01x04 - Market Forces

[bunniefuu]

[GASPS]

Don't like this.

Something's going down.

[GRUNTS]

Tri Corp dispatch,

this is transport 23.

Tri Corp, do you read

[GROANS]

There you go,

Hammerhead.

Job done.

Forget the hat.

Put on the suit.

You still owe

the Big Man

one friendly

neighborhood Spider-Man.

Livin' on the edge

Fighting crime

Spinning webs

Swingin' from

the highest ledge

He could leap

above our heads

Villains on the rise

And the city's victimized

Looking up

with no surprise

Arriving

in the speed of time

Spectacular

Spectacular Spider-Man

Spectacular

Spectacular Spider-Man

Spectacular

Spectacular

Spectacular Spider-Man

Spectacular

Spectacular Spider-Man

AUNT MAY: Peter, dear.

Are you up?

Come on, Mr. Lazybones.

[DOOR OPENING]Aunt May,

I'm not decent.

[LAUGHING]

All right.

Calm down.

There's breakfast

waiting downstairs.

I'll be at Mrs. Watson's.

[SIGHS]

Mmm. Waffles.

Bills.

Gas, phone, electric,

all past due.

Oh, good. You're up.

I've just been visiting

with Anna

and her niece

Mary Jane.

A lovely girl.

Peter, you must meet her.

Uh, what's she like?

Oh, she has

a wonderful personality.

[SHUDDERS]

She's there now.

Why don't we just

head over and

I'd love to, Aunt May,

but I promised Harry

I'd help him study,

and I can't miss

the bus. Bye.

[HORNS HONKING]

I so have to get me

some hands-free.

What?

Nothing, bro.

Just trying to do

too much at once.

You mean like selling

pictures to the Bugle

instead of helping

your friends?

Look. Straight up,

I blew it, and I know

you're ticked.

Don't go all emo

on me, bro.

I'll get over it.

Just back off

for a while.

Got it. And thanks.

Target spotted.

And target lost.

But he's

in the area, boss.

[ELEVATOR DINGS]

Peter, good

to see you.

Here to help

Harry, eh?

We help each other,

Mr. O.

Now, now, Peter.

Modesty doesn't

become men like us.

Smart. Driven.

Responsible.

Self-made.

I'm more of

a work in progress.

At least you're

making progress.

Mind if I check

my e-mail?

[SIGHS]

[BEEPS]

An e-vite

to Midtown High's

fall formal.

Which would rock

if either of us had

What's the word?

A date?

Could probably ask

Mary Jane Watson.

Mary who what, now?

Oh, this girl Aunt May

wants me to meet.

Oh, get this. She has

a wonderful personality.

[BOTH SHUDDER]I was thinking

about asking Gwen.

Just as a friend,

you know.

Well, actually,

I wouldn't know.

Miss Stacy's currently

not speaking to me.

[COMPUTER BEEPS]

"From the desk

of J. Jonah Jameson"?

Whoa. Publisher

of the Daily Bugle!

"Mr. Parker,

come in A.S.A.P.

"to claim paycheck

for photos of Spider-Man."

Yes!

Dude, sorry. I'll

be back in an hour.

Two, tops. Promise.Wait! What do I do

while you're gone?

Chapters one through six.

Review.

[GROANS]

JAMESON: Did a caveman

proofread this piece?

Where's my

sports editor?

I want him in my office

in 14 seconds.

And where's my coffee?

[STAMMERING]

Sir, I'm Peter

I know who you are!

You're the know-nothing

who wasted 41 seconds

of my time the other day!

Well, I haven't got

another 41 to spare.

But ButBrilliant comeback, kid.

Now where's

that Parker guy?

I e-mailed him

76 minutes ago!

Won't anybody get me

my coffee?

Coffee. Decaf.

It's only been

20 minutes.

And I'm pretty sure

you just kicked

Peter Parker out.

Well, don't just

stand there.

