02x03 - Cell of Iron

[bunniefuu]

TONY: The last modifications
to my new armor.

Nuclear thrusters and
deep space adaptability.

[SIGHS]

That ought to do it, HOMER.

I'll log the project as completed
at 3:07 a.m., exactly.

[YAWNING]

Lucky I don't have
a wife waiting up for me, eh?

Most humans find comfort in
emotional attachment to another.

I was being ironic, HOMER.

Remind me to program irony

into your naive little
digitized brain sometime.

I will do so next Wednesday.

Stark, put your brawny behind
on that corporate jet of yours

and get out here pronto!

Dum Dum Dugan, not the prettiest face
I've ever seen at 3:00 in the morning.

- What's the problem?
- It'll keep till you get here. Dugan out.

Well, HOMER, looks like we get to
put this tin can through its paces

sooner than we thought.

But your new armor
is untested in the field.

IRON MAN:
HOMER, I'm deeply insulted.

Could it be that you don't trust
my world-renowned engineering skills?

[LAUGHS]

That is not my point.

Any sophisticated system
has the potential

to perform in unexpected ways.

IRON MAN: Such as acting
like a mother hen with its creator?

HOMER: Is that more irony?

IRON MAN: Why don't you let me know
after your Wednesday programming?

Now, let's see
what these new thrusters can...

[EXCLAIMS IN SURPRISE]

[SIGHS IN RELIEF]

I had no idea what kind of kick
these babies were packing.

HOMER: Which brings me
back to my point

about a thorough laboratory testing.

IRON MAN: Yeah, yeah.
Nobody likes a know-it-all computer.

HOMER: But I thought people did want
computers to know everything.

That irony program
will certainly come in handy.

IRON MAN: S.H.l.E.L.D.'s got
their agents wearing Guardian Armor.

The plant must be
in some serious danger.

Which means one thing,
they'll be mighty appreciative

having Iron Man on board.

[IRON MAN SCREAMING]

Who rolled up the welcome mat?

Boy, this would be an excellent time
for w*r Machine to show up.

If he were still showing up.

You boys up for a physics lesson?

That would be a little something
called the domino effect.

DUGAN: Easy, does it, laddie.

Don't get your circuits
all hot and bothered.

It's just we were expecting your boss,
not you.

IRON MAN: Stark will be along.

But he won't be pleased to find
uninvited guests at his factory.

Correction, bucko, my factory.

By order of the
United States government.

I...

lam...

I am Iron Man!

I am Iron Man!

I am Iron Man!

I don't care what that paper says,

this plant's the property
of one Anthony B. Stark.

And that automated tank of yours
is in my boss's parking space.

So why don't you call a tow truck?

Consider it towed!

Do you have any idea of the paperwork
I'm gonna have to fill out

to explain that shenanigan?

I'm the one you should be
doing the explaining to.

[SIGHING] Suppose you're right.

Let's take it inside,
I'll brew us a wee pot ofjoe.

How's the coffee? Or maybe you'd
prefer a cup of 3O weight?

Stark's perimeter monitors
picked up this footage.

A tea plantation just outside
Stark Industries.



That's a school
for the farm workers' little ones. Watch.

IRON MAN: An hour earlier,
that school would've been full of kids.

You got it, boyo.

Anyhow, the Chinese government
blames Stark Enterprises,

figuring some sort of test
went all to blazes.

So did S.H.l.E.L.D., at first.

So what changed your mind?
Stark's boyish good looks?

Not likely. This.

The attack on the school
was a warning.

Unless the governments of the world
give in to our demands,

A.I. M. will destroy

10 of the world's largest
population centers. We warn you.

DUGAN: Won't bore you
with the rest of his blarney.

Let's just say
that rummy band of renegade scientists

have some pretty extreme demands.

Way we figure it, they've got
some sort of attack satellite

floating around up there
among the angels.

So naturally you're down here,

sitting on your big fat keester,
sucking down java.

For your information, Shellhead,
we're prepping a space fleet right now

to go have a little look-see.

It'll be ready for launch in two hours.

That's one hour
and 59 minutes too slow.

And by the way, Dugan,
love the new sunroof in your trailer.

What sunroof?

Saints preserve us!
Do you know what you just did?

You just cost me another hour's worth
of paperwork!

It is my own fault.
Should have served him decaf.

Okay, HOMER,
prepare armor for Space Mode.

HOMER: Surely you aren't serious.
The new systems are...

IRON MAN: Let me guess,
completely untested?

What kind of superhero would I be
if I didn't take a few risks?

Interior seals locked.
Temperature control on.

Oxygen-regen function engaged.
All systems go.

HOMER: Strange.

I'm monitoring excessive amounts
of microwave radiation,

yet with no apparent source.

