01x09 - Shuttle to Disaster

[bunniefuu]

MAN: Look, up on the building!
It's Spider-Woman!

NARRATOR:
And this is Jessica Drew,

who as a child
while visiting her father's laboratory,

was bitten by a poisonous spider.

Forced to try an untested spider serum,

Dr. Drew not only saved
his daughter's life,

but unknowingly
gave her incredible spider-like powers.

Dedicated to fighting evil
while weaving her web of justice,

it's Spider-Woman!

[GROWLING]

[GRUNTS]

I'll take care of the moon rocks.
You know what to do.

[CREAKING]

We're all set, Bern.
Let's get out of here.

Bern, look.

BERN: I never knew they had a
Spider-Woman statue in the Smithsonian.

They don't. Hand over those moon rocks.

You'll have to catch us first.

You're gonna play hard-to-get, huh?

Now to stop those two moon-rock robbers
with a million-year-old trick.

Oh, no!

Thanks for the help, old pal.

I don't think we'll be having
any more trouble from those two.

These moon rocks are safe now.

[STEELJAW LAUGHING]

That's right, spider-fool,
they always have been.

Spider-Woman fell for your
moon-rock scheme, Steeljaw.

She never suspected
it was a map we were after.

Excellent.

That mineral survey map of the moon
is the last thing we need.

We can now proceed with Operation Moongem.

[LAUGHING]

Golly, Aunt Jessica,
I always knew I'd be a spaceman someday.

Stop fooling around, Billy.

We've gotta leave for Cape Canaveral
in five minutes.

Right. NASA was nice enough to invite us

on the first space shuttle flight
to carry civilians.

It'll be the greatest story
Justice Magazine has ever covered.

Just wait till my friends hear
that I was the first kid in orbit.

Pretty exciting, huh?

And I'll be the first civilian woman
in space.

Hey, what about me?
I should be the first at something too.

Don't worry, Jeff.

You can be the first person
not to be the first at anything in space.

MALE ANNOUNCER:
Space shuttle loading now in progress.

T-minus 10 minutes and counting.

All civilian passengers,
please board shuttle at Gantry A.

Wow. Look at the size of that thing.

JESSICA:
How does it ever get off the ground?

JEFF: I don't know.

But when I think about orbiting


I sort of hope
it never gets off the ground.

JESSICA: Oh, no, this is the wrong
time to be getting a spider-sense.

It looks like someone's trying
to steal the space shuttle's cargo.

Come on. We'd better get onboard.

[STAMMERING] Uh, no, wait a minute,
I just remembered something.

I think I left my suntan lotion
in the jet-copter.

Forget it, Jessica.

What could you possibly need suntan lotion
for in outer space?

Uh, well, who knows? I might get sunspots.

But, Jessica,
we're launching in five minutes.

The coast is clear. Now here goes nothing.

This is the last of the cargo.
I'll get the truck ready.

It's Spider-Woman. Let's get out of here.

I'm afraid your hijacking
high jinks are over.

[VEHICLE APPROACHING]

Oh, no.

I think I'd better jump.

Suffering spider threads!

My foot is stuck under that cable.

I've got to stop these cargo-nappers

and get back to the shuttle
before it launches.

Wait a minute.

I think I know how to free myself,

and stop those hoods at the same time.

She's free. Let's get out of here.
[TIRES SCREECH]

They won't get away that easily.

MALE ANNOUNCER:
All personnel, clear the launch area.

T-minus 60 seconds and counting.

Uh-oh. No time for those th*gs now.

I've gotta get that cargo
onto the shuttle.

[LEVER CREAKING]

MALE ANNOUNCER:
T-minus 10 seconds and counting.

Nine, eight...

Uh-oh. I'd better get moving
at super spider speed.

MALE ANNOUNCER: Six, five...

Gosh, it's too late.
Aunt Jessica's missed the flight.

What you worried about, Billy?
I made it with plenty of time to spare.

[ENGINES RUMBLING]

This is Space Shuttle 11
to Mission Control.

We are in Earth orbit.

So far, so good. Follow me.

Roger, Control,
all systems are functioning.

Everything is A-okay.

I think I'll check on our passengers.

STEELJAW: You needn't bother.

They're in just as much trouble
as you are.

Store them away for safekeeping.

[LAUGHING]

STEELJAW: And a short detour to the moon.
[RAPID BEEPING]

Hey, what's going on?

Everyone stay in their seats.

You're all getting a free trip
to the moon.

The moon? Oh, no, we're doomed.

Quiet!

If you want to see Earth again,

you won't try anything foolish.

JESSICA: Sizzling space-jackers!