Get him back!

[GRUMBLING]

Oh, that wasn't

too humiliating.

Wait. My money!

Sorry about that, Parker.

I was expecting someone

old enough to have,

you know, armpit hair.

[LAUGHS]

Now, that costumed freak

sells papers,

so I want another set of pics

in my hands by deadline.

You got two hours.

[STAMMERING]

I'll do my best, but

You still here?

What do you want,

a medal? Get out!

Out!

BETTY: I'll cut

that check for you, Peter.

Thanks, Miss Brant.I'm Betty.

So, Betty, how do you

work for a walking

embolism like Jameson?

Mr. Jameson's

a decent man,

down deep.

Are we talking

Mariana's Trench deep

or Dante's ninth circle

deep?

[LAUGHS]

See you soon, Peter Parker.

Yee-haw!

He's back.

Set it in motion.

[ALARM SOUNDING]

Talk about a crook

with bad timing.

Great, he's on us.

Now, not too fast.

If he loses us,

no payday.

Look, forget

the payday.

I want payback.

Two hours till deadline?

No sweat.

Oh! Don't want anything

to happen to this.

What?

[LAUGHS]

Marko?

How many times

do I have to

take you down?

And where's your

charming partner O'Hirn?

[GRUNTS]

[GROANS]

Look, we gotta stop

meeting like this.

People

are starting to talk.

Mostly about

what doofs you are.

[WHIRRING]

[GROANS]

I reckon that came

as a bit of a shocker,

eh, bug?

Well, good.

So will this.

[GRUNTS]

[LAUGHS]

Hold still, son,

so as I can put you

out of your misery.

How about you put me

out of my mystery?

Who are you?

Call me

Well, how's

about Shocker?

Or how's about toast?

[GRUNTS]

Either you got less kick

than a three-legged mule,

or this here suit

does more than protect me

from my own power.

I guess clothes

do make the man.

[GROANS]

[TRUCK APPROACHING]

Did I get him?

Tell me I got him.

All you got

is on my nerves.

Stay out of this, boy.

The grown-ups

were talking.

Don't be too mad

at O'Hirn.

He just gets cranky

without his nap.

Impressive. You can

hire yourself out

as a kiddie ride.

Thanks.

But I already got

a job I love.

[GRUNTING]

[SPIDER-MAN GRUNTING]

That should satisfy

the Big Man.

[BEEPS]Extraction.

Hey, a little help?I ought to leave you

for the cops,

but I'm in

too good a mood.

[SCREAMS]

[GRUNTS]

Did I get him?

Is he road k*ll?

[SIRENS BLARING]He's finito.

Let's book.

[GRUNTING]

[GASPING]

Oh, talk about

your tight spots.

But I'm alive.

[SNIFFS]

[EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST]And I reek.

And my paycheck's ruined.

Perfect.

Harry,

I'm sorry

Sorry? You totally

left me hanging.

I know you

can do calc

in your sleep,

but I've got a lot

riding on tomorrow's test.

Maybe I should ask Gwen.

No, I'm down for tonight.

I swear. Um

Carperopum?

[SIGHS]

[GRUNTING]

[LAUGHING]

Guess all Osborn's

money couldn't buy him

muscle tone.

Lay off, Flash.

You think you

could do better?

How about you

and me race?

First to the top wins.

Dude, Parker's

calling you out.

And my spider powers

are going to

send you home crying.

Ball, please.

All right, all right.

A little friendly competition

never hurt anyone.

Line up.

[SNIFFING]Ugh!

Forget it.

You win.

Usually, when I say

Puny Parker stinks,

it's a figure of speech.

But whoo!

[SNIFFS]

And I showered

three times last night.

Peter, throw me the ball.

[SIGHS]

PETER: Gwen,

I'm sorry.

Sorry, you turned

at the last

Parker.

Hit the showers.

[LAUGHS]Yeah, for

all our sakes.