IRON MAN: Switching to infrared scan.

Fantastic! Something that big,
yet completely shielded from radar.

Are you imaging this, HOMER?

HOMER: Indeed. It appears to be
a space station.

And I'm picking up something else
coming towards you at a great velocity.

IRON MAN:
Thanks for the advance warning.

HOMER: Was that irony?

No, that would be pain.
At least these are just babies.

But then came Papa Bear.

HOMER: Your thrusters
are no longer operative.

IRON MAN: I noticed.
Repulsor's malfunctioning, too.

HOMER, call the salvage yard.

You may be selling old Shellhead
for scrap before this day is through.

- HOMER: Your new circuitry is failing.
-Just fix it pronto!

HOMER: Circuits will be recalibrated
in 1O seconds.

IRON MAN: I don't have 1O seconds!

That's funny. Never seen a meteor
run out of gas before.

I am Sunturion,

guardian of the space station
known as Star Well.

HOMER: Your recalibration is complete.

Armor functions returning.

It was I who redirected
the meteor shower towards you.

It's been that kind of day.

If I'm not being shot up
by S.H.l.E.L.D. agents,

some fruitcake in a DayGlo suit
is pelting me with meteors.

It was merely meant as a warning.
Trespassers are not allowed.

Really? Someone must have
moved the sign.

Well, HOMER, that was something
you don't see every day.

HOMER: Indeed.

My readings indicate that Sunturion
is a being of great energy.

IRON MAN: What tipped you off?
His healthy glow?

HOMER: Ah! More irony. I'm beginning
to recognize it now. Interesting.

IRON MAN: So I guess you can teach
an old mainframe new tricks.

HOMER: Shall I scan
for the main entrance?

Negative. I can't go Waltzing
in the front door. An airlock.

Perfect. Show you a little trick, HOMER.

HOMER: Most impressive.

IRON MAN: Comes in real handy
when I lock the keys inside the Cadillac.

Just as I thought, it's an A.l.M. satellite.

Well, I "aim" to see
what these jokers are up to.

Ready all systems, HOMER.

I'm prepared for anything.

Except that.

Welcome to my home, Iron Man.

My name is Arthur Dearborn.
Can I get you anything?

I'm not here for afternoon tea
and crumpets, Dearborn.

I've come to shut you
and your cronies down.

Cronies? I'm afraid I don't understand.

I'm quite alone up here.
Except for Sunturion.

We've met.

Yes. I apologize for the unfortunate
welcome he gave you.

He's very protective.

You see,
the Star Well is my life's work,

the sum total of all my dreams.

Please, let me show you.

I realized long ago that
if a third world w*r is ever waged,

it shall be for control
of our scarcest resource, energy.

Fossil fuels are the thing of the past.

Nuclear power, too controversial.
But this, the Star Well, is unique.

By gathering solar energy and beaming
it to receiving stations on Earth,

I can provide pure, unlimited power
to any corner of the globe.

Tight beams of microwaves,
controlled heat.

Tell me, Dearborn. Did you happen to
unleash some of this unlimited power

-upon a certain location in China?
-China? Why? No.

You're lying. Yesterday,
a microwave blast from this satellite

nearly wiped out
a schoolhouse full of kids.

How dare you!
I will not listen to this vile claptrap.

All right, I admit it happened,
but it was an accident.

I was running a test
and they jammed my signal.

- They're after me, you know.
-Who?

A group of renegade scientists,
known as Advanced Idea Mechanics.

- They're commonly called...
-A.l.M.

Fess up, Dearborn. You are A.l.M.
This ship is lousy with A.l.M. markings.

No! I only hired them to help me
with the satellite technology.

They were recommended
by an associate of mine

who worked for Justin Hammer.

Justin Hammer? A.l.M.?

You chose some bad partners,
Dearborn.

I realize that now.

A.l.M. is claiming credit
for the accident in China.

Holding the world up for ransom.

Yes, because they now realize
how powerful the Star Well is.

But they'll never get it.

Because my shielding device
makes it virtually impossible to detect.

Well, I detected it.

Yes, you did.
But you are an extraordinary being.

No one else could ever detect...

[ALARM BLARING]

IRON MAN: Think not?

It's A.l.M. They've come.

It was you who drew them here.
They locked onto your signal.

Step aside, Dearborn.

Let me see if I can't get these
egomaniacal eggheads

to listen to reason.

HOMER: I doubt that A.l.M. will prove
amenable to listening to reason.

IRON MAN: [LAUGHS] So do I.

HOMER: Then why...

Ah! Irony again.

Attack drones. Three against one, huh?

Well, I was hoping
for more of a workout.

Yeah, well, that'll do.

HOMER: At this rate,
with your continual assistance,

there will be 8,064 of them
within two minutes.

