Sidonie in Japan (2024)

[bunniefuu]

I suppose I've missed

the plane to Osaka. Is it too late?

No, it's delayed.

By three hours.

You're lucky.

Did you forget to take something out?

- No, I'm no longer sure I want to leave.

- Oh, really?

It's an 11-hour flight.

- Have you been before?

- No, it's my first time.

SIDONIE IN JAPAN

This.

Hello.

Welcome to Japan, Sidonie San.

Hello. Do you work with my publisher?

No, I am your publisher.

I'm Kenzo Mizoguchi.

I'm sorry, didn't expect you

to be so... tall.

I pictured you to be very old.

I mean, either that or very young.

Pleased to meet you.

I would rather carry my own handbag.

I'd rather if.

Thank you.

The room isn't ready. They're sorry.

Ah, Is that all? I was scared...

But that doesn't matter at all!

I'm not tired,

...even if for me,

it's six in the morning.

You mustn't bow, Sidonie San.

I'm not doing it properly, is that it?

- Could I offer you a tea?

- Yes.

Are you related to the famous filmmaker?

Not at all. Mizoguchi is quite

a common name in Japan.

This afternoon,

we'll start the interviews.

Then, we'll visit a temple.

You'll have more time tomorrow.

Perfect, I'll go for a walk alone.

You will never be alone, Sidonie San.

I'm used to being alone. It doesn't

bother me, quite the opposite...

No. I will always be with you.

Europeans wear perfume,

especially the women.

Japanese women do not.

- Does it bother you?

- No, not at all.

I love the perfume of western women.

It reminds me of my studies in France.

Is that why you speak French?

Among other reasons. Yes.

What did you study in France?

I studied French literature

for three years.

I lived in Motte-Picquet.

- Were you at the Sorbonne?

- Yes.

Sidonie San, please let me

introduce Noriko Tamaguchi,

who will be your interpreter today.

Hello. Pleased to meet you.

Pleasure to meet you too.

I admire you a lot.

I've read all your books

and I've even seen your play

La Femme de Papier,

first in Paris and then in New York.

Does it represent the cherry blossom?

Yes, maybe.

Why did you choose

to tell this story in particular?

I lost my parents and brother

in a car accident.

I ended up alone, in total solitude,

as if I had fallen down a hole,

I was scared.

But even though the book was inspired

by my story, it isn't an autobiography.

It's fiction.

Would you say that writing heals?

It doesn't heal but perhaps it helped me

survive at that time.

I read that you don't want to talk

about your books anymore.

So, why did you agree to come

to Japan today, for the new edition

of L'Ombre Porte?

Mister Mizoguchi wrote me a wonderful

letter that convinced me...

and also, this book

occupies a special place for me

because it is

the very first book I wrote.

As a child, I used to walk in the marshes

with my parents on Sundays.

We have the same birds in France.

They're everywhere in Kyoto.

I didn't want to wake you up,

you seemed so tired.

You have lovely hands.

My wife also tells me they are special.

Is that your trademark?

Trademark? I don't understand.

A trademark is what characterises you.

It's what makes you the person you are.

For example,

if you were a Lacoste polo shirt,

your trademark would be

a little green crocodile.

But I'm not a piece of clothing,

I'm a man.

Dad! Mum!

Guillaume!

My Sido!

I thought I'd lost you.

I can't sleep.

Are you okay, Kenzo?

I'm sorry.

I've drunk a bit this evening.

We like drinking whisky, without ice.

It's my wife.

Do you know why

it never worked out between me

and my wife? Sidonie San?

It's because I am absent and boring.

And do you know why, Sidonie San?

Because you work too much?

Yes... and when we are together,

we hardly speak.

It's been a long time

since we've had anything to say

to each other.

Nothing.

Zero.

What's all this mess?

How did you handle your fame

at such a young age?

I was lucky enough to meet the man who

would become my husband very early on

and he protected me a lot.

