01x07 - The Origin of the Mandarin

[bunniefuu]

[BEEPING]

JUSTIN: Brilliant! Only Tony Stark could
have invented a robot wildcatter

which can pinpoint places
to drill for oil.

- I must have it!
-I fully concur.

You do?
I thought your primary interest

was getting your hands
on Iron Man's Armor,

that my business concerns
were secondary.

In this instance,
we share the same agenda.

Modok! Disable Stark's wildcatter
and reprogram its protocols.

At once, Mandarin!

With the wildcatter's robot brain
paralyzed,

Whirlwind is making it seem
that a sandstorm

has interrupted its operation.
Then Blizzard freezes the rig

to give Dreadknight time
to access its memory bank.

Soon, the wildcatter will go off-line
and serve us,

and Stark will never know
what happened to it!

[ALL LAUGHING]

- Knock, knock.
-JUSTIN: Iron Man!

Why so surprised?
Don't you know I work for Tony Stark?

And Mr. Stark doesn't like
his inventions tampered with.

Dreadknight!
You'll get a charge out of this!

[DREADKNIGHT SCREAMS]

BLACKLASH: We did not expect you,
Iron Man.

IRON MAN: I don't usually phone
for appointments, Blacklash!

Here's why!

[BLACKLASH GRUNTS]

BLIZZARD: This is no place to be!

[IRON MAN GROANING]

Are you comfortable, Iron Man?

Do you feel the power of my rings
eating into your flesh?

Stark's lackeys!
I'll not waste my power on underlings.

I shall return to fight another day.

SPIDER WOMAN: Greetings, geeks!

The wildcatter's warning system
worked fine,

but did we get here fast enough
to whip The Mandarin?

Nothing human could have survived
that blast. And yet, I wonder.

We could end up ahead of the game,
Tony. This came from Sky Saucer.

A Black Box flight recorder!
If we can break its code,

we might learn some of The Mandarin's
most vital secrets!

This architecture has the capacity
to deliver random access chronology

and holographic memory recapitulation.

Meaning what, man?

I left my encyclopedia
in the glove compartment.

Meaning we've stumbled onto
some sort of electronic diary!

The Mandarin keeps a diary?

[GIGGLES] Sure, Jim. "Dear diary,

"I couldn't get a date for the prom,
so I had to take Modok.

"He ate his corsage."

[LAUGHING]

TONY: Whatever's inside,

The Mandarin obviously wants it
to remain a secret.

It's booby-trapped with enough
fulminate of annihilum

to turn Beverly Hills into Beverly Flats!

But we're still going for it, right?

I mean, Mandarin's diary could give us
a handle on the creep.

With your brilliance and my hex power,

we'll find a way to disarm the device
and learn what's inside.

I'm curious, too,

but right now, we have 2O wildcatters
looking for oil in the desert,

and The Mandarin and his flunkie,
Justin Hammer,

are determined to beat us to it. Jim,

I want you and Clint to ride shotgun
with me on those wildcatters

-until one of them makes a strike.
-Right, Tone. Hawk?

Meanwhile, Century and Julia
will monitor wildcatter alarm channels.

And Wanda, you can start looking for
a safe means to unlock that Black Box.

IRON MAN: Thrusters, up!
w*r MACHINE: Later!

Well, then, we know what we must do.

Sure, but it won't take all of us
to monitor those alarm channels.

[LAUGHS] Of course not, Julia,
my pumpkin.

And my hex power tells me

the detonator in this box
can be disarmed

by a non-metallic analyzer.

Stop, Wanda!
If you're wrong, we shall be vaporized!

You're not going to get me k*lled,
you Middle European meathead!

Cowardly cow!
You'll short out the analyzer!

The foam evidently provided
sufficient electrical conductance

to bypass the triggering mechanism!

Now we can see what's inside...

[BEEPING]

Speak to us now!

I am The Mandarin,

destined to become
ruler of the known world.

I speak to you,
members of some future race,

so you will know of my power
and my glory!

It's The Mandarin's
personal time capsule!

My story begins here,

in the desolate heat of Central Asia,
a wild and lawless place,

in a time of rebellion,
when madness rode the wind

and armies fought to the death
for barbaric masters long dead.

I was then an ambitious young
archeologist called Arno Brock,

and I had come to seek my destiny,

a destiny which would bring me
the power to dominate the Earth!

We must return to base camp
at once, Professor Brock!

Our bearers have sighted
a band of armed renegades!

