01x15 - Return of the Spider-Queen

[bunniefuu]

MAN: Look, up on the building!
It's Spider-Woman!

NARRATOR: And this is Jessica Drew who,

as a child while visiting
her father's laboratory,

was bitten by a poisonous spider.

Forced to try an untested spider serum,

Dr. Drew not only saved
his daughter's life,

but unknowingly gave her
incredible spider-like powers.

Dedicated to fighting evil

while weaving her web of justice,

it's Spider-Woman!

[ROARING]

The lake, she's a calm one tonight,
eh, Casey?

Aye, the waters of Loch Ness
are a might beautiful.

CASEY: Bronkley, did you see that ripple
in the loch a ways out?

No. I didn't see nothing.

CASEY: Something's amiss.
The lake is getting choppy.

Whoa! What's happening?

[ROARING]

It's the Loch Ness monster!

Help!

Sinister sea serpents.

My spider-sense was right.

I just hope I'm in time.

[ROARS]

Uh-oh. That guy's got quite an appetite.

Now to cast out a spider line
and catch me a whopper.

Sizzling spider springs,

I'm about to be sprung.

Okay, big boy, say, "Ah!"

[ROARS]

I can't hardly believe it.

I always thought the Loch Ness monster
was just a myth.

If that was a myth,
I'd hate to fight a real monster.

Thanks for saving us, lass.

But who are you anyway?

I sure hope the guys haven't noticed
Jessica's absence.

Only three more seconds to go.

Aunt Jessica's gonna be late
for work again.

Ah-ha! I was right.

JESSICA:
Sorry, Billy, you were wrong.

I made it with a second to spare.

Maybe so. But I bet you didn't read
this morning's paper.

The Loch Ness monster was spotted
in Scotland last night.

-Oh, yeah?
-BILLY: Yeah.

And Spider-Woman saved a boat
from the monster's creepy clutches.

Is that right?

JEFF: Oh, Come on. You don't believe
all that Loch Ness monster stuff?

We're going to Scotland and check it out,
aren't we, Aunt Jessica?

You bet, Billy.

A picture of that character would make
a great cover for Justice Magazine.

Come on, let's go.

Loch Ness monster.

[SCOFFS]

Next thing you know, we'll be looking
for little green Martians.

That's the third pass we've made
over Loch Ness, Jessica.

When do we give up this wild goose chase?

Not yet, Jeff.

Turn on the spotlight.

We'll make another low pass
over the water.

Good idea, Aunt Jessica.

And once I get this camera loaded,
we'll scare up some good pictures.

JESSICA: That is if the monster
doesn't scare us first.

We're wasting our time, Jessica.

I'm heading home before we run out of gas.

Just a few more minutes, Jeff.

I'm certain something's
gonna turn up soon.

[ROARING]

It's the Loch Ness monster!

[RUMBLING]

Oh, no! He's got us!

[ROARS]

Jeff, help!

-Jessica!
-Aunt Jessica fell out. Do something.

JEFF: I'd better release
the emergency raft.

Good thinking, guys.

Now for a quick spider change.

He's pulling us straight down
to the bottom.

We're done for!

JESSICA: The monster's taken
Billy and Jeff into that underwater cave.

I've got to hurry.

Wondrous web weavers,

it's a subterranean cavern.

I think it's time for some super-duper
spider spinning.

BILLY: Look, it's Spider-Woman.
We're saved!

This is our chance. Hang on.

JESSICA: Now, that's what I call
a monster-size straightjacket.

[ROARS]

Spider-Woman, are we glad you're here.

Boy, that strange ray stopped
the monster just in time, Spider-Woman.

I wonder where it came from.

Yes, where did it come from?

TERRANIAN: It came from here,
surface dweller.

Who are you?

No questions.

You are our prisoners.

Now march.

Well, what is it
you disturb me with this time?

Forgive us, O great spider king,

but we caught these three
trying to enter Terran.

They got past the monster
that guards the entrance to our world.

You're making a big mistake.

Our arrival here was an accident.

Great spider webs, it's you!

Who, me?

At long last, the one written of
in our legend has arrived.

Hail to the spider queen.

We have waited thousands of years
for your arrival.

Now, as our great book tells us,

you shall lead our spider people

to conquer the upper world.

Have you flipped your spider eggs?

I don't know what you're talking about.

These surface dwellers
have brainwashed our queen.

Take them away!

But... But we're innocent.

Not so fast, you spider flunkies.

Come on, let's get out of here.

Do not fear, my spider queen.

We shall restore your true knowledge.

I tell you, you've got the wrong spider.

Let me go!

Try to relax, my queen.

In a few moments, your mind will be clear.

My mind is clear.

You're the one with the clouded
spider brains.

Hey! [COUGHING]

I can't... [COUGHS] breathe!