Please, Noriko, do you think I've got

time to go get a breath of fresh air,

or do we have to resume now?

You want us to carry on, is that it?

Sidonie San, do you need anything?

Sorry, I...

No, no.

Thank you.

These are special cakes

that we eat at full moon.

- Is the moon important in Japan?

- Yes, very important.

Your book gave me the strength to live

after my entire family died

and to leave my husband

because he wanted to stay

near Fukushima.

My daughter and I left to move

to a safer area.

What about your husband?

We are separated.

That's a sad story.

It's a climatic separation.

Have you always wanted to write?

No. Writing is what happens

when you've nothing left.

There's just despair.

But sometimes, there isn't even that.

There's just nothing.

You disclose everything, Sidonie San.

No, not everything.

But I try to.

We're not used to that.

In Japan, we keep our feelings

to ourselves.

Not always.

You confided in me yesterday night.

Yes.

But we were alone.

What do you think? Do they suit me?

If you like them, that's what counts.

Oh, yes, I love them. I've never seen

a pair like this in France.

It's almost unreal, my being here.

I really hesitated

before accepting your invitation.

I was scared, I think.

Of the unknown.

I don't know what's happening to me.

Maybe it's because I haven't been

as far for a long time.

And because I recognise everything here.

The lifts, the lights, the roads.

And yet, nothing works

the way it does in Europe.

Everything is strange,

even the consistency

of what we eat is different.

I feel modified.

All this newness is overwhelming me.

Please don't cry, Sidonie San.

They're tears of joy, not sadness.

Why do you no longer write, Sidonie San?

After the death of my husband Antoine,

it gathered all my strength

just to try to keep standing.

Time passed and I didn't even realise

I was no longer writing.

The years flew by.

But did you try later on?

Yes, I tried, but I'd plunge back

into the repetition of my life and

of a book already written for me,

L'Ombre Porte...

The same words, the same...

I found it unbearable.

How did your husband die?

The same way as my family.

We had a car accident.

My husband died on the spot

and once again, nothing happened to me.

I woke up scotch free, not even a mark.

Intact.

You are alive, Sidonie San.

You have to accept it.

You have no choice.

Do you have children?

No. And you?

No. I don't have any and don't want any.

I find the world absurd.

Your words are like

a secret echo to my story.

Have you lost loved ones?

My father's family died in Hiroshima.

Only my father survived that day.

He had gone to see a friend

in another town.

Later, my brother and his wife

were living in Kobe.

I had just left Kobe

when the earthquake

that k*lled them occurred.

It's like a story

that keeps repeating itself.

So, that's why you wrote

that people like us share a secret land.

This is the tomb

of Junichir Tanizaki and his wife.

It's very minimalist.

I didn't know he was buried in Kyoto.

What does it say?

"Nothing"

and "silence".

All those wires are crazy.

In France you never see that many,

they bury them.

I heard that it was

because of the earthquakes.

That it's easier to fix them this way.

- Do they happen often?

- Very rarely in Kyoto.

Who are you?

My room... there's a problem.

I want to change.

No, no, no...

Mariko San, can you come here?

There's a problem with the western lady.

Mariko San, hurry please.

I don't understand what she's saying

and she doesn't seem well.

I want to change rooms,

I don't want to stay in that room.

I-don't-actually-want-to-go-back-in-there.

What is she doing?

- What are we going to do?

- We have to warn Mr Mizoguchi.

Good idea.

Kenzo, I saw my husband in my room

in flesh and blood.

That's why I left.

You mean you saw his ghost.

Do you believe in ghosts?

In Japan, they live all around us.

If he's here, it's because you still

have things to say to each other.

I'm a bit too old for them, aren't I?

I don't know, you might not be,

Sidonie San.

Nothing.

Nothing on the toilet either.

Thank you Kenzo. For everything.

Call me immediately

if something is wrong,

but now please go to sleep,

Sidonie San.

Thank you, Kenzo.