They have been looting the countryside

and will surely rob and m*rder us
without a qualm!

Quickly, Hongliang!

THE MANDARIN: My guide was Yinsen,
a brilliant young physicist.

We did not know it then, but our paths
would cross again and again.

The gods be praised! New weapons!
Nothing can stop us now!

[WHOOPING]

YINSEN: Professor Brock,
our luck has gone sour.

The telegraph wires to Hangchow
have been cut

and our extra ammunition and weapons
have fallen to the renegades

who will undoubtedly surround us
when night comes.

Without a miracle, we are doomed!

And so begins the story
of how I became The Mandarin.

Our doom was sealed,
and as darkness fell,

Yinsen and the others waited for death
as best they could.

This is fascinating!

THE MANDARIN: I was strangely
unconcerned,

certain that I was destined
for greater things

than an ignominious final rendezvous
with the Grim Reaper.

[EXCLAIMS] You startled me, Ilona!

The time we have left, I wish to spend it
with you, dearest Arno.

THE MANDARIN: Nona Vermeer,
my fiancee.

I need to think, woman!

My mind is a weapon,
and I must deploy it before it's too late!

But there is hope, my love!

Dear Yinsen has generously arranged
a chance for us to escape. Look!

- A stinking camel? Don't be absurd!
-The bearers must not hear.

Yinsen expects the renegades
to attack at dawn.

These rocks will give us cover,
and the camel can take us

where the renegades' horses
cannot go!

[SCOFFS] Without a diversion,
they'll pick us off like sitting ducks.

Yinsen will launch a counter-attack
to distract them.

We are to flee
when he lowers his handkerchief.

He says it is his wedding present to us.

THE MAN DARIN: A chance to survive!
I was determined to make the most of it.

[RENEGADES YELLING]

The bearers and I are unmarried.
You have your lives before you.

I pray you may live
to enjoy them together.

Bless you, Yinsen.

A blessing would be most welcome,
Miss Vermeer.

- I thank you as well, dear friend.
-Then I wish you good joss.

Attack!

Get ready, darling.
When Yinsen lowers his...

Arno? Come back!

THE MANDARIN: I had been put
on Earth to achieve a great purpose.

I could not diminish
the chances of my survival

by burdening the camel
with a second rider,

even the woman I loved.

[BROCK SCREAMING]

THE MANDARIN: I was about to learn
the true secret

of those grim and mysterious
clay warriors.

A thousand years earlier,
Mongol priests had created them

to stand watch over a strange
subterranean cavern

filled with terrifying secrets,
secrets they had buried for eternity.

My arm had been broken,
and the faint but overpowering stench

of sulfur and brimstone
chilled me to the bone.

But that did not matter,

because I had made the greatest
and most astonishing discovery of all!

The cavern was actually
the petrified hulk

of an immense alien spacecraft
which had crashed to Earth eons ago.

Though its occupants were no more,

its eternal power source
was still as great as ever!

A bolt of unknown energy seared
my lungs and surged into my brain!

My mind exploded, dazzling my eyes
with a vision of the cosmos!

I had communed with the infinite
and survived,

my arm miraculously healed

and my strength growing
with every breath!

The path to predestined greatness
was now clear before me!

I knew what I had to do!

[THE MANDARIN LAUGHING]

[THE MANDARIN SIGHS]

Mystic gems from an alien world.
Through their power,

I was reborn as The Mandarin!

The growth of my strength and intellect
was incalculable!

I could taste the sweet nectar of world
conquest on the tip of my tongue!

And then...

u-ussme]

[GROWLING]

DRAGON: The stones are mine!

Come back! Back!

I must have them!

THE MANDARIN: My heart stopped.

I knew if I did not leave that cavern
at once, I would die horribly!

The power of the gems

had transformed my thoughts
to deeds!

I was invincible!

And I wondered,
Nona, was she still alive?

IRON MAN: I'm at Wildcatter Number
Nine, and still no sign of The Mandarin!

Thar she blows!
Nine brought in a gusher!

Jim! Hawkeye! Report!

HAWKEYE: Looks like
you're batting .500 on finding oil,

and zilch on finding Mandy
and his goon squad.

w*r MACHINE: I don't get it, Tone.

First off The Mandarin wants to glom
onto a wildcatter for Hammer,

then he ducks out of the game.
It doesn't make sense.

Unless The Mandarin suckered us.

Armory Communications.
Emergency Band Omega! Scramble!