So in other words,
if I sh**t them, I'm a goner,

but if I do nothing, I'm a goner.

HOMER: Not in other words.
Those exact words will do.

Was I being ironic?

Yeah. Congratulations.
You make me so proud.

Only one chance. Sucker them in tight,
hit them fast and hard,

and hope their duplicating circuits
melt to mush.

HOMER: And if your colloquially worded
theory is incorrect?

IRON MAN: Then at least I get to go out
in one loud blaze of glory.

[PANTING] HOMER, Who'd have thunk?
We did it.

Where am I?

You're safe.
It was touch-and-go for a while,

before I realized
what your requirements were

in terms of life support.

We are kindred spirits, you and I.

We both owe our lives to technology.
You must stay here with me.

You and Sunturion
can protect the Star Well,

just as you protected it
from the A.l.M. warship.

That was no warship, Dearborn.
That was a scout ship. Small fry.

A.l.M will be back in numbers.

And they'll take your satellite away
without asking.

No! You're wrong!
The Star Well is safe.

And you're never leaving here!

[GROANS]

- HOMER, you with me?
-HOMER: Barely.

Dearborn is being most parsimonious
with his energy.

[TONY GROANING]

See if you can short out
the Star Well's feeder circuit.

Direct it to my suit.

- Not recommended. The feedback...
-Will jump-start my circuits. I know.

If it doesn't k*ll you.

- Details! Just do it.
-I will try.

[SCREAMING]

What have you done?
You're ruining everything!

My perfect environment!

The dream's over, Dearborn.
The Star Well must be shut down.

DEARBORN: You have no idea what
you're saying. I can't live without it!

The Star Well is not just my dream.

It's my salvation.

Ah!

I understand now. You're Sunturion.
But how?

DEARBORN: When Star Well
space station was nearly complete,

I contracted a fatal disease.

Ordinary medical science
couldn't cure me.

I bombarded my dying body with
a unique form of microwave energy.

The disease was destroyed,

but! was transformed
into the being I call Sunturion.

Now my body gave off invisible rays
deadly to all forms of life.

Even when I learned to transform

between my physical
and my energy forms,

my presence remained lethal to others.

The Star Well was quickly completed.

I banished myself to it,
and here I remain.

My gift to mankind
now serving as my prison.

Do you have any idea
of what loneliness it is

to be cut off from all humanity

and locked inside a cell of iron?

Yes. I do.

[ALARM BEEPING]

A.l.M. ships, dozens of them.
I warned you, Dearborn.

But we can stop them,
you and I together!

And if we can't?
They'll take over the Star Well,

blow up half the world
and enslave the rest.

Real fun guys. if you won't pull the plug
on this station, I'll do it for you.

[IRON MAN GROANS]

SUNTURION: You will not take
what is mine!

Feel the power of Sunturion!

[GRUNTING]

[SCREAMS]

I knew I was good,
but I didn't know I was that good.

Typical. The rats are deserting
a sinking ship.

The Star Well's
no use to them anymore.

HOMER, compute trajectory,
where's that crate headed?

HOMER: Latitude 25 degrees,


Longitude 8O degrees,


- A major metropolitan area known as...
-IRON MAN: New York City!

HOMER, it's times like these
a superhero really gets to earn his pay.

SUNTURION: This is your fault!

[IRON MAN GROANING]

If you had helped me
defend the Star Well...

Why? So A.l.M. could take it over?
Your dream for mankind was finished

the minute you shook hands
with those devils.

And now it's about to become
a nightmare

for millions of innocent people.

So you'll pardon me
if I don't stop to chat.

HOMER: I must warn you, your circuits
are still dangerously low on power.

- Any attempt to...
-IRON MAN: Got no choice, HOMER.

A couple of million tons
of white-hot space rubble's

about to take
a bite out of the Big Apple.

[PEOPLE SCREAMING]

If I can just deflect it,
send it into the ocean!

No good! Too low on power.

- SUNTURION: Stark.
-Back off, Sunturion.

- I don't have time to...
-You were right.

My dream for mankind is over.

But I won't let others die because of it.

Goodbye, Dearborn. It's ironic
that your ultimate gift to mankind

wasn't the Star Well after all,

but rather the life
you sacrificed to destroy it.

HOMER: You say it is ironic,

but I fail to detect
the previous element of humor.

Is irony not always funny?

IRON MAN: No, HOMER.
Sometimes it isn't funny at all.

[PANTING]

I can feel it! It's close!

[CHUCKLES]

You want to be with your
nine little brothers, don't you? There!

[EAGLE SCREECHING]

Prepare to fry!

[EXCLAIMS IN SURPRISE]

Nice birdie. Put me down.

No!

I...

lam...

I am Iron Man!

I am Iron Man!

I am Iron Man!

'