It's lunch time.

How about you and I grabbing
a bite to eat?

BILLY: No way. Aunt Jessica promised
to take me out for a hotdog.

Hey, Billy, remember those World Series
tickets I said I was getting?

Well, you go get a hotdog
by yourself today,

and I'll let you come to the game with me.

No, thanks. I'd rather watch it on TV.
Let's go, Aunt Jessica.

Sorry, Billy.
I've got a lot of work to do.

I'm devoting the next issue
of Justice Magazine

to an exposé on the Kingpin.

-But, Jessica...
-Sorry.

Aww. Come on, Billy.
I'll buy you a hotdog.

Hey, Kingpin, listen to this article
in Justice Magazine.

It says here that "the Kingpin is
the biggest crook in the world."

It goes on to say
that your greatness is "in size only,

and that if your brains
was as big as your stomach,

you "might rank
with the other two-bit crooks."

What?

SHORTY: The editor of
this here magazine, a Jessica Drew,

says that she's gonna get the goods on you
and see that you're put behind bars.

KINGPIN:
Give me that.

Mmm, that's it.

What's it, boss?

Didn't you read this article?

Sure, boss. It said
you was a big bumbling crook, and you...

No, you fool.

This article
on the government's new invisibility ray.

I can use it
to get that meddling Jessica Drew.

Then we'll create
the crime wave of the century.

Get me that ray,
then meet me tonight at Justice Magazine.

ALL:
Right, boss.

We're all set, boss.
The invisible ray is ready.

That's fine.

Let me have it.

[WHIRRING]

[KINGPIN LAUGHS]

KINGPIN: It works.

Now I'll take care of Jessica Drew
once and for all.

JEFF: It's awfully late, Jessica.

Don't you think it's time
you wrapped it up?

Well, uh, just a few more minutes, Jeff.

I'm in the middle of this
follow-up article on the Kingpin story.

Well, whatever you say.
Meet us in the lobby when you're done.

Come on, Jeff.
I'll play you some cards for paper clips.

Sure.

JESSICA: Oh, no.
I'm getting another spider sense.

Someone has stolen the invisibility ray.

In the wrong hands,
that device could spell disaster.

I've got to find out who took it.

There's no time to waste.

I've got to spider change and get over
to that government research center.

KINGPIN:
Well, never would have believed it,

Jessica Drew is Spider-Woman.

JEFF: Uh, hit me.

Oh... Hit me again.

BILLY: That's it, Jeff, I wiped you out.

Ah, beginner's luck.

You're lucky Aunt Jessica taught me
never to play for money.

Speaking of Jessica,
it's been over a half hour. Where is she?

Jessica? What took you so...?

Say, did you hear the news?
The experimental invisibility ray that

the government was working on was stolen.
[PHONE RINGING]

Well, there's nothing
we can do about it now.

Ms. Drew, there's a telephone call for you
on line seven.

Oh, thanks, Mike.

-Hello?
-KINGPIN [OVER PHONE]: Hello, Ms. Drew.

Or should I say spider-lady?

Who is this? What do you want?

This is the bumbling crook

about whom you wrote
that maligning news article.

Only it looks like
you're the one who's bumbling now.

And unless you meet me in five minutes
at the Willard's Natural Foods warehouse,

I'll reveal your secret identity
to the world. [LAUGHS]

Aunt Jessica, are you okay?

Do me a favor, Jeff,
and take Billy home for me, will you?

Come on, Billy. Let's go.

[TIRES SCREECH THEN DOOR OPENS]

That conniving Kingpin has
probably set a trap for me.

I've gotta be super careful.

Slippery spiders,
I can't stick to this honey.

[THUDS]

KINGPIN: Well, well, well.
I've been expecting you, spider-lady.

[WHIRRING]

The invisibility ray works quite well,
don't you think?

I think I'm gonna wrap you up
in a spider web, is what I think.

Bouncer, take care of spider-lady.

[WHIRRING]

You're a good reporter, Ms. Drew,

but as a superhero,
you have a lot to learn. [LAUGHS]

I should have guessed you were the one
who stole the invisibility ray.

That's correct.

With you out of the way for good,
and with that marvelous invisibility ray,

I'll soon start
the greatest crime wave of the century.

But first,
I have a little surprise for you.

SHORTY:
We're all set, Kingpin.

KINGPIN:
In just a few seconds, Ms. Drew,

the world will know your true identity.

[KINGPIN LAUGHS]

Kingpin, wait! You can't do it!

Say goodbye to your secret, Ms. Drew.

Ladies and gentlemen of the world,

Jessica Drew,
editor of Justice Magazine,

is the true identity
of your beloved Spider-Woman.

Hey, Mabel, did you hear that?
Jessica Drew is Spider-Woman!

[BEEPING RAPIDLY]

I've just received this urgent bulletin.

The nefarious Kingpin,
world-renowned criminal...

MALE REPORTER: ...has revealed that
Ms. Jessica Drew is in fact Spider-Woman.

I say, Henry,
this could mean trouble, you know.

[LAUGHS]

Come on, boys.
We've got crimes to commit.

Frozen web fluid!

With my hands tied, there's no way
for me to use my spider powers.

And if I don't stop
that food-pilfering fiend,

there's no telling what he'll do next.

Hey, Jeff, have you seen Aunt Jessica?
She never came home last night.

I'm not surprised, Billy. Look.