I've gotta think of something fast.

Hmm. This emergency seat release
should do the trick. [CREAKING]

[SEAT WHIRRING] Aunt Jessica?

Time for some spacey spider action.

We're right on course, Steeljaw.

Good. Everything is going
according to plan.

SPIDER-WOMAN:
But not for long, metal-mouth.

Spider-Woman?

Your scheme is finished.

That's what you think, Spider-Woman!

Say goodbye, Spider-Woman,

before I launch you into space.

This space helmet's my only chance.

Pleasant journey.

[LAUGHING]

I'd better think of something before
I drift off into the great cosmic nowhere.

Spiraling space spiders! I've got it.

It worked!

Now to venom-blast off
back to the space shuttle.

Prepare for lunar landing.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

I don't believe it.
We've landed on the moon!

Yeah. Too bad there's no green cheese
for those rats who hijacked us.

Hey, we gotta get Aunt Jessica.

MAN: Quiet!

All passengers will put on their
space suits and await further orders.

An unplanned trip to the moon
is one thing,

but this has gone too far.

Aunt Jessica!

Where have you been?

Well, uh, I was just checking
to see if there's any way out of here.

-What did you find out?
- Nothing.

STEELJAW: And that's all you will find.

Because there is no escape.

Now you are all going to help me mine

the riches of the moon.

I've had enough.

We've been at this for hours.

I don't know.

Seems to me this job has its good points.

JESSICA: Jumping moongems!
I'm getting a spider-sense.

And unless I'm getting space-happy,

I think I've figured a way
out of this mess.

Come on, Aunt Jessica.
We'd better keep shoveling.

No. Wait a minute.

If my memory is correct, there should be
an Apollo landing site not far from here.

Hey, I got a great idea.

We can sneak away to that landing site
and radio for help.

Great idea, Jeff.
I wish I'd thought of it.

Follow me.

Hurry up and dump those gems,
then get back in the mine.

Quick! Let's get out of here.

Hey, you! Stop!

This is Wells at Mine Number Four.
There's been an escape.

We've got to get to the landing site
before they catch up with us.

That way!

Uh-oh. I think we're being followed.

The landing site's just ahead.

-Quick, we've got to find the radio.
-There's no time.

Steeljaw's ore truck will grind us
into moon dust before we ever find it.

Maybe not. Look.

BILLY: Golly. It's the Lunar Rover.

Hurry, Steeljaw.
They're getting into that moon car.

Don't worry. They won't get far.

[LAUGHING]

Come on. Let's get out of here.

Oh, no. I think the battery's dead.

What did you expect?

No one's taken it around the block
in eight years.

Come on. Start!

JESSICA:
I think it's time for a spider recharge.

[BATTERY PULSATING]

Don't look now,
but I think we're being tailgated.

[WHIRRING]

Uh-oh. Dead end.

Oh, my gosh. We just lost Aunt Jessica.

[THUDS]

That's not all we've lost.

STEELJAW: Your girlfriend is finished.

Take them back to the mines.

[LAUGHING]

This little game is getting too rough
for Jessica Drew.

It's time for Spider-Woman to take charge.

Steeljaw, look! It's that Spider-Woman!
She's back!

Cats, they have nine lives.

But I'll soon prove that spiders
have only two.

[LAUGHING]

SPIDER-WOMAN: I don't know
if I can hold this much longer.

Now to weld the mine shut.

Spider-Woman's sealed
into that shaft for good.

Round up the passengers
and load the gems into the shuttle.

We've got enough riches
to last a hundred lifetimes.

It's no use.

I haven't got enough venom power left
to cut through the rock.

There's got to be a way out of here.

Great arachnids! That's it!

This diamond web-drill
will cut me out of here.

[WHIRRING]

Sizzling space shuttles!

It's taking off without me.

My spider slingshot
will launch me into lunar orbit.

[WEB STRETCHING]

We've done it, gentlemen.

Operation Moongem is a complete success.

STEELJAW: Spider-Woman! It can't be!

The retro-rockets will shake her off.

[STAMMERING]:Those jittering jets
have given me an idea.

If my course corrections are correct,

this should wind those moon-rakers
up in the brig.

Rockets are jammed!
I can't control the ship!

Now to crawl inside
and enjoy a quiet ride home.

Sergeant, put those space-jackers
under military arrest.

On the double.

Call out the reserves, general.

My aunt Jessica was left back on the moon.

You've gotta send another space shuttle
up immediately!

-Hi, fellas.
-Aunt Jessica!

-Are you all right?
JESSICA: Sure.

Like I always said,
diamonds are a girl's best friend.

JESSICA:
And a spider's best friend too.