01x04 - Curiosity k*lled the Spider-Man

[bunniefuu]

[narrator] Spider-Man.

[no audible dialogue]

[meow]

[no audible dialogue]

[narrator] Spider-Man.

[growls]

Come on, get the lead
out of your web, Spidey.

It's five minutes till midnight,

and I was supposed to meet
Betty Brant

at the Daily Bugle's
New Year's party hours ago.

If I don't get there quick, it'll be the
second time this week I've stood her up.

And poor ol' Peter will be
on her enemies list for life.

Oh, no.

It's the Black Cat.

And she's heading
for the New Year's party in J.J.'s office.

If I follow her
to see what she's up to,

Betty will be through with me
for sure.

Aah. Give it up, web head.

You never could turn down
a date with danger.

I can't imagine where
in the world Peter is.

I'd forget about Parker, Betty.

He probably dressed up
as Al Capone

and got thrown in jail.

[laughs]

Mmm. This is quite
a newsworthy event.

Ever bigwig in New York
is here tonight,

and that means
diamond necklaces,

gold watches, silver bracelets,

not to mention plenty of cash.

A fitting purr-rize

for the greatest cat burglar
in the world.

But really?
Don't you feel the mayor

has made a complete monkey
out of himself lately?

Madam, I am the mayor!

Oh. Well.

[Jameson] Quiet. Quiet.
Quiet, everybody!

It's almost midnight.

[all] 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!

Happy New Year!

Thanks.
Happy New Year to you, too.

Any minute now and I will
cleaned out everyone at this party.

For you, Black Cat,
the party's over.

Well, if it isn't New York's
swinging wall crawler.

How about I call you later?

Here, kitty, kitty.

Come to Spidey.

Don't come any closer,
Spider-Man,

or you'll find out just how mean

this little kitty really is.

Gee, if you're that dangerous,

I guess I should just put
my hands up in the air

and give up.

Just a minute!

What do you think
you're doing, Spider-Man?

I'll have you arrested

for ruining my party,

disturbing my guests.

This guest of yours
is the Black Cat,

cat burglarpar excellence.

She's looted everyone
at your party.

Here you go, J.J.

You can hand
these little trinkets

back to your guests now.

All right, black beauty.

We got a date
with the chief of police.

Don't think I believe this
for a minute, web head.

It's one of your tricks!

[Black Cat] It's a good thing I
cameequipped for every emergency.

Hey, who let the cat
out of the bag?

Who do you think,
sticky fingers?

[grunts]

Happy landings!

Hey, is that any way
to treat me on our first date?

See what happens
when you let a black cat

cross your path?

[Spider-Man] Phew.

That girl's got guts.

You wouldn't catch me doing
that without a spider line.

Uh, hi, Betty.

Well, aren't you
a little late, Peter?

The party was last night,
remember?

Gee. I'm sorry, Betty. I...

Never mind the excuses.

That's the last time
you'll stand me up.

Ah, give me another chance.

I'll... I'll make
a New Year's resolution.

I'll never do it again.

Scout's honor.

In fact, I'll take you
to lunch to prove it, okay?

Well, o... okay.

Parker!

What's the matter with you?

Why weren't you
at my party last night?

Uh, hi, J.J.

Well, uh, you might say
I was there in spirit.

Balderdash.

Thanks to you,
I didn't get pictures of Spider-Man

and that feline fiasco,
the Black Cat.

Is that any way
to talk about a lady?

But I'll forgive you
this time, honey.

[stutters]

Don't you try to threaten me,

you alley cat.

Get out of my office
before I call the cops.

I just figured seeing as how
you hate Spider-Man so much

you might be interested

in how I'm going to ruin
his reputation.

Well, now that begins
to sound interesting.

Why don't you forget about
those things I said to you

and just tell me
what you had in mind.

All you have to do
is print my challenge

on the front page
of the Daily Bugle

stating that the Black Cat
is going to steal

the million-dollar
Maltese Mouse.

And if Spider-Man
tries to stop me...

You're wasting your time,
Black Cat.

Spider-Man will make
catnip out of you.

Say, you're kind of cute
for a wise guy.

Too bad I don't have time
to pursue this relationship.

Well, don't just stand there,
Parker.

There's a story
I want you to cover.

Show him the details, Ms. Brant.

The famous Maltese Mouse
is arriving from France

at Dock 13 in a few hours.

It's going to be displayed
on the Johnny Griffon Show tonight

before a live national audience.

[Jameson]
And be sure to get plenty of pictures.

Especially the ones
that make Spider-Man look bad.

Careful with that crate.
It's worth a million bucks!

[Spider-Man]
They're loading the Maltese Mouse

into that armored truck.