I don't believe it!

Aunt Jessica is Spider-Woman?

Welcome to the
International Jewelers Convention.

KINGPIN: Excuse me.

[CHOMPS]

I must need some time off.

KINGPIN:
In a few seconds, Shorty,

I will be the new owner
of the $3,000,000 Gavastall necklace.

SHORTY: But, boss, it's guarded!
And there's an alarm on it!

KINGPIN:
Alarm?

What does the greatest criminal
in the world care about alarms?

[ALARM WAILING]

The necklace! There it goes!

GUARD:
Stop!

BILLY: I still don't believe it.
Aunt Jessica can't be Spider-Woman.

I'm afraid it's true, Billy.
She's Spider-Woman, all right.

Oh, I just can't believe it!

You mean my Spider-Woman autograph is
really just Aunt Jessica's signature?

Wait a minute.

If Aunt Jessica hasn't returned yet,
she must be in big trouble!

BILLY: There may be something
on the police radio.

[RADIO SWITCHES ON]
MALE OPERATOR: Attention all units.

211 in progress
at the International Jewelers Convention.

It's believed to be the Kingpin
and his men.

Use caution.

The Kingpin? He's the one
Jessica wrote that exposé on!

BILLY: Step on it, Jeff!
He may be able to lead us to Aunt Jessica.

Er, I mean, Spider-Woman.

COOPER: [USING MEGAPHONE]
All right, Kingpin. This is the police.

You may be invisible,
but we've got you surrounded.

We do have him surrounded, don't we?

I think so, chief.

I don't see any sign
of Aunt Jessica around here.

Just keep your eyes open, Billy.

With the Kingpin in the vicinity,
there's no telling what we might run into.

KINGPIN: Well, if it isn't
Jessica Drew's faithful companions.

You two will make excellent hostages.

Bouncer, get them.

-Hey, wait!
-Let go!

[CAR DOOR CLOSES]

KINGPIN: All right, coppers.

I've got Jessica Drew's nephew
and photographer.

Open the roadblock, or they get it.

[SIREN WAILING]

TRUCKER: Hiya, Joe. I'm here to pick up
that meat for Barney's Burger.

Right.

[CRACKLING]

MAN:
Spider-Woman?

[SHIVERING]
I heard there was a meat shortage,

but don't you think
this is going a bit far?

JESSICA:
Great arachnids!

My spider-sense tells me
Billy and Jeff are in trouble.

KINGPIN: Now I'm gonna take on
the U.S. Treasury itself.

Then I'll take care of you two.

[LAUGHS]

I've got to figure out a way
to stop that bloated bandit.

But first, there's one other thing
I've got to take care of.

All right, Ralph, that's one billion.
Take this over to shipping.

Will do.

KINGPIN:
All right, boys.

When we leave here,
we'll be the richest crooks in the world.

And remember, nothing smaller than $100s.

BOUNCER:
Uh, right, boss.

HENCHMAN: This is as easy
as stealing candy from a baby.

Help! Sound the alarm!

[ALARM WAILING]

You may be invisible, Kingpin,
but you're not invincible.

KINGPIN: It's Spider-Woman.
Take care of her, boys.

SHORTY:
Hold it right there, Spider-Woman.

One wrong move, and you're through.

In that case, I'll make sure
I make the right move.

BOUNCER: Not so fast, spider-lady!

I'd better wrap up
this oversized invisible hood

before he wrinkles my spider-suit.

[WHIRRING]

KINGPIN:
Nice try, Spider-Woman.

But let's see how good you are
at saving your friends.

JEFF: It's no use, Billy!
These doors are locked from the outside!

KINGPIN: You're about to go
on a nice little joyride, boys.

-Help! Spider-Woman!
-Aunt Jessica!

Thundering web-lines!

Billy and Jeff are headed straight
for the Potomac River.

I just hope my spider-line is fast enough.

[TIRES SQUEAL]

JESSICA: No time for thanks.
I've gotta take care of the Kingpin.

KINGPIN: Come on, boys.
Let's hightail it back to the hideout.

You're not going anywhere, Kingpin.

KINGPIN:
Forget it, Spider-Woman.

If you can't see us,
you'll never be able to catch us. [LAUGHS]

You're right, Kingpin.
But I've got a little surprise for you.

You didn't count on the purple dye I put
into my venom blast.

You may have caught me, Spider-Woman,
but I'll have the last laugh.

With every crook on Earth
knowing your true identity,

you and your friends
will never be safe again.

JESSICA:
That's what you think, Kingpin.

I'm afraid you made a mistake
about Spider-Woman's true identity.

But thanks for the compliment.

But... But I saw you. You're Spider-Woman!

I mean, you're...

Jessica Drew!

Oh...

Now that the Kingpin's in prison,

I can wrap up
another successful cover story!

And I have to admit,
I'm glad I don't have to live up

to being Spider-Woman anymore.

Oh, come on, Jessica.
You don't think for a moment

we fell for that bunk
about you being Spider-Woman?

[LAUGHS] Aunt Jessica?
Spider-Woman? How ridiculous.

Let's go, Jeff.

Maybe Aunt Jessica wants to be alone
so she can change into her super-suit.

[BILLY LAUGHS]

-Hi, Jessica.
-Hello, Spider-Woman.

I guess you won't be needing my help
for a while.

My batteries could use a rest.

Now the secret's just between you and me.