[ALL LAUGHING]BOY: Yeah.

BETTY: Pete.

Are you wearing perfume?

It's a long story.

Look, Miss

I mean, Betty,

this is embarrassing,

but could you replace

my check?

It got trashed.

Well, sure.

Oh, you have to meet

our editor-in-chief.

Joe Robertson,

this is Peter Parker.

The photographer, right.

Call me Robbie.

Any new shots?

Do you know

a Rand Robertson?

Well, there is a kid

by that name

who lives in my house

and eats all my food.

You at Midtown?Yes, sir.

Good school. Look,

Peter, the fact that

you've twice gotten

any usable pictures

of Spider-Man is

pretty amazing.

But the photos

themselves

You have your camera

on you?

She's kind of hard

to keep in focus.

This won't cut it.

You want to be

a Buglefreelancer,

you take that check

and invest in

a serious camera.

Garbage. Garbage.

Literally garbage.

Garbage Wait.

h*, h*!

PETER: Wouldn't

you rather use one

where Spider-Man's

winning?

Ha! Shows what you know!

Nobody loves a winner.

The people are

our market,

and the people want

their heroes to fail.

Makes them feel good

about themselves.

[SNIFFING]Whoo!

Piece of advice, kid.

Perfume doesn't cut it.

Tomato juice. Only thing

after taking pictures

at a dump.

Oh, I so need an excuse

to get back to Betty.

Which means I need

to take more pictures,

which means I cashed

in my checks 'cause

I need to buy

a new camera.

We're closed.

Go away.

The sign says

you don't close

for another hour.

The sign's wrong.

Come back tomorrow.

[GRUNTING]

I'm telling you,

we gotta cash in fast.

Once Hammerhead

spreads the word

Spider-Man's croaked,

it'll be open season for

every hood in the city.

[GRUNTING]

Still can't believe

I didn't cash in

his chips myself.

[SNIFFING]

Something

smells bad.

Oh, still?

I washed this costume

five times.

You!And now that you

troglodytes have deduced

that the rumors of

my demise have been

greatly exaggerated

I'm not dead.

Never mind.

Just tell Shocker

I want a rematch.

You can call

the cops now.

I really, really

hate that guy.

This is

really, really

getting heavy.

[BOTH GRUNTING]

Hey, Aunt May.

I'm home before

the new curfew.

And that's

appreciated, Peter.

I'm almost done here.

Just paying bills.

Or rather, deciding

which ones I can

hold off paying.

PETER: Well, I think

I might

Hold off on

the gas bill?

[SIGHS]

I feel like

banana cake.

You?

Um, no. Thanks.

I think I'll just

hit the sheets.

What? No banana cake?

Helping Harry must have

really tuckered you out.

Oh, man. Harry!

I totally

blew me off, Pete.

I know, Har. Look,

I'm worthless, but

But nothing.

Worthless covers it.

Let me

get this straight.

You ditched out

on the only guy

in the whole school

who actually liked you?

Genius.

[LAUGHING]

[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]

Big Man's not

satisfied, Montana.

And why would that be?

He don't think

you lived up to your

responsibilities.

The new camera

should make Robbie happy.

And, of course,

if I happen to run into

Miss Betty.

Oh, hi, Peter.

Perfect timing.

Hold this.

You know,

we should do this

more often.

I mean,

you and I have

so much in common.

We both

Put mustard

on our hotdogs.

Uh, we both work

for Jolly Jonah.

And that's a treat,

believe me.

Anyway,

I was wondering,

would you like to go

to my fall formal?

With me, that is.

Your fall formal?

Yeah,

at my high school.

In the gymnasium.

So, is that

deafening silence

a yes?

It's a very

sweet offer,

but I'm just too old

for you, Peter.

It's just a dance.

You know,

a little rock and roll.

[RUMBLING]

[CAR ALARMS BLARING]

Okay, I didn't

mean it like that.