Come in, Century! Wanda! Julia!
Come in! Urgent!

Do you read me? Acknowledge!

SPIDER WOMAN: Tony's calling us.
CENTURY: It is not important.

Watching The Mandarin
is all that matters.

- That is correct.
- IRON MAN: Come in! Come in now!

Come in, Century! Wanda! Julia!

We've been had. Head home!

- w*r MACHINE: Sandstorm!
-No, it's that wacko, Whirlwind!

Nothing like a good sandblasting to
scrub the rust off your butt, Iron Man.

And now it's time to chill out!

- The sand! It's icing up around us!
-We're being turned into hailstones!

Too heavy to fly!

WHIRLWIND: [LAUGHS] Good! Good!
Goodbye!

IRON MAN: Thrusters iced up!

[w*r MACHINE SCREAMING]

[w*r MACHINE GRUNTING]

The campsite had been picked clean.

But there was no sign
of Yinsen or Nona.

The same fate that fulfilled my dream
had cast them to the winds.

Nana's rings!

The ignorant savages had plucked out
her gems and left the bands behind!

They were to be Nana's last gift to me.

A very practical gift, as it turned out!

My new powers were now
quite literally at my fingertips!

And then, he called.

[ROARING]

FIN FANG FOOM: Arno Brock!
You have stolen my greatest treasures.

I take what I choose!

Whatever you are, come forth!

[FIN FANG FOOM GROWLING]

Die, arrogant microbe!

THE MANDARIN: The dragon beast
could not destroy me, nor I him,

so we formed
a strange, unholy alliance.

I hope you have enjoyed
my brief but compelling biography.

We certainly have.

[THE MANDARIN LAUGHS]

Haven't we, my dear Hypnotia?

I've had a ball, Mandarin.

I've never tried delayed-action
hypnotism this way before,

but it looks like a smash!

Disarm your security!
Your friends want to come in for a visit.

Watch them, Dreadknight!
To Iron Man's Hall of Armor!

'Yes!

OOps!

- Sorry!
-You dorkmeister!

- w*r MACHINE: You okay, Tone?
-It's not definite. Damage report.

ARMOR: All systems fully operational.

- Are you with us, Hawk?
-They trashed my hog, man!

It won't be pretty, but then
neither are you. The Armory! Now!

THE MANDARIN: Astounding!

MODOK: Moderately impressive,
but it lacks warmth.

A chintz love seat here,
a nice painting of dogs playing poker...

Silence, you envious cerebellum!

At last, this magnificent hall
shall provide me

with the armor I have hungered for!

Computer! Arm me to the ultimate!

Give me strength
and maximum destructive power!

ARMOR: Adamantium Armor.
Nuclear capability.

THE MANDARIN: Yes!

[THE MANDARIN LAUGHING]

Yes!

IRON MAN: There's a disruption
on my situation scanners!

It can only mean that The Mandarin's
gotten into the Hall of Armor!

HAWKEYE: How did he get
past our guys?

IRON MAN: We'll find out!

And now, my armor is complete!

[THE MANDARIN LAUGHING]

DREADKNIGHT: What a pity
you are not aware of my presence.

If you were,
you would be trembling to be so close

to my bold, manly machismo!

HAWKEYE: Machismo?
Isn't that Spanish for "dipstick"?

Yes, Spanish,
as in haste fa vista, baby!

Julia, Wanda, Century.
Can you hear me?

[SCARLET WITCH EXCLAIMS]

- The Mandarin's life story.
-We were hypnotized.

The Hall of Armor!

I've got my hall pass right here!

THE MANDARIN: What craftsmanship!

Yes! Yes! Undersea Armor!

IRON MAN: Too bad there's no Armor
for Six Feet Underground.

You're going to need it.

Then come and get me!

- A psy web!
-HYPNOTIA: How icky!

Oh, this I've got to see!

Release me or I'll sue!

I didn't want to damage
my Hall of Armor

while I'm tearing you apart, Iron Man.

You see, this time
I not only have the power of my rings,

I also have your Armor!

Yes, Mandarin, and my Armor has you!

What? I'm...

[THE MANDARIN GROANING]

Exterminating you!

- Way to go!
-Smack yourself again!

SCARLET WITCH: Excellent!
CENTURY: How special.

- HAWKEYE: Beautiful, man.
-You were saying?

I was saying farewell!

[GROANS]

I have won.

This is not over.

It will never be over
until one of us is dust!

And I will never be that one!

'