The Black Cat could show up
at any moment.

I'll just tag along
and play watch dog.

I think I'll check out

this diamond-eyed
mouse sculpture,

and see what
I'm wasting my time about.

Sure is a big crate
for a little mouse.

- [chickens cluck]
- Huh?

Those are the strangest-looking
mice I've ever seen.

What's this?

"When the Spider-Man's away,

the Black Cat will play."

Oh, great, I've been had.

This armored truck
is a decoy setup by the Black Cat.

It's back to the dock

before the Black Cat steals

that Maltese thing-ama-what.

Perfect timing.

There she is, Mr. Goldblum.

Safer than a fish in a net.

The Maltese Mouse.

The dock's just ahead.

Oh, no!

I'm gonna miss my lunch date
with Betty.

I better call her quick.

Just my luck. Someone's
using the phone booth.

Say, where have I seen
that guy before?

Well, no time to worry
about it now.

Hello, Betty. This is Peter.

Look, uh, this Black Cat
story is starting to get real hot.

And I'm afraid I'm gonna
have to miss our lunch date.

I thought you were through
standing me up, Peter.

Honestly, Betty,

this is the last time.

Tell you what.
Why don't I meet you

at the Johnny Griffon Show
tonight?

Well, I don't know.

And afterwards
I'll take you out to dinner.

Okay, Peter.

I'll give you one more chance.

Great. See you later, Betty.

Now that I made that date,

I hope I hadn't missed
my date with the Black Cat.

I'll just stick
my trusty camera up here

in case I do anything
so spectacular

it deserves a place in history.

Well, everything
looks in order, Captain.

The Maltese Mouse
is in perfect condition.

Real nice of you gentlemen

to keep it in such good shape
for me.

I wouldn't want
to steal anything

that had a flaw in it.

Why, it's the Black Cat!
Stop her!

It's time for the Black Cat
to create a blackout.

[rustling sounds]

Gee. I hadn't had
so many cute guys after me

since I dropped out
of high school.

Quick, we got to get out here

before she gets
the Maltese Mouse.

Oh, no.

It's... It's gone!

Don't worry, fellas.

I'll take good care of it.

That is, until I take
its diamond eyes out

and sell them
on the black market.

[laughs]

Hey, watch where
you're going, lady.

Lady nothing.
That was the Black Cat.

Well, hello there, black beauty.

Looks like your
bragging news headline

should have been printed
in the funny pages.

I told you before.

It's dangerous to let
the Black Cat cross your path.

Gee. I forgot.

I guess the only thing
I consider unlucky

is spilled web fluid.

I am curious
about one thing, though.

What made you decide
to steal the Maltese Mouse?

Careful. Didn't you ever
hear the expression

curiosity k*lled the Spider-Man?

Not even my [grunts]

spider strength
can break me free of this.

Oh, great.

It looks like I don't have
to worry about drowning.

That ship's propeller
is going to get me first.

It's no use. I can't get free.

I've only got one chance.

And if I miscalculate,

the local fish will be eating
Spidey hors d'oevres.

[gasps]

I never knew smog
could taste so good.

That feline finagler
is getting away.

- Spider-Man, you're alive.
- Right.

Cat's aren't the only ones
with nine lives.

In that case,

there's one down
and eight to go.

[thud]

Aah. She's beginning
to get on my nerves.

I've had all I'm gonna take

of your pussyfooting,
sweetheart.

This will keep one black cat
I know from straying.

And I'll just separate
the cat and the mouse.

You underestimate me, Spidey.

Oh, no.

I wish I didn't
have to be so rough on him.

He's so cute.

Whoa, boy!

Time to make like a banana
and split.

Sheesh. I've done some pretty
strange things in my life,

but that's the first time
I ever rescued a car lot.

Oh, no.

The Black Cat
slipped away again.

Uh, Spider-Man,
I want to thank you.

You rescued the Maltese Mouse.

How can we ever repay you?

Oh, you can start by carving
my head on Mount Rushmore.

[laughs]

That's very funny, Spider-Man.

Uh, you know,

it's obvious we aren't
properly equipped

to protect the Maltese Mouse

in the face
of the Black Cat threat.

You're the only one
who can help us.

You must guard
the Maltese Mouse when it appears

on the Johnny Griffon Show
tonight.

Me? Guard a mouse on television?

You got to be nuts. Forget it.

We'll pay you double

what our security guards
are getting.

What time do you want me
at the studio?



I'll see you there.

That Spider-Man is falling
right into my trap.

With him guarding
the Maltese Mouse on national television,

I can make a fool out of him
in front of 50 million people.

I told you I wouldn't
let you down this time, Betty.

