02x09 - The Armor Wars, Part 2

[bunniefuu]

ANNOUNCER:
In the previous episode of Iron Man...

Although much of the blast
was contained underground,

the expl*si*n spread
a radioactive cloud for miles.

Much of the blame, and anger,

is focused on a major player
in this tragedy, Iron Man.

The very technology that
you designed to keep yourself alive...

Is being used to commit atrocities.

Endless opportunities
for t*rror1st misery,

because of what I built.

These Negator Packs
seem to do a pretty good job

of disabling my stolen technology.

Generate a list
of every known armored warrior.

Everybody gets a personally delivered
gift box, courtesy of Iron Man.

It's just you and me, Iron Man.
Like I've always wanted.

[SCREAMS]

FURY: It's about Iron Man.

You shut down Iron Man,

or S.H.l.E.L.D. will shut down
Stark Enterprises. Period.

Effective immediately,

I'm terminating Iron Man's
employment by Stark Enterprises.

[ALL GASPING]

To put it simply, he's fired.

JULIA: You can lie in public
all you want, but don't lie to me.

Why do you always push away
the people

who care the most about you?

I don't know.

JULIA: Why won't you talk to me?

Tony? Tony?

I...

lam...

I am Iron Man!

I am Iron Man!

I am Iron Man!

[SIGHS]

Julia, Julia, Julia.

JIM: Let me guess, Chuckles.

Your little heart to heart with Tony

wasn't the rousing success
you'd hoped for, huh?

My emotions got the best of me.

Yeah, that's what Tony does best.

Lets people get close,
but never really lets them in.

What'll we do, Jim?

He's cut himself off.
He won't listen to anybody.

Except those
of the holographic persuasion.

Yo, homey! How about cutting us
a couple of megabytes of information?

My programming prevents me
from divulging any privileged data.

Oh, wise up, binary-brain.
Tony's going down for the third time

and dragging everyone else
down with him.

You know what happens then?

They put you to work
checking tax returns for the IRS.

Actually, I have found Mr. Stark's
recent behavior rather unsettling.

Yeah, as in crazy.

Perhaps I can facilitate
a frank discussion of the issues.

Would it be useful
if I were to locate him for you?

He's at the beach house, isn't he?

HOMER: No.
He is currently flying south.

- What the heck?
-Where do you think he...

HOMER: Probable target identified.

Special Naval Command Operative,
code-named...

[JULIA READING SCREEN]

- Oh, Jim.
-Oh, I know.

He's gunning for the good guys again.

Rhodey, you've got to stop him.

Hey, look, I've tried,
but there's no talking to...

I don't mean talk.
I mean stop him as w*r Machine.

I can't fight Tony! I mean, he's Tony!

He's not the Tony we knew.
Rhodey, he's crossed the line.

He's a menace to himself
and everyone else.

[SIGHS]

Hard drive,
prepare the w*r Machine Armor,

so it's real nice and shiny
for when Tony kicks my rear.

STINGRAY:
You're in serious hot water, Iron Man.

Fired from Stark's security umbrella,

and then assaulting a Level Six Naval
Command Officer is no laughing...

IRON MAN: Maybe I'm working alone
these days, but believe me, Stingray,

I don't want to fight you.

STINGRAY: Yeah, well,
tell that to the feds

when they slam your sorry butt
in the brig.

IRON MAN: Hydro Armor.

[SCREAMS IN PAIN]

[IRON MAN PANTING]

IRON MAN: Chest on fire. I got to rest.

Nothing happened.

Stingray's equipment isn't based on
Stark technology. What have I done?

w*r MACHINE: Well, let's see.

Near as I can figure,
you've trespassed on federal property,

assaulted a naval officer,

and taken a dip
without waiting an hour after mealtime.

IRON MAN: I don't have time
for one of your morality lectures, Jim.

w*r MACHINE: Yeah, well, make time.

I'm here to put the kibosh on your act,
one way or another.

IRON MAN: Don't you get it?
I have to do this! I have to!

It's the only way to
make sure my designs...

Wait a minute, your w*r Machine
armor is also one of my designs.

w*r MACHINE: Tony! You got rust
in your helmet or what? Knock it off!

IRON MAN: No!
Can't stop! Must not stop!

w*r MACHINE:
Man, you've really lost it.

[GASPING]
No! Not again! Not the water!

HOMER: Sir,
you are drowning Mr. Rhodes!

IRON MAN: Jim? Drowning?

w*r MACHINE: Now What?

Don't tell me
he's gonna make it rain on me.

Wait, he's not showing up on radar.

He must've activated
his stinking Stealth Armor.

IRON MAN: I'm sorry, Jim.

But your armor's based on the same
Stark technology they're tracking down.

If it ever fell into the wrong hands...

Don't you see? Too much blood has
already been spilled with my sword.

It has to end.

[JIM GROANING]

w*r MACHINE:
Your timing stinks, Stark!

Just when I'd gotten used to
the darn thing again.

JUSTIN: Ladies and gentlemen.

No. Iron Man, Stark Enterprises'
squeaky-clean corporate symbol,

has become an uncontrollable menace.

Mr. Hammer? Don't you mean
former corporate symbol?

Whatever.

So, as a loyally patriotic citizen
of this great nation,

and to end this sad chapter in history,
I've placed all of Hammer Corporation's

considerable resources
at the government's disposal.

[REPORTERS MURMURING]

In a momentous collaboration,

the final solution to the Iron Man threat.

Ladies and gentlemen, meet Firepower!

These radio-controlled tanks
and planes are just for target practice.

Firepower was built for one purpose,
and one purpose only,

to ensure the security
and safety of the world

by destroying the renegade Iron Man.

You got it wrong, Hammer, old boy.

It's Firepower, using my stolen
technology, that needs the destroying.

[MEN SHOUTING]

JULIA: Iron Man? Come in, Iron Man!

Come on, Tony, you stubborn mule,
I know you can hear me.

IRON MAN: Then why are you yelling?
JULIA: Don't get smart with me, Stark.

Just hustle your skinny metal behind
out of there! It's a trap!

IRON MAN: No kidding, Sherlock.
JULIA: Then why are you...

IRON MAN: Because now everything
makes sense. Hammer built Firepower.

Five'll get you 10,
he was behind the thefts all along.

If I can take Hammer's brain child apart
and analyze it,

I'll have the proof I need.

And then what, Tony?
What possible good can...

Look, Julia, I'd love to chat,

but there's a 5,000 pound gorilla
looking to peel me like a banana.

Tony? Tony! Oh, you stupid...

[HELMET RINGING LOUDLY]

Nothing like an iron helmet to nicely
amplify the sound of an expl*si*n.

HOMER: Warning,
Iron Man's heart rate

and blood pressure
are at critical levels.

IRON MAN: All right, laughing boy,
maybe you've got me outgunned.

But this armor of mine wasn't just built
for comfort, it was built for speed!

FIREPOWER: Locking on target.

Locking on target.

Locking on target.
On target, on target, on target...

IRON MAN: Miss me?

Here's a chip on your shoulder.
Negator Chip, that is.

Mind if I ask you a question?

Shouldn't your circuits be turning
to guacamole about now?

FIREPOWER: Locking on target.
IRON MAN: That's one answer.

[IRON MAN GRUNTS]

So after Iron Man's
vicious and unprovoked

attack upon the guardsmen,

I analyzed his Negator Packs

and discovered a way
to neutralize their effects.

They're totally useless
against Firepower's design.

[POWER FADING IN ARMOR]

[GROANS]

HOMER: Sir,
your circuitry has run down,

repulsor power nearly exhausted.

And, oh, yes,
you have two broken ribs.

IRON MAN: Okay,
now give me the bad news.

HOMER:
Continued combat could prove fatal.

IRON MAN: You're absolutely right.

What is he doing?

HOMER: Apparently,
launching another attack.

Tom!-

FIREPOWER: Locking on target.

Ladies and gentlemen, you have
just witnessed live, on national TV,

the end of Iron Man.

[GASPING]

What a stinking, lousy waste.

SOLDIER: Watch out!
Here comes Iron Man!

[WHOOPS] Look at him fly!

[LAUGHING]

- What's so funny, soldier?
-Nothing, sir.

You bet your job, nothing!

That was a good man in that armor,
and he deserves your respect.

Is that clear?

- Sir, yes, sir!
-Sir, yes, sir!

Now get out of my sight.

Funny, I don't see any blood.
And all the circuits have been negated.

There's something not kosher
about that metallic mauler.

[WEEPING]

Miss Carpenter, though I am not
programmed to experience loss,

may I offer my sympathy?

Sometimes I think
you're the lucky one, HOMER.

It must be nice not to feel any pain.

TONY: [ON RADIO] Stark to Stark
Enterprises. Stark to Stark Enterprises.

- Do you read me?
- Tony?

- Alive and kicking.
- But how?

We saw you get blown up.

Correction. You saw my armor
get blown up. Where's Rhodey?

JIM: In a chopper,
headed home from Stingray's.

Thought I had a funeral to attend.

I'm sorry to disappoint you.

Listen, I'll be the one limping down the
Interstate 5 outside Camp Pendleton.

Think you could make a little detour?

Broken ribs, extensive bruises
and hematomas,

multiple symptoms of neural
and cardiovascular dysfunction.

Don't forget the athlete's feet.

[COUGHS]

Look, I realized that all my missions
hadn't solved anything.

If Firepower could be designed
to resist my Negator Packs,

then so could others.

My actions were all too little,
and too late.

So, I set the Iron Man armor
on remote control,

and put him out of my misery.

Man, why didn't you level with us, man?

Why do you always
have to go it alone?

I don't know. I guess I was afraid.

No, not afraid, angry.

Angry that somebody
had stolen your special toy.

- All right.
-Angry,

-like some sort of spoiled, rich brat!
-All right! I know! It was wrong!

I was wrong. That's why
I want to ask you both to forgive me.

Tony, you can't treat people
like machines.

We have emotions.

And emotions are not just something
you can switch on and off,

like a computer.

Should I be offended by that remark?

[ALL LAUGHING]

[GROANS]

Whoever said laughter was
the best medicine ought to be shot.

Hey, what about Hammer?
If that sleaze stole your designs,

- I assume you're...
-I'm not going after anyone anymore.

The world wanted Iron Man gone.
They got their wish.

Stark Enterprises can go back
to business as usual,

and no one has to worry about
some lunatic vigilante in a metal suit.

You've done well,
my mechanical confrere.

But destroying Iron Man
was just the first step.

Step two is the complete
and total annihilation

of the great Stark Enterprises.

[LAUGHING]

Turning to business, Stark Enterprises
has become a company under a curse,

as it suffers one inexplicable tragedy
after another.

On Wall Street, trading was halted

as investors sold Stark Enterprises
stock at fire-sale prices.

In other news...

[GROANS]

Tough day at the office?

[SIGHS]

I've had better.

I thought you might be
interested to know

that Firepower's shown up missing.

Figures. Nothing else could cause so
much damage and not leave any clues.

Of course,
Hammer's playing cute and dumb,

but I'm figuring
he took back his wind-up doll

and is using it to
put you out of business.

You got a point, Fury?

Without proof,
I can't stop either one of them. You can.

Well, what do you want me to do,
sue him?

I first need evidence
tying him in with Firepower...

I'm not talking about a courtroom fix,
pal. What you need is Iron Man.

Well, in case you haven't been
reading the papers, Iron Man's dead.

FURY: Then so is Stark Enterprises,

unless you can fix it so old Shellhead
comes back from the boneyard.

- But Iron Man's no longer...
-Think about it.

What's wrong?

Tony's been locked up in there
for days.

Usually I get a couple grunts
when I knock.

- Now he won't even answer!
-You don't think he's gone...

Man's been depressed for a week.

I've never seen him so low.
What do you think?

[SIGHS] I think it's time to pull
my spider strength out of the cobwebs.

Stand back!

Don't worry,
I'll put it on my expense report.

[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]

JIM: Tony.

- Does this mean what I...
-IRON MAN: Mark Twain once said,

"The rumors of my death
have been greatly exaggerated."

Iron Man lives!

Hate to break your concentration,
mister, but you are trespassing.

FIREPOWER: Data error.
Subject Iron Man has been deactivated.

IRON MAN: What can I tell you?
We superheroes are a resilient lot.

We just keep going and going
and going.

Fortunately, you were pretty easy
to track down.

Just checked out the five or six Stark
operations you hadn't hit yet, and voila'.

HOMER: The Exo Armor seems to be
performing up to expectations, sir.

IRON MAN: Not much of a fashion
statement, but yeah, it does the trick.

Helps cut down on the rug burns, too.

FIREPOWER: Cranial circuitry overload.

IRON MAN:
Long as you got a headache,

here's the bellyache to go along with it.

That ought to hold him.

[RUMBLING]

IRON MAN: Then again,
it was only 1,200 tons of steel.

FIREPOWER:
Subject Iron Man must surrender.

IRON MAN: Subject Iron Man
doesn't like the look of this.

[GROANS]

That hurt.

HOMER: Sir, that is a limited-yield
neutron b*mb warhead.

IRON MAN: Well, I didn't think
it was a head of lettuce.

Can't you talk him out of this, HOMER?
You speak robot.

HOMER: I'm afraid
I don't know what you...

IRON MAN: Hey, Firepower.

Don't think I'm not flattered,

but isn't using a neutron b*mb
against me kind of overkill?

FIREPOWER:
Subject Iron Man is not the target.

Target is on the outskirts of
Los Angeles, future site of...

IRON MAN: Stark Towers!

HOMER: Sir, radiation would be
confined to the construction site,

but there are some


FIREPOWER:
Commencing launch procedure.

IRON MAN: No!

FIREPOWER:
Launch capability has been neutralized.

IRON MAN: But the b*mb
is still gonna blow? Not good.

Typical. Couldn't just have
a user-friendly on/off switch.

HOMER: Sir, if my analysis is correct,

thirteen seconds remain
until the fuel is spent

and the neutron b*mb goes off.

-12, 11, 10...
-HOMER, that's not helping!

...nine, eight, seven, six, five,
four, three...

- Well, when in doubt, just break it.
-...two...

[SIGHS IN RELIEF]

Sir, was that last action prudent?

Not particularly. But, hey, it worked.

Okay, Chuckles. Doctor Iron Man needs
to access your database. Open wide.

You're not dead after all.

I admit I'm surprised,
and I loathe surprises.

I'm waiting, Iron Man.

Aren't you supposed to say
something annoyingly heroic like,

"And your time has come"?

IRON MAN: Idle threats aren't my style.

S.H.l.E.L.D. and Stark
are heading a task force,

which will explain my actions,

but there's no way I can prove you sent
Firepower to ruin Stark Enterprises.

There's no way my boss, Mr. Stark,
can nail you through legal channels.

Then sadly, there's nothing you can do.

Except deliver this little early Christmas
gift, compliments of Anthony B. Stark.

I'm feeding an interesting little
computer virus into your system,

one that destroys
any record of the Iron Man technology,

regardless of how it's been pass-coded
or encrypted.

- No!
-Oh, yes.

We already did the same
over the Internet.

Call it filling the pot-holes
on the old information superhighway.

Now no one will be able to duplicate
the technology you stole,

and no one will be harmed
by its misuse again.

[COMPUTER BEEPS]

Oh. Call me reckless,

but I also accidentally erased
everything else in your computers.

Hope that won't set Hammer Industries
back more than a couple... Three years.

If you work real hard, you can probably
just avoid bankruptcy.

Give your pretty boy employer
this message, Iron Man.

I'm not through with him yet!

IRON MAN:
I'm sure he's shaking in his booties.

Rhodey, Julia, thanks for coming.

I've got some
Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee on.

You gave us a real scare, Tony.
I'm just glad you're back.

[TONY CHUCKLES]

TONY: I guess I sort of lost it there
for a while, didn't I?

I couldn't handle the guilt
of knowing that

my inventions were being misused,
causing people pain.

Because the last thing
I ever wanted was to cause pain.

Especially to those people
I really care about.

Who've stuck by me
when no one else would. I... I...

Get some sleep, Tony. You look tired.

- Morning, governor. What can I...
-That ring in the window.

Yes. I can see you've got a fancy
for the baubles.

And I'll bet you're willing to
pay right dearly for it, aren't you?

As you might guess,
it's a very valuable...

I have no intention of paying for it.
I offer a trade.

[STRAINING] And What might that be?

The ring for your life.

- It's a deal, sir!
-I thought so.

[CHUCKLING]

Soon, Iron Man. Very soon now.

[LAUGHING EVILLY]

I am Iron Man!

I am Iron Man!

'