You're not going to run away

this time, I hope.

I've been appearing little by little.

I didn't want to scare you.

I have been seeing you everywhere

since I got here.

That's because we're in Japan.

It's the land of ghosts.

Like that other guy said!

How do you know?

- That guy is called Kenzo Mizoguchi.

- Is he related to the famous filmmaker?

No, I already asked.

It's a very common name in Japan.

Antoine, it is really you?

Sidonie.

My Sido.

I've dreamed of

seeing you again so much.

I've always been here, but you couldn't

see me... all those years...

I haven't changed too much, have I?

No, my Sido

You're still just as beautiful

with all your freckles.

You told me you hated that jumper.

That you weren't a harlequin

and you'd never wear it.

I wanted to please you.

Why are you dead, Antoine?

You know why,

because that deer crossed the road.

But why am I not dead?

That's just the way it is.

Probably the way it was meant to be.

I'd rather have died in your place.

You don't know that.

I know, but surviving everything,

all the time.

My darling, you'll die one day too.

Just to reassure you.

It's him.

Hide in the bathroom, quick.

Or he'll see you.

Don't panic, nobody can see

or hear me except you.

How are you, Sidonie San?

Everything alright?

The taxi is waiting downstairs.

Did you see him again?

Yes, this morning.

He told me he had always been there.

Of course.

I told you, ghosts live all around us.

I am happy to see you.

Me too.

It moved me.

I am delighted to meet you.

- To?

- He's delighted to meet you.

My name is Tadanobu.

- Do you have plans for your next book?

- No.

I would love to know

what happens to this character.

Sorry, there's nothing for now.

Maybe she'll try again. Be patient.

I'll carry it in my bag.

Thank you.

Do you remember this journal?

It is my treasure.

What's her name?

Sayuri.

Here you go.

Sidonie San, is everything alright?

There it is.

Let's try again.

Oh, you scared me.

Look, that guy is a real laugh.

Smile!

We eat the cake first

and then we drink the tea.

- Are these the moon cakes?

- Yes.

You're supposed to eat them

when the moon is bright and full.

In some families, like my father's,

this was a moment when we came together.

We would gather round and celebrate.

My wife didn't like my family.

She has gone to her sister's.

I'm sorry.

It's probably for the best.

We were living a lie.

My husband and I

used to love this season.

We liked walking in the forest.

How did you meet?

It was right after the death

of my whole family.

It was summer and all my friends

had gone on holiday.

Except for Jeanne.

I was at her place when her

brother dropped by with a friend.

It was Antoine.

We had a wonderful afternoon.

Antoine was a great laugh.

I hadn't had such a good time

in a long while.

At the end of the day,

Antoine and I left together.

I told him what had happened to me,

the accident and my parents' death.

And that I wanted to write it all down

but I didn't know where to start.

He told me: "from the beginning."

It was a silly thing to say

but I think I wrote L'Ombre Porte

thanks to those words.

We got to my place and I suggested

he come up to see my flat.

I remember I was tired from walking.

He carried me up the stairs.

He literally carried me

up the stairs in his arms...

Nothing had changed in the apartment

since my parents' death.

He told me that I couldn't carry

on living like that.

We cleared the place all night,

the two of us, without speaking.

We saw each other the next day

and the day after that.

And we never left each other again.

Without him, I would never have had

the strength to write.

He had lovely hands like you.

Love at first sight?

No.

More like something obvious.

I loved him.

That's rare.

Yes. What's obvious is rare.

And happiness too.

Are your parents still alive?

Just my father.

He's gone back to live in Hiroshima.

He lives with them.

Them?

He lives with his family.

The deceased.

Every morning he talks to them

and feeds them.

- Can ghosts eat?

- No.

My father offers them a meal

and then he eats it.

What do you think of all that?

I think he feels deep sadness.

He prefers living in the past.

We all have a some kind

of relationship with the deceased.

Some see them, others feel them.

The visible and invisible world coexist.