[PEOPLE CLAMORING]

Graphics already online.

Lee, get me damage reports.

Foswell, take

the science angle.

Manhattan is not known

for earthquakes,

and that was

the third tremor

in the last hour.

Tremor?

Or Shocker?

[BEEPING]

Epicenters are equally spaced

in a straight line

heading uptown.

These aren't quakes.

They're Shocker's trail of

breadcrumbs for yours truly.

And I think I know

where to find

his gingerbread house.

Here, Shocky,

Shocky, Shocky.

[GROANS]

I really thought

I'd ended you, old son.

But you've got more lives

than a bag of cats.

Still, I reckon we can

remedy that situation.

[GROANING]

One more at close range

ought to do it.

SHOCKER: I do admire

your spunk, son.

Not enough

to let you go,

of course.

That would be bad

for business.

Whose business?

I can't tell you

the who.Then tell me the why.

What did your friendly

neighborhood Spider-Man

ever do to you?

It ain't nothing

personal, hoss.

Simple truth is,

if a man's a man,

he honors his

responsibilities,

and you're

one of mine.

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTING]

Well, the place

is condemned.

You know,

it really ain't wise

to make a dangerous man

look foolish.

You don't need

my help for that.

You looked

in a mirror lately?

Oh, and talk about

incompetent.

You've had

more shots at me

than Marko

and O'Hirn.

And done about as well.

Them boys are punks.

This is my profession.

Oh, you do this

for a living?

[LAUGHING]

[IN SOUTHERN ACCENT] With

that accent, I was thinking

rodeo clown.

Don't you mock me, boy.

I mock.

I'm a mocker.

Also a puller,

a tugger, a yanker.

[SHOCKER SCREAMING]

And that's what they call

bringing down the house.

You seem

troubled, son.

Troubled?

Gee, you think?

I failed my cal test

'cause Pete abandoned me.

Flash's crowd

won't cut me a break

Enough. You're parked

in a no-whining zone.

Take some responsibility.

Peter's not the reason

you failed.

You want to pass

a test? Study.

You want to be popular?

Be popular.

Take control

of your destiny, boy.

Harry,

life's pretty simple.

You cowboy up and do

what you have to do.

Thanks. I will.

My apologies

for the interruption.

Ah, kids today.

What you gonna do?

New topic.

Spider-Man.

We want him gone.

You care?None of my business.

Really?

Hero saved your hide.

I have nothing to do

with Spider-Man.

I wouldn't have risked

tipping you off

to that Tri Corp shipment

if I had.

Why did you tip us off?

Tri Corp's

my competitor

in the super-mercenary field.

If their prototypes

go missing,

everyone wins.

Which brings up

an issue my boss

would like to discuss.

Go ahead, Big Man.

[BEEPS]

LINCOLN ON PHONE:

Mr. Osborn, we have

a proposition.

When Spider-Man battles

the likes of the Vulture,

the Lizard, and even

our Shocker,

he's too busy to interfere

with my empire.

We would like to hire you

to create more

Well, let's call them

super villains.

What's in it

for me?

Ample funding

and a ready supply

of human guinea pigs

for your more

questionable

experiments.

[GROANING]

Ned Lee.

The Bugle.

What is it?

What's the card say?

[READING]

[DIALING]Robbie, it's me.

I'm here, but

I need a photog

Wait. What?

I said Parker

was there.

Already e-mailed

his shots.

Kid still needs

a new camera.

What's this?The Buglepaid me

for my pictures.

Now you can pay

those bills.

Out of the question.

Besides, if you're

going to take photos

for the Bugle,

you need

a new camera.

Well, that thought

occurred.

But a man has to honor

his responsibilities.

You're one of mine.

Aunt May, please.

Let me help.

I accept,

if you agree

to set aside 10%

of every check

to save

for that camera.

Deal?Deal.

[SNIFFING]

Peter, dear,

why do you smell

like tomato juice?