Where... Where am I?

You are in your domain,

the spider world of Terran.

You are the spider queen,

come to rule our people.

No,

I'm Spider-Woman,

defender of justice.

You are the spider queen.

You've come to lead us to victory
over the upper world.

No. Spider-Woman!

You are the spider queen!

You are the spider queen!

You are the spider queen!

JESSICA: Yes.

Yes,

I've come to lead you.

-TERRANIANS: Hail to the spider queen!
-JESSICA: I am the spider queen.

TERRANIANS: Hail to the spider queen.
Hail to the spider queen.

Silence!

The spider kingdom of Terran
has waited centuries for this moment.

Now that our spider queen is with us,

our legend has come true.

The time has come for us to open

the secret wall of battle

that has been closed for 1,000 years.

Open the secret wall!

Behold,

the ancient dragon tank,

with which we shall be victorious

over the upper world.

Spider people of Terran,

with our spider queen to lead us,

we shall take the ancient dragon tank
to the surface

and conquer the upper world.

All that we need is fuel

to power the great machine.

The great book says that the spider queen

shall bring glowing energy from above.

Go to the upper world, my spider queen,

bring us this glowing energy.

Hey, you spider creeps,
let us out of here!

TERRANIAN: You will be set free

as soon as the Insectron

has transformed you into spider people.

[CACKLING]

Oh, no. Looks like this time
we're the specimens under glass.

Hey, what's going on?

GUARD:
Hold it right there, Spider-Woman.

This reactor core is off limits.

Excellent.

With this energy,

the ancient dragon tank
will soon come to life.

We are ready at long last.

Spider people of Terran,

follow me.

You have done well, my spider queen.

Now you will lead us to victory.

BILLY: We gotta...[COUGHING]

...do something before we're [COUGHS]
spider-ised.

Our only chance [COUGHS]

is to do some [COUGHS]

rocking and rolling.

Are you kidding? [COUGHS]

Who can dance at a time like this?

Who said anything about dancing? [COUGHS]

I said, "Rocking and rolling."

[GLASS SHATTERS]

Are you okay, Billy?

Come on. Let's get back to the jet-copter.

JEFF: Buckle up, Billy.
We're getting out of here.

Now that we've gotten off the ground,

how are we gonna get out of this cavern?

JEFF: That cave up ahead
is our only chance.

-[RUMBLING]
-MAN: It's an earthquake. Run!

What on Earth is it?

The surface dwellers are helpless.

The world will soon be ours.

[CACKLING]

Gosh, what are we doing in London?

SPIDER KING: Look, it's those two
surface people who tried to brainwash you.

Stop them!

Crush them in the grinder teeth.

Yes.

Wha... What's happening?

I'm getting a spider-sense.

Those two, I know them.

It's Billy and Jeff.

And I'm...

Jessica Drew.

What, an impostor?

You've tricked us!

Ah, that doesn't matter now.

The world is ours.

I don't need you anymore.

JESSICA: Wait!

I'm not just Jessica Drew.
I'm someone else also.

Got to remember before it's too late.

I was bitten by a spider.

I'm...

I'm Spider-Woman!

BILLY:
Look, it's Spider-Woman.

I've got to get Billy and Jeff
out of that mechanical monster's grasp.

It's no use.
I can't stop that dragon tank.

JESSICA: But I've got a spider idea
that should take care of everything.

[ROARS]

It's the monster.

Quick, sh**t him with the control ray!

I'll take that.

[ROARING]

JESSICA:
Now that you're in a more relaxed mood,

we've got a little job to do.

All right, spider king,

your spider queen
may have led you into battle,

but now Spider-Woman
is going to lead you to defeat.

Impudent fool,

my dragon tank will crush you like a bug.

Hey, you big rusty wreck,

why don't you pick on
someone your own size?

Like him.

Oh, no! It's the lake monster!

[SPLASHING]

Going somewhere?

I'll fix you, you spider impostor.

Now that the spider king
has been taken care of,

I've got some cobweb cleaning to do.

All right, you big, beautiful behemoth,

do your stuff.

Who says you can't find
decent help these days?

Now to get back to the life raft

before Billy and Jeff think I'm a goner.

BILLY: Golly!
Aunt Jessica's nowhere in sight.

I sure hope she's okay.

I think I see something. Hang on.

Aunt Jessica, am I glad you're okay.

Other than being a bit waterlogged,

I'm just dandy.

JEFF: Dandy? While you were taking
a midnight cruise,

I was risking my life battling an army
of vicious spider people,

not to mention out-maneuvering
the Loch Ness monster.

Oh, no! The monster's back! Take cover!

JESSICA:
Don't be silly, Jeff.

It's the Loch Ness trout.

[JESSICA LAUGHS]

[JESSICA LAUGHS]