It's like that for us Japanese.

Ghosts help us live.

Thank you, Kenzo. For everything.

My pleasure.

Would you like to have dinner together

this evening?

No, I'd rather stay in my room.

I want to rest.

I don't have any...

I've no substance left.

So I can't even touch you.

There's almost nothing left of me.

I forgot what touch was a long time ago.

But I can see and hear you, Antoine.

I'm not dreaming.

All I have left

are the contours of reality.

I am an illusion, an optical illusion.

That's even worse

than a cold, empty bed.

Why did you come back?

I didn't come back.

I just never left, Sidonie.

I can't.

Why not?

Probably because it's difficult

to leave you in this endless heartache.

Would you rather I forgot you?

That I just get over it?

Isn't your heart broken too?

It is.

But I'm tired of staying here,

going round in circles.

It's exhausting.

Where are you when you're not here?

I am nowhere.

Why didn't you want children

with me, Antoine?

You loved me, didn't you?

You loved me.

Of course I did.

I just didn't want

a little killjoy around.

I didn't want to share you.

Are you asleep?

It's true that I'm full of grief.

And I can't get over it.

I'm sorry I let you down, my friend.

You're eating?

But ghosts don't eat.

I do.

Sorry, Kenzo, but we're not alone.

Do you have any regrets, Kenzo?

No, I don't.

Although I would have liked

life to be less brutal.

I'm happy to have met you.

Me too.

We could have met in Paris

when you were a student.

Maybe we did meet.

Everything would have been different.

It's as if we were on Capri, in Italy.

The Japanese have always been

masters of imitation.

"The country we live in,

does not exist."

It's protection against the sun...

But there is no sun.

Oh, you're just wearing one earring.

Oh, yeah!

I love your hand.

A writer's hand.

Oh, you don't write with your hands...

Is it here, then?

You mustn't think you're a lone spirit.

You're a woman like any other.

What were you doing in the dark?

Were you hiding?

You no longer want to see me?

You're not really you anymore.

I'll cross over to the other side soon.

What do you mean exactly?

The river.

That separates the living from the dead.

But isn't that an image we invented?

Have you seen it?

Do you know where it is?

Yes, I have seen it.

It exists.

It exists everywhere.

And what lies beyond?

Rest at least, I hope.

- I'm scared of what's next.

- Yes, I know.

But you mustn't be.

I am not afraid.

I aspire to it even.

I dreamt a lot last night.

It was confusing.

I never dream.

And I saw Antoine again.

He was almost transparent.

As if he were fading away...

You see him because you want to.

That only depends on you, Sidonie San.

I miss Naoshima already.

We'll come back one day.

Are you alright?

My heart just missed a beat...

"You're nothing like him. No."

"You are a writer who does not write."

"And who does not read either."

I'm going to let you get some rest.

Someone is expecting you...

"Every day, like a prisoner of the past,

all I see is death everywhere,

shadows sliding

along the walls, on the furniture,

and the wind rushing

to fill the empty space.

I know why I tried to keep him alive.

It was to keep him with me.

But there's a time

to let the dead leave and die

if we want to live again.

I am me again,

like finding a long lost friend."

I dreamed I was kissing you.

I thought about you a lot too.

I missed you.

I missed you too.

A lot.

Sidonie...

It's been years.

We're the same.

I want to make love to you.

We don't say that in Japan.

We do it, that's all.

You are beautiful.

Your eyes are so big.

I've never seen such big eyes.

Are they so big to look the world

right in the face?

They're that big.

I never thought about that.

It's the first time anybody

has said that to me.

You have lovely slanted eyes,

that's beautiful.

No-one knows what you're thinking.

We can't read what's behind them.

And yet we saw each other.

I love it when you look me in the eyes.

It's very impolite for us

to look a lady in the eye

when you don't know her.

You know me now.

No, I re-cognise you.

I'm going to leave very quickly,

I don't like goodbyes.

Well... Hello, then.