Well, you know, Peter,
a girl can only be stood up so many times

before she gives up.

Never again, Betty.

And to make up

for all those times I canceled,

after the show tonight,

I'm gonna take you out

to the finest restaurant
in New York.

Press.

Mr. Jameson,
what are you doing here?

I got a phone call
from the Black Cat.

Said I shouldn't miss this show.

Something about a big surprise.

So that's why
she picked the Maltese Mouse...

So she can challenge Spidey
before a million viewers.

Did you say something, Peter?

Why, uh...

I said, "I can't imagine

a little mouse being worth

a million dollars."

[cans rustle]

Who... who's there!

Nobody here but us cats.

[laughs]

Get 'em!

[cats yowl]

Shoo, shoo!
Skat! Get away from me!

Let's see.

That's what I need.

The perfect prop to trap
a Spider-Man.

There goes my spider sense.

I think it's time
for Spidey to make his personal appearance.

Uh, I got to get
some more, uh, film

in case the Black Cat shows up.

Be back in a minute.

Mm. The Maltese Mouse
is do on stage any minute

and Spider-Man's nowhere
to be found.

That's probably because
no one told me I was lost.

[chuckles] Good. Now, be
careful with this, Spider-Man.

And watch out for the Black Cat.

Who cares about the Black Cat?

I'm more concerned
about my stage fright.

[band plays]

[audience cheers]

Thank you. Thank you.

You look like a great group.

And tonight,
I'm going to dispense

with my hilarious monologue

and get right
to our special presentation.

Not only do we have the fabulous

million dollar Maltese Mouse,

but here tonight

to personally guard
the little critter

from the notorious Black Cat

we have New York's
most famous swinger.

Here's Spidey!

[audience cheers]

Well, that was quite
an entrance, Spider-Man.

What convinced you to appear
on national television

to guard this marvelous
little mouse?

Money, what else?

[audience laughs]

I see.

I think our audience
would like to know

how you manage to keep
your true identity a secret?

Simple. I don't tell anybody
who I am.

[audience laughs]

I wonder what's taking Peter
so long.

Don't worry about
the bad jokes, Spidey dear.

Any minute now,

you'll be the laughing stock

of New York City.

[purrs]

Well, how about showing
the audience

some of your sticky
web tricks, Spidey?

Why, sure.

Here's one.

[crowd laughs]

[angrily mutters]

Why, you... Put me down,
web head,

or I'll sue you
for all your worth!

Whatever you say, J.J.

[grunts]

I think it's about time

the real show started.

What was that?

It's the Black Cat!

Oh, great. Just when my
routine was starting to get hot.

Hey, Florence.
You got to see this.

Spider-Man's
doing a dance number

with some cat lady. [Laughs]

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.

Come to Spidey.

I promise you'll get plenty
of fish and milk in prison.

Spider-Man or Spider-mouse,

you'll have to catch me first.

[audience gasps]

[laughs]

Serves you right, web head.

Now, the world will know

you're nothing
but a klutz in red tights.

You better snap to it, Spidey,

or they won't even make
comic books about you anymore.

Give it up, Cat!

Not even O. J. Simpson

can outrun the ol' web slinger.

Who said anything
about running, Spidey?

I'm taking a cab.

If crime doesn't pay,

how come she's got cab fare
and I haven't?

Oh! Where to, lady?

Anywhere and step on it.

Time for a little
Olympic web skiing.

I hate to do this to you,
Spidey,

but you asked for it.

This is where I get off.
Hit the brakes.

[tires screech]

Oh, no!

Oh, wonderful.

I'm caught in my own webbing.

And just my luck,
it's a real strong batch.

Hang in there, Spidey.

The Black Cat is about
to cross your path for the last time.

[strains]
Where's the Boy Scouts when you need them?

Well, well, Spidey dear.

Looks like our
cat and mouse games are finally over.

Now you'll see that there's
more than one way

to skin a Spider-Man.

Wait a minute.

I think my luck
may have finally changed.

[screams]

Now, I'll just collect my prize

and show my fans I'm
still the top swinger in town.

Look, it's Spider-Man,

and he's got the Black Cat.

See that this wildcat
gets caged.

Spider-Man, you were terrific.

And I'm sure our viewers

are going to remember this date

for a long, long time.

Oh, no. Speaking of dates,

I'd better change and get back
to Betty before it's too late.

I... I'm sorry it took me
so long, Betty.

Hope I didn't miss anything
too exciting.

Don't worry about it, Peter.

The only thing
you're going to miss

is your next date with me!

Uh, J. J., what do you say

you and I
have a night on the town?

Well, sure! Why not?

Don't work too hard, Parker.

Who says the good guy
always